Family Guy MC : Season 3
by Hero King Zeta 1991
Summary: The Third season to the possibly hit fanfic remake of the hit FOX show, Family Guy. Enjoy! Cover by me (fmallque32561 on DeviantArt).
1. Chapter 29: The Thin White Line

**Chapter 29:** **The Thin White Line**

 **Opening Credits**

 _It seems today that all ya see_

 _Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

 _But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

 _On which we used to rely_

 _Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

 _Lucky there's a man who_

 _Positively can do_

 _All the things that make us_

 _Laugh n' Cry_

 _He's_

 _a_

 _Fam_

 _-ily_

 _Guy!_

 **End**

We join Brian tells his therapist that he is in a bit of an emotional rut,

"I'm in a rut, nothing thrills me anymore. I mean, I can't even think of a reason to egt off the bed in the morning." Brian said with a sigh.

"Really?" said brain's therapist

"You want to know how pathetic my life is. I-I've seen that behind the music with Leif Garrett 18 times with John and Tyler in the living room!"

 **Cutaway**

A flashback shows Brian, John and Tyler watching an episode of the VH1 program _Behind the Music_ with Leif Garrett. The show is known for documenting the post-success breakdowns of once-popular recording artists and Garrett's episode is one of the best-known.

"Hey, uh...hey, Leif. It's been a while" someone in a wheelchair said to Brian.  
(TV Cutaway Zooms to Brian, John and Tyler talking)  
"I'm so sorry about everything, man. I'm so..." Brian mimics Leif.  
"Ready for a bombshell? You saved my life" Leif's friend asked while John continues to mimic.  
"But... but I was driving. I..."  
"I was on a road to destruction, man. The accident may have crippled me, but I'm alive, aren't I?" Tyler mimic this time  
"Ca...Can we turn off the cameras, dude?" as Brian finish mimics at the end

 **Cutaway ends**

"It's like I'm … I don't know, trapped in my own life." Brian explains his problem to his doctor.

Then the doctor ask john if he had any problems in his new life with the Griffins?

"Well, I have been having strange visons lately, like some about people that I know almost dying and peple that I don't remember? John explain his problems.

His doctor suggests that the two may be too inwardly focused and that perhaps doing some volunteer work may be a good idea. Brian and John takes him up on his advice, serving as a guide dog and helper for the blind and elderly.

Until the doctor tells them that they have 13 more minutes.

"Oh, do we? HMM." John question the situation as he and Brian went back to the couch to continued talking with the doctor.

"I, UH, I notice you got a new receptionist." John ask the doctor about his new receptionist.

"Nice little boy on her, huh?" Brian chuckles at the doctor's receptionist female body to join in the conversation.

"That's my daughter." The doctor explain to his patience's about her and things got outward.

"Well, we could probably call this an early, huh?" John asked as he and Brian left the room.

Meanwhile, we join Frank and Peter at Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Company eating lunch with a couple of fellow works at Cafeteria. As join in the Cafeteria to make an announcement.

"Attention, everyone. Due to several complaints on the two deaths related to worker fatigue, I have decided to throw a company picnic this Saturday." As finished his announcement.

"Hey, Derek, how you getting to the picnic? Frank ask Derek how he going to the picnic.

"I Don't Know. I don't have a ride." said Derek.

"Hey, john, you got a two-seater, don't you?" Peter ask his coworker john to help out Derek with a ride to the picnic.

"Hey, Derek, maybe you go with john, huh? Huh? Frank goats Derek to go with john to the picnic.

As Derek sigh as he get up his seat as he said, "For the last time, I'm not gay."

As he leave in a huff.

"Thanks anyway, you guys." John said to Frank and Peter as thanks them for trying for him to gets some booty.

"Hey, we'll get him. Peter said giving john some hope.

Meanwhile, we join Brian, John and Tyler working as a Seeing Eye dog as they guild the man into a movie theater,

"Here, right this way. Watch your step." Said john as they guide the man to the door of the theater. They sits beside his blind guy in a movie theater, as Brian narrates to the blind guy. **"** Okay, they're-they're in the woods...the camera keeps on moving...Uh, I think they're, they're looking for some witch or something, I-I don't know, I wasn't listening...nothing's happening, nothing's happening, something about a map, nothing's happening, it's over, a lot of people in the audience look pissed." As brain turn around to people piss including John and Tyler as they wanted to watch this movie.

Meanwhile, we attends the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Company Picnic, with everybody and their families having fun. Now we join Chris and Persephone going to try the three legged race.

"Now remember, Chris, we have to work together so that out steps…" as Persephone trying to explain to Chris the rulers of this game before Chris started running out of sync with Persephone while laughing his ass off and Persephone screaming in terror.

As we zoom in to one of the contests at the picnic, which happens to be Peter Griffin's favorite is to catch the Greased-Up Deaf Guy.

"Oh, this is my favorite event, catch the Greased-up Deaf Guy." Peter said with excitement. As Frank Jr and Tyler were doing the worm trying to speed thing up.

Mr. Weed lifts the cage, as he said "Go!" As the Greased-up Deaf Guy is released from a cage screaming in a high pitched voice, "You're never gonna catch me! You're wasting' your time. As Frank Jr try's grabs him but slips of his baby grip. "Forget about it! Go do something' else!" Peter grabs him but slips of his grip. "See y'all next year.' As he ran off into the forest.

Meanwhile we join Brian and John at the shady farm nursing home as he is playing chess with a sick old lady,

"King me." John said finishing the game as the old lady was sad not wanting to play this game.

"I don't want to play anymore. The pain. I can't live like this, guys. As the old lady complains to John and Brain.

"I need you to pull the plug." The old lady said as she point to the plug so she can finally rest.

Well, we…we... we can't! We…" Brain said as he and john trying to get out of this situation.

"Be my angle and set me free. Please?" Said the old lady weakly tone voice.

While Brian and john had a sad look as they turn towards to the plug. They walk to the plug and they were about to pull it until they old lady freaky out.

"Oh my god, you two were really going to do it!" Said the crazy old lady.

"We…but...You-You…" said Brain and john try to tell they old lady that it was her idea.

"NURSE! THIS DOG AND BOY ARE TRYING TO KILL ME! NURSE! "The old lady scream for help because she was so crazy.

You are twisted, lady. You hear me? Said Brian as he leave the room.

You are screwed up in the head. Said john giving the old lady the middle finger as he leave following after Brian.

Now we join Mr. Weed as he announced his final contest,

"The winner of our final contest will receive a very special prize, a week's paid vacation." Said Mr. Weed as the cored cheering for the prize. As we join the Mallque Griffin family Hear what the prize was.

"Did you hear that?" said peter with excitement as well as Frank and his son Frank Jr jumping for cheer.

Oh, God, Please let it be fighting. Be let it be a fight contest. Said Frank and Frank Jr as they pray the contest be something that they are good at.

These are tranquilizer darts. I have enough here to take down Robert Downey Jr. said Mr. Weed as he laughing at his own joke while the crowed sympathetically moans at the horrible joke.

"Yes, Well… The Last one left standing wins. Let the game begin!" Said Mr. Weed

As every person who works at the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Company ran towards the forest including Frank and Peter as Mr. Weed fires his tranquilizer gun to thin out the numbers of works.

As the crowed cheer for the game and the mallque griffin family cheers for Frank and peter to the game. As we zoom towards Frank Jr and Stewie Looking at their fathers run towards the forest,

"Look at—he runs like a Welshman." said Frank Jr trying to get his mother Meg attention.

"Doesn't he? Doesn't he run like a Welshman" said Stewie as he too trying to get attention of his mother Lois. As both mother look proud of the cheer smiles of their son of the excitement of this game.

Now we join Brian and John as the walk back in their house as Joe said hello,

"Hey, there, John and Brain." Said Joe as he waves to his friends.

"Hi, Joe." Brian reply as he sniffing around as John looked at Brain with awe.

Hey, bonnie making Chicken Marsala tonight? Brain asked Joe if he having what Brian just said.

As Joe replied, "No. she made that three nights ago."

"Wow, that's some nose you've got." John replied with praised at Brian's talent.

"Yeah, one time it almost got me a spokesman deal." Brain said

 **Cutaway**

We see Brian sitting next to Toucan Sam in a casting site.

"Follow your nose. Follow your nose. Follow your nose." Toucan Sam reads the script with different voices as Brian snickers. 

"Oh, I'm sorry. No, that was good. I-I just didn't think you were gonna go so cartoony with it" Brian apologized. 

"Well how-how would you read it?" Toucan Sam asked. 

"Oh I don't know. I was thinking of doing it, you know, good like an actor, but you know, your way is good too." Brian explained as he and Toucan Sam continued reading.

 **Cutaway ends**

Joe recognizes the strength of Brian's nose and the super strength of john after hear about from Peter and Frank while drink at the clam. So He offers John and Brain a job as Police man and a police dog to look for drugs.

"Really?" John and Brain said as Brain's tail wag in excitement.

Now we're at the forest with Frank, Peter and one of the follow co-workers running from Mr. Weed's tranquilizer gun.

"I guess it's just down to the three of Frank and Peter." Said the co-worker while panting for air. While Frank and Peter catch up to him as we zoom towards their backs filled up with darts as they were still going trying to fight the tranquilizer poison in their body systems.

"Only one of us is going to win that paid vacation." Said the co-worker still panting.

"But I-I don't want to feed grandma bacon while she's in the bathtub." Said peter while he was fucked up in his head.

"What do you mean that I got Lois pregnant, I wouldn't cheat on Meg like that?" Frank said as he was trying to stand while he was also fucked up in the head.

"Peter, Frank are you two okay? Said the co-worker said as he was worried about his follow co-workers as they heard a motor cross bike coming in the clearing. It was Mr. Weed coming at them with his tranquilizer gun aiming at them. As they ran away, peter fainted and the co-worker jump into the bushes, but Frank got shot in the butt by tranquilizer dart. As the co- worker walk towards frank trying help him since he still standing.

"Mr. Weed, I think Frank and peter needs a Doc-ooh!" the co-worker tried to finish speaking but was darted by Mr. Weed, that makes Frank wins Mr. Weed's challenge, walking away with the prize of a week's paid vacation.

"Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty." Said Frank as he to faints due to all the tranquilizer darts in his body.

Meanwhile at the airport, we join Brian on his first day on duty checking people for drugs.

"No drugs…she good…he's clean." Said Brian as he finished sniffing out the people leaving their plane.

"Well, looks like that's it, except for the flight crew." Said Joe as Quagmire join in to talk to his friends.

"Hey, Hey, Brain and John. What's with the Johnny Law Routine?" asked Quagmire since he doesn't know what going on.

"Say hello to Our Newest Narcs. They are both naturals" Said Joe introducing quagmire to quahog's newest cops.

"Oh, yeah? How-How Good are you two? Quagmire question them on how good are they at their new jobs.

Brian sniffing Quagmire's crotch as he said, "You're back from Manila, you had Lumpia for dinner, then you had sex with two Filipino women...", then hesniffs again, "...and a man." As Brian finish searching quagmire.

"Heh...you mean THREE Filipino women...Noooooooo!" Quagmire said as he looks art Brian and john as they look that they aren't wrong. After Brian makes Quagmire realize he has made love to a man, he screams and runs away, similar to the film _Ace Ventura: Pet Detective_ scene in which Ace realizes Lt Einhorn is actually Ray Finkel, whom Ace had kissed.

Then Brian sniffing around caught a scent.

"Wait a second. Got something!" said Brian as he was running around the airport trying to find the scent till he finds a guy with a breves case with the scent he was looking for.

As he runs towards the guy trying to catch him.

"This could be the real, boys. Let's do it!" Joe said as he and the other cops roll out.

Brian and john ran trying to catch the perp, until they see a lodged caring. They speed up to Joe and close line the prep.

"Don't move, dirtbag," said Joe as he points his gun at the perp.

As Brian sniffs the bag, Brian successfully tracks down a suitcase full of cocaine.

"It's coke! Yes! All right! We got him this is great! Ah, this the rush I been looking for." Said Brian with excitement, but inadvertently takes a snort of it himself.

"Good work, Brian." Joe and john said as they congratulate him for a job well done.

"Uh, you still got a little, uh…" said John as he point out Brian to the coke that was on his nose.

As Brian check his nose, "oh! Oh, thanks." He wipe the coke out of his nose, but inadvertently takes a snort of it himself. Then smile for a second before returning to normal.

Now we join the Mallque Griffin family at the kitchen eating breakfast as Lois began asking frank on what they are going to do for their payed vacation.

"So, Frank, where should we go for your week off?" asked Lois

"Well, I-I-I was thinking we could all go to purgatory like we did last year?" Frank reply to everyone in the kitchen.

 **Cutaway**

The whole Mallque Griffin family are at Purgatory where they are floating, as the screen is completely white. 

"This isn't bad. It's not that good. But it's not that bad" Lois said. 

"It's so-so" Brian added. 

"Eh, more or less" Peter commented. 

"This sucks" John complained. 

"I think I'm gonna hurl" Frank Jr panicked. 

"What the f***?" Persephone cursed as she accidentally sees Frank pee in the void of purgatory.

"What?" Frank as he finishes peeing

 **Cutaway ends**

As Brian enter the kitchen to get some breakfast, peter asked him a question.

"Hey, Hey, Brian—if cops are pigs does that make you a snausage?" peter said with laughing with Frank Jr reply, "ha, ha, ha, Good one, Goode one, now if you excuse me, I need to toot." compliment this joke in his newly refined voice. Then Frank Jr proceeds to toot, but this time plays a jazzy song on a trumpet.

"Clever, peter. Did you stay up all night writing that?" Brain reply to the joke peter made.

"No, He got bed around 2:00, 2:30." Frank Jr reply as he continues eating his oatmeal.

As Brian sits at the table, he explains about his day in the force and busting the perp.

"You know what Joe said the street value of that cocaine would've been?" brain asking anybody at the kitchen table.

Then Lois reply, "uh, let's see—4A1/2 kilos uncut Nicaraguan. Uh, $1.7 mill? That area?"

Everyone at the table was shock, as to how Lois knew all of that stuff about coke.

"Uh, yeah. That's… that's… that's right." Brian said to that response.

"Yeah uh. Mom what the hell do you know this stuff and we will talk about this after I get some fresh air." Said frank as he walk away out the door to get some fresh air as Persephone and Meg ran in with a newspaper.

"You guys! Brian's famous!" Persephone said as she and Meg show the newspaper with the title "Dog Hero!" with brain dress in his uniform waving at the people as his family congratulate him for his success.

"You're a hero!" Lois replied.

"Good job Brian!" Tyler said.

"Way to go, pal/Brian." Peter and Frank Jr said aloud.

"Oh, come on. Stop it, You Guys. It nothing, really" Brian said wave his hand to stop embarrassing him. As he sniffing something and he reply with, "oh, Lois, your toast is ready." As the toast rise from the toaster surprising Lois.

"Wow." Lois said as everyone in the kitchen clap in cheer with "oh, my! Well!"

Uh, Meg's using a new conditioner." Brain said as his point to Meg's new smell.

"He's right!" Frank replied as he walk back in to the kitchen to Brian response since Meg is his wife.

"How do you like that?" Frank Jr said to that response as the family is cheering more of Brian's senses of smell.

"That's amazing." Tyler said, as he is shock and surprised.

"And it's time to change Frank Jr and Stewie." Brian said they look to Stewie and Frank Jr for that response.

Well, that is preposterous. We haven't—there it is." Frank Jr trying to prover that Brian is lying but he just poop at that moment.

Everyone cheered, "Hooray! All right.

Now we join Brian and Joe in a police car going around town trying to find more Criminals with cocaine until suddenly Brian sniffed something bad,

"Stop the car!" said Brian as the stop across some gangsters. As Brian point to the location is a regular church.

As a door bust up with Joe and Brian saying, "Everybody freeze! This is a bust!" as it reveals a nun teaching some kids about Jesus Christ.

"Uh, Brain, this is a Sunday school class." Joe said as he look around then he looks embarrassed for this situation.

"The hell it is." Brian said as he and john walk toward the chalk border clean the chalk erasers.

"Pure Bogota Bullion. This is a Drug ring." John explain this situation and the location.

"But these are just kids." Joe said as he look at the suspects.

"Oh yeah? What's your name?" Brain asked the kid with a blue cap hat.

"Ricky." The boy said in a deep voice revealing who he really is.

"They're not kids, they're midgets. John said as he moves towards the "Cool to love Jesus" poster and pulling it away as he saying, "Filthy Drug-Peddling Midgets." As it reveals midgets cocaine ring.

"Oh, my god! Look out, Brian" Joe said in shock as a black midget run toward Brian, but the joe throws a night stick to knock the midget out as the rest of the midget surround them. Brian, John and Joe prepare to fight for justice, Joe star punching left and right beating on four midgets and defeating his fifth midget from the back. Then john knocks tow midgets out by bumping heads. Brian then beats three midget with his nightstick as everyone plied up the midget.

Then we cut scene toward the quahog police station, as the midgets get their mugger shots by jumping since they are very small for mugger Pictures.

As we move the scene toward Brian getting praises from his follow cops

"Nice work, rookie!" Joe said.

"You're a credit to the force." Said a random cop.

"Additional generic cop compliment, Brian." Said John for a job well done.

Ha! Thanks. But the real hero here is god for blessing with this nose and a few equally amazing appendages." Brain said as he razzing all the cops in a cheer. As Joe chuckles for the good fun as he reply, "Well, I better take this down to evidence."

"Oh, uh, hey, I'll-I'll do that. Uh, I will catch up with you guys at the pub. As brain volunteer, to put coke bag into evidence as he leave. However, he walk away towards the men's room with the cocaine.

Then we cutaway towards the Mallque Griffin House In the dinner room as they finally made choice on their vacation.

"So it's settled. We're taking a cruise to the Bahamas." Meg cheered for their choice of vacation spots.

"Aw, this is gonna be great cruises are the best." Said John

"And look, it says we have our choice of cabins—port or starboard. Ah! Listen to me. I sound like an old salt." Said Lois as she was laughing at her own joke.

Then Stewie was laughing for irony sake to mock Lois joke. The he calms down as he replies,

"Yes though, I must say I've always dreamed of life at sea."

 **Cutaway**

Stewie is seen at a boat in a sailor uniform as Frank Jr and Navy men stand next to him as he sings in the middle.

 **Stewie**  
 _I'm the greatest captain of the Queen's navy_  
 **Frank Jr and Sailors**  
 _And your record will stand as proof_  
 **Stewie**  
 _Be it galley or a freighter, I'm an expert navigator_  
 **Frank Jr and Sailors  
** _And you're also a world-class poof  
_ **Stewie**  
 _My manner, quite effete, is mistaken on the street  
For a sailor who can pirouette on cue  
Well, despite your point of view, I can thrill a girl or two...  
But I'd rather get it on with you  
_ **Frank Jr and Sailors**  
 _Ha ha ha  
_

Stewie, Frank Jr and the sailors dance around as the musical number ends.

 **Cutaway ends**

As stewie cutaway was over, the front door close as Brian came back from work tired,

"Sorry to be tardy to the party." Brian said as he sit next to Meg and Persephone.

"Wow, Brian! Have you lost weight? You gotta tell me your secret!" Persephone asked.

"Here's a hint: Put down the fork! FACE!" Brian yelled at her while pushes his hand out to her face until John bitch-slap Brian, back to his seat.

"So, how was your day?" Lois ask Brian as he goes nuts.

"My day? Un-Freakin'-believable. First-first we nailed this bastard who had the gall to hide his stuff in his daughter's doll. Her doll, for God's sake! Oh, where's the line anymore? Well, I got news for you: It's...it's...it's...it's...it's not even on the radar screen! The days of decency and virtue are gone, honey. Bam! Freakin' evaporated like a dingy, stinking' mud puddle. One-one day you...you...you see your reflection in it, and the next day i...it's a...it's a...it's a damn oil spot on your cracked driveway, staring back at you, mocking you, blah blah blah, knowing the perverted truths that rot in the pit of your soul... that's how my Freakin' day was." Brian explained his amazing coke day.

The family looks at Brian, stunned, for a long time. Finally, Peter breaks the silence.

"You know what I haven't had in a while? Big League Chew." Peter said

Now we go to Quahog elementary school as the bell ringing for a school assembly.

At the school assembly Brian is called "McGriffin, the Drug Dog," a reference to the anti-crime mascot McGruff the Crime Dog. Now Brian makes his speech,

"So, take it from me, McGriffin, The Drug Dog if you really want to get high, it's as easy as being yourself." As Brian, finish his speech, the entire student class clap for Brian message of drug safety.

"Well, kids, I'm going to pass things off now to… Gerald, the happy and abstinent police clown." Brian said as he look at his flash cards introducing to the next person for this event. As Gerald, the happy and abstinent police appears in a unicycle.

"Hey, kids, you know why I'm happy? Gerald said as he blow a long balloon as he continues speaking, 'Cause I'm free of "S… "T… DS." As he Folding the balloon into an S then to a T and then to a D. Now we zoom in the hallway with Brian going into the boy's room. As two boys are doing their business in the john while talking about Brian,

"That McGriffin guy was so cool." Said the boy in the left John.

"Totally. I'm never doing drugs now." Said the boy in the right john.

After seeing some cocaine on his nose as he shuddering at his reflection in the Boy's room mirror, Brian exclaims "Got Milk?" a reference to the ad campaign. "Got Milk?" as he Hysterical laughs and begins to trip out his fucking mind.

Now we go scene in to U.V. Ray's tanning salon with Peter, Frank, Frank Jr and Chris trying to get tans.

"Now, Chris, Frank Jr, before you go on a cruise you got to build up a base tan." Frank explain to Chris and Frank Jr about tanning.

"Hey Frank, I heard if you use tanning beds, you can get something called melanoma."Chris said with fear.

"Oh, Chris, that's just fancy-talk for "Sexified."Climb in." Peter said trying to make his son more comfortable on tanning his skin. Then peter puts Chris inside the tanning booth and begins the process of tanning. But in a flashing High-Pitched whine, chris was go form the tanning booth.

"Hey, what king of tanning booth is this?" Frank Jr asked the custodian.

"Can't you read? Those aren't tanning booths. That whole row is time machines.," the custodian explain as we zoom out to see on the left was the time machine section and on the right was tanning booths.

"Aw, crap, where the hell is he, dude?" Frank asked the custodian.

Then Chris reply inside the time machine, "hey Guys, I'm in the bible days and there's a whole stadium of people clapping for me. Oh, look, my very own lion."

As frank peter began to freak out they tried to pull Chris out but got the lion before shutting the time machine close while Frank said,

"Huh… Must've got the wrong head." As we zoom out to see Frank Jr and Rocky The Flying Squirrel shows up and says, "And now, here's something we hope you'll really like," a frequent segué in _The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show_.

Meanwhile at the airport, we join Brian and the crew on duty checking people for drugs.

Brian's addiction steadily grows worse, as he started smoking at work in the airport.

"Whoa, Brian, there's no smoking in the terminal." Joe apply to the rulers to Brian.

"Hey, Hey, there's worse things than nicotine, pal and I'm going to find them." Brian reply with surly remake trying to find more cocaine for his fix.

"Ah, patience, lad. It took dear St. Patrick more than a day to clear the emerald isle of snakes." Said office Horowitz with Irish accent. Which piss John and Brian wrong for some strange reasons.

"Oh, can the Irish crap will you Horowitz?" John said the reason being that his new family is Irish.

"Okay." Said office Horowitz with a normal voice.

He finally attacks a man at the airport trying to find "where's the stash. I'll do a fraking body search, I swear.", and is kicked off the police force when nothing is found. He got piss off as he reveals Horowitz impression of joe right in front of his while his being pull away home by john.

Now we join the Mallque Griffin home with the entire family in the living room as we zoom towards peter and Frank Jr reading a book. As Lois is look towards peter for what he is read.

"Oh the old man and the seas. I see you're getting in the mood for the cruise." Asked Lois on the book Peter reading to Frank Jr.

"Yeah. Stupid fisherman… sitting out there on a boat yammering to himself. He doesn't even know we're watching him." Frank Jr holds the book all menacing.

As the door opens, revealing Brain as He returns home that night with a hooker named Tina.

"Oh, Splendid! Fido McCoke-fiend is home."Stewie said about Brian behavior and new guest.

"Everybody, this is Tina." Brian introducing his hooker named Tina.

"What happened to you?" Meg asked Brian on his current behavior

"Hey, how about a little less questions and a little more shut the hell up!" Brian said to Meg.

"You know, just because you can't feel your teeth doesn't mean My mom can't feel your insults you poop head." Frank Jr remark on Brian insulting his mother.

"Hello, I'm Lois Griffin. Welcome To Our Home." Lois introducing herself to the hooker.

"So, what? She's, like, Your Mom or something?" Tina replied that with a weird question.

Then Brian hysterically laughs at that question including peter until Frank Jr gives Peter the stink eye to shut him up.

"Tina, can I get you a warm washcloth to wipe the dried blood from under your nose?" Lois continued being nice to Brian guest. As Brian continued to be an ass of himself as he move toward the TV to show Tina something.

"Here, baby, I'll show you the channel Lois doesn't know about." As Brian turns on the TV to show her and his family the channel, they do not know about.

"Brain, would you..? Chris, Tyler, look away. Meg and Persephone, take Stewie and Frank Jr upstairs." Lois said as she saves her kid from porn. As frank Jr and Stewie leave, they question the program.

"Wait, wait, The man seems to have suffered a rather serious snakebite." Stewie ask about the man and his snakebite.

"And, why are those two lady doing with that cup? They should be helping that man with the snakebite." Frank Jr said he and the group go up stair while trying not seeing the program.

"Brian, would you please ask your new fried to leave now." As Lois yanks the remote and then asked Brian to make the hooker leave now.

"Oh sorry, things getting a little too real for the step ford wife?" as Brian insults Lois to her face.

"And look at you four— the forgetful twins plus the three stooges. I leave more personality in tight could piles on the lawn."

"Oh do me. Do me next!" stewie trying to get a zinger out of brain

"Come on, baby girl, let's go to the park." Brian said before spending the rest of the night out as he closed the door behind them.

The next morning, the Mallque Griffin family hold an intervention with Brian's psychiatrist when Brian comes home, as the door open is to revealing Brian questioning what is going on?

"Hey, doc, what the hell are you doing here?" Brian ask his psychiatrist.

"Your family has something they would like to say to you." Said his psychiatrist.

"Brian, I know I don't speak up much and it's really hard for me to talk about my feelings, but..." Persephone said as the psychiatrist interrupted her

"Why don't we star with someone more inter resting? Peter?" The psychiatrist SAID

As peter clears his throat as he speaks, "Brain, ever since your addiction, you've been a jerk. I miss the good old days when you were my sidekick."

 **Cutaway**

We see Peter dressed up as David Letterman in the setting of Late Show with David Letterman. 

"So she hated my tie until I told her it was made out of 100 percent Buttafuoco fiber" Peter said. 

The Audience laughter as Peter adjusts his head while looking at the camera, along with fixing his jacket and tie. 

"Hey, Brian. How about a little tie music?" he suggested. 

As Brian begins his son, Peter's tie, Peter's tie, that is because Peter's the guy. 

"All right. That's it. A little tie music" Brian sang as he looks like Paul Shaffer. 

Peter plays around with his tie. 

"He-he, yeah" he added.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"Look, you-you guys got it all wrong. I-I-I.." Brian Trying to make excuses.

However, then we zoom to the family looking concerned.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, everyone! Oh, god, I need help." Brian has an emotional breakdown while sobbing as Brian has a good cry after his intervention.

"I guess now we know what kind of dog he is. A "melancollie". No one laughs, "Oh wait. I should have said "chi waa-waa." No one laughs again. "I don't have to Fucking impress you!"Stewie said as he leave in a huff. As Frank Jr rolls his eye in response of stewie jokes.

Then we cut scene towards the griffin car as they eventually decide to send Brian to a rehab center by using their vacation time.

"Look, I'm not insensitive, Grandma but we just don't see why we got to cancel our cruise just 'cause Brain's a cokehead." Frank Jr reply in the middle front seat of the car next to Brian all piss off at his grandma being a control freak again.

"Yeah Mom, why are we suffering because of you having a Conscience for every problem in the family." Frank said reply in the back seat of the car being all piss off at Lois being a control freak again for the ten time in a row.

"We're not going on vacation while Brian's in rehab. We'll just have to wait till next year." Lois replied to everyone that they have to wait until next year's vacation.

"Oh, man." Peter, Frank and Frank Jr moan in disappointment.

"Look Junior, Peter, I'll make it up to both of you. I have a cousin who works at club med." Brian reply to Frank Jr and Peter, owning them a Faber.

 **Cutaway**

We see Brian's cousin Jasper singing and dancing with women wearing swimsuits. 

**Jasper** _  
Me mind on fire  
Me soul on fire  
Feeling hot hot hot_

 __ **Cutaway Ends**

As we zoom in the Providence rehab clinic in awe of the fancy amenities at Brian's rehab facility.

"Holy crap! Look at this place! This where god would come if he had to stop doing blow.' Frank Jr said in awe.

"They have tennis courts!" Meg and Persephone shout in glee.

"And a full Spa!" stewie reply also in glee of the place.

"Whoa! This place in crackle lacking dudes!" said Tyler.

Wow! No wonder people do drugs. Chris said shout of the amazing this place is.

"Good luck, Brian. I just know you're going to get clean." Meg said as she and lois give Brian their wish for him to get better.

"Heh—It shouldn't be too hard to get clean with all these mineral baths and Jacuzzis." Frank Jr said he and the family all-laughing. As stewie get piss off by it.

"Oh, I see, The Monkey child makes a pun and everyone wets themselves. I give you gold and I get squat. I'll be in the car." As stewie said as he leave to the car in huff.

As we zoom in the Providence rehab clinic at night as Brian and the rehab woman walk towards his room for a good productive first day.

"That was a very productive First day, Brian. Our goal here is to find your "X" Factor—the element in your life that made you turn to drugs in the first place." Said Rehab Woman.

"well, just having some time away to sort things out is going to do wonders. Thanks, doctor." Brian said as he thank his rehab doctor, then she leave for Brian reach room 42 for a good rest.

"what… what are you doing here?" Brian asked the people in the room.

"I'm on vacation and oh, if anyone asks about these guys following me here, they on smack." As the person is, reveal to be Peter, who decides to join Brian at the center because he could not go on vacation with John and Frank Jr trying to take Peter back so Brian can heal. Peter thinks the rehab center is a hotel, so he spends his time drinking beer.

As we zoom in the Providence rehab clinic at daytime at Brian's room with Peter acting goofy, even though Brian, John and Frank Jr reminds him that Brain is here in rehab for drugs.

"Peter, this… this is a detox clinic. You can't vacation here." John trying to explain to peter that this place is for Brian to get well from his drug addiction.

"Why Not? This place is way better than a cruise. You should have seen it. I whipped this speed freak's ass at horseshoes today." Peter bragging about his day in this clinic.

"Grandpa, this isn't a vacation for you or me. For god's sake Brian trying to get healthy, look we will stay here until we find a phone to call Grandma Lois to get us home okay so you have to behave yourself." Frank Jr said trying to make his grandfather to behave here while he and john try to call Lois to get them home.

"Yeah, Okay, Okay, all right." Peter said to his grandson response as he leave with Brian to help him heal.

"Hey, softball this afternoon. Bunch of us addicts are taking on the pregnant teenagers from across the lake." Peter trying to add John and Frank Jr to invent that is later happing today.

Now we zoom at a pool meditation session, with the rehab lady look at the session.

"okay, come on, everyone exercise is an important part of recovery. Just work with the resistance of the water. Ten more reps. Okay, and one, and tow, and three." Said the lifeguard is help patients by pool exercise in the pool. But Peter causes unrest among the surrounding patients by playfully removing a female patient's bikini top during a pool meditation session.

"Yeah I'm also addicted to boobies." Peter said as he hold a woman's bra as he goofy laughs in that response until he was drag under water by Frank Jr like Jaws killing people, it leave blood over the pool water.

Now we are at the Providence rehab clinic cafeteria, with peter, John and Frank Jr setting next to an addict.

"Trade you this for your cupcake." Peter said as held fake drugs to the addict for a trade for his food. As the addict look around to find anyone trying to stop this then he grabs the fake drugs and ran out. Leaving peter with the cupcake that he wanted to eat until John and Frank Jr slaps the cupcake out of peter hand as they fight for it. Before long, Peter's obnoxious behavior attracts the attention of the clinic's head doctor,

"What? It was just carpet fresh. I am on your side." Peter said to what he did.

"I'm been observing your behavior and I don't think you're an addict. I think you're an idiot." Said Rehab Woman as she knows peter is not an addict

"well, I don't pay you to think, hot lips. In fact, I don't pay you at all. Count it." Peter said as he Braggs again that he, John and Frank Jr are safe for another day until.

"I'll be keeping my eye on all of you. What's your name? Rehab Woman asked Frank Jr first. "Um... attempting to make up a name, he looks at some hot dogs on a plate,Frank... _,_ looks at a woman saying George _"George_... Frank George..." sees his last name mean had worker in piece paper flouting in the room _,_ "Mallque! Frank G Mallque. Aw, crap." As Frank Jr accidently confess his name.

Then we look on Brian jogging as peter come in a rascal as he is trying to convince Brian to cause mischief at the teen pregnancy center across from the rehab clinic.

"Hey, you want to go mess with the pregnant teens across the lake? Asked Peter.

"I-I Can't. Group therapy, 2:00." Brain responded to peter request.

"Oh, Man, I peeked in on one of those. It was more boring than when I was a security guard for George Harrison." Peter said as he flash back on that day.

 **Cutaway  
**

We see Peter sitting on a desk watching TV dressed in a police uniform. 

_**Peter**_  
 _Charles in Charge of our days and our nights  
Charles in charge of our wrongs and our rights and I sing I want Charles in Charge  
_

"Hey! Hey! Quiet down, up there! You wacky Beatle!" Peter shouted as he turns around for a moment before resuming his TV watching. 

**Cutaway Ends**

"Well, I-I… I have been making a lot of progress lately. I guess missing one session wouldn't be the end of the world." Brian said as he look at himself realize that he is mostly cure.

"There you go." Peter said as he egging Brian on the prank of the centuries.

As we zoom in on Peter and Brian paddling towards the teen pregnancy center across from the rehab clinic.

"Hey what do you think they put in the bug juice?" Peter ask Brian about the bug juices

"bugs." Brian answer peter with died bugs.

"No, they don't. Come-on." Peter trying to denied that response until,

"SHUT UP GRANDPA" Frank Jr said to end this conversation.

Now we are zooming in the teen pregnancy center across from the rehab clinic with Brian, Peter, John and Frank Jr. As they sneak inside by an open window, they put every fourteen pregnant teens in the hand-in warm-water joke as they sneaked out. Then the girls were screaming from the prank that caused fourteen premature births in pregnant teens after the hand-in warm-water joke backfires.

Now we are at the rehab woman room as she nags them for that horrible prank.

"I hope you're proud of yourselves—14 premature births." As the rehab woman nags them for the 14 premature births.

"Sorry, Doc, I don't usually let peter talk me into this kind of stuff." Brian trying to explain himself.

"Waiting a minute. Brain, you have a preexisting relationship with these degenerates?" the rehab woman asked brain now realizing that he has a connection to his friends.

"A degenerate, am I? Well you are a vestiggio! See? I can make up words too, sister!"Peter said to that response.

"well, I think we've found your "x" factor." the rehab woman said as she accuses Peter, John and Frank Jr of being Brian's "x-factor", the reason that he was a cocaine addict.

"What do you mean Peter, John and Frank Jr?" brain asked to why she is blaming them for his problems.

"Their behavior is clearly a negative influence on you and with your intelligence and sensitivity..." As the rehab women was trying to explain to Brian that Peter, John and Frank Jr. Are a bad influence to him and to his life, before Frank Jr interrupted her?

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Hey, We all make mistakes in life including Brian, all right? This man is my grandfather, and he and my father took Brian into their home and treated him like family. In addition, John just came into our lives with Tyler and they both wanted to be a part of Brian's life as well. They both are his best friends." Frank Jr said as he defends his family.

"Yes, and look where he ended up.' She said redefining her response.

"You know what? I think my therapy here is complete. I came here to get clean and I did, so good bye." with a disgusted Brian looking at the manager for blaming them for all his troubles and declares that he overcame his addiction. As they leave peter said,

"Brian, it's moments like this that make me sad you're going to died 50 years before I do." Before Frank Jr response with, "yeah until I figure out to change dog years gene to human years. I have a lot of time since me, John and Tyler are immortal."

As we zoom back to the Mallque Griffin house as the family celebrates Brian's return with their entire friends and the police forces. Now we close up to Frank, Joe, bonnie and their follow police force friends listen to Lois's song about Brian.

 **Lois**

 _He was all coke up_

 _And we were chocked up._

 _But now_

 _Our happy Brian's home_

 _CHA-CHA-CHA!_

As Lois Finish her song as everybody cheer including Joe,

"I am serious, Lois, You could be in show business." Joe telling Lois about her talent.

While Tyler is drunk and saying "CHA-CHA-CHA" repeatedly. As We Zoom in on Chris, Meg, Frank, John and Persephone as they talk to quagmire.

"Hey, Meg, you 18 yet?"Quagmire asked them, which made Frank and John piss for Quagmire asking them about that.

"No!" they reply as he talks to Chris.

"Hey, Chris, How are you?" quagmire asked.

"Well, I'm glad…" Chris responded until he interrupted with an, " all right." As quagmire leaves.

Now we cut in to the police force and Joe trying to apologies to Brian for this whole mess.

"Brian, I feel a little guilty. If it wasn't for me you wouldn't have been exposed to that junk." Joe said explain these weeks' events.

"Hey, Joe, if I've learned anything from my experience it's that we're all responsible for our own destiny." As a cab just enter the neighborhood street as Brian stuns the family when he announces that he is leaving.

"Are you kidding me Brian, you can't leave." Frank said trying to stop Brian from leaving.

"I have to, Frank, for me. I love you all. Oh, and John and Tyler. You guys are cool." Brian as he got his bag as he leave for the door.

"Somebody say something." As Lois asked as Though appalled by this, no one attempts to stop him. Although Frank Jr and Stewie runs out the house after Brian,

"Brian wait!" Frank Jr shouted.

This leading Brian to hold his cab, Stewie just spits in Brian's face, until Frank Jr beats stewie for that, and then he hugs Brian as he wish him good luck in to finding himself

Frank Jr then backs up The Cab from the driveway... he then "accidentally" runs over Stewie's tricycle on the way.

"Oops," said Frank Jr in pleasure.

"MY TRIKEY!" shouted Stewie.

Frank Jr, John and Tyler then flash the west side hand sign to Brian who flashes it back. Before Brian directs the cab to bring him to the airport.

This sets the stage for the second part to the chapter, "Brian Does Hollywood", where Brian decides to pursue the life of a filmmaker.

 **To be continued…..**

 **Okay and THAT IS IT for this chapter! Hew...I'm exhausted.**

 **Well...I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thank for** **pen123,** **Thank you all for cutaways, favoriting, having me on alerts, and for reading ^_^**


	2. Chapter 30: Brian Does Hollywood

**Chapter 30:** **Brian Does Hollywood**

 **Previously on Family Guy Mallque Chronicles**

The pre-theme opening parodies typical cliffhanger endings in American dramas and action television series.

As we zoom in at the Mallque Griffin house as we see Lois finishing listening to call of her house home.

"Oh, my god tell your father not to start the car!" Lois shout to Chris to not let peter start the car. As we zoom in to the family car exploding in five different camera angles.

Then we zoom in to an interrogation room with Frank Jr integrating a prep.

"Do you want my badge number? Here. Here's my freaking badge number!" Frank Jr slams his badge at the prep as he falls on the floor as he looks at the cop who hit him.

As we zoom into New York with Peter and Lois arguing with the judge about a case.

"I can't lose this case.' Lois argues with the man about the case.

"Lois, the case is over already over." Peter replies to Lois saying that the case is finished.

Then we zoom in to Chris finding Tyler died by blood lost as he cries in pain.

"Who did this to you?" Chris asked his dead friend while sobbing.

Then we zoom in to Persephone researching something threw a microscope.

"In all my years of research I've never seen a virus reproduce this quickly." Persephone said as her awe at the virus that she was researching

The we zoom in on Peter, John and Cleveland wear the pastel suits as they were whilst driving a speedboat around a "Miami-like" environment is an homage to the 1980s television show _Miami Vice_ , as they jump out of the boat screaming as it crashs then explodes.

While Brian's remark that "everyone I told about the file is dead" is a reference to _The Net_ as he walks the restaurant with dead bodies on the floor while talking to someone on his cellphone.

Then we zoom in on Meg trying to defuse a bomb.

"What do you mean, cut the blue wire? They're all blue wires!" Meg explain to her contact that the bomb has a lot of blue wires.

Then we zoom in on Menma and Rage shoot someone with their guns.

Then we zoom in the hospital with Frank is in a coma with Lois, Meg and her twin daughters Maddie and Rosie.

"Face it. He's never coming out of that coma." Rosie explain it to her mother that frank not going to wake up. As Lois slaps her in defiance, then Frank Jr appears with the whole Mallque family as he slaps Lois back for hit her little sister. Then they proceed into kick her ass like Jay and silent bob strickback movie.

Stewie shooting at the helicopter and falling through glass is much like the helicopter scene from _The Matrix_. Then it explodes leaving Stewie scream at his doom as he falls into the class window of the top of the building.

Then zoom in to Frank Jr reading a letter to the family that explain about where brain is and who is he doing.

"Brian's gone to Los Angeles to find himself." Frank Jr said as stair at the void

 **Opening Credits**

 _It seems today that all ya see_

 _Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

 _But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

 _On which we used to rely_

 _Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

 _Lucky there's a man who_

 _Positively can do_

 _All the things that make us_

 _Laugh n' Cry_

 _He's_

 _a_

 _Fam_

 _-ily_

 _Guy!_

 **End**

Meanwhile, the Mallques and the Griffins were having breakfast as Peter was coming with a box of Brian's stuff so he can throw it away to hide his pain of losing his friend.

"Peter, don't throw out Brian's things it's not like he's going to be in Los Angeles forever." Lois said as she was bathing Stewie and Frank Jr in the sink.

"He just needs to find himself, grandpa." Frank Jr said as he scrubs his back in the sink as he continued Lois's argument.

"he's not coming back, Frank Jr. you both saw him. He just walked out on us." Peter argued back at his wife and grandchild as he is saying that Brian is never coming home.

"Boy, did we have some good times!" Frank said as he signs in to the room as he remembers all the good times

 **Cutaway**

We see Frank, Peter and Brian playing with a Frisbee at the park.

"Here it comes, buddy!" Frank says as he throws the Frisbee at Brian as he happily catches it with his mouth.

Then Brain throws it back at Peter; however, it slices his face in half, revealing a part of his bone, along with his eyes on the ground.

"Oh, God! Oh, God! (Screams) What are the odds?!" Peter shouts.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"Well, if he does come back I want everything to be just how he left it." Lois said she was join by Meg as she and Lois were washing the scalps of their son's heads. Until they complain about their mother's work on the care of their scalps.

"Easy! Massage the scalp. You're washing a baby's hair, not scrubbing vomit off your Christmas dress, you holiday drunk." Stewie said to Lois.

"Yeah mom! This is scalp is sensitive. You're washing a human baby's head, not scrubbing off the walls of your chores." Frank Jr said to his mom Meg as Frank walks towards the table asking anyone in the kitchen of whereabouts of john and Tyler?

Frank Jr response with, "they went on a search for Brian trying to bring him home. I heard that they are looking for him around the world by now?"

"Brian can be anywhere and I mean anywhere, they looking anywhere?" Frank Jr said. 

**Flashback  
**

John and Tyler fly around the world with a chopper. 

"Is that Brian?" Tyler points Argentina. 

"No" John answered. 

"Is that Brian?" Tyler asked again as he points Tanzania. 

"No!" John answered. 

"Is that..." John was interrupted. 

**Flashback Ends**

As Persephone comes in with a letter from the person they were talking about.

You guys, we got a letter from Brian." Persephone explain that the letter from Brian.

"Tell him I'm not here." Peter said as he trying to hide from Brian not know that it's just a letter. As Lois and Meg were done cleaning their sons and they asked to see the letter. Until Stewie screamed as we see that a fork is stuck on Stewie's butt.

"Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie, there. All better?" As Lois apologies to Stewie as she kisses the wound to make Stewie feel better.

You know, you are some piece of work, lady. If you... Actually, yes, it is." Stewie said as he was ranting until he felt better from the kiss as he now feels foulest.

As Lois grabs the letter she reads out loud to the family to hear, "Greetings form California. I've been very busy." Then Meg took a crack at the letter as she continued reading, "I'm having a great time trying to make it as a writer in L.A. It's just as easy as everyone thinks it is. I've been working the room at a lot of Hollywood parties." As Meg and Lois ooh in excitement.

"Look, Brian is in Hollywood! You Guys Got To go there!" Frank Jr said as he called John and Tyler in their chopper to go Hollywood to find Brian there.

At a Random Hollywood party

We join Brian talking to famous celebrates in Hollywood.

"Bobby, loved you Inraging bull. Hey Jodie, how's the baby? Heh all right." Brian said as the scene revealed to the viewer that in Order to pursue his screenwriting ambition, Brian moves to Los Angeles, California, but he works a menial job as waiter. As He Returns to the kitchen to get refills on food for the guest of the party.

Brian as a waiter walks up to the chief and replies, "Hey, I need more cheese puffs, Manny. Looks like Oprah's off the wagon again. And skip the toothpicks. She'll just hurt herself."

As another waiter comes to Brian to talk about something that happened to one of their follow waiters, "Hey, Bri, did you hear about Jason? Paramount bought his script."

As Brian looks in shocked of the news that he just heard as he replied, "They bought Death Spares Not the Tiger?"

"Hundred grand. Pretty Good, Huh?" the waiter said as he comments on how good was the work on Jason's script.

"Sheesh! He's been in L.A. How long? Unbelievable. You know, he actually called the main character "john Everyman"? C-Come on. Well, good for him." Brian said as he and the other waiter pick up their food to walk back to the party to give the food away. As Brian takes a deep breath and the smiles as he leaves to join the party to get his big break until he bumps into Keanu reeves.

"Keanu reeves. Wow! You know, I don't usually gush so you'll have to forgive me, but when I was writing coast guard—that's what I do—I'm a writer. Anyway, when I was writing coast guard I couldn't think of anyone other than…" as Brian is trying to goat Keanu into take his script.

As we now notice that john and Tyler landed out of the window sealing dress in the tuxes to surprised Brian until they notice that a woodpecker lands on Keanu's head

"Uh-Uh…there's a woodpecker on your head." John said

"Yeah, he comes and goes." Keanu said as the woodpecker come as he pleased

At the Mallque/Griffin house

We join they family watching TV and thinking up a plan to see Brian in Hollywood.

"And Now back to _Kids Say the Darndest Things_." said The TV Announcer as we zoom in to the program. As we seeBill Cosby and a little girl talking about what is the darndest thing she said in life?

"It's okay. Take your time. Then what happened?"Bill Cosby asked the little girl.

"He... he said he would kill me if I ever said anything." Little Girl replied

"Do you remember what he looked like?" Bill Cosby asked.

"Yeah. He had a scar on his arm. And he had a big, stupid doo-doo head!" Little Girl said as she pouts about her situation.

"A big, stupid doo-doo head!" Bill Cosby said as he starts doing a silly dance as everyone in the audience's laughers.

"Honesty, the things children come up with." Meg said as she laugh at the kids active rolls in the show.

"If you have a child you'd like to exploit for a trip to Los Angeles why not have them try out for our show? Next auditions will be in New York, Chicago, and Quahog, Rhode Island."TV Announcer said it show random clips of some the kids that appeared in the show.

"Hey, maybe Frank Jr and Stewie could get on that show." Chris replied he response on his idea to see Brian.

"Eh! You must be 'shrooming." Stewie said as he thinks it's not going to happen.

"Yeah! We can get a free trip to L.A., catch with John and Tyler to see Brian." Persephone said as she trying to pump everyone to Chris's idea.

"Jeez, I haven't been to California since me and Jake lived with my other family?" peter said as he flashbacks a time with Frank's father, Jake G Mallque Sr.

 **Cutaway**

Peter and Jake enters a broken-down shake with Charles Manson and followers inside.

"Guys, We just got invited to a party at Sharon Tate's house! You guys can come but you got to promise not to embarrass us" Jake suggested. Manson and his followers murdered Tate and four others later that day.

 **Cutaway Ends**

At the Mallque/Griffin house at day time.

We join Stewie as he interrogates Frank Jr and his Muppet doll Kermit the frog.

"Talk, damn you! I know you two been plotting to foil my plans of world domination. Who are you two working for? The Libyans? The French?" Stewie said as he slap Kermit like a bitch as he tried Frank Jr but they wouldn't budge. The he moves to the toy chest.

"If torture won't work perhaps a little tenderness will." Stewie said as he pull out miss piggy out to even the game.

"MMM! I like your taste in women. Yes, I think she and I are going to have a good time together. Stewie said as he makes out with miss piggy in front of Frank Jr and Kermit.

"Damn, you are a sick little weirdo aren't you Stewie?" Frank Jr said in disgust as he look away from this freak show make out edition.

"Yes, you like this, don't you?" Stewie said as he trying to break miss piggy into make her a whore.

"Oh, God, Look at me, having sex with a pig! I've become my father!" Stewiesaidwhile making out with a Miss Piggy doll as his question his behavior to his father peter. While Frank Jr quickly gets untied to attack Stewie until Lois comes in to the room.

"Come on, you two. Let's your sailor suits. You two got to look cute if you both are auditioning for national television." Lois said as she trying to get Frank Jr and Stewie ready for the audition for _Kids Say the Darndest Things_ in order for the family goes to Los Angeles.

"Lois, we told you. There's no way… national television, you say?" Stewie said as he stop at the news of being on television live as he walks to his toy chest.

"Coast to coast? Well, that could be the ideal place to unleash my mass-hypnosis device on the unsuspecting public." Stewie said as he agrees to the auditions for _Kids Say the Darndest Things_ in order to unleash a mind control device on the world.

"Oh boy, here we go again!" Frank Jr said as he spoke like Yogi Bear with a green hat that floated above his head, a black tie, then he rolls his eye at the audience as they laugh at his jokes and he signaled to the audience when he wanted them to stop.

"oh, I always love these little sailor suits. Or we could do nice corduroys and sweaters." Lois trying to get Frank Jr and Stewie's option.

"Or you could make yourself useful and wipe my button. Circular motion one finger—and don't you look at me!" Stewie said as he gave Lois a command to clean his butthole with one finger while threating her.

As Frank Jr rolls his eye at the audience with a smug look as they laugh at his jokes and he signaled to the audience when he wanted them to stop.

At the Hollywood carwash

Brain, John and Tyler have jobs at a carwash. As they were washing cars they notice someone waiting for this specific car.

"Oh, my god, that's Michael Eisner." Brian said as the person waiting for this car to be clean was Michael Eisner.

"Well what do you know, it's him! John said as he finish clean the seats of the back of the car.

"Maybe he'll be Brian big brake in this stinking city of lights." Tyler said as he finished clean the bumper of the back seat.

"We… we'd take it from here, Julio." Brian asked Julio that he, John and Tyler would take care of the rest of the cleaning. As they signal Michael Eisner that they are done clean his car.

As Michael Eisner was eating his donut with a cup of coffee as he walks towards the car.

"uh… here you go, Mr. Eisner." John said to Michael Eisner as he cleaned the left wheel bumper of the car.

"It's, uh…it's been brianized. You might notice that new script car I hand-wash comes with a smile, an air freshener, and a copy on my can't-miss, coming-of-age teen comedy set in Wisconsin." Brian said as he still hoping to become a director, presents to each of his customers a script of his own screenplay.

But Michael Eisner, he ignores Brian's offer of the script and simply pulls out a Mickey Mouse hat with "Brian" on it. He then tells Brian. John and Tyler to come to Disneyland, but just before driving off, he shouts, "Bring money!"

At the Quahog INN

We join the Mallque and the griffins as they are trying Frank Jr and Stewie auditions for _Kids Say the Darndest Things_ in order for Stewie to unleash a mind control device, and the family goes to Los Angeles. As they tom tucker and his son Jake tucker, His face is upside-down. Therefore, people use words like "freak" to describe him quite often, as he is frowned upon in society. He also went to audition for Bill Cosby's _Kids Say the Darnedest Things_ , but due to his appearance, he was skipped. This provoked Tom to promise Jake that they'd make their own TV show.

"I don't want to!" Jake cried.

"Yes, you do. Cause its normal." Tom said as he weeps at his loss.

In the audition room

"Tell us, Frank Jr and Stewie what job does a mommy do?" said one of the _Kids Say the Darndest Things_ agents

"Oh, interesting question. More to the point, how does one define "job" without branding oneself with useless labels?" said Stewie as Frank Jr went to slip some coffee, then he look at the agents of the show looks on their faces on that response.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm afraid Stewie answered your question with another question." Frank Jr said

"Um… how old do you think daddy is?" _the_ agent asked Frank Jr this time.

"42!" Frank Jr said the answer but then sees the look again.

"Oh, uh… uh… I mean… I mean… daddy's old! I think he's seven." Frank Jr said in a childish voice.

They All laughing at that response.

"Yeah, that's it. That's what you want to hear isn't it? Yes, yes. Jump through the hoop. Daddy's feet smell! Oh… jackasses." Stewie said under breath as he grin with Frank Jr while rolling their eyes. they both return with the agent to their parents.

"Mr. and Mrs. Mallque/Griffin, they are adorable. Congratulations. Frank Jr and Stewie are going to be on the show." said _Kids Say the Darndest Things_ agent as the Mallque/Griffin Family won the trip.

"Did you hear that guys? We are going to Hollywood. Where the people are sexy and clever and they always say something funny right before the commercial break." Peter said as he waited for the joke but it ends quickly with a black out.

While the Griffins are on the plane to Hollywood, they were trying to get to their they pass a man who is now piss off at Frank Jr and Stewie

"Oh, great. I always end up sitting next to a damn baby."The random Man said as he now complains about sitting next to Frank Jr and Stewie.

"What? What did you just say?"Stewie said as he and Frank Jr are piss off by the man who insulted them.

"Stewie, stop fussing." Lois said as she trying to calm them down and put their seat belts, but it doesn't work.

"Not now, Lois." Stewie said to shut up Lois.

"Hey, big man, turn around." Stewie said as he slaps the man head to get his attention.

"If you've got something to say, say it to our faces dude!" Frank Jr said as he getting up in the man's face.

"Oh, you can't hear me now? All right, that's it. We were going to watch the movie, but forget it. For the next 5 hours, you're our bitch." As stewie said as he and Frank Jr are now going to annoy the man for the whole trip to L.A.

"Waa! Waa! My ears are popping, and there's no way to console me! I'm hungry and possibly teething! Maybe Stewie's wet. Who knows? I'm just a baby. Waa! Waa!" Frank Jr said as he make the man feel that he is in hell by kick the back of the man's seat.

At Encino villa apartments with a 1st month rent is FREE! Sign.

We join Brian, where he stays with his gay cousin Jasper. After menial jobs, such as waiter and car washer, he check his messages for any clients.

As the machine beeps as it replay all the messages that Brian have for him as he goes to the refrigerator to find some food.

"Yeah, uh… this is a message for Brian. This is Jack Nicholson." Raveling Jack Nicholson on the message as Brian grabs some left over Chinese food

"Uh… listen, I read your script and it just, uh… you know, jumped right off the page." Jack Nicholson said as Brian to get excited as his tail waggles.

"Uh… I think it's something I'd be excited to be a part of, so, uh… call my, uh… but…" Jack Nicholson said as he laughing as it reveal to be a prank caller with some else.

"Listen, I'm just jacking you, man. Me and my buddy Phil just found your script at Starbucks" as the fake Jack Nicholson said

"Tell him it sucks." Phil said in the background of the message

"Yeah, it sucks! Give it up, loser. And don't put your number on the cover, you stupid." As the prank caller own Brian by massage

"Hahahaha, I'm Hungry." Phil said as he hang up.

As Brian signs as John and Tyler return from working on waiting on guests at elite Hollywood parties, the phone rings as Tyler answers the phone.

"Jasper's residents." Tyler said on the phone.

As we zoom in into a car with the Mallque/Griffin family with Frank Jr on the phone.

"Who the hell is jasper? Where's John, Tyler and Brain?" Frank Jr asked on the phone.

"Junior? It's us. Jasper's my cousin. I'm using his place while he's working at club med." Brian said as he took the phone answering Frank's question as he pass it to john.

"Are you on a cell phone?" john aske Frank Jr as to how he got a cellphone as he just a baby.

"Yeah, we're in L.A." Frank answer as he took the phone to hi.

"What?! Uh… what a terrific surprise." Brain said as he felt nerves.

"Brian, can we see you and the boys for dinner?" Lois asked as she has the cellphone but it was yank back by Frank Jr.

"Yeah… Yeah, You're not too famous to get together with your old family, aren't you guys?" frank Jr said as he is excited to see his dog and his two brother figures.

"Well, I, Uh… Uh… I was invited to the premier of the new, uh… the new Val Kilmer picture but I'd much rather take you guys out to dinner." Brian said as among the magazines that Brian lampoons are Val Kilmer from Movieline and Kevin Costner from Movieline and he chosen Val Kilmer for the lie.

"How about Musso and Frank's, 8:00?" Tyler said as he took the phone to tell the family to where they are going to eat.

"Okay. See you later, Mr. Big shot…" Frank jr said as the car hit a bump then he accidently ate his cellphone.

"Oh, crap. Junior didn't push "END." This going to cost me a fortune." Peter said as he panics about the cellphone in his grandson's stomach.

As Brian hand up the phone as he, John and Tyler relax on the couch trying to think, Jasper comes back from Club Med with a Filipino boyfriend,

"Brain, J-man and Big T! Okay I'm back. Tell me everything. I'm sitting, I'm hearing. That's Ricardo, Ricardo, Brian, Ricardo, John, and Ricardo, Tyler. He doesn't speak any English." Jasper said as Ricardo returns from the kitchen with the Chinese food and gives it to Jasper.

"Can I? MM-MM-MM-MM-MM. Catching up—okay me first. I'm in love… ooh, too much dressing. He's from the Philippines. I know, I know, I'm a rice queen. So how's the writing thingie going you guys?" Jasper asked as he admitting to Brian that he is a rice queen.

"Terrible. We can't even get my foot in the door." John said as he mops in his game boy as he is now play Pokémon silver.

"Oh, okay, I have somebody you guys have to meet. He's a producer. He's great." Jasper said as he gives Brian hope.

"Really? Oh, thanks. That would be great." Brian said as he is finally get a break in his life.

"So, do you guys like sex in the city?" Jasper said as he ask the group about the show

"Yeah, it's an all right show."

"I wasn't talking about the show. Ooh, I'm nasty!" Jasper said as he inmates horn honking from a truck as he continued, "Someone send me out to sea."

The Hollywood walkway

We see they family looking for famous land markers with Meg's star map shows "the actual gutter where the policeman fell over laughing when Eddie Murphy told them he was just giving the transvestite a ride home," referring to a notorious 1997 incident.

As frank Jr belly rings as peter answers it as he treat Frank Jr as His new cellphone.

"Oh, I think that's for me. Hello" Peter said as he press talk on junior belly.

"Hey, hey, peter, its quagmire." As it reply as quagmire threw Frank Jr's mouth.

"Oh, hey quagmire." Peter reply as he hang his grandson to his ear like a cellphone.

"Guess what? Last night I had sex with a black chick." Quagmire said as a black couple pass bye hear what quagmire said as junior freaks out.

"Uh, uh, uh, uh, we gotta go." Frank Jr said as he hits his tummy to hang up

"Huh. Sorry." As peter and Frank Jr apologies to the black couple.

"What? All he said was "black chick." Dude!" the black lady said to calm them down that it was cool.

"Yeah, I know, but your boyfriend looks like one of your typical angry black guys and I didn't want me and my Grandpa to offend him." Frank Jr reply as he not trying to get in a race war.

"Hey, we cool, G'?" peter said as he trying to make the black guy feel better by doing a hand shake.

"Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? All right." Frank Jr reply as the black couple leaves in disgust.

As we join Brian, John and Tyler meeting the man that jasper said that will give Brain a director job for movies.

"I, Uh… I was thinking Halle berry would be perfect as the camp counselor all the kids want to get with." Brian said trying to show his art.

"Jasper was right. You're very talented. You know, I'm Having a brainstorm here. Have you ever thought about directing?" the producer said as he complement Brian's work.

"Oh, just every waking hour!"

"Well, I got this movie. I'm not going to lie. It's a low-budget movie, but the script is solid. My director dropped out and I need somebody who's smart, ambitious and not addicting to meth." the producer said as he complement Brian's work.

"Well, I am smart and ambitious."

They all laughing at that joke.

"Seriously." the producer said.

"No, No. he's Clean." Tyler said as he confirms that Brian is clean.

At Musso & Frank's Grill.

The Mallque/Griffins dine at the Musso & Frank Grill, an actual Hollywood attraction. Brian is correct that writers Ernest Hemingway and William Faulkner drank there. Peter wonders where the screenwriter of the 1982 sex comedy _Porky's_ frequented.

"Oh, boy, this is great. All that searching—that emptiness I felt back home—gone. I think I've finally found my life's calling, you know?" Brian said as to finally gotten over his problems at quahog.

"Oh, how wonderful. You know, Brian, I've always found your writing to be a little hackneyed and stilted, but I guess that's why I'm not working out here in Hollywood, huh? Oh, congratulations on all your success." Lois said as she chuckles while Frank Jr, John and Tyler look in disgust as to what Lois has said as she is still bitter from the play they took from her back in the chapter 14 "the king is dead!"

"uh…Th-Thank you." Brian thank Lois for the bitter comment.

"Yeah, still butt hurt huh Grandma?" Frank Jr said as he rolls his eye at the audience with a smug look as they laugh at his jokes and he signaled to the audience when he wanted them to stop.

"Yeah she still butt hurt." Frank said as he too made a sarcastic comment.

"Hey, you know what might be a thrill for you guys?" Brian ask the family for a thrill in Hollywood.

"Ooh! Ooh! Eating a pebble!" Chris said in excitement as he try to guess it.

"Ooh! Ooh! Trying to bring you home before something horrible happen here on Hollywood." Frank Jr said as he is still trying to bring Brian home.

"Yes, but I was thinking about stopping by the set to see me in action."

"Brian could we really?"

"Well, you, oh, you do know somebody in the business."

"As the family laugh and cheer for this moment."

"Yes, well, I'm in the business, too, you know. Me and junior are going to be on television."

"Great!"

"What the hell, how this happened?"

"Whoa, really, you two on TV, wow!"

"Yes, and when I make my appearance I promise you'll all be talking about it at the water cooler the next day you guys."

"Yeah. Well, good luck with that. And congrats Frank Jr on your big break since it was you who push me forward to reach my dream."

"Yeah, well, good luck with that." Yutz."

Then the cellphone rings in Frank Jr tummy as he answers the phone.

"Hello. I'm trying to reach Peter Griffin and Frank G Mallque Junior." Said the women in the phone.

"You're in the junior." Frank Jr said

"Mr. Mallque, are you happy with your long distance service?" asked the women in the phone.

"Yes, and I'm sick and tired of you people always calling during dinner." Frank Jr said as he sick of this phone service

"I demand to speak to your supervisor." Frank Jr said as he asked for the supervisor of this phone company

"Hold, please." Said the women in the phone, while on the line with his phone company, Frank Jr hears the 1977 Barry Manilow song "Looks Like We Made It".

"Oh, Junior, I love this song. Open your mouth."

 _Looks like we made it…_

As Lois and everyone is jamming to the song. As Frank Jr rolls his eye at the audience with a smug look as they laugh at his jokes and he signaled to the audience when he wanted them to stop.

As we join Brian arriving at the set of the movie he directing which was at a small house in L.A.

"Brian. Right on Time- I like that. Come in" the agent said as he lets Brian in the house.

So you ready? Ready to shoot your first scene?

I sure am. Where's the set?

Second door on your left.

As we enter the bathroom, where a naked man name Paul puts on his robe as he reads his lines at his seat. As Brian and the agent enter the room where a robe wear women name Jenna walks towards them.

"So… this is some kind of shampoo commercial, right?" Brian asked to what he is working on.

"Do I have to sleep with the dog or one of those two boys in this one?" Jenna asked Zack into who she is sleeping with!

"Hey can someone fluff Paul? He got, like, a wind sock thing going on." Said the camera-man as he looks at Paul's junk.

"So this is some kind of shampoo commercial, right?" Tyler and john said as they both realized that this isn't a commercial, but a porno movie. As the scene turns to black.

And we are back with john, Tyler, Brain and the agent. As the trio figure out that this is a porn movie sets, where they are going to make a porno.

"Look, Zack, I'm… I'm sorry." Brian said he apologies to the agent who is name zack.

"There's just no way Brain can do this."

"I mean, I've been around, you know, I've… I've licked my share of peanut butter, but… I-I just… I think you need to find yourself a new director."

"Are you sure?" zack said as hope they didn't leave.

"We just can't do this." John said as he, Tyler and Brian were leave towards the hallway.

"Come on. Is this any more degrading than washing cars? At least here, you can be creative." Zack said to The Trio at the hallway.

Look, I… I want to make this perfectly clear. There is absolutely no way I would possibly consider doing something like this. Brian lecture zack as he not going to do this until he, John and Tyler look at the door of the bathroom to see Jenna undress to see her hot body.

"unless Brian saw a script first." John said as he asked for a script to show Brian.

"Of course." zack said as he gives the trio a script, they read as they go until they finish to comment,

"you know, this isn't bad." Tyler comment as he like this script.

"It's kind of like bang the drum slowly except the drum's a chick." zack said as the trio think of make this movie awesome.

At the L.A Highway

We join the Mallque/Griffin driving their way to Brian to see him work on the set. As Peter took the wheel as they are speed toward to their destination.

"peter, slow down. Brian said he was going to be on the set all day." Lois said as she trying to calm him down so they can arrive safe and sound.

"ah! "On the set." Listen to you mom! Two days in Hollywood, and you sound like a contract player." Meg said as she and Lois laugh at their experience in Hollywood. As sirens blaring as Frank Jr sees the Los Angeles Police Department trying to pull them over.

"oh, crap—the L.A.P.D." Frank Jr and Peter said as they pull over as Peter is beaten by the Los Angeles Police Department in a manner similar to Rodney King, although he asked them to beat him as a photo opportunity.

"Aaaa, aaa, aaaa, aa, aa, owwww." Peter said as he getting an ass whopping by the L.A.P.D. as Frank Jr films it.

"come on, Grandpa, want to save some tape for the Hollywood sign." Frank Jr said as he is done film it and telling his grandfather it's time to go, As the L.A.P.D. stops hitting peter.

"okay. Hey, thanks a lot you guys."

"Hey, our pleasure. Have a nice vacation, sire." Said the L.A.P.D. officer as he and his partner walk away until he kicks peter in the stomach as he is trying to get up.

"ooh!" peter said from the blow In the stomach.

At the house where the set of Brian's film.

Yes… Yes… Yes… Yes… Yes… the women said panting until somebody said,

"Cut!" as it revels to be Brian, directing the movie while John films it and Tyler checks sound background.

"uh, okay. Uh, nice take, Jenna." Brian said as we turn toward Jenna and Paul in bead trying to make the sex scene.

"but, uh, let's try giving the lines a little subtext this time. Your husband's always away on business and you feel increasingly isolated and unloved so you begin to think maybe you should go back to graduate school and finish your dissertation and that's when you notice the cable man has taken his pants off.' Brain said as he is trying to make art with a little bit of the hanky pankey.

On the set of Brian's film, the Mallque and the Griffins arrived as they aew in the awesomeness of the movie set experiences.

"oh, wow! A real movie set!

Hey, this house looks kind of familiar?

"I'll bet Samuel L. Jackson is here. Since "he's in everything," Chris asks if Samuel L. Jackson is in the film As a nod to Jackson's reputation as the "hardest working man in Hollywood.

"There's Brian!" Persephone said as she points where Brian is where Jackson is, in fact, in the film.

"All right, now, Samuel, when you lay her down in front of the fireplace, I want you to enter from… oh my god!" Brian said he trying to make a scene with Samuel L. Jackson until he spots the family

"Uh, h-hey, you guys." John said as he pulls the family off the set

"Hey, John. Can I be in the movie?" Persephone asked

"Well, actually, one of the Jacuzzi girls didn't show up. How long can you hold your breath underwater, sweetie?" as one screen writers asked Persephone about her air breathing

"Real long one time at hatch pond…" Persephone asked

"No! absolutely not. This is a closed set." John said as he tries to make his family leave and not get involved in this movie

"You gotta leave." Brain said as he too tries to make his family leave and not get involved in this movie

"Get these people out here… Now." Tyler said as he gets security to make his family leave and not get involved in this movie

"Oh, what? Now that you guys are big directors, we embarrass you guys?" Peter said

"No! No, I-I mean, yes." Brian said as he tries to make an excuse.

"Does anyone else smell Astroglide?" Stewie asks as he mentioning a lubricant commonly used in pornographic movies.

At the CBS building

The Mallque and the Griffins are in the dressing room preparing Frank Jr and Stewie for the show.

"you both are going to look so handsome." Said Make-up Artist as he is brushing Frank Jr's hair.

"oh, look at these crow's feet on your face, Stewie." Frank said as he looks at Stewie crow's feet as it made him look ugly.

"My god, you stay up past 7:30 and you pay for it in the morning." Stewie said as he looks around his face for more wrinkles on his face to hide it before the show.

"Who the hell does Brian, John and Tyler think they are to us man?" peter said as he, Frank, Meg and Lois talk about the trio behavior.

"Well, Maybe he thought we'd get in the way." Meg said to calm down her father and her husband.

"It wouldn't be the first time you've disrupted a performance." Lois said as frank flashback on peter disrupting a performance.

 **Cutaway**

The musical CATS was performing a song and dance as Peter drives on stage and hits an actor with his car.

(Audience groans)

"Oh, jeez! Oh, God! Oh, God! I didn't see it! It jumped right out in front of my car! Oh, I am so sorry!" Peter apologized.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"I think we just have to face it, Pops. Brian and the boys are big- time Hollywood directors and we're just simple small town people.' Frank said as he finally admits that they are not going to see their favorite dog and boys again.

"Um, all right, one more. One more. Rob Lowe." Stewie asked his make-up guy as to who in Hollywood is gay.

"Straight." Make-up Artist answer him.

"No!" Stewie said in shocked

"Yes." Make-up Artist said

"Come on, stop!" Stewie said as he is trying not to hear this.

"Ho-hum." Make-up Artist said to Stewie as the answer is true.

"Pull over." Stewie said as Frank Jr herded their conversation.

"Absolutely." Make-up Artist said.

"Really?" Frank Jr asked as if Rob Lowe is really straight.

"Yes." Make-up Artist said

"Oh, well, he hides it well." Stewie said

"Yeah, he wishes." Frank Jr said as he made a called to Jasper to asked him the truth about Brian's job.

At _Kids Say the Darnest Things_ show where the duo of Frank Jr and Stewie begin.

"Stewie—That's a Funny name—Stewie. It's like stew, only with an "E" at the end."Bill Cosby said he introduce Stewie first into his show as he makes a joke about stewie's name with the audience laughs at the joke.

"Hmm." Stewie said to that response with a bland look.

"I meant it's funny, Stewie. See, I had and uncle named Stewie and he used to sell bicycles." Bill Cosby said as he was interrupted by Stewie.

"look, I'm sorry. Aren't you supposed to be asking me a question? Or at least introduce my Nephew to the show? Stewie said as he is trying to move the show into he's direction.

"Stewie, what do you think candy is made out of?" Bill Cosby asked Stewie about candy.

"Sunshine and farts! What the hell kind of question is that?" Stewie said in anger.

"I love candy! When I was a little boy we would play stickball."Bill Cosby asked

"no, no, I'll wait. Oh, are you finished? I'm sorry. You know it's my fault, really. I was under the impression the name of the show was _Kids Say the Darnest Things_ , not _Old Black Comedians Never Shut the Hell Up_." Stewie said as he tries to shut up bill for trying to upstage him on the show.

"ask me what I want to be when I grow up." Stewie said trying to move the show.

"And we also used to play brock-broke." Bill Cosby asked Stewie as he ignore stewie's last statement as he replay a part of fat albert.

"enough of your blather. Good evening, world. From this moment on, I will be your…" Stewie auditions for _Kids Say the Darndest Things_ in order to unleash a mind control device on the world, the host Bill Cosby grabs Stewie's device and unwittingly foils his plot.

"ooh! What you got there? Oh, you get to skiing now!" Bill Cosby laugh as he muttering and chortling as he examines the googles and asking what they are.

"Give… Give that back to me! They're of no use to you!" Stewie shouted as he wants his googles back as he tries to reach them.

"oh, I'm going down the mountain. Goo-Goo-Ga-Choo!" Bill Cosby said as he pretends himself as a skier, he trying skies down a mountain as the audience all laughing.

"No! Don't listen to him! That's not funny! That's just saying what happens when you go skiing! Ah!" Stewie shouted as he wants his googles back as he tries to reach them. But He falls on the floor. As he is get up he rubs his bruised knee.

"here I go, down the slope. Oh I'm going Zip-Zop-Zoopedy-Bop!" Bill Cosby said as he still pretends himself skies down a mountain threw loops as the audience still all laughing.

"stop it! Stop applauding him! He's not even using real words anymore!" Stewie shouted to the audience from laughing as he wants his googles back as he tries to reach them. As Bill Cosby sits down as he introduces Frank Jr next after commercial.

"we'll be back with a little boy with a red tail from quahog who get himself into trouble with his talking dog and baby uncle!" Bill Cosby said to the audience as he muttering nonsense syllables.

"no! my segment's not over!" Stewie said as he is tries to get his segment to continued.

"Come on, little fellow. You like to jump rope, don't you? Bill Cosby asked as he accidently hypnotized Stewie into his will.

"I like jump rope. Stewie said in a robotic, child-like voice.

"All right, so you gonna just sit here and enjoy it." Bill Cosby said.

"I'm going to sit here and enjoy it and I like pudding and Ghost dad was the best movie I've seen since Leonard part VI." Stewie said While he was hypnotized, bill got stewie into says Cosby's film _Ghost Dad_ was the greatest movie since _Leonard Part 6_ another Cosby film. He also says he likes pudding; beginning in the 1970s, Cosby had been the spokesperson for Jell-O Pudding.

As the audience applauds as Stewie went to sleep on bill chest until Frank Jr went on stage. He grabs the googles from bill's face.

"Wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second." Frank Jr said as he stop the clapping

"What?" Stewie said as he wakes up from his hypnosis

" oh just saved your bacon, also Save some power for your hypno googles, Stewie. 'Cause I just figured out a much faster way we can get John, Tyler and Brain back home." Frank Jr saids

Stewie face palmed.

"CRAP!" Stewie said.

Frank face palmed too.

"Aww no!" Frank said.

"Oh yes! Stewie? dad? Go grab a large rectangular mirror, a tape cassette, and a monkey wrench, and meet me at the Woody Awards. COME ON, EVERYBODY! Right this way." Frank said

The Mallques and The Griffins followed Frank Jr to the left of the stage as the audience applaud.

"GLORY, WE CAN'T GO TO THE WOODY AWARDS! SOMETHING TELLS ME IT'S NASTY! JUNIOR? Frank shouted to Frank Jr to come back.

"JUNIOR, WHO THE HELL PUT PUDDING IN MY SOCKS LAST NIGHT? I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO IT WAS!" Stewie shouted to Frank Jr into who was responsible for the pudding in his socks.

"JUNIOR? JUNIOR!" Stewie and Frank said as they shout Frank Jr name. As The two looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders.

"AAWW, HERE IT GOES!" Stewie and Frank said as they ran left side of the stage as the curtains open up to the next scene.

At jaspers apartment.

"good news, good news!' jasper said as he got some news for Brian, John and Tyler.

"What, more people I love think We're arrogant jerks?" Brain said as he feels bad for what they did on set in front of their family into think they just blow them off.

"You're more than that Mr. Nominated-for-an-adult movie-award for-best-new-director." Jasper said as he holds a letter for the woody awards.

"A woody? I'm up for a woody? Brian said as he looks at the letter.

"Come on! Call your family! I bet they'll be really proud of all of you."

"No. I'd rather they think about us as jerks than smut peddlers" john said as he didn't want them to know what they did in hollywood.

"Boys, they're your family. They'll love you even if you made a couple of crappy movies. I mean, Blythe Danner still loves Gwyneth Paltrow. Ooh, score one for me!" Jasper said as he cheers himself on his own score border.

At the E!'s Adult video awards.

Joan and daughter Melissa Rivers host the Woody Awards red-carpet arrivals, just as they have done for other award shows.

"Welcome back to E!'s adult video awards preshow. It's good crowd here tonight, mom." said Melissa Rivers as She introduce her mother, Joan rivers.

"It sure is, Melissa. All the studs and sluts are arriving." Joan rivers said as we zoom into Brian arriving with Jenna Jameson.

"Brain! Brain!" Joan rivers said as she got Brian attention for an interview.

"uh, hey." Brian said in response.

"you're nominated for three of the seven films you directed yesterday- _Add Momma to the Train_ , _The Purple Head of Cairo_ , and. Uh… what was the third one?" Joan rivers said as she congregates Brian for mall his movies except the third one.

"uh, _You've Got Male Genitalia."_ Brian said the last movie name.

"you know, I was asked to star in a porno once but I couldn't because you know, most of my body is less than 18 years old." Joan rivers said as she wheezing chuckles as her' interview with Brian parodies her age and earlier stints on _The Tonight Show_.

"oh, yeah. What was that, like 30 years ago?" Brian asked as Tyler look at her cord.

"Your mic isn't plugged in. you're… you're not even on television right now are, are you?" Tyler said as he is suspected this at the awards. As Joan cries as she said in her mind she is on tv.

Inside the E!'s Adult video awards.

The next awards is for best original score in an adult film and the nominees are rod jones…

As rod jones stand up as he waves his hand to sultry jazz playing as the screen shows himself toning the music and sound of the movie he made with performed on synthesizer!

Walter murphy…

as Walter murphy thumbs up to the audiences as he stands to identical song playing as the screen shows himself performed on synthesizer making music while listen to it on headsets.

…And John Williams.

as John Williams cross his fingers while dramatic theme playing as the screen shows himself lavish orchestral score (one of Williams' trademarks).

While we join Brain, John and Tyler on the bar drinking their problem away. Until…

"Well, you've come a long way from hiding from the vacuum cleaner." Frank Jr said as he surprised Brian with the entire family.

"Lois, Peter, Frank, Meg and Frank Jr!" brain said in shocked.

"Persephone!" john said as she ran up to john as she hug him.

"Chris, Stewie! Come here and give me a hug man!" Tyler said as he was drunk off his own ass.

"hey, buddy. Hey, how are you, Alfred Hitchcock's… Eh? Eh? You like that one, dick hurtz? Ah, I'm sorry me and Frank are already drunk." Peter said drunkly.

"H-How did you guys know… I..?" Brian ponder on to how his family found out.

Lois said that Jasper tells them the truth about Brian's job, and Peter and Lois arrive at the Woodies; the porn version of the Oscars.

"Brian, why didn't you tells us?' Frank asked Brian why.

"I thought you guy's be ashamed of me." Brian said as he glums around his martini.

"oh, are you kidding? I ought to knock you out for not bringing us here sooner." Frank said as he struggles on meg's shoulder.

"look at the pair on that one, Lois. Bigger than your head." Peter said he look at a lady with the biggest jugs as sized of Lois's head.

"so you guys aren't offended by this?" Brian asked this.

"Well, I can't say I approve, but…" Lois said until Frank Jr interrupted her.

"We love you, guys. If this is what makes you guys happy we support you, no matter what!" Frank Jr said as he will never give up on his family.

"Wow, I never thought that you guys cared so much about us?" john said as he and Tyler cried from heard that speech from Lois and their little brother Frank Jr.

"my god. I-I thought I needed to get away from you guys to find what was missing in my life, but… the only thing I'm missing is my family. How could I ever have become involved in this filthy, degrading business?!" Brian said as he was comfort by family at last as his life was whole again.

"and the award goes to Brain griffin." The MC said as he announced Brian's name.

… just in time for Brian to accept his award. As Brian rush to the ceremony to get his woody award.

"Whoo! Whoo! Oh-Oh wow! My god! This is unexpected. I want to thank my incredible production team of John and Tyler who have been me from _Shaving Private Ryan_ all the way to _Welcome to my face_ …" Brian said as he took his speech paper from His Coat.

As we join Frank Jr and his family in the background of the bar.

"He live with us back in quahog." Frank Jr said to a random guy at the bar.

As the random guy looks up and down of the figure of Lois griffin and Megan Griffin.

"You two got a nice wiggle, babies. You want to be in a movie? Huh? Little Girl-Girl action, maybe?" the random guy said as he is trying to get Lois and Meg into a porno movie.

"Ah! Frank! /Ah! Peter!" both Lois and Meg said as they trying to get their husbands to defend their honor.

"good luck, buddy. I've been barking up that tree for 16 years, 17 years for my pops." Frank said as he and Peter drinking their martinis.

"sorry sir but this family is getting out of the porn business! Come guys let go home." John said as he carried Persephone in his arms as he and the family go home.

In an airplane going back to quahog. We join the Mallque/Griffins on the plane.

"wow, that was a wonderful trip and everyone has something to remember it by.' Lois said to Brian at the front seat next to him as we move towards the kids, with Chris and Tyler with big sun glasses and a giant pencil, John and Persephone with Hollywood tee-shirts, Stewie with a palm tree hat, Frank and Meg with twin Oscars trophies. At the end Peter kidnaps Jenna Jameson, ties her up, gags her, and takes her home with him. Until Frank Jr hit his grandfather in the head.

"you're going to love it at our house in my room, Jet Jameson." Frank Jr said as he used the Hypnosis googles on her to change her mind as she begins to fall in love with him. As the plane flies under the sun as the chapter ends.

 **Chapter ends.**

 **Okay and THAT IS IT for this chapter! Hew...I'm exhausted.**

 **Well...I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thank for** **pen123,** **Thank you all for cutaways, favoring, having me on alerts, and for reading ^_^**


	3. Chapter 31: Mallque goes to DC

**Chapter 31: Mr. Mallque and Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington or Mallque goes to D.C  
**

 **Opening Credits**

 _It seems today that all ya see_

 _Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

 _But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

 _On which we used to rely_

 _Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

 _Lucky there's a man who_

 _Positively can do_

 _All the things that make us_

 _Laugh n' Cry_

 _He's_

 _a_

 _Fam_

 _-ily_

 _Guy!_

 **End**

Now we join the Mallque/Griffin house with Lois entering Stewie and Frank Jr room to put some of their toys in their closet.

"That's funny. I don't remember buying Stewie these toys." Lois said as she looks at stewie's clothing closet. As she thought the laser gun was a toy gun until she fire it and a hole was made. The hole reveal a secret lair with lots of military weapon and equipment that has the means to take over the world.

"Oh, my God! It all makes sense now. My baby is some kind of diabolical genius bent on world domination!" Lois said, as she gasp and looks around in shocked, as she finally now knows her son is pure evil.

Stewie slow clapping as he said "Bravo, Lois. The last horse finally crosses the finish line."

"Stewie! All these months I should've been paying attention to what you've been saying. You're an evil child. Why? Why did I have to go and smoke pot when I was pregnant with you?" Lois said as she revel that stewie was the result of getting high while pregnant.

"Cheer up, Mother. You should be proud. You've given birth to the future emperor of the world. Pity you won't be around to enjoy it. Cheerio!" Stewie said as his press a button that opens a hatch as Lois Screams and yells into the abysses. It the revels to be a dream as Frank Jr and his Father, Frank Sr are trying to wake up Lois.

"Grandma. Grandma! What is the matter? Frank Jr said as Lois wake up.

"I just had the strangest dream. Something about Stewie and Cheerios. It's gone." Lois said as she tries to remember what she dream about but the dream memory fades away.

"Is it true that you smoke weed while you were pregnant with stewie?" Frank asked her as he saw what Lois was dream about.

"What?" Lois said.

"What?" Frank Jr said.

"Well, come on, get up. It's opening day for the Sox. Hey, John, Tyler, Persephone. Chris, Meg, we're going to Fenway!" Peter said as he, Frank Jr got out of bed to revel they and Frank are dress up for the game.

"Peter, you can't pull the kids out of school for a baseball game." Lois agued with peter for trying to play hockey at their education.

"Aw, there's nothing these kids learn in school they can't learn on the street." Frank said as it sets a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see a ghetto neighborhood as two gang members hang out.

"It's 3:00. Where the hell is Louie?" gang member 1 asked.

"Well, you tell me. Louie left his house at 2:15 and has to travel a distance of 6.2 miles at a rate of 5 miles per hour. What time will Louie arrive?" gang member 2 asked.

"Depends if he stops to see his ho" gang member 1 answered.

"That's what we call a variable!" gang member 2 added.

 **Cutaway Ends**

As we join the family in the living room with John, Persephone and Brain sitting on the couch with Meg leaning on the side as Chris come in with a sign for the game with Tyler.

"Look what I made for the game." Chris said he and Tyler are holds up sign reading John 3:16

"What does that mean, anyway?" Meg asked on what John 3:16 mean.

Brian reading from Bible as he said "And the Lord said, 'Go, Sox."'

As Frank Jr and Tyler dress as priests as they say "halluya"

"Frank, Dad, don't you two have to work today?" Meg asked her husband and father as they walk in in the Boston sox baseball uniforms.

"It's nothing a little phone call can't take care of." Peter said he pick up the phone as he calls Mr. Weed from the happy go lucky toy factory.

"Hello?" Mr. Weed said as he answer the phone call from peter at his office.

Mr. Weed? Frank and I cannot come to work today. I was in a terrible plane crash. Most of the entire family was killed, and Frank is a vegetable from the waist down. I'll see you tomorrow. Peter said as he hangs up the phone.

"Huh? Huh?" Frank said as he and Peter are trying to get a response from the youngest members of the family.

"Oh, please, Peter. Your excuses are lamer than FDR's legs." Brian said, as everyone else was Gasping to Brian response.

"Too soon?" Brian said, as he was bitch slap by Frank Jr and Frank as he said "yeah it was too soon dude."

"Yeah bad dog Brian, bad dog!" Frank Jr said to finish this communication

At a Red Sox game as we join a mother and a son who has a disease trying to catch the home run game ball.

"Here it comes, Jeremy!" Jeremy's Mom said as she see the ball coming at them.

"I got it! I got it!" Jeremy said as he is ready to catch the game ball but was denied by peter as he butts in by catching Jeremy's ball until Frank Jr kicked peter in the balls as he let's go of the balls. The ball went back to Jeremy's glove as he cheers for Frank Jr for give him a chance on dream. As another ball flies toward Frank Jr as he catches it.

"Yes! Yeah! All right! I'm the man! Yeah! Hold on to this, Stewie. It'll be a souvenir of your first major-league game with our Family." Frank Jr said for he pass his ball to stewie as he already feels good for save a kid's dream for getting the game ball.

"My God. I shall cherish this forever. I say, Opie, I'll trade you this baseball for your souvenir bat." Stewie said, as he is notice a boy with a bat as he offers a trade for the bat.

"Sure!" said Boy as they trade their items until stewie hits the boy to get his ball back.

"What did you learn?" Stewie said as he teaches the boy a lesson, do not trade stuff while watching a baseball game. Everyone in the family are enjoying the game.

"This is great. We haven't done anything together like this since we saw Mike Tyson get beat." Peter said as he sets a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

The scene shifts to a National Spelling Bee when we see a teen Mike Tyson competing.

"All right Mike, the word, again, is "onomatopoeia"" the moderator said.

"Uh..."C."" Mike answered.

"I'm sorry. That's incorrect" the moderator said.

"Oh, dang!" Mike cursed.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"I'm so glad you talked us all into playing hooky." Lois said as she kiss peter on his idea for ditching work for watch a baseball game live.

"Me, too. Hey, maybe we can get on TV if we take our shirts off and run onto the field." Peter said as he is taking off his shirt to get himself on the jumbo screen.

"Peter, I'm not taking my shirt off." Lois said, as she is not showing her goods to the world.

"There. Now they're old news." Peter said as he pulls up Lois' shirt, showing her black bra aka her goods to the world.

"Peter!" Lois screamed as she puts her shirt down as peter went down drunk like an idiot screaming while Frank chasing him down.

"Go, Sox!" Peter said as he runs toward the bottom of the stadium until he tumbles down steps. He screaming until he crashes into a hotdog person.

"Hmmm." Peter hums as he rises with a hotdog in his nose. He then Snorting hot dog then Snorting mustard. As frank catches up with him as he grabs

"Peter?" Mr. Weed said as it reveals that he was also at the soxs game.

"Oh, uh, hi, Mr. Weed." Peter said as he gasps as he and frank are in trouble.

"Well, it seems you've made a full recovery." Mr. Weed:

"Oh, yeah. That plane crash I told you about, it turned out to be gas." Peter said as he is trying to make an excuse.

"Aha! Liar! Tomorrow, my office, 9:30." Mr. Weed said as Frank and Peter walk up to their seats as they were both busted.

"I'm tired of Mr. Weed treating me like a common doormat. I want him to treat me like one of those deluxe one from Pottery Barn with the fancy straw." Peter said as he take his seat. As he was, complain about his job.

"I don't care for Pottery Barn. Peter, if you want Mr. Weed to respect you, you're gonna have to earn it, me and Tyler are going to help you." John said as he and tyler are going to work with Frank and Peter.

"Well, thanks guys. You guys are the best." Frank said as he thanks John and Tyler for the help.

"Hmm, "earn it." Peter said as he Snorting drink.

At the happy go lucky toy factory.

"Why have you forsaken me?" Mr. Weed said as he cries in his desk as peter comes in with Frank John and Tyler to apologies to Mr. Weed for skipping work to go to a baseball game.

"Uh, Mr. Weed? I heard you ran into my identical twin brother at the ball game yesterday. And if you don't buy that, I'm sorry I was at the ball game yesterday." Frank said as he and peter are trying to apologies for what they did.

"Peter, I just received terrible news. This company has been taken over by a conglomerate. After 23 years of faithful service, I've been terminated!" Mr. Weed cried as he lost his job to the El Dorado Cigarette Company. They had taken over the toy factory and Peter is retained.

"Wow, the business world sure is funny." Peter said

 **Cutaway**

The scene shifts to a scene in the TV show 'Dilbert'.

"Hey, Dilbert, what do you call it when a guy in middle management moves all the way to upper management?" Wally asked.

"I don't know. What do you call it?" Dilbert wondered.

"A promotion" Wally answered.

"Oh, thanks. Here's a memo" Dilbert hands Wally a piece of paper as both men walked away separately.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"Well sometimes the business world's funny." Frank said as John and Tyler just roll their eyes in disgust.

At the happy go lucky toy factory with a new division of the El Dorado cigarette company.

"And so, on behalf of the El Dorado Cigarette Company I'd like to welcome you to our family. I think you'll be very happy with the changes we've made" Executive said to the works including John and Tyler. As Frank, Peter, John, Tyler and a follow work look around as they see the new change came in from the new division by having ping pong and pool.

"Aw, this is sweet!" Peter said to the new change at the toy factory until Frank, John and Tyler notice something that doesn't belong in the factory.

"Why are you putting a window in the middle of the factory?" Frank ask the Construction worker.

"So Aunt Bee has a place to let her pies cool." Construction worker said as aunt bee come near the window with a baked pie.

"Hello, boys. Today's pie is cherry. It'll be ready just in time for lunch." Aunt Bee said as she explain what is today as Tyler came close as he smell how good the pie it is.

"Wow, these guys sure know how to run a company." Peter said as he complement the company. As john judge this with a frown as he said, "I don't know about this you guys, but these people are acting fishy."

"What do you mean J-man? I do not think there is anything fishy here since these pies are delicious." Tyler said as he and frank are eating pie by the shit load but john sign as he slaps his forehead.

Meanwhile The El Dorado board members were watching their new employees like evil villains.

"Look how happy those morons are. They'll never realize we're using those toys to get children addicted to our company's cigarettes." Executive said as he and the rest of the El Dorado board members All Laughing maniacally as thunder claps from the background.

Then, The El Dorado board Executive then Whistles in his pet puddle.

"Good boy, Connor. Pull." The El Dorado board Executive said as he pets it until he gives him to his follow executive as he has his gun. Then other executive opens the window, the other executive throws Conner out the window as the The El Dorado board Executive shots Conner dead. Then The El Dorado board Executives All Laughing maniacally for the dogs' death.

At the Mallque/Griffin house in the kitchen, everyone was waiting for Frank, Peter, John and tyler to come home so they can eat their dinner.

"Can't we eat? I'm so hungry I could ride a horse." Chris said as he got Frank Jr confused by that weird response.

"I don't get it." Frank Jr said as he didn't get what Chris meant by that as he think it's impossible to ride horse while being hungry.

"Well, I could ride it to the store, I guess." Chris said as he is trying to explain what he going to do with that horse.

"I told you we're not starting without your father, your brother and the boys. Dinner just isn't dinner without them." Lois said

"Well, perhaps I could help simulate the experience." Stewie said as he throws face into food and he makes ridiculous noises. As Frank, Peter, John and Tyler walk in with box full of lobsters.

"Hey, family. Anyone in the mood for lobste-oh, God! One of them has my pupil!" Peter: Screaming as one of the lobsters has one of his pupils as frank tries to get the lobster to let go, until Frank Jr slaps the lobster into a hot boil pot as he closes the lid traping him there until the lobster dies.

"Peter, Frank, how the hell can you two afford lobster on your salarys?" Brian asked as he notice how expense lobster is.

"We got a raise." Frank said as Brian does a spit take from the news he got from Frank.

"What?" Meg ask in shocked as to how this happened.

"Yeah. The new owners gave everyone raises. Even Kenneth, the bad-ass mail clerk with the heart of gold." Peter said as he flash back on Kenneth.

 **Cutaway**

The scene shifts to Peter and Frank's job.

"Hi, Kenneth. Hey, did I get any mail?" Frank asked as he and peter walk up to him.

"No! But if you come any closer, I'll slice you!" Kenneth threatened.

"Okay! Okay! Man, what a bad-a**!" Peter said to an employee.

"Yeah? That bad-a** just gave half his paycheck to orphans. Orphans with diseases!" the employee snapped as Frank and Peter looks at Kenneth while sentimental instrumental music plays as Peter and Frank smiles as they both nodded of approval.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"And check out the new toys we're making." Peter said as he pulls out an ordinary girls children's toy that has a cigarette.

"Baby Smokes-A-Lot"? Meg said as she push the button on the back of the baby toy.

"Tastes like happy." Baby Smokes-A-Lot said as she smokes and Baby giggling.

"Cool! That's imitatable!" Chris said in excitement.

"What the hell? El Dorado Cigarettes? That's who bought your company, dad?" Frank Jr said in shocked

"Oh, my God! They're trying to corrupt our children!" Lois said as she is concerned about El Dorado immediately starts making toys to promote underage smoking.

"Well, what do you expect? Those bastards turned a whole generation of Americans into smokers with their damned subliminal advertising." Brian said as he sets up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

The scene shifts to a scene in the TV show Lassie while Timmy and Ma are washing the dishes.

"Timmy, where's Lassie?" Ma asked.

"She's out in the orchard, Ma. Peaches are coming in mighty early this year." Timmy answered.

"Smoke!" Jerry appears in a white screen.

"You know what they say, Timmy, "Early peaches, long summer."" Ma said.

"Smoke!" Jerry repeats himself.

Lassie runs home while barking.

"What's that, Lassie?" Timmy asked as he pet the dog.

"Are you smoking yet?" Jerry demanded as he appeared in a white screen again.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"Peter, if kids see this doll, they're gonna think smoking's okay. You have to talk to your new bosses first thing in the morning." Lois said as she prods Peter to confront the management about it.

"Don't you worry, Lois. I'll set them straight. Just like I did with Frank Jr and Chris." Peter said as he does, he sets a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Peter, Frank Jr and Chris whale watching on a boat.

"Dad, what's the blowhole for?" Chris asked.

"yeah, what's the blowhole for anyway, Grandpa?" Frank Jr asked as well.

"I'll tell you what it's not for, you two. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World" Peter explained.

Frank Jr just stares at his grandfather in what his grandfather did in Sea world.

 **Cutaway Ends**

At the happy go lucky toy factory executive office, Peter and Frank to confront the management about making toys to promote underage smoking.

"Gentlemen, we need to talk. My wife says you're trying to get kids to smoke." Peter said

"That's just not true." Executive said to defend the management.

"What about this toy?" Frank said as he pulls out Baby Smokes-A-Lot as the invidents.

"Frank, Peter, it's just a doll with a cigarette. I mean Barbie has a Dream Car, but you don't see every 8-year-old driving. They're just fun toys." Executive said trying to distract Frank and Peter.

"Smoke!" Jerry said as he trying to brainwash Frank and Peter with his subliminal advertising.

"Not now, Jerry. Trust me, Peter. The last thing we want is to get kids to start smoking." Executive as he shush jerry as frank and Peter caught on.

"What about that graph on the wall that says: "The first thing we want is to get kids to start smoking"?" Frank asked as he looks at one of the graph on the wall.

"That? Oh, that's just something my son made me in art class." Executive said as he is covering up.

"Then what about that poster that says: "The graph was not made in art class. We really do want kids to start smoking"?" Peter asked as he points at one of the graph on the wall exposing the lie in front of the executive.

"Look, we're a caring company. I mean, would frank really be the president and Peter the vice president of a company that didn't care about kids?" Executive said

"No. But I'm not the president and Pops isn't vice president." Frank said to that response.

"Yes, you are, if you want to be." Executive said as he and El Dorado board Men All Agreeing makes Frank the president and Peter the vice president of the toy company to distract them.

"Oh, wow. Imagine, us, presidents." Frank and peter said as they imagine being President of the united states.

 **Cutaway**

Peter and Frank struts around the Oval Office as happy music is playing.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"I'll do it!" Frank said as he agreed.

At the Mallque's/Griffins' kitchen

Peter sings, "Hail to the Chief" off-key as he and Frank walk in to pared themselves around the kitchen table.

"So how did it go?" Meg asked Frank as he stops to answer the question.

"I'm not finished yet." Frank said as Peter sings more "Hail to the Chief", as he said, "Aren't you gonna ask me how it went?"

"Yes! Did you talk to the company executives?" Lois asked as Peter sand more "Hail to the Chief" until John just slap peter to shut him up.

"Peter, Frank, answer Lois's question!" Tyler shouted.

"Yeah, we did! They made Frank president and me vice president." Peter said as he and Frank gain a promotion.

"Of the whole company?" Persephone asked in shocked.

"All right, Dad and Grandpa!" Frank Jr said as he and Chris congratulates them, by hi fiving them.

"You should've seen the way they were treating us. I never got that kind of respect before." Peter said as his flashback at past job.

 **Cutaway**

Peter is seen working as a swimming coach.

"Great workout, Bobby" Peter complimented as Bobby got out of the pool.

"Up yours, sack breath!" Bobby taunted.

"That's "Mister Griffin"" Peter corrected.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"But, Peter, why would they make frank president?" Lois asked.

"Maybe it's because Frank can recite all 50 states in a quarter of a second." Peter said as he make Frank do a Yelp noise to prove a point.

"Peter that was just a loud yelping noise." Lois said.

"Jeez, Lois, I thought you'd be proud of me. After all these years, the company thinks I'm worth something. Wait till you see all the perks we're gonna get." Peter said.

At James woods reginal high school. We join Persephone and meg getting their stuff for next class until they meet an ugly girl as they closed their lookers.

"Um, hi. Can I help you?" Meg asked.

Some company hired me to stand next to you so you'd look better by comparison." Ugly Girl said as she was hired to stand next to Meg and Persephone so they'll look better by comparison

"That's ridiculous. I don't need..." Persephone said as boy from her class interrupted her.

"Persephone, did you get less ugly?" The boy asked

"Yeah!" Persephone said as she and Meg hug the ugly girl close so they can gain more popularity.

At the Mallque/Griffin house I nthe living room as Frank and peter asked everyone to close their eyes as they in for a surprise.

"Surprise!" Peter said he uncover Lois eyes as nothing has change in the living room.

"Everything looks the same." Lois said in a bland tone.

"Oh, it looks the same, but actually El Dorado Cigarettes has coated the entire inside of the house with a microfilm of Teflon, so it's easy to clean." Peter said as he explains that they don't have clean hard anymore.

"Oh!" Lois said until everyone slip and fell on the floor.

"Maybe I shouldn't have had them do the floors." Frank said as Frank and Stewie slip pass by them in the nude.

"We're "Nudes on Ice"!" Stewie shouted as they move around the living room on their butts

At the Mallque/Griffin kitchen, everybody was eating breakfast as Brian is smoking while Lois, forget her opposition on El Dorado Cigarette.

"This is so exciting. Frank's first day as President and Your father's first day as Vice president." Lois said as Frank and Peter walk in in their working suits.

"Good morning, First Family." Peter said as frank sips his morning coffee.

"Ooh, Mom, what's in this coffee?" Frank asked for what this amazing coffee come from.

"Isn't it wonderful? The company sent Martha Stewart to help me with the housework. I take back all the bad things I said about them. The coffee is delicious, Martha." Lois said as El Dorado hired Martha Stewart to help Lois around the house that make Lois forget her opposition.

"A little chicory perks up the taste of roasted coffee beans. It's a good thing." Martha Stewart said as she drinks a cup of coffee. But someone in the family name Brian is not swayed.

"Well, I think it's a crappy thing! In fact, this is my last cigarette, ever. You make me sick, letting yourselves be bought off with a few lousy perks." Brian said as he pledges to quit smoking.

"Oh, I beg to differ." Stewie said, as he is gain a massage by a male masseuse.

As it was up to Frank Jr, John and Tyler to fix this problem, but john and Tyler notice a marijuana joint on the floor next to Brian seat. They pick up the marijuana joint since the cigarette company took over the toy factory. As John wonders, why is this joint so troubling to the family? SO He, Tyler, Stewie, Frank Jr...In addition, of course the loveable Old James to smoke that joint. Oh, hold on. Wait a minute. Old James- Old James was not there. I do not even know nobody named Old James. Shoot. Go on! As Old James disappears from this story. As we join them at the garaged, as me the author of this fanfiction said, however, man, John and Tyler would never forget the first time they will smoked...that sweet, sweet chiva.

"Why don't you light it up there, J-man?" Tyler asked.

"All right. Here goes nothing." John said as he burning and inhaling vaporized cannabinoids from the joint as he pass it to Tyler.

"Feel anything?" Frank Jr asked as he looks at them as Tyler started to smoke the joint.

"Yeah, l feel my chest caving' in." Tyler said as he pass the joint to stewie.

"This stuff didn't even work." Stewie said as done smoking as he pass it to Frank Jr.

"Man!" Frank Jr said as he notice that the join mostly gone thanks to stewie, so now Frank Jr is safe from drugs today.

"Come on. Let's get some candy and get out of here, J-Man." As they went to the Quahog Mini-Mart, they didn't notice that they were walking very slow.

"I've heard people say they don't get high the first time they smoke. Not John. Oh, not them. They were really, really high. They was toe up!" Frank Jr said as he narrates what going on. They were in the snack ale as John went to get some candy but what he saw was crazy as he notice that his favorite candy is the size of a person.

"Do you guys feel different?" Frank Jr asked everyone.

"A little." John said as he continued eating the candy bar.

"How 'bout you, Tyler?" Frank asked Tyler as he was in the comic book isle as he read a sonic comic as sonic the hedgehog comes to life as he give him a thumb up as he said, "he is feeling it!"

"How you doing', Stewie? Stewie?" Frank Jr asked stewie as stewie appeared out of a slushy machine.

"l haven't been so thirsty….in my entire life." Stewie said as he was so thirsty.

"Do you guys hear that? Feels like Jerry Garcia's in my head. Am l going' crazy?" Frank Jr said as he was hearing somebody's music inside his own head.

" _We look at that day as the day we met the fifth member of our crew- marijuana! Oh, Lord, they were hooked!"_ Frank Jr narrated as it zoom to stewie with a shocked look then to John with a Blake look, then to Frank Jr with him laughing and finally to Tyler as he is chilled out with a tie die shirt. As they walk away out of the Mini mart toward their home, let us see where frank and peter are doing.

At the happy go lucky parking lot. As peter and Frank are trying to find a parking space.

"Oh, you do not need to park here, Mr. Griffin. You have an executive parking space now." Valet said as he point out Frank's new parking space.

"But that looks exactly like my old space." Peter said as nothing has change.

"Yeah, but this one comes with your own company suck-up." Valet said as Frank's own company suck-up come in to greet his new boss.

"Morning, Mr. Mallque and Mr. Griffin. Nice day." Suck-up said.

"It's a little cloudy." Frank said.

"It's absolutely cloudy, one of the worst days I've seen in years. So, good news about the Yankees." Suck-up said

"We hate the Yankees." Peter said

"Pack of cheatters, that's what they are. I love your tie." Suck-up said

"I hate this tie." Frank said.

"It's awful, it's gaudy, it's gotta go." Suck-up said as he agreed on everything his new boss said.

"And I hate myself." Frank said as he is trying to make his suck up slip up.

"I hate you, too. You make me sick, you fat sack of crap." Suck-up said with a smile trying to suck up more.

"But I'm the president." Frank said.

"The best there is." Suck-up said.

"But you just said you hated me." Peter said.

"But not you, the president, the you who said you hated you who...love, hate, Yankees, clouds..." Suck-up said as he Starts to shake, Whirs, shakes violently, short circuits, malfunction as his head explodes.

"I'll have that fixed for you tomorrow, sir." Valet said as he pick up the suck up's body.

At the happy go lucky toy factory, Executive introduces Frank and Peter to their new offices.

"Here's your new digs. Now, get to work, sport. We're counting on you." Executive said as he leave Frank to do his own thing while peter does own thing as well.

"Wow. My own office. Well, I guess I'd better get busy." Peter said as he looks around his new office. Then he Pencil sharpening as he sighs. Then he tries to sticks finger in pencil sharpener. "Ah!" Peter yell in pain as he looks furtively around and unzips pants. Outside the office a prolonged screams

At the border directors with a Sinister, instrumental music play in the background.

"Gentlemen, we have a problem. There's an anti-smoking bill before Congress that could put us out of business." Executive said as he walk around the office to look at the view widow to look at his workers.

"Yes. Apparently causing cancer is this year's "hot button."" Executive 2 said while making a sarcastic hand jester.

"I don't understand it. We've tried everything to get through to these politicians. Harvard lawyers, lobbyists, wisecracking leprechauns." Executive said as he explains everything they done to get the politicians on their side.

"Excuse me. Do you have a dollar? I'm a little short." Leprechaun said as he Laughs at his own joke.

"Maybe that's the problem. They're all idiots in Washington. Instead of a smart guy, we should send Godd person and a moron they can relate to." Executive 3 said

"Yeah. Yeah. Good thought." Executives all said as they all agreed.

"But where are we going to find someone within the company who's that cool with people and who is that stupid?" Executive said.

"Yeah. In addition, the second person not just stupid. Fat, too." Executive two said.

"Yeah, yeah. That's exactly what we need." Executives said

"Hey, wait a second. Didn't we just make a fat, stupid guy Vice president?" Executive 3 asked.

"You bet we did. Gentlemen, our new tobacco lobbyist is That Guy and that guy!" Executive said as he points out Peter and Frank as they were spotted trying to cut their toggles by air fan.

 **Cutaway**

We see Peter dressed up as the main character from That Girl and he is seen looking at the window, looking up the sky as a bird poops on his face, walking around and sees a reflection of himself wearing a black dress. He waves at himself but he winks back and Peter runs away scared as car crashes each other. Then he flies a kite with a picture of his face, but a mugger steals his purse. Luckily, Peter beats him up and at the end; he poses in a purple dress with flowers and smiles.

Singers:  
 _Diamonds, daisies, snowflakes, That Guy?  
Chestnuts, rainbows, springtime is That Guy?  
He's tinsel on a tree?  
He's everything that every guy should be?  
Sable, popcorn, white wine, That Guy?  
Gingham, bluebirds, Broadway is That Guy?  
He's mine alone, but luckily for you?  
If you find a guy to love?  
Only one guy to love then he'll be That Guy, too?  
That Guy!_

 **Cutaway Ends**

We join Frank and Peter at the chairmen office with the chief executive.

"So, uh, what's this big assignment you got for me, Chairman of the Broad?" Peter said as he and frank laugh.

""Chairman of the Broad." When did you become such a stitch?" Executive said as he Laughs at the joke.

"Don't you remember? You gave me writers. "Sir, I don't want to say you're rich, but when you walk into a bank, all the tellers go, 'Whoopee!"' That wasn't funny. I thought you guys said you were Jewish." Frank said as he realized that this joke was not funny as he argues with Peter's comedy writers.

"He's only half-Jewish." Writer said as he points to his blonde coworker.

"You're fired." Peter said as his former writer walk away.

"Here's the thing, Mallque, Griffin. Some troublemakers in Congress are trying to shut us down. We need someone important, like you two, to go down to Washington and help those bastards see what kind of fun-Ioving people the tobacco industry's really made of." Executive said.

"Washington? Ah, sweet. I'm your man. But I gotta warn you-I made enemies on the Hill." Peter said as he and Frank flashback on that day.

 **Cutaway**

We see Peter at Capital Hill.

"And that's when Clarence Thomas forced me into his chambers and showed me lewd pictures" Peter explained.

"Mr. Griffin, we have indisputable evidence that not only have you never been in the same room as Clarence Thomas, you've never been in the same state. How do you respond to that?" the Senator asked.

"Baba Booey! Baba Booey! Howard Stern's Penis! Baba Booey! Baba Booey! Baba Booey!" Peter answered jokingly as he is drag away from the court room.

 **Cutaway Ends**

We join the family eating dinner with Martha Stewart serving more ham slices.

"How long will Frank and Dad be in Washington?" Meg asked

"As long as it takes. Your Husband, He's a very important man now. You know, he's the spokesman for his entire industry." Lois said.

 **Cutaway**

There is a montage of Frank and Peter in cigarette ads. Including one with Frank riding on top of a woman in a bikini while surfing with the words 'Alive with Flavor'. Peter riding a donkey on a desert with the words 'Welcome to Smoking' Country'. A magazine ads features Peter as a parody of the Marlboro Man, drawn like Joe Camel, and Frank laughing while having drinks with women with the captions 'You've Come a Long Way Honey'.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Now we join them at the living room whileMartha Stewart is arranging the room.

"Thank you, Martha. Brian, could you pass me the TV Guide?" Lois thank Martha while asking Brian for the TV guild.

"Piss off!" Brian said as he was in no mood.

"What?" Lois shouted by that response.

"I'm sorry. It just feels like forever since I've had a smoke. I'm just a bit testy. Stop staring at my tail!" Brian said as he shouted a meg to stop looking at his tail until Frank Jr bitch slaps him off the couch then Frank Jr sets Brian off like a golf ball. Then he sends Brian out of the house threw the widow.

At Washington D.C, we join Frank and Peter near the white house calling Mr. Harrison.

"Hello, Mr. Harrison? Yeah, we see those government guys you were telling us about. Me and Peter will show them a good time and bring them around to our side. Excuse me. Al Gore, George W. Bush?" Frank said as he and peter drive next to the government guys.

"Yes?" Al Gore answer.

"Yes?" George W. Bush as well answer.

"Ah, great. And what's your friend's name?" Peter asked.

"Dick Armey." Al Gore replied.

"No, seriously. What's his name?" Peter said Laughs at the name as he asked again.

"Dick Armey." Al Gore replied again.

As Peter Laughs again at the name.

"Oh, I just got it." Al Gore said as he Laughs at the joke.

"Hey, Armey. What's your wife's name? "Vagina Coast Guard"?" Frank said as he laughs at the name as well.

"Nah, I'm kidding, you guys. Hey, get in the car. We're going to a skin bar." Peter said as he offers them to go to a strip club for fun.

"Great. Yeah. Sounds good." The D.C People All said as they enter Peter's car.

At the oval orifice all girl revue skin bar, a U.S senator just kill a hocker while his buddy just arriver to see what happed.

"Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I don't know what happened!" Senator said as he was hype ventilating as to what happened. Frank and Peter arrived to calm down the senator.

"Whoa, it's okay, it's okay, Senator. This girl didn't have a family. It'll be like she never existed. Now grab a hold of yourself. All right. Now, listen. You may have killed her when you shoved those dollar bills down her throat. You may have killed her when you hit her with the stool. I don't know. I'm not a doctor. But I'll tell you what didn't kill her. Smoking!" Frank said as he holds a pack of cigarettes.

"You have our support, Mallque." Al Gore said as he agreed to el dorados plan with the other senators.

At the Mallque/Griffin house where everyone was reading magazines with picture of Frank and Peter on them.

"Look, kids. Here's your father in People magazine with Jim Carrey. And they're both "Smokin'!" I loved that in Mask. "Smokin'!" "Smokin'!" "Smokin'!"" Lois said as she repeats the word smoking until Brain could handle it anymore.

"Damn it! Do I have to listen to this drivel 24 hour a day? But I guess anything's better than looking at your smelly face!" Brian shouted to everyone as he insulted meg of her face.

"Mom!" meg said as she was insulted.

"Honey, your face smells fine. You know he doesn't mean it. It's just the lack of nicotine." Lois said as she explains Brian's behavior until Frank Jr appears right in front of Brian.

"Well It doesn't go well with me or my boys." Frank Jr said as he punches Brian, hoping that it will support Lois's claim that Brian's behavior isn't funny. John and Tyler also beat Brian up, only to make him cry more and scream in pain.

"Hey, Mom, the school janitor said that Frank and Dad's working for the bad guys. And he said it through a hole in his throat." Chris asked as he questions Frank and Peter's working for bad people.

"Well, That doesn't make him right." Lois said.

"If I had a hole in my throat, I'd put pennies in it!" Chris said as he talks something stupid.

"Listen, your father's doing great work, and life's never been better." Lois said

"Yes, I, too, applaud the oaf for finally showing some initiative. God knows he was years overdue." Stewie said as he lights a cigarette while John and Tyler smoke a joint.

Lois Gasps and Frank Jr while he forgotten what happened do to being exposed by marijuana, he was also shocked on what's happened

"You know who I saw at the market today? Patty Croft. Oh, and she has gotten fat!" Stewie said as he smokes until Lois grabs the cigarette and destroys it. Frank Jr slaps John and Tyler out of smoking the joint.

"Oh, my God! Stewie, John, Tyler, no! Oh, God. What have I done? I knew smoking was bad, but I still sold my soul. And for what? Martha Stewart? Come on, kids. We gotta put a stop to this. Now!" Lois said as she and the kids follow Peter to Washington, D.C. leaving Martha Stewart alone in the house.

"Finally." Martha Stewart said as she Sighs and Farting as she leaves the living room.

The scene where there is an anthropomorphic legal bill singing on the steps of the U.S. Capitol Building is a reference to the 1970s educational movie series _School-House Rock._ As Schoolhouse Rock music is playing."? _They call me Bill, yes, they call me Bill? And I'm standing here on Capitol...?_ " Bill said as he screams by a custodian, as he cleans up paper on the U.S. Capitol Building stairs. As we join Frank and Peter talking to Bob dole.

"Bob Dole's a friend of the tobacco industry. Bob Dole likes your style. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole..." Bob Dole said as he falls asleep from his own banter. As Lois and Meg come in dragging John and Tyler by ear.

"There you are! Peter, I caught Stewie smoking." Lois said as she shows Peter and Frank what Stewie did.

"that's not the worse of it, we caught john and Tyler smoking marijuana. That cigarette company is evil. We can't be a part of this anymore." Meg begs frank to stop to save their family.

"Lois, Meg, this is the best job we ever had! Hey, since Frank became president, profits have been higher than Alyssa Milano." Peter said as he Laughs while frank look concerned by that response and his family addicted to smoking.

 **Cutaway**

We see a real life Alyssa Milano watching the Family Guy episode on her TV in her house.

"What kind of cheap shot...Joel!" Alyssa shouts.

"I'm suing. I'm suing. I'm on it" Joel responds as he answers a phone call on his desk.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"Mr. Mallque and Mr. Griffin, time for your speech." The Aide said that it's on.

"But, dad, Frank, what about your son, John and Tyler? Meg said as she begs them to stop again.

"So John and Tyler had a puff. They are old enough to make their own decisions. For God's sakes, Lois, Meg, he's 14. Cut the umbilical cord!" Peter said as he doesn't let Frank talk as he and peter walk in and are easily able to communicate with the congressmen. Frank prepares to deliver his speech on the floors of congress assembled,

As congressmen Applauding.

"Ladies and gentlemen of Congress, Me and Pops here today to talk about smoking." Frank said his speech.

"Please, frank, do the right thing." Lois said as she hopes frank do the right thing.

"I know a lot of you are already on my side. And for you naysayers, I have two strong words for you: come on! Come on!" Peter said as he eggs them on.

"Okay, sure. All right. Done." All Congressmen agreed

"Thank you, ladies and..." Frank said but hears someone in the back coughing.

"Baby needs to suck ash! Baby needs to suck ash! Not "ass," you pervert. Save it for the interns." Stewie said as he is coughing as he grabs a guy's cigarette and other guys lighter until the guy misinterpret what Stewie said as a gay thing for later.

"Is that a baby? Oh, my God! That's Stewie! Mom was right Pops! What the hell we're we think! Children under 4 shouldn't smoke! Look, I don't care about this stupid job anymore. Cigarettes are bad!" Frank said as he now tells Congress to reject El Dorado's proposal.

"Mr. Mallque is right! Smoking is a horrible vice! It shortens life expectancy and pollutes our air. And according to recent polls, air is good" Congressman said as he was convincing by frank's speech.

"Cigarettes killed my father and raped my mother!" Congressman 2 said as he revels a truth as every congressman Gasps by that revelation.

"Gentlemen, I propose we send a message to tobacco companies everywhere by fining the El Dorado Cigarette Company infinity billion dollars!" Congressman Frank said as he imposes a fine of infinity billion dollars.

"That's the spirit, Frank! But I think a real number might be more effective. All in favor of fining this evil tobacco giant $100 million, say "Aye"!" Congressman 3 said as he and the rest of the congressmen go on a man hunt for the people that are responsible.

"Aye! Aye!" Congressmen said.

"But that'll bankrupt us!" Executive said as his company is bankrupting in the process.

"Oh, you mean the way you've morally bankrupted America?" Frank said as he made a joke while the Congressmen are Laughing.

"Thanks for that zinger, boys. Now, give me a snappy line to go out on." Peter said asking for more jokes by his writers.

"Actually, our lunch is here." Writers said as they walk for lunch leaving peter alone on stage.

"Well, that's my mama!" Peter said as he Stuttering and Laughing nervously, then he run to follow Frank.

[Heroic instrumental music]

Which brings John and Tyler to the outside of the U.S. Capitol Building, where they had to make things right with Persephone and the family.

"Hi.' John and Tyler said as they talk to frank about their addiction.

"Are you?" frank said as he asked that are they clean.

"A little bit from yesterday." Tyler said

"you know, when Kenny got, But-But-But, Mary Jane, listen. We're done. We're done buying' it. We're done smoking' it. This is the last of it, right here. we just wanted you guys to see us get rid of it.' John said as he held the last joint.

"Could we just have a- a moment alone?" Tyler said.

"Do what you gotta do." Frank said as he and the family leave toward the car to go home.

"Be strong." Persephone said to john.

"Thanks, Persephone." John said as he and tyler talk to the joint.

"Mary Jane, being' with you these past 11 years has been wonderful. But we gotta move on." Tyler said as they imagine the joint is a back women face on it.

"Come on. Smoke me. Have a quickie for old time's sake." Mary Jane said as she trying to get them to smoke her.

"No. She's looking." John said

"She's looking." Tyler reply his response as they are trying to quit.

"All right. Really quick." Tyler reply as he wants one for the road but john slaps the lighter off Tyler hand.

"No. No! lt wouldn't be right. Goddamn you!" John said as he throws the joint away in traffic.

"You'll be back!" Mary Jane said as she lands on Brian's hand.

"Everything work out okay?"

Yeah. Let's go home." John said as they leave D.C, Lois cognates Frank for doing the right thing in the back of the car, while Brian smokes the joint that landed on his hand, outside the window of the back of the car. Until Frank and Frank Jr beat the shit out of him and tell him that, this family is going to be clean. As Frank Jr looks at the fourth wall at the audiences he narrates,

" _l know, l know, what you're thinking'. That old John and Tyler sold out, right? But let Frank Jr tell you something. they love weed, okay? they love it. But not as much as Tyler loves the family and John loves Persephone's pussy."_

The End.

As cut to the Griffins backstage features a reminder from the cast about the risks of killing strippers.

"hi. I am Frank G Mallque from Family Guy Mallque Chronicles. You know, we've had a lot of laughs tonight but I'll tell you what's not funny. Killing strippers." Frank said as he remind the readers of killing strippers.

"Strippers are people, too. Naked people who may be willing to pleasure you for a price you negotiate later behind the curtain at a vip room." John also explain the uses of the strippers.

"Besides, there's no need to kill them. Cause most of them are already dead inside." Tyler said as he explain to everyone that strippers are already suicidal.

"Good night everyone." Said Frank Jr as everyone in the family wave's good-bye.

 **Chapter ends.**

 **Okay and THAT IS IT for this chapter! Well...I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thank for pen123, Thank you all for cutaways, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas, also to** **Family Guy Fan writer 15** **, have ideas just pm me and thanks for reading ^_^**


	4. Chapter 32: One if by Clam Two if by Sea

**Chapter 32: One if by Clam Two if by Sea**

 **Opening Credits**

 _It seems today that all ya see_

 _Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

 _But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

 _On which we used to rely_

 _Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

 _Lucky there's a man who_

 _Positively can do_

 _All the things that make us_

 _Laugh n' Cry_

 _He's_

 _a_

 _Fam_

 _-ily_

 _Guy!_

 **End**

As the Scene open up to The Drunken Clam, 1977. Jake G Mallque, Cleveland, Peter, and Quagmire are sitting at a table in 70s clothing. There is disco music playing.

"Here you go, boys." Horace said as he passes the group some beers.

"Thanks, Horace. So I told my boss I'm not staying in that stupid toy factory. I'm gonna go places." Jake said as he and Peter Jabs their fingers onto the table.

"Oh, that's cool." Cleveland said as Quagmire bobs his head.

The Drunken Clam, 1984. Jake G Mallque, Cleveland, Peter, and Quagmire are sitting at a table in 80s clothing. Muzaked version of "Every Breath You Take" by the Police is playing.

"Here you go, boys." Horace said as he passes the group some beers.

"Thanks, Horace. So I told my boss I'm not staying in that stupid toy factory. I'm gonna go places." Jake said as he and Peter Jabs their fingers onto the table.

"Oh, that's cool." Cleveland said as Quagmire bobs his head.

The Drunken Clam, present day. Frank G Mallque, Menma, Negi, Cleveland, Peter, Zeke, Joe, and Quagmire are sitting at a table in their regular clothing. There is music playing.

"Here you go, boys." Horace said as he pass them their beers.

"Thanks, Horace. So I told my boss that Me and Pops like my father be for me. I'm not staying in that stupid toy factory. I'm gonna go places." Frank said as he and Peter Jabs his finger onto the table.

"Oh, you are living la vida loca." Menma said as Cleveland and Quagmire bobs his head.

"Well, it's late. I better head home." Joe said.

"What do you mean "home"? You guys live here." Horace said the gang all laughing.

"Yeah. Here's to the Drunken Clam, boys. Where they don't ask for proof of age, and neither do I." Quagmire said as the gang all sip their beer.

"Quagmire, you forgot to say "oh."" Cleveland said.

"Are you sure? I think-think I did. All right." Quagmire said as he looking around.

"Well, just to be safe, oh!" Quagmire said as does his signature thrust.

Sudden cut to the bar's TV.

"The show that no one wants to see, but everyone will watch, it's _Frank G Mallque Jr With Vital Information For Your Everyday Life_!"

Frank Jr's dressed as a wannabe gangsta.

"How's it hanging dawgs? I'm Frank Jr and I'm gonna lay down some phat info to save yo' sorry asses."

"My Grandparents wish I was never born!" the off screen voice yells. "And so do I! Now get over here and jimmy this jelly!" "I have absolutely no idea what that even means and I still don't wanna!"

"If you're afraid of heights, you shouldn't climb up to high places. If you're afraid of bathtubs, you probably smell like something died, your smelly moron!"

"If you're at a fast food place, and you cut in line, then you're a line cutter! And if you're a line cutter, then you're grandma will come to your house while you're in the shower, and pelt you with diseased cats!"

"Oh macarena macarena macarena. Oh macarena macarena macarena. Oh macarena macarena macarena. Oh how I hate whoever wrote this song!"

"If a girl asks you out, the first thing you should NOT say is 'I made poopy!'"

"My grandma said "Frank Jr stop chewing on the carpet." And I said "go kiss a gorilla CORNCHEESE!" I have no idea what that meant either."

"On your first date, you shouldn't say stuff like "I have a violet kangaroo who lives in my head. Now let's make tongue whoopee HoneyStuffin!"

"There once was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children she didn't know what to do. That must've been one BIG ASS shoe."

"When thinking over a situation, it's best not to think at all. Leave the thinking to the people with brains, you sacka dumb monkeys!"

"It was the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring... except for this fat guy trying to get in through the chimney."

"There comes a time in everyone's life when they must learn about the birds and the bees." Frank Jr takes out a bird and a bee in a jar. "This is a bird and this is a bee." Frank Jr lets the bee out of the jar and the bird eats it. "And that's how babies are made!"

"Well, if you'll excuse me, I gotta go see a man about this thing on my butt. Peace!"

"This has been Frank G Mallque Jr with Vital Information for your Every Day Life."

We interrupt this program to bring you a special bulletin on the approach of hurricane Norman. Diane Simmons said.

"Here with an update is Greg, the weather mime." Tom Tucker said.

The scene Shows Greg making shivering motions. Then we cut back to Tom.

"Okay, i-it's gonna be cold, very cold, and-and there's gonna be wind, and…." Tom Tucker said.

Then scene Shows Greg wiggling his fingers and bringing his hands down. Which Implying rain. Then we cut back to Tom.

"-people's parents will throw fecal matter down on them from the rooftops! How awful!" Tom Tucker said. Then scene Shows Greg glaring at Tom with clenched fists.

"Oh, no. I'm sorry, that's-that's rain. Yes. It'll rain." Tom Tucker said.

Cut to the hallway of the Mallque/Griffin house. The lights are off. Lois is kneeling on the floor next to the children.

"Remember, the number-one cause of injury during a hurricane is broken glass. So stay away from the windows." Lois said she calm down her children and her only grandchild.

"And Peter, Frank, put those away." Lois said as she turns around then Glares at Peter and Frank.

As then scene Shows Peter and Frank with many drinking glasses set on a table.

"Aw, come on, Mom. Just one more song." Frank said as he and Peter Begins playing music with glasses.

"Mom, I'm afraid if I fall asleep, the hurricane's gonna sneak up on us and give Chris a vasectomy." Frank Jr said as Chris is started to freaky out.

Peter: Relax, Chris. Nothing bad ever happens when you're asleep. In fact, sometimes good things can happen.

 **Cutaway**

"Oh, Jeni. Jeni" Peter talks to himself as Lois opens her eyes. "Oh, yeah, Jeni, don't stop" he adds as Lois sits up in bed and glares at Peter. "Oh, Richard Jeni, your HBO comedy specials have brought pleasure to millions" Peter comments Lois smiles, lies down and closes her eyes. "And what a sweet a**" Peter said as Lois snaps her eyes open.

 **Cutaway end**

Cut to a scene of a priest standing outside a house, ushering women inside.

"Right this way, everyone." Priest said.

"Bless you for helping us, Father." Woman said as she enter the house.

"It's God's wish, my dear." Priest said the Women walks inside. The Priest takes off his mask to reveal that he's actually Quagmire.)

"All right!" Quagmire said as he snickers.

Cut to the news.

"Well, hurricane Norman is beginning to pound Quahog. We now go live to Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa for a look at how locals are dealing with the imminent disaster. Tricia?" Diane Simmons said.

As we cut to a scene of Tricia Takanawa standing outside. Fierce winds are blowing.

"Diane, I am here in-." Tricia Takanawa said until she Gets hit by a car that is being blown by the wind.

Cut back to the news.

"Thank you, Tricia. Stay tuned for further-." Diane Simmons said finishing the news until she gets hit by Greg the Weather Mime, who is being blown by the wind.

Cut to the outside of the Mallque/Griffin house, after the hurricane is over.

"Ahh! Oh, what a mess!" Mallque/Griffin Family said as they look outside from their house as they get out to look around.

Look at that! Meg said as she Points to a tree with a plank through it.

"Wow!" Brian, Frank, John and Tyler said.

As the scene change shows Peter backs out from behind a car, screaming. He has a plank stuck through his stomach.

"For the love of God, do something!" Peter shouted

"Oh, my God! Daddy! Daddy!" Meg, Persephone and the Family said as they freak out from what happened to peter.

"Oh, God! Oh, God! Gotcha!" Peter said as he pulls the plank off to reveal it's one of those arrow-through-the-head dealies. Family laughs.

"Oh, I See, Guys, natural disasters have their lighter sides, too. we just have to be creative." Frank said as he gets the joke that peter display.

"Yeah, like my and Tyler's dead-rat marionette theater." Chris said as he and Tyler are shown holding two dead rats attached to strings, like puppets. Chris begins to make a "conversation" between the two rats.

"I'm so stressed. Life sure is a human race." Rat 1 said with Chris voice.

As The family laughs.

"Right, that's brilliant!" Stewie said.

Cut to a scene of Peter, Frank, Cleveland, Negi, Menma, Joe, Zeke, Rage and Quagmire in a car, looking at the wreckage.

"Oh, my, look at all the damage." Cleveland said.

"Damn this place look like shit now bros." Menma said as he look at the street.

"Oh, thank God the open air debris garden is still intact." Peter said as the scene shows the open air debris garden. Which is actually a bunch of trash.

"Peter, look! The Clam!" Cleveland said as he Points at the drunken clam.

As Tires screeching as Peter brakes, Cleveland gets slammed into the windshield. They rush out of the car to see the wreckage of the Clam.

"Ahh! This is horrible!" Peter and Frank said As the Gang gets all teary around this point.

"You think this is horrible, try losing a testicle in a knife fight with your mother!" Horace said as he is carrying a suitcase.

"What about your bar?!" Zeke asked.

"It's not my bar anymore. I sold the place. Let someone else worry about hurricanes." Horace said.

"Who'd buy a wrecked bar?" Menma and Rage asked.

"The bar's not wrecked." Horace: said as he leave and a bulldozer clears away the wreckage to reveal a new bar called "The Clam's Head Pub."

"All right!" the Gang shouted in cheer Together.

"Oh, thank you, God." Peter said.

"Don't mention it." God said as he rides off on a white horse. Frank, Menma, Rage, Zeke, Negi, Quagmire, Peter, Joe, and Cleveland rush into the new Clam.

"Wait a minute. Something's different." Peter said as orchestral music playing. Pans around the room to show British men dressed in suits, and bowlers, and all that jazz.

"Evening, gents. How about a nice, warm lager?" British bartender asked the gang.

"And help yourself to a packet of crisps." British Man said as he holds French fries

"Or a ruddy nice plum pudding." British Man 2 said.

"Holy crap! It's a gay bar!" Peter said as Negi and Cleveland stares at Peter.

Rule Britannia playing

"They turned the Drunken Clam into a British pub!" Joe said as zeke looks around the British pub.

"Oh, well, at least they still got sports on TV." Peter said as the rest of the gang walks over to the TV.

"The new bowler for Somerset is our Spinner Heath who has a cover point long on square leg deep extra cover on two short legs." Announcer said about the game on the TV.

"What the hell is he talking about?" Peter asked.

"Oh, it's cricket. Marvelous game, really. You see, the bowler hurls the ball towards the batter, who tries to play away a fine leg. He endeavors to score by dashing between the creases, provided the wicket keeper hasn't whipped his bails off, of course." Negi explain peter what the game was on the TV.

"Anybody get that?" Peter asked the gang.

"The only British idiom I know is that "fag" means "cigarette." Cleveland said.

"Well, someone tell Negi that I still didn't get it and this cigarette to shut up." Peter said as Quagmire rushes in from the bathroom, holding a book.

"Hey, guys! Th-there's no more girlie magazines in the can! All they got is this-this David Copperfield!" Quagmire said as he displays the book.

"W-w-wait, any pictures of his girlfriend?' Frank asked him for the girlfriend pictures as Quagmire flips frantically through the pages.

"No! No pictures at all!" Quagmire said

All gasp. Cleveland crosses his eyes.

"I think we should go." Cleveland said.

"Yes. This is a dark and evil place." Peter said as the gang all back out slowly.

Cut to two British Guys sitting in the pub.

"I say, Caruthers." British Guy asked his friend.

"Hmm." Caruthers his friend.

"Do you know what's very, very, funny? (pause) A man dressed in women's clothing." British Guy said as he said a joke.

"Hmm, yes, quite. Ripping good laugh." Caruthers said.

"Yes." British Guy said.

"Hmm." Caruthers hmm in agreement.

At The inside of the Griffin house. Peter and Frank bursts through the door.

"Lois, the Drunken Clam's been taken over by a bunch of lousy, limey, tea-sucking British bastards!" Peter said

"Peter!" Lois shouted.

"Pops, Negi is British" Frank Shouted for that response.

"Hello, Nigel Pinchley here. I was just introducing myself to your wife, who I must say is an absolutely gorgeous bit of crumpet." Nigel said as he and Lois start laughing. Nigel looks over Lois.

"Holy crap! You're one of them!" Peter said in shocked.

"Peter! Nigel and his daughter are our new neighbors." Lois said as she introduce Nigel to her family.

"Yes, and I'm afraid I'm the "limey bastard" who has purchased your bar. Bit of an awkward moment, really." Nigel said in embarrassment.

"Awkward moment? I'll give you an awkward moment. One time Pop and mom during sex, he called Mom "Frank." Your move, Sherlock." Frank said as Nigel stares at Lois, and Lois looks shocked and embarrassed.

"Frank and Peter! Excuse us." Lois said as she excuse herself To Nigel, Ushers Frank and Peter out of the room into the kitchen with Meg, Persephone, Frank Jr, John and Tyler.

"Why are you acting like this? Nigel's charming. All British men are." Meg said

"Yeah, right. That's what they said about Benjamin Disraeli."

 **Cutaway**

We see Benjamin Disraeli writing something on his desk.

"You don't even know who I am" he looks at the audience.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Cut back to Lois and Peter

"The British are a lovely people like Frank's cousin Negi. Not physically, of course, but inside. And Nigel has a very sweet little daughter." Lois said.

As the Scene change to Outside the Griffin House. Stewie and Frank Jr were outside having sandwiches and drinking boxes of apple juices when a little girl their age shows up speaking in a cockney accent.

"Aww... look at the little babies." Eliza said in a cockney accent.

"Ah what hell was that, is a banshee moaning!" Frank Jr said as Stewie just sprayed juice out annoyed.

"Oh god, what the devil that ghastly noise?" Stewie shout as well.

"It's me, Eliza Pinchley. Would any of you babies want a flower?"  
Eliza said as she offers a flower to Stewie and Frank Jr.

"Excuse me, I think you mean to say is 'Would one of you like a flower?' Heavens, you don't much as speak the language as chew on it and spit it out." Stewie said.

"Stewie! That is so rude!" Frank Jr said.

"Ah, what's wrong with the way I talk?" Eliza said.

"Uhhh... everything..." Stewie said.

"Stewie, she talks like that because she's from the cockney part of Britain, that's why she talks in that accent." Frank Jr said as he explains to stewie about Eliza's culture.

"That explains that ghastly accent... Look, here's a shiny six pence if you keep your mouth shut and go away." Stewie said as he shuddering.

Stewie flicks a coin over to the ground by Eliza. Eliza bends down to pick it up unaware that Stewie is looking at her diaper under her skirt as Stewie seems unimpressed. But Frank Jr got into Stewie's way.

"Stewie, you shouldn't look under little girls' skirts." Frank Jr said.

"So what, all she had was a diaper under there." Stewie said in argument.

"But still, that is so wrong." Frank Jr said as he finish the argument with cross arms.

"Oh, so is that's wrong do you? Then how about this?" Stewie said.

Stewie suddenly drags down Frank Jr's pants exposing diaper.

"Oh Eliza, I think Frank Jr has the hots for you." Stewie Calling to Eliza to see Frank Jr's diaper and Stewie runs off hiding in the bushes.

"Dammit Stewie!" Frank Jr shouted as Eliza fainted by how attractive Frank Jr was.

Back to Lois and Peter

"Honey, I know the Drunken Clam was your bar. But maybe you and your friends can find somewhere else to act like idiots." Lois said.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. You know why I married you, Lois? It's not just the rack, or the caboose. It's that big, sexy brain of yours." Peter said as he begins licking Lois's head. They both are laughing.

"Mrs. Griffin is right frank, will find a new place you guys to drink!" john said as he and Tyler try to cheer Frank up as they were disgusted by peter licking Lois's head and laughing.

Cut to a scene of the gang entering a purple club called the Cherry Pit. They stand in the doorway.

"All right, this place isn't bad." Frank said.

"Oh yeah. Good music, real sports on the tube." Zeke said.

I've never seen so many chicks in one place. Hey, hey. Check out those two hotties. They're so lonely, they're practicing kissing each other. Quagmire said snickering at two chicks making out.

Cleveland: I don't think they're practicing.

"Oh." The gang said All in Disappointed.

"Oh!" The gang said Happier.

"Ah!" The gang said Uh, in delighted?

"Oh." The gang said as the Realization setting in.

All turn to leave, except Quagmire. He walks over to the two hotties mentioned earlier. And he bobs his head a bit.

"So, you ladies ever been penetrated?" Quagmire said as He gets forcefully thrown out of the club. Ow.

Go to a scene of Frank, Menma, Rage, Negi, Zeke, John, Tyler, Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire standing in front of a fence, King of the Hill style.

"Yup." Frank said.

"Yup." Rage said.

"Yup. "Negi said.

"Yup." Zeke said.

"Yup." John said.

"Yup." Tyler said.

"Yup." Quagmire said.

"Yup." Peter said.

"Yup." Joe said.

"Mmm-hmm." Cleveland and Menma said in union.

Across the street a large red double-decker bus stops in front of the Clam's Head Pub. A lot of people get out and walk into the pub.

"Hope the loo is working." A British Woman said as she enter the pub.

"Ah, this sucks. Nice choice for a hangout Frank, Peter. There's not even anywhere to sit down!" Quagmire said in a sarcastic voice.

"Is that some kinda crack?" Joe shouted.

"What do you mean crack, are you saying I got a fat ass?" Frank shouted at Joe.

"Fellas, fellas, what's become of us?" Cleveland said.

"We never squabbled before we lost the Clam." Menma said.

"Yeah, you're right! It's those lousy fog breathers!" Rage said.

Peter: Damn British! First they took our bar, now they're taking our friendship! What's next, apple pie, fast cars, and action films?

 **Cutaway**

A black screen pops up with the words "Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone In" and the scene shifts to a beautiful pond with the words "I Remember Cecil" written in cursive. It then shows Sylvester and Arnold in a boat on the lake. Stallone is trailing his hand in the water.

"It was a glorious summer in Oxford when I met Freddy Cavendish, a most remarkable young man, whose friendship would change my life forever" Schwarzenegger narrates.

"You are the anchor that gives my spirit license to soar" Stallone comments as he leans back in the boat.

 **Cutaway** **Ends**

Cut back to the guys

"Our forefathers wouldn't have taken it on the chin like this." Zeke said.

"You're damn right. I say we fight the British and drive them back to whatever country they came from!" Peter said.

All begin cheering and raising their beers in the air and whatnot.

"We gonna get 'em." Cleveland and Menma said in union.

Cut back to the Griffin house. Stewie and Frank Jr on the floor and Brian is reading a book. Lois comes over.

"Frank Jr, Stewie, look. It's an invitation to little Eliza's birthday party!" Lois said

"You mean that horrid girl who talks like a scullery maid?" Frank Jr said in shocked.

"I didn't realize she'd been born. I assumed she'd simply congealed in a gutter somewhere." Stewie said.

Lois chuckles.

"Ooh, I'm gonna R.S.V.P. right now!" Lois said as she walks off.

"Oh, splendid. An entire afternoon of her "ers," and "ars," and "'alf a pound of ha'penny rice." God, why can't the English teach their children how to speak?" Stewie said as he complains about Eliza speech patterns.

"Why don't you teach her? Unless you don't think you're up to it." Brian said as he looks up from reading.

"Teach her hmm?" Frank Jr said as he thought on Brian's idea

"Oh, yes, this is the part where I'm supposed to say, "Oh, I am so up to it"." Stewie said mockingly as he Begins laughing, then abruptly stops and points accusingly at Brian.

"Well, okay then! We accept your challenge! At the celebration of her birthday, we shall pass that guttersnipe off as a lady! What are the stakes of this wager?" Frank Jr said.

"Why don't you two shut up for about a week and Frank Jr has too write a not funny comic book?" Brian said

"Very well. And if I win?" Stewie asked.

"Well, I-I wasn't betting. Why don't you two just shut up for about a week? Brian said as he Gets up from chair and Walks off until he was kick in the nuts by Frank Jr.

"Well, then you can have booze for a month then." Frank Jr said as he walks away, mumbling about Brian to shut the hell about he and Stewie shutting up.

"You're on!" Stewie said as he ran after Frank Jr.

The next scene shows Frank, Menma, Rage, Negi, Zeke, John, Tyler, Peter, Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire dressed in colonial clothing. They enter the doorway of the Clam's Head Pub. Quagmire is holding a flag, Menma and Cleveland is drumming, and Frank and Peter is playing the fife.

"Minutemen, present arms!" Peter said as They each hold up a beer.

"Load weapons!" Frank said as They all begin shaking their beers and chanting.

"Boom-shaka-laka-laka! Boom-shaka-laka-laka! Boom-shaka-laka-laka!" the gang All shouted.

"Fire!" Zeke said as they open their beers and let it splash all over the English customers.

"Oh, I say! Throw the blackguards out!" Various British said.

"Gentlemen, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave!" Nigel said

"Don't tread on me!" Cleveland said.

"Yeah, back off! We kicked your ass in World War II, and we can do it again!" Peter said

"Very well, then. If you refuse to go peaceably, I'm afraid we'll have to use our superior linguistic skills to convince you to leave." Nigel said.

"Oh, yeah?" John said.

"Just try it!" Tyler said.

"Bye, now." The gang All said

"Thanks." Cleveland said

"Sorry to bother you." Joe said

"I never saw it that way before." Quagmire said.

"Wait, how the hell did they do that?" Frank asked in shocked.

"They must have use their superior linguistic skills to convince us to leave." Negi responded.

Well, we're not gonna let this stop us. I've never been defeated, except once. Peter said

 **Cutaway**

We see Peter in the world of Tron as he drives a vehicle around. He races towards another racer as they turn at the same direction and same time.

"Eric?" Peter asked.

"Peter!" Eric smiled.

"Oh, my God, I haven't seen you since high school. God! What are you doing these days?" Peter wondered.

"I'm the red guy" Eric answered.

"Oh my God" Peter commented.

"What are you doing?" Eric asked.

"I'm the green guy" Peter answered.

"No kidding?" Eric thought.

"Yeah" Peter said.

"Hey, is that Stacy Beecham?" Eric pointed.

"Where?" Peter asked as Eric cuts off Peter's light cycle.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Cut to Quahog Harbor as Mysterious instrumental music is playing. As we see the gang arrive at harbor to see a sentry on guard.

"Now, don't worry. These guys are trained to stay perfectly still." Frank said as

"Check it out. Hey, Margaret Thatcher...what the hell? I thought you English guys never moved." Peter asked as he try to prove a point until the sentry kick him.

"No. That's just our women." Sentry said as everyone both laughing until his hat fell into the ocean.

"Bloody hell! My lunch was in that hat! Egg and chips with jam booties!" Sentry said as he jump in to grab his food in his hat.

We join are heroes as Peter and his friends storm a British ship, throwing out its beer like the Boston Tea Party.

"Welcome to the Quahog Beer Party!" Joe said as everyone is throwing out the beer.

"I do feel a little guilty about polluting'." Cleveland said as he feels guilty about throwing out beer.

"I felt guilty once, but she woke up halfway through." Quagmire said as he made this conversation bit sexually

"Pops, what are you doing?" Frank asked as he see peter drinking the beer.

"Hey, it may taste like a warm cup of tobacco chewers' spit but it's still beer, damn it." Peter said as he drinking his ass off.

"Good point. Bottoms up!" Quagmire said as he and the gang took barrels of beer and drank the beer.

"Take that, you lousy Brits!" Frank shouted as he and the gang throw the empty barrels.

At the Mallque/Griffin house, Frank and Peter retuned to house still a bit drunk after

"Peter, Frank, we waited up all night. Where were you two?" Lois asked the duo.

"Where were we? Where was you?" Peter said as he is trying to calm himself as he and Frank are trying to get sober.

"Out drinking. But I was back by 2:00." Lois said.

"Oh, no!" Brian said the news what shocked him.

"Our top story, The Clam's Head Pub has burned to the ground. Our own Tricia Takanawa is on the scene." Tom Tucker said as we tune in to Tricia Takanawa for the report.

"Is Quahog in the grip of a serial arsonist? Police say no, but our producer says yes. Here's an artist's depiction of what the arsonist might look like." As it shows a sketch of a giant, fire-breathing insect. "Anyone with information about this suspect should contact Quahog police immediately. One thing is certain-the pain here is palpable. For many, this charred portrait of Elizabeth II gives poignant new meaning to the phrase, "Hey, check out that flaming queen." Tricia Takanawa said as we tune back to Tom Tucker.

"In a late-breaking development, the police have a new suspect. We now go live to Hispanic reporter, Maria G-G, Geemen…" Tom Tucker said Stuttering Maria last name.

"Jimenez." Diane Simmons said as she corrected tom tucker

"I know what it is." Tom Tucker said as we turn to Maria Jimenez with a couple of cops trying to enter a familiar house.

"Well, Tom, at this moment we're approaching the suspect's house." Maria Jimenez:

"Ah, this is better than Cops. You know there's a fat drunk guy in there." Peter said as Frank, Lois, John and Tyler realize that the cops are at their house.

"Hold it!" Cop 1 shouted as Frank, John and Tyler raised Their hands.

"Freeze!" Cop 2 shouted as Frank freeze and peter still acts like an idiot.

"There he is." Peter said as he watches what was happening in the house on tv.

Cop 2: Hands up, Griffin! You're coming with us.

Peter: Hang on, hang on, I want to see what they do with this jackass.

"Hands up!" Cop 2 shouted at peter but he still watching tv.

"what the hell guys what did you tow do?" John and Tyler shouted in panic as the camera zooms in to them.

"Oh, my God! Peter, you didn't!" Lois said as the camera zoom towards her.

"Hey, fatty's wife is a babe!" Peter said as he looks at Lois's beauty on the tv.

"That's it!" Cop 2 said as he and his partner jump on peter to arrest him.

"Well, Tom, it appears the real arsonist is in custody thanks to an anonymous tip to the authorities." Maria Jimenez said as they arrest Frank and Peter and we cut scene to a Giant bug from the sketch of a giant, fire-breathing insect.

"Good. Good." Giant Bug said as he rubs his hands in a menacing tone.

The fat guy's struggling. Hit him, you stupid pigs, hit him! Use the billy... Peter said until as he was hit by that said billy.

Solemn instrumental music paly while cut scene to quahog city hall to begin at Peter, Frank and the gang trial.

"This Quahog Minutemen flag was found at the wreckage of the Clam's Head. You are clearly guilty of arson, so you are free to go... straight to jail! Now you got burned! No bail!" Judge said as he punks them with the jail sentence.

"Frank, Dad, please tell me you two didn't do this." Meg sad in panic tone.

"Lois, I didn't do it! You know you can trust me, right? Come on, let's sit down and talk about this." Frank said as he offered a seat to Lois and Meg.

"I want to believe you two, but..." Lois said as she and Meg began to sit down until Peter pulls the chairs away in laughter.

"Gotcha! But seriously, you can trust me." Peter said as the cops pull him and Frank away.

"Oh, Lois, I'm so sorry this terrible tragedy has befallen you." Nigel said as he apologies to Lois for the events that just happened.

"Thank you, Nigel. You're very kind." Lois said as Nigel ogles Lois's fine body.

"Can I touch your bum once?" Nigel said something inappropriate.

"What?" Lois, Frank Jr, Meg, Persephone, John and Tyler said in confusion.

"Now I expect to see you at Eliza's birthday, and I won't take no for an answer unless the question is, "Do you not like me?" Get it? Double negative, you know? Very good. Yes." Nigel said as he walks away while Frank Jr, Meg, Persephone, John and Tyler look at him very suspicious.

Meanwhile at quahog prison with sinister instrumental music playing, the inmates are harassing the gang.

"Hey, check out the new meat!" Inmate 1 said to Frank as he pass by his cell.

"Fuck!" Frank said as he move away.

"I like the fat one. More cushion for the pushin'." Inmate 2 said as he is going to destroy Peter ass when they get on the yard or the shower.

"Thank you!" Peter said as Frank, Negi, zeke, Menma and Rage face palm their faces in disgust.

"You and me gonna have a good time together!" Inmate 3 said as Negi cries for what he done.

"Gosh, everybody's so nice here. I mean, they're gonna be disappointed when they find out I'm not gay, but wow!" Peter said as they reach their cell until zeke and Joe started to freaky out.

"Oh, my God. See that guy? That is the most vicious killer that dad ever put away. His name's Steve Bellows. He's so mean; he once shot a man for snoring." Zeke said as he describe the most dangerous person in the Swanson's enemy list.

"Where have I heard that before?" Quagmire asked about Steve's info.

"It's all in this simulated leather-bound edition of Time-Life's "Killers of Quahog." Joe said as he pull an edition of Time-Life with all the murders info.

"Wow. They're all here." Peter said as he opens the book.

"John the Biter." Frank said as he look at the page with the man in a straight jack and iron mask.

"The Berserk Hobo." Zeke said as he look on the page with a hobo and his crazy face.

"The Golden Autumn Day Strangler." Negi said as he look at the page with man hiding behind a tree ready to strangle a woman in autumn.

"Maybe Steve won't remember you." Cleveland said as Steve Bellows looks at the group, at joe to confirm that on four of the cops who put me away tattoo with three cross off while Joe is still there as he comes over to them.

As Ominous instrumental music is play.

"Well, well, Officer Swanson. You and your friends are dead! You're all dead!" Steve Bellows said as he walks away.

"Oh, good. He thinks we're zombies. He'll leave us alone." Peter said as he sights in relief that they are save while Frank face palm as he know they are going to die.

Meanwhile, Stewie and Frank Jr tries to teach Eliza Pinchley, Nigel's daughter, to overcome her "common" Cockney accent and speak "proper" English.

"No no no... If you ever going to be a lady, you must learn to speak like one, Now try it again. 'The life of a wife is ended by the knife.'" Stewie said as he is teach her how talk English.

"'The life of a wi-'" Eliza said as Stewie interrupted her.

"No no no no... Not 'Loyfe', 'Life', 'Life'!" Stewie said as he was correcting her.

"That's what I said, 'Life'." Eliza said as she said life in the correct word.

"He meant for you to say it in an upper class type of accent." Frank Jr said trying to help eliza.

"Now listen to me you tinnier piece of baggage." Stewie said something nasty.

"Carful there Stewie." Frank Jr said trying to calm him down.

"We got 5 days left so I will not lose my wager, now repeat after me. 'Hello mother, have you hidden my hatchet.'" Stewie said

"'ello mother, 'ave you 'idden my 'atchet.'" Eliza said in her tone.

"Oh god no..." Stewie said as hehits Eliza with his teddy bear until Frank Jr got the bear off Stewie hands.

"It's an 'H' sound you moron, 'H'! 'Ha' 'Ha' 'Ha' 'Ha'" Stewie said as he get on Eliza face.

"Ew, your breath smells like kitty litter!" Eliza said, as she is gross out of Stewie breath.

"I was curious!" Stewie shouted as he is trying to defend himself.

"That is so gross. I think I'm going to be sick..." Frank Jr said as he then vomits aiming away from the table.

"Now Eliza, try practicing your 'H' sounds through that Edwardian Voice recorder until you get the hang of it." Stewie said As Eliza practices her 'H' sounds in the recorder, Frank Jr began to ask something.

"Um, Stewie? If you are American, Why do you speak in a high-class Lancashire accent?" Frank Jr asked Stewie about his voice.

"Rex Harrison inspired my voice." Stewie said as he answered.

Meanwhile at the burned ruins of the drunken clam he wife of the gang began think what happened to their husbands.

"Our husbands couldn't have done this." Bonnie said.

"Yeah. Cleveland can't even light the damn hibachi on the Fourth of July!" Loretta said.

"Excuse me. Do you know where I can find Nigel Pinchley? I'm from Quahog Insurance, and I have a check for him." Insurance Agent asked the women about whereabouts of Nigel Pinchley.

"$5 million?" Meg asked.

"Yeah, lucky fella took out a huge policy the day before the fire." Insurance Agent answered her question.

"Doesn't that strike you as a little suspicious?" Lois said in suspicion.

"No, not really. In fact, it seems to happen all the time." Insurance Agent said as his pounder on what going on here. While John and Tyler plan something to find the real arson person.

Meanwhile at quahog prison with As Ominous instrumental music is play as the gang is freaky out as they were outside in the open.

"Oh, no! Here comes Steve!" Quagmire shouted as Steve bellows is coming towards them.

"I haven't forgot about you boys! Saturday night at midnight, you're dead! All of you are dead!" Steve Bellows said as he leave them all afraid.

"Midnight on Saturday? Thank God! We can still be in the talent show! From the top, boys. Five, six, seven, eight!" Frank said as the guys dress in bowler hats and have cigarettes as Jazz instrumental music and the guys do a Cabaret-style dance.

Meanwhile at the Mallque/Griffin house, Stewie has been stressed about his teaching on Eliza's pronunciations, he was resting his ice pack on this head.

"Uh... Once again, here's how it should sound. 'How do you do'. Now here's how you sound." Stewie said as he flips his toy that makes cow noises to show how Eliza compares' her cockney accent.

"You do realize that is very rude..." Frank Jr said to himself unimpressed.

"How do you do." Eliza said it in proper English; it gave Stewie and Frank Jr interest.

"What did you say?" Stewie said in shocked as to what is happened.

"I said, 'How do you do'." Eliza said as Stewie and Frank Jr stared at each other for a few seconds and then back to Eliza.

"Now try the other phrases we've practice." Stewie said.

'The life of a wife is ended by the knife'. Eliza said them again.

"I think she's got it, I think she's got it!" Stewie said to Frank as they cheer. 

Eliza Singing

 _The life of a wife is ended by the knife._

Stewie

By George I think she's got it! By George I think she's got it! Now tell me, what ends her wretched life?

Eliza Singing

 _The knife. The knife_

Stewie

 _And where's that bloody knife?_

Eliza Singing

 _In the wife, in the wife_

Eliza and Stewie Singing

 _The life of a wife is ended by the knife, The life of a wife is ended by the knife_

Stewie

 _Now for another, (Singing) Hello there mother.  
_  
Eliza Singing

 _Have you hidden my hatchet. (Spoken) How do you do, would one of you like a flower?_

Stewie

 _Now once again, what ends her wretched life?  
_  
Eliza Singing

 _The knife. The knife  
_  
Stewie

 _And where's that bloody knife?  
_  
Eliza Singing

 _In the wife, in the wife_

Eliza and Stewie Singing

 _The life of a wife is ended by the knife, the life of a wife is ended by the knife_

Stewie said "Bravo, Eliza!"

Eliza and Stewie both Singing

 _The life of the wife is ended by the knife?_

At the Pinchley household, everyone on Eliza guest list was arriving.

"Hello. So nice to see you." Nigel said to the guest.

"There he is. All right, we need to search the house for evidence. But one of us is gonna have to distract Nigel." John said as he explain his plan to the women. As they finish the plan they look at the woman who is really the one who can seduce Nigel, Lois Griffin.

"Oh, no, no, no, I couldn't. Well, what about Loretta? Nigel looks like he's down with the swirl." Lois said as she is trying to make an excuse.

Nigel: Oh, there you are, Lois. Shall I give you the grand tour and show you my private quarters?

"- I'd love to." Lois said as they enter Nigel Private quarters.

"I must say, you look absolutely...[Muttering] Oh, don't be shy, my lambie-lamb. This is my study where I... study things that arouse my interest." Nigel said as he getting goosies all over himself.

"Good, Tyler and the girls are in place." John said Thinking in his mind as he look around the room and found where is everyone, Bonnie in the curtains, Loretta behind the couch and Tyler behind the desk.

"Oh, Nigel, since Peter's been gone, I've been searching for someone new. You know, someone with a sense of danger and adventure." Lois said aloud to call everyone who is in the room to get ready.

"I once played a game of cricket without shin guards." Nigel said.

"Oh, I love a reckless man!" Lois said in a seducing tone.

"One time, I went up to this bloke's flat, rang the bell, and ran like Sebastian Coe!" Nigel said.

"More! Tell me more!" Lois said as she is egging him on.

"I burned down my pub for the insurance money and framed your husband!" Nigel said his confession.

"I knew it! And what's more, I have witnesses! Tyler! Bonnie! Loretta?" John said jump behind Nigel as he was in his shadow all the time as he revel his witnesses, Tyler in the desk was a dummy of him, bonnie in the curtains was a world globe and Loretta behind the couch was a celebrity.

"Demond Wilson from Sanford and Son? What are you doing here?" Lois asked him.

"I know. I'm surprised I'm alive, too." Demond Wilson said.

"Sorry, love. Better luck next time." Nigel said as he thinks he won until Tyler and the Insurance Agent reveal themselves from the closet.

"Mr. Pinchley, I heard everything!" Insurance Agent said.

"What you've done is a textbook example of insurance "fraud"!" Tyler said as he read the word fraud to make sure he got it right.

"Oh, bloody hell!" Nigel said as he was busted for his crime of burned down his pub for the insurance policy he recently took out, which equaled out to $5,000,000.

"Tyler, where were you and what the devil were you two doing in the closet anyway? John asked Tyler as to where he was?

"We came with Demond." Tyler and the Insurance Agent said in a Jamaican accent.

Meanwhile at Eliza Party

"Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Eliza Pinchley." Butler said as he announced his mistess.

"Psst! You-Dogbert! Down here! Get a front-row seat for this one." Stewie said as Brain and Frank Jr cam toward the stairs to see Eliza coming down the stairs.

As Sweet instrumental music palying, everyone looking at aww at Eliza and Stewie was smile for his victory.

"How kind of you all to come." Eliza said in eloquently voice.

"Magnificent! I say, old sport, why don't you pull your face from your own loins and bury it into some humble pie?" Stewie said as he has won the bet until she wets herself in front of everybody.

"Oh, bloody 'ell! I've gone and wet meself!" Eliza said as she just talk back into her original tone.

"Whoops-a-daisy! It's getting harder and harder to win bets Stuart, old boy!" Frank Jr said, as he is now dress as a British explorer with a monocle on his right eye.

"Don't give me that smug look! Fine! Well, you have extra-sensitive hearing. Hear this." Stewie said something Inaudible.

"Oh, dreadful. I'm must be telling on your mother, Stuart, old boy. Hmm. Regrettably.  
Frank Jr said muttering and humming away

"No! I said "vacuum"!" Stewie shouted at Frank Jr not tell on him.

At quahog prison, Peter and the gang's used a jail parody of a scene in the 1994 film The Shawshank Redemption. Peter's method of carving an escape tunnel through the cell wall, as it mirrors the protagonist's escape in that film.

"Hurry, Pops! My power aren't working and Steve's gonna be here in five minutes!" Frank said as Peter was digging with a spoon until it broke.

"Aw, crap! We're dead!" Peter said as he look at the broken spoon.

"I guess this is the end, boys." Quagmire said.

"Looks like our next stop is a corner booth in a bar in Heaven!" Joe said as they gang just accepted death until its revel that their wife just save them.

"Frank, Nigel confessed! You're free!" Meg said as she and the girls just save their husbands.

"You hear that, guys? We're free!" Frank said as everyone was Cheering.

"All right! Yeah! Freedom!" The Gang said thankfully, as they were rescued moments before Bellows arrives to kill them. They all leave as Steve Bellows upon entering the empty jail cell.

"Get ready to die! Oh. Huh. Wonder what this feels like. Steve Bellows said as he stabs himself in the arm with a knife out of curiosity.

"Oww, that hurts! My God, is that what I've been doing to people? I belong here." Steve Bellows said as to Finding out that it hurts to be stabbed; he decides that he deserves to be in prison.

As upbeat instrumental music was playing, After Pinchley's arrest for fraud, Horace buys the bar back and returns it to the old Clam. The Crowd cheering for their Drunken clam return.

"Ah, Horace, I never thought I'd see you and the Clam again." Peter said as he welcomes Horace back to the clam.

"Ah, Florida stunk. An alligator mounted me when I wasn't looking and laid eggs in my lower intestine. But you're all thirsty. I'll bore you another time." Horace said as he gets back to work.

As Frank G Mallque, Meg Griffin, Persephone Griffin, John, Tyler, Menma Uzumaki, Negi Springfield, Cleveland brown, Loretta Brown, Peter Griffin, Lois Griffin, Zeke maverick, Joe Swanson, Bonnie Swanson and Glen Quagmire are sitting at a table in their regular clothing. There is music playing.

"Here you go, boys." Horace said as he pass them their beers.

"Thanks, Horace. Here's to our wives. They may not be as hot as the women you see on TV, or as entertaining...but, um... They'd goanna go places." Frank said as he Jabs his finger onto the table as they all sip their beer.

"I guess that lousy Nigel learned his lesson, Huh guys!" Tyler asked everyone.

"Whatever he gets is too good for him." John said as he sips his root beer.

As we zoom toward England as Thunder crashing, Nigel is put to death by hanging at the gallows for insurance fraud in his native Britain.

" _Dear Stewie, I want you to know I blame my father's death and my incarceration in this hell hole entirely on your awful mother. If it takes the rest of my life, I shall see that she suffers a slow and painful death. Eliza._

 _P.S_

 _Is Frank Jr seeing anyone because I think he is smashing._

 _XOXOXO"_ Eliza said in an eloquently voice as she was sent to live in an orphanage. Blaming Lois for her ordeal, she writes a letter to Stewie saying (to Stewie's great amusement) that she will make it her life's effort to make sure that his mother suffers a vengeful and horrible death.

"Excellent. Here, have a look." Stewie said while Laughing as he pass the letter to his friend Giant Bug

"Good, good." Giant Bug said as John and Tyler came as they look at the bug and asked, "do we know you from somewhere?"

"No!" Giant Bug said as he hides by reading the new paper.

Now we turn toward the Insurance Agent outside watch them as he opens his phone telling his informer, "it's done, and they don't expect a thing!"

"Good, now begin with the plan on training the boy without letting them know about us because of the supremacy phoenix is on the loose!" the Voice said.

"Understood supreme leader, TEAM OMNI FUSION HEART RULERS!" the Insurance Agent shouted.

"TEAM OMNI FUSION HEART RULERS!" said the voice at his hidden base which was on venus as he look at video of John and Tyler in Stories from other Family Guy fanfics, including "Meg's Boyfriend/Family", "The Spellbook" and "Family Guy: OC Universe"

As we zoom toward the Insurance Agent change into a hooded figure as he teleported away.

Closing theme music

 **Chapter ends.**

 **Okay and THAT IS IT for this chapter! Well...I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thank for pen123 and** **Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas, thanks for reading ^_^**


	5. Chapter 33: And the Wiener is

**Chapter 33:** **And the Wiener is**

 **Opening Credits**

 _It seems today that all ya see_

 _Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

 _But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

 _On which we used to rely_

 _Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

 _Lucky there's a man who_

 _Positively can do_

 _All the things that make us_

 _Laugh n' Cry_

 _He's_

 _a_

 _Fam_

 _-ily_

 _Guy!_

 **End**

We join everyone at the quahog lake in wintertime ice-skating while Frank Jr, John, Tyler, Brain and Stewie making snowballs for their snowball fight.

"Look, Persephone, Meg, I'm that pretty dark-haired figure skater with the horse teeth, the one who got what she had coming." Lois said as she did a figure eight on the ice.

"Nice figure eight, Mom." Meg and Persephone said as they leave the figure eight alone until quagmire skates two ice nipples into the figure eight and turning it into giant ice boobs.

"Ha! All right!" Quagmire said at to his work.

Now we join the Swanson family on top of a hill ready to sliding down with Joe as the sled.

"OK, Bonnie. One, two, three, push!" Joe said as he, Zeke and Kevin were push down the hill by bonnie.

"Oh! Ah! Whoa!" Joe said until he lost control as Zeke and Kevin jump off.

"My God! I can walk! It's a mira...!" Joe said as he recover from crashing down the hill. Suddenly He regained movement of his legs for a brief time.

"Sorry, Dad." Zeke said as he accidentally ran into him, re-paralyzing him.

"Just get the chair." Joe said as he gave up until he realize he can still has the ability to walk, so he just fake for now.

We join Frank Jr and his gang having their snowball fight, we see Brian threw a snowball at Stewie right on his buttocks.

"Good shot. Made my brown eye blue with that one." Stewie said as referencing the Crystal Gayle song "Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue" and the oft slang reference to the anus as a "brown eye" and flesh turning blue in the cold.

"Yeah. Next one's coming for your head!" brain said as he and his team prepares the snowball for an assult as they chase stewie.

"Oh, no! No, help! Oh, help!" Stewie said as he runs from John, Tyler and Brain behind a tree leading them to a trap.

"What the hell?" John said as he saw stewie is armed with some sort of cannon.

"Now is the winter of your discontent!" Stewie said as he then attacks John, Tyler and Brian with a snowball cannon, exclaiming, "Now is the winter of your discontent," paraphrasing a line from Richard III by William Shakespeare.

After a few seconds of waiting a black hair boy hop over and sat on the counter. The rest of the team smile. Frank Jr was here and survive the attack.

"Did ya miss me?" Frank Jr ask.

Stewie stood in shock to see Frank Jr as he see Frank Jr pick up a nearby drink and drink it. Stewie watch as the drink pour out of small hole on Frank Jr, which weird all of them out.

Frank Jr saw what happen and said, "I guess not!"

He jump down and watch as stewie ready his snowball cannon again. Frank Jr just look at them with a look showing he was not joking around anymore.

"Now you just got to ask yourselves one question, 'Do I feel lucky'?" he said before rising his own snowball cannon with 12 more, "Do ya, punks?"

Stewie lower his snowball cannon and ran. Frank Jr flap all her snowball cannon and snowball cannon drop out and floated to the ground. Frank Jr laugh and swings his snowball cannon before closing them going back down to his pockets.

"You wanna race? On your mark, get set, go!" Peter is sure that his son Chris will never beat him at anything, as they have a skating race.

"First to where that Pakistani girl fell through the ice after coming to the States for her severely burned face she got when the man she refused to marry dumped sulphuric acid on her, wins. I win!" peter said as he beat Chris at ice-skating.

"Yes! Yes! In your face! In your face!" as peter rubs it in Chris face.

"In my face! In my face!" Chris said as he cheers on his father's victory until a hand come out of the ice and it grabs peter.

"Ahh! No! Acid girl! It's acid girl! Ahh!' Peter said as he trying to get free from the hand by stomping on it.

Meanwhile at James Woods high school, Meg and Persephone are trying out for the cheerleading squad.

"James Woods High! Whoo!" said the cheerleaders as they practice their rotini.

"Hey, guys." Persephone said as she and Meg went to apply for the team.

"What do you want?' Connie asked to why the griffin twin are here.

"Me and Meg are trying out for cheerleading." Persephone said.

"Peter Rabbit would be wise to stay out of Mr. McGregor's garden. Why don't you try the flag girl's squad?" Connie said as she point at the flag girl's squad as it show girls has braces, one with a wooden leg, one with a big butt, one with a mustache and the last was normal so the twin asked her.

"Are you trying out for flag girl?" Meg asked her.

The girl answer but she garbled her tongue as it revel that her tongue is long.

At the drunken clam, Peter beats Andy at darts Cleveland is seen holding a mug of beer

"Yes! I win again, Andy." Peter said to Andy at his winning streak.

"One more before the missus notices I'm not on the couch." Andy said asking for one more game.

"Too late!" Andy's wife said as she enters the bar, Cleveland has a glass of milk. They get into a long argument.

"Hey, careful, Quagmire." Peter said as he warns Quagmire about the beat up cloud.

"Don't get too close to that thing." Frank said to Quagmire, as he accidentally gets involved.

"Did I just get laid?" Quagmire asked as he clean himself out think that Andy wife must of pleasure him while beating up Andy.

"Nice game, Peter." Joe said to peter as everyone is at the counter of the bar.

"I'm on a roll. I whipped Chris on the ice today." Peter brag to his friend and their adopted older sons about beat Chris in everything

"Enjoy it while it lasts." Cleveland said to peter that it's not going to last.

"It's only a matter of time before he beats you." Menma said to peter saying that Chris is going to beat him at something eventually.

"What? I'm better than him at everything: Sports, video games, even magic tricks." Peter said as he flashback on the magic tricks.

 **Cutaway**

Peter, Chris, and Lois are sitting on the couch.

"(Laughs) got your nose!" Chris joked as he pretended to take Peter's nose.

"Oh, yeah? Well, I got your face" Peter retaliated as he actually peeled off Chris's face. Chris screams and runs around.

"Calm down, Chris. It's only a trick" Lois said as she sips a cup of tea.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"Face it, sooner or later you'll have to pass the torch." Zeke said as he sips his beer.

"I remember the first time Kevin beat me. I was so proud, I gave him a little congratulatory punch in the arm. Then another. Then everything got hazy. Kevin went to live with a foster family for a while..." Joe said as he feel he just made this conversation got awkward.

"It's inevitable. Don't feel bad." Zeke said

"I think I know why your son beat you. Apparently, you're a 12-year-old prepubescent girl. Which is good, cos I finally have someone to give this training bra too. Here, Josephina. Does it feel good on your new budding bosoms? It sure does..." peter said as he put one of Meg's training bra on Joe making fun of him.

"Get the hell off me!" Joe shout trying to get the bra off.

Meanwhile at the Mallque/Griffin house, on TV we see Rudolph the red nose reindeer in an oncologist's office.

"Rudolph, we figured out what makes your nose red." The doctor said.

"Is it pixie dust or leprechaun tails?" Rudolph asked.

"No, it's a tumor." The doctor answer him by give him the bad news about that his famous glowing nose is caused by a malignant, inoperable brain tumor.

"You mean like a magical Christmas tumor?" Rudolph asked trying to make the news good.

"No, a malignant tumour, the base of which is lodged deep within your brain." The doctor trying to calm him down.

"Oh. Like a happy special..." Rudolph asked trying to make the news good again.

"You're going to die." The doctor shut him up by giving him the business as Lois turns off the TV. Then Meg and Persephone enter the dine room with good news.

"Hey, everybody, guess what we are now." Persephone asked the family a question.

"The end results of a drunken backseat grope fest and a broken prophylactic?" Stewie said as he insulted them until Frank Jr and John slap him off his high seat.

"We're on the flag girl squad!" Meg said as she and Persephone feel proud of themselves.

"Oh, honey, congratulations." Lois congratulates her twin daughters by hugging them.

"Way to go Persephone." John said as he handshakes her.

"Hey, Chris, Tyler. I bet you two can't do this." Peter said as he sticks a spoon on his nose.

"I bet we can!" Chris said as he and Tyler stick their spoons on their noses

"We perform at all the football games. We're practically cheerleaders!" Persephone said with much cheer.

"That's wonderful. Isn't that wonderful, guys?" Lois said as she trying to get everyone to cheer for them.

"Way to go, Mom and Aunt Persephone." Frank Jr said quickly as he looks at Peter's competition with Chris and Tyler. As peter has a tea cup with a plate on his head, a spoon lodged in his left ear and a fork lodged on his right ear. The boy has all of that vice versa.

"Chris and Tyler, I'll see your forks and raise you a gravy ladle." Peter said as he puts a grave ladle to hang on his lodged spoon on his left ear.

"You're on!" Chris and Tyler said as they put mash potatoes on their tea cups with plates on their heads.

"So, you're a flag girl. That's great, Meg." Brian said as he cuts his stake.

"Yes, yes. Now you can be somewhere else when the boys don't call." Stewie as he and Brian snicker until John body slams them with Frank Jr doing "you can't see me" body slam.

"All right. Salt shaker up the nose." Peter said as he put a salt shaker up his nose

"We got pepper." Tyler said as he and Chris put the pepper up their nose un til they sneeze.

"Ha-ha! Yes! I win!" Peter said as he cheers at his victory over Chris and Tyler.

"That was fun, Dad!" Tyler said as he had fun with this contest.

"I'm the man! Yeah! Ahh!" Peter said as he brags over his victory until he trips with all the stuff that were on his head and face.

"Grandma Lois, go get the medical dictionary and look up "fork" and "lung. " Frank Jr said to her grandma as he sees Peter on the floor, hurt with fork lodge right in his right lung.

"Why?" Lois asked her grandson.

"Time's a factor, Lois." Peter shouted as he has fainted.

Meanwhile at James wood regional High school at the school's lookers with Meg and Persephone dress in their flag girls uniform getting their stuff from their lockers with John and Tyler. Until Neil Goldman arrive with his av equipment.

"Say, Persephone, looking sharp. You want to go out after the game tonight?" Neil asking her again which annoyed both John and Persephone.

"Neil, She is a flag girl now." John explain to Neil that she is too good for him.

"I'm way too cool to be seen with you." Persephone said as she flips her hair.

"Really? Not even if I smoke this corncob pipe?" Neil said as he put a corncob pipe in his mouth as he pretends to smoke. While John and Tyler just rolls their eyes.

"Hey you guys." Meg said as she and Persephone walk towards the popular kids.

"Are we all ready to cheer at the game tonight?" Persephone asked Connie.

"We? Oh, you made flag girl, huh?" Connie said as the twins meant the game.

"Yeah. This morning my mom was, like, "Don't forget your lunch" Meg said.

"And I'm all "I'm a flag girl now, I won't forget my lunch" Persephone said.

"And she's all "Don't forget your halftime routine." Meg said.

"Moms!" Meg and Persephone said.

"Hey, maybe we could all, like, hang out after the game." Persephone

"Go, team!" Persephone said as she and Meg jump as they leave.

"Uncool people are like animals." Connie said, as she did not enjoy talking to them.

"You want to go feed the science club after school?" Connie's friend said.

Meanwhile at the James woods high school football game, The Mallque/Griffin family are waiting for Meg and Persephone flag girl routing.

"Look at me." Stewie said as he trying to get Frank Jr and Brain attention while pretending that he smoking.

"Look at me, I'm smoking. Dog, dog, look, look...Alcohol doesn't really make you warmer. It constricts the blood vessels..." Stewie said as he trying get Frank Jr and Brain attention while pretending that he smoking again until Brain get his booze from his jacket.

"Shut up." Frank Jr said as he slaps the booze bottle off, brain get piss off.

"Frank Jr just told me to shut up. I demand to know what you plan to do about this. Hey! Hey! The dog just told me..." Stewie said as he trying to tell Lois that Frank Jr just told him to shut up.

"Be quiet, Stewie." Lois said as she told her son to shut up as well.

"Freezing my nips off out here." Stewie said while pretending that he smoking

"Oh, look, there's Meg and Persephone." Lois said as John and Tyler look at Meg and Persephone come out to the field with the rest of the flag girl squad.

"Meg! Persephone! Meg! Persephone! Meg and Persephone!" Lois and John shouted at the wins to get their attention but they were ignore by the popular kids.

"Hi, there." the popular kids said to the twins.

"Here we go." Meg said to her squad as they did their routine while they the marching band plays "Electric avenue".

"Isn't she beautiful?" John said to Tyler about Persephone

"Yeah, but I think she's with that guy. They've held hands all night." Tyler said as he was talk about somebody else.

"I mean Meg." John said as he corrects Tyler about his crush.

"Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's hot." Tyler said as he eats a hot dog.

Meanwhile the popular kids are ready pelted the flag girl squad with rancid meat.

"Oh! This meat stinks something fierce!" the jock said as he fill the rancid meat on a catapult.

"This'll knock her down a couple notches." Connie female friend said as Meg and her squad were almost finished with Persephone doing the slips while catching Meg's flag. Until Meg and Persephone were pelted by rancid meat.

"Yea, Meg and Persephone! Oh, man, I love how these kids celebrate these days!" Peter said as he throws his hot dog at meg as it hits her.

Meanwhile at the YMCA Recreation center, we join Peter and Frank vs Chris and Tyler on a game of hops while Brain and Frank Jr were the referee.

"What do you got? What do you got? Huh? Huh? Come on." Peter said as he is egg Chris to lose the ball but Chris is not having that. As he bump peter and pass the ball to Tyler, then Tyler scores the point.

"Come on, ref. That's charging." Peter asked Brian and Frank Jr why are they not counting that charging from Chris and Tyler.

"Your feet were moving. No foul." Frank Jr said as the game continued.

"No foul?! Oh, that's a stupid call! And I know something about stupid calls." Peter said as we set up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

Lois reads a book as the phone rings.

"Hello?" she answered.

"I can't take out the garbage. I'm at the office and they're making me stay late" Peter said, off-screen.

"Peter, the caller ID says you're calling from the kitchen. In fact, I can see you" Lois sees Peter eating a piece of fried chicken as he hides.

"Can you see me now?" Peter asks.

"No" Lois answered.

"Then I'm in the office" Peter added.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"Score's tied, next basket wins." Frank said as he gives Chris the ball.

"You two might finally beat the old man." Brain said as he a comment to Chris and Tyler.

"Old man? I'm the white Larry Bird." Peter said as he and Frank continued the game of basketball

"What do you got? What do you got? Huh? Come on!" Frank said as he blocks Chris until Chris pass him to make the shot.

"Your mother and I are getting a divorce!" Peter shouted as he trying to off Chris and Tyler game.

"You are?" Chris said as he stops playing until Peter grabs the ball to make the shot as he wins the game.

"Yes! Yes! Oh, no, we worked it out." Peter cheered and told Chris that it was a lie; he and Lois are still together.

"Yes!" Frank said until John and Frank Jr jump peter for that lie and started beating him.

Now we join the guys going at the sauna for a good work out.

"Son, Tyler, you two played good, but this old man is still number one." Peter said as they enter the sauna.

"Yeah, I don't think I'll ever beat you." Chris said as he and the guys remove their towels

"Hey, Chris, what's with your leg?" Tyler asked as he look down at Chris's leg.

"Oh, my God! That's not your leg!" Frank Jr and Peter shout at the shock that they discovers Chris has an enormous penis, easily bigger than their own Suddenly they feel insecure.

Meanwhile at the Mallque/griffin House at night, Peter is having a hard time sleeping.

"Ah aww aww ah." Peter Groaning.

"What's wrong, honey?" Lois asked her husband what happing today.

"I'll tell you, I try to make love to you and you think about Chris." Peter said something gross trying to make an excuses.

"Is there something you need to tell me?" Lois asked again.

"Thanks to you, our son has a huge wang." Peter said the truth.

\- Thanks to me? Lois asked again

"He didn't get it from me." Peter said

"What are you talking about?" Lois asked again

"I'll show you, Frank Jr It time to show Lois the thing." Peter said as he and Frank Jr lead Lois to Chris room to show his special gift.

"All right, stand back, Grandma Lois." Frank Jr said as he opens the covers while Chris is sleep to see his wang.

"Oh, my. No wonder he's always slouching." Lois said as she thought why chris is like himself because of his wang.

"How did this happen? I'm supposed to be the man of the house. You must be ashamed of me." Peter said as he is becoming insecure with himself.

"Oh, Grandpa, Grandma Care about you as much about the size of your penis as you care about the size of her breasts." Frank Jr said trying to make his grandfather better.

"Oh, my God!" Peter shouted as he ran out of the room in shame.

Now we join the Family eating dinner as Persephone mellows at her food.

"You can't let those awful popular kids get to you, sis." Meg trying to cheer her twin up.

"They won't. I'm never going back to that school again." Persephone said as we switch over to Chris, Tyler, John, Frank, Frank Jr and Peter.

"Dad, John and Tyler, could you help me with my algebra?" Chris asked them

"You're a big man." Tyler said

"You figure it out." John said trying to make Chris penis small by not helping him.

"oh for fuck sake, just let it go already!" Frank said by shouting.

"I bet there's a part of you that wants to be friends with them." Lois trying to cheer Persephone up.

"Maybe." Persephone said

"So be nice to them."

"Win your enemies over with unflappable kindness." Meg trying to cheer her twin up.

"Chris, drink your milk. It'll make you big." Lois said trying to help Chris grow.

"No! No more milk for him. He's had enough. Give me that." Frank Jr said as he kick the crap out of John, Tyler and Peter and drank all the milk for himself.

"Megan, Persephone, you two must try the brisket. I'll serve it in the manner to which you're accustomed."

"Oh!" Both Meg and Persephone said as they were pelted by Stewie's Brisket.

"Come talk to me sometime, sweetheart. Me and my crew know what it takes to be cool." Stewie said.

 **Cutaway**

Stewie is wearing a tuxedo as he sits while smoking a cigarette. Stewie sings Elton John's "Rocket Man", imitating William Shatner's infamous performance of the song at a 1978 science fiction film awards ceremony

 **Stewie**

 _She packed my bags last night pre-flight_

 _Zero hour nine AM_

 _And I'm gonna be high as a kite by then_

As Tyler appears on Stewie right as he sing his part While he imitating William Shatner's infamous performance second part while being worried.

 **Tyler**

 _And I think it's gonna be a long long time_

 _'Till touch down brings me round again to find_

 _I'm not the man they think I am at home_

 _Oh no no no I'm a rocket man_

 _Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone_

As Frank Jr appears on Stewie Left as he sing his part While he imitating William Shatner's infamous performance third part while acting all loopy.

 **Frank Jr**

 _And I think it's gonna be a long long time_

 _'Till touch down brings me round again to find_

 _I'm not the man they think I am at home_

 _Oh no no no I'm a Rock-it man_

 _Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone_

 **Cutaway Ends**

"Oh, yeah. That's the good stuff." Frank Jr said as stewie looks at Frank Jr as he took his fantasy.

Meanwhile at James wood regional High school at the school's parking lot where all the popular kids park their cars and hang out.

"Hi, you guys.' Persephone said as she arrives at the schools parking lot with her sister Meg.

"God, it's her." Connie moun while hating on the griffin twins.

"Look, about the other night..." Connie trying to tell the twins the truth until the twin interrupted her.

"Oh, that was hilarious." Meg said.

"I just wish we'd known ahead of time. I would've brought potato salad!" Persephone said, as they were cool with it.

"You guys want tomorrow's biology test?" Persephone said as she revels answers for tomorrows biology test.

"Whoa! How'd you get that?" Connie friend asked the twin on to how they get these answers.

"My sister spent the night with Mr Burler." Persephone said.

 **Cutaway**

Meg tries to stay awake while holding on a wooden mallet and horn as her biology teacher is sleeping while holding on to a cross and wears a garlic necklace.

"Ah, the sun's up. I'm safe for another night. Thanks, Meg" Mr. Burler smiles as he wakes up.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"Wow thanks" Connie said thanking the twins.

"See ya." Persephone said as she and Meg leave them to go to class.

"That was kinda cool." Connie said.

"Yeah." Connie's Friend said.

"I'm bored."

"Wanna go push the janitor, knowing he can't legally push us back?" one of two jocks said.

"Sure!" Connie said.

"OK, cool. Let's go do it." All the popular kids said as they goes toward the school.

Meanwhile at the Shop 'N Shop, the Mallque/Griffin family are shopping for food.

"Hey, Dad, Guys. Look at these little bananas." Chris said as he make fun of tiny bananas

"Why, you smug little bastard!" Peter said as he gets piss off.

"Peter! Chris, these are plantains. And there's nothing wrong with them. In fact, a lot of women prefer them to normal-size bananas, because they're exotic and flavorful and very, very special."

"Sure, all the sorority girls are clamoring for the plantain section." Peter said a smacking remark.

"Stop with this!" Frank Jr said while doing the talking hand to Lois face.

Look, Peter, You are overreacting to this Chris stuff. I mean, mine goes inside me when I stand up. How do you think I feel? Brain said trying to cheer him up until he, John and Tyler leave with stewie and Frank Jr.

"Is Dad mad at me?" Chris asked his mom.

Oh, of course not, honey. Go pick out a box of cereal and meet me at the ten-inches-or-less line. Items!" Lois said to Chris as he leaves and told him to get a box of cereal.

Now we join Peter, John and Tyler walking around while peter and John show his fake bulged.

"Nice, huh? Huh? Yeah. You like this?" Peter said while trying to attract females with his fake budlged.

"Stop it, John, Pops. You are embarrassing the family. Look, I know you are both upset, but... Oh, my God. Where's Stewie and Frank Jr?" Frank asked as he was trying stop peter and John until he notice his son and younger brother are gone.

"They're around." John said as his and Peter bulgeds were moving with familiar voices.

"Let us out of this stink-filled corduroy dungeon!" Frank Jr and Stewie shouted from Peter and John's pants.

"John, Peter, that's sick!" Lois said while she and Frank were sick by this accuse.

"It's OK. They're outside the underwear." Peter said to reassure them.

Meanwhile at Jim's exotic cars, still both insecure, John and Peter tries buying a long, red car.

"Enjoy your new car, Mr Griffin." Jim said.

"Thanks, Jim." Peter said as he and John drive off while Loud rock music was playing in the background. They stop at a red light as they talk to person with a short car.

"When you pull that thing into your garage, does the garage say, "Is it in yet?" John said to the guy with the short car while peter was laughing at the joke as they drive away. As they drive the reach a tunnel that looks like a vajiena.

"Don't worry, baby. We'll be gentle." Peter said as he goes back in forth in the tunnel while everyone was think that this scene was impropriate until the car was caught in a collision and shortened to an extreme amount as a bus full of pretty models drive by and said model were laughing at them.

"Ow. My pride." John said.

Meanwhile at the Mallque/griffin House at the kitchen, as Lois was washing the dishes and the babies were pouting by Peter and John. Meg and Persephone walk in to tell their mother the news.

"Mom, you were right. We were nice to the cool kids and they didn't spit on us." Persephone said.

"Connie Demico even invited us to her sweet 16." Meg said, as she was excide for the party.

"Wonderful! What time do we nail those snot-nosed punks?!" Lois said with evil smile.

"Nail them? You told me to win them over with kindness." Meg said as she was surprised.

"Yes. Now that they think you're their friend, it's the perfect time to exact your revenge." Lois said as she was devises a plan for revenge for her baby girls.

"Revenge?" Persephone said while Frank Jr and Stewie were shocked by the event.

"I'm like one of those bald eagles you see on the Discovery Channel, Beautiful to look at, but mess with one of my chicks and I'll use my razor-sharp talons to rip your Fucking eyes out! Cookies are done. Who wants chocolate-chip?" Lois said as she doesn't want anyone messing with her kids or grandkids as she get her cookies out of the oven and offering any of the cookies to anyone in the room.

"We do!" Frank Jr said, as he and stewie want cookies.

"But keep talking. All this stuff about eye-gouging has gotten me all frisky." Stewie said as Meg turn around at the kids response.

"Really. Stewie has got about half a pack of Rolaids in his diaper." Frank Jr said as he eats his cookie.

Peter, John and tyler still insecure until they came across a sigh with hunter with a anked lady with a logo saying " A REAL MAN PACKS HEAT Join the NGA!" So they joins the National Gun Association.

"I'm glad you want to join the National Gun Association, Let me show you around, this is our shooting range." The NGA person said as he show a Cop shot his target, a blind man with his dog shooting an empty barn, A Stormtrooper is seen shooting at a target of Luke Skywalker and missing it several times, an a referee shout a target while starting a swing race.

As we join John, Tyler and Peter touring in the looker room.

"Here we have our locker room with full shower facilities." The NGA person said as he show them people taking a shower.

"Holy crap! They're all so... small!" Tyler said.

"You see, Peter, the way we look at it, a man's only as big as the gun he carries." The NGA person said.

"Sign me up, and get us the biggest freakin' gun you got! Peter said as he pull out his pants.

"Stewie, Frank Jr, you two can come out now." John said that they are being evicted out of peter's pants.

"Turn off the light. Frank Jr is reading me a ghost story." Stewie said as it show them reading a goosebumps book.

At the Griffin house, we join Peter, John and Tyler trying out their new guns.

"Pull!' they all shouted as Brian throws three dicks in the air as they shot on target.

"Oh, yeah. Who's the big man now, huh?" John said as he feels the gun as he thought on his past mistakes are gone.

"Madonna or Janet Jackson?" Brian asked the guys on which disk to throw.

"Which Janet?" Tyler asked.

"Velvet Rope." Brian said the name of the song of the disk.

"Yeah, that one. Pull!" Tyler said as Brian throws the disk in the air as they shot on target as lois comes in with groceries.

"John, Tyler and Peter, What the hell are you guys doing with that?" Lois said with a shocked.

"You want to touch it? Go on. Careful. We don't want it to get too excited and go off in your hand." Peter said as he offer his gun to Lois as a bribe. Then Frank came in equally piss off at these three idiot.

"This is pathetic. All because you three feel inadequate next to Chris." Frank said as he tells them the truth.

"Don't be stupid. we don't need to compete with chris or his freakishly large penis." John said as Chris over heard them and the truth about his dong.

"I'm a freak." Chris said as he feels sad about his problem.

"Don't despair. Let's hang a tire on the end of it and head on down to the ol' swimming hole." Stewie said something funny as Chris runs away back to the house.

Meanwhile in Meg and Frank's room, the twin were study until Lois came in with blueprints.

"Connie Demico's house is two stories. If we set up booby traps here, here..." Lois said as she explain her revenge plan to her little girls.

"Mom, how'd you get these blueprints?" Meg asked with a worried tone.

"Oh, your mother has her ways. She has her ways." Lois said as she flash back on her plan.

 **Cutaway**

Lois is at City Hall.

"Can I have those blueprints to D'Amico's house?" she asks.

"Sure, here you go" someone gives her the blueprints.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"Now I've put together a little flash bomb to create a diversion. I used to date the pyro guy from Whitesnake." Lois said as she explain how she got these flash bombs.

"What's Whitesnake?" Persephone asked.

"That's the music mommies and daddies listen to. Fire in the hole!" Lois said as she explain about her age music and activated the flash bomb as we move to the next scene. As we join them at a nice suburban house.

"John, Tyler, Peter, Some guys from the club are going hunting tomorrow." The NGA person said.

"Count me in." peter said as he plan to go hunting.

"Hunting? I thought you were gonna play hockey with Chris." Lois said.

"Bring him along." The NGA person said.

\- Oh, no. It's too dangerous.

\- Lois, Lois, The National Gun Association is all about safety, especially when it comes to kids. Take a look at our new video. The NGA person said as he put a video tape in as we see a The NGA film. With the title "Guns safety and you."

"Let's face it, your kids will get into your guns. That's a fact." The narrator said as we see a scene with a sleepy adult with gun in his pocket while his child sneak in and takes the gun and is about to shoot him in the dick.

"Gun accidents can be avoided by introducing your children to guns early." The narrator said as we see a scene with a boy on top of a cemented block wall and a puppet gun.

"Hi! I'm Petey the pistol. Say, do you ever get lonely?" Petey the pistol asked the boy.

"Yes." Said the dumb kid.

"Me, too. Hold me." Petey the pistol said as he asked the kid to hold him, which the dumb kid did.

"If you squeeze me, I make bad people go away." Petey the pistol said as the dumb kid was about to do it then we move to the next scene.

"But wait a minute. I thought guns were bad." Said a random adult with good question.

"False! Guns are good. In fact, did you know that Jesus and Moses used guns to conquer the Romans?" The narrator said as we see a scene Moses and Jesus used guns to team up and defeat the Romans.

"So remember: Guns don't kill people, dangerous minorities do." The narrator said as The NGA film ends with the lesson, "Guns don't kill people; dangerous minorities do." This is a parody of National Rifle Association's slogan "Guns don't kill people; people kill people."

"See, Lois? They're responsible." Tyler said as John starting to have flashback about w2k.

Now we join Frank, Frank Jr, John, Tyler, Peter and Chris While hunting for animals.

"Hey. Hey, check it out, Chris. I can write my name in the snow." Peter said as he used his gun to write his name in the snow.

"This is fun, Dad." Chris said.

"Son, son, I told you. Out here in the wilderness, call me Rooster Cogburn." Peter said.

"you know Rooster, I was starting to think you didn't like me anymore."

"Shh. Chris, look! Tracks. There must be a deer around here." Peter said as point out track of a deer.

"Those are snowmobile tracks, Mr. Griffin." John said.

"Shh! There he is." Peter said as he pointed out the deer in a snowmobile drinking coffee. As they about to sneak attack it Peter snap a weak branch and the deer grasp. Then the deer got on his snowmobile and ran away.

"ah, Such grace. That's the thing about hunting, you gotta be patient." Frank said as they hear Growler noise.

"What the hell was that?!" Peter asked as they turn around to see a bear.

"Ahhhh!" they all shouted as they were attacked by a bear.

Meanwhile at Connie's house at her sweety sixteen party, everyone was having a good time including Meg and Persephone. As Lois signals her twin's daughters to come at the front house window.

"Put this in the heating grate and set it off in five minutes." Lois said as she gives Persephone the flashbombs.

"I changed my mind. I won't do it. These people, they are my friends now." Persephone said as she is is reluctant to the plan.

"After they pelted you with meat." Lois said.

"Did you forget the neighbor kids chased you and sprinkled you with fixings?" Meg said as she change her mind as she join Lois's argument.

"Yes, I did!" Persephone said as she slam the window shut leaving Meg and her mother outside. Now we join Persephone at the living room of Connie house as she was about to start a game.

"OK. Now we are going to play Seven Minutes in Heaven, and it is my party, so I want Doug to go in the closet with... Persephone." Connie said as Doug grabs Persephone hand as she takes her in to the closet.

"Have fun." Connie said she closes the door as she and everyone in the party giggles. One of Connie friend sets up a camera.

"OK. Everyone get ready. Say hello to the lovers." Connie said as it reveals that Persephone and Doug weren't kiss. She is tricked into kissing a pig. They ran out of the part as everyone laughs at her and the pig.

"I don't know who should be more humiliated, Persephone or the pig." Connie's girlfriend said.

"She's such a dork." Connie's Jock friend said.

"I think I feel worse for the pig." Connie said.

As Persephone ran to the car with her twin drive as she cried in pain.

"Meg, you and mom were right! I should have just stuck to the plan!" Persephone

"Frank figured one of us might get soft on her, so he hired an old friend to scar them for life."

"Hey there, is this the D'Amico house?" a boy with red hair arrives at the door with lots of weapons.

"Yes?" Connie reply as she let the boy in the house. Then the boy whacking the cool kids with a sack of unopened soda cans while he smashing Connie's teeth on a step is a reference to American History X. while Quagmire arrived at the front door to see the whole mess.

"I like where this is going. Giggidy-giggidy-good-goody." Quagmire said, as he was Lois back plan.

Meanwhile at the Forrest, the Brown bear attacks Frank, Frank Jr, John, Tyler, Peter and Chris.

"Don't worry, Guys, I'll handle the bear. Say hello to Satan for me!" John said as he aim his gun to save his family. However, the bear swipes the gun off his hand as he begin to have a flash back of his whole life.

 **Flashback**

"It's a boy, Mr. and Mrs. Watts." The doctor said as they pass bald baby john to his mom and dad.

"I'm afraid His power has affected his social life, Mrs. Watts." The doctor said to John's mom as John is trying to control his powers.

"He's gonna have to repeat the twelve grade, Mr. and Mrs. Watts." The 12th grade teacher telling both John's mother and father.

"Looks like he'll have to repeat the college course, Mr. and Mrs. Watts." teacher telling both John's mother and father.

"The only way to suppress them is to wear this inhivetor." Mr. Watts talks to his son.

"Congratulations. You've passed the fourth grade, Mr. Griffin." Said Peter's fourth grade teach as he shakes hand with Peter Griffin.

"Great. I gotta leave though. I'm going hunting with my son." Peter said as he and john leave the school to go on the hunting trip.

 **Flashback**

"Dad, I know what to do! I saw it on Fox's When Bears Attack! Go away! Go on, get! Stay tuned for an all-new Ally McBeal!" Chris said as he drives the bear away

"Holy crap! Chris, that was amazing. I mean, I just froze up. However, you handled that bear like a real man. I'm proud of you, son." Peter said.

"You are? Because I heard what you said about my huge... you know Oh." Chris said as he told them that he know about his wang.

"Oh, you heard that, huh? Pops was just being stupid." Frank said.

"Take it from us, that thing you got there is a blessing. I mean every person you see with a big house or a fancy car or a shiny gold tooth is really just saying, "Don't look at my penis." However, you will never have to worry about that. Peter said as he, John and Tyler apologies to Chris.

"Thanks, Guys! You're the best." Chris said as he and the gang walk their way home in the snow.

"You know, Grandpa, I just realized something. Your name's Peter." Frank Jr said as he laughs at peter's name.

"You're right, it is." Peter said as he laughs as they walk away together, to go home.

"Peter." Frank and John laughs as he answer his phone.

"So you finished the job, thanks Hagoromo. I will see that you and your brothers get in to the show." Frank said, as he hangs up the phone to catch up with his family.

 **Chapter ends**

 **I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thank for pen123 and** **Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas. Also to Grand Tome Publishing, please help me with John and Tyler's origin and families.**


	6. FG:OC vs FG MC The Fateful Sengoku Movie

**Family Guy: OC Universe vs** **Family Guy Mallque Chronicles:**

 _ **The Fateful Sengoku Movie Battle**_

 _Family Guy MC: The Sengoku Battle Royal_

In another world there was a canyon where two small armies were facing each other and were carrying war flags. One side was carrying black flags with the red Iron maiden symbol and at the head was a girl with black hair and red streaks. She also had silver eyes and was carrying some a mechanical scythe.

On the other side, the men were carrying purple flags with the devil symbol. At the head of the group, was another girl with long black hair in a ponytail, and had cat ears for some reason. She was also carrying a sheathed katana.

"Bujin Iron Maiden!" The female lord called.

The men moved out of the way for Bujin hero Iron maiden who gave his special greeting.

"Let's get started." Bujin Iron maiden said as she got on his bike next to his lord.

"Impressive but it won't be enough. Bujin Captain Thunder!" The other warlord called and men cleared the way, making Bujin Captain Thunder visible. Bujin Captain Thunder flickered his hand before running up to and on Auto Vajin next to his Warlord.

"Get them!/Go forth!" The warlords commanded and soon their forces charged for each other with the Bujin Heroes at the head.

The Thunder army was firing explosives, taking out some of the Maiden army.

"Iron maiden, show no mercy!" The Iron maiden warlord called.

"Got it!" Bujin Iron maiden said before taking out one of his Rekka before stopping. It was red hot before Bujin Iron maiden launched fireballs directed at the Thunder army. Some of the maiden army were forced to take it before Bujin Captain Thunder jumped off of his bike, took out his phone and typed in a code before pressing Enter.

" **BATTLE MODE!"**

Auto Vajin transformed into its mech form before it started firing at the Iron maiden Army. Iron maiden took out some Disc Animals and activated them. They flew and started to distract Auto Vajin.

The sengoku era.

Generals from each of the provinces…

….would follow their bujin heroes as they sought the country!

The bujin heroes….

…would passionately fight with their generals to unite the country.

However, a lone bujin hero who would cause an uproar appeared.

Just who will obtain the country?!

On a nearby cliff, _**Darknarok**_ was watching the whole battle on his horse and was eyeing Bujin Iron maiden and Bujin Captain Thunder. Nearby _**Darknarok**_ looked at his and his nemesis counterpart bujin Shinobi aka Goruto Black/Frank G Mallque.

"So that's our counterpart." He noted. "Might as well leave things alone here. Two of me is just bad news." He said before leaving through a Gray Mirror.

 **(Play Just Live More by Gaim no Kaze)**

 **The scene is zipped open revealing Frank, Negi, Zeke, Aoi/Meg, and David back-to-back behind fence with locks attached. They were posing as the camera was focused on Frank.**

 **The plants of Neo Earth begin to diminish to reveal an object. That object was soon smashed by the Heroes' weapons and when they stopped it was revealed to be the title.**

 **[Got it, move…wow…]**

 **[Don't say no, just live more! Don't say no, just live more!] We see the four Heroes in a room of Samurai armors as they posed. Red Shinobi pointed his Keyblade while the reflection under him was Frank.**

 **[Survival, you gotta move. Gendai wa sanagara Sengoku.] Frank runs towards the screen but a fence with locks blocks him from doing so. He then sees himself with Master Omnitrix and tries to call out to him. He and the fence crumbles away as the other Frank walks away.**

 **[Dare ga kachi nukeru? Kagi was hirake rarete shimatta. (Don't say no, just live more!)] Team Shadow Baron starts dancing with David leading them. We then see Frank and David glare at each other; each one holding an Black Omnitrix. Frank had the red and yellow Omnitrix while David had the black and gray Omnitrix. In their reflection were Red Shinobi and Black Crow, who started to charge at each other. Meg, with a blue Omnitrix, looks at the battle while her reflection was replaced with Blue witch.**

 **[Doko ni aru? (Don't say no, just live more!)] In the reflection Frank and David have some kind of hand wrestle while someone picks up Dark Blue Omnitrix. That someone is revealed to be Negi and sees his brother in arms Zeke holding Crimson Omnitrix. In their reflections were Magister Magi and Storm Arrow. Negi tries running to him but a fence get in between them while Storm Arrow points his storm bow at Magister Magi's neck.**

 **[Dou tsukau? Kindan no Kajitsu!] We then see the Heroes appearing one by one in the room. We then see Red Shinobi in Suika Arms Yoroi Mode but transforms into Gyro Mode as Black Crow and Blue witch pass him on their bikes. The scene then shifts to the characters activating their Omni Driver, from Storm Arrow, Black Crow, and Red Shinobi in order.**

 **[Ima to iu kaze wa.]** **He took a deep breath and exhale softly then he held up the Omnitrix. "Omnitrix Suit...On!" he commanded and the Omnitrix start glowing powerfully then the nanomachines flows out of the Omnitrix and spread across his whole body, constructing a skin-tight bio-organic battle suit that cover his entire body in respective colors: dark-black on the torso area and ends Gokiager pants designs that covers his private section and gain black hoody and X - gloves, has red streak on both shoulder-blades, gain silver-white breastplates and the same colors on her legs and buttocks and gain the Omnitrix symbol beneath the chest with red beltbuckles on both sides that link to the life support pack on his back. He has joint bumps on her shoulders and wore the Omnitrix on his left wrist. The nano-machines surged around his head and constructed into an awesome mask with a large black visor that covered the whole face and has two horn like fins that acts like cat ears** **and soon his Daidaimaru appeared in his hand. He then got into a combat position.**

 **[Dare mo tsutaeru tame.** **Omae no moto ni fuku?]** **Team Fusion Heart dances while the camera was more focused on Frank, Meg, and Frank Jr. The scene shifts to Frank saying hi to Meg while in their reflections were David and the girl in white, who looks like Aoi.**

 **[Tsuyukou tsuyoku Blowin' up!] Magister Magi points his Mage Saber at the screen while behind him were pinecone themed Riders. We then see Red Shinobi hack and slash through them and in his reflection Black Crow was doing the same thing. But the reflection behind showed Blue mage doing the same.**

 **[Ashita ga, Yume ga, mada mienakute mo!] Storm Arrow shoots down a fence and advance as Team Fusion Heart finishes their dance. They soon disappear to be replaced by Mysterious Girl who points at the viewer.**

 **[Soko Genkai? Seiipai! Ikite iru to ieru nara!] Red Shinobi slashes the screen as Team Shadow Baron continues their dance. We then see Black Crow, in Future Earth, slashing the Skelters.**

 **[Utsumukuna yo (Kao agero) Doko made demo (Mageru koto naku)] We then see the weapons and broken armors of all the Heroes with each respective Omnitrix next to them.**

 **[Shinjita michi o yuke! (JUST LIVE MORE!)] All five riders were back to back, practicing their weapons. We then see Frank being trapped by a fence with locks and yells as the plants around it grow.**

 **[Don't Say No! Just Live More!] Red Shinobi rides on his horse as he rushed to battle.**

(In Kawagoe City)

" **Hello~ Quahog City!"** DJ Sagara announced as his face appeared on a big monitor in an arena. People cheered as he went on while they were holding up team signs especially of Fusion Heart, Shadow Baron, Raid Wild, Invitto, Popup, and Phantom Shade.

" **Which Ultimate Hero will reign supreme!?"** DJ Sagara wondered. It was almost winter time in Quahog City and what other better way to end the year off than with a Ultimate heroes Battle Royale.

The crowd was cheering as few of the Beat heroes teams were on stage such as a few of the Ultimate heroes' teams. Soon the music started playing and the crowd cheered as each Beat hero team did their own dance.

For Team Fusion, everyone was wearing their uniforms except Persephone, who was wearing a short white kimono with red obi. As Team Fusion was dancing, Frank Jr and Stewie flipped around the team when they form a line and when they jumped over the line one last time, they high-fived in mid-air before landing and resuming their dance with the rest of the team. This earned some applause from their fans.

For Team Shadow Baron, David Jr moved as if he moved the entire team. A lot of people were cheering for him and his team as they kept dancing in their composed and organized manner.

For Team Popup, Lois was leading her girls in their white uniforms while using canes for support. They danced to the cheerful tune that was playing as the audience cheered for them.

Team Soten were dancing using katana props and samurai costumes. They were dancing as if they were fighting.

The other teams were on the sidelines watching such as Phantom Shade, Rage, and Raid Wild. Zeke and Negi were watching with somewhat contempt but Meg and Persephone only leaned on each other and watched the dances with smiles.

The dancing was soon over and confetti fell down on the dancers as the crowd cheered.

" **Beat Riders, thanks for warming the crowd up with that dancing!"** DJ Sagara announced as he gave them a thumbs up. **"Now, Quahog City, we've got a special broadcast for you!"**

The stage cleared and all the Ultimate Heroes stepped forward. They met up in a circle in the center of the arena. Everyone was cheering as the Heroes stared at each other.

" **It's a Ultimate Heroes Battle Royal Feud!"** DJ Sagara announced with a cloaked item behind him. **"The rules are simple: last teams standing wins! And the winners get this…fresh batch of keychains!"** DJ Sagara announced as he removed the cloak a little bit to show the keychains before putting it back on.

"Golden shinobi! Golden shinobi! Golden shinobi!" One fan cheered before more joined him, the Fusion heroes were a little embarrassed but enjoyed it nonetheless.

"Didn't think you would like the spotlight, Frank Jr." Kevin remarked.

"I don't but you have to keep the audience entertained, right?" Frank Jr replied.

"Let's just not get over our heads here." Stewie said.

"Right, we have a fight to win." Frank Jr said.

"Just don't get overconfident. An inflated Frank Jr is too much for me." Stewie joked.

"That's right, don't get cocky." Rage replied while Zeke looked at David Jr.

"How about it, David Jr? Why not team up with us, so we can take Fusion Heart down first?" Zeke proposed, using schemes again. Frank Jr stared at them.

"It's not strength in numbers that wins a fight…but it's the strength of those numbers." David Jr answered, refusing the aid.

"Say that again, you-!" Rage started but Zeke stopped him before giving him a reassuring smile. He then looked at Lois, her girls.

"What about you guys?" He asked.

"I'm good." Lois said. "I have Lois as my partner after all." Bonnie said, making Lois blush a little.

"Same here, I'd rather do this on my own." Zeke Jr answered.

"You can't blame a guy for trying." Zeke said.

"Enough, let's begin." David said, and all the Heroes agreed.

" **I wonder who the last team standing is going to be!?"** DJ Sagara wondered with anticipation as well as the audience.

They all placed on their Omnitrixs and pick a form.

"Henshin!"

" **DIAMOND HEAD!"**

" **BARON!"**

" **BRIANSTROM!"**

" **WATER HAZARD** **!"**

" **HUMUNGOUSAUR** **!"**

" **CANNONBOLT** **!"**

" **CHROMASTONE** **!"**

" **BIG CHILL** **!"**

 _"_ _ **GHOST FREAK**_ _ **!"**_

The applause turned louder as the Cracks appeared with their fruits or nuts. The Riders did their poses before they slam the hero icon in and locked them.

" **LOCK ON!"**

They then Transformed.

" **SEIYA!"**

" **COME ON!"**

" **HAI!"**

They change, donning them in their hero form.

" **DIAMOND HEAD! HANAMICHI ON STAGE!"**

" **BARON! KNIGHT OF SPEAR!"**

" **WATER HAZARD** **! PIERCING MAGNIFICENT BEAUTY!"**

" **BRIANSTROM** **! GENIOUS CRAB! HA, HA, HA!"**

" _ **GHOST FREAK**_ **! MISTER SHINIGAMI!"**

" **CHROMASTONE** **! MELEE TSUNE!"**

" **CANNONBOLT** **! JIANTOU STRIKE!"**

" **HUMUNGOUSAUR** **! NEVER GIVE UP!"**

" **BIG CHILL** **! ICHIGEKI IN THE SHADOW!"**

Soon the Alien Heroes were completely unfolded and their weapons appeared. Everyone cheered as their favorite Heroes appeared and were ready for a fight. They all took a combat stance.

"Stay on your toes, guys." Diamond Head warned.

"Hai." The two other Fusion heroes replied.

They all charged at each other, trying to beat any hero that gets in their way. Soon Diamond Head was up against Baron, Ghost Freak and Cannonbolt against the Nut heroes, and Humangousaur and Water hazard against Big Chill.

Diamond Head and Baron were having their own duel as the diamond blade clashed with Baron Spear. They were soon locked in a hold before the two jumped away from each other. They circled each other before charging once more.

Brainstorm was shooting any arrows that big chill were firing.

"Nice but let's see how you handle this!" big chill said as he pulled back an arrow which split into three. He fired and Brainstorm shot two down before taking the third arrow.

"Ow!" Brainstorm groaned as she flew to the floor. Frank checked on Brainstorm. "I'm fine, don't worry. Just get him, Frank."

Frank nodded and then charged for Big chill before he can fire again. The two clashed weapons.

"You better give me your best, Big chill." Frank smiled.

"I intend too." Big chill replied with a smile as well. "Hope you guys do the same." he said before he felt shots on his back. He looked and saw Brainstorm.

"I was down but not out!" Brainstorm replied before Frank swept big chill off the ground before going to jab his armor, but he rolled out of the way.

For the Phantom Shade heroes and the Nut heroes, the fight was mostly falling into Phantom Shade's. Reaper was engaging Ghostfreak but his experience in SAO proved having an advantage. Reaper slashed Ghostfreak a few times with his scythe before kicking Ghostfreak down on the floor.

Ghostfreak looked to see that his partner wasn't having a fair time with Kyofu either. He looked at Reaper who about to attack. Ghostfreak grabbed his spear before jabbing him in the stomach. He quickly got up and slashed him before kicking him down. He soon ran to assist Humungousaur with Kyofu.

Humungousaur was lashing Ghostfreak up until Ghostfreak came behind and used his spear to place her in a choke hold. Gridon took advantage by smashing his mallet a few times against her stomach. Kurokage then freed her before kicking her down. Before any more can be done, Reaper ran past by them and slashed them in the process before getting in front of Humungousaur.

"You have to go through both of us!" Reaper said before the fight resumed.

The cheering was soon short lived as a Crack opened and a green plant-themed monster jumped out of it. It was scanning the area and everyone was obviously surprised by its appearance. Was it an alien? If so, then who summoned it? A hooded man was watching the event before Goruto black joined him.

"Your counterpart's doing?" hooded man asked.

"Yes."

"I see then we shall not intervene." hooded man said.

To Bujin Red Shinobi, he felt as if history was replaying in front of his eyes and that it was mocking him. Every fiber of his being told him to intervene but he stayed his hand and allowed history to play normally.

" **Whoa there, we got a little incident brewing. Looks like someone's crashing the party, folks!"** DJ Sagara remarked as he was watching the event from his phone.

The Nepenthes Inhumanoid continued scanning the area until Meg caught its eyes.

"The priestess of fate!" It recognized before walking up to her. She panicked and tried to get away but it was no use.

"Meg!" Red Shinobi noticed as he change back to his super hero mode and was about to intervene before being jabbed by Black Crow as he too change back to his super hero mode as well.

"Eyes up front, you're in the middle of a fight!" Black Crow reminded, oblivious to what's happening.

"Yeah, over there!" Red Shinobi said before getting him off guard and pushing him aside. "Meg!"

Magister Magiand Storm Arrow both noticed while fighting Shejian and fired at the Inhumanoid, slowing it down. Red Shinobi the charged in and tried to slash it but it dodged his blade before Red Shinobi got in between them.

"You okay, Meg?" Red Shinobi asked before both Magister Magiand Storm Arrow charged at the monster. Magister Magitried slashing it a few times only to be grabbed and sued as a human shield against Storm Arrow. He hesitated to fire her gun before the monster tossed Magister Magito Red Shinobi and scratched Storm Arrow a few times before flipping Storm Arrow over to the other two Heroes.

That was when Black Crow charged and slashed the monster across the chest. He then tried to push it back with his lance.

"No one interrupts my fights and gets away with it!" Black Crow exclaimed before slashing it a few times making it fly across the ground. When it landed, it opened a Crack to Neo Earth and jumped in it.

"Get back here!" Red Shinobi called as he, Magister Magi, Storm Arrow, and Black Crow went after it. They soon jumped into the Crack and it closed before any of the other heroes could interfere.

"Frank! Negi! Zeke!" Meg called.

Hooded man tapped Goruto Black on the shoulder before the two left.

(In the Bujin World)

"It appears we've failed to capture the priestess of fate…but these Bujin Heroes are most powerful." Bujin Red Shinobi remarked. "How interesting…"

(In Neo Earth)

The four Heroes were looking for the Inhumanoid but it appears they didn't see anything.

"Damn it, where did that Inves go?" Red Shinobi wondered as he looked around the forest.

"That monster…actually doesn't look like any Inves that I've seen before." Magister Magi remarked as she thought about the Inhumanoid a bit more.

"he does have a point. That didn't look like any regular Inves to me." Storm Arrow agreed.

"It wasn't raining the last time that I came here…" Baron remarked as he and the others noticed that it was raining for the first time in the forest.

(In the Bujin World)

Bujin Red Shinobi extended his arm out and slowly moved it down as if he's slicing something. A ribbon-themed Crack appeared in front of him and slowly opened.

(In Neo Earth)

The same Crack appeared behind the four Riders and they examined it as it was slowly opening.

"What kind of portal is that?" Red Shinobi wondered.

"Beats me." Magister Magi said.

"I have no idea." Storm Arrow answered.

They tried to examine it more closely before it sucked them in and closed.

(In the Bujin World)

A group of people were in front of a giant glowing blue tree and were praying while begging.

"Please save us! Oh sacred tree, our guardian!" The preacher among them said. "Come to us in our hour of need!" They all soon bowed before the giant tree had a glowing spot in front of them. "Huh?"

Soon the Crack opened and the four Riders came flying out with the people moving out of the way. The four landed on the floor and got up to see their surroundings. Red Shinobi was the first to get up and face the group of people before the preacher screamed in panic.

"Bujin Red Shinobi!" He exclaimed.

"It's Bujin Red Shinobi!" Another recognized.

"Red Shinobi? Well yeah, I am." Red Shinobi answered as Magister Magi and Storm Arrow joined him. "Hey do you happen to know where we are?" He tried stepping forward but…

"It's Bujin Red Shinobi! Everyone run for your lives!" One person said before the group ran away as fast as they can in separate directions.

"H-Hang on! Why are they running?" Red Shinobi asked and Storm Arrow shrugged while Magister Magi was giggling.

"Well that's a new record for you." Magister Magi giggled before reverting back to Negi. "Did you mentally threaten them or something?" he joked as Negi recalled a bit of Frank's old behavior in past.

"Not funny." Red Shinobi answered before reverting back into Frank. Black Crow and Storm Arrow did the same before all four noticed the giant tree next to them. David went to have a better look to notice vines around it that were carrying item fruits.

"These are just like the fruit in the forest." David remarked, attracting the attention of the others. They soon joined him when plucking their own fruit before turning into item orb.

David received a Rose Attacker, Zeke received a Sakura Hurricane, Negi received a Lotus Twister, and Frank received a gray bulker Lock Vehicle with a yellow center which makes it look like a dandelion.

"What kind of item orb is this?" Frank wondered as he examined his new item orb. They soon looked at the giant tree which was nothing like they've seen before.

"And what kind of tree is that?" Negi wondered before Zeke looked behind and noticed something.

"Guys, look." Zeke pointed and they looked in his direction to see smoke and flames coming off from a distance.

"Come on, let's check it out." Frank suggested before all four ran in the direction of the smoke.

(In Fusion Heart HQ)

Stewie had enough problems to deal with already. His brother in law hasn't come back for a few hours now and hoped nothing bad happened to him but as much as he hates putting his favorite family members in second, he has to deal with this now and that later.

He got off his elevator and walked to a researcher's desk.

"There's rain flowing into Neo Earth from an uncharted dimension." A researcher explained, regarding the strange weather occurring Neo Earth. Weather never occurred in Neo Earth but at least they have a logical reason for it now.

"Is that so?" Stewie asked.

"The Fusion Heroes battling in the forest were pulled into that dimension." The researcher explained.

"I'll check it out." Stewie answered. If their project here in Fusion Heart was to advance then they needed all the Omnitrixs back on their world. "We shouldn't miss an opportunity to retrieve data." He explained before taking out the Melon Green Omnitrix in his pocket.

He looked at it before clenching it and leaving the room.

(In the Bujin World)

The four soon made it to the source of the fire and they found a burning cathedral with a gate that had the sign "Hon-nohji". The four were at the gate and examined what was going on past it. They saw a battle going on between humans and monsters. The human were also holding a flag that looked like a traffic light with a hawk, tiger, and grasshopper depicted on them.

"Honohji?" David read as they looked at the entrance to see two people dressed finely but shooting the Kajin with guns. One was a boy but he was short, chubby, and wielded a machine gun. The other was a tall, beautiful female with long black hair and amber eyes. He wielded two pistols and in front of him and his warlord was no other than Bujin Hero Hawk Hunter.

"An Ultimate Hero!" Frank recognized as he laid his eyes on Hawk Hunter. David however was eyeing the warlord and his mistress.

The warlord stopped firing and looked at Bujin Hawk Hunter.

"I leave this to you, Bujin Hawk Hunter." The young fat warlord said before going inside with his mistress.

"Hai, Lord Nobunaga!" Bujin Hawk Hunter said as he was defending the entrance with his sword. That was when David made a break for it and ran through the small battlefield, passed through Bujin Hawk Hunter, and entered the cathedral. What is he thinking?

"Let's go in there too!" Frank said.

"Right!" Negi responded.

"You got it!" Zeke replied before the three took out their Omnitrix.

"Henshin!"

" **RED SHINOBI!"**

" **MAGISTER MAGI!"**

" **STORM ARROW!"**

The three did their poses before placing and locking Icon in their Omnitrixs.

" **LOCK ON!"**

That was when Bujin Hawk Hunter heard that and looked at them as they slam their Hero icon.

" **SEIYA!"**

" **COME ON!"**

" **HAI!"**

In a flash of light as they transformed, donning them in their suits, and unfolded into armor.

" **RED SHINOBI! NINJA ON STAGE!"**

" **MAGISTER MAGI! LEGENDARY MAGNIFICENT MAHORA WIZARD!"**

" **STORM ARROW** **!** _ **BA-BA-BANG! BANG-BA-BANG! (YOW!) BANG BANG SHOOTING! GO**_ **!"**

They soon charged to join the fight and helped any human who was having trouble. Bujin Hawk Hunter looked at Red Shinobi.

"Bujin Red Shinobi!" He mistook him for before charging. He slashed a Kajin before charging at Red Shinobi with his sword. Red Shinobi noticed and blocked his attack.

"Hey, I'm trying to help here!"

"Yeah, right!" Bujin Hawk Hunter stated before kicking him away but Red Shinobi charged and held him.

"Stop it!"

That was when Bujin Hawk Hunter looked at the gates and couldn't believe his eyes, before pushing Red Shinobi aside. The REAL Bujin Red Shinobi was approaching before releasing a red aura, opening the gates. He walked through the flames as Red Shinobi stood up and watched him.

"What the hell? He looks just like me!" Red Shinobi remarked.

(Inside the building)

"So many years of fleeting life…" Nobunaga started as he strummed his guitar in front of his mistress whom he calls Kuroyukihime. "Just an ephemeral dream to the cosmos."

That was when David appeared in front of them and Kuroyukihime aimed her pistol at him but he seemed unfazed by this. Nobunaga walked up to him while passing the guitar to Kuroyukihime. He scanned David with his eyes before smiling a bit.

"You've got a good look on you, kid." The seemingly young warlord commented before moving a little closer to David. "I can tell you have a thirst for dominion."

"Dominion? All I want is the strength to destroy anything that gets in my way." David answered, clarifying what he wants out of life.

"Dominion by arms…" Nobunaga stated before smiling a bit. "The unification of land through military strength has long been my ambition as well!" Nobunaga said, seeing how much these two have in common in such short a time.

The two just stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity before more Kajin broke through the walls and started attacking the warlord and his mistress. Nobunaga went back to grab his gun before he and the young lady fired. He soon pushed Kuroyukihime to David and she looked back with a terrified look.

"Lord Nobunaga!" Kuroyukihime called before David wouldn't let her go due to the Kajins and the fact that this place was falling apart.

"Nobunaga!?" David remarked. Nobunaga was a historic Japanese figure who lived during the Sengoku Era in Japan and sought unification of the land. David had to admit, he expected this Nobunaga to be…taller at the least.

Nobunaga continued shooting down the monsters before grabbing something from his pocket and tossing it to David. David grabbed it to see that it was a red medal with a hawk on it. Soon the Kajins started ganging up on the warlord and pulled them in as the flames surrounded them.

"Go on then, have fun! This era can certainly provide such delights!" Nobunaga laughed before the ceiling came down on him and the monsters.

"Lord Nobunaga! LORD NOBUNAGA!" Kuroyukihime called before she was dragged out by David due to the building coming down as a whole.

(Outside)

The building looked like it was on the verge on collapsing as the fight continued. Red Shinobi and Bujin Hawk Hunter were trying their best to hold their own against AR Bujin Red Shinobi but he was too strong.

Bujin Hawk Hunter slashed Bujin Red Shinobi only for him to receive a more powerful slash in return. Bujin Hawk Hunter rolled on the ground as Bujin Red Shinobi approached him.

"Enough!" Red Shinobi exclaimed as he tried to intervene by clashing swords with Bujin Red Shinobi's but he fired his Keyblade at Red Shinobi, pushing him back. Bujin Red Shinobi quickly combined his weapons and took off his hero icon.

" **ICON OFF!"**

He then quickly placed it in his Hero Saber and locked it in.

" **LOCK ON!"**

" **1-0-0-0-0!"**

" **BLOOD SHINOBI CHARGE!"**

Bujin Hawk Hunter got up only to be met with red energy slashes that look like blood orange slices. Bujin Hawk Hunter was soon on his knees and was struggling for air.

"Do it." Bujin Red Shinobi ordered and the Inhumanoid appeared again and opened its chest. Red Shinobi and the others watched in horror as the Nepenthes Inhumanoid absorbed Bujin Hawk Hunter. "I have struck down Bujin Hawk Hunter!" Bujin Red Shinobi declared and the Kajin cheered for him. "Let none leave this place alive!" He ordered.

Red Shinobi got up and defended a soldier from a monster before looking at Bujin Red Shinobi.

"Damn you!" He cursed as he charged. The two clashed weapons.

"I am the one who brought you to this world!" AR Bujin Red Shinobi explained.

"You're the one who-!?" That was when he was kicked away by Bujin Red Shinobi. "Who the hell are you!?"

"I am Bujin Red Shinobi, the future ruler of this land!" AR Bujin Red Shinobi said before Magister Magi and Storm Arrow incapacitated all the Kajin around them with their shots.

"Frank, use this!" Storm Arrow called as he threw his Sakura Hurricane Lock Vehicle. Magister Magi got out and unlocked his Lotus Twister Lock Vehicle. He got on with Storm Arrow at the back. Red Shinobi unlocked his Lock Vehicle and got on before the two drove through the gate.

The Kajin were about to chase them but…

"Don't!" AR Bujin Gaim ordered and they complied. "I've consumed another Bujin's power…" He explained.

On the road, the two bikes were driving until Red Shinobi's Sakura Hurricane stopped and he fell off before reverting back to Frank.

"Frank!" Both Magister Magi and Storm Arrow let out.

Magister Magi stopped his bike and he and Storm Arrow got off before reverting back as well. Negi ran over to Frank. "Frank, are you okay!? Speak to me!"

"Guys…we have to go back. Those soldiers need rescuing!" Frank said as he remembered the slaughter that he saw being led by Bujin Red Shinobi. Negi stopped him.

"Don't be an idiot!" he said.

"He's right, we barely got out ourselves!" Zeke agreed before they heard a jeep coming their way with a few other soldiers behind.

The three tried hiding in the bushes but the jeep already met up with them, quickly stopped, and a few of the men laid a tarp on them and kept them in one place.

"We got them!" A soldier exclaimed.

"Ow! Hey! What's the big idea!?" Frank protested.

"Let us go!" Negi protested.

"Stop!" Zeke protested before a few more men got out and tied the covered group while a particular man looked at them. He had a Japanese formal robe but was dressed casually underneath.

"Great!" The man complimented. "This might be the best day ever."

(In Quahog City)

Meg was outside of Griffin's garage for a bit of fresh air. Inside, Lois, Peter, and brain were working with the other Griffin members and Lois to find leads on where the other three Heroes might've gone to. So far there were none and the other remaining Heroes here are just waving it off or trying to steal the spotlight that the missing ones had.

Meg went on his phone and got on the Beat Heroes hotline for any update but there were none.

" **Here are the Heroes that went missing; Red Shinobi, Black Crow, Magister Magi, and** **Storm Arrow** **. It's been over a day since it all went down and they're still missing!"** As DJ Sagara continued speaking, Meg couldn't help but worry about the others and wondered if they were okay.

"Frank My Love, Negi, Zeke….where did you guys go?" Meg wondered before walking. As she was walking, she looked into an alleyway and saw a Crack leading to Helheim.

She looked at it and saw it as a chance to find her missing brother and friends but getting back here won't be as easy leaving. But she didn't care, she went in and noticed the rain pouring down on her.

She tried her best to take cover under the trees and as she was walking, she noticed a drenched Stewie looking as if he was trying to find something. She hid behind a tree and a ribbon-themed Crack appeared and opened in front of Stewie. Stewie looked at it and walked in. Meg got out of cover and looked at the Crack.

She gulped out of anxiety but she went ahead and walked in.

(In the Bujin World)

Sunlight was shining down on Frank and he woke up to find his head on Negi's coat pilow.

"Negi?"

Negi immediately looked down with a tender smile.

"You're okay! Zeke, he's awake!"

Zeke then approached Frank, who was getting up.

"Take it easy, alright? Are you okay?" Zeke asked.

"Yeah…" Frank said as he sat up and looked around to find out that they were in a jail cell. "This is definitely not Kawagoe or any part of Japan."

"We know. Me and Negi were talking for a bit and we came up with our theory." Zeke explained. "We basically think we're in an alternate universe."

"An alternate universe?" Frank said in shock as he grabbed the jail bars and looked around. "What makes you so sure?"

"Well, the Honnohji Nobunaga Oda died in wasn't a church." Zeke pointed out before he allowed Negi to take over.

"To put it simply, this world works differently and has a much different history than what we're familiar with." Negi explained.

"I see." Frank knew a bit of history himself but before he could indulge his mind further into this, he looked down at himself and his friends and noticed something. "Hey guys, where's are our Omnitrix?"

Just then the warlord, who was the same man from last night, appeared and was escorted by two guards.

"Hey, guys! You feelin' happy with the setup we got you?" He asked before tugging his belt which is Frank's Omnitrix was being held by a sash.

' _My belt!'_ Frank recognized before looking at the warlord. He would be worried but he knows that the belt will only work for him and him only. He just decided to watch as this warlord learns the hard way.

"As you can see, this obi now mine! Get ready!" He said as he pulled out the HERO ICON. He unlocked it.

" **RED SHINOBI!"**

The three just watched him with smirks as the warlord placed the lock in the Omnitrix and locked it in.

" **LOCK ON!"**

The warlord tried slicing it but instead he just lightly tapped it.

"Henshin!"

The warlord braced himself as the guards braced themselves but nothing happened. Frank poked his head out of the cell.

"Sorry, but the belts only work for us." Frank said. "You want them to work then you have to work with us."

The warlord looked at Frank.

"I'm the general who runs this place. Call me Ieyasu." Ieyasu said as he stuck his arm out and Frank was unsure of whether or not that he should return the gesture. NEGI gestured him to play friendly and he did, only for Ieyasu to bend his arm.

"Ow!" Frank creamed in pain.

"Frank!" Both Guys called.

"Let him go!" Negi demanded as he tried to break them apart only for Ieyasu to smack his arm hand back.

"But first, some questions. Are you guys enemies? Or allies?" Ieyasu asked.

"Well, I wouldn't exactly consider ourselves allies but I can definitely assure you that we're not enemies! Right, guys?" Frank said, looking back at the girls.

"Yeah!" Zeke answered.

"Definitely!" Negi answered, hoping his answer is enough for the warlord to let go of his best friend.

"Then why do you look just like Bujin Red Shinobi?" Ieyasu asked, noticing the similarity in their armor.

"Bujin Red Shinobi?" That was when Frank remembered what happened last night. "You mean him!?"

"We got some…bad blood between us. If you're with him…" Ieyasu started before withdrawing his katana and putting it against Frank's neck, putting the heroes on edge. "I won't hesitate to chop you up."

"You don't have to worry about that!" Frank answered. "That's one of the last guys I would associate myself with. And, I really want to make that guy pay for last night!" Frank assured, despite his situation.

Ieyasu smiled as he lets go of Frank's arm but kept his blade on him.

"You're an interesting guy. I'll believe you." Ieyasu answered before sheathing his sword. He soon went to the lock to the cell and placed the key in before unlocking it. He soon opened the door and went in. He scanned Frank and smiled. "I think you two would get along…if he was still alive." He said as he patted his shoulder.

"Who?"

"Bujin Flame Knight." Ieyasu answered as he showed the others the Flame sword that Bujin Flame Knight once had on him.

"Wizard?" Frank said as he remembered meeting Flame Knight along with the rest of the heroes but Zeke stepped in.

"Could you tell us about this world?" Zeke asked.

 _(Flashback)_

 _Bujin_ _Captain Goose_ _and_ _Wild Savage_ _charged for each other as their forces were attacking._

"We warlords are waging war, and seizing each other's territory to unify the nation."

 _Bujin_ _Iron Brawler_ _was attacking Bujin_ _Dark Sword_ _and tackled him down a hill. Bujin_ _Green-Skinned Assassin_ _and_ _Lady Swan_ _were engaging each other._

"Each warlord commands a guardian known as a Bujin hero." Ieyasu explained as he took out a map of Japan with the symbols of the Heroes. Each imprinted on a certain part of Japan. "The Bujin Heroes have been the ones making the biggest difference in battle."

 _Bujin_ _Super Karate Kid_ _and_ _Guardian Angel_ _were having a sword fight while not only their forces were fighting but so were their warlords. The_ _Guardian Angel_ _Warlord had hot female build figure and had blonde hair. The_ _Super Karate Kid_ _Warlord was a female teen with brown hair and green eyes._

"After the war waged on for a while, a new Bujin showed up and changed the whole game."

 _Bujin_ _Scarlet Widow_ _and_ _Machine_ _Patriot_ _were continuing to engage themselves in battle with_ _Machine_ _Patriot_ _bashing_ _Scarlet Widow_ _'s chest. Bujin_ _Scarlet Widow_ _managed to block the attack before kneeing him._

"He served no warlord, and sought to conquer the land for himself…his name was Bujin Red Shinobi."

 _Bujin Flame Knight and Bujin_ _Red Shinobi_ _were fighting and Flame Knight's forces was cheering for him and among them was Ieyasu._

"He defeated Bujin after Bujin, claiming their territory for his own."

 _Bujin Flame Knight tried finding an opening but Bujin_ _Red Shinobi_ _was not making it easy especially when dual-wielding._

"Eventually, he struck down my army's Buijn Hero, Flame Knight."

 _Ieyasu and his men have terrified faces when Bujin_ _Red Shinobi_ _slashed Flame Knight across the chest. Flame Knight tried striking but Bujin_ _Red Shinobi_ _blocked it before slashing Flame Knight again. Soon Bujin_ _Red Shinobi_ _thrusts his Musou Saber into Flame Knight's abdomen. Bujin_ _Red Shinobi_ _pulled the sword out and Flame Knight tried covering his wound but he fell flat on the ground._

" _Flame Knight!" Ieyasu called as he ran to his aid._

 _Just then the Inhumanoid appeared and absorbed Flame Knight before Ieyasu could come to him. Ieysau clutched the dirt where Bujin Flame Knight once laid and all that was left was his ring. He took the ring before taking on a horrified look of despair._

" _FLAME KNIGHT!"_

(Present)

David was exploring more this world by walking through a nearby village. He was curious about this world and wanted to see what life here was like. As he was walking, he noticed two people running his way. He stepped out of the way.

"Move!" The man at the front yelled as he carried a jug.

"Get back here, you water thief!" She yelled. "Damn you!"

David decided to ignore the chase and continue his way and saw Kuroyukihime being pushed down by three thugs.

"We know Nobunaga had treasure…" The leader started. "Tell us where it is-!"

"Never!" Kuroyukihime called as she pulled out her gun only for the leader to hit it out of her hand.

"Looks like you need some more convincing." The leader said as he pointed his spear at her. David quickly ran over, bended his arm, and kicked him away.

He punched one guy before pushing him away and dodged another's attempt before tossing him away. The leader got up and was prepared to fight. He charged only for David to dodge and take a hold of his spear. He blocked a hit from another thug before tossing the leader away.

Kuroyukihime got up and was watching David holding his ground against the three thugs. Soon he managed to knock the two thugs away and pointed the spear at the leader. The leader, seeing no way out of this, decided to flee.

"Run! Run!" He ordered before David tossed him his spear back. "We'll remember this!" He said before he and goons ran.

Kuroyukihime walked up to him.

"It's you…from before." She recalled as he was the only other person to see her master die. She looked around the village to see people looking at them. "Come with me."

Soon they were at the giant tree and people were praying in front of it.

"This is the Tree of the Gods." Kuroyukihime explained. David looked down and noticed that the praying group was begging for rain.

"Why are they praying for rain?" He asked.

"With you sacred power, please…" The praying people kept begging. Kuroyukihime only had a sad look on her face.

"It's been months since we've had rain. That's why…" She trailed off but David knew what she was going to say. The land and crops here looked dried up and barren so it didn't take a genius to put two and two together.

"I see." David answered. Kuroyukihime looked back at David.

"The only way to sustain the people was to seize more people. But with my Lord gone…" She started off in a sad tone of voice, remembering the night of Nobunaga's death. "And with Bujin Hawk Hunter defeated…" She started walking away before David took out Nobunaga's Hawk bow and looked at her.

This girl just lost everything that was dear to her in one night but David understood her pain

"It'll be fine…I'm here now." David assured and the young girl stopped and looked at him.

(In another part of the Bujin World)

Two people knelt on their knees near their warlord. One was dressed formally with a fedora and had short brown hair with matching eyes. The other seemed to be a female and was dressed strangely and had pale skin, red eyes, and short blue hair.

Their warlord had a red coat and held a sign that said, "Don't question me!" Just then a messenger and knelt down before the warlord.

"Lord Walker!" He called. "Bujin Red Shinobi has slain Bujin Hawk Hunter!"

Everyone was surprised by such news and had shocked looks on their faces.

"What!?" The cop said.

"Is this true!?" The female twin asked.

"That mean the only remaining guardians are Bujin Pink Arrow, Bujin Dark Sword, and Bujin Iron brawler!" Walker counted before an arm appeared behind him. It held a wooden sandal that said "Best Wife in the land."

"Think about what you're saying!" A female voice said before using her sandal to smack her husband.

Walker looks over to see his red-headed wife, Helena.

"Don't you realize this is your chance to take the land!? Come on, get your head in the game!" Helena scolded.

"It's Red Shinobi!" A voice said and everyone looked to see their men being slaughtered by AR Bujin Red Shinobi's monster and among them was the leader himself.

"Come!" Bujin Red Shinobi called.

"Bujin Pink Arrow!" Walker called.

"Right!" The cop said.

"Understood!" His partner said before taking out their Memories from their old friend and their belts already on.

" **STORM!"**

" **WITCH!"**

"Henshin!"

The female placed her Memory first in her belt before it teleported to the male's slot. The male pushed it down before inserting his and pushing the two slots away.

" **STORM-WITCH!"**

The Woman transformed into Bujin Pink Arrow while Helena caught the twin who passed out. Bujin W was fighting his way through every monster but he was having some trouble doing so.

"Meg, may I recommend Xtreme?" Bujin Pink Arrow's left side asked.

"Let's, Persephone."

A tiny mechanical bird appeared and absorbed Persephone's body before going to Pink Arrow W. she placed her Driver in its original form so the bird can attach and separated the slots again.

" **XTREME!"**

Pink Arrow went into his Xtreme form and summoned her sword and shield. She blocked and slashed the monsters more efficiently.

"Yes!" walker cheered.

"Get him!" Helena cheered.

Bujin Pink Arrow soon pushed down a monster before it and the rest of it surrounded him. Pink Arrow quickly sheathed his sword in his shield. That was when the Memories in it activated.

" **CYCLONE! HEAT! LUNA! JOKER! MAXIMUM DRIVE!"**

Pink Arrow pulled out his charged sword and slashed all of them, destroying all the monsters. Soon he blocked a hit from AR Bujin Gaim with his shield. He dodged the next hit before AR Bujin Gaim slashed him only for Bujin W to slash him a few more times on his own.

Soon AR Red Shinobi regained his footing and slashed Pink Arrow before kicking him down.

"Meg!" Pink Arrow's right eye blinked before his right side grabbed his sword and pressed the button on it.

" **PRISM! MAXIMUM DRIVE!"**

AR Bujin Red Shinobi dodged Pink Arrow's charged sword before firing the Musou Saber. Iron baby suddenly appeared and blocked the bullets before firing his own. AR Bujin Red Shinobi stumbled a bit while Bujin W was just surprised.

"Bujin Red Shinobi, you still owe me answers." Iron baby calmly said.

"How dare you demand things from me?" AR Bujin Red Shinobi said before he charged. Iron baby jumped out of the way before W stepped in and slashed AR Bujin Red Shinobi before Iron baby bashed him with his shield.

From a nearby tree, the original hooded Bujin Red Shinobi was watching all of this. He held a Donguri Lockseed in his hand.

"Looks like my counterpart needs some aid, how ridiculous." But then again, in his version, it was Iron baby that helped him instead of Bujin Pink Arrow. Regardless, AR Bujin Red Shinobi was barely holding his own ground and it appeared that Bujin W was about to finish him.

"Why not." Bujin Red Shinobi said to himself before unlocking the Hero Icon.

Just as Bujin Pink Arrow was about to finish him, an Inves appeared and smacked him off guard. It then tackled Iron baby and as Iron baby was fighting it, AR Bujin Red Shinobi charged at the recovering Bujin Pink Arrow.

He thrusts his Daidaimaru into Bujin Pink Arrow's abdomen before pulling it out. Iron baby finished off the Inves only to watch Bujin Pink Arrow be absorbed by the Inhumanoid.

Walker and everyone else seemed shocked at this.

"Fine…" The warlord started before dragging a giant sword. "It seems that I, Walker, must break through this problem on my own!"

Helena then smacked him with her slipper.

"You mustn't! I can't lose you!" His wife said as she blocked him. "What's more important to you, me or the war!?"

"Helena…that's actually an easy question!" He answered before he scooped her in his arms and started running away from the scene.

"Hey, where are you going!?" A soldier asked.

"He's gone…" Another remarked.

Iron baby looked at where Bujin Pink Arrow once stood and noticed the Pink Arrow bow on the floor. He picked it up and stared at AR Bujin Red Shinobi and the Nepenthes Inhumanoid.

"It appears you're not the Bujin Red Shinobi that I'm looking for." Iron baby remarked.

"There's only one me and soon…I shall have your power!" He replied before he and his monster charged.

Iron baby blocked AR Bujin Red Shinobi's attack with his shield before bashing him away. He then kicked the Inhumanoid away before running from the scene. The Inhumanoid was about to go after him but his master stopped it.

The original Bujin Red Shinobi only watched the scene for a few more seconds before leaving.

(In Ieyasu's territory)

Ieyasu was sitting in his chair with a group of soldiers between him and Frank, Negi, and Zeke.

"We have received news that Bujin Pink Arrow has been struck down." A soldier announced, another Bujin was gone. "It's only a matter of time before he can secure his rule. I suggest that we should prepare for surrender…"

"Surrender!?" Ieyasu gawked. "Not a chance, it's not like we're up the river without a Bujin anymore!" He said before walking up to the three Fusion Heroes. "Allow me to introduce…our new Bujin Heroes!"

Everyone grouped around them, smiled, and applauded the idea while the Fusion Heroes…

"EH!?" All three gawked.

"They've sworn to aid me in my conquest." Ieyasu explained.

"I don't recall ever agreeing to that!" Frank objected.

Ieyasu had a cool face before snapping his fingers. A servant brought a table up which had their Omnitrixs and hero Icons.

"You may have these back. And I'll give you a little something extra." Ieyasu said before taking off Bujin Flame Knight's Flame Style Ring and offering it to Frank. "A little memento from Bujin Flame Knight."

Frank took it and examined it before the soldiers applauded for them while the guys just had anxious looks as Ieyasu wrapped his arm around zeke.

"Look neither of us agreed to-!" Frank started before he was interrupted.

"Let us go on a hawk hunt to celebrate our new Bujins!" Ieyasu announced. "Get ready!"

"Hai!" All the soldiers saluted.

(Later)

After catching their hawk, they were on their way back to the castle. Ieyasu and the heroes were all in the back of a moving jeep while the soldiers were running besides them. Ieyasu couldn't help but notice Frank's irritated expression.

"Hey, what's with the long face?" Ieyasu asked as he grabbed Frank's cheeks, puffing them up a little bit making Negi giggle a bit. Frank just put Ieyasu's arm away.

"Because of you! Neither of us agreed to be your new Bujin." Frank answered.

"I thought you wanted to beat Bujin Gaim!" Ieyasu replied.

"We do and we agreed to help you with that, not to help you conquer any of the territories! After we beat him, we're heading back to our world. Right?" Frank asked the guys.

"Yeah, this isn't our war! Why should we be involved?" Negi replied.

"You said it!" Zeke answered before Ieyasu wrapped his arm around Frank's shoulder.

"Don't be so cold, man! Just help me while we're on the way." Ieyasu proposed while Frank just pushed him off. Negi couldn't help but notice that Frank's current behavior was similar to the one back in Mahora. Just before he can say anything, he noticed two armored figures on bikes riding behind them in the rear view mirror.

He looked behind to see them.

"Look!"

Ieyasu turned and recognized them.

"Bujin _Guardian Angel_? Bujin _Iron Brawler_?" Ieyasu noticed before the others did.

"Are they enemies?" Shino asked.

"Its fine, we agreed to form an alliance with their armies until Bujin Red Shinobi is defeated." Ieyasu assured before Bujin _Guardian Angel_ and _Iron Brawler_ drove in front of them and prompted them to stop.

"Watch out!" Bujin _Iron Brawler_ warned.

"It's an ambush!" Bujin _Guardian Angel_ added in.

Everyone stopped before explosions occurred in front of them. They all flew back as AR Bujin Red Shinobi's monsters appeared walking towards them.

"To arms!" A soldier roared as did the others before charging. The Bujin heroes went back to Ieyasu and the Fusion Heart Heroes before helping them recover their bearings. They observed the fight before deciding to do something about it.

"Negi! Zeke!" He called as he placed on his Omnitrix.

"Right!"

"You got it!"

The guys soon did the same before they all took out their Icons.

"Henshin!"

" **RED SHINOBI!"**

" **MAGISTER MAGI!"**

" **STORM ARROW!"**

They all did their pose as the Cracks appeared overhead with their Power. They soon placed and locked them in the Omnitrixs.

" **LOCK ON!"**

They then sliced them.

" **SEIYA!"**

" **COME ON!"**

" **HAI!"**

Their fruits fell and landed on their heads, donning them in their suits.

" **RED SHINOBI! NINJA ON STAGE!"**

" **MAGISTER** **MAGI! LEGENDARY MAGNIFICENT MAHORA WIZARD!"**

" **STORM ARROW** **!** _ **BA-BA-BANG! BANG-BA-BANG! (YOW!) BANG BANG SHOOTING! GO**_ **!"**

Their fruits unfolded into armor and their weapons appeared in their hands. Storm Arrow charged while Red Shinobi stopped Magister Magi.

"Negi, I need you to help the Bujin Heroes protect Ieyasu. Can you do that?" Red Shinobi asked.

"Are you sure?"

Red Shinobi nodded.

"Okay then but don't get hurt." Magister Magi said before Red Shinobi nodded again and charged. He was helping Storm Arrow push back the monsters by pulling throwing them off the road or by assisting the soldiers.

As they were fighting Magister Magi looked back at Bujin _Guardian Angel_ , _Iron Brawler_ , and Ieyasu.

"Let's get to safety." he suggested and the others nodded in agreement before leaving the scene. They didn't get very far though as they were soon approached by AR Red Shinobi and the Nepenthes Inhumanoid.

"We can handle this." Bujin _Guardian Angel_ said.

"Then let's go!" Bujin _Iron Brawler_ said before he, Magister Magi, and Bujin _Guardian Angel_ charged. The other two did the same and Bujin _Iron Brawler_ was dealing with Inhumanoid while Bujin _Guardian Angel_ and Magister Magi handled AR Bujin Red Shinobi.

Magister Magi and Bujin _Guardian Angel_ blocked his swords while Bujin _Iron Brawler_ was trying to pummel the Inhumanoid.

(With Red Shinobi)

Red Shinobi was still trying to assist the men as he defeated another Kajin. He soon looked and saw another fighting two of the soldiers. Red Shinobi soon took out a new Icon and opened it.

" **KAGE!"**

He took off his Red Shinobi Icon and replaced it with his Kage icon.

" **LOCK ON!"**

He then slams it.

" **SEIYA!"**

His Red Shinobi Arms disappeared and the kage landed on his head.

" **KAGE! LEADER OF THE SIXTH GERNERATION!"**

The Kage unfolded into armor and Red Shinobi took out his kunai only to see a monster slashed and stabbed a soldier in the abdomen. He withdrew the blade, allowing the soldier to fall and bleed.

"Hey!" He called before throwing a few of his knuai at the Kajin, exploding on impact. Red Shinobi then landed with his Musou Saber in hand and slashed the monster a few times before kicking it away. He then checked on the wounded soldier. "Hey! Are you okay!? Stay with me!"

The man opened his eyes and looked at Red Shinobi.

"Sir Bujin…" He started as he tried to gather enough strength. "Please…our lord. Please protect our lord!" He got out before he gave in to his wound and died.

"Hey!" Red Shinobi called as he shook the body once more. "Hey! Stay with me! Hey!" He soon heard more sounds of agony and pain as he looked up and saw more Kajin slaying the soldiers. They were too much for them and Red Shinobi couldn't help but be reminded of the slaughter of his old world back in his past. Enraged, Red Shinobi charged at them. "You bastards!"

(With Storm Arrow)

Storm Arrow was fighting three Kajins and tried to fire before being disarmed, slashed, and kicked away. He landed on the ground and got up with his Z's Armory ICON. He opened it.

" **Z's ARMORY** **!"**

He replaced her Budou Lockseed with it and locked it in before slicing it.

" **LOCK ON!"**

" **HAI!"**

" _ **Z's ARMORY Scramble da! Shutsugeki Hasshin! Bang Bang Z's Armory Generations! (militaristic music) Hasshin!**_ _ **"**_

A crimson armor landed on his head with the ends forming his shoulder armor while one section formed the chestplate with half of an Armor slice visible. He also received two big guns that were styled after alucards. His new helmet which was dark red, and made his glass red and was made to look like gunner, Zeke gains a large amount of Guns strapped on his body and flame emblazoned armor on his thighs and one of his arms. This was Storm Arrow's Z's Armory gear.

He charged and tried slicing them through. The monsters were trying to keep a good distance away to avoid being chopped. It proved inevitable however when Storm Arrow used his guns and moved his hands in a motion that the guns responded to. They glowed red and the bullets moved in a circular motion, blasting the monsters and looking like storm explosions. He did it again and the Kajins soon exploded.

The guns swap landed back in her hands and he looked at them.

"I can work with this." he said before trying to catch up with Red shinobi. As he was running, Iron baby appeared stepping out of the fields. Storm Arrow got ready for another fight.

"Iron baby!" Storm Arrow recognized and wondered if it's Frank's brother underneath that suit. Iron baby just turned to look at her and tossed her something. She caught it and looked to see that it was a hero ICON.

"Go back to our world. I'd rather not lose so many heroes…" Iron baby advised before walking away. Storm Arrow just stared at him before he was gone.

(With Magister Magi and the others)

Magister Magi and Bujin _Guardian Angel_ were having a hard time handling AR Bujin Red Shinobi before he kicked Aura away and gave Bujin Blade a heavy slashed before slicing his Lockseed.

" **BLOOD SHINOBI SMASH!"**

His Daidaimaru glowed red before giving Bujin _Guardian Angel_ a heavy slash. Bujin _Guardian Angel_ was soon on his knees and the Inhumanoid kicked _Iron Brawler_ away before absorbing _Guardian Angel_. Magister Magi looked in shock and saw Bujin _Guardian Angel_ 's Change Ace card at where he once stood. He took it before looking up at AR Bujin Red Shinobi.

"You monster!" he called before getting out her hell's refining fire icon.

" **HELL'S REFINING FIRE!"**

He replaced his Magister Magi icon with it and locked it in. he soon slam it.

" **LOCK ON!"**

" **COME ON!"**

A giant flame armor landed on his head.

" **HELL'S REFINING FIRE ICON! Flames of Hell into one's flesh and fuses it with the spirit!"**

The Icon unfolded with the front side and some of the sides folding into a chestplate. While the upper sides folded onto shoulders, making small shoulder pads. He soon gained a Black red helmet with a stem on top which made his eyes white. In hishands, he received two tomahawks that were styled after kratos blades. This was Magister Magi's Hell's Refining Fire Arms.

He then used his newfound agility to try and slash AR Bujin Red Shinobi which he did before the Inhumanoid clawed at Bujin _Iron Brawler_. Bujin _Iron Brawler_ tried to take it but it soon the Inhumanoid's vines appeared and wrapped themselves around Bujin _Iron Brawler_ before absorbing him as well.

" _Iron Brawler_!" Ieyasu called before he noticed AR Bujin Red Shinobi and the Inhumoid just beating Magister Magi. Negi hacked and slashed the Inhumanoid before going after AR Bujin Red Shinobi after slicing his icon.

" **COME ON!"**

" **HELL'S REFINING FIRE SMASH!"**

Her tomahawks started glowing and enlarged to giant flame slices while AR Bujin Red Shinobi sliced his.

" **BLOOD ORANGE SQUASH!"**

AR Bujin Red Shinobi charged as well before both of them went past each other, and appeared to slash each other at the same time. They stood still for seconds before sparks were flying off of Magister Magi's armor. He soon fell down on the floor before Inhumanoid approached him.

Red Shinobi and Storm Arrow arrive just in time only to see the Inhumanoid absorb Magister Magi.

"Frank…" Magister Magi noticed before being completely absorbed.

"NEGI!" Red Shinobi exclaimed before he jumped and threw a kunai at AR Bujin Red Shinobi's chest, exploding on impact. He landed near them before taking on AR Bujin Red Shinobi while Storm Arrow took on the Inhumanoid to protect Ieyasu.

The Red Shinobis were going at each other. Swords clashed and sparks were flying off their armors while Red Shinobi slashed AR Bujin Red Shinobi only to be slashed and kicked from him. Red Shinobi managed to defend himself before going try counterattack.

Meanwhile Storm Arrow was trying to get Negi back from the Inhumanoid and managed to land a few slashed before pushing him away. The Inhumanoid flew and landed before getting up and summoning its vines. It aimed and launched them at Storm Arrow before he tried slashing them away but they disarmed him, wrapped themselves around him, and lifted him up.

Red Shinobi noticed as he slashed AR Bujin Red Shinobi away.

"Zeke!"

"Frank, use this!" Storm Arrow said before tossing Red Shinobi the Blasterate Icon that he got from Stewie.

"ZEKE!" Red Shinobi exclaimed before looking at and opening the Blasterate Icon.

" **Blasterate** **!"**

He quickly replaced it, locked it in, and slams it.

" **LOCK ON!"**

" **SEIYA!"**

The giant watermelon appeared and landed on him.

" **BLASTERATE! ARMOR BIG BANG!"**

It soon unfolded into is mech form before taking on the two. The three fought and Red Shinobi went into Shield Mode to shield himself.

" **SHIELD MODE!"**

AR Bujin Red Shinobi and the Inhumanoid tried to get him out but they couldn't.

" **BARRELED** **BLASTERS MODE!"**

Red Shinobi continued fighting with them and slashed the two away and ran for Ieyasu.

"My lord!" He called before he grabbed him.

" **SHIELD MODE!"**

The mech went into its watermelon form and rolled away.

"What's going on!? This is kinda terrifying!" Ieyasu commented inside the watermelon before they were completely gone.

"They escaped…" AR Bujin Red Shinobi noted as he got up. "No matter, I've beaten every Bujin in this world." He stated as the Inhumanoid got up.

Soon a ribbon-themed Crack appeared and opened. They took notice of it.

"Huh?"

Inside was Flame Knight fighting a White Flame knight and Hawk Hunter faces against Bertram. AR Bujin Red Shinobi eyed Hawk Hunter specifically.

"Another Bujin Heroes from another world…we'll add his power to our own!" He said before the Inhumanoid went for the Crack and waited for the fight to be over. When it was over, Hawk Hunter reverted back to his civilian form only for the Inhumanoid to absorb him.

Eddie and the others looked surprised and faced AR Bujin Red Shinobi. He simply stared at them back before the Crack closed.

"Come." AR Bujin Red Shinobi commanded and the Inhumanoid followed.

Later at night

Stewie was still exploring the world until he felt like he stepped on something. He looked down and moved his foot out of the way to find Bujin Iron Brawler and Machine Patriot's Rocket Astroswitch.

"Interesting." He said as he examined it before putting it in his pocket and continued exploring.

With Frank and Ieyasu

Red Shinobi reverted back to Frank and the two were far enough from AR Bujin Gaim. Ieyasu took a seat on a nearby crate and wiped his forehead.

"That was really a close one…I would've died if it wasn't for you." Ieyasu commented but Frank didn't make any replies. Instead, he was just setting up boxes around Ieyasu to hide him.

"Hide here or go to your castle." Frank instructed before leaving. Ieyasu got up ans ran to him.

"W-Wait, where are you going?" Ieyasu asked.

"I have to save Negi and Zeke!" Kirito answered. He just watched his two best friends get absorbed by the Inhumanoid, he was obviously not in the best mood no is he going to stand for this.

Ieyasu just sighed.

"It's useless, man. Once he sucks someone up, there's no way in retrieving them. It was the same for Bujin Flame Knight…" Ieyasu explained but his explanation only added to Frank's pain. Were they trapped in that thing forever? Was there really no way? All these questions ran through Frank's head but it didn't help his situation. "Besides, if I lose you, who's going to help me conquer the land?"

Ieyasu tried walking back to the castle but Frank didn't move.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Frank said.

Ieyasu stopped and looked at him before Frank grabbed him by the collar.

"Negi and Zeke is gone because of you! And your own soldiers too!" Frank exclaimed while Ieyasu kept a calm look on. "I just watched them vanish and you're only concerned about conquering the land!?"

Ieyasu pushed him off.

"What if I cried, would that satisfy you!?" He asked, earning a glare from Frank. "I will carry the will of the dead with me." He said as he picked up and dusted a medallion that he dropped. He then showed it to Frank. "Come with me and let's rule this land together!"

Frank stared at him. As much as he wanted to leave, he can't. The Cracks appear only randomly and AR Bujin Red Shinobi is the only one who knows how to get them back but he won't just do it besides there is an army of Kajin between him and AR Bujin Red Shinobi. He had no choice but to stick with Ieyasu.

He soon looked away.

"Castle's this way, right?"

Ieyasu nodded.

"Let's go, then." He responded in a neutral tone before the two went off.

(In the morning)

The two finally made it to the castle's gates and the guards there instantly rushed to Ieyasu.

"My lord, you're okay!" The guards were relieved before a messenger ran to their gates.

"A new Bujin has appeared!" He announced and that caught Frank's attention.

"You serious!?" Ieyasu gawked.

"He's gathering the remnants of the armies defeated by Bujin Red Shinobi, and he's enlisting them to wage war!" The messenger explained. Frank seemed anxious but approached the messenger.

"What's his name?" Frank asked.

"Bujin Black Crow."

"Black Crow!?" Frank exclaimed. David was leading the remnants of the fallen armies? What was he up to? He was trying to unify this land but for what? Power, like he always wanted?

"You know him?" Ieyasu asked.

"David…" Frank replied.

(At Baron's camp)

David was overseeing the soldiers preparing to attack until Kuroyukihime and knelt next to him.

"We spotted a suspicious girl. We have her in custody." She stated.

"A girl?"

"Let go of me!" A familiar voice demanded and Kaito looked to see two of his men bringing a captured Meg before him. "Let go already!" That was when she first saw Kaito. "David!? Why are you dressed like that?" She asked. Other than his Baron uniform, he wore Japanese noble robes and had a katana at his side.

Kuroyukihime stood up and was prepared to slap her.

"You rude-!"

"All of you…" David interjected. "Leave us." He ordered.

"Yes, sir." They all said before Kuroyukhime and the two men left. David soon looked at Suguha.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

"I was looking for Frank, Negi, and Zeke…so I went to look in the forest. But before I knew it-."

David stood up.

"I'll tell you where they are." He answered. "You may go to them." He said before walking away with meg following them. Unknown to them, Kuroyukhime was watching.

"Wait, what about you?" She asked.

David soon stopped and looked over the green plains.

"I will stay and fight in this world! This is the same as the Beat Heroes. Either I battle, and triumph over all…or I lose everything." David explained. This world was no different than the one he came from because his belief in strength applied overall. Unifying the land under his name would prove the strength that he has, while the same could be said for getting all the stages of the Beat Heroes, either you battle and win the game for your freedom or lose everything and die.

"But…"

"Let them know this." David requested. "Our army is beginning to advance into their borders. Surrender or by annihilated." David said as he and Meg turned back at the camp to see the army preparing to invasion with Kuroyukhime looking over them. "I'll let them choose how it ends."

He soon approached a group of men near a jeep.

"I want you guys to escort this girl into the Bujin Flame knight territory." He ordered.

"Yes, my lord." They all replied before Meg got on the jeep and started driving down the road.

As they were driving, Meg couldn't help but think about this world. She so far gathered that this world was in the Sengoku Period but how did David get his own army? And what were the others doing here? She didn't really have much time to think because soon a Crack opened in front of them and the Nepenthes Inhumanoid jumped out in front of the jeep.

The jeep stopped and everyone started running before the Inhumanoid ran and grabbed Meg.

"I've finally got the Priestess of Fate!" He said in joy.

"What are you saying!?" Meg said. What this monster was saying didn't make any sense. Soon an armored figure jumped out of the Crack and shot at the Inhumanoid, making it let go of Meg. She ran as the monster rolled on the ground.

The armored figure landed next to Meg and she got a good look at him.

"I'm taking my friend back." He said to the monster.

"A Ultimate Hero?" She asked.

"Flame knight." He introduced himself as before the monster fired green energy orbs at him. Flame knight tilted his buckled and placed his right hand on it.

" **DEFEND! PLEASE!"**

Meg shielded herself but Flame knight summoned a magical barrier to deflect the blasts. It soon faded and Wizard transformed his gun into a sword before charging. The two were fighting but Wizard was gaining the upper hand as he slashed the monster twice before kicking it away.

The Inhumanoid rolled on the floor before getting his bearings and standing up. It soon stood up to fire its vines but Flame knight acted quickly by tilting his belt twice and placing on a new ring before scanning it.

" **VERY NICE! SPECIAL! FABULOUS!"**

A small magical circle appeared in front of Flame knight and placed his ring against it, making the circle unleashed a huge burst of fire which not only pushed the vines back but it also burned the Inhumanoid quite a bit. Once the flames faded on its body, it jumped away.

"Damn it…" Flame knight groaned before reverting back to his civilian form. He soon checked up on Meg. "You okay?"

"Yeah, um…" Meg started.

"My friends call me Eddie." Eddie smiled.

(In Bujin Flame knight's territory)

Meg and Eddie were looking around for any of the others but meg's worried look turned into a bright smiled when she saw Frank sitting on a stair.

"Negi, Zeke…" Frank murmured. He couldn't help but think about what happened to them. He hated the fact that he couldn't do anything to prevent them from being taken. It was just like Legend War one million years ago, where he saw his old home, the Moonlit Black Cars, being slaughtered at the hands of a dungeon trap. And among them was his first love, Aoi. He promised her that she wouldn't die but she did and he felt extremely terrible about it.

He then thought about the loved ones they had. Meg had a whole family back home and Zeke, Negi said that they both have a younger brothers who cares about them extremely. He can't imagine what their looks must be when he tells them.

"Man, what the hell am I going to say?" Frank asked himself before…he felt someone hugging him from behind.

"Frank!"

Frank instantly turned to see Meg.

"Meg! W-What are you doing here!?" He asked before noticing Eddie. He couldn't help but notice something familiar about him. He got up and got a better look at him. "You're…"

"Hm?" Eddie inquired before smiling and showing his Flame Knight Ring. "The ring-bearing Wizard." He said and Frank instantly recognized that voice and it was Flame Knight's. "And you're….Red Shinobi, right?" Eddie asked, remembering their last encounter.

"Yeah, my name is Son Goruto Uzumaki but my friends call me Frank." Frank answered.

"Well then, Frank. Call me Eddie." He said before Frank started explaining to them what happened since he and the others got here, from encountering AR Bujin Red Shinobi, being dragged into this war, and watching Negi and Zeke being absorbed by the Inhumanoid.

"No way, Negi and Zeke are…" Meg started.

"I'm sorry but I couldn't save them…" Frank depressingly said.

"So what, you're not fighting anymore?" Eddie asked.

"Like hell I am!" Frank answered. "I saw those two vanish right in front of me! And a bunch of soldiers died trying to protect their lord. One of them died in my arms!" Frank recalled. "But I'm not done fighting, neither of those people would want that. But these battles aren't like the Beat heroes but they fall more into SAO." If he gave up now, then what's the point of their sacrifices?

"David…he said that it was the same as those two." Meg said. "To win, and triumph over everything…or lose everything." She quoted.

"If you lose everything, then you die…like in SAO." Frank recalled, at least he half of what David said was true. In the death game known as SAO, there was only one rule. Which was to fight and win or else you die. "Are these guys really trying to take over that badly!?" Frank asked, curious of Ieyasu's intentions as warlord. "Just what the hell is he thinking anyways!?" He wondered.

Eddie just looked at one of his rings before approaching Frank.

"Sorry to butt in…but I don't think that the lord isn't really trying to take over." Eddie said. From what he heard, Ieyasu didn't look like the type to perform a hostile takeover like David.

"Then why the fight?" Frank asked.

"Maybe he isn't trying to gain something from all this fighting. Maybe he's trying to protect his people, like you." Eddie hypothesized. "Maybe that's his hope."

"And didn't we fight together at one point to help Negi and Zeke, to get them back where all of us belong to?" Meg asked, recalling her time with her husband during the initial stage of Alfheim. "If we can't protect that place or anyone, then who are we? You came back to us when you understood that, right? To protect us?" She asked.

Frank was silent as he remembered the first time he debuted himself as Red Shinobi to the Beat Heroes community. He told himself that the belt was meant protecting people and that he would carry on despite whatever burdens come with it.

"Wanting to protect someone…is the same thing." Eddie pointed out.

Frank was silent as he kept thinking about it but Eddie got closer to him.

"So you don't regret a thing, right? Having the power to protect someone and using it to do so?" Eddie asked. Frank just stared at Eddie while thinking about everything up to now. Was he fighting now for revenge or to protect what he had left?

(At the Tree of the Gods)

The Inhumanoid transferred Bujin Guardian Angel and Iron Brawler into the tree where all the other Bujin were being held.

"There you go!" He said now that all fourteen Bujin Heroes were there. AR Bujin Red Shinobi soon approached the tree.

"We finally have the power of all Bujins in our grasp. The day of obtaining the ultimate power to rule everything comes closer!" He said before being close enough to release a red aura before absorbing the Bujins' power from the tree. AR Bujin Red Shinobi roared as he felt power coursing through his body. "All that's left now is to obtain the Priestess of Fate then after that...I will rule over everything!"

Soon he turned and walked away with the Inhumanoid as the Tree was being burrowed underground. Unknown to them, the original Bujin Red Shinobi and Black were watching from a nearby cliff.

"Brings back old memories?" Black asked while Bujin Red Shinobi just growled.

For Bujin Red Shinobi, everything was going the same back in his original world. He had all fourteen Bujins trapped and all that was left was to obtain the Priestess of Fate but Flame Knight and Red Shinobi stood in his way and denied him his destiny. Just watching this replay was nothing but torture him.

"Let's just leave already." Bujin Red Shinobi said as he opened a Gray Mirror, not even in a mood to open a Crack. "We have to pick up a delivery, remember?"

"You go on without me. I want to see history for myself." Black said but Bujin Red Shinobi could care less about this right now.

"Suit yourself." Bujin Red Shinobi said before he went through and the portal faded. Black just watched the scene with genuine interest since this is a chance to get to know the original Bujin Red Shinobi better considering his past.

Black soon moved to the cliff and onto Ieyasu's territory to see what Red Shinobi and the others are doing.

(In Ieyasu's castle)

Ieyasu was thinking to himself on his throne before Kirito and Kyon approached them. He noticed Frank.

"Tomorrow, the forces of Bujin Black Crow will surround the castle. I'd like to ask for your help again." Ieyasu requested. "Will you fight for us…as our Bujin?"

Frank looked at him as he approached.

"Depends, answer this question I've been having." Frank answered before sitting on the floor in front of the warlord. "Even with all these casualties…why are you trying to conquer the lands here?"

"I do it to protect my people." Ieyasu answered with genuine honesty.

"To protect them? Your people are dying to protect you! There's a contradiction in what you're saying!"

"And what would you have me do?" Ieyasu asked. "If the war won't kill us, then starvation will." He answered as he got up from his seat and looked out the window to see his troops. "There's not enough food for everyone in my territory. The only way to get or trade for more food is to expand our borders. That is our reason for fighting."

"So you don't care about what happens to everyone else!? This is madness!" Frank exclaimed. The man was sacrificing innocent lives just to save what was left. Back in legend war, he wanted to save everyone if he can but this man seems to be making whatever sacrifices that he can make if it means getting the food for his people.

"And you're right!" Ieyasu replied, surprising Frank.

"Huh?"

"Which is why someone needs to unite the nation. Create a world where people can live together in harmony." Ieyasu explained as he went on his seat. Apparently there was more to him than meets the eye, he is forced to participate in the senseless war just to help his people. And he wants to unite the land so no more blood can be shed than there already is.

"And you think you can do that?" Frank asked. Was this guy for real? He just sacrificed all those soldiers but he's doing this to prevent any more from happening.

"I know I can do it." Ieyasu answered. "I will forge a world where weapons are cast aside, and people live in happiness." He then reached onto his side table and pulled out Bujin Flame Knight's Infinity Ring. "After all, I swore this to a friend…" Eddie's eyes widened at the sight of it.

' _Does he mean?'_ Eddie thought.

"That friend died to protect me." Ieyasu explained.

Frank looked at his hero Icon.

' _Having the power to protect…'_ He thought. That was one of the reasons why he became an Ultimate Hero. He'll admit that there were a few times that he had forgotten but now he remembered it in perfect clarity.

"Hey, Lord." Eddie called as he approached him. "Wanna see a magic trick?" He asked as he placed his right hand on his belt.

" **DRIVER ON! PLEASE!"**

"Magic trick?" Ieyasu wondered as Eddie flipped the hand buckle to the left.

Eddie placed his Flame Knight Ring on and flipped the goggles.

"Henshin!"

He placed his hand on it.

" **FLAME! PLEASE! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI!"**

As the chant was going a red magical circle appeared to his left. Eddie places his left arm out as the circle approached him. It soon went through him from left to right leaving Flame Knight.

Ieyasu smiled at the sight of his Bujin and approached him.

"Bujin Flame Knight! You came back!" Ieyasu said in relief.

"I promise you…we'll be the last hope." Flame Knight assured before looking at Frank. Frank looked at them back as he gripped his Hero Icon and nodded.

(The next day)

David and Kuroyukihime were leading their soldiers as they approached Ieyasu's castle. Frank stood guard in front of the castle while Eddie, Ieyasu, and Meg watched from within. Meanwhile, the disappearance of the Tree of the Gods stirred up quite attention.

"Priest! Priest!" A man called as he approached the priest. "You have to see this!" He said as he showed him the hole where the Tree once stood.

"What is this!?" He questioned.

"I don't know!"

Back in Ieyasu's castle, the gates opened in front of Baron's forces and they braced themselves but only Kirito emerged from them. David approached him and they were soon only a couple of feet away from each other.

"Do you really want to do this, David?" Frank asked, testing David's resolve.

"Those who obtain power are tested by how they use it." David answered, meaning he was far from giving up. He then pulled out his Black Crow Icon as he looked around. "I will use this power…to conquer the land." He declared.

"I see." Frank answered. "Then fight me." He proposed.

"Nani?" David asked.

"One-on-one." Frank proposed and the Baron army seemed tensed at that. "You and I are the only ones who need to risk their lives." He explained. "If I lose, the Flame Knight Army will surrender unconditionally. But in exchange, if you lose, you'll help me fight against Bujin Red Shinobi." He proposed.

David thought about it. This was a duel to prove who's stronger as well as who's more worthy to lead the next course of action. David stared at Frank while his forces seemed tense to hear his decision.

"Very well!" He accepted.

"Then let's do this." Frank said before he and David placed on their Omnitrixs. Frank then pulled out his icon.

"Henshin!"

" **RED SHINOBI!"**

Frank did his pose before placing and locking the Icon in his Omnitrix.

" **LOCK ON!"**

David pulled out his Black Crow Icon next.

"Henshin!"

" **BLACK CROW!"**

He twirled the lock in his hands before placing it in his Omnitrix and locking it in.

" **LOCK ON!"**

The Cracks opened and Frank charged for David as he gave him a kick which was blocked. The giant armors followed them as David was about to smack Frank but he dodged it. Frank charged with a punch which was blocked and Kaito used his other arm to punch him away. David ran with another punch but Frank dodged that then kicked him.

Frank was about to send another punch but David blocked it before punching him away. Frank stumbled back but he immediately regained his bearings and sliced his lock.

" **SEIYA!"**

David did the same thing as well.

" **COME ON!"**

The Icons fell down on their heads, donning them in their suits.

" **RED** **SHINOBI! NINJA ON STAGE!"**

" **BLACK CROW! DARK KNIGHT OF SPEAR!"**

The Icons unfolded into armor and their weapons appeared in their hands. They soon started fighting with the Black Crow forces cheering for their leader. In the castle, Meg and Ieyasu were watching with anticipation but Eddie left the room.

Soon Red Shinobi and Black Crow dropped off the bridge to continue their fighting. The two were exchanging blows and slashes with Red Shinobi slashing against Black Crow's chest but he blocked the next one only for him to jab him with his lance. Black Crow soon slashed and jabbed him against a wall but Red Shinobi pulled out his Musou Saber to block the Darkspear.

"I love this era." Black Crow said. "This world hungers for strength! I wish I had been born in a time like this!" He admitted. This world had everything for him; the means of testing strength, a war where he can purge the weak, and a strong force behind him.

"Maybe so but this era isn't ours to live in." Red Shinobi replied before kicking and slashing Black Crow away. Black Crow stumbled back but he got out his other lock.

" **RAZER SMASHER!"**

Red Shinobi did the same thing.

" **TITANUEM SMASHER!"**

They quickly replaced their locks, locked them in, and sliced them, making their default armors disappear.

" **LOCK ON!"**

" **COME ON!"**

" **SEIYA!"**

The Cracks appeared with their icons and dropped down on them.

" **RAZER** **SMASHER! FIGHT OF BLADED HAMMER!"**

" **TITANUEM SMASHER! FUNSAI DESTROY!"**

Their icons unfolded into armor and they received their new weapons. They clashed their weapons together.

"I choose to fight to protect someone!" Red Shinobi said.

"Do you really care about the lord of yours?" Black Crow asked.

"No, I'm fighting to protect you!" Red Shinobi answered as he pointed at Black Crow.

"Protect me?"

"This power we have isn't for hurting people! It's for protecting our friends and where we belong!"

"Don't you dare compare to me a weakling such as yourself?" Black Crow snapped before slicing his ICON.

" **RAZER SMASH!"**

Black Crow was charging his mace and launched his energy mango at Red Shinobi but he also sliced his Lock as well.

" **TITANUEM SQUASH!"**

Red Shinobi leaped in the air dodging the energy mango and kicking the Pine Iron, making it fly into Black Crow's chest, resulting into an explosion with pineapple slices falling out. Black Crow flew to the ground and his armor gave out, reverting back to David.

David turned and was about to get up but Red Shinobi pointed his Musou Saber at him.

"Lord David!" Some of the forces called out and everyone, even Kuroyukihime, was worried about what happened next.

David just started at Red Shinobi.

"I'm putting an end to this worthless fighting. Now, I have your word…so join me!" Red Shinobi said as he offered his hand instead of his sword. David stared at it before smacking it away and getting up on his own. He faced him.

"Just this once…I'll fight with you." He answered. At least, he was a man of his word.

"Fine with me, let's wrap this up then and go back to our world." Red Shinobi said.

Meg seemed relieved while Ieyasu smiled before an earthquake shook.

"What is it now!?" Ieyasu questioned.

Red Shinobi and everyone else felt it as well. Soon tree vines erupted from the ground and started destroying things. Even a part of the bridge, the Black Crow army was on.

"Retreat! Retreat!" Kuroyukhime ordered and everyone did so.

Meanwhile in the caste, tree roots were sprouting everywhere and shaking the whole castle. During the earthquake, Meg stumbled onto a wall and hit her hear, knocking herself out. She fell on the floor and Ieyasu checked on her.

"Lady Meg! Are you okay!? Hey!" He called as he shook her but no response. Soon the tree roots emerged from the castle to form the Tree of the Gods. Red Shinobi and David were running to the castle to make sure everything was alright. But they soon stopped themselves when AR Bujin Red Shinobi was in their path.

"Hand over the Priestess of Fate." AR Bujin Red Shinobi demanded.

"Priestess of Fate?" Red Shinobi wondered as he got his swords ready.

"The woman in the castle."

"I see, so you were the one after Meg!" Red Shinobi exclaimed.

"After defeating all the Bujins and taking the Priestess of Fate, this land will finally be mine to rule!" AR Bujin Red Shinobi announced. "I must have her, no matter the cost."

"Well too bad, you can't have her!" Red Shinobi said as he charged with his Musou Saber. David got his Black Crow Icon.

" **BLACK CROW!"**

He ran and quickly locked it in the Driver before slicing it.

" **LOCK ON!"**

" **COME ON!"**

The fruit dropped down on him, turned him into Black Crow, and began to unfold.

" **BLACK CROW! DARK KNIGHT OF SPEAR!"**

Black Crow charged and the two started fighting the Dark Hero but AR Bujin Red Shinobi was quick to dodge before jabbing Red Shinobi and blocking Black Crow. Red Shinobi was going to charge but the Nepenthes Inhumanoid stepped in and Red Shinobi backed away during its attempt to slash him with its claws.

While fighting, the monster got shot in the back and they all turned to see Eddie with his Driver on while holding his Knight Sword.

"This time I'll be taking her back…you little green pig." Eddie said before tilting the buckle to his left side. It soon started signing.

" **SHABADOOBIE TOUCH TO HENSHIN!"**

" **SHABADOOBIE TOUCH TO HENSHIN!"**

" **SHABADOOBIE TOUCH TO HENSHIN!"**

"Henshin!" Eddie said as he flipped the goggles of his Flame Knight Ring down. He brought his hand to the one on the belt.

" **FLAME KNIGHT! PLEASE! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI!"**

As the chant was going a red magical circle appeared to his left. Eddie places his left arm out as the circle approached him. It soon went through him from left to right leaving Flame Knight.

Flame Knight transformed his Dagger into a sword and charged into the fight. The three managed to bring the two outside the castle where the fight continued. Red Shinobi and Flame Knight were engaging AR Bujin Red Shinobi while Black Crow was handling the Inhumanoid.

Black Crow and Flame Knight soon switched enemies before Flame Knight got the Inhumanoid off guard but it stepped back as he charged. For Red Shinobi and Black Crow, their fight was difficult to say the least. Soon AR Bujin Red Shinobi blocked both of their attacks before slashing them both, making them fall to the ground.

Nearby, Black was watching from a nearby tree and had an interested look underneath his hood. AR Bujin Red Shinobi laughed at them and was about to charge but at the last second, Iron Baby appeared and blocked the attack before slashing AR Bujin Red Shinobi away.

"Iron Baby!?" Red Shinobi recognized while Black Crow was just surprised that there was another Kamen Rider from their world that works outside the Beat Heroes besides Oren. Iron Baby didn't look back but he started speaking to them.

"Be quiet and listen…I'll take care of him. You two, rescue the others that he captured." Iron Baby said, surprisingly knowing the situation.

"How did you-?" Red Shinobi asked.

"It didn't take that long to realize it." Iron Baby answered before charging at AR Bujin Red Shinobi.

Black Crow stood up while Red Shinobi questioned why the mysterious Iron Baby was here or why he was helping them. But right now wasn't the time to be picky, Red Shinobi stood and ran with Black Crow to assist Flame Knight.

Flame Knight slashed the Inhumanoid a few times while dodging its claws. It was going well until the Inhumanoid got him by the leg, making him fall on the slope he was on. Before the Inhumanoid can do anything else, both Red Shinobi and Black Crow appeared before slashing it and kicking it away.

Red Shinobi turned and saw Flame Knight struggling to get up.

"Flame Knight!" Red Shinobi called before running to the edge and offered his hand. Flame Knight took it as Red Shinobi helped him up.

"Thank you." He said.

"Let's do this!" Red Shinobi said.

"Right!" Flame Knight said and Black Crow nodded before they all charged.

The Inhumanoid looked at the three before firing at them but they ran despite all that. When they were close enough, Red Shinobi landed the first slash followed by Wizard then Black Crow. Red Shinobi soon ran up to the Inhumanoid and slashed it twice.

The Inhumanoid stumbled back as its body was sparking and its chest looked like it was about to burst open. It did and Negi, Zeke, and one other boy were ejected from it as it and the boys fell on the floor.

"I'm finally free? Oh man, that really sucked…" The newcomer said. "I thought I was about to be digested!"

Negi and Zeke got up and ran to Red Shinobi while the newcomer ran to Flame Knight.

"Frank, you saved us!" Zeke said.

"Zeke!" Red Shinobi smiled underneath his mask as he patted his shoulder. Negi then ran up and hugged him.

"I didn't doubt it for a second. I knew you'd free us." Negi said lovingly. Red Shinobi had tears of happiness underneath his helmet as he hugged his bro back.

"What a relief! You guys are alright?"

Negi and Zeke both nodded. Meanwhile AR Bujin Red Shinobi slashed Iron Baby but Iron Baby tried his best to endure it. The two placed their Musou Sabers against each other's chests and slashed each other away. AR Bujin Red Shinobi stepped back before retreating to the village while Iron Baby flew to the other heroes.

Fearing that it might be her brother underneath that armor, Zeke hide behind Red Shinobi, Negi, and Black Crow. Iron Baby looked and saw everyone except Zeke who was hidden. He looked at Red Shinobi.

"I see you guys have everything under control." Iron Baby said.

Red Shinobi nodded while Negi broke the hug and looked at Zeke.

"Time to get some payback, right?" Negi asked.

Zeke just nodded while Flame Knight looked at his rival/friend.

"Axel, these are-." Wizard started but Axel raised her hand.

"Don't say it. They're my lunch, right?" he asked with a smile as he placed his hand on his belt.

" **DRIVER ON!"**

The hawk Driver appeared around her waist.

"I don't think these guys are edible." Flame Knight plainly stated.

Both Negi and Zeke got their locks out.

"Henshin!"

" **MAGISTER MAGI!"**

" **STORM ARROW!**

"Heeennn…" Axel started as he raised his left arm in the air, he then raised his right arm, at the same time bringing his left arm down, and he then moved them around clockwise until his arms crossed. "-shin!" he finished as he brought both arms to his right side, with his left below on arc position, his right above in an arc position, he then stood up, and raised his left arm to punch his ring into the left slot of his Driver.

Negi and Zeke placed in their Icons into their Omnitrixs and locked them in.

" **SET!"**

" **LOCK ON!"**

Axel twisted the slot, opening his Driver while both Negi and Zeke sliced their lcons.

" **OPEN!"**

" **COME ON!"**

" **HAI!"**

For Negi and Zeke, their fruits landed on their heads, donning them in the armors. For A, the lion face on her driver had red glowing eyes before releasing magical golden circle.

" **H-A-W-K! HUNTER!"**

" **RASPBERRY ARMS! PIERCING MAGNIFICENT BEAUTY!"**

" **STORM ARROW!** **BA-BA-BANG! BANG-BA-BANG! (YOW!) BANG BANG SHOOTING! GO!"**

The magical circle went to and through axel, with his coming out as Hawk Hunter. For the other boys, the Icons unfolded revealing their helmets and their weapons appeared in their hands.

"Let's go!" Hawk Hunter said.

"Come on, I know where he's going!" Red Shinobi said as he led the group into the village. Black soon summoned a Crack and walked through it, allowing history to take its course.

(In the village)

AR Bujin Red Shinobi was running to the castle, hoping that he could get to the Priestess in time but soon he looked at the wall in front of him to see the Riders lined up on top of it, with Hawk Hunter, Flame Knight, Red Shinobi, Magister Magi, Storm Arrow, Black Crow and Iron Baby from left to right. They all looked at AR Bujin Red Shinobi and were ready for a fight.

"Hmph." AR Bujin Red Shinobi scoffed before putting his Daidaimaru in his other hand before withdrawing his Musou Saber. "So be it, I'll take you all on!"

"Let's do this!" Red Shinobi said before he and Flame Knight jumped down and charged. AR Bujin Red Shinobi tried to hold his ground but the two ran past him, each giving him a slash on the chest. AR Bujin Red Shinobi soon pushed them back with his swords to avoid any more damage.

Next to jump down was Iron Baby and Storm Arrrow who fired their guns directly at AR Bujin Red Shinobi's chest making sparks fly. Then Magister Magi, Black Crow, and Hawk Hunter jumped next with each managing to jab AR Bujin Red Shinobi's armor before being pushed back as well.

AR Bujin Red Shinobi looked around to see that he was surrounded.

"So it's comes to this…" He said, seeing the resistance that they were all putting up. He combined his swords together and took his lock out.

" **LOCK OFF!"**

He then placed it in his sword.

" **LOCK ON!"**

" **1-0-0-0-0!"**

" **BLOOD SHINOBI CHARGE!"**

He swung in a full circle with his red glowing blade, looking like a blood orange slice and slashing all the Riders. AR Bujin Red Shinobi took advantage of this by jumping to the castle wall then onto a roof before breaking into a window.

"Damn it, Meg and Lord Ieyasu are still there!" Red Shinobi remembered. "Flame Knight, come!" Red Shinobi said before the Inhumanoid appeared and was about to intervene but Magister Magi and Storm Arrow pinned it down.

They managed to bring it away from them before it shook the girls off. Soon Beast and Magister Magi grabbed it next.

"We'll take care of things from here!" Hawk Hunter assured.

"Hurry and go before he lays a hand on them!" Magister Magi advised.

"Right!" Red Shinobi said before he and Flame Knight took off. "Thank you!"

Soon after that, Iron Baby, Storm Arrow and Black Crow joined in on the fight.

(Inside the castle)

Ieyasu was still shaking the unconscious Meg.

"Lady Megan! Hang in there!" Ieyasu assured before the roof fell apart with AR Bujin Red Shinobi coming out of it.

"Give the Priestess of Fate to me." AR Bujin Red Shinobi demanded.

Obviously, Ieyasu didn't comply and instead went for his throne where he got out a sheathed katana and pulled it out.

"What kind of person would I be if I just did what I was told?" Ieyasu said before trying to slash AR Bujin Red Shinobi but he just grabbed the katana's blade, kicked Ieyasu down, and tossed it aside.

AR Bujin got his naginata ready and pointed it at Ieyasu.

"What a nuisance….now, die!" He said.

Unknown to them, a silver bullet flew into the room, flew around the tree roots, and turned at AR Bujin Red Shinobi before impacting on his chest. AR Bujin Red Shinobi stumbled back before Red Shinobi and Flame Knight entered the room. Red Shinobi looked at the unconscious Meg.

"Meg!"

The two charged and started their swordfight but Red Shinobi looked down at his sibling and Flame Knight noticed. AR Bujin Red Shinobi struck at Red Shinobi but Flame Knight got in between them and blocked it before pushing the fight somewhere else in the room. Red Shinobi looked at Meg before shaking her.

"Meg! Meg! Are you alright!?" He asked.

"Don't worry, she's just unconscious." Ieyasu assured before the two noticed Flame Knight having a hard time.

AR Bujin Red Shinobi slashed him twice and Flame Knight tried defending himself with his sword but he just sent another slash which disarmed him.

"Disappear!" AR Bujin Red Shinobi said before trying to plunge his blade into Flame Knight but Red Shinobi loaded his Musou Saber and fired at AR Bujin Red Shinobi. The shots were a direct hit and he stumbled back, saving Flame Knight's life.

Ieyasu got in front of Red Shinobi and held something before looking at Flame Knight.

"Flame Knight, use this!" Ieyasu said before throwing that thing.

Flame Knight caught it, looked at it, and his eyes widened at the sight of it.

"The Infinity Ring!?" Flame Knight said before looking at Ieyasu. "Thanks, I think I will." Wizard said before getting up, placing the ring on his left hand, tilting the buckle to the left, and scanning the ring.

" **INFINITY! PLEASE! HI! SUI! FU! DO! BOU! ZABA! BYU! DOGON!"**

As that was being chanted, a small crystallized version of Flame Dragon emerged and flew around Flame Knight as a light blue magical circle appeared at Flame Knight's feet and moved through him. As it moved through him, Flame Dragon merged with him and Flame Knight was encased in a diamond statue before it broke down, revealing Flame Knight's Infinity Form and the Flame Dragon in its AxCalibur.

Flame Knight then charged and stood a better chance now at fighting AR Bujin Gaim. He was easily blocking the attacks and when AR Bujin Red Shinobi managed to land a strike, Flame Knight's diamond-thick armor shielded Wizard from the impact.

Flame Knight just took the blade off him before slashing AR Bujin Red Shinobi a few times. As they were fighting, Red Shinobi got Meg in his arms and passed her to Ieyasu.

"Please, get her somewhere safe!" Red Shinobi said.

Ieyasu nodded and exited the room before Red Shinobi joined Flame Knight in fighting AR Bujin Red Shinobi. Red Shinobi blocked an oncoming hit heading for Flame Knight. Red Shinobi pushed the naginata away before both he and Flame Knight passed him, slashing AR Bujin Red Shinobi's side. They turned around and kicked him down.

AR Bujin Red Shinobi looked at them as he got up. It was obvious that he had a pissed off look underneath his helmet.

"You buzzing little insects!" He said angrily as he got up. "I'll show you true power!" He said as he opened a rift in the Tree and jumped into it. The rift closed but some light is still visible.

"What is he doing!?" Red Shinobi said and Flame Knight wondered the same thing.

Just then a rocking tune which sounds like the tune from Akira and Oren's Driver was made as the light traveled up the tree. That light soon sprouted into a branch with a closed glowing lotus. The tune stopped as the flower opened, revealing AR Bujin Red Shinobi's upper half.

" **BLOOD RED SHINOBI! DARK NINJA ON STAGE!"**

Red electricity was surrounding AR Bujin Red Shinobi and he was embracing.

"This world is mine!" He declared as he felt the surge of power coursing within him.

(In the fields)

The Inhumanoid has just thrown Storm Arrow at Magister Magi before Iron Baby and Black Crow tried to slash it only their attacks to be blocked. The boys got up and they were about to charge too but Hawk Hunter looked at the castle.

"Guys, look! The castle! It's going bananas!" Hawk Hunter pointed and everyone looked but Black Crow gave him a quick glare before looking as well.

"What!?" Magister Magi responded at the sight.

The Tree of the Gods soon launched giant seeds at them and when they landed, they transformed into Kajins. They all looked at the heroes and started approaching them but they weren't afraid.

"Now this is what I call a buffet!" Hawk Hunter cheered as she and the others charged.

"Bring it on!" Black Crow exclaimed.

Inside the castle

Red Shinobi and Flame Knight were having much more trouble with AR Bujin Red Shinobi's Lotus form. It spun around and slashed them. It spun and slashed them again before moving back. Red Shinobi and Flame Knight tried charging but the vines around the lotus kept punching at them.

As they tried to get up from the ground, they noticed lotus petals floating in the air.

"What the hell?" Flame Knight said.

"This is punishment for underestimating my power!" AR Bujin Red Shinobi said before making the petals explode.

The two Heroes were thrown out the window and landed in the field where the others were. They all looked.

"Nani!?" Black Crow exclaimed.

"Frank!" Magister Magi recognized.

"Eddie!" Hawk Hunter recognized as the other two got up.

"You alright?" Flame Knight asked.

"I've been through worse, besides I can still fight!" Red Shinobi answered as he prepared his two swords and he and Flame Knight joined the others in fighting the Kajins.

Red Shinobi rushed to Magister Magi, who fired his energy blast at a monster in front of him.

"Negi!" Red Shinobi said as he lashed a monster heading for his back.

The two then focused on helping Baron while the Iron Baby and Storm Arrow were fighting alongside each other. Storm Arrow had a smile underneath his mask because if Iron Baby is his brother's Bro then he's grateful for fighting with him as allies instead of enemies.

Flame Knight slashed a few of the Kajins as Hawk Hunter joined him.

"Alright people-." Hawk Hunter started.

"Don't say it." Flame Knight finished before the two resumed fighting.

Red Shinobi slashed and shot a monster away before finding the Inhumanoid. It tried to claw itself at him but Red Shinobi dodged it before slashing the Inhumanoid a couple of times. It flew and rolled on the ground before getting up with the Kajins regrouping around him.

The Riders regrouped as well and were prepared for more fighting but the blonde 'Meg' appeared in front of them.

"You!" Red Shinobi recognized as well as a few of the others.

'Meg' stopped in her tracks and looked at the Heroes.

" _There is something you must all do."_ 'Meg' said.

AR Bujin Red Shinobi looked down and recognized her.

"The Priestess of Fate!"

The Priestess ignored him and continued speaking.

" _If you accept that fate…then take this fruit."_ She said before her skin glowed green and her eye glowed red.

"Icons?" Red Shinobi wondered.

She walked past them, and vines grew from the path she walked. Those vines grew and instantly bloomed with Hero Icons.

"Hey can we eat that?" Hawk Hunter asked, sensing the magical energy from it.

"Just shut up and watch." Flame Knight answered.

Red Shinobi ran up to a vine and plucked a fruit, hoping to get a better weapon but what he didn't expect was that he felt something resonating with the fruit. He went into his pocket and pulled out Bujin Flame Knight's ring which was glowing with the fruit.

The other OC-themed Heroes were surprised at this. Iron Baby stepped forward.

"What is that?" He wondered before pulling out Bujin Machine Patriot's Iron Memory. He then had an idea of what's going on. "I see…" he said before tossing Storm Arrow the Iron Memory.

Storm Arrow looked at it while Black Crow took out the _Wild Savage_ Medal and Magister Magi pulled out the _White Magician_ Ace Card.

"Everyone, take a icon!" Iron Baby said as he pulled out the Iron Brawler Astroswitch. They all walked up to the vines and each plucked a fruit with their items resonating as well. The Priestess looked back at them.

" _If that power chooses you…you will be able to survive."_ The Priestess said.

To everyone's surprise, their items merged with the fruits resulting in hero-themed Icons. Red Shinobi received the Flame Knight Icon, Magister Magi got a White Magician Icon, Storm Arrow with Machine Patriot, Black Crow with _Wild Savage_ , and Iron Baby with Iron Brawler.

Red Shinobi looked at the others.

"Let's use them!"

They all nodded in agreement before opening their new locks.

" **FLAME KNIGHT!"**

" **WHITE MAGICIAN!"**

" **MACHINE PATRIOT!"**

" **WILD SAVAGE!"**

" **IRON BRAWLER!"**

Five Cracks opened simultaneously but instead of ICON coming out, there were giant Hero helmets.

"Hey, Eddie! I always said you have a big head!" Hawk Hunter joked as she pointed at giant Flame Knight head above Red Shinobi.

"Uh, yeah…" Flame Knight said, a little crept out at seeing a giant version of his head.

They replaced their default suits with them before locking them.

" **LOCK ON!"**

They then sliced them with the upper half looking like the belts of those Riders on the locks while the bottom were the pictures of their fused items.

" **SEIYA!"**

" **COME ON!"**

" **HAI!"**

The giant Rider helmets flew down and landed on their respective users. The helmets soon started to unfold into armor.

" **IRON BRAWLER! JETS SWITCH ON!"**

For Iron baby, a space like tune played as a metallic circle appeared overhead, light shining down on him, and smoke coming out as the Iron Brawler helmet started unfolding. The bottom sides folded into shoulder pads, the upper face and back folded to Iron Baby's back, the faceplate held a chestplate portion which was similar to Iron Brawler's then folded onto Iron Baby's chest, and Iron baby's new helmet was a rock-themed one like Iron Brawler and he had orange eyes. And soon his shield was replaced with Iron Brawler's Rocket Module. This was Iron Baby's Iron Brawler states.

" **WILD SAVAGE! WEREWOLF ENTER THE BRAWL!"**

For Black Crow, images of three Lunar Symbols appeared. New moon was on the top, crescent moon in the middle, and full moon was at the bottom. The sides of the helmet folded into shoulder pads, the upper face and back of the helmet folded onto Black Crow's backside, and the faceplate also held a chest portion. It folded onto Black Crow's chest and the three images then combined into one large crest which flew backwards and into his chest. His new helmet was similar to the one that landed on him and gave him green eyes. In his hands, Medajalibur appeared. This was Black Crow's Wild Savage States.

" **MACHINE PATRIOT! GUNS AND CANNONS! HA, HA, HA!"**

For Storm Arrow, he was in a small tornado while the War Machine and Iron Patriot Memory themes played. The eyes and rear of the giant helmet folded to his back, the sides folded onto shoulder pads, the faceplate held a chestplate, which was green on the right and black on the left, folded onto Storm Arrow's chest. His mask was rather plain looking but it was green on the right side and black on the left and it made his right eye green and purple on the other. The Trigger Magnum soon appeared in his hand. This was Storm Arrow's Machine Patriot States.

" **WHITE MAGICIAN! LET'S GOING WHITE MAGE OF FANTASY!"**

For Magister Magi, a big blue rectangle with the Change Ace symbol appeared and went through her as the giant helmet unfolded. The sides of the helmet unfolded with the upper part of helmet and the back fold onto Magister Magi's back, and faceplate folded with a chestplate attached to Magister Magi's front. His new mask had face with blue compound eyes and a silver hat, emulating magic. In his hand was the staff. This was Magister Magi's White Magician States.

" **FLAME KNIGHT! ULTIMATE HEROES SHOWTIME!"**

For Red Shinobi, a magic circle appeared from the right and went through him side-to-side. The eyes of the giant Flame Knight helmet folded into shoulder pads, the top folded onto the back, and the faceplate with a chestplate attached folded onto Red Shinobi's chest. Red Shinobi received a helmet similar to Flame Knight's and his visor was ruby red with silver markings. He then received the Flame Knight Sword. This was Red Shinobi's Flame Knight States.

Their armors became completely folded and they all gave poses that their Legendary Heroes on their icons would.

"How cool is this?! Legendary Heroes!" Hawk Hunter exclaimed.

"Our time to join them." Flame Knight said.

"Right!" Hawk Hunter nodded before he and Flame Knight got new rings and placed them on. Flame Knight tilted his buckle and scanned his ring while Hawk Hunter punched hers in.

" **VERY NICE! FINISH STRIKE!"**

" **HYPER! GO!"**

Two golden magical circles went through the two mages as their Inner beast emerged and fused with them.

" **FABULOUS!"**

" **HY-HY-HY-HYPER!"**

For Flame Knight, his armor was golden and had Flames Dragon's claws, wings, tails, and its head sticking out while Hawk Hunter went into her Hyper form with the Mirage Magnum in her hands. The Priestess then walked away from the scene but knowing that they can succeed in stopping AR Bujin Red Shinobi.

Red Shinobi turned and looked at the Tree of the Gods.

"Let's go." Flame Knight said as he joined him.

"This is our last battle in this world." Red Shinobi said.

"Saa, showtime!" Both Red Shinobi and Flame Knight said as Hawk Hunter came in between them and patted Red Shinobi's shoulder.

"Right, it's showtime! Right, Eddie?" he said.

"Wrong guy." Red Shinobi replied as he pointed at the real Flame Knight.

"Oh uh, sorry, Eddie."

"You did that on purpose." Flame Knight plainly stated.

The Inhumanoid and its forces charged while Black Crow grabbed Hawk Hunter.

"Hey, let's go!" Black Crow said and Hawk Hunter nodded.

"You don't have to tell me twice!" Hawk Hunter said as he and the others charged.

Red Shinobi opened his new Dandeliner Lockseed and threw it, making it transform into a hover bike. Red Shinobi got on and he revved the engines.

"Alright!" Red Shinobi said before he and Flame Knight took to the skies.

Red Shinobi took out his Flame Knight SwordGun and fired while Flame Knight fired from Flame Dragon's head. Red Shinobi's silver bullets were moving through the vines before getting caught in Flame Dragon's flaming breath, igniting them. The flaming bullets and the flaming breath both caught the tree on fire, hurting AR Bujin Red Shinobi.

AR Bujin Red Shinobi tried holding it together before firing vines at the two. They both flew around, dodging them while firing but Red Shinobi also fired the Dandeliner's energy beam as well.

Meanwhile down below, Storm Arrow just kicked a Kajin away, kneed another one, and tossing one more away before more went to cover it before he shot at them. he flickered his left wrist before pointing it at the them.

"Saa, omae no tsumi o kazoero!" he said before closing the Trigger Magnum.

 **"BRAWLER** **TRIGGER! MAXIMUM DRIVE!"**

He charged into the group of Kajin before kicking one away, elbowing another, and punching one more away. He aimed her gun and fired burst rounds at a Kajin before firing at another, he then spun in a circle and fired, destroying them.

Black Crow slashed a few Kajin away and got a few Cell Medals out.

"Take this." Black Crow said before putting the Medals in his sword and it started glowing.

"See-yah!" Black Crow said as he sent a couple of energy slashes which not only left a mark on the monster but also on the background as well. And while the background repaired itself, the monsters exploded.

Iron Baby did Fourze's pose.

"Uchu kit-!"

That was when he stopped himself.

"And that's as much as I'll humor it." Iron Baby said before taking off into the air and flying down at them. He rammed the Rocket Module through the group, making them explode.

Magister Magi slashed Kajin before stabbing one coming from behind with her Blay Rouzer. He then impaled his blade into another monster before taking it out and looking at the group of Kajins in front of him.

"Time to finish this!"

He said before his sword started glowing electricity. He then sent an electric blue energy slash at the group, destroying them.

" **HYPER MAGNUM STRIKE!"**

Hawk Hunter aimed his gun and pulled the trigger, releasing a flaming Machine Dragon and ramming at them, making them explode.

Soon the Inhumanoid was left and the Riders regrouped before looking at it.

"Time for some payback, you leafy-looking clown!" Hawk Hunter said before she and the other jumped into the air and did their hero Kicks, destroying the Inhumanoid in a fiery explosion.

In the village

While Ieyasu and a few of his men were watching the battle in the sky, Meg stirred a bit before waking up. Ieyasu noticed and went to her side.

"Lady Megan! Are you okay?" Ieyasu asked.

Meg nodded and looked around before looking up to see Red Shinobi and Wizard trying to burn down the tree.

Red Shinobi and Flame Knight were still flying around, avoiding the sprouting roots, and kept trying to burn down the tree.

"Let's charge it!" Red Shinobi said.

"We'll finish this!" Flame Knight said before the two charged to finish AR Bujin Red Shinobi.

"No, this world is mine!" AR Bujin Red Shinobi said, now irritated at their attempts to kill him. Before their charges can have impact, AR Bujin Red Shinobi managed to split the tree open.

"What!?" Both Red Shinobi and Flame Knight exclaimed before the tree emerged on them.

"Frank!" Meg exclaimed in shock.

The Heroes in the field saw it and were shocked as well.

"Eddie!"

"Frank!" Aura called out.

(Inside the tree)

Both Red Shinobi and Flame Knight were on their default forms and knocked out. But soon a new voice was heard.

"Awaken, Bujins from another world."

Red Shinobi and Flame Knight woke up and look to see all fourteen Bujin Heroes around them.

"The Bujins that were taken?" Red Shinobi recognized.

"We grant you this gift." Bujin Flame Knight said.

"Take our power!" Bujin Iron Brawler continued.

"Our wish…" Bujin _Wild Savage_ continued.

"A world where people can live in peace…" Bujin Pink Arrow finished. They weren't done, not yet and they still want their power to help the defenseless by any means necessary.

"Take the power of the Bujin Heroes!" All the Bujin Riders said before their symbols appeared in front of them. They then flew with their hero Kicks and were heading for Red Shinobi and Flame Knight. They braced themselves but the Bujins dissolved into green energy on impact which flew into Red Shinobi and Flame Knight's hands.

They just sacrificed themselves to give Red Shinobi and Flame Knight the power they need to stop AR Bujin Red Shinobi once and for all. And they weren't going to put it to waste.

"Thank you, we'll make good use out of this." Red Shinobi said.

"Ditto." Flame Knight agreed.

(Outside)

AR Bujin Red Shinobi felt pain from with until a part of the tree exploded with Red Shinobi in Blasterate Amor and Flame Knight on Flame Dragon flying out. Everyone rejoiced and were relieved that they were alright.

"Eddie!" Hawk Hunter recognized.

"Frank!" Negi recognized as well.

The two Heroes stopped and faced the tree before ejecting. The Blasterate mech went into Odama Mode while Flame Dragon went into its Strike Phase.

Flame Knight tilted his belt twice before scanning his ring.

" **VERY NICE! KICK STRIKE! FABULOUS!"**

The Flame Dragon projected a huge image of Flame Knight while the mechanical watermelon flew in the air for the giant projection to kick it like a soccer ball. It flew into the tree despite the resistance and made a huge hole, weakening the structure.

AR Bujin Red Shinobi tried firing his lotus petals when he sees Flame Knight and Red Shinobi coming at him with their Rider Kicks but it was too late. Soon their kicks impacted AR Bujin Red Shinobi's chest making him scream in agony before exploding.

The impact brought the tree down, before the stump emitted tons of water. It soon started to rain as Flame Knight and Red Shinobi landed.

"It's raining! It's raining!" Red Shinobi cheered, remembering Ieyasu's story.

"Phew…" Flame Knight said.

Meanwhile, everybody was rejoicing and the Baron forces were throwing down their arms in rejoices.

"It's raining…it's finally raining!" Kuroyukihime rejoiced as well as her comrades.

Red Shinobi and Flame Knight shook hands while all the Heroes, except Iron Baby who just walked away, met up.

(Later)

The rain cleared up and everyone was looking at the scenic beauty over the hills. David was even with them because everything was at peace now, there was no reason for him to remain.

"The world is overflowing with hope. Look." Eddie pointed out. "You saved this world."

Frank shook his head.

"No, we did it with our power." He clarified.

Eddie nodded until…

"Come on, chew properly!" Axel said.

They all looked to see her carrying a huge basket loaded with Mystic fruits and that he was talking to his belt.

"Come on! You want some more? Okay!" Axel said, weirding a lot of people out. Eddie decided to look into this as he walked up to her.

"What are you doing?" He asked before pointing at the basket. "What's with that?"

"Oh, Chimera seems to like the stuff. He says that he'll eat these fruits from now on instead of mana."

"Seriously!?" Eddie said, surprised by Axel's decision.

"Seriously." Axel answered.

Zeke examined the Blood Red Shinobi ICON that they found before opening it.

 **(Play Teppen Star by Hitomi)**

Zeke looked to see a ribbon-themed Crack open, revealing Neo Earth. He smiled as he looked at the others.

"Guys, let's head home." he said.

Everyone looked back and Negi patted him on the back while Frank smiled.

"I suppose we should go back as well." Eddie said as he walked next to axel with a new ring on.

They waved goodbye and everyone, except for David, waved back. Eddie placed his hand on the belt.

" **TELEPORT! PLEASE!"**

A magical circle appeared and went through them, making them vanish. The new leader of the nation, Ieyasu, looked out the window and see everyone leaving.

"Goodbye…Bujin heroes from another world." He said before getting ready to change this world for the better.

(In Neo Earth)

Everyone looked around and saw another Crack back to Quahog. They saw the stage they were on and saw the other heroes there.

" **It's time for the final stage!"** DJ Sagara announced as the heroes got out their icons. **"All the Heroes are going to face off to see who's deserves to be at the top! Which Ultimate Hero is it going to be!? This battle is going to be a hot one! Now which Hero will reign supreme!?"**

Everyone outside had a surprised look.

"What the!? They're continuing this without us!" Meg exclaimed.

"And while we were gone!?" negi exclaimed as well.

"This is ridiculous." Frank said, it's not a real battle royale without all the heroes.

They all ran to the Crack while Stewie was looking at the group from afar but didn't get a good look on Frank. Meanwhile, MC Cindy, Hagoromo Uzumaki Mallque, and Jessica. Cindy gave Stewie a red device and Stewie took it before examining it.

Stewie recognized it before putting it on his waist, making a silver belt come out and wrapping itself around his waist. The four all took out Icon but they have clear casings. Stewie's was still Iron baby, Cindy had Iron Brawler, Hagoromo had Sage of Sixth paths, and Jessica had _Machine_ Patriot.

Nearby, Bujin Red Shinobi and black were watching as well but they had Genesis Cores along with the Icons that had clear casings as well. Bujin Red Shinobi held Kage one while Malus had dark.

(In the arena)

The five ran out of the Crack, surprising everyone.

" **Whoa! The missing Red Shinobi, Aura, Baron, and Ryugen make their first appearance after taking off!"** Sagara noted.

Teams Red Shinobi and Baron were surprised and relieved that their teammates were okay as well as Peter, Lois, John, Tyler and Persephone were just plainly surprised.

" **Now, that's a nice surprise! And the audience is white hot after the unscheduled appearance of these other Ultimate Heroes!"** The DJ noted at the crowd was cheering immensely for their favorite Heroes. **"Ok, are you ready? Ride the beat, heroes!"**

Frank, Negi, Zeke and David ran to the arena with their Omnitrixs on and their Icons out with only one word on their minds…

"Henshin!"

 **End Song**

 **AN: I wanted to place an side chapter but I just feel that I should end it off here along with putting off this part two chapter for a while to update or publish some other stories that I have in mind. Anyways, be sure to review or message me for any questions, comments, or concerns. And don't be afraid to look at my other stories.**


	7. Chapter 34: Death Lives

**Chapter 34: Death Lives**

 **Opening Credits**

 _It seems today that all ya see_

 _Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

 _But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

 _On which we used to rely_

 _Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

 _Lucky there's a man who_

 _Positively can do_

 _All the things that make us_

 _Laugh n' Cry_

 _He's_

 _a_

 _Fam_

 _-ily_

 _Guy!_

 **End**

We join the Mallque/Griffin family watch television of TV show skit.

Now Family Guy presents a semi educational moment, everyday French with Pierre escargot!

Featured Frank G Mallque Jr, sitting in a bathtub filled with suds, wearing a rain coat and matching hat and swimfins on his feet. In the sketch, Frank G Mallque Jr as Pierre Escargot would take a break from whatever he is doing (like playing an accordion or pretending to drive a car), say silly phrases in badly-pronounced French, and then translate them in English.

"Hé, arrêter de lécher mon kangourou! Hey, stop licking my kangaroo!"Pierre said while laughing.

"Embrasse-moi sous l'arbre de Bologne. Kiss me under the bologna tree." Pierre said while laughing.

"Puis-je faire une sieste dans le nez? May I take a nap in your nose?" Pierre said while laughing.

"Comme l'yogourt, j'ai des fruits sur mon fond. Like yogurt, I have fruit on my bottom." Pierre said while laughing.

"Je n'ai pas douchés en 36 jours. I have not showered in 36 days." Pierre said while laughing.

"Hé, pourquoi vos fesses parle? Hey, why is your butt talking?" Pierre said while laughing. Now back to our pre scheduled program.

News bulletin music

"A tragic accident today in the North Providence area. A family of four lost their lives when their minivan swerved off the road and into a ravine, exploding on impact." Diane Simmons said.

While Tom Tucker was snickering about something.

"Do you find this funny, Tom?" Diane Simmons said as she annoyed.

"No, no, no. I was remembering, I accidentally put my shirt on inside out this morning. It's fine now, though. So, so, what were you saying? A fashion show?" Tom Tucker said as he is trying to excuses himself.

Now back to the family.

"Meg, Chris, John and Tyler turn the TV off. We gotta find an anniversary gift for Mom and Dad." Persephone said as she brought her shopping magazine.

"Don't look! We're shopping! We're shopping!" Chris said as he try to hide the magazine from Lois.

"Yeah, grandma! We are looking for shit dang!" Frank Jr said like a gangster.

"Oh, kids, you don't need to do anything special for our anniversary. Just your father." Lois said.

"I hope he doesn't wait and get your gift at the last minute again." Meg said.

 **Cutaway**

Lois is sitting at the kitchen as Peter gives her a present.

"My goodness! A human thumb. Where did you ever find this?" Lois wondered.

"It was on eBay. (vomits) Oh, God! Call an ambulance!" Peter puked as his right hand is covered with blood.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"This year, instead of exchanging gifts, I told him it would be nice if we could just spend a romantic day together." Lois said.

"Oh, dear! I think we all know what that means." Stewie said while imitating spring.

"Gross." Frank Jr said.

Meanwhile at the drunken clam while Cheery instrumental music was playing in the background. Frank, peter and the gang were drink until Quagmire comes in.

"Hey, fellas! Guess what? I got us a tee time tomorrow at Barrington Country Club." Quagmire said as he take his seat.

"Barrington? Wow!" Cleveland and Menma said in surprised tone.

"I'm in." Peter said as he getting ready for tomorrow.

"Uh, Peter, tomorrow's your anniversary." Brian said throwing off peter buzz.

"Aw, crap! If Mom finds out that you ditching her to play golf, she'll hit you with a frying pan." Frank said.

"Which is why I'm gonna drink this frying-pan antidote." Peter said as he take out a green fill veil that contains the frying-pan antidote. He drinks the antidote as he pass Frank, the frying pan to his hand.

"All right, hit me with this." Peter said as Frank hits him with said Frying pan.

"Didn't work." Peter said as he faints fall to the ground as the table breaks with him.

As Birds singing at the Mallque/Griffin House, Peter wakes up from bed as he takes Frank Jr from Lois embrace to wake up John, tyler and Frank to help make a in bead breakfast. Then he returns with a tray of breakfast cereal with a note, so he sends Lois on a scavenger hunt to stall his family. As he leave Lois move the covers as she hears tray fall.

"What the hell?" Lois said as she reading aloud her note, "Lois, it's an anniversary scavenger hunt. Your first clue is at the Quahog Mini-Mart. Love, Peter. Oh, how fun!"

As Cheery instrumental music at Barrington country club as everyone was playing golf.

"All right, gentlemen, before you tee off, here are your complimentary monogrammed bag towels, a sleeve of balls, and this mobile ball cleaner." Manager said as the caddie put the ball in his mash to wash it with swooshing and squeaking sounds, then he ran up to peter with the clean ball.

"Clean as a whistle, sir." Caddie said as Frank Jr begin to freak out by the caddie bean in his face.

"I'm not gonna get short by touching your spit, am I?" Peter asked.

"You'd be the first, champ." Caddie said as he does a back flip out the scene as Cleveland, Menma and Lorretta arrived.

"Well, it's about time." Frank said as he question Menma and Cleveland for being late.

"Sorry, fellas. I'm not gonna be able to play. Loretta's mother is in town, and we have to go buy new sheets for the dog bed." Menma said in snarky tone mean that his mad at his Step mother.

"Cleveland!" Loretta shouted at her husband to make Menma stop insulting her mother.

"He mean, the pullout sofa bed." Cleveland said as he corrected what Menma said.

"Cleveland, this is Barrington. You could be the first black guy ever to play this course. People are gonna be impressed." Peter said as two guy walk by to see Cleveland on the field.

"Hey, a black guy!" Golfer 1 said.

"Fun!" Golfer 2 said.

"Come on, you two." Loretta said as she drags both Menma and Cleveland off the field.

"Maybe we should play another time." Brian said as he notice the weathger.

"Screw that. I busted my ass keeping Lois busy so I could be here. Now, let's grip it and rip it." Peter said as he made swing at his ball and it was a hit.

"The Fed will be lowering rates, get your money out of T-bills and put it all into..." Golfer said until he was hit by ball. "Waffles! Tasty waffles with lots of syrup!" as we move at Wall Street.

"Waffles! Buy waffles!" Broker said as to everyone to buy waffles.

"Waffles!" All Brokers shouting including the Asian brokers.

Meanwhile at the quahog mini mart

"Okay, kids. Keep your eyes peeled for a clue." Lois said as she and the Griffin twins look around while Chris and Stewie read an Archie comic book featuring the character Jones Jughead.

"Now what Jughead has done here, and it's really quite ingenious actually, is paint pupils on his eyelids, so he can sleep through class without Miss Grundy being any the wiser." Stewie said as his point at picture of Jughead.

"He's sleeping." Chris said as he laught at the comic while tyler appear at random looks at the comic and just said "Meh".

"Mom, I found Dad's first clue." Meg said as she and Persephone pass the clue note to Lois.

"I can't believe your father organized this. Usually he can't even handle simple tasks." Lois said.

 **Cutaway**

We see Stewie walking around the living room n-aked as Lois sees a diaper in the lamp socket.

"Peter, why is there a diaper in the lamp socket?" Lois asked.

"Lois, he's done it again! Wait a minute (exclaims)" Stewie laughs as a light-bulb was up his butt and when he picks his nose, the light bulb shines.

"Awesome!" Frank Jr shouted as he saw what Stewie did.

 **Cutaway Ends**

We cut back to Barrington country club as it is rain and everyone was getting wet.

"Let's pack it in already!" Brian said.

"There's too much water out here." John and Tyler said.

"Yeah. Let's hit the bar, huh?" Quagmire said as he and the boys pack up their clubs to go into the club bar.

"Come on. There's worse things in life than rain. Like uh, like spiders." Peter said as he make a cutaway to make an excuses.

 **Cutaway**

"He's behind the door" a spider said as it is smoking a cigarette.

"(coughs) Peter, Frank Jr, he's bothering everyone. Say something" Lois demanded.

"Say something? I'll kick his a**." Frank Jr mumbled.

"Someone ought to kick his a**" Peter mumbled.

"Don't go in there!" the spider shouted.

"Peter and Frank Jr!" Lois shouted.

"All right. Give me a Kleenex" Frank Jr suggested as Lois gives him a Kleenex from her purse.

"I knew he was bad. I knew...(screams)!" the spider was pinched to death by Frank Jr's Kleenex.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"Out of me way! They're after me Lucky Charms!" Caddie said as he ran away from the field.

"I paid him $10 to say it. Classic." Quagmire said as he and the boys laught at that bit.

"We'll be in the clubhouse." Brian said as he and Quagmire walk away while Frank, Frank Jr, John and Tyler waited for Peter to give up already, which he didn't do.

"Go on, run away! More golf course for me!" Peter said as he continued to play until lightning stucks a tree and breaking it half way.

"That was close." Frank Jr

"That looks dangerous." John and Tyler said.

"Somebody's gonna get hurt." Frank said as he pulls out his belt and give his to peter as he was trying to make the tree fall down the other direction.

"It'll be fine." Peter said while straining until Frank, Frank Jr, John and Tyler were struck by lightning. Then Peter has a near-death experience in which Death appears in a Magical instrumental music playing in the background

"You again?" All people BOTH said.

As Mysterious instrumental music playing peter raise from his body while Frank, Frank Jr, John and Tyler just woke up fine.

"Death, please, don't take Grandpa now." Frank Jr said as he begs.

"Relax. Your grandpa is not dying. He just having a near-death experience." Death said.

"Thank God!' Peter and the boys all sigh in relief.

"Yeah, thank God. Thank God I get to hang out with a fascinating gent like yourself!" Death said as he plays golf while explaining that he is not happy to see peter.

"So, when am I gonna die?" Peter asked death.

"About two years after your wife divorces you." Death said as he slice the ball by hit farther than anyone could in the history of this sport.

"What the hell are you talking about? Lois would never leave me. She's been crazy about me since the night we met." Peter said as Death takes Peter back in time to his courtship of Lois.

As Sweet instrumental music was playing, we see a Young Peter and Lois walking around the park at night while Death, Peter and the boy were hiding in the boshes.

"My God, that's Grandpa! Look how thin he was!" Frank Jr said as he looks at his Grandpa younger self and Lois waking into the night while looking at the stars.

"My, this is certainly a beautiful night. I love looking at stars." Lois said as she looks at the stars.

"Say no more." as he undid his shirt to show his belly.

"Peter, wait. I..." Young Lois said trying to stop peter.

"Very interesting. But stupid." Young Peter said as he trying to impress Lois by using his stomach to imitate actor Arte Johnson.

"Oh, my God! I love Arte Johnson!" Young Lois said as she giggles at the bit with John and Tyler laughing at the Background.

"Why don't you give him a kiss?" Young Peter said as he is pushing his arte Johnson tummy at Lois to make her kiss it.

"Peter, get away from me." Young Lois said as she is still giggles while trying to get away from the arte Johnson tummy.

"Come on." Young Peter said as he is still pushing his arte Johnson tummy at Lois to make her kiss it.

"Stop it." Young Lois said while running away into a meadow while peter chase her

"Give Arte Johnson a kiss." Young Peter said as he still chase her until he tackle her as they roll out of the meadow while they Both are laughing. As they reach the freeway and now they make out.

While a trucker was drive his truck, he was listing to Peter Frampton's "Baby, I Love Your way" playing on radio.

"Oh, my God!" Trucker said as he notices Peter and Lois making out on the road. So he turns the Truck around until it crashing. While the Music continuing on radio.

"Peter, I hear music." Young Lois said

"Yeah. Me, too. From now on, this'll be our song." Young Peter said as Driver groaning at his survives. While Peter and Lois are still making out. Until the tank of the trunk exploded as the top of the trunk lands on the Driver.

"I've never met a guy like you. You're so full of life." Young Lois said as she went back to peter for second smooches. While the Driver screaming as wolves are starting to eat his legs.

"It's like I can really be myself with you. I'm so happy." Young Lois said as she went back to peter for thirds on smooches.

"Man! That was beautiful, Pops." Frank said as he and the boy were crying at that romantic moment.

"but man, it was a little dark if you ask me!" John said as he blow his nose with a tissue.

"Say, this looks awfully familiar. Wait a second! I remember this! That's me! Look at all that hair. I can't believe I thought that looked good. I must have been high." Death said as he sees his past self with a tai dye robe with an afro coming near the dead drive as he takes his soul to the next life.

"I love you, Lois Pewterschmidt." Young Peter said

"I love you, Peter Griffin." Young Lois said

"Look at that. Huh, huh? There's no way she's gonna leave me. Now put me back in my freakin' body, all right?" Peter said as they return to the golf course.

"I can't put you back until you have a revelation. You know, one of those things that changes your life." Death said as he tries to show Peter that his marriage is in trouble.

"To hell with this. I'm going home." Peter said as he is going to return to his body by his mouth. As John and Tyler face palms their faces, Frank Begins to argue with peter.

"What are you doing? You can't get in that way." Frank said.

"I'm sure as hell not going in the back door." Peter said as he is not going to return to his body by his butt hole. As death begins to freaky pout from checking his watch on what time it is.

"Crap! I don't have time for this. Listen, I'm late for an appointment. If you don't want to follow procedure, fine. Stay here in limbo." Death said as he begins to walk away.

"No. Wait. I don't want to be in limbo!" Peter said as he, Frank, John and Tyler chase death while Frank Jr went back to peter's body and took his wallet and took his cash, he puts it in his pocket and walk away.

Meanwhile we join Lois, Meg, Persephone and Chris at the Dog race tract following the next clue.

"Okay. It says the next note will be right under my nose." Lois said

"And they're off! And quick out in front, Silver Dasher, followed by My Nose!" Announcer said as the dogs are now race with the dog name "My Nose!" running second.

"Aha! Hold my purse!" Lois said as she chase the dog with that name.

As Dogs barking, Lois chase my nose fog as she tackle the dog down.

"What's Mom doing?" Chris asked Meg and Persephone.

"I'll tell you what she's doing, she's screwing up my six-two quinella. Damn it!" Stewie said as he tares up his ticket bet.

"My Nose in front, followed by Sea Biscuit, followed by Some Crazy Lady followed by Middle-Aged Housewife followed by Wait, Who's That? followed by Silver Dasher. And now it appears there's a woman chasing the dogs." Announcer:

"Let's go, kids!" Lois said as she has the next clue as she and her kids leave for the next clue.

"Blackie, tell the boys in Kansas City the bet's off." Stewie said as he tells his bettor name blackie to end the bet from Kansas.

"Too late, Stewie. The fix is in, and the noodles are boiling in the pot. Boiling, I tell you!" Bettor said.

"Aaargh!" Stewie said as he moans at his lost.

Meanwhile with the guys walking in clouds on their way to deaths house with death trying to find out the meaning of Peter's Death experience.

"Wait a minute. I got it, I got it. I figured out my revelation: God loves a working man." Frank said.

"No!" Death said.

"The Shadow is in reality Lamont Cranston, wealthy young man about town." Frank Jr and Tyler said.

"No! Oh, crap! I'm late. I'm in big, big trouble!" Death said as he hyper ventilate while using his inhaler.

"Jeez, you're pretty shook up about that appointment of yours! You're Death. What are you afraid of?" Peter asking death on what he is afraid of being late for.

"Where the hell have you been? When I said lunch, I said noon, not noon-ish." Mrs. Death said as she constantly pesters Death with motherly concern.

"Sorry, Ma." Death said as he groans.

"Sorry? Is "sorry" gonna reheat the casserole? So, who's your friends?" Mrs. Death said.

"It's a work thing, Ma. Near-death experience." Death said

"Where are you going?" Mrs. Death asked.

"I gotta take a leak." Death said.

"Well, don't forget to zip up your fly. If you don't zip up your fly, a seagull will get you!" Mrs. Death said.

"God, she's a pain in the ass! I wish Dad was still dead." Death said.

"I'll tell you, Lois' dad was a pain in the ass when I met him." Peter said as he and the gang yet again travel to Peter's past. Death takes them back in time to Peter's courtship of Lois. Where Peter was try to make a good impression on Lois's father, Carter Pewterschmidt.

As the Doorbell rings at Pewterschmidt mansion, Young Lois runs at the door to open to see Young Peter Freaking out!

"Hi. Can I take my tie off yet?" Young Peter said.

"Peter, you look so wonderful. Are you nervous about meeting Daddy?" Young Lois said and asked if Young Peter is nerves.

"You'll know when I'm nervous." Young Peter said.

"Lois?" Carter said in the background as Young Peter nerves Farts.

"Now. Lois, take the rap for this. I only get one chance to make a first impression." Young Peter said as cart arrive while sniffing the farts.

"Hi, Daddy. That was me. And this is Peter." Young Lois said as she introduce Young Peter to her father while taking the blame for the fart smell.

"Hey, Mr. Pewterschmidt. What are you feeding this gal? Peter Griffin. Can I take this freakin' tie off?" Young Peter said as he shakes Cart's hand.

"It's a pleasure. My daughter is quite taken with you." Carter said while he shakes Peter's hand.

"And I'm taken with her. I mean, look at this. Show us front and back there, Lois. Don't think I don't know where that comes from. That's some world-class juice you got brewing in the old flesh balloon down there, Carter. Oh, yeah." Young Peter said.

"I'm gonna go get my purse." Young Lois said as she leaves the room to get her purse.

"All right. Hey, based on what you've seen with your wife what can we expect in terms of droopage here? We talking a slight slope or the full fried-eggs-hanging-on-a-nail thing?" Young Peter said something stupid while Frank and Frank Jr face palm their foreheads.

"Peter, what do you think of this bronze statue?" Carter said

"It's nice." Young Peter said.

"It's early Etruscan." Carter said as Frank Jr asked his father is to why his Great grandfather showing his grandpa a stupid statue. While Frank told him that stupid statue is worth a lot of money.

"Get out of here!" Young Peter said as he looks at the statue.

"No, seriously." Carter said.

That's great. Young Peter said as Carter who knocked Peter out with an early Etruscan statue and had his servants give him a death flight

While Peter was Sputtering and coughing, He was rescued by the U.S. Navy ship on which Quagmire was serving

"Hey, look. A manatee!" Captain said as he look threw his telescope.

"We can use it for soup." Chef said.

"Ensign Glen Quagmire. Welcome aboard. You picked a great day to get rescued. We were just about to sing a song about mopping" Young Quagmire said as he tries to impress on Peter how good life in the navy is with everyone singing about mopping. While a Cheery instrumental music was playing in the background.

Chorus

 _We're mopping the deck_

 _Which is navy for floor_

 _And when we're done mopping_

 _We'll mop it some more_

Quagmire

 _OH!_

As Frank Jr and the boy were join in song while dancing around a mop and bucket.

Frank Jr and Chorus

 _Swab means mop_

 _Deck means floor..._

While Frank, Peter and Death were watching he musical number, Mrs. Death came in behind them.

"Could you tell me when you're leaving to go back in time? I was talking to a robe on the coat rack for 20 minutes before I realized you weren't in it." Mrs. Death said to death as she complains to death of not being there for dinner.

Death: Ma, for God's sake, leave me alone! I'm working!

"Don't yell at your mother! If you yell at your mother, a hen will lay eggs in your tummy." Mrs. Death said.

"Wow, brilliantly choreographed." Young Peter said as he enjoys a rousing musical number performed by Quagmire and his shipmates.

"Well, that's your tax dollars at work. Hey, why don't you join us and see the world?" Young Quagmire asked peter to join them.

"Sorry, pal. I've seen the world, and its name is Lois." Young Peter said as he thinks about Lois.

"How romantic! Why can't you find a nice girl?" Mrs. Death said as she awes at the romances.

"Ma, she's gonna dump him." Death said.

"Well, at least he got that far. You know who he took to the prom? His cousin!" Mrs. Death said.

That's weak. Peter said as he and the boys laugh.

Yeah. Mrs. Death said as she Laugh with them.

"All right, all right, that's it! I'm sick of both of you. Come on, Peter." Death said as he push them away back to Peter's body.

"Death, put your jacket on, or you'll get frostbite!" Mrs. Death said as She makes up childish things that will happen if he disrespects her.

"I don't have skin!" Death said.

"Cause you didn't eat your beans!" Mrs. Death said.

Now back at Barrington, we join the boys as Death is going to quit help Peter.

"Come on. Get back in your big, fat body. Why should I help a guy save his marriage when I can't even get a girl?" Death said.

"Whoa, wait! What are you saying?" Peter said.

"The revelation, jackass! It could have helped you save your marriage. But too late. And by the way, when the lightning hit you, you soiled yourself. Enjoy." Death said as he leaves.

"Wait. Grandpa can't lose Grandma! Please, we'll do anything. What if we helped you get a girl?" Frank Jr said as he helps Death get a date.

"Really? You think you could do that?" Death said.

"Sure. All we gotta do is get you a little fixed up. Get you a haircut, give you a good clean... [Frank and Frank Jr Screams]...shave, maybe some cologne. The chicks will be all over you." Peter said.

"Gee! You really think so?" Death said.

"Absolutely." Peter said as he and the Boys Vomits from Death Faces.

Now Join Peter, Frank, Frank Jr, John and Tyler at the beach waiting for death to come out in his bathing suit.

"You got any SPF-50? I bleach like a gym sock." Death said as he comes out of the restroom with a blue hoodie and green shorts with orange flowers.

"Look, Death, will you relax? I told ya, the beach is a perfect place to pick up chicks. Now I want you to go over there, and ask those girls if you can play." Peter said as his point out girls near people playing volleyball on the beach.

"Hey, can I join you?" Death said.

"I guess. What's your name?" Girl 1 said.

"Josh." Death said.

"Do you, like, live around here?" Girl 1 said.

"No. I live with my mom." Death said.

"Let's get out of here." Girl 1 said to Girl 2.

"See ya, Josh. Tell your mom we said hi." Girl 2 said as both girls went away from death while laughing.

"Heads up!" Man said as a ball knocks off one of deaths legs and he fall down.

Meanwhile at James woods high school as Cheery instrumental music was playing in the background. Lois, Meg, Persephone, Chris and Stewie found the next clue on top of the flag pole.

"How do we get up there? Dad put grease on the pole." Meg asked.

"Don't worry, Meg. We've been studying fulcrums in school. You simply have to counter-balance the weight where the lever pivots. Like so." Chris said.

"Stewie, honey, want to play rocket ship?" Persephone asked her little brother.

"What the deuce?" Stewie said as he goes up the flag pole.

"Blast off! Go on, Stewie. Get the note for Mommy." Lois said.

"How dare you use me for your own personal selfish...oh. Pull slower. I must remember to do this again when no one's around." Stewie said as he gets aroused by the pole pushing upon his butt.

Meanwhile at the boardwalk we join Peter and the Gang trying to cheer up Death.

"What the hell was I thinking? You don't know anything about picking up chicks." Death said.

"Are you kidding? I learned from the best." Peter said.

As Exciting instrumental music was playing in the background, we join Young Peter and Quagmire on the ship as it arrives at Jamaica.

"Come on, buddy. We're dropping anchor in Jamaica!" Young Quagmire said as he shaves his pubes.

"Great! We're getting closer to Rhode Island." Young Peter said as he getting close to Lois.

"Rhode Island? Forget that. I'm taking you out for some shore leave. Does this look like a "Q" to you?" Quagmire said as he shows his shave pubes to Peter and by close encounter, Frank, Frank Jr, John and Tyler.

"No." Young Peter said as John and Tyler just Vomits form looking at the crotch.

"How about now?" Young Quagmire:

Sorry, Quagmire. Your crotch just looks like Lois to me. Peter:

"Well, let's ask her then. Hey, Lois, should Peter sit around and mope all night?" Quagmire asked his crotch as it wags side to side to mean no.

"Or should Peter go out with his buddy and have some fun? Quagmire asked his crotch as it wags up and down to mean yes.

"He, he, he, All right!" Quagmire said his catchphrase.

As We join Everyone from the future at the at the Tiki bar as they watch Young Quagmire do his thing.

"Okay, that one's a feminist type. She's into he-men. And that one's mad for jazz. Watch this." Young Quagmire said as he points to the three hot women, the long hair with glasses, the short blonde hair with a tang top shirt & shorts and finally the afro black women with a sundress.

"The plight of women in this hemisphere is deplorable!" Young Quagmire said to the long hair women with glasses while trying to feel bad for women.

"I can bench-press 800 pounds!" Young Quagmire said as he flexes his muscles for the short blonde hair with a tang top shirt & shorts.

"You, me and Coltrane till dawn. Giga-Giga-Gigadi!" Young Quagmire said as he pretends to play the saxophone to impress the afro black women with a sundress.

"There you go, Peter. One for you, two for me." Young Quagmire said as the girls join him.

"You guys go on without me." Young Peter said as he draws Young Lois except with bigger bobs as he sighs.

As Sad instrumental music playing we join Peter and the boy with death.

"Why didn't you go with them?" Death asked peter.

"You don't know what love's like." Peter said.

"Oh, yeah? Her name's Amy. She works at a pet store. I met her when her dad hung himself. But I was too shy to ask her out." Death said as he pass a photo to Frank Jr

"What's with that moustache?" Frank Jr asked about the picture.

"Let me see that. Sorry. That's Edward James Olmos. Here. This is her." Death said as he pass the real picture.

"Hey, nice ass." Peter, Frank, John and Tyler said.

"Sorry. No. That's Edward James Olmos' ass. I guess I don't have a photo. But trust me, she's cute." Death said.

"Well, let's go get her." Peter and Frank said as the rest of the gang cheer as they leave the flashback.

"Grandpa, Death need that picture of Olmos' ass back." Frank Jr said while leaving the flashback.

"Oh, yeah, right." Peter said as he gives the photo back to death.

Now we join Lois and the kid in the quahog sewers looking for the next clue.

"Mom, hurry! I can't stand the smell!" Persephone said, as she cannot stand the smell as she hold Stewie and Meg hold a flashlight.

"I found the note! "Go back to the Mini-Mart"? Well, this isn't very creative. Let's go, kids." Lois said as she pick up the clue under a sewer light.

"Mom, you remember that goldfish we flushed down the toilet? He wasn't dead." Chris said as he held hostage by said fish that was mutated and has come for revenge.

Meanwhile at the pet shop Peter, Frank, frank Jr, John, Tyler and Death were near the window to look at the chick that death was swooning on.

"There she is. That's her." Death said.

"All right, now go on, like we practiced." Peter said as Death enter the pet store.

"Hey, you." Amy said as she greets death at the door.

"Hi. I was just, [as animals going crazy] in the neighborhood and so, I thought that you... This is a bad time. Maybe I'll just come back." Death said as he leave the pet store in disgraces.

"Whom I kidding? I'll never get her." death said as he mopes about the fail mission.

"Not with that attitude. Come on! Robert Reed got Florence Henderson, and he was one of thema toe-tapping Burgermeisters. You've gotta find a way to make it happen." Peter said as they were once again in peter's past as he says his goodbyes to Young Quagmire.

"So long, Peter. I hope you find your girl." Quagmire said as he shakes peters hand.

"Thanks, Quagmire. Hope you live next door to me someday." Peter said as he waves goodbye and leave as quagmire goes to a girl to show her his crotch.

"Hey, does this look like a "Q" to you?" Quagmire said as he show her his crotch.

The Girl screams out of the background.

"How about now?" Quagmire said.

Meanwhile at night on the high way, Young peter was signally some to drive him to Pewterschmidt mansion. As a van with the sign hot chocolate pulls up and show young Cleveland brown

"So, where is it you need to go, my new honky friend?" Young Cleveland said as he opens his door for Peter gets a ride with him back to Rhode Island.

"Rhode Island. That's not too far, is it?" Young Peter said as he and the rest of the gang jump in as the drive towards quahog.

"Nothing's too far away from Maxine, the cheatin' queen. Women. That's not fair. I'm just speaking out of hurt." Young Cleveland said as Frank Jr patted him but it went through since this is a memory.

As Truck honking from the back as it showed that members of the Ku Klux Klan pursued them.

"That truck's coming up on us awful fast." Frank said as he see the Ku Klux Klan pursued them.

"Holy crap! Do you see what I see?" Young Peter said, as Peter, John and Tyler just turn white.

"I'm afraid I do!" Young Cleveland said while Frank agreed with him.

"We're being chased by ghosts!" Young Peter and Frank Jr said as the rest of the people in the van just give them "are you serious" look to them. As the flash back ends with them at the bench next to the pet store.

"So, you went through all this trouble to see your girl?" Death said

"He sure did. In addition, he is just a fat idiot. What's your excuse, you big chicken?" Frank Jr said as he asked death his excuse for not asking Amy.

"Chicken? You take that back!" Death said as he pokes Frank Jr.

"Yeah? Make me!" Frank Jr said

"I don't make monkeys, I train 'em." Death said as they all fought until peter rips off death arm.

"Holy crap! I'm sorry. Did that hurt?" Peter said

"No. But this will!" Death said as he poke peter in the eye with his dismember arm.

"You bastard!" Frank Jr said as he slap death with his own arm until Amy come out of the store to learn what happening.

"What the hell is going on out here?" Amy said

Actually, I, uh... Death said

He wanted to ask you something. Peter, Frank, Frank Jr, John and Tyler said

"Amy, you want to go somewhere and grab a coffee?" Death said as he grabs his arm and puts it back but wrongly as he ask Amy for a date.

"Sure. I get off at 2:00." Amy said

"Great! Great. I'll meet you here." Death said as amy leave to get ready for her date.

"You did it! All right! Hey, who knows? You might even, you know... "Peter said as he and the gang did weird dances, wiggles, flips and finally turn into pretzels.

"I'm not following you." Death said, as he is confused on what just happened.

"Intercourse." Peter and Frank said for the answer for death question.

"Ah." Death said as we join Lois and Meg back to quahog mine-mart to find the last clue as they bump into Cleveland, Menma and Loretta.

What are you doing here? Lois asked Cleveland.

"Loretta's mom wanted a snack so we had to pick her up some Kibbles 'n' Bits." Cleveland said something funny about his mother in-law.

"Cleveland!" Loretta shout his name to stop with the jokes

"He mean Cheezits." Menma said in response.

"Did Peter give you a clue for me?" Lois asked the couple.

"Peter? He's down at Barrington with Frank, Frank Jr, John, Tyler, Brian and Quagmire." Loretta said the truth as Menma face palm in discuss.

"He's golfing on our anniversary?" Meg shouted as she and Lois leave toward the golf course.

"Oh, boy! You just put Frank and Peter in the doghouse. Which is where your mother..." Menma said

"Don't say it!" Loretta said to shut Menma up.

Your mother smells. Cleveland said as Loretta just got more piss off.

As Cheery instrumental music playing as we join our heroes at the clothing store to pick out some new threads for death when goes on his date.

"See, this is why I hate clothes shopping. I have no ass. I'm minus an ass." Death said as he comes out with cloths that do not fit him since he just bones.

"You're trying too hard, Death. She won't care what you're wearing. She's just gonna be glad to see you. That's how it was with Lois." Peter said as we flashback to Young peter arriving at Pewterschmidt mansion. As he sneaky his way in to the gate until he meets some dog.

As The dog growling, they went on the attack.

"Aaaaaaaaa, Oh, God! Oh, God! [struggling] Hi, Mr. Pewterschmidt." Young Peter said as he, Frank Jr Screams and Runs their way into the mansion by climbing window crash into the bathrooms Jacuzzi.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Carter said as he asked how peter got here.

"It's a long story with some terrific performances and a wonderful scene at a carnival, but I'll cut to the ending. I want to marry Lois!" Young Peter said as he asked him for his daughter hand in marriage as Young Lois came near the bathroom door as she heard peter voice.

"Out of the question! Now, listen, Griffin. I want you to take this, and stay away from my daughter forever!" Carter said as he write a check to peter and he had it to him.

"$1 million?" Young Peter said

"$1 million?" Frank, John and Tyler said.

"$1 million?" Frank Jr said.

"$1 million?" Carter said.

"No deal! Lois may be worth a million to you, but to me, she's worthless. I love her, Mr. Pewterschmidt." Young Peter said as he refuses Carter's offer of $1 million to stay away from his daughter.

"Oh, Peter!" Young Lois said as she runs toward peter with happiness as they kiss.

"Holy crap! Back then, Grandpa gave up $1 million just to be with Grandma. Now we won't even miss a lousy golf game to spend their anniversary together. No wonder she's gonna dump gramps." Frank Jr said as he realizes that it's over and his grandma isn't going to forgive them for this mess.

"Or is she?" Death said as they all realize the revelation.

"Wait a minute. That's my revelation. I gotta pay more attention to my wife!" Peter said as he figured out.

"Eureka! Now, come on back to the golf course. I've got a date." Death said as he gets ready for his date until Frank Jr tog on his robe.

"Death, wait. Before we go, I need you to do us one more favor." Frank Jr said as they zoom in at Peter Frampton house.

"Peter! Peter Frampton!" Frank Jr Dress as Death said in a spectral voice.

"Oh, no! God, please, no! I'm too young to die! Are you sure you're not supposed to be at Keith Richards' house? Also why are you so short?" Peter Frampton said as he questions death.

"All right. If you want to live, come with me (back to normal voice) and bring your guitar, and bring that thing that makes it go... wah wah wah wah." Frank Jr said as he makes wah-wah sound.

As Dramatic instrumental music, Lois drives to towards Barrington country club to get peter.

"Wait!" Valet said as lois pass him to reach the golf course.

"Damn! How could he lie to me on our anniversary?" Lois said as she gets out of the car with meg as they were piss out of their minds until they hear Frampton singing "Baby, I Love Your Way," and Frank Jr playing on acoustic guitar with backup vocals.

Frampton and Frank Jr

 _Ooh Baby I love your way_

 _I wanna tell you I love your way_

 _I wanna be with you night and day oh yeah_

"Peter! Our song!" Lois said as she remember the song of their first date.

"Happy anniversary, Lois." Peter said as he hug his wife.

"This is the most romantic gift you've ever given to Mom. How did you ever put all of this together? Meg said as she to hug her husband for their gift.

"Well, I had a little help from a very special friend." Frank said as he, Frank Jr, John and Tyler look toward the sky and think of death for this gift.

As we join Death, as he does not enjoy his date with Amy.

I like animals. Amy said.

Uh-huh. Death said as he is bored out of his mind.

"Because they're like people. Just little furry people." Amy said something boring.

Yeah. Hey, you ever go on the Internet? They got some cool stuff there on that Internet. Death said as the waiter just came poured their coffee.

Oh, yeah, I bought these shoes from a company on the Internet because they don't test on animals. Amy said a loopy as someone put drugs in her coffee as she starts take off her blouse.

"Yess!" Death said as he drags Amy into his house

"Check, please." Death said as he finished the sex with pleasure.

Now we frank Jr in his room with a journal of his Grandpa Jake Mallque, in his past he used to draw houses as he had a talent for drawing before he got into his job as an architect and also loved to record him and Frank Jr's Grandmother sayo went by another name by Achika on his video camera, although both of them were too shy to express their feelings towards one another. Although Jake was trapped with Achika along with the Ten Tails in a second dimension, it was watching Jake getting knocked unconscious by Ten Tails that awakened Achika's dormant Jurai powers. Both were rescued by Frank and then both of their memories were erased so it wouldn't affect the future. Ironically, the dream house that Jake had drawn for him and Achika is in fact the house that he, Frank, and their extended family now live in.

She showed great potential even as a young woman, able to see spirits and speak to Funaho, her father's Royal Tree. Yosho hoped for her to inherit the sword and mantle of the royal family (as Frank later would). But she was in love and yearned to remain a normal girl without the burden the title would bring upon her.

Still, Achika did not wish to disappoint her father, and with this conflict in her heart she took the bonding ritual with Funaho... and failed, being wounded severely. The man she had loved abandoned her while she was on the mend, causing Achika's efforts to have been for nothing and her heart to break. A year later, Achika had recuperated but was far weaker than in her younger days, catching notice and marrying the much older Jake because of his resemblance to her father (both were Yosho's descendants).

After another year had passed, Achika gave birth to Frank, Menma and Rage and everything seemed well. However, at five years of age the powers latent in Frank surfaced, and in poor condition and unable to defend herself Achika was fatally hurt by the Lighthawk Wings as she in put in a coma. On her bed, she asks her father to continue training Frank, Menma and Rage as her place was now with the goddess Tsunami. As Frank Jr finish reading the journal, he know looks at the window as the sun goes down thinking about his family past and his own future.

 **Chapter ends**

 **I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thanking for pen123 and** **Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas.**


	8. Chapter 35: Lethal Weapons

**Chapter 35:** **Lethal Weapons**

 **Opening Credits**

 _It seems today that all ya see_

 _Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

 _But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

 _On which we used to rely_

 _Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

 _Lucky there's a man who_

 _Positively can do_

 _All the things that make us_

 _Laugh n' Cry_

 _He's_

 _a_

 _Fam_

 _-ily_

 _Guy!_

 **End**

We join the Mallques, the Griffins, The Brown and the Swanson's enjoy the lake in the peace of Quahog. As Frank and the boy with Peter, Lois and Bonnie drive the boat while Joe water skates with his wheelchair as he does his twelve flip.

"Baby! Twelve in a row!" Joe said as he brags about water skates as bonnie removes her robes as Frank Jr, peter comment about her body.

"You must've had a great body before it went all funhouse mirror on you." Peter said.

"I can't believe how terrific you look." Lois and Frank said.

"Thanks. I've been taking Tai-jutsu classes. You should come with me sometime." Bonnie said as she invited Lois and Frank to join her on Tai-jutsu.

"We'd love to." Lois said.

"Oh, the baby's kicking. Want to feel?" Bonnie said as she asked Peter and Frank Jr to feel her baby in her tummy.

"Sure." Frank Jr and Peter as they feel the baby by laying on her tummy but they were kick by said baby.

"Ow! Oh, You are freakin' dead, kid/asshole!" Peter and Frank Jr said as they try to reach the baby so they can kill it.

"Peter/Frank Jr!" Lois and Frank said as they try to hold them back.

"I love this time of year." Meg and Persephone said as they relax on the boardwalk.

Me, too. The summer tourists are gone, and we finally have the town to ourselves before those idiots from New York show up to watch the leaves change and take over the whole place. Brian said as he relax with the family while Persephone using a stick ont the lake to bug the fish.

Suddenly Brian notice the leaves start turning fall colors, then he gasp as Cars honking is disrupted and "leafers" from New York invade town.

"Leafers!" Brian shouted as everyone is beginning to panic.

"Holy crap! We gotta get outta here!" Frank said as zeke punch the boat toward shore.

As Dramatic instrumental music is plays in the background, everyone evacuated the boat.

"What about the boat?" Bonnie said in the boat as Zeke takes the skates off his dad.

"Leave it!" Joe said as he and zeke race toward their car.

"Hurry, Peter! They're almost here!" Lois shouted at her husband as they family were trying to get in their car.

"We're too late!" Chris, John, Tyler said as a car arrive at the lake with two men from New York.

"Yo, Marty. Check out those colors. Yellow like a taxi, orange like the ball at the Knicks game and red like the sauce on my Mamma Mia's cu cazz." Man said as comments on the leaves around the lake.

"Yeah, and brown like the guys I don't pick up in my cab." Matty said as he explains about people that he doesn't take in his cab.

"Beautiful!" Man said as kiss his finger in an Italian way.

"Aaahhh!" The Mallques/The Griffins all screamed in terror.

As we turn to the channel 6 news hosting Diane Simmons and Tom Tucker.

"Good evening. Tonight's top story: Quahog is infested with loud, hairy creatures, also known as "New Yorkers." Diane Simmons said

"They migrate north every autumn to see the foliage. I think I speak for all of us when I say New York and everyone from there can fornicate themselves with an iron stick." Tom Tucker said as the scene changes back to the Mallque/Griffin family as Horns honking, they in a traffic jam.

"We're gonna be late for church." Lois said as she whines about being late for church.

"Move it! Damn leafers." Frank said as he is drive the family's sedan as he stciks out his head argues with the leafers.

"Chris, quit it! Mom, Chris put his foot on my side again!" Persephone said as she complains to her mother about Chris's feet on her side of the seat.

"I can't help it. I have these long dancer's legs." Chris said as he explains about his feet being long dancing legs.

"Move it away Tyler!" John shouted to tyler.

"Well, you stop steeping on my potato salad!" Tyler said as he brought a snake on their way to church.

", stop whining! Chris, stay on your side! John, stop stepping on Tyler's snacks! Tyler, stop bring food! Grandma, for God's sake, get off your ass and do some parenting! Frank Jr said as he shut everyone up and asked Lois to do her job.

If you kids don't knock it off, we're not going to McDonald's after church. Lois said as she lay on the law in the family to behave.

Grandma! /Mrs. Griffin! /Mom! Everyone said as they moan.

"Don't worry, we're going." Frank said to relieve them by telling them that they're still going to Mc Donald's until Meg and Lois give him the stink eye.

"But you don't get the supersize." Peter says that they would still be able to go to McDonald's, but wouldn't be able to get the supersize.

"Oh!" Tyler, Frank Jr, Chris said as he moans in objection.

"Okay, you can supersize, but no apple pie." Frank and Peter said.

"Come on!" Persephone and John said as they both moan in objection for not getting their way.

"Okay, you get an apple pie, but you can't blow on it." Frank says they can get an apple pie but can't blow on it to cool it down.

"Frank, Dad, don't contradict me and mom in front of the kids!" Meg said

"Meg, Mom, Siblings fighting is as natural as a white man's dialogue in a Spike Lee movie." Frank said as we set up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

A black man enters a pizzeria.

"Wassup? Can I get two slices of pepperoni?" he ordered as the white man began to growl inconsistently as he moves his hands around.

 **Cutaway ends**

Now we zoom in to the holy Christ church with a motto, "Come for the mass, stay for the guilt!" as we join the Mallque/Griffin family in the church being over crowded by Leafers.

"Who are all these people?" Lois said as she, meg, Frank and Peter arrive in their q's as they notice all these people in the church.

"Damn New Yorkers! They took all the good seats." Peter said as he complains about the leafers crowded the church, as we join the babies peaking on an old lady.

"Aren't you two precious?" Elderly Woman said as she complments them until FRANK Jr and Stewie pop out as devils while hissing to scare the old lady as she Screams in terror.

"Hahahaha, some of my novelty items were provided by Jack's Joke Shop of South Attleboro, Massachusetts." Stewie said as he advertises Jack's Joke Shop.

"Remember, "If it ain't funny, it ain't worth jack!" Frank Jr said as they point to all the leafers to buy the stuff from Jack's Joke Shop of South Attleboro, Massachusetts. As the priest arrives at the podium to start mass.

"I'd like to welcome all our out-of-town parishioners. My cousin, Father Sapienza, is in from New York to see the leaves. And I'd like to invite him to do the opening prayer." Priest said as he introduces his cousin to the people on in the church.

"Yo! God is good, eh? And he expects us to be good. And if you're not, he's gonna come down and bust your freaking skull, Amen." Father Sapienza said as His homily stirs up a fight between several other leafers when he says that God orders them to be good or he'll bust their skull.

"Who do you think you're talking to? Your God ain't tougher than me!" One leafer said as he stands up in challenge to God.

"You can't talk to the Father like that, you stupid cafone! I oughta come overthere and break your freakin' arm!" A second leafer said as he raises to the First leafer to be more respectful of the Father or he'll break his arm.

You wanna go, tough guy? I'll snap you in half like an almond biscotti from Valero's on 51st Street. Best in the city! The first leafer as he gets out of his q to fight the second leafer.

"Fellas, this is God's house, and the Patriots kick off in about 45 minutes. Can we move this along?" Peter said as he, Frank, John and Tyler got out of their q's to stop this fight to get out of church to catch the game.

"Patriots suck!" the leafer Man said as he pisses off Frank and Peter.

"Blasphemy!" Frank and Peter said as they splash him with holy water as he burns for his sin against the patriots.

"It burns!" the leafer Man said as his face burns for his sin.

"Wow, Mr. Griffin and Frank are man of god!" Tyler said as he awes them with praise.

"Maybe, Maybe not?" Persephone said as she and John look at the bowl and sniff it.

"wait, this is acid and if this is acid, where's the holy water?" john said as we cut scene to a lab

"Holy water? Where's that acid I ordered?" Scientist said as he got the wrong liquid, as we zoom back to the church with the leafer still burning form acid wounds.

"Hey, Guido, watch this." Frank Jr said as his bow tie spins in front of the leafer.

"Whoa, Frank Jr you got to lay off the coffee! Ha-cha-cha! That's Jack's, Exit 14 off 295." Stewie said as he advertises Jack's Joke Shop of South Attleboro, Massachusetts again.

As we join Lois and Frank at Jared Fellows Tae-Jitsu, a Tae-Jitsu academy owned by Jared Fellows. It has Korean characters at the bottom right corner of the sign, and it looks like 태슈즈(Tae-Shuzu). As we see them doing Tai-Jitsu with other students.

"Tae-jitsu is about power for your body and your mind. Don't be afraid to free the beast inside you. Left kick, right kick, punch combo, stomp!" Jared said as they synchronized in the art of Tae-Jitsu.

"Beautiful. Again. Left kick." Jared said as he continued instruct them in the art.

You're doing great for your first lesson. Bonnie said as she doing Tae-Jitsu

I'm really cutting loose. Just like Julie Andrews in that movie where she showed her breasts. Lois said as she and Frank do the Tae-Jitsu lesson.

 **Cutaway**

We see Mary Poppins in front of two children.

"Oh, Mary. You'll never leave us, will you?" the boy said as We see Mary Poppins opening her blouse and revealing her boobs in front of two children.

"Yes, those are lovely. But it doesn't quite answer their question, Mary Poppins!" Frank Jr said as he appeared between the kids as the boy and the girl looked in shocked of Mary Poppins's awesome rocking tits.

 **Cutaway Ends**

As we join the gang arriving at the drunken clam as a Crowd cheering on TV with leafers occupy the seats in the clam. As the jets won the game on tv.

"Jets rule!" the leafers cheered for the jets.

"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah." Two leafers cheer as they celebratory dances as one of them bump into peter.

"Hey, watch where you're going, will you?" Peter said as he pushes the leafer off of him.

"Hey, Horace, put the Pats game on the TV, and get me a few beers, huh?" Frank said as he and peter order themselves some beers to relax.

"Sorry, Frank. Someone stole the remotes...and the kegs. And I'm not sure, but I think I've been shot. Yep." Horace said as he looks at his newly shot gun wound as he faints on the floor on his side of the counter of the bar.

"Hey, pal, watch my seat. I gotta bleed the lizard." Man said as he unzipping his fly and pisses himself on the side of the counter of the bar.

"Public urination is just wrong. Except during the Million Man March when protesters burned our Porta-Potties. Then Me and Menma used our streams of justice to put out the hate." Cleveland said as the gang seat on the other side of the bar.

"I don't know, fellas, I think there's potential in this crowd. Hey, honey, why don't you turn around and show me the Lower East Side?" Quagmire said as he trying to ask the women near the counter.

"Sure." The women said as she turns out to be a Transvestite.

"Whoa, transvestite! Back off! Wait a second. Pre-op or post-op?" Quagmire said as he questions the Transvestite of his type.

"Pre-op." Transvestite said of his type.

"Whoa, transvestite! Back off!" Negi said as he pulls quagmire away from the transvestite.

"You're right. This place blows. We gotta send these straphangers back where they came from." Quagmire said as he returns to his seat thinking with his buddies of a way to get rid of the leafers.

"Don't worry. I got an idea. An idea so smart my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about." Peter said as he try to explain his plan until it got confusing.

As we join at the Mallque/Griffin house with leafers everywhere until they hear angry growl from the tree.

"I am a man-eating tree. Go back to New York, or I will eat you! Just like I ate insane New York anchorman Dan Rather. And look who I had for dessert. Asexual former mayor Ed Koch. Leave my land, or I will smite you with my powerful limb." Peter said as he pokes the leafer with Angry growl hide inside the tree with Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler.

"What are you, nuts? Gimme that branch. Get off of me!" the leafer Man said as he pulls out Peter, Frank Jr, Frank, John and Tyler of the tree.

"Why you..." Peter said as he and the leafer start fight as Frank Jr jump in to whale the leafer by the balls.

"Oh, my God! Stop fighting!" Lois said as the leafer ignore her as hits both Peter and Frank Jr until Lois beats him up instead to keep her family out of trouble.

"Holy crap!" Frank Jr said as he looks at the power Lois has.

"Oh, my God!" Lois said as she looks at her hands at the power she wields

Meanwhile back at the house, Lois feels shame by the fight.

"Mom, you could be a world champion, and no one could hit you below the belt because girls don't have anything down there." Chris said

"Can you teach me to kick ass?" John said as his genes beg to learn how to fight.

"Oh, no. I do not condone violence. And I am not gonna be responsible for bringing fist fighting into our schools." Lois said as she would not teach anyone to fight for violence.

"Gee, Lois. Can you hear me all the way back there in the '50s?" Brian said as he makes horrible joke about the 50s.

"Well, that was lame." Stewie and Tyler said as they were dress with arrow shot threw their heads.

"Poor Peter. I emasculated him in front of all those people. I think he's really upset." Lois said as she thinks Frank Jr and Peter are embarrassed from her fight. Until she hears something outside.

"Gather around, everybody. $10 is all it takes! Step right up and fight my Grandma!" Frank Jr said with a blow horn.

"Come one, come all. She floats like a butterfly and stings like when I pee." Peter said.

"Peter, I am not a sideshow attraction, at least not anymore." Lois said as she set a cutaway flashback.

 **Cutaway**

We see a dwarf Lois inside a cage at a carnival as she is bouncing on trampoline.

"Me likey bouncy. Me likey bouncy" she repeats herself.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"I want you to get rid of all this right now because I am never fighting again. Ever!" Lois said as she leave in a huff.

"Come on, Chris. We'll have to go to Plan B." Peter said as Frank Jr change their sign to "watch my son wrestle an imaginary bear!"

"Oh, no! Ah! Oh, God! Oh, my God! Help me! Help me, for God's sake! He's gonna kill me! Help!" Chris said as he growling to fight the bear but he was losing the fight.

"Don't worry. It's a trained bear. He's in no real danger." Frank Jr said to reinsure the customers.

Meanwhile at the Jared Fellows Tae-Jitsu dojo, Jared was teaching his student while we see Frank, Lois, Peter and Frank Jr entering the dojo.

"He's teaching a class. I can't bother him now." Lois said as she trying to leave but Frank won't let her.

"Sure you can. Hey! Hey, Ralph Macchio! My wife here needs to talk to you. There you go, honey." Peter said as he got the trainer attention and he slaps Lois's butt for support.

"What is it, Frank and Lois?" Trainer said as he asked his students.

"I-I don't think we should do tae-jitsu anymore. I'm afraid I'm gonna hurt someone." Lois said as Frank agrees with as he feel something inside him is try to come out.

"But, Lois, Frank, you two my star pupils. I want you two in my advanced class." Trainer said as he tells them the news about being excellent student and wants them to succeed.

"Advanced class? No, no, no, no. I'm trying to quit." Frank said while his he feels like he is about to imploded.

"Fine, quit. But get used to people walking all over the two of you." Trainer said.

"Wait, hold on there. Nobody walks all over my wife and Son in law, because I won't let them." Peter said in argument.

"Peter..." Lois said as she feels that he is emasculating her in front of her sensei.

"Quiet, Lois. Men are talking. She learns things eventually, it just takes her longer. Come on, honey, we're outta here. If you hurry, I'll let you try on hats. I won't let you buy, but you can try 'em on." Peter said as he drags lois and Frank out of the dojo to try on some hats.

"We'll do it." Frank said as he finally caves in into his saiyan instincts as he knows wants learn how to defend his family.

As Inspiring instrumental music is playing as Jared was training Frank and Lois by doing fist strikers combos as they Grunting and growling.

Then Lois was kicking a punching bag with her left leg, then spin kicked off the chain.

Frank was mediating with John and Tyler to channel his energy flow, then he is running on top of the mountain on his feet. Then he slices two cement blocks with his palm.

Then we see them breaking wood borders with their feet and their fists and finally Lucy van Pelt from the comic strip _Peanuts_ appears and pulls away a football from Frank Jr as he tries to kick it as she does to Charlie Brown. Lois then kicks her in the face

"Sobbing!" Lucy crying said as Jared bow at his students.

Now we join Lois and Frank taking their kids to the park.

Frank Jr, Stewie, you two want to swing? Lois asked her son and Grandson.

"Yes. Why not? I'll have a go at it. Perhaps a quick stretch first." Stewie said as he does some stretches until he pops a bone.

"Damn! Must've pulled something playing hoops last week." Frank Jr said as he set up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Stewie playing basketball with a black person.

"I know you're not putting that rock up from here. You ain't got no J" Stewie said as he is trying to block his opponent until he got the ball as Stewie is force to trip him.

"Yo, man! That's trippin'!" his opponent shouts.

"Brother, please! You're the one who's trippin'! Go on, cry home to your mama! She waitin' for ya" Stewie taunted.

"Now don't make me put my size 13s up your narrow a**!" the player threatened.

"I don't sweat you! You bring it on, b***! Now, how you gonna act? Bring that trash in here! This is my house!" Stewie cursed as he pump his chest and fist.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"Excuse me. We were about to use that." Lois said as woman and her baby took the swing for stewie.

"You snooze, you lose, lady." Woman said as lois gets piss as she stops the girl swinging.

"You have two choices. Either my baby swings from this jungle gym, or you do." Lois said as she frightened them off the swing as stewie gets on.

"Whoo, Lois! Someone's wearing their ovaries on the outside!" Stewie said with Frank Jr getting a nod in that comment.

"She saw me walking to the swing!" Lois said as she swings stewie with much strength.

"Yes, she saw you. Easy now." Frank said as he saw her swing higher as Stewie goes to the top with fear.

"Nobody walks all over me! Those days are over! Lois demands respect!" Lois said as she launches stewie off in the air as stewie Screams with Frank Jr following him near a stroller with a female baby.

"I smell a messy diaper." Stewie said as he smells her diaper with a sexual tone.

"God! Why does that turn Him on?" Frank Jr said with disgust of Stewie's sexual ticks.

Meanwhile at the Mallque/Griffin house, the Griffin Twin, Chris, John and Tyler were raking leaves. As the twins goes for the last two leaves Chris stop them

"Hold it, Girls. Those two are mine." Chris said.

"What?" Meg asked in a question tone.

"That's Randy and that's Fred. Randy is the messy one. Fred's very neat. When you get them together, hoo-hoo, hold onto your sides." Chris said as Persephone picks up the two leaves.

"Nice to meet you both." Persephone said as she destroyed the leaves as Tyler, Frank Jr and Chris all gasp in horror.

"Murderer!" Chris said as he, Tyler and Frank Jr chase Persephone to get her back until Lois stops them.

"Stop it, all of you! Starting now, you Four are gonna love each other! Now stay that way." Lois said as she forces them to hug and love each forever as she leaves them alone.

"It's gonna be weird to potty." Frank Jr said with Chris and Tyler nod in that response.

"Sheesh, Frank, Lois, look at the garbage those damn leafers dumped on our lawn. New York Post, New York Magazine, the New York Mets." Peter said as points out a pile of New York newspaper, New York Magazine and a dead New York baseball team.

"Pops, I'm sick and tired of hearing you whine about the leafers! Take some action! Free the beast!" Frank said as he grabs his sword from his room a started practice sword technique with Lois in front of the leafers and some of them run in fear of his power.

"That was strangely arousing." Quagmire said at his window with his Wang out until it slams shut with Wang stuck as he shouts in pain and Grunts as he tries to take it out.

"Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah. Yeah. It's in a window this time." Quagmire said as he calls 911 for help.

"Wow, look at them run." Brian and John said as they cheer for the leafers to leaving town.

"Wait a second, Brian and John. That gives me an idea." Peter said as he has plan to exploits Lois' fighting abilities to drive the leafers back to New York.

Now we zoom in on the Drunken clam as we see Peter, Frank, Frank Jr and Lois going inside.

"The Drunken Clam? Why couldn't we go someplace fancy like The Olive Garden?" Frank said as he gets Lois hungry.

"Oh, the breadsticks. Me likey breadsticks! Me likey!" Lois said as she is bouncing like her dwarf self for food.

"You're a big girl now. Stop it!" Lois said to self as she calms down.

"Hold on, Grandma. Excuse me, New Yorker. I think you're in my seat, and My Dad had sex with your mother last night." Frank Jr said to a sleep Leafer on the counter.

"Frank Jr, are you crazy?" Lois said as she questions Frank Jr's behavior.

"What did you say?" Man said to our little hero as peter come in to add to the steam.

"About his seat, or about my plowing your father's wife?" Peter said as he pisses off the Leafer into hit him until Lois punches him out.

"What the hell are you doing?" Lois asked peter in an angry tone as Peter and Frank Jr ignore her to bug another Leafer.

"Excuse me. Is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you. Very homosexually." Peter said as he pisses off the Leafer

What? Man said as he tries to punch Frank Jr until Lois caught the blow.

You wanna dance? Lois said as she flips the guy into a table.

"Jets suck! Yankees suck! Knicks suck!" Peter said as he pisses off the Leafers with their football teams as Frank puts them down with few punches combos and spilt kicks.

"Krypton sucks!" Frank Jr said as Zod and his gang, Ursa and Non, were seen in The Drunken Clam, and when he said "Krypton sucks", Zod and his gang attacked Frank Jr. Lois threw all three of them into the Phantom Zone, and they drifted off into space like the first Superman movie. As Lois and Frank clean the clam with their skills, the remaining leafers ran away out the door.

"That's right. Go back where you came from, you bastards." Frank Jr said as he closes the door with a leafer crashing near it.

Meanwhile at Jared Fellows Tae-Jitsu dojo where all the student are already black belts.

"We'll conclude today's graduation ceremony with a demonstration by the black belts. Okay, people, let's show them what we've learned. Kathy, get in there with Lois." Trainer said as points at his two students to show them their stuff to the crowd.

"I can't. I have cramps." Kathy said in a quite tone.

"Why are you putting me up against the scrubs, Jared? Why don't you be a man and fight me yourself?" Lois said as She challenges Jared in a martial arts contest.

"Lois, the sensei is a sacred position. he could never violate the spiritual bond of the student-master relationship." Frank said with Jared nod at his pupil wisdom.

"Oh. Then allow me." Lois said as she slaps jared like a bitch as he pisses off jarred and Frank.

"The bond is broken!" Trainer said as he getting ready to fight until Frank stops him by telling him he will held her.

"Then spin the wheel, Raggedy Man!" Lois said as she in her fighting pose as Martial arts fight music playing in the back ground.

"Give it your best shot!" Frank said as he used _Flying Punch,_ a Technique that allows Him to uppercuts Lois on his way into the air. Then Frank Used his Multiple Shadow Clone Technique, Frank creates nine hundred and ninety-nine clones. To start with, the opponent is kicked high into the air, while yelling "U-ZU-MA-KI". The thousand bodies then pummel the opponent with both their left and right fists equaling two thousand punches. Finally, it is finished with a final simultaneous blow from both left and right hand uppercut as Lois fall in pain.

"Goruto's 2000 Blows Barrage!" Frank Shouts his Japanese name as he punches Lois down on the floor. As Peter and the family look in shocked as to what the hell is happing. As lois recovers to do some punch kick combos to lower Frank's guard. Even doing blocking franks blow as they do __ _Attack Clash!_

"So am I supposed to be intimidated by you?" Lois said.

"I am a Saiyan of Earth! And I will never back down!" Frank said as he broke the clash with his famous Kamehameha wave, as He fires it at Lois; Meter Burn has him doing one longer than the standard Kamehameha move, which is shorter in comparison.

"Go, Frank! Pummel him with your powerful fists of female fury! And then when he's weary, emasculate her with your incessant whining! Brother! Yakety, yak, yak, yak. You know. Enjoy the fight." Stewie said to his follow spectator as Frank starts to glow golden as he uses his Super Move.

All the Fusion heart Heroes transform into their respective Six paths sage modes, after which they all head in to attack the opponent in the following order: Simon punches Lois, Nunnally slashes them with its claws, Menma bulldozes them towards Rage, who kicks them, allowing Rolo thrust their body for Lelouch to spray it with acid, which leads to Ven in the air as he thrusting the opponent towards Kamina, whose punch allows Frank to ram them into the ground. After the sequence, the Heroes unite their tails into a single attack, pummeling Lois to summation.

"Team Fusion Heart Full Charge brawl!" Frank shout his cry of victory as he stands on top of Lois like a hero.

"Frank, that was amazing! Congratul-" Meg said until Frank kiss her and then grab and touch her vigina.

"This is mine! This is where my babies come from!" frank shouted until Frank Jr push him off.

Meanwhile at the Mallque house at night we see Peter watching TV in his room.

"And now back to the Movie of the Week: Speed 3 - Glacier of Doom." Announcer said.

"If this glacier goes slower than one mile a year, we're all dead!" Man said.

"Tell me something I don't know! Get out of the way!" Woman said as she warns an eskimo but he ignore her. Until the tv was turnoff by piss off Lois Griffin.

"Lois, I was watching that." Peter asked as Lois looks at peter.

"What you looking at?" Peter asked

"The underpants, lose 'em!" Lois said in a demanding tone.

"Actually, I sort of have a headache, kinda. See, maybe tomorrow, or..." Peter said

"Take 'em off!" Lois said as she refuses to take "no" for an answer when it comes to sex with Peter.

"Yeah. Okay, honey." Peter said as he takes off his underpants.

Meanwhile in the kitchen, Stewie walks in on Peter eating his graham crackers, and gets very angry.

"Whoa! What the hell are you doing? Those are my graham crackers!" Stewie shouted at peter.

"Run along, Stewie. Daddy had a rough night." Peter said in a low sad tone.

Why you tottering, femme-sucked dewberry. I'm going to go find something to strike you with. Excuse me. Stewie said as he goes for his bat in his room.

"Good morning. Grandpa Peter!" Frank Jr said as he enters the kitchen with Brian following him.

"you look terrible. What happened?" Brian asked Peter on what happened last night.

"Last night, Lois was the man!" Peter tells Brian and Frank Jr what Lois did on sex night.

"Good Lord!" Brian shouted as Frank Jr had a question look on what happened to his grandpa.

"I just want you to know, Brian-I didn't cry." Peter said as he whines from the sex.

"It's okay." Brian said but that's when Stewie strikes Peter with a baseball bat.

"Oh, no! Peter! Stewie, what did you do?" Lois said as she panics of what Stewie did to peter.

"Looks like he freed the beast all over the back of Peter's head." Brian said as explains what happened.

Oh, my God. This is my fault. This is my fault. I brought violence into this house! I am the worst mother in the world! Lois said as Stewie ripe his shirt to reveal a tape recorder.

"Aha! I got it all on tape!" Stewie said as he play the tape.

"Okay. This is me interviewing Ed Sullivan. What's new, Ed?" as Stewie change his voice to Ed Sullivan. "Well, Stewie, tonight we have a really big show." Stewie said while Imitating Ed Sullivan. "Okay. And now a word from our sponsors. "It takes a very steady hand. Don't touch the sides! Butter fingers." Stewie said in the tape while tuning the tape off to explain himself.

"I was making radio shows for fun. Everybody does it. Everybody I know...shut up!" Stewie said but that is when Frank Jr strikes Stewie with a baseball bat.

"Well that was annoying!" Frank Jr said as he leave the room.

Meanwhile at the Quahog's Child Psychology Center, as Lois resolves to rid the house of anger. She takes Frank Jr and Stewie to a child's anger management class as they observe them threw a window.

"Now, Frank Junior and Stewart, I want you to take this Mommy doll and this Daddy doll and show me how they act together." Psychologist said as he pass two dolls to Frank Jr and Stewie.

"Yes. Very well. All right. "You see, Margaret, after 20-odd years of marriage, your curious indiscretions no longer phase me." Frank Jr said, as he inmate's the man dolls voice while talking to stewie's female doll.

"Really? And I suppose you think I enjoy hanging onto those hammocky deposits of gin sugars you call buttocks?" Stewie said, as he inmate's the woman dolls voice to respond to Frank Jr's doll until they saw.

"What was that? What did you just write there?" Frank Jr said as he takes his notebook as he and Stewie and he read what he wrote.

"Give me that!" Psychologist said as he try to reach his notebook but fail.

"Insecurity? Gender confusion?" Frank Jr said as he gives the Psychologist a piss off look.

"We'll give you something to write about! Ooh, look at us! I'm insane! And he is Martin Lawrence on a bender!" Stewie said as he a page of psychiatrist notebook as both Stewie and Frank Jr attacks the psychiatrist by biting his ears.

"Mr. and Mrs. Griffin, does Stewart and Frank Junior have a history of aggression?" Psychologist said with a damaged but bandaged ear.

"No, no. Stewie Hitting Peter and Frank Jr Hitting Stewie are the first violent thing they ever done." Lois said as Frank Jr and Stewie were playing in a play pen.

"Technically, the first act of violence was that time bomb I left ticking in your uterus before I came out. Happy 50th birthday, Lois." Stewie said with an evil tone.

"It's obvious that your son is learning this behavior from someone?" Psychologist question the Griffin couple.

"I know who's responsible for Stewie and Frank Jr's behavior. But if I told you who it was, Lois would beat the crap out of me. Peter said as he points at the person responsible for the pain.

"Now, just a minute!" Lois interrupted peter as he screamed in fear of get violated.

"The whole reason I started fighting is because of you anf Frank! I felt weak! You and Frank never listen to me! You two undermine me in front of the kids! And besides, you two are not exactly Fathers of the Year yourselves." Lois said as she makes her point.

"Well, there seems to be a lot of anger in your household. You owe it to your son and your Grandson to learn how to manage these feelings." Psychologist said as Stewie Guillotines a bear while Frank Jr bonks him with a plastic bat.

"Manage what?" Frank Jr said in question on to what the Psychologist said.

Meanwhile at the Mallque/Griffin house, everyone was having a meeting in the living room.

I know I went a little overboard with my tae-jitsu. But from now on, we're not gonna have any more anger in this house, okay? Lois said.

"Well, then tell Chris to quit drawing pictures of me with a pig's body." Meg said.

"Don't censor me!" Chris shouted as he trying attack meg until Lois stops them.

"No more anger! Okay. The psychologist wants us to try an exercise called "role reversal," where we pretend to be the person who makes us angry. I'll go first. "Don't listen to your mother, kids. She's worthless and dumb, and ignore her, and only listen to me-Peter." Lois said as he inmates peter to make fun of him.

"I'm Lois. I brake for yard sales. But I don't let Peter buy anything he likes. Like that Narragansett beer stein where the hot chick has two mugs for jugs." It was eight freakin' dollars, and we have a dozen places to put it!" Peter said as he inmates Lois as he gets piss off by her controlling behavior.

"Oh, oh, me next, me next! "I'm the dog. I'm well-read and have a diverse stock portfolio. But I'm not above eating grass clippings and regurgitating them on the small braided rug near the door." Stewie said as he inmates Brian to a degree.

"I'm a pompous little anti-Christ who will probably abandon my plans for world domination when I grow up and fall in love with a rough trick named Jim." Brian said as he inmates Stewie as he confesses that Stewie is gay.

As we join peter getting a juice box as he is trying to get open with a straw but it doestn go in as he gets piss off. Then he snaps by smashing the box open leaving the juice on the table as he using the straw to suck up the juices.

Whoa, whoa, Pops, calm down. Frank said as he, Frank Jr and Brian come in to the kitchen.

"I'm sick of Lois' anger-management techniques, Guys. They're not working." Peter said as he gets more piss off on Lois.

"What about the writing-angry-letters- and-not-sending-them exercise?" Brian said as he explains about those angry-letters and-not-sending-them exercise.

"Aw, jeez, I wasn't supposed to send those? Grandpa told me to mail those letters." Frank Jr said as he sends those letter in the mail.

"Look. I got a letter from Dad." "Dear Meg, for the first four years of your life, I thought you were a housecat." "Dad!" Meg shouted at peter.

"Dear Stewie, get out." Oh, that's nice. Stewie said as he gets piss offs.

"Mine just says, "Dear Lois." And after that, it looks like someone just spit on the paper! You got something to say to me?" Lois said as she gets into an argument with Peter.

"Yeah. PS... Frank Jr!" Peter said as Frank Jr get a Deep snort ready to spit at Lois.

"Hold on a second." Peter said as Frank Jr got the spit loggie ready until Brian and Frank stops them.

"Hold on, hold on. Relax. Everybody, relax. All right, look, I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, but we need to get our anger under control before we kill each other. No!" Frank said as he calms everyone down.

"So, my psychiatrist gave me these pills. They're mood elevators. I think they could help...even us out." Brian said as he tries to convince them by giving them supposed mood elevating drugs.

"We're not taking pills. It's not natural." Lois said as she is not taking drugs to calm down the family.

"Neither is bleaching the hair on your upper lip, Martin Mull!" Peter said as he insults Lois's lip hair.

"Give us the pills!" Lois said as she takes a lot of pills.

As African tribal music play in the Mallque/Griffin house as all of the family was chanting.

 **ALL of the family**

 _Ah-Oom, bop-bop, Ah-Oom, bop-bop._

 **Stewie**

 _Hey, oh, mother Africa!_

 **ALL of the family**

 _Ah-Oom, bop-bop!_

"That was fun. What country should we do next?" Lois asked the family

"Monaco! Oh, wait. That's a principality." Chris said

"You guys want to hear something really funny? Those pills I gave you were placebos. Sugar pills!" Brian said as he ends up that he lied and gave them placebos.

"Wait a minute. Are you telling me I sang Ladysmith Black Mambazo for nothing?" Peter said as he gets piss off.

"Did it kill you to be multi-cultural for a minute?" Lois said as she questions Peter's soul.

"I died a little inside, yes. You happy now?" Peter shouted at Lois.

"Don't you use that tone of voice, you..." Lois said as she argues.

"What were you going to say?" "Fat ass"? Peter said as he calls her out.

"Wide load"? Chris said.

"Dough boy"? Meg and Persephone said.

"Retarded fat-ass?" Frank said.

"Drunken wide load?" Frank Jr said.

"Dirty Butt hole?" John and Tyler said.

"Country virtuoso Roy Clark"? Stewie said.

"How about "all of the above?" Lois said.

"How is this for a name?" "Miss, Pony Express is in." "What do you got for me, Joe?" "Let me see here. It's here somewhere. Here we are. A big bag of liver spots for Lois!" Peter said as Lois punches Peter to the big radio.

"You…you just hit me" Peter complained.

"That's right!" Lois exclaimed as Peter punched her to the ground.

"You can't hit me! I'm a girl!" Lois shouted.

"Sometimes I wonder" Peter wondered as Lois attacks him with a roundhouse kick. "Kicking, Lois?"

"Ha! Hurts, doesn't it?" Lois asked.

"You tell me" Peter retaliated as he kicked her in the ankle, but she kicks him to the radio. The parents box each other out as Peter head-butts Lois multiple times.

"Go, Dad! Kick her a**!" Chris cheered.

"Shut up! This is all Dad's fault" Meg argued as she pushes her brother.

"I don't like to be touched!" Chris shouted as he and Meg started wrestling on the ground. Meg punches Chris multiple times as Chris hits her head multiple times as well.

Stewie rides on Brian as Lois throw things at Peter.

Brian knocks Stewie down by the edge of a table as the baby falls down while the dog runs away. Chris throws Meg down the stairs as he body slams her, but Meg retaliates by locking him in a half nelson. Peter punches Lois multiple times as Lois kicks his face many times as well. Brian attacks Stewie with a piece of glass as the baby head-butts the dog. Meg pulls Chris' hair, but he hits his sister with a lamp. Peter and Lois continue fighting each other to the death. Then she slams a photo of a donkey on Peter's head. Everyone pauses fighting for a second as they share a laugh, but Stewie attacks his mom with a chair and the family resumes fighting.

We see Frank Jr, Frank, Persephone, John, and Tyler watching them fight as they share a big bag of popcorn.

"I think this is pretty cool!" Persephone said.

"Can I join in?" Frank Jr asked.

"Maybe next year" John said.

Later that night, they are all covered in bandages.

"Man, I'm glad we got that out of our systems." Brian said as he Laughing off the beating.

"I wonder what came over us?" Frank Jr asked his mom as she hugs her sister and family for not join in the fight.

"Maybe people are naturally violent." Tyler said about everyone's behavior.

"I don't believe that. I think it's all the TV we watch. There's so much violence." Frank said.

"Yeah. TV is dangerous. Why doesn't the hell doesn't the government step in and tell us what we can and can't watch? And shame on the network that puts this junk on the air!' John said as he blames the network, FOX, the writer Hero King Zeta 1991 and his creator Grand Tome Publishing.

"John? John, maybe you shouldn't say anything bad about the network." Lois and Tyler said trying to calm him down.

"Why? What are they gonna do? Cut our budget? I'm gonna go get a beer." Peter said as he walks away like a stick puppet, the show's budget is cut short as revenge.

 **Chapter ends**

 **I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thanking for pen123 and** **Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas. Also a change my name to Hero King Zeta 1991.**


	9. Chapter 36:the kiss see around the world

**Chapter 36: The Kiss Seen Around the World**

 **Opening Credits**

 _It seems today that all ya see_

 _Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

 _But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

 _On which we used to rely_

 _Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

 _Lucky there's a man who_

 _Positively can do_

 _All the things that make us_

 _Laugh n' Cry_

 _He's_

 _a_

 _Fam_

 _-ily_

 _Guy!_

 **End**

As we join our favorite family as they got to a toy store name "TOYS "R" OVERPRICED!" As they see the store is big pact with lots of people,

"Oh, my! This place is enormous!" Lois said as she looks around the place with her family while holding Stewie.

Oh, man! They got these little plastic disc guns! I haven't seen one of these since Cleveland's wedding. Peter said as he, Frank, Frank Jr and Brian to a stand with little plastic disc guns as his flashbacks to Cleveland's wedding.

 **Cutaway**

The scene shifts to Cleveland's wedding.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the joining of these two young people…" a priest recites as Frank throws something at Cleveland's hair and laughs.

"...in the bonds of holy matrimony…" the priest continues as Peter repeats his actions.

"...consecrated before God Almighty" Peter repeats what Frank did, one more time as the priest finishes reciting.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Hey! Stratego! I used to love this game. Oh, my God! Abe Vigoda? Brian said as he takes Stratego from the bored game shelf as it revels Abe Vigoda behind the game.

"Go bother Steve Guttenberg. He's behind the Chinese checkers." Abe Vigoda said as he reveals Steven Guttenberg hiding behind the Chinese checkers.

"Abe, shut up!" Steve Guttenberg said as he scolds him behind the Chinese checkers.

As we zoom in to Peter Cheerful music playing on keyboard with Frank, Brian, Chris and Frank Jr watching him.

"Hey, look at me, Chris! I'm Yanni, sans the attitude." Peter said as he pretends to play the piano as a person comes around being impress by Peter's bullshit.

"My God, that's amazing! You are so talented." Holden Caufield said as he comments peter flake playing the piano.

"Huh?" Peter said as he stops playing as it reveal that he was flaking at piano.

"Wait a second! Something's not right here. You were just making it look like you were playing. You're a phony! Hey! This guy's a great big phony.' Holden Caufield shouted at as he was piss off until Frank Jr kick him in the nuts.

"Come on, Frank, Frank Jr and Chris." Peter said as they leave Holden Caufield on the floor with his nuts hurting.

As we zoom in on stewie play a Hasbro Perfection game as he was startled by it. The Concentration timer buzzing on his lost as he freaky out on the yellow piece's fly around him.

"There you are." Peter said as he and the gang found stewie on the gaming table.

"You're a great big phony. And your kid is and asshole You know that? Holden Caufield said as he rubs his balls and complain about peter being a phoney and Frank Jr being an asshole. Which piss off Frank as he goes in to finish what Frank Jr started.

"You wanna go bitch, let's go!" Frank said as he jumps Holden Caufield and he kicks his ass.

"Come on Frank Jr and Stewie. Your moms, Frank and I have something for you." Peter said as he and Frank leads both Frank Jr and Stewie to where their mothers are.

"Let me guess. You picked out another colorful box with a crank that We expected to turn and turn until big shock, a jack pops out. You laugh, John and Tyler laugh, the kids laugh, the dog laughs and I die a little inside." Stewie said as he and Frank walk as they follow peter as Stewie complains if they get a crappie toy.

"Surprise, honey!" Lois and Meg shouted as they reveal a tricycle and a skateboard.

"A trikie!" Stewie shouted as he ran towards his new tricycle.

"A skateboard!" Frank Jr as he try out his board as he does flips and grids.

"I think they both likes their gifts!" Peter said as Frank agreed with a nod while watching Frank Jr do tricks on his skateboard. As Chris puts an army guy near his nose.

"When I stick this army guy with the sharp bayonet up my nose it tickles my brain. Ow! Oh, now I don't know math." Chris said as he lost his memory of math thanks to poking his brain. As we zoom in on the family going to the car while we see Stewie and Frank Jr jumping around their dad to give them back their new toys.

"Give it to me! Give it to me now, damn it!" Frank Jr and Stewie shouted as they keep jumping for their toys.

"Not now, Boys. When we get home." Lois said as they arrive to their car to see Holden Caulfield spray paint the word phony on the station wagon.

"That's right! You're a big, fat phony!" Holden Caufield said until Frank had it as he jumps him again with John and Tyler since they are also sick of him as well.

Meanwhile at James woods Regional High school, Neil Goldman was doing video presentation.

"What I'm about to show you is a fight scene from Star Trek, Season 1, Episode 18. And as a bonus I'll identify when it's Shatner and when it's his stunt double, Fred Lubbins. Let's watch." Neil said as he turns on the tv to watch the fight scene from Star Trek, Season 1, Episode 18.

"That's Shatner, of course." Neil said as it shows Shatner as Captain Kirk fighting a lizard man name the gore.

"That's Lubbins." Neil said as he is showing Lubbins getting punch by the gore.

"Then that's Shatner." Neil said as he is showing Shatner punching back at the gore.

"That's Lubbins." Neil said as he is showing Lubbins falling back to a rock.

"That's Shatner." Neil said as he is showing Shatner kick the Gore back from stabbing him with a knife.

"That's Lubbins." Neil said as he is showing Lubbins climbing the rock to get away from the Goren.

"Now, that's Shatner, but when I freeze-frame you can clearly see Lubbins' coffee cup on that rock." Neil said as he is showing Shatner on top of the rock as it freeze-frames to see Lubbins' coffee cup on that rock.

"He is the biggest dork on the planet." John said to Tyler.

"Oh, totally." Tyler agreed with his best buddy as the presentation was over.

"And so, because of his rough-and-tumble style of command, Captain Kirk is clearly superior to Jean-Luc Picard. Any questions? Persephone?" Neil said as he gets close to his crush Persephone to asked any question about his presentation.

"No! Leave me alone!" Persephone said as she tries to scooch away from Neil as she asks him to go away.

"Thank you, Neil, for that totally irrelevant presentation. We all know Captain Picard is the superior officer." Mr. McCloud said he has argued that the "superior officer" is an always Captain Picard from Star Trek: The Next Generation.

As Persephone get a note from the back of the class room saying "I want you!" as she turns around to it was Neil passes the note reading "I Want You" and points at her while dressed as Uncle Sam. This is a reference to World War I and World War II military recruitment posters. She then crushes the note in anger as Connie D'Amico rushes into the classroom.

"Hey, everybody! Mr. Lassenbee's getting arrested!" Connie said as she reveals some startling news.

As the Students chattering while Mr. Lassenbee is taken in for his crime while passing the principle office, as Principal Shepherd watches threw his door window with his name on it until it reveals that it was on his vest sweater.

"What in God's name? Mr. Lassenbee, what the hell's going on here?" Principal Shepherd asked Mr. Lassenbee on what he do to get arrested.

"Apparently, there's some law against teaching the evolutionary theory that Gil Gerard used a time machine, went back, and ejaculated into the primordial ooze." Mr. Lassenbee said as he reveals his crackpot theory of evolution.

"This stupid country." Principal Shepherd said in a piss off tone, mean that he believes in that theory.

"Hello. Tom Tucker live at James Woods High School with this sensational breaking story. A teacher caught molesting children...with crackpot theories. Full story at 11:00." Tom Tucker said his news report on Mr. Lassenbee's crime inside the school.

"And out." Cameraman said as they end their filming the event.

"Oh, my God! That's Tom Tucker from the news!" Persephone said to her twin sister Meg as she goes goo goo for Tom tucker.

"Hey, kids. Remember, Mr. T says, "I pity the fool who does drugs." Tom Tucker said as he waves goodbye to the kids.

As Sweeping instrumental music playing while Persephone images Tom winking at her while walking in slow motion. while John see what she looking at as he gets jealous.

"Better hurry up, Mr. Tucker." Cameraman said to tom to hurry up.

"I'm coming." Tom Tucker said as he was actually walking in slow motion.

Meanwhile at the Mallque/Griffin house at night, as we join Persephone watches the channel 6 news until,

"And now it's time for _Frank Jr With Vital Information For Your Everyday Life_."

This time, Frank Jr is on a deck overlooking a beach. He's in green and black bathing shorts decorated with a teeth pattern, a green tank-top, and his usual specs.

"My we do keep running into each other don't we? Hi, I'm Frank Jr. Most know me as Manny the Mauler. Others know me as Mister Magic Mutton Chops. And some know me as Debbie. But you can call me Matter-Eater Lad, and I have some information crucial to your lives."

"I wish you would get hit by an old lady!" the off screen voice yells. "And I wish you would stop _being_ an old lady! Now come over here and build a perpetual motion device!" "I don't wanna!"

Frank Jr took of his specs and rubbed his eyes. Then he put them back on.

"It's fun to bring a beach-ball to the beach. It's _not_ fun to bring a rabid raccoon. Example..." Frank Jr tosses a rabid raccoon into the beach. The beach-goers start screaming and running around. "IT'S EATING MY EYES!" "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!" "SOYLENT GREEN IS MADE OF PEOPLE!"

"When life gives you lemons, give life a wedgie!"

"Don't count your chickens before they hatch. Count your zits before they pop."

"If you have two heads, four noses, and a tail where your belly button should be, you ain't coming over to my house your circus freak!"

"They say the early bird catches the worm. I sure hope not!" Frank Jr covers his crotch area.

"Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all? Mirror mirror in my hut, I sure hope you kiss my butt!"

"My Cousin Zeke told me 'be kind to others and you will have all the riches in the world.' He also thought there were little men in his head trying to steal his bathtub. We don't visit Cousin Zeke anymore."

"I told the witch doctor I was in love with you. The witch doctor said "put your pants back on, this is a library!"

"Always look before you cross the street. The same should not be said when grandma's putting on her bra." Frank Jr shivers.

"Snow White married Prince Charming, Cinderella married Prince Charming, Sleeping Beauty married Prince Charming, heck _I_ married Prince Charming. We're registered at Bloomingdale's." Frank Jr giggles like a school girl.

"When you steal someone's heart, it means you're in love. When you actually do it, it means you're a murderer. Have fun in prison!"

"Well this has been fun. If you'll excuse me I have to give grandma her bacon in the tub. Good night."

"This has been Frank Jr with Vital Information For Your Everyday Life."

"And now the reports indicate she has also consumed a record amount of seamen." Diane Simmons said as she takes over the news.

"Well, that sounds like one powerful hurricane, Diane. In other news, school-board elections took place last evening. And with six precincts reporting, candidate Fred Johnson leads candidate..." Tom Tucker said as "Moving in Stereo" by The Cars playing in the background mirrors the pool scene of Phoebe Cates in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

"Hi, Meg. You know how cute I think you are." Tom Tucker said as The scene is Persephone fantasizes about Tom Tucker emerging from a swimming pool and removing his shirt with the Cars song "Moving in Stereo" playing in the background.

As song continues with Persephone walking towards Tom to kiss him until it show her about to kiss the screen.

"Turmoil at the White House when President Bush stuck his finger in an electrical socket. "Tom Tucker said as John and Brian comes in to see Persephone kiss the screen.

"Whoa!" brain and John said as they were shock into what they saw.

"Gasp!" Persephone said as she was exposed to john and Tyler.

"Yikes! Awkward." Brian and John said as Tyler comes in to drag them away.

"Cheney told me that's where leprechauns hide their gold." "More at 11." Tom Tucker said as he continued the new as we go back outside of the house to see Holden Caufield doing his bit.

"You know who lives in this house? A great big phony! And a family of Assholes! That's right! A phony and asshole family lives here! A big fat asshole phony Family! "Holden Caufield said until he was shocked by Hagoromo Uzumaki, because he is sick of his shit. As we zoom in on Stewie and Frank Jr working on their toys.

"I say! Look at us! we feel like a regular grease monkey!" Stewie said as we set a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Stewie and Frank Jr working as grease monkeys in a mechanic shop.

"Hey, remember that time I had that Mustang?" Frank Jr asked.

"Oh, yeah! You took her for a spin that time" Stewie answered.

"Yeah, that was awesome!" Frank Jr added.

"Then those chowderheads on the corner busted your stones" Stewie commented as he and Frank Jr share a laugh.

"Hey, that guy's sister says anything about me?" Stewie asked.

 **Cutaway Ends**

As we tune into Quahog channel 5 news at 6:00 am with Frank, Meg, Lois, Brian and Peter watch it on TV.

"Oh, my God! I'm missing the news!" Persephone shouted as she arrives to the living room.

"We all miss The News, Persephone. But Huey Lewis needs time to create, and we have to learn to be patient." Peter replies as he referring to the rock band Huey Lewis and the News.

"And in entertainment, Mary Tyler Moore is 64 years old today." Diane Simmons said her report in entertainment.

"Really? 64?" Tom Tucker asked Diane Simmons.

"Yes." Diane Simmons reply.

"Now I thought she was dead." Tom Tucker asked again.

"Nope. She's alive." Diane Simmons answer.

"Fantastic! And now this." Tom Tucker said as we cut to pre-recorded shot back stage with Tom and Diane siting on a desk.

"Are you a high-school student interested in the glamorous world of unpaid internships? If so, we'd like to invite you to try out for Channel 5's Young Anchor Program." Tom Tucker asked the viewers.

"Oh, wow!" Persephone said, as she wants to join the news team with John following her in secret.

"You'll gain valuable experience, have a chance to work closely with Tom and me and best of all, produce your own on-air report." Diane Simmons explain what the job is and how the worker contributes.

"So, call us now." Tom Tucker said to the viewers

"Yeah!" Both jump and freeze frame.

"Channel Five is not responsible for anyone burned, maimed, impaled, or molested during actual internship." Announcer said the entire problem that they are not responsible for.

Meanwhile at the channel 5 news building as Persephone enters the building as she notices a sign that point is right for boys left for girls, so she goes left as Tom Tucker interviews boys for Channel 5's Young Anchor Program.

"All right, question number one. Would you consider growing a moustache?" Tom Tucker asked the boy a question.

"I guess so." Boy answer.

"Question number two. Look at my moustache. Do you think it tickles women when I kiss them?" Tom Tucker asked the boy another question.

"I don't know?" Boy answer.

"Wrong. The answer is "only slightly." Only slightly. Next!" Tom Tucker said as John behind the door notice that this will be a piece of cake until he notices his competition. As we zoom in to the girl's side with Diane look at the girls.

"Oh, God! I can't hire any of these girls. They're all too pretty. Their breasts are too perky. Perfect!" Diane Simmons Thinking aloud as she sees threes hot girls, a black girl, blonde hair girl and brunette girl. Until she sees Persephone and she made her choice.

"Congratulations! You got the job." Diane Simmons said as she went with Persephone as her choice.

"Oh, my God! Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! This is beyond anything I've ever dreamed of." Persephone said as she is glad that she was chosen.

"You and your partner will start first thing tomorrow after school." Diane Simmons said

"Great! Who's my partner?" Persephone asked Diane on her partner.

"Hey there, hot stuff!" Neil said as it was reveal to be him and John are Persephone's partners.

"Hi Persephone!" John said as he moans as to why Neil was his co-partner.

As Suspenseful instrumental music playing as we move to the next scene the front desk.

"Well, well. It appears the fates have conspired in our favor, eh, Persephone?" Neil said as he gets close to her until John push him away from her.

"Look! Stay away from her, Neil! Just because we all work together doesn't mean she has to like you." John said as he explains to Neil that Persephone does not like him. Until Neil grabs Persephone's clipboard.

"Give it to me!" Persephone shouted back for her clipboard.

"What's that?" Neil asked as he tape records Persephone responses.

"Give it to me, Neil!" Persephone shouted at Neil to give back for her clipboard.

"Give it to me! Give it to me, Neil!" Persephone responses on tape was play by Neil, until John knocks him out and take the tape recorder.

"Yeah. That'll work just fine." John said so smug on his victory on the nerd as Tom and Diane walk in to the front desk.

"Hey, look who's here, Diane. It's our bright-eyed young interns. Did you two remember to wear your eager caps?" Tom Tucker asked the kids.

"I sure did, Mr. Tucker!" Persephone said eagerly.

"Great! 'Cause you two are gonna have so much fun!" Diane Simmons said so happy tone.

"Don't act any cheerier, Diane. You'll give us all diabetes." Tom Tucker said as he insults Diane's behavior is giving everyone diabetes.

"Bite me, Tom." Diane Simmons reply to tom's response as we cut scene to the back stage.

"Come on, kids! And here's where we produce us in-studio celebrity interviews. I just did one with Dustin Hoffman. He's impossible to book, but we got him." Tom Tucker said.

As we cut to tape of interview with Dustin Hoffman.

"So, Dustin, it's been a while. I got to say, you look great." Tom Tucker asked Dustin Hoffman.

"Are you trying to seduce me..." Dustin Hoffman said in a seduction scene from "The Graduate?"

"...Mr. Tucker?" Voice said the last part of question.

"I am not trying to seduce you, Dustin Hoffman. You really look great." Tom Tucker said.

"Uh-oh! Twelve minutes to Wapner." Dustin Hoffman said from a scene from "Rain Man!"

"Yes, I understand your hectic schedule. Well, Dustin, we really appreciate you taking the time to be with us here in the studio. If there's anything I can do for you..." Tom Tucker asked him again.

"Bring me Peter Pan!" Dustin Hoffman said from a scene from "Hook!"

"I'll keep my eye out for him. Thanks, Dustin." Tom Tucker said as the real tom turns off the video back in studio.

"He's this tall." Tom Tucker said as he reveals that Dustin Hoffman is short.

As we cut scene to Frank Jr and Stewie being film by Lois on them play with their new toys.

"Can you believe it? Our little Stewie learning to ride his first tricycle and Frank Jr learning to ride his skateboard." Lois said as she films them playing.

"Yeah, this is gonna be even more exciting than when Brian taught me and Frank Jr about Christopher Columbus." Peter said as he set in a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

As we go back in time with Frank Jr, Peter and Brian are drawn in the world of Mr. Peabody and Sherman.

"Where we going Grandpa Peter and Brian?" Frank Jr asked.

"Well, Frank Jr, we're going to visit the year 1492. That's when Columbus set sail on his famous voyage to the New World" Brian answered.

"Hey, we're on a ship!" Peter added.

"That's right, Peter. This is the Santa Maria, one of three ships Columbus took to find a direct route to India" Brian explained.

"Any sign of India yet, fellows?" Christopher Columbus asked.

"Nothin' yet, Captain" a sailor answered.

"India? But I thought Columbus was going to America" Frank Jr wondered.

"On the contrary, Frank Jr. Columbus discovered America entirely by mistake" Brian answered.

"Wow!" Peter and Frank Jr gets amazed.

 **Cutaway Ends**

As we zoom in on Stewie and Frank about to play with their toys.

"What the deuce do you think you're doing? Back off, fat man!" Stewie shouted as peter push Stewie on his tricycle with Frank Jr following them on his skateboard.

"Hang on, Stewie!" Peter said as he continued push Stewie on his tricycle.

"What the... Hey, let go! Get your filthy paws off! Let go! Let go, I say!" Stewie shouted at Peter to let go of his tricycle but he stops push Stewie on his tricycle at the last second.

"Let-don't let go!" Stewie shouted until he notices that he was riding his tricycle.

"Oh, this is exhilarating!" Stewie said as he masters his tricycle with Frank Jr riding his board behind him like a jet skate.

"Go, Stewie and Frank Jr!" Lois said as she cheers her son and Grandson.

"Yea, Stewie and Frank Jr!" Peter said as he also cheers for them as well.

"Here, I gotta check on dinner. You keep taping Stewie. Don't miss a moment." Lois said as she passes the camera to peter as she goes inside. As he films Stewie and Frank Jr until he notice

"I got it. Look! It's dancing with me! It's like there is this incredibly benevolent force that wants me to know there's no reason to be afraid. Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, it makes my heart burst." Peter said as he films a bag moving in the air instead of Stewie and Frank Jr. As we zoom in on god on top of a cloud in heaven.

"It is just some trash blowing in the wind! Do you have any idea how complicated your circulatory system is?" God said, as he is sick of Peter's crap as we zoom in at channel 5 studios at tom tucker's dressing room where Persephone enters to talk to him.

"Hi, Mr. Tucker. I brought you some Rice Krispie treats 'cause I remember you saying you liked them on the news. See, look. This one is in the shape of a heart." Persephone said as she offers tom tucker some Rice Krispie to eat.

"I'm sorry, but there's a handsome man in my spoon. You'll have to come back later." Tom Tucker said as Persephone sighing in love, with Neil and John watch in shocked.

"Oh, my God! Persephone is in love with Tom Tucker!" Neil said as john begins to plan to make Tom tucker pay as well as Neil.

Now we zoom in on Neil walking to Tom Tucker's dressing room with his coffee.

"Try to move in on my woman, will you, Tom Tucker? Well, no one crosses Neil Goldman and gets away with it! I added a little something to your coffee that I don't think you're gonna like." Neil said as he enters Tom Tucker's dressing room. As john watch his plan into action.

"Try to move in on my woman, will you, Tom Tucker and Neil Goldman? Well, no one crosses John and gets away with it! I also added a little something to both of your coffees that I wouldn't think you're both will like." John said as went to hide as plan commence.

"Here's your coffee, Mr. Tucker." Neil said as he passes tom his coffee.

"What the hell is in this?" Tom Tucker asked him in shocked

"Sweet'N Low! That's for trying to steal my woman!" Neil said as he gains justice for Persephone.

"Go back and bring it to me with urine in it like I asked!" Tom Tucker shouted at neil for his miss out on his coffee.

"Yes, sir." Neil said as he rounds the corner and sees John sitting on his desk.

"Oh John! Uh, John, I know that i kinda threw you under the bus by taking vengeances, okay, but I hope you understand that i didn't really have a choice." Neil said.

"It's okay Neil. I'm totally over it." John said while trying to hold his laughing.

"Well I think you're being very mature about this, John. It was an overly generous move to give me all those cupcakes. I wanna thank you." Neil said.

"Oh, you're most certainly welcome. Neil! John said as Neil walks through them and continues down the hallway.

"Well everything going to be okay uh- Neil said as he feels a pain in his stomach.

"Oooh. Oh, gee, uh..." Neil said as he feels more pain in his stomach.

"Are you feeling okay, Neil?" John asked his foe.

"Yeah, I j-I just uh I'll be right back. Oh!" Neil said as lets out a wet fart.

"Aaaah! Oh it's bad!" Neil said as the farts were so bad that then turn into bits of shit shoot out his pants onto the floor.

"Excuse me Everybody, I need to run, I gotta WUUGH!" Neil said as that last movement made him fly into the ceiling and back to the floor.

"OW!" Neil said as he felt pain as he try to get up from the floor.

"I put a lot of Arby's horsey sauce on those." John said softly as he put hot sause on those cupcakes.

"Okay, can somebody get me some paper towels? Or maybe a… Neil said as he stands up again until he poot. He hits the ceiling again and falls on his face.

"Ooowww, okay!" Neil said as he begins to slide down the hallway propelled by the poop and gas coming out his ass.

"Ooohhh, it's bad!" Neil said as he continues to slide down the hallway propelled by the poop and gas coming out his ass.

As we zoom in to Frank Jr and Stewie ride along the sidewalk with their tricycle and skateboard like pros until the meet face to face with a large bully.

"Nice bike and board." Bully said as he complements their new toys.

"Oh, if that's not the understatement of the century." Stewie said as Frank Jr realized that this is a bully and He did the one thing he learned from his father that he had to do when facing a bully.

"Cheese it!" Frank Jr shouted as he ran towards home with his board in hand.

"Well, what heck was that about? Stewie asked the bully on to what happened with his nephew.

"I don't know but your bike, It's cool. Too cool for you!" Bully said as he gets on Stewie's Tricycle.

"No, no. I think it's right where I'm at." Stewie said as he leans on his tricycle.

Out of my way! Bully said as he rides away with Stewie's Tricycle.

"I see. I suppose you do have to ride it to truly appreciate its virtues. Well then, I'll just wait here till you get back." Stewie said as he waited till the night as he got piss off.

"Where the devil is he?" Stewie shouted in anger as Brian and Tyler walk in towards him.

"You've obviously never met a bully." Brian said as he notices that Stewie doesn't know about bullies.

"What do you mean, "bully"?" Stewie said

"He wasn't taking it for a test ride. He was just taking it." Tyler said as he explains about the bully.

"You mean... He stole my trikie!" Stewie said as he Crying for his tricycle as both Brian and Tyler pet him on the head to make him feel better.

Meanwhile at the channel 5 news station we join Persephone and Neil having lunch with Tom and Diane while John is doing something else.

"You know, Mr. Tucker, has anyone ever told you your eyes are..." Persephone asked tom again about his looks until he interrupted her.

"Hang on, sweetie. I've got to call Peter Jennings and reschedule our golf game." Tom Tucker said as his Phone ringing then with Rock 'n' roll music playing on answering machine.

"This is Peter. You know what to do." Peter Jennings said threw the phone. Until the produce rush in with news.

"Mr. Tucker? Miss Simmons? There's some nut on top of Town Hall with a high-powered rifle! The gunman has been identified as the notorious Mass-media Murderer who targets members of the press." Producer said as he explains to them the news while they walk through the hallway.

"Whoa! Mass-media Murderer? You know, I think this would be a fine opportunity to give our interns real-world experience." Tom Tucker said as he decides to send the interns to cover the event rather than go themselves.

"Hey! That means you'll get to ride in the Action 5 News chopper! I'm so jealous! Better put in for new interns. Good luck!" Diane Simmons said as she and Tom thinking's that the Murderer will kill anyone who arrives at the scene.

As we zoom in on The Mass Media Murderer who's on top of Quahog City Hall threatening to kill Hugh Downs and surprisingly John.

"I've got Hugh Downs and some kid up here! And I'm gonna splatter their distinguished career all over the pavement!" Gunman said

"Why me? Why Hugh Downs? Why the media?" John asked him.

"I've got my reasons! Dan Rather thinks he can just condense a day's worth of events into a half hour." Mass Media Murderer said

"Don't get me started on Rather. Hugh Downs said

"That arrogant jerk." John agreed with Hugh down.

"Really? You two know him?" Mass Media Murderer asked in question.

"Well, he is Hugh Downs and I'm part of the news media." John said as Hugh's continued.

"I know everybody. In fact, he's right down there." Hugh Downs ssaid as he and John point towards the crowd.

"Where?" Mass Media Murderer said as John hits him in the face as they escape.

"Ha-ha! See you later, sucker!" John said as he glowed gold as he saw the channel 5 chopper, he then super jump inside to get to safety as the glow ended.

"And, by the way, Rather is an okay guy in small doses." Hugh Downs said as he moves away to the other side of the building.

"Look how close we're getting, Persephone!" Neil said as he films the action as John is trying to asked the pilot to move the chopper. Until the chopper's air blow away the Mass Media Murderer's beanie hat.

"Hey! That was my lucky assassin hat!" Mass Media Murderer said as he Gun firing the chopper with bullets as everyone was freaking out. Then Neil drop his camera on the floor.

"Mayday! Mayday! I'm going down!" Pilot said as he cheeses it out of the chopper threw parachute as the chopper land safety on top of the Quahog City Hall.

"Oh, my God, we're gonna die! There's so much of life I haven't experienced! I never even got the chance to be some drunk college guy's last resort!" Persephone said as she hug John to feel safe.

"My years of expensive orthodontic work will be a total waste!" Neil said as he tries to hug Persephone until John knocked him out.

"I never even had my first kiss!" Persephone shouted as john turned to her.

"It's not too late, Persephone." John said as Romantic instrumental music as Persephone was trying to imagine tom tucker face until she realized that John was trying to save them before. That was when her heart skipped a beat.

"I'm here for you." John said as he Fearing death and lamenting that Persephone never got her first kiss, she kisses John with tongue until Gun firing threw the window.

"Time to sign off." Mass Media Murderer said as he begins to shoot until Hugh Downs appears behind him.

"Remember me, dirt bag?" Hugh Downs said as he appears to save the day and his new friend.

"Hugh Downs!" John cheered for him.

"Don't worried John, I got your back yo!" Hugh Downs said as he pushes Mass Media Murderer down on the floor struggling for the gun as they punch each other.

As Heroic instrumental music playing in the background as Hugh Downs and Mass Media Murderer continued brawl while off the building.

As they stand they continued to fight as they struggle for the gun until Hugh Downs grabs it as he told the Mass Media Murderer to freeze and then the cops came to help.

"Wow! You saved those kids' lives, Mr. Downs!" Man said as he thanks Hugh Downs.

"All in a day's work. Remember, if you ever need me, just blow this whistle or call John Stossel's cell phone. Hugh Downs away!" Hugh Downs said as he flies away like superman.

Now we zoom in the Mallque/Griffin living room with Lois, Persephone, Meg, Frank Peter on the Couch.

"Sister, thank God you're safe!" Meg said as she hug her twin in worried.

"Honey, we were so worried." Lois said as she too joins in the hug as turn to the news report.

"We now go to Junior Anchor Neil Goldman with exclusive Channel 5 footage from today's exciting scene." Diane Simmons said as she passes it to Neil Goldmen.

Thank you, Diane. There may have been some sort of commotion on the rooftop, but the real story was inside the mouths of Persephone Griffin and Neil Goldman where a meeting of the tongues-a summit of saliva-established a new world order of love. Neil said as he gives a fake kiss about him and Persephone on the news.

As Persephone and John Screams then turn to black.

Now we continued with are program.

"Let's watch it one more time in super slow-mo! This is where we cease to be Persephone and Neil, and begin life anew as "Peil." Neil said as he shows a fake video of John and Persephone kissing with Neil face coving John.

"Oh, my God! He put that fake shit on TV, that fucking Jew?" John shouted as he glow gold again with everyone freaky out while Persephone just hind her face in shame. Then he just leave the room in anger.

"Isn't that cute, Peter? Our daughter's first love aka Pohn." Lois said as she notices that John finally scored a point.

"I just want to kill myself! I'm going upstairs right now and eat a whole bowl of peanuts!" Persephone said as Frank and Meg wave their hands in to stop this as Peter and Lois stared at her with a Blake expression.

"I'm allergic to peanuts!" Persephone said while Peter and Lois still stared at her with a Blake expression.

"You don't know anything about me!" Persephone said as she run up stairs with Meg after to give her comfort.

"Who was that guy?" Peter asked as Frank face palm as he said, " she is your daughter dumb ass."

As we join Stewie and Tyler going to get help from the police at the Quahog Police station.

"Officer, I would like to report the theft of my buddy tricycle." Tyler asked the cop.

"Oh, look at the little baby. Aren't you cute? Where's your mommy?" Cop said in a baby tone voice.

"How dare you condescend to me! I demand justice!" Stewie said while being piss off by the cop as man came in.

"I'm here to turn myself in. I have a dismembered Baltic hooker bleeding through the tarp in my trunk." Man said his crime as he is turn himself in for his crime.

"Oh, look at the little baby. Aren't you cute? Where's your mommy?" Cop said in a baby tone voice towards the guilty man. As Tyler and Stewie groan in disappointment as they leave.

The next day at James woods high school, John and Persephone come in the hall way to see everyone wearing Peil t-shirts as Kids were Laughing at Persephone.

"Where did you get that shirt?" Persephone asked the girl.

"Neil's giving them out." Girl said as she points out Neil gives everyone at school a T-shirt showing the Fake kiss.

"Hello, lover." Neil said as John grabs him by the shirt.

"Neil! What are you doing? I'm not your lover! I don't even like you!" Persephone shouted.

"Persephone, I strongly suggest you hold my hand, lest you look like a slut." Neil said trying to make this fake relationship work.

"Listen, you freak! Tell these people that there's nothing going on between us or there will be a reckoning for you!" John said as he take Persephone away.

Oooh, I'm so scared john! Al? Why haven't I leaped? Neil asks a hologram named Al, which was a reference to the science fiction show Quantum Leap, in which a character travels through time and cannot leave a certain period until he sets events "right."

"Ziggy says you can't "leap" until she loves you back." Al said

"Don't worry. I'll get her." Neil said.

Meanwhile we join Stewie and Tyler at the Quahog Gym taking to a Personal trainer.

"So what were you two wanting to work on? Cardio, upper body, what?" Personal trainer asked Tyler and Stewie about their work out.

"Upper body, definitely. We need to get buff to get his tricycle back." Tyler said to the trainer.

"Luckily we're running a special right now for the next 17 minutes." Personal trainer said.

That's a little unusual, but okay, tell me. Stewie asked the trainer.

"The normal plan is 78 months at $40 a month, and $200 down. Watch this. Forget the down. Watching? Good-bye $40 a month. Let's do $35." Personal trainer said The prizes for The work out.

"Okay, $35. Now, that's the cheapest?" Stewie said his offer.

"Hang on. Trace, can you bring me some of those free gym bags? Thanks." Personal trainer aske his assistant for gym bags.

"We can probably just do some pushups at home..." Stewie said as Tyler agreed with Stewie's plan.

"Okay, well, let's start with the complete body-fat test, maybe a heart rate..." Personal trainer said as he makes more plans for their work out.

"You're actually not hearing us. I don't think this is for me and Stewie." Tyler said as he and Stewie got up from their seats as they leave towards the door.

"Thanks anyway. And for the future? You came on a little strong." Stewie said as he closes the door while whispering the last sentence.

Later that evening at the Mallque/Griffin house, as Persephone comes home.

"What's going on here?" Persephone asked her family on what's going on.

"Oh, we invited Neil's family over for dinner." Peter said as they introduce themselves.

"Hi!" Mort said.

"Hello!" Muriel said.

"You what?" Persephone said as she has to suffer through a dinner with Neil's parents.

"Yeah, we wanted to get to know 'em better. You know, seeing as how the two of you will one day bless our home with the pitter-patter of sweet little grandchildren as ugly as sin." Peter said ironically as he hug them.

"Whoa Persephone, you never told me your mother was such a stone-cold fox! Now I see where you get it." Neil said as he notices Lois good looks as he now knows that Persephone will grow up beautiful like her mom.

"Persephone, he's so charming." Lois said as she giggles on Neil comment while forgetting about John score on Persephone.

"My name is Chris. And thuis is Frank Jr, We're supposed to be on our best behavior tonight, and not mention poo." Chris said while Frank Jr freaks out.

"Oh, God! What have you done Chris?" Frank Jr said as they ran away.

"Well, let's eat." Frank said as he leads them to the dinner room to eat.

"I think it's very, very nice that our children had this wonderful kiss. I remember when Muriel and I had our first kiss. And it was just awful. Oh, just awful. We were both very sick, weren't we, dear?" Mort said as he explains about his and Muriel first kiss in horrible detail.

"We were terribly sick. We were both 14, and it was winter, and we had terrible head colds." Muriel said explains the rest of their first kiss.

"Yes. Mine especially was very bad. I had terrible mucus coming out from inside my nose. And the other children, they were very nasty to me about that. They said bad, hurtful things to me. They called me "Tasty Cakes" and they would beat me and stick pine cones in my ass. Those were very bad times." Mort said as they finished their story.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Meg said while trying to not to throw up.

"Thank you very much." Mort said

Excuse me. I'm gonna go throw up. Persephone said as she got up from her seat to go to the restroom.

"I'll join you!" john explain as he too went to the restroom.

"Please flush the toilet twice. Once for the bulk, and again for the remainder. Thank you. Oh, she's a dear." Mort said a good comment.

As we join the bully who took Stewie's tricycle reading an issue of bully weeky as Stewie, Frank Jr and Tyler come in.

"Hey, you're blocking my light, you stupid babies!" Bully said.

"You know, my hooligan friend, I've been racking my brain in a thus far fruitless attempt to resolve our recent unpleasantness. Then it dawned on me. Your cruelty merely stems from some deep-seated inner pain. So, the obvious remedy is a healthy dose of outer pain!" Stewie said as he captures the bully with a net launcher. Then Frank Jr and Tyler drag him towards home.

Meanwhile at channel 5 news on TV, a special report was being tune in by Tom Tucker.

"School children washing cars to raise money for charity. Is there anything more arousing? Finally, we go to Persephone Griffin for a special Channel 5 Junior Anchor Segment on the moon. Persephone and John?" Tom Tucker said as he pas the special report to Persephone and John.

"The moon. There's a reason no one goes there. It's cold. And it's ugly. And its surface is plagued with deep craters and jagged peaks. Oh, wait! That's not the moon. It's Neil Goldman's Liar face. Good evening John watt!" John said as he and Persephone were giving their report.

"Greatings everyone and I'm Persephone Griffin! Recently, many of you saw me kissing this freak of nature. But, if I didn't think I was seconds away from death, I would have never done it. Which I didn't do since John was on the chopper and the video was rigged. I mean, who in their right mind would? Well, John went to the streets to find out." Persephone said as she goes on TV to declare she hates Neil Goldman, and that she only kissed him was because she thought she was going to die while showing picture of Neil doing nasty stuff.

"Would you kiss this guy?" John asked as he then conducts on-the-street interviews, asking if anyone would kiss Neil while showing a picture of Neil.

"Ugh, no." Girl said in disgust.

"No way!" Girl 2 reply in gross out by the pic.

"No." Girl 3 said in the mall.

"No!" Girl 4 said in the laundromat.

"No." Girl 5 said in the beach.

"No." Girl 6 said in the city.

"God, no! What's the matter with you?" Ugh! Mort said as even when John shows the picture of Neil to his father, he shields his eyes in disgust.

"It's official. Neil Goldman is unkissable. Hear that, Neil? She doesn't like you, and she never will! Back to you, Tom." John said as he fulfilled his reckoning and his report.

"Thank you, Persephone and John. I guess beggars can be choosers. And now this." Tom Tucker said as the report is done while zoom out to black.

Meanwhile in the basement with the bully as he ties up to be interrogate by Tyler and Frank Jr.

"Well, well. Isn't this a darling picture?" Stewie said as the bully stars to freaky out.

"Let me go, man!" Bully said as he struggles to get out of his binds.

"Tell me, how old are you, Charlie?" Frank Jr asked the bully.

"7." Bully replyed while everyone in the room was shocked at his aged.

"7? My, my, you're practically a lady. Ironic that your fate is in the hands of an infant. Now tell me where my tricycle is!" Stewie said

"I don't know. I lost it." Bully said as Stewie come in and slaps him.

"Ow!" Bully shouted in pain.

"Very well. we have other ways of obtaining the truth." Frank Jr said as he activates his wet willy device. As the Metallic grinding of the device scared the bully.

"No! Don't!" Bully said as Tyler and Lois came in to the basement with a surprised.

"Stewie? Look what we found." Tyler said as Lois returns the tricycle, which she found abandoned on the street.

"My trikie!" Stewie said as he ran up to his toy in joy.

"What's going on down here?" Lois asked as she finds Stewie's bully tied up.

"We're playing house." Stewie says to cover it up.

"That boy is all tied up." Lois asked why the boy is tied up.

"Roman Polanski's house." Frank Jr said as to what he meant was a reference to the director being accused of child rape.

Meanwhile at channel 5 news station we join ourselves at tom tuckers dressing room.

"Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker. Our top story, the President has been shot." "Tragedy strikes the nation. The President has been shot." "What's the President doing in this casket? We'll tell you right after this." Hey, Persephone, nice job on that report last night." Tom Tucker said as he practicing line reads.

"Wow! Thanks, Mr. Tucker. That means so much coming from someone as handsome as yourself." Persephone said as she goes gaga again for tom tucker.

"Say, how'd you like to pick up a handsome man's dry cleaning?" Tom Tucker asked Persephone to do his dry cleaning.

"Well, sure. But isn't that Neil's job?" Persephone said.

"Little jerk hasn't been in all day." Tom Tucker said.

"He hasn't?" John said as he and the Producer comes in with news.

"We got a breaking story! There's some geek on top of Town Hall and he's about to jump!" Producer said as he shows them on tv, it shows a despondent Neil threatens to jump off the City Hall roof. As Suspenseful instrumental music was playing in the background.

"Oh, my God! Neil!" John and Persephone said in shocked as they ran out.

"Is it Neil? Huh. I've been calling him Ned all week." Tom Tucker said.

Meanwhile at Quahog City hall, we see Neil on top of City hall.

Oh, my God! Neil, please don't jump. Persephone:

"I was just a piece of eye candy that she turned into an all-day sucker." Neil said as the chopper push off while his shoe lace holds him by the crack that near of name of city hall.

"Mr. Tucker! Thank God you're here! Someone's gotta do something! He'll fall!" Persephone asked tom tucker to save him.

"I'm on it, Persephone. Hey, have that cartoon sound-effect guy cue up whistling noise, then top it off with a splat noise. And if there's time before commercial, be ready with a wah-wah-wah-wah." Tom tucker said as he trying to make news.

"Oh, my God! You don't care about him at all, do you? All you care about are your stupid ratings! Damn Neil, you deserve better than this." John aid as he going to be the one to save the day again.

"You're a horrible man! Neil, I'm sorry! Persephone said image of Tom Tucker is shattered when she realizes he doesn't want to save Neil, but just get a funny story for ratings.

"Persephone?" Neil said as he notices her in the crowd until his lace breaks as he falls towards the ground.

"There he goes!" Horace said as he sees Neil falling.

"Good stuff, good stuff, good stuff, good stuff, good stuff!" Tom Tucker said as he is hope on bloody mess.

"Neil!" John and Persephone shouted as Neil falls, but John and Persephone breaks his fall.

"Persephone, you do care!" Neil said

"Don't read too much into this, Neil." John said as he trying to Neil thinking that this was a booty call.

"Well, it's hard not to when I'm lying right on top of you." Neil said until John pushes him off of her.

"Look-just because you're repulsive and the most annoying person on the planet-and I'm not the only one who thinks so-that doesn't mean I want you to kill yourself." Persephone said as she tells him that just because she doesn't like him, it doesn't mean she wants him to kill himself.

"Thanks, Persephone. But I was never really planning to jump." Neil said he never wanted to kill himself. At that moment, a guy calls him a phony.

"Wasn't gonna jump? You're a phony! Hey, everybody! This guy's a great big phony!" Holden Caufield said until the enter Mallque/Griffin family comes out of nowhere and kick the living shit out of him.

 **Chapter ends**

 **I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thanking for pen123 and** **Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas.**


	10. Chapter 37: Mr Saturday Knight

**Chapter 37:** **Mr. Saturday Knight**

 **Opening Credits**

 _It seems today that all ya see_

 _Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

 _But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

 _On which we used to rely_

 _Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

 _Lucky there's a man who_

 _Positively can do_

 _All the things that make us_

 _Laugh n' Cry_

 _He's_

 _a_

 _Fam_

 _-ily_

 _Guy!_

 **End**

We join Peter appears at "Career Day" for Chris's class

"On the whole, I enjoy my job as a pharmacist. In fact, many of my customers are your mommies and daddies. Jimmy Hopkins, your mother had awful postpartum depression after you were born." Mort said as Jimmy Hopkins was shocked by that news.

"And Danielle, your father had bad, very bad hemorrhoids that stung him unmerciful. Oh, they were awful. They were like stinky little balloons. And I gave him some special ointment and he hurt so bad that he had to apply it in the car with his sock. Thank you." Mort said as he receives a better response. As the kids are impressed.

"Cool! I want to be a pharmacist!" Boy said with excitement.

"Oh, yeah!" Boy 2 said with equal excitement.

"Thank you, Mr. Goldman. And our final speaker is Mr. Peter Griffin." Teacher said now that she introduces Peter to the kids as Chris, Tyler and John Cheering for his father/guardian.

"Hey, kids! Hey, you know what I do? I work at a toy factory and you know what I do there?" Peter said

"I bet you're just one of those low-level assembly-line guys who stands there all day screwing heads on dolls." "Ooh, is it on straight? I don't know." "Boo!" Boy said as he mocks him.

"Why, you little snot-nosed..." Peter said as he about to kill the kid until the teacher stops him.

"Mr. Griffin! He plays kickball in the park after school. Get him there." Teacher said Whispering as peter plan to kick

Does anyone have any questions for Mr. Griffin? Teacher said aloud to the kids.

Yeah. Can we listen to the claims adjuster again? Boy said as they want the cool parents.

As the Class Cheering as the kids are not impressed with Peter's menial job at the toy factory.

Now we tune in on channel 5 with "Every day French with Pierre Escargot!" Featured Frank Jr, sitting in a bathtub filled with suds, wearing a rain coat and matching hat and swim fins on his feet. He would take a break from whatever he is doing (like playing an accordion or pretending to drive a car), say silly phrases in badly-pronounced French, and then translate them in English.

"Puis-je essayer sur bikini de votre soeur? May I try on your sister's bikini?" Frank Jr said as he laughs.

"Ma grand-mère vit dans une hutte de pickle. My grandmother lives in a pickle hut." Frank Jr said as he laughs.

"C'est trop de sauce pour un chiot chien. That's too much sauce for one puppy dog." Frank Jr said as he laughs.

"Ce gros homme est plier mon poney. That fat man is bending my pony." Frank Jr said as he laughs.

"Qui a brisé la pompe cornichon? Who broke the pickle pump?" Frank Jr said as he laughs. As we join to the channel 5 news.

"Welcome back to Quahog 5 News. And now, here's Ollie Williams with the "Blackie weather" Forecast. Ollie?" Tom Tucker said as we join Ollie Williams doing the weather.

"It gonna rain!" Ollie Williams said.

"Thanks. And finally, we go live to Asian reporter Trisha Takanawa interviewing a guy from the upcoming Renaissance Faire." Tom Tucker said as zoom in on Trisha Takanawa interviewing a guy from the upcoming Renaissance Faire.

"Thanks, Tom. Sir, for those who aren't familiar with the tradition, can you tell us about the Renaissance Faire?" Tricia Takanawa asked a jester.

"Yea. But first, bride of Genghis, thou must explainest to me thy very peculiar electronic wand. Oooh!" Man said in midlevel speech. As we join Frank Jr and Stewie doing Mad libs.

All right, Frank Jr and Rupert, are you two ready to hear our Mad Lib? Stewie said as he Clears throat while he begins reading the mad lib.

"Cinderella had three wicked step-watermelons, who were very smelly to her. So, her fairy god toilet turned her pumpkin into a fanny and sent her off to the poop." Stewie said as he and Frank Jr are laughing at the mad lib.

"Oh, my! How ruthlessly absurd!" Frank Jr said as we zoom in on Lois as Peter comes in the house with John and Tyler.

"Peter, how was your big presentation at Chris' class?" Lois asked her husband.

"It was a huge waste of time." Peter said in disappointed tone.

"Well, it couldn't have been that bad." Lois said as she thinks it not a big deal.

"It was terrible. Everyone else there had some big important job and was way more successful than me." Peter said as he begins to worry that he is stuck at a dead-end job within the company.

"Hey, come on, you have a great job." Brian said

"Yeah..." Frank Jr said while Stuttering.

"you're doing good." Stewie said as he adds a comment.

"Peter, if you're not satisfied, then be more assertive. Invite Mr. Weed over for dinner and show him what you have to offer the company." Lois said as she encourages him to invite his boss, Mr. Weed, to dinner.

"Yeah, I guess I could. I just hope it goes okay. We've had bad luck with dinner guests. Remember when Margot Kidder was here?" Peter said as we start the cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see the Griffins having dinner with Margot Kidder.

"Oh, we loved you in the Superman movies. You were just wonderful!" Lois complimented as Margot suddenly starts screaming and throwing her chair. Then she flips the dinner table and crashed out through the window. She pulls her hair and runs away while screaming at the same time.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Now we zoom in on Peter near a mirror practicing to talk with his boss.

"Mr. Weed, I was wondering if maybe you'd like to come over to my house for dinner Friday night. That wasn't so hard." Peter said as it reveals that he is in Mr. Weed's office.

"Well, what time?" Mr. Weed asked.

"Uh, I don't know. 7:30, 8:00?" Peter said.

"Fabulous! What shall I bring?" Mr. Weed said as we zoom in the Mallque/Griffin House with Peter was about to freak-out.

"Peter, calm down. Everything's gonna be fine." Lois said as she calms down peter.

I hope so. If I blow this, I'll have to go back to my old job at the Electric Company. Peter said as we start the cutaway 2.

 **Cutaway**

We see Peter and a man in silhouettes as the man says "duh".

"Ot" Peter adds.

"DOT" both said in unison.

"Buh" the man says.

"Et" Peter adds on.

"BET" both said in unison.

"I knew that. Slow it down" Peter demanded.

"Puh"

"It"

"PIT"

"Come on pal! It's my first day!" Peter snaps.

"Fuh"

"At"

"FAT" the man spells out.

"Oh that's it buddies!" Peter beats up his coworker.

 **Cutaway Ends**

As the Doorbell rings

"That must be him." Lois said.

"Oh God! I hope that thing doesn't happen where I get nervous and I can't control of the volume of my voice." Peter said as he opens the door to let Mr. Weed inside.

"Hello, Peter. How are you?" Mr. Weed said.

"FINE!" Peter said by Yelling.

"Please come in." Peter said Quietly.

"It's so nice to have you over, Mr. Weed." Lois said.

"Thank you, Mrs. Griffin. I understand that you have a beautiful family." Mr. Weed said.

"Yes, we do, but the children won't be joining us for dinner. It's almost their bedtime." Lois said.

Peter blows his whistle and his kids (Except Meg), John, Tyler and Frank Jr came down stairs and stand in line like there in the navy.

"State your names." Frank said as he command them.

One by one, they marched up stating their names.

"John!" John said.

"Tyler!" Tyler said.

"Persephone!" Persephone said.

"Chris!" Chris said.

"And I'm Lisle!" Stewie said until Frank Jr kicks Stewie's butt.

"Ow! I mean Stewie!" Stewie said as he rubs his butt in pain.

"And me, I'm Francisco George Mallque the second. But everyone calls me, Frank Jr!" Frank Jr said his name in an animaniecas way.

"Mr. Weed, the Griffin children would like to say goodnight to you." Lois said as the kids begin to dance.

 **Persephone, John, Tyler, Chris, Stewie and Frank Jr Singing**

 _So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen ado._

 **John**

 _Ado, ado, to you and you and you  
_  
 **Persephone, Tyler, Chris, Stewie and Frank Jr**

 _So long, farewell, Au revoir, Auf wiedersehen_

 **Persephone**

I'd like to stay and taste my first champagne (Spoken) Yes?

 **Peter Spoken**

 _No...  
_  
 **Tyler, Chris, Stewie and Frank Jr Singing**

 _So long, farewell, Auf wiedersehen, Goodbye._

 **Tyler**

 _I leave and heave a sigh and say goodbye.  
Goodbyyyyyyyyye  
_  
 **Chris**

 _I'm glad to go, but I cannot tell a lie._

 **Stewie**

 _I flit, I float, I fleety flee I fly_

 **Frank Jr**

 _The sun has gone to bed and so must I-I...  
_  
 **Persephone, John, Tyler and Chris**

 _So long, farewell, Auf wiedersehen, Goodbye._

 _Goodbye_

 _Goodbye_

 _Goodbye  
_  
 **Brian, Frank, Peter, Lois, Meg and Mr. Weed**

 _Goodbye_

After the kids walked up stairs and out of sights.

"Isn't it weird that Christopher Palmer didn't like that film?" Frank Spoken a reference.

Meanwhile at dinner table with everyone eating, The occasion proceeds surprisingly well.

"Mmm! Who would think a woman with such beauty would have the culinary skills of Emeril Lagasse?" Mr. Weed said as he comments both Frank and Peter wives on their looks and cooking skills.

"Oh, well thank you." Lois thank Mr. Weed for the comment.

"Bam!" Meg said while she and Lois made a joke while Laughing.

"Peter, don't you have something to say to Mr. Weed?" Lois asked peter about something.

"Oh, yeah. Mr. Weed, Me and Frank don't care what the guys at work say." Peter said as he comments on his boss.

"We never thought you were an effeminate weirdo." Frank continued the sentence that peter left off.

"So, what kind of a name is "Weed"?" Brian asked Mr. Weed about his last name.

"They gave it to my grandfather on Ellis Island. Our real name was "Bermudagrass." Frank, Peter, being here with your wonderful families, your beautiful home and your funny talking dog, well, I'm impressed. In fact, starting Monday, I would like to promote you two to Head of Toy Development." Mr. Weed said as he explains the history of his last name and he is quite impressed with Frank and Peter's home, family and "funny talking dog." When he mentions that he will promote Peter to head of toy development.

Holy crap! Ah, thanks, Mr. Weed! You won't be sorry." Frank said as the shock of the news causes Brian to start choking on a dinner roll.

"Brian, quit it. You're embarrassing me here." Peter said try to stop Brian to mess up this moment.

"Peter, Brian's choking! Do the Heimlich maneuver quick!" Lois said as Peter and Lois try to get it out with the Heimlich maneuver, it ejects out of Brian's mouth and into Mr. Weed's mouth.

Mr. Weed was Choking on the dinner roll that came out of Brain mouth. It causing him so much pain by choke on it until he dies.

"He's dead." Brian said as he checks his pluses to confirm the truth.

As Frank, Meg, Peter and Lois gasp in shocked, Margot Kidder Screaming herself in by Kitchen door.

"I forgot my purse." Margot Kidder said as she continued Screaming as she escapes threw the dining room window.

"All right, let's not panic. Nobody even knows about this yet." Frank said Suddenly, someone pounds on the front door.

"Police! Random dead-body search! somebody said as he announces that the police are conducting a random dead body search.

"Oh, my God, Lois! Stall them!" Peter said while he and Frank panics as they drag Mr. weed's body, they attempt to flush it down the toilet with a plunger.

"Peter, Frank, what are you two doing?" Lois asked on what they are doing

"Just stall them, Mom!" Frank said as he tries to plunger Mr. weed's body down the toilet, while Peter tried to flush him down. As Lois and Meg open the door to reveal Death!

"Got ya! It's just me, Death. I'm here for the body." Death said while Laughing as he enters and admits that he was just joking about the police search.

"Frank, Dad, it's okay. It's just Death." Meg said as she shouts form them to calm down.

"Thank God!" Peter said as he and Frank drag the body to give it to death, where Death's Dog arrives with Death with the intention of claiming Brian, who temporarily choked on a dinner roll.

"Hey, did someone choke on a roll in here?" Death's Dog said as he asked about Brian dying.

"Oh, no, no, no. I spit it up." Brian said as he explains to him that he is okay as Death's dog leaves.

Meanwhile at channel 5 news with Tom Tucker.

"Recapping our top story. Doreen, I lost your phone number. We met at the Sky Lounge last night. Please call me. In other news, toy industrialist Jonathan Weed was found dead in the home of an employee who claims Weed choked on a dinner roll. No charges will be filed against the employee but the dinner roll has been taken into custody." Tom Tucker said as it shows the diner roller mug shots.

At Mr. Weed's funeral with Somber instrumental music playing in the background everyone who work in the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory was crying for loss of their boss

"I'd do her. Do her. Wouldn't do her. Who hasn't done her? Do her. Lose the pigtails and we'll talk. Do her, do her." Stewie said as he points at babies who he fucks until Frank Jr Slaps him.

And now, the last men to see Jonathan Weed alive has offered to say a few words. Priest said as he introduces Frank and Peter.

"Good afternoon, everyone. As you know, we of the Christian faith believe that Jesus is not really dead but that he must let the world think that he is dead until he can find a way to control the raging spirit that dwells within him." Frank said as he humming ominous music while his eulogy at Mr. Weed's funeral drifts into the opening of the television series The Incredible Hulk.

"Anyway, right before he died, Mr. Weed promoted me to Head of Toy Development, and I've brought along my attorney who confirms that this constitutes a verbal contract. Isn't that right, Saul?" Peter said as he shows a hand puppet.

"Yes, sir. Verbal contract." "Thank you." Peter and Peter's hand talking to each other.

Meanwhile at the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory, everyone has arrived to listen to Mr. Weed's lawyer.

"Glad to see you all found your way over from the cemetery. I'm Leonard Hale, Mr. Weed's lawyer. We found this tape among Mr. Weed's personal effects, with instructions that it be screened immediately after his funeral. Enjoy." Leonard Hale said as he plays Weed's videotaped will which reveal Mr. weed making breakfast in his underwear.

"Good morning. Camera time." Cameraman said as he films Mr. Weed.

"Turn it off. I don't have my face on yet. I'm ugly." Mr. Weed said as he try to cover his face.

"You want to tell us a little something about what you're making there." Cameraman asked Mr. Weed about what he is cook.

"I will tell you. Just a couple of eggs with the peppers left over from last night." Mr. Weed Snickering as Frank Jr said 'nasty in the background.

"Okay, playtime is over. Turn it off, monkey. Okay?" Mr. Weed said as the video paused by Leonard Hale pause the video as he Clearing throat while Fast-forwarding the tape to the Video will while Frank Jr vomited on the floor.

"Hello, friends. If you're watching this, I am dead and I bet you're pretty bummed. But I have good news. The Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory shall be torn down to make way for the Happy-Go-Lucky Terminal Disease Institute." Mr. Weed said as the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory is to be demolished to make way for the Happy-Go-Lucky Terminal Disease Institute.

"What?" Peter asked in question is to what the hell.

"What, What in the butt?" Frank said as to the shocking news of his job is turning into a parking lot.

"The demolition will begin in... Now." Mr. Weed said as promised, the building is immediately razed and all workers are fired as they Screaming in terror while getting out of the destroy building.

As we join Peter and Frank, as they experience difficulties in finding new careers for Themselves. Now we join Peter is trying to get his counselor to help at the Job placement.

"Okay, we've got your typing test here and all the pertinent data about your ... uh ... background and, um, skills, and..." Counselor said as he explains while stuttering about Peter's Pertinent date.

"And?" Peter asked him about his Pertinent date.

"You, know, I got to be honest with you. I only have another week and a half here and I have completely checked out." Counselor said as he didn't do his checking on Peter's Pertinent date.

"Oh." Peter said in a disappointed tone.

"Yeah." Counselor said.

"Well, what should I do?" Peter asked him on what to do.

Um… Counselor said while Sighs pensively.

"Chef?" Counselor said in response while peter stares at him with a blank look.

Now we join him and Frank looking at the newspaper for job ads as Peter and Frank circle one of them. Now we join Frank at a men's Restroom as a bustboy.

"Oh, sorry, we're out of towels. Let me get that for you, sir." Frank said as he tries to Blowing the Man's hands clean until he passes out, the man then cleans his hand with Frank's red vest as he leaves.

Now we join Peter pass on pamphlets to the passenger of Quahog airlines.

"What? I'm supposed to pay $2 for stickers 'cause this guy can't hear? Come on!" Man complains like a bitch.

"Hey, I might be deaf but I have feelings! Oh. I mean...what?" Peter said as he breaks his deaf guy routing.

As we join Lois, Meg, Persephone, Briand, Frank Jr, Stewie, John and Tyler on a drive around town at night.

"Has Frank and Dad found permanent jobs yet? Meg and Persephone asked Lois.

"Meg, Persephone, Frank and your father's going through a bit of a career transition. They'd just sampling a few things, searching for something that fits him just right." Lois said as everyone in the car Gasping at what they saw.

"Clearly it's not that tube top." Brian said as they see peter is tries to become a cheap hooker with Frank dress as a cold stone pimp.

"Hey! Looking for a good time, sweet cheeks?" Peter asked Lois for a good time.

Oh, my God! Meg said while Stewie and Frank Jr just stared at them in shocked.

"Peter, Frank, get in the car!" Lois shouted at them

"Okay, but it will cost you." Frank said in a black pimp tone.

"What do you want? A Cleveland Steamer?" Peter asked Lois on what she wants on sex.

"I said get in the car! What's a Cleveland Steamer?" Lois said until she asked about the Cleveland Steamer.

"It means that he'll..." Brian explain about it until Frank stops them.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Be cool, be cool. Yes, you go to Maple Street, and then take a left, and then you go..." Frank said as he fakes districting them to Maple street until the cops left.

"Okay, so you want to party or what?" Peter said as both Lois and Meg get piss off.

"Get in this Fucking car right now!" Meg shouted at them to get in the car now as the came inside the car as they drive home with Stewie looking at Peter then to Persephone.

"It's eerie, isn't it? Like looking into the future." Stewie said as he explains to Persephone about her choice in the future until John slaps him on the head while Frank Jr bitch slaps him knocked out.

As we join them arriving at the Mallque/Griffin house with Chris watching the match game.

"Forgetful Freddy was so forgetful..." Gene Rayburn said the sentence.

"How forgetful was he?" All asked him.

"He was so forgetful, whenever he tried to remember someone's name he drew a "blank." Gene Rayburn said as Chris turns off the TV as everyone enter the house.

"Oh, God! This is all my fault. If I hadn't pushed you so hard to invite Mr. Weed to dinner he'd still be alive and you'd still have your job." Lois said of the event that lead both Peter and Frank of losing their jobs.

"Don't worry, Lois. We'll get through this. We just have to scrimp a little, that's all. You know, sell some stuff we don't really need. This'll bring in a couple of bucks." Peter said as he rips off Lois's blouse.

"Peter, please, listen to me. When we got married, you always talked about your one dream job. Remember? And you put that dream aside in order to provide for this family." Lois said as he puts back her blouse while telling Peter and Frank about to get their dreams back to provide for the family as they lead them at the couch.

"Yeah?" Peter and Frank said in agreement.

"Well, We've saved some money from teaching piano, and I say this is the perfect time for you to pursue that dream." Meg said

"Really?" Frank said.

"Yes!" Lois said.

"You know, since money's getting tight, I was gonna suggest that we eat the kids. You know, jokingly at first, but then I was gonna gauge your reaction and if you were cool with it, we would go from there!" Peter said.

"but this is a much better idea. We're going to do it, Meg. we're going to realize Pop's dream! Me and Pops going to be a Renaissance Faire jousters!" Frank said in triumph.

"Oh, Frank!" Meg said as she hugs him.

As Margot Kidder Screaming as she closed the door.

Now we join Frank and Peter arriving at the Ye Olde Renaissance faire.

"Oh, this is so exciting! My little jouster's first day." Here's your lunches. Lois said.

"Thanks, Mom." Frank said his thanks to Lois.

"Oh, egg salad?" Peter said as he and Frank groan at their lunches.

"Have a good time." Lois said as she opens their doors to let them out.

"We'll try." Frank said as they got out of the car as we see them walking aroung until they spotted Mort Goldman.

"Hey, Mort." Peter saying hello to his new Jewish friend until he freaky him out of surprised.

"Oh, God! Don't hurt me! Oh, hi, Peter and Frank." Mort said hello to them.

"Hey, you gonna be a jouster, too?" Peter asked Mort about joust training.

"Yes. I'm trying to overcome my fear of swords 'cause a man in a pirate suit stabbed me in the ear when I was 5, and then again when I was 30. What about you? Same?" Mort said as he explains his reason and then asked them about their reason about joust training.

"Not really. It kinda all goes back to when My and Pops were 18. they were going through that rebellious phase, and hanging out with a bad crowd." Frank said as he explains his father and Peter teen years as it shows them being with a bad hippy crowd.

"Here, Jake and Peter. Try one of these." The hippy Girl said as she gives them small pills.

"What is it?" Peter asked while Jake looks at the pills with interest.

"It's a cheeseburger." The hippy Girl said as all Kids Were Laughing at her joke.

"Of course, now Dad know it wasn't a cheeseburger but at that time, they were ready to believe anything. He and pops didn't know what the hell was going on. they wandered around for hours and somehow ended up at the Renaissance Faire." Frank said in a narrator tone as it shows Jake and Peter in some psychic visons that you see in Austin power movies until they were on top of a roof while attempting to fly in flashback.

"we can fly!" Jake said as he and peter fell down while screaming.

"Oh, my God!" Black Knight said as he races toward them to save them.

"As My dad and Pops Screaming for their deaths, they were saved by the one and only Black Knight of the Quahog Renaissance Faire." Frank said.

"A word of advice-the path to knighthood is paved with strength and nobility, not LSD and sideburns." Black Knight said as he gives them advice about being good people.

"And from that moment on, they knew someday that they wanted to be knights like him." Frank explain as the flashback was over.

"Oh, mercy! I was once addicted to antihistamines. I took so many I thought I was Mr. Peanut." Mort said as he explains his problems with drugs.

"Ah, that's a great story, too." Peter said in happiness.

As we join them at joust training with their couch yelling at them.

"You all think you got what it takes to be jousters! If you're gonna joust, you got to want it! Let me hear your war cry!" Coach said as he got mort first.

"EHHHH, UHHH…." As Mort Feeble cry.

"Is that the best you got, you pile of crap?" Coach asked him.

"Yes. From an early age, my parents discouraged loud noises!" Mort said as he explains his feeble cry.

"You know what you are? You're a candy-ass maggot!" Coach said as he insults Mort while frank and peter chucked at him.

"You find something funny, maggot?" Couch asked Frank about his laughter.

"Sir, no, sir!" Frank shouted his response.

"You love the Middle Ages, don't you?" Coach:

Sir, yes, sir! Frank shouted his response.

"The concept of a geocentric universe gets you sexually excited, doesn't it?" Coach asked Frank about his sexuality

"Sir, yes, sir!" Frank shouted his response.

"You want to make 16th century mathematician Johannes Kepler your bitch, don't you?" Coach asked Frank about making 16th century mathematician Johannes Kepler your bitch.

"Sir, yes, sir!" Frank shouted his response.

"Welcome, apprentices." Black Knight said as he arrives with his hot bitch.

"It's him." Peter exclaimed as he got to see his hero in person again.

"Look alive, ladies. Allow me to introduce the best of the best the Black Knight himself! And this is his trophy wench, Maid Madeleine!" Coach said as he introduces the black knight and his hot trophy wench, Maid Madeleine. While Maid Madeleine reveal her awesome boobaged as every knight in training dicks were Dinging in each suit of armor until we reach Mort which his dick didn't do.

"Ding." Mort said as he notices that he did do the ding so he fakes it.

Meanwhile at the bathroom we see the black knight shaving his helmet.

"Excuse me, Mr. Black Knight?" Peter asked the black knight a question.

"I'm busy." Black Knight said as he continued to shave.

"Oh, well, I just wanted to thank you. I don't know if you remember, but when I was a kid you helped me get my life back on the right path." Peter said explain their first meeting until the black knight cuts himself.

"Damn it. Look, I'm busy, all right?" Black Knight said as he tells peter that he is busy.

"Okay. I'll come back later." Peter said as he leaves in panic.

"Damn rookies." Black Knight said as Mort comes in feel nerves.

"Are all the other men out of the shower yet?" Mort said as he holds a bar of soup.

Meanwhile we join our heroes at home eating breakfast.

As Stewie see Persephone in his cereal box fort.

"Hey, you, porker. Yes, I'm calling you a porker and there's nothing you can do about it because I'm protected by my impenetrable cereal-box fort." Stewie said to Persephone while Laughing looking towards to Brian.

"Hey, you, drunkie. Yes, that's right, I'm calling you drunkie and there's nothing you can do about it because I'm... "Stewie said until Brian slams cereal box fort, shocking Stewie.

"The toast is ready." Lois said as she notices toast done from the toaster.

"I'll get it, Lois. There you go." Peter said as he used his lance to butter her toast and give it to her.

"Mr. Griffin, maybe you shouldn't bring your lance to the table." Tyler said in worried.

"Tyler, if I'm gonna get good enough to impress the Black Knight, my lance must be with me at all times. You guys are gonna be so proud when you see me out on that field. Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta go practice." Peter said as his lance mange to get threw Persephone as she Screams.

"Oh, my God, Dad! My earring! Dad, stop!" Persephone said as she Screams being drag by her father lance

As we join Frank, Peter and Mort getting lunch.

"Yeah, three mutton joints, please." Peter said as he asked Mutton Jeff.

"Thou wishes to feast on the appendage of a humble ovine." Mutton Jeff asked them about the mutton joints.

"Listen, you freak. We don't all watch Frasier, okay? Now, give me Three mutton joints." Frank said as Mutton Jeff gave them the three mutton joints as they leave as this "Mutton Jeff" food stall is a reference to the comic strip Mutt and Jeff.

"Thank you." Mort said as he thanks the man.

As Romantic instrumental music playing in the background, Frank and Peter flirts with the Knight's wench by seductively waving things in front of his face, including his mutton, it is a reference to a similar scene in the Woody Allen film Love and Death.

"'Tis a glorious afternoon. Wouldst thou not agree?" Madeleine said as she, the Black Knight's girlfriend flirts with Frank and Peter.

"Yea, kind shrew. I before thee except after C." Frank said

"Wouldst thou take a gander underneath my frock?" Madeleine said

"Uh...uh, Sure. whatever floats your boat. There you go. Peter said as he shoves a goose under her frock while Frank gave her his number and shove it under boobies.

"call me, Jeez, frickin' perverts." Frank said to mort as he was hoping for a three way with his wife and Madeleine. That's when the Black Knight comes in all angry.

"Madeleine, go wait in the Hyundai! What were you doing with my girl?" Black Knight asked on what the hell they were doing to Maid Madeleine.

"Jeez, she walks over here and asks me to put a bird in her panties! I'm here going, "What the hell?" Peter said as he explains what happened until he and frank shove into the table.

"God! Peter, Frank, play dead! Curl up in an ass ball or something! "Mort said in panic.

"We can't cause we stuck dude!" Frank said in panic tone.

What's the problem, BK? Peter asked the black knight.

"I don't like both of you, I don't like your faces, and I don't like you two hanging around my girl! I don't ever want to see you two here again!" Black Knight said as he bullies them.

"Oh. So, okay, we can see each other outside the Faire, right? I'm just trying to understand the rules." Peter exclaims in fear.

"If I see you two again, I'll kill you both." Black Knight said as he bullies him into leaving the Fair.

"Okay, that's much clearer." Frank said as the black knight leaves while mort resurfaces out of the table.

"Oh, God! I think I just miscarried!" Mort said as frank look at him.

"You're a dude mort?" Frank said as we zoom in back at the house seeing Frank and Peter throwing away their armors.

"Frank, Peter, what are you two doing? I spent hours soldering that costume for the two of you." Lois said

"We don't need it anymore, Mom. we quit the team." Frank said

"Quit the team? But you can't quit jousting. The big meet is today, and I thought you were..." Lois said as she tried to not let them quit.

"Did you just say "big meet?" Peter said as lois said something funny.

"Oh, my God! I did." Lois said all three of them Both Are Laughing.

"We almost missed that one." Lois said.

"I know. That was a close one." Frank said.

"But I'm being serious here, Guys. We were all set to come see you two joust today. You two were so excited to be on the same field as the Black Knight". Lois said.

"We're gonna be watching it from the stands, Mom, because the Black Knight is just a big jerk! Just like that guy who fixed our vacuum." Peter said as we set a cutaway.

(Cutaway 3)

We see Peter at a repair shop.

"There you go. All fixed. It turns out a half-eaten meatball was clogging up the intake" the repairman said.

"Oh, well did you save it?" Peter said.

"Uh no" the man answered.

"You bastard!" Peter cursed.

(Cutaway 3 Ends)

As we join the family at the Renaissance Faire jousting meet with Peter and Frank remains inconsolable despite his family's encouragement but decides to watch the joust from the stands.

"Well, it's an exciting day here for all at the Renaissance Faire jousting meet. Wouldn't you say, Tom?" Diane Simmons said as she gives out comments about the Renaissance Faire jousting meet.

"Diane, I'd say it was perfect day if you weren't reminding us all of our grandmas' cleavage. Now, let's go live to the field where Black Knight is preparing to challenge his next opponent." Tom Tucker said as he insults Diane's awesome Boobaged.

As Suspenseful instrumental music playing as the black knight challenged a fellow knight and the knight lost as the people were Cheering.

While the Monks Were Chanting "Rock and Roll, Part 2"

Hey. How're you two doing there, big guys? You two holding up all right? You two want a soda? Hmm? Screw it. I tried. Stewie said as Frank Jr gives him a pat on the back for trying.

"The Black Knight's next challenger will be Sir Mort Goldman." Tom Tucker said as Mort get on his horse as he rides forth at the Black Knight.

"Oh, God! I forfeit!" Mort said Grunting as he chickens out of the joust.

"That's it, folks. It looks like the Black Knight is out of challengers and is once again undefeated." Tom Tucker said as Unsurprisingly, the Black Knight defeats all challengers, inspiring Mort to flee in terror before their horses near each other. As the black Knight notices something.

Hey, what's your fat ass doing here? Black Knight said as he asks Bruce.

"He's my only means of conveyance. But I guess I do spoil him." Bruce said as he spoils his donkey to being fat.

"Clearly you do. And what are you two doing here, Mallque and Griffin? I thought I told you two never to show your faces here again!" Black Knight said as he notices Peter and Frank in the stands.

"We're just watching, all right? We don't want any trouble." Peter said

"You've got trouble if you don't beat it." Black Knight said as he begins berating them

"Listen, buddy..." Frank said but was interrupted by Bk

"I said get lost!" Black Knight said as Frank and Peter began to leave.

"Where's are they going?" Meg said in sadness.

"Frank, Dad!" Chris exclaimed.

"Let him go, kids." Lois said as she knows that this isn't over as she notices Frank's Left fist glowed gold.

"You see that, kids? Those two are nothing but fizzles!" Black Knight said

"Nobody calls us fizzles and gets away with it!" Frank said Suddenly determined to defeat the Black Knight, Frank and Peter challenges him. As Heroic instrumental music plays in the background.

"Except that one guy who called me a fizzle and then ran off. He got away with it. But most people who call me a fizzle don't get away with it. Well, actually, that guy who got away with it was the only one who ever called me a fizzle. After today only half the people who ever called me a fizzle will have gotten away with it." Peter said on top of his horse.

"It appears a new challenger has entered the field. The crowd has fallen deathly ill-silent. Sorry." Tom Tucker said as black Knight and the gold knight were at the stations.

As Suspenseful instrumental music playing in the background as they charged each other while Peter was riding behind Frank.

"Oh, my God! We're gonna die!" Peter said as he life flash before his eye again. Until Tom tucker gets a note form a vaila.

"To the owner of a yellow Hyundai, your car is being towed." Tom Tucker said something that distracted the black Knight.

"What?" Black Knight said as Certain doom is averted when the Black Knight is distracted by an announcement that his Hyundai is being towed. While Frank strike the finishing blow to knock out the black knight.

"We won!" Peter said as the people Cheering for them. As he and Frank unhorses the Black knight and wins the competition.

"OH, Frank, Peter, that was amazing. You two were so brave." Lois said as she and meg ran toward them as they hug and kiss them.

"Nice going, Frank and Dad." Chris, Frank Jr, John and Tyler said congratulates them.

"Boy! That was lucky about the car, huh?" Peter said as it reveals Hyundai is being towed by a vengeful Mort.

"Take that, you bastard! Nobody makes a fool out of Mort Goldman and his super friends!" Mort said as he drives away.

"Spectacular performance, maggot! How would you like to come on the road with us as our lead jouster?" Coach said

"Thanks, but no thanks, Coach. We've lived my dream. And besides, our life is here with our family." Frank said as they refuse an offer to join the Ren Fair as their new champion jouster

As the family leaves for home, Tyler and John begin to question something.

But what's Frank and Mr. Griffin gonna do for a job? John and Tyler asked Lois.

"It'll be okay, Guys. Remember that episode of The Honeymooners when Ralph lost his job but at the end of the show he didn't get it back?" Meg says the ending of this episode reminds her of the episode of The Honeymooners in which Ralph lost his job and did not get it back by the end of the episode.

"What was up with that? That bugged the crap out of me." Frank Jr said as the chapter fades to black as medieval version of closing theme music is playing the end credits.

 **Chapter ends**

 **I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thanking for pen123 and Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas. Also Doc x me if you want to help with scenes for next chapter because I need the ideas.**


	11. Chapter 38: A Fish Out Of Water

**(Disclaimer: I not own Family guy, Phineas and Ferb songs or John and Tyler, only Frank and Frank Jr.)**

 **Chapter 38: A Fish Out of Water**

 **Opening Credits**

 _It seems today that all ya see_

 _Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

 _But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

 _On which we used to rely_

 _Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

 _Lucky there's a man who_

 _Positively can do_

 _All the things that make us_

 _Laugh n' Cry_

 _He's_

 _a_

 _Fam_

 _-ily_

 _Guy!_

 **End**

As we join Lois entering her house to see her Jobless, unmotivated, and depressed, Peter who has becomes morbidly obese with Frank becoming Chuckie. Just because he is Saiyan and he can lose the weight easily with training.

"Frank and Peter, this is ridiculous. I know you're both upset about losing your jobs, but you've two been sitting on that couch for two weeks. Lois said as she is complaining again.

"We have not, Mom." Frank said in a fat toon like Gabriel Iglesias.

"He's right. It's actually been more like...yeah, 13 days." Brian said as he took a newspaper out of peter's fat layers.

"Well you two at least have do something other than sitting there eating." Lois said about them doing something instead of eating.

"All right, all right. Frank Jr, Frank and Brian, let's go for a walk." Peter said as the gang went to go to docks as Forklift beeping Brian lifted peter while Frank walks after them with the help of Frank Jr.

As Lois close the door, Persephone and Meg ran in to the couch while Sobbing about their horrible day.

"Persephone, Meg, sweethearts, what's wrong?" Lois questions them.

"Our life. That's what's wrong. We were totally humiliated at school today." Meg said as she set up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Meg and Persephone's class at the gymnasium.

"We're gonna do an informal survey here, kids. Would those who are going away for spring break please move to the left of the room?" Principal Shepard directed as all but John, Tyler, Meg and Persephone moved to the left.

"Oigan, quienes van a spring break, pasen a la izquierda, por favor" Shepard translated as the janitor moved to the left as well.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Oh, Meg, Persephone, what do those kids know? John said to help them out of their pain.

"They know how to have a good time." Persephone said in a sad tone.

"Well, so do we. I'll tell you what. How about you and I have our own little spring break?" John said as Tyler cheered for the idea.

"Road trip guys!" Tyler said as he dresses like Goofy in goofy movie.

"We'll go to that fancy new spa that just opened up in Warwick. Massages and facials. Ah! It'll be great. What do you say?" Lois said trying to make them have fun for spring break.

"I guess it couldn't be worse than last year when we all went to Sea World." Meg and Persephone said as they set another cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

The Griffins go to Sea World. A whale licks Lois' cheek as she laughs. However, Peter punches the whale away.

"And how long has this been going on?!" he asked angrily.

 **Cutaway Ends**

At down at the docks with Brain, Frank Jr, Frank and Peter by "walk" towards it with assisted by Brian and a forklift.

"Lois is right. We've been out of work too long." Peter said as they look towards the sea.

"I think you two should find something you really enjoy doing. Take those guys out there, for example." Brian said as he points at something that could work for Frank and Peter.

"Where?" Frank asked as Frank Jr used the forklift to move the toward two fishermen on a boat.

"Oh, yeah. Now, that's a job. Fresh sea air, working outside. That's how a real New England man makes a living." Peter said while Frank just in response.

"Well, maybe that's something to think about, Frank and Peter." Brian said as Tom Tucker and his weird son come by.

"What's that, Daddy?" Jake Tucker asked his father.

"That's Mercury and his lost moon, Jake. The planet closest to the sun. What These Two Things doing down here by the wharf, I haven't the foggiest. We should probably ask a scientist..." Tom Tucker answer Jake question as both Frank Jr and Peter get piss off.

"These planets are People, you jackass!" Frank Jr shouted at tom tucker as he kicks them away with is super strength.

At the Griffin yard, the family was bathing Peter since he can fit in the bath room. As Frank just finish losing those 8 pounds in 2 weeks.

"Yeah, that feels good." Peter said as Chris mist's him with the watering hose. While John and Tyler scrub Peter's Large tummy.

"Chris, don't forget to mist under his chins. And John and Tyler, really look down that bellybutton for the dirty parts. " Lois said as Frank Jr and Stewie got out of Peter's back as they gasp for air.

"Oh, boy, Lois! It's a real mess down there." Stewie said as he explains what happened with Peter's back.

"I'm afraid we're not going to be able to do this in the time we quoted you earlier." Frank Jr said as they waddle away to get clean.

"Chris, shut the hose off for a second. Everybody, I have an announcement. Just as frank lost his weight, I too will drop this weight and rejoin the workforce. Me and Frank have decided to become professional fishermen." Peter said as he resolves to lose the weight, as he and Frank become fishermen.

"What? Why fishermen?" Lois question them about this choice.

"It makes perfect sense, Lois. You know how much time I've spent on the ocean." Peter said as the set a another cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

The flashback shows Peter as castaway, adrift on raft, talking to a volley ball is a parody of the 2000 film Cast Away.

Wilson! What are we gonna do now? Wilson! Wilson! Peter yelling at the ball.

My name is Voit, dumb ass. Voit said The volleyball shouts back, as this is a reference to the Voit Corporation, another sporting goods company.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"Hello, Doreen? Yeah, Me and Junior are still over at the Griffin job. Listen, tell Walter We're not going to be able to make it to the construction site." Stewie said as he passes the cellphone to Frank Jr because Doreen asked for his response.

"I don't know. Have him send Frank, or Glen, or Harelip Steve? I know, it creeps me out, too." Frank Jr said as he and Stewie shudder by Harelip Steve.

Now we join the gang as Joe takes Frank and Peter to a police seized-property auction.

"So you think I can find a boat here, huh, Joe?" Frank asked Joe about getting a boat.

"Yeah. You wouldn't believe what we confiscate from these crooks." Joe said as he explains on what kind of stuff the police get from crooks.

"Welcome. We open today's bidding with this pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute." Auctioneer said as he bids a prostitute's panties.

"$50!" Quagmire shout his price.

"She had nine STDs." Auctioneer explains her diseases.

"$45." Quagmire lower his price.

"And when we caught her, she wet herself." Auctioneer explains that the girl has wet herself when caught.

$50. Quagmire raised his price again.

"Excuse me. Are you gonna sell anything that's not gross?" Cleveland said as he and his boys Menma and Negi were getting gross out.

"And now our next item. Please direct your attention to this photo of a beautiful 40-foot fishing boat." Auctioneer said as he shows a photo of a beautiful 40-foot fishing boat.

"Oh, man! That's perfect!" Frank said that photo would look good in the living room.

"$12,000!" Man shouted his price.

"$13,000!" Peter shouted his price.

"$25,000!" Man 2 shouted his price.

As Peter Whimpering at losing the picture.

"$30,000!" Frank shouted his price as he wins the picture.

"Sold for $30,000!" Auctioneer said as he responded to Frank's response.

"Yes!" Frank shouted in victory as he run up stage to collect his prized.

"Crap!" Peter shouted at his lost.

"Thanks." Frank said as he leaves the stage with the photo of the boat.

"And now the actual boat itself. Do I have an opening bid for the boat?" Auctioneer said as he give out the real boat out for sale.

"$50,000!" shouted his price to wins the boat for $50,000.

Sold for $50,000! Auctioneer said as Peter buys a boat for $50,000

"Good for you, Peter." Joe said as he congratulates him.

As the people Applause peter as it tones down till One person clapping.

"Congratulations. You've just bought yourself a cursed boat." Seamus said.

"Cursed?" Peter asked the tough fisherman with wood for arms and legs.

"The last captain of that vessel lost his life. And it weren't no accident! His name was Salty. And he was devoured by Daggermouth, the man-eating blowfish. You want to buy that boat? Go ahead. But don't expect me to fish your dead body from an angry sea that gave you fair warning." Seamus said as he explains Peter Griffin that the fish killed his friend, Salty, another fisherman.

"Are you up for bids, too? You are just precious." Peter said as he finds Seamus really amazing.

As we join the family outside as Lois, John, Tyler, Meg and Persephone go on spring break to a spa.

"Are you gonna miss me?" Lois said in loving tone.

"Only until I go to the newsstand and buy a Hustler." Peter said in a loving tone and it was weird. As Lois enters the driving seat read to go.

"All right, I left you the number for the spa. See you in a few days." Lois said as she explains to Peter about the number and they will see them in a few days.

"Not if we strangle myself with a seaweed wrap and die." Persephone said as Meg nodded while John and Tyler looked worried.

"You are dark Persephone, while Meg I want you to have the best time as I take Care of our son Frank Jr!" Frank said his goodbyes to his wife and her sister. As they drove away from the house.

"Junior, mommy loves you!" Meg shouted out of the car as she waves goodbye to the best thing she ever made from herself and her husband.

"Pops, you haven't told me how you expect to pay for that boat." Frank asked him about how he is paying his boat.

"Don't worry, Frank. There's got to be 100 banks that'll give me a loan." Peter said.

As Gunfire and screaming in the background, we join Peter takes out a dubious loan from Jim's Bank To pay for the vessel.

"Wow! So, you can really give me a loan?" Peter:

"I sure can. You see, Mr. Griffin, what sets us apart from other banks is that other banks are banks. Now, I trust you have collateral." Jim Kaplan said as he is scamming Peter.

"Um, I got three kids and half saiyan Grandson." Peter said in response

"I'll take them. Just kidding. Or maybe I'm not. Sign this. Here you go. Good luck!" Jim Kaplan said as peter sign the contract and was given a bag of money.

As he leaves Jim Kaplan hears Bell ringing, he goes to his tattoo parlor while changing into his Tattoo Artist look to give a biker a tattoo.

"So, what do you want on your thigh?" Jim Kaplan asking the biker on what tattoo he wants.

"I want a skull." Biker said.

"Okay. Well, I can draw Kermit the Frog. How about a nice Kermit the Frog?" Jim Kaplan said in response since he can do only Kermit the Frog.

"No. I want a skull." Biker said to that response.

"Okay, well, I'm gonna go ahead and do Kermit the Frog." Jim Kaplan said until the biker stops him.

"that's it, I'm calling my other guy!" the biker said as he calls the other guy who does tattoos in quahog. As it reveals it was Frank Jr was the other person who does tattoos for a live and scam the scammers.

"It's a living!" Frank Jr said as he doing the bikers tattoo.

Meanwhile at Warwick's spa & bath, we join Lois and her girls relaxing in their mud baths while John and Tyler relax in a hot tub.

"Mom, this is so lame." Persephone complains about this spa.

"Come on, Persephone. Try to have fun. I promise after a few days here you won't even remember the words "spring break"." Lois said as Persephone signs.

"How about some TV?" Meg said as she turns on the TV.

"This is MTV and we're rocking at spring break!" MTV VJ said on the MTV channel showing spring break as Meg change the channel.

"This is VH1 and we're rocking at spring break." VH1 VJ said on the VH1 channel showing spring break as John got out of the hot tube to change the channel.

"...leaving thousands injured. For CNN, I'm Bernard Shaw...keeping it real and kicking ass at spring break! Whoo!" Bernard Shaw said as he ribs his clothes off as he hops at the ocean showing everyone was enjoying spring break.

As Meg and Persephone sighing in disgust while John and Tyler think of a plan to help the girls.

"There she is, boys. The S.S. More Powerful than Superman, Batman, Spiderman, and the Incredible Hulk Put Together." Peter said as we join the gang at the port with peter saying the name of his boat. As a sailor come in to comment on the boat.

"Yes, she's a fine vessel. Welcome to the wharf. Name's Hennessey." Hennessey said as he introduces himself as he shakes Peter's hand.

"Hi there, Peter Griffin, my friends call me Peter for short and this is my Son in law, Frank Mallque." Peter said as he shakes Hennessey's hand.

"I'll let you in on a little secret, neighbor. The best fishing is at latitude 42, longitude 71. Keep that to yourself." Hennessey said as he gives them a location to fish.

"Oh, wow! Thanks. We'll see you, fellows. we got some fish to catch." Frank said as they went to Latitude 42 to get some fishes.

"Let's see. Latitude 42, longitude 71. This is it. What the hell?" Peter said as they arrive at a Bar Mitzvah. This resulted Peter unintentionally running over Mordecai the Dancing Yiddish Clown.

"Papa, he killed Mordecai the Dancing Yiddish Clown!" Boy said who became a man.

"Stop crying! You just became a man. Now, act like one!" Father complain to his son that he just became man and shouldn't be crying.

As we join at the port with Hennessey talking to his boys.

"Hey, Hennessey, what's the big idea sending me to that Bar Mitzvah?" Peter shouted at him as he returned from that Bar Mitzvah.

"Because I don't like you! And I don't like your face! We don't need any more fishermen crowding up this wharf!" Hennessey said as he made an enemy with Frank and Peter.

"Oh, well, fine, Hennessey! You want an enemy, you got one!" Frank said as he shoves fishes in Hennessey's pants

"Fine!" Hennessey said as he walks away with fish in his pants.

"There we are. Hey, Steve, you ever think of growing a moustache?" Stewie said to Harelip Steve scrape Mordecai the Dancing Yiddish Clown off the S.S. More Powerful Than Superman, Batman, Spider-Man, and the Incredible Hulk Put Together, the boat belonging to Stewie's father Peter Griffin, by providing a rowboat.

As we join Peter and Hennessey selling fishes at the port.

"Nice fish you got there, Griffin. What are you selling? Your bait?" Hennessey said.

"Uh...Nice face, Hennessey. Yes! Me, one. You, zero. Hey!" Frank said as he run to get the fish that Hennessey threw, as He also used a sign at Griffin's fish stand to tell people that Peter had sex with the fish he catches.

Wow! How do you do it? Man asked them.

"You're very nice to ask. First I hang the old worm out there. They usually go for it. So, I jerk them around a little. They fight for a while. And then they just lay back and accept it." Peter said as he explains how he gets his fishes.

"How about we get together later?" Man said as he gives peter his number call him when he is ready to party.

"Um, okay." Peter said as he and Frank heard Hennessey laughing, they turn around to see the sign saying "I had sex with these fish!"

"What the hell? Oh, damn it!" Frank and Peter shouted at him as Frank begins to kick Hennessey' ass.

Now we join Frank and peter to see the bank is so certain that Peter will default on the loan that they sell the house to another family and repossess his furniture before the payment deadline arrives.

"Hey! What's going on here?" Peter said as frank knew that this was happing but didn't know how he knew.

"Peter/Pops, did you read the fine print on this loan contract?" Frank and Brian said as they explain on what he did.

"If by "read" you mean "imagined a naked lady," then yes." Peter said making an excuses.

"Peter, listen, the bank's taking all our stuff. And according to this if you don't pay them within 48 hours, they get the house, too." Brian explain to him that he must raise $50,000 before the imminent deadline or his house and furniture will be permanently taken away from him.

"Oh, boy! I get to go live at the bank!" Chris said as he was taking with bed included as the move grab Frank Jr with his crib.

"Daddy, Grandpa, get me out this crazy thing!" Frank Jr shouted like George Jetson.

Now we join Lois and Persephone with Meg, John and Tyler driving at night.

"Persephone, Meg, Did I ever tell you two that if you're on birth control and you take an antibiotic it makes it not work? Because no one told me. I thought you two should know." Lois said as she laughs nervously while John was embarrassing by joke.

"Look, Mom, Me and Persephone don't really feel like talking right now. Okay?" Meg said.

"Fine. I just don't understand why we had to leave the spa so early." Tyler asked them.

"Look, we just want to go home and spend the next three days in solitary confinement where we belong!" Persephone said as she and Meg went to sleep.

"Well, I tried." Lois said as she sighing until John saw a sign saying spring break blowout. Then he and Lois decides to slip off to the beach.

Now we join Meg and Persephone walk up to the sound of music, when they notice that they are at Narragansett beach for spring break as they see a lot of teenager having fun.

"Mom, John and Tyler, what the hell are we doing here?" Meg aked them on how they here on spring break.

"This is where you two wanted to be. Right, honey?" Lois said as she notices kids running towards the beach.

"Yeah. But not with you!" Persephone said as she and Meg didn't want to be here with their mom.

As we zoom in on two spring breakers doing their thing.

"Hey, did you hear what happened to the dude from UMass? He got so drunk he fell off his hotel balcony! He's in a coma!" Spring Breaker shouted at his buddy.

"Oh, man! I want to party with him!" Spring Breaker 2 shouted back.

"You know it! Yeah!" Spring Breaker shouted at the top of his lungs as he high five his buddy.

As Spring Breakers shouted yeah and Intense hollering, we join Lois and the girls as we see Connie drive by with the popular kids.

"Hey, look. Meg and Persephone made it, you guys." Connie said.

"Yeah. And she brought her mommy." Cool girl said as the rest of the popular kids laughs at them.

"Oh, my God!" Meg said as she face palms herself in disgracy with Persephone join in her.

"Come on, Meg! Get out of the car! Like the kids say, up your nose with a rubber hose!" Lois said as she gets on top of her car while tying her shirt to make a tang top to dance with teenagers as she fits in better with the party crowd than the Griffin Twins do at their school life.

"Hey, look, everybody. It's Spuds MacKenzie!" Spring Breaker said as Spuds MacKenzie is shown in this chapter, now he attacks the spring breaker as he Screaming in terror.

We join Frank, Peter, Frank Jr and Brian as movers took their belongings out of their home.

"That's the last of the furniture." Brian said as Frank Jr was crying at their stuff was taking away.

"No TV. I miss my friends. John Ritter, and Florence Henderson, and Alfonso Ribeiro." Peter said.

"Is he the guy from Silver Spoons?" Brian asked about Alfonso Ribeiro.

"Um, no, well, he was on French Prince of Bel-Air..." Peter said a lot about Alfonso Ribeiro former roles.

"Fresh Prince." Brian said in response.

"Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. But I don't know if he was also on... Hey, Alfonso." Frank asked Alfonso Ribeiro as he move the rest of the stuff.

"Yeah?" Alfonso Ribeiro said as he stops what he is doing to answer the question.

"Were you on Silver Spoons?" Peter asked Alfonso Ribeiro.

"Yes, I was." Alfonso Ribeiro said the answer as he continued his work.

"Oh, there you go." Peter said as we zoom in on a hotel having fun on spring break.

"Let's get this beach party started!" John shouted as he and Tyler change into their swimming gear as beach song started.

 **(Song: "If Summer Only Lasted One Day")**

 _Well we'll wake up early and wax our surfboards down!_

 _(Hit the beach, yeah we'll hit the beach)_

 _Throw our board shorts on and head for surfin' town_

 _(we'll hit the beach, yeah we'll hit the beach)_

"Hey, look! I can see the hotel from up here!" Tyler said as he is trying para sailing with John and Persephone driving the speed boat. As we join Lois and Meg playing chicken.

"Come on. Just a little higher, honey." Lois said as she and Meg were playing chicken as meg was on the bottom of the game.

"Mom, I don't think I can..." Meg said as she was drowning by the weight of her mother.

"Hey, who's holding Lois?" Spring Breaker asked his friend on who was holding Lois.

"I don't know. Some dude named Mel." Spring Breaker 2 said as Lois fits in better with the party crowd than Meg does, perhaps due to the crowd's belief she is a "guy named Mel".

"This is Carson Daly. And we're live here at spring break. Who wants to party?" Carson Daly said on camera asking who is enjoying spring break. As everyone was cheering.

"Okay, one, two, three, four, five... Okay, we're gonna need cake and juice for 14 people. All right, now let's go to Tom Green who's gonna do something really outrageous!" Carson Daly said while he is providing food as we zoom in on Tom Green is sucking the udder of a cow, the cow has six udders. Cows have four udders.

"Does anyone out there like me yet? Can I stop this?" Tom Green said.

As we join in on Frank and Peter arriving at home to realized that another family just moved in name the Stevensons.

"Hey, what the hell are you doing in our house?" Frank asked the man in his house.

"Your house? This is my house. My wife and I bought it from the bank." Jim:

"We still got another day to pay back the loan." Peter said as he argues that he still had another day to pay for his house.

"The bank said it wouldn't matter because you're both fat deadbeat losers." Jim said in his response.

"Fat deadbeat losers? Well, sir, while I may not agree with what you say, I'll defend to the death your right to say it. Also I didn't sell for my half of house since I co-owner of this place so we have to share it." Frank said as he still the owner of this house. Meanwhile we see Frank Jr and Stewie admire a painting that was hang up by women.

"There we are. It's a van Gogh print. Isn't it beautiful?" Abby Stevenson said as she is Jim's wife. It is very apparent that she has some appreciation of art.

"Oh, yes, I've often fantasized about what this house would be like with more culture." Stewie said as he set another cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Stewie, Peter, Chris, Brian, John, Tyler, and Frank Jr sipping on glasses of wine as they are wearing black tuxedos.

"The port is good" Stewie said.

"Yes" Frank Jr said.

"Indeed" John added.

"Most certainly" Tyler commented.

"What year is it?" Brian asked.

"'51" Chris answered.

"Ahh!" Peter said.

"Delectable." Frank Jr said.

"Indeed." John

"Yes." Tyler

"Oh, dear!" Peter complained as he is in fire.

"What is it?" Brian asked.

"I've spontaneously combusted." Peter explained.

"I am sorry." Frank Jr apologized.

"oh, its quite all right. I've grown tired of living." Peter said.

"Very good" Stewie added.

"For the best" Frank Jr said.

"Yes, indeed" John said.

"Is it raining again?" Tyler asked.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Now we join Persephone, Meg, John and Tyler waiting for Lois comes out of Hooters as a priest and a rabbi went in.

"Did you hear the one about us?" Rabbi said a joke to his priest friend as the popular kids come up of hooters shooters with Lois comes out drunk.

"Wow! You are such a good dancer." Connie said as she compliments Lois dancing skills.

"Way to go on that beer bong." Cool girl said as she compliments Lois drinking skills.

"Yeah, no fake. No fake." Cool guys said as they comment on Lois.

"Mom/Mrs. Griffin!" The Griffin twins, John and Tyler shouted at Lois.

Hey! What are you doing here? Lois asked them.

"What are we doing here? we've been waiting out here for hours!" Meg said as she is piss off by her mother.

"What?" Lois said in a drunk Blake state.

"You were supposed to pop inside "real quick" and find some people who looked enough like us so we could use their IDs." Persephone explain her on what she was supposed to do.

"And then you were supposed to come out and give us the ID so I could get inside. Meg said as she finishes the explanation.

"What?" Lois said in a drunk Blake state.

"God, it's like talking to a 3-year-old!" Meg said as she tired of Lois behavior.

"Oh, you know what? You need to learn how to loosen up a little, toots." Lois said in a goofy tone as she is trying for meg and Persephone to loosen up.

"Yeah, I get the feeling you're loose enough for all of us." John said in a snarky tone.

"What?" Lois said in a drunk Blake state as she almost

"Nothing." Meg said dismissing conversation.

"That's right nothing. Don't you sass me!" Lois said as she fainted on the street.

As Phone ringing at the house of Mallque/Stevensons since the griffin don't have the money to own the house yet.

"Good evening. Mallque/Stevenson residence." Chris answer the phone.

"Chris, honey, we've been over this a thousand times. It's pronounced " Mallque/Griffin." Lois said on the other line of the phone from a hotel as John, Persephone and Tyler watching TV while Meg was on the bed reading "the bell jar!"

"Hi, Mom!" Chris shouted.

"Hi, Chris. Put your father on." Lois said as she asked for peter.

"Hey, Dad?" Chris said as he passes on the Stevenson talking jokes with Frank Jr and Stewie.

"And the French guy says, "Deodorant? What's that?" Jim said as everyone laughs at his jokes.

"All right. All right. I've got one. I've got one. Okay. Two men are standing at the Pearly Gates. Oh, God, wait! How did that one go? Oh, well, anyway, it turns out they're Siegfried and Roy. I'm no good at telling jokes Frank Jr." Stewie said as he tries to tell joke but fails with Frank Jr laughing with him.

"Dad, it's Mom." Chris said as he arrived at the kitchen to give the phone to Peter while Frank and Brian sit near the table.

"Oh, God! Please be Somerset Maugham. Please be Somerset Maugham. Hello?" Peter said as he hopes that it was Somerset Maugham and not his wife as he answers the phone.

"Peter?" Lois responded.

"Damn!" Peter cruses himself as he listens.

"I was just calling to check in with my boys, see how you guys are doing." Lois asked on what's happing with everyone at the house.

Oh, um, We're fine. Peter said as laughter was heard in the background.

"What's all the noise?" Lois asked peter about the noise in the background.

"Nothing. Nothing." Peter said as Frank plays tape recording of Lois speaking.

"Peter, I need you to take out the trash!" Lois voice in tape recording said.

"Okay, Lois! Lois, I got to go! Holy crap, Frank and Brian! What am I gonna do? Lois is gonna be home in a couple of days and we're getting kicked out of the house tomorrow." Peter said as he hangs up while freaking out about their problem.

"What do you suggest?" Frank asked about fixing this problem.

"Get out your ring." Peter said as he pull out a half ring.

"Peter, that's not gonna..." Brian said.

"Come on!" Peter shouted as frank signs as he took out his half ring and join it together with Peter's.

"Wonder Twin powers, activate!" Frank and Peter Both said the chant of the wonder twin of the super friends.

"Form of steam!" Peter said as he waited to transformed into steam.

"Peter, You two got these in a box of Franken Berry." Brian said to that response.

As we join in a game of Pictionary, Stewie is angered by Jim's inability to play the game as evidence by repeating "Jackal" eight times.

"A jackal! Jackal! It's a jackal! It looks like a jackal! Jackal? Jackal? It's a jackal! Jackal?" Jim said to evidence by repeating "Jackal" eight times

"Time!" Abby said as both Stewie and Frank Jr got piss off.

"It wasn't right the first time you said it! Why the hell would it be right the next 10 times? God!" Stewie said as they push the notebook off the table as they storm off.

At the poop deck, we join our heroes drink off the sorrows.

"Oh, man, I am screwed! I'm gonna lose my house, and my boat, and everything. How am I gonna come up with $50,000 by tomorrow?" Peter said as his new fishing career does not prove very successful, and rival fishermen berate and taunt him.

"Well, you could whore yourself out to 1,000 fat chicks for $50 apiece. Or 50 really fat chicks for $1,000. What? Don't look at me like that. Fat chicks need love, too. But they got to pay." Quagmire said as he gave peter an idea to whore himself out to 1,000 fat chicks for $50 apiece.

"What is this?" Peter asked as spits off and questions on what he is drinking.

"Sea water, courtesy of that gentleman over there." Waitress said as she points out Hennessey as he berates and taunt him.

You need $50,000, Mallque and Griffin? I got a suggestion for both of you. Why don't you two kill Daggermouth? Hennessey said as he points at the Daggermouth's wanted poster.

"Maybe We will, Hennessey." Peter said decides to catch the legendary killer fish Daggermouth for a $50,000 reward.

"You'd be buying yourself a one-way ticket to a watery grave. Daggermouth is the meanest, most ruthless creature that's ever inhabited the sea. Legend has it he dwells out by Fish Stench Cove. He'll kill any man that comes near there. I saw him once. Sure I'm blind in one eye, and my other eye was infected that day from picking at it, and I was tired, and I'd been swimming in a pool with too much chlorine, and that was the hour my glasses were at Lenscrafters but I seen that fish!" Seamus tells them about Daggermouth's legend and it was dangerouse.

"If there's $50,000 in it, we don't get a choice." Frank said as he made his choice aswell.

"You can whore yourself out to 1,000 fat chicks for $50." Seamus said as he rehashes quagmire's idea.

"Nah, nah, we covered that." Quagmire said as they already pass off that idea as Hennessey come in.

"You two ain't got a chance, Mallque and Griffin. Daggermouth killed my friend Salty. And he was twice the fisherman you two are. And half the weight!" Hennessey said as he sizzles his butt until Frank grab his hand.

"Hey-no! No! Hot!" Peter shouted at Hennessey's butt.

"He's right, Peter. It'd be suicide to go after that fish. There's gotta be another way." Joe said as he is trying to talk Frank and Peter out of this.

"We could have a bake sale." Menma said good idea.

"Oh, now, see, I think that's a neat idea." Negi agreed with Menma idea.

"No! I am not gonna let my family live on the street. Not even if it means ending up like Seamus here. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with destiny. Peter said as he leaves with frank until…

"oh and Hennessey, I'm might look behind you!" Frank said as Hennessey turns around to see the police as Frank planted evidence on him saying he was a drug dealer. As the police dragged him away, he shouted, "I'll get you for this Mallque and Griffin, I'll get you!" Frank smirked as he and Peter left to face his destiny.

"So, were you like, in an accident, or what?" Quagmire asked Seamus about his wooden appendages.

"No. Me father was a tree." Seamus said about his origin and birth.

As we join the mallue/Stevenson house at night with Peter, Frank Jr in bed with Jim and Abby.

"What's wrong with me? I got to be crazy to think I can kill that man-eating fish. I mean, what the hell am I doing?" Peter said as Frank Jr hugs his grandfather for support.

"Hey, hey, hey, come on, Peter. What kind of talk is that?" Jim said as he cheer up peter.

"Yeah, you can do it. Who's my big brave boy, huh?" Abby asked as she treats Peter like if he was her own son.

"Me." Peter said in a happy response.

"Who's my big brave boy?" Abby asked him the same question/

"Me." Peter said in a happy response.

As Abby blowing raspberries on Peter's stomach

As Rock music playing while everyone was dancing to a rock band as we join Lois and Meg laying on the beach.

"This sucks, Mom." Meg said about her day.

"Meg, stop moping. These are the best years of your life. Now, let's get up there and live a little, huh?" Lois said as she drags Meg toward the stage.

"Mom, I look like an idiot!" Meg said as she looks embarrass on stage.

"No, you don't. Come on. Just move your hips a little like this." Lois said as she dances on stage.

"Lois! Lois! Lois!" Crowd Chanting Lois's name.

"Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg!" Lois chanting Meg's to change their minds.

"Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg!" Crowd Chanting Meg's name now as she begins to shake what her momma gave her.

"Atta girl! Shake your moneymaker!" Lois said as she continues to dance.

Back at the beach, things are getting underway: a band is playing music, people are dancing and playing in the sand, and a dolphin's waterspout is used as a drinking fountain. Tyler was out parasailing. As John is preparing his surfboard, Persephone brings him a drink, but is hit on the head by a falling coconut.

"Oh!" Persephone Groaning as She falls on top of a surprised crab, who then carries her off.

The crab happens to carry her over to the limbo contest. Crowd: How low can you go? How low can you go?

"Look! So that's how low you can go. We've been asking that question for generations! Dancer said to Persephone as everyone cheered.

"What? What's everybody looking at?" Persephone asked on why is everyone looking at her.

"For winning the limbo contest, you are now officially crowned Queen Wahini of the beach! All hail Queen Wahini!" Dancer said as Persephone wins the contest and is crowned "Queen Wahini of the Beach".

"I can't believe it!" Persephone overjoyed as Tyler helps her celebrate by singing "Backyard Beach".

(Song: "Backyard Beach")

 **Tyler**

 _Listen up people and I'll teach ya_

 _'Bout John and Tyler at the backyard beach-a,_

 _Every morning, Johnath, he gonna say (Say!)_

 _"Tyler, whatcha gonna do today?"_

 _Now you see we're having fun, playing under the sun,_

 _And get in line, get in line, 'cause the wet ski's running_

 _A backyard beach, a backyard beach_

 _Nothing's outta reach, we got the backyard beach_

 _You can change in the broken hut,_

 _Drink out of a coconut, Three games for a token, but the rest is free_

 _You got skiing, parasailing,_

 _Surfing and a-flailing,_

 _Your contacts need saline,_

 _Or else, you can't see_

 _Got the backyard beach, a backyard beach_

 _Nothing's out of reach, we got the backyard beach_

 _Got the backyard beach, a backyard beach,_

Persephone and John dancing on the beach as Tyler continues singing.

 _Don't fall into the breach, got the backyard beach!_

"I've never been happier in my entire life!" Persephone declares that she has never been happier. As we join Lois and Meg still dance on the stage.

"Meg! Meg! Meg!" Crowd Chanting Meg's name as she continues to dance as in a moment of exuberance, Meg flashes her breasts.

"Oh, my God! It's a chick!" Man said in shocked of Meg's boobs.

"Ay, dios mio! Una chica!" The school janitor said Repeating what the man said in Spanish. As the cops came in to stop this party.

"All right, everybody! This party's over!" Cop said as Both Meg and Lois are quickly arrested.

"Why do you cops always have to kill our buzz?" Man asked the cops about hashing their party buzz.

"He used a teenage colloquialism. Get the tear gas." Cop said as he and his partner quickly used tear gas on the beachers.

As they all Screaming away, we now join Frank and Peter decides to catch the legendary killer fish Daggermouth for a $50,000 reward.

"Not so fast, big guy." Joe said as he, Quagmire, Cleveland accompany him on his quest.

"What are you guys doing here?" Frank asked them.

"We're gonna help you two kill the fish." Cleveland said.

"But this is gonna be dangerous. We could all die." Peter said about the dangers of this fish.

"Oh, come on. You're our best friend, Peter. Besides, I can remember a time when you saved all our butts." Quagmire said as he sets ups another cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Joe, Quagmire, and Cleveland gagged and with their pants down as they kneeled on the ground on top of a table as two pantless perverts were about to have sex with them. Suddenly Peter, Frank, Menma and Rage arrives. Frank kills one of them with a sword.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Yeah, too bad I didn't get there until after the sodomy. All right, let's go kick some fish ass! Peter said as they all Lively cheering while Joe fell over the dock into the ocean.

As Siren wailing, we join Lois and Meg inside of a police car being take to the Police station.

"I can't believe I just showed everyone my tater tots. Worst of all, now I'm gonna have a police record, Man Frank is going be very piss or very horney." Meg said as she reflects on what happed today.

"Now, Meg, if you're gonna grab ahold of life, you've gotta expect to get your hands dirty once in a while." Lois said as she takes out a Bobbie pine to unlocked her cuffs.

"It was kind of cool that people noticed me." Meg said as Lois unlocked her cuffs.

"That's the spirit, honey. Okay, one, two, three, tuck and roll!" Lois said as They escape from the police car by roll off the car by their doors.

As we join Frank, Peter, Cleveland, Joe & Quagmire inside the boat drinking Beers.

"We're right on course, guys. Give me another beer." Peter said as quagmire gives him one.

"You know; these are the precious moments. The four of us out at sea, miles away from civilization, tossing back brews." Joe said as they enjoy their time here at sea.

"Amen to that, Joe. Hey, you guys, here's one for you. Let's say none of us were married, all right? If you could have any woman in the world, who would it be?" Peter said as they are talking about which of any woman they could have in the world if they were not married.

"Mariel Hemingway." Joe chooses Mariel Hemingway

"Come on. Really?" Frank asked on that women.

"Not a very good choice." Cleveland said as he agreed with Frank.

"She's jagged." Quagmire said her flaw.

"No. I think she's very attractive in a classical kind of way." Joe said as he complements her looks in a classy way.

"Yeah, but you could cut a roast on her face." Quagmire say her face is fat.

"I would go with Margaret Thatcher." Cleveland:

Margaret Thatcher? The gang All shouted.

"Why the hell Margaret Thatcher?" Peter asked Cleveland on that women.

"Oh, so nobody here thinks power is sexy? Not one of you finds power sexy?" Cleveland question on why her power is not sexy.

"How about you, Peter?" Joe asked him.

"Oh, like you got to ask. The chick with three knockers from Total Recall." Peter said as he chooses "the chick from Total Recall with the three knockers."

"Interesting." Joe said as he is intrigued.

"I never saw that movie." Cleveland said.

"Hey, you know one was papier-mâché, right?" Quagmire said that one of the boobs was fake.

"Oh, jeez, can I change my answer? Of course I know it's paper! I don't care! What's wrong with you? What about you, Quagmire?" Peter said as he doesn't care if one of the boobs was fake while asking Quagmire.

"Taylor Hanson." Quagmire said.

"Taylor Hanson's a guy." Joe said as he reveals that Taylor Hanson is a male.

"You guys are yanking me. Hey, let's put one over on old Quagmire." Quagmire said as he is not buying it.

"No, he's actually a guy, Quagmire." Peter said as he too reveals that Taylor Hanson is a male.

"Well, well, this is insane! That's impossible! Oh, my God, Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, God! I got all these magazines. Oh, God! Oh, God!" Quagmire said as he freaks out when Peter and Joe reveal that Taylor Hanson is a male.

As Suspenseful instrumental music playing at night now we join the gang as Frank and his friends manage to track the legendary fish to his lair.

"This must be Fish Stench Cove." Joe gasping in terror.

"All right. Now all we got to do is find the fish." Peter said as he drives the ship into his cave as a man with elongated arms who eggs on the gang to find Daggermouth is from Monty Python's 1983 film The Meaning of Life.

"I wonder where that fish did go. A fish, a fish, a fishy, oh." Terry Jones said. As more Suspenseful instrumental music playing in the background.

"I heard that when Daggermouth eats you, he devours your guts first." Joe said a rumor.

"I heard he doesn't just eat you, he eats your soul!" Cleveland said another rumor

"I heard one of Shannen Doherty's eyes is off-center 'cause it's trying to escape!" Peter said something random as they come face to face on the fish name Daggermouth.

"Welcome, gentlemen!" Daggermouth greets his prey.

"It's him! Quick, shoot him!" Quagmire asked someone to shoot him. As everyone tries to get a gun until Daggermouth stops them with his gun.

"Not so fast! Perhaps I could offer you a glass of port. And you a glass of starboard. That's a little nautical joke. I'm a fish, you see. I'm also delightfully mad." Daggermouth said as he insults quagmire and job as he shoots at them but miss them.

"Oh dear, would you mind holding still for a moment? These antique pistols take about ten minutes to reload." Daggermouth said as he tries to reload his gun.

"Frank, catch!" Joe said as he throws the harpoon gun to Frank.

"Ow! Don't throw stuff at me, Joe!" Frank shouted.

"Frank, shoot him!" Cleveland said as he asked him to shoot Daggermouth

"Oh, yeah. Right." Frank said as he shoots him dead as they discover that Daggermouth is in fact a robotic fish.

"My God! Isn't it amazing that that's what we all look like on the inside?" Peter asked as he look at Daggermouth's insides

"It's a robot, you idiot." A man said as he reveals himself to them.

"Who are you?" Joe asked the man.

"I'm Salty." Salty said as he introduces himself.

"Salty? But everybody said you were killed by that fish." Peter said as he questions his death.

"That's what I wanted them to think. I disappeared and spread the Daggermouth rumor myself." Salty explains the fact the robotic fish created by him; a fisherman Daggermouth is supposed to have killed, was some ruses.

"Why?" Frank and Peter asked him.

"Merchandise! Daggermouth t-shirts, mugs, posters. And I'm in talks with Nickelodeon for a cartoon show. Figured I'd pair him with an effeminate cat. What do you think?" Salty said to generate a demand for merchandise.

"I'd watch that." Frank and Peter said in agreement.

"Sure, sure" Joe said also in agreement.

"Me, too." Quagmire said also in agreement.

"Sounds like a good balance." Cleveland said also in agreement.

"And now I'm gonna give you $50,000 to be on your way." Salty said as he gives Peter $50,000 in hush money.

"$50,000? For what?" Peter question him.

"To keep your mouth shut! And because the longer we stay here the more people'll question how a fisherman with no engineering background managed to build a sophisticated talking fish robot." Salty said own question, as to how a fisherman with no engineering background created such a sophisticated robot, is left unexplained.

As we join Lois and the gang returning home with Persephone relaxing with her Boyfriend John.

"Girls, I'm really sorry for how I acted. Getting so drunk, and ditching you guys at the bar and letting those boys take pictures of the two of you while you were sleeping. I was so busy having fun, I guess I kind of ruined it for both of you." Lois said as she apologies for her behavior to her daughter's and her adopted son's.

"it okay Mrs. Griffin, just don't let it happen again!" Tyler said as John nodded while he just scored with the girl of his dreams.

As Car honking when a car full of spring breakers pull alongside them, honking and yelling.

Uh-oh, we got company. Lois:

Looks like your fans are back, Mom. Meg:

Meg! Meg! Meg! Meg! Cool kids:

No, I think this one's all yours. Lois said they are not cheering for Lois, as it first appears, but for Meg. As she who obliges them by flashing again.

As the popular kids Cheering for that flashing.

"You go, girl!" Connie said.

"All right!" Cool boy 1 said about the flashing.

"One's an innie, and one's an outie." Cool boy 2 said he explains about Meg's boobs.

As we join Frank jr with his grandparents to watch his new favorite show Daggermouth and Boom Boom.

"And now, back to Daggermouth and Boom Boom on Nickelodeon." Announcer said as Daggermouth and Boom Boom is an American fictional animated television series that aired on Nickelodeon. It was the 18th Nicktoon ever made, picked up and premiering in "A Fish out of Water". The series is loosely based on the Daggermouth character created by Salty, a fisherman. In it, Daggermouth lives with an effeminate cat named Boom Boom.

"Boom Boom, did you do your exercises today?" Daggermouth asked him about his exercises.

"Yes. I did 20 laps. And I'm about to do 20 more!" Boom Boom said Boom Boom enters and brags about doing 20 laps to Daggermouth's surprise

"Oh, you!" Daggermouth said as Boom Boom then offers to perform 20 more, lapping up the milk in front of Daggermouth to his annoyance.

"Yipes!" Boom Boom said as Then Daggermouth proceeds to chase Boom Boom off into the distance as Whimsical instrumental music playing in the background.

"Oh, Peter, I'm so glad being a fisherman is working out for you. You know I gotta admit I half expected to come home, and all our stuff would be gone, and we'd owe somebody a whole lot of money." Lois said as she explains some of the stuff that happened in this chapter.

"How can you "half expect" something?" Peter question her about "half expect."

"I don't know. It's just a turn of phrase." Lois answer his question.

How do you "turn a phrase"? Peter asked a dumb question to her

"God, you're dumb! Thank God for that ass! Now, come here and kiss me. Good night, honey, Good night, Frank Jr." Lois said as she kisses peter while saying goodnight to her husband and grandchild.

"Good night, Grandma. Good night, Jim and Abby." Frank Jr said as he tucks himself in the blankets

"Good night." Jim & Abby said as they turn off the lights.

As Abby blowing raspberries in Frank Jr's belly while he chuckles in the dark.

"Not now, Abby." Frank Jr said as we enter closing theme music.

 **Chapter ends**

 **I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thanking for pen123 and Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas. Also Doc x me if you want to help with scenes for next chapter because I need the ideas.**


	12. Chapter 39: Emission Impossible

**Chapter 39: Emission Impossible**

 **Opening Credits**

 _It seems today that all ya see_

 _Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

 _But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

 _On which we used to rely_

 _Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

 _Lucky there's a man who_

 _Positively can do_

 _All the things that make us_

 _Laugh n' Cry_

 _He's_

 _a_

 _Fam_

 _-ily_

 _Guy!_

 **End**

As Frank Jr and Stewie's dialog after they opening the fridge

"Oh, let's see. We got soda, purple stuff. Oh, Sunny D! All right!" Stewie said as they are taken verbatim from an old Sunny Delight commercial where kids root around in the refrigerator and they pick Sunny D over the other drinks.

Now we see Frank Jr and Stewie watches an episode of The Smurfs which spoofs the way the characters use the word smurf as a euphemism for an endless number of words.

"We now return to The Smurfs." Television Announcer said as the show started.

"You have a good time last night?" Smurf 1 said to Smurf 2 about last night.

"Smurftacular." Smurf 2 said about last being awesome.

"Yeah, I saw you leave with Smurfette." Smurf 1 said to Smurf 2 about 2 leave with Smurfette.

"Oh man, as soon as we got out of the bar, she started smurfing me." Smurf 2 said that Smurfette was getting it on with him.

"Shut the smurf up!" Smurf 1 said to Smurf 2.

"Yeah!" Smurf 2 said

"Right in the smurfin' parking lot?" Smurf 1 said to Smurf 2.

"Smurf yeah!" Smurf 2 said

"Oh, that is freakin' smurf." Smurf 1 said to Smurf 2 as he high five him.

"You smurf it." Smurf 2 said

"That is freakin' smurf." Smurf 1 said to Smurf 2 as he smiled with him.

"Yeah." Smurf 2 said as he smiled as well.

As Phone rings, Lois answer it.

"Hello? Oh, my God!" Lois said as she gasp on what she heard and Drag Meg down stairs into the basement aka John and Tyler's room. which Peter and Frank are watch the laundry being wash in the washing machine.

"Frank, Peter, why are you two staring into the dryer?" Lois asked the duo.

"Me and Pop watching the latest episode of Laundry Theater. See? Now, those are Chris' socks, right? They don't know that Stewie's shirt is having an affair with Meg's trousers." Frank explain their imaginary show.

"Ooh, it's fun to watch rich people be naughty!" Peter said with glee on what they watch.

John and Tyler spun their fingers around their ears to show that he was crazy, while they played videogames.

"Frank, Dad, listen to Mom. Her sister just called. Her baby's due any day now and Ted just walked out on her." Meg said as John and Tyler stop playing their Super smash bros game at the news.

"Whoa, whoa." John said as he stops Meg from talking.

"Back it up, back it up." Tyler said as he continued from what John have said.

"You have a sister, Lois?" Peter question his wife on family members.

"I promised her I'd be on the next train. Poor Carol. All alone in that big house." Lois said in worried.

"Wait a minute. Carol. Carol. Is she the one with the Jacuzzi and the pool table?" Frank asked that carol has a Jacuzzi and the pool table.

"Yeah." Lois answer Frank's question.

"Well, me, Frank Jr and Meg Better come with you." Frank said as he hugs his wife and son to join in this adventure.

"Really? Well, that's a surprise." Lois question Frank request.

"Oh, come on, Lois. When have Frank not been there for you?" Peter said as we set a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

Frank, Meg, Peter and Lois stopped at a stop sign as two robbers pulled their guns at them.

"Get out of the damn car, now!" carjacker 1 said.

"Scream and you're dead!" carjacker 2 said.

"Thanks for the ride, lady!" Peter said as he left Lois alone in the car.

As Frank does a Diving Kick, Frank dives down towards his opponent.

Then does Flying Punch which Frank uppercuts them his way into the air.

 **Cutaway Ends**

As we join the Family arriving at quagmire house so Quagmire babysits Meg, Chris, and Stewie while Peter accompanies Lois on a visit to her pregnant, newly single sister Carol. Frank then push the doorbell as the Doorbell ringing.

"Hey, it's the Mallques and The Griffins! What can I do for you?" Quagmire said his greetings

"Glen, we have a family emergency. We need you to take the kids for just a couple days." Lois asked him to babysits her kids.

"Well, in accordance with Megan's law, I'm obligated to inform you that...you know what, that's fine. I'll take the kids." Quagmire said as he leads them into house.

"Aw, thanks, buddy." Peter said as he leaves with Lois, Frank and Meg.

Gosh! I've never had to entertain kids before. So a chick walks into a gynecologist's office... Quagmire said a joke but John, Tyler, Persephone, Chris and Stewie were none responsive.

Then Quagmire Makes ridiculous noises but John, Tyler, Persephone, Chris and Stewie were none responsive.

Then Quagmire Makes baby noises while dangling his keys but John, Persephone and Stewie were none responsive until chris and Tyler act like cats as they attack the keys with their paws while giggling.

While Frank, Meg and Peter accompanies Lois on a visit to her pregnant, newly single sister Carol.

"Don't worry. We'll get you through this. In a few days you'll have a beautiful baby. And you can smother it with all your unrequited love." Lois said as she tries to cheer up her sister.

"As soon as the baby can crawl, it'll probably leave me, too just like my eight husbands." Carol said about her baby was going to leave her when it's older.

"Hey, Carol. It's me, Ted. Listen, I came back because I love you." Someone siad behind of the bedroom door.

"I'm just kidding. It's us, Frank Jr, Frank and Peter." Peter said as they enter the room as they cheer her up by that joke.

"Ha,ha,hah,aha.. It was so nice of you to come, Frank Jr. You're so considerate." Carol said as she is glad to see her grand nephew.

"It was nothing." Frank Jr said until he breaks a lap them move the bed to hide it. As he leaves, until Meg, Lois and Carol hears Crash and Furniture being dragged.

Now we join at the quagmire residents as quagmire was making a martini.

"Mr. Quagmire! we finished the scavenger hunt!" Chris said as he and Tyler come in with stuff they got for the the scavenger hunt.

"Whoa, whoa, hold your horses, hold your horses. Let's go down the list. An unsharpened pencil?" Quagmire asked him as he takes out his list for the scavenger hunt.

"Check!" Chris answer.

"A speed-limit sign that doesn't end in 5 or 0?" Quagmire asked him.

"Check!" Chris answer.

"Your mom's hairbrush?" Quagmire asked him

"Check!" Chris answer.

"You win!" Quagmire said

"Boy! What's my prize?" Chris asked Quagmire on what They won.

"A pencil and a speed sign!" Quagmire said.

"we did it!" Chris cheered while Tyler did some dance moves as he takes his stuff.

"I'll be right back." Quagmire said as he enters his closet with handmade sex doll with Lois's picture.

"A couple of teeth and toenail clippings and we'll be ready for our date!" Quagmire:

Meanwhile at carol's house, Frank, Frank Jr and peter went inside her closet.

"Hey, Aunt Carol? Since Ted dumped you, can I have his shirts?" Frank asked her about her former husband's shirts

"Frank, what are you gonna do with Ted's shirts? He's more of your size." Lois said

"I know, I know, I know. But check this out." Frank said as peter went next to carol.

"Hey, Carol. Say, "David Banner, I just slashed your tires." Peter asked carol to say that sentence.

"David Banner, I just slashed your tires." Carol said as Frank Jr Angry screaming before he rips through one of Ted's shirts. This is meant to mimic the transformation of David Banner into The Incredible Hulk in the 1977-82 Hulk TV series.

"Ha, hah, ha… I'm priceless." Frank Jr said

"Guys, sit with Carol. Me and Meg are going to use the ladies' room." Lois said as she and meg leave towards the bathroom while Frank Jr sit next to carol while Frank and Peter stand next to them.

Does she still take the newspaper in there? Carol:

"Yeah. And after she does, I just can't read it." Frank Jr said as he makes faces about what Lois did until Carol Screaming in pain.

"Oh! Oh, God! The baby's gonna be here any minute! We had better get moving!" Carol said as she goes into labor.

"Carol, you got to relax. You let that kid start calling the shots now and you're screwed." Frank Jr said as givin advice for talking baby that will come throughout the show.

At quagmire residences.

"Is Mr. Quagmire babysitting all these people, too?" Chris asks John and Persephone about the people who are the house mingling.

"Hey, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "U" and "l" together." Quagmire said to some blonde hot women as they cheer their glass.

"You must be a parking ticket because you got "fine" written all over you." Quagmire said as he met another blonde while doing the bump.

"Hey there. I don't want to come between you. Or do I? Oh, that's awful. That's awful." Quagmire said as he came between a brunet and another blonde while laughing.

Meanwhile we join Stewie and Tyler in a group of hot women near a table.

"This is a song I've been singing for a number of years. I find it grows truer and truer as time goes by." Stewie said as he sing and Tyler plays Piano in front of many hot women at Glenn Quagmire's party. They plays "Hungry Eyes" by Eric Carmen.

 **Stewie**

 _Hungry eyes_

 _I feel the magic between you and I_

"Ooh, I'm hungry for you, baby. Come on. Walk with me. Talk with me." Stewie said as he Smacks woman's butt while walking away.

As a car Honking, we join Peter drives carol to the hospital with Frank Jr riding shotgun.

While Carol Panting with Frank, Meg and Lois in the back.

"Don't worry, Carol. We're almost there." Lois said to calm her sister down until Frank notice that the car stops at a burger bobs restaurant.

"Pops, why are we stopped?" Frank asked peter from the back.

"Um, yeah, I'll have three cheeseburgers." Peter said as he stopping only for cheeseburgers.

"For God's sake! She's having a baby!" Lois shouted at peter to get them to the hospital.

"That's right. And a kid's meal." Peter said as Frank Jr pulled on his shirt.

"And I guess I'll have fries. If I have fries, is anybody else gonna have any? Because I don't want to be the only one eating them; I'll feel like a fatty." Frank Jr asked everyone if anyone is going to have fries because he feel self-conscious about his wait.

Meanwhile at the hospital they all rush to the front class.

"Nurse! This woman is in labor!" Lois asks the nurse in the front desk until being push back by Adam west.

"Excuse me. I was here first. My leg is asleep." Mayor West asks the nurse in the front desk about his leg.

As Carol Yelling in labor while the gang was in the delivery room.

"All right, let's see what we have here. Oh, the baby's crowning." Dr. Hartman said by looking at carol's vagina as she is crowning.

As Carol Yelling, the doctor gets ready.

"I'm just going to put on a pair of gloves and we'll deliver this baby. These don't feel like gloves at all. They feel like used needles. But this is where I always keep the gloves. Maybe if I dig deeper. Nope. Just feels like more needles. That's the craziest thing. Oh, now I'm sure this isn't the glove drawer." Dr. Hartman said as he mistakenly jabs himself with several needles and faints.

"My God! Who's gonna deliver my baby?" Carol said in panic as she continued being in labor.

"Guys, do something!" Meg asked her father and husband.

"No baby. But it looks like Carol's blowing a bubble." Peter said as he and Frank looked at Carol's vagina.

"Frank, Peter, that's the head! Push! Push!" Lois said as she asked carol to push.

"we are! It won't go back in! Peter said as he pushes the head back to carol's vagina.

"Not you, Pops! Carol, push! You and me, we pull!" Frank said as he takes over the delivery.

"Oh, my God!" Peter said in shocked.

"What? What?" Lois asked what's wrong.

"It's a beautiful baby girl." Peter said as he holds the baby until Frank notice something about the baby's gender.

"A baby girl. I'm so happy." Carol said in happy tone about her baby.

"Oh, pops that isn't a girl?" Frank said as he was trying to tell the truth to Peter.

"But she has a penis. Well, we'll have to do something about that." Peter said as he takes out scalpel to cut out the penis, until frank stops him.

"Pops, no! It's a boy!" Frank said as he takes the boy into his arms.

"Well, how do you like that? Hey there, little fella. Welcome to the planet Earth. Kitchy kitchy kitchy koo." Frank said as he makes Baby passes gas while they both laugh.

"He takes after his Uncle Peter." Peter said as he joins in the fun.

"Guys, he's Carol's baby. Give him to her." Lois said as she asked Frank gives back carol her baby.

"Oh, yeah." Peter said as the baby went into carol arms, Frank can't help that he thinks about the babies he met during the Mallque Murdock Spellbook Power Hour in Season 1.

"Honey, you were fantastic. And you were so cute when you were holding it." Meg said.

I know. I didn't want to give it up. Frank said as he Reminded of the wonderful experience of childbirth.

"Yeah?" Lois said in cheer.

"Let's steal it." Peter said as to steal the baby for themselves

"What?" Lois, Meg Frank shouted as Frank had a better idea.

"No, wait. I got a better idea. Meg, let's have another baby." Frank said as he tells Meg that he wants to have another child.

"What? Sweetie, you're not serious?" Meg asked Frank about the idea.

"I sure am. The best thing I've ever done with my life is being a dad to Frank Jr. why not expand." Frank said.

"Oh, Guy. I think it's a wonderful idea." Lois said as she and Peter went to hug them.

"Why haven't you sent for help?" Dr. Hartman said as he is still having needles in his hand.

Meanwhile in the hall, two girls were sitting in the waiting on the bench at the hospital's hallway and one of them noticed a kid with some jet black spikey hair.

"Hey look, have you seen any baby with that kind of hair cool as that?" Maddie asked her sister.

"Now that you've asked I never seen anyone with cool spikey hair." Rosie said as he complements Frank Jr's awesome hair.

"You think my spikey hair is cool?" Frank Jr asked the girl who look really familiar to him.

"You bet it is, I'm Maddie Murdock." Maddie said as she introduces herself.

"Uh... Hi, I'm Frank Mallque the Second, although my family would just they call me by the name of Frank Jr." Frank Jr said as he introduces himself.

"And I'm Rosie. So what brings you here? My mommy has a peanut allergy and Maddie had to take a blood test." Rosie explain why they are her and they asked him what's he in here for.

"I came for a checkup while my Great Aunt gave birth to my Second Cousin." Frank Jr said as Maddie and Rosie gave him a pat on the back.

"Mazel Toff!" Maddie said in congratulations as she shakes his hand, meanwhile Frank, Meg, Peter and Lois came out of the delivery room to what's going on with Frank Jr.

"Oh would you look at that Frank; it seems that someone's making new friends." Lois said with glee.

"I'll say." Frank said as he feels that he knows who those girls were but he can't put his finger on it.

"You know, because of this, I've been wondering, why don't we ask their parents and see if they want to spend the night." Lois said as she made plan for a play date with Frank Jr and his new friends.

"But I wonder how Stewie would take it." Peter asked them about their youngest son about the play date and the news.

At the Mallque/Griffin house, Lois gleefully tells the rest of the family the news.

"I can't believe you guys want to have another kid!" Persephone said.

"Peter, did you find Chris, Persephone and Meg's baby books?" Lois asked peter about him finding their kids baby books.

"Not yet. Hey, look at this, Lois. It's our pet rock. I remember the first day we brought it home." Peter said as he finds the Griffins' pet rock, which were a popular 1970s trend while setting a cutaway.

 **(Cutaway 2)**

We see Peter playing with a pet rock.

"See that? Bad rock. Bad. We do that outside! Look at him. He knows what he did" Peter said as he saw a puddle in the carpets.

 **(Cutaway 2 Ends)**

As we join Chris finding his baby book.

"I found my baby book! Here's the broken condom that led to my birth." Chris said as John and Tyler were gross out.

"And the resulting lawsuit bought us this house. You're my favorite mistake." Lois said while Chris gloats.

"You see, Meg and Persephone? I'm the favorite!" Chris said it to their faces as Frank Jr and Stewie walk in to the Babies books.

"Ah, baby books. Nostalgic for the days of chafed nipples and episiotomies?" Stewie said whiel making fun of Lois's body on pregnancy.

"Somebody hasn't heard the news." Lois said in a happy tone.

"News? What news?" Frank and Stewie said as they question on what new that they don't know about.

"What's the most wonderful thing that could happen to this family?" Lois questions Stewie on the most wonderful thing that could happen to this family as it sets a cutaway.

 **(Cutaway 3)**

We see Peter and Brian and Stewie and Frank Jr. and John and Tyler reading newspapers, Chris drawing, Meg doing her nails, and a dead Lois on the floor as the alive members are relaxing in front of a fireplace.

"The Phillies won." Stewie said as he moves a page of his newspaper.

 **(Cutaway 3 Ends)**

"You're two are gonna have a baby brothers, buddies." Peter said the new to the two babies with glee.

"Or sister." Lois said if they going to have females in the family.

"A new baby. That's wonderful. Call me when Kojak starts." Frank Jr said as he and Stewie walk away until Stewie came with an angry look.

"What?" Stewie said as he is less than enthusiastic

Meanwhile at the backyard with Rupert as psychiatrist; Stewie on the couch.

"Another baby? But I'm the baby. Why the deuce would they want to replace me? My cheeks are pinchable. My bottom is smooth. My laugh is heartwarming. [laughs] What's that? I certainly am not overreacting! What the devil do you think happened to Bobby when they added Cousin Oliver to The Brady Bunch?" Stewie said as he questions himself, his parents and his Nephew's Parents on why having more babies while setting a cutaway.

 **(Cutaway 4)**

"Oliver, did you break this vase?" Carol Brady asked.

"No. The floor did" Oliver answered.

"He's so cute" Peter Brady said.

"Hey, everybody. I…" Bobby arrives.

"Bobby, you get back in the garage!" Peter demanded as he pushed Bobby back with a broom.

 **(Cutaway 4 Ends)**

"It can't happen! I was here first! well, technically, third but no time for semantics. This is Stewie Country and I intend to keep it that way! As God is my witness, from this day forward Peter and Lois shall not conceive!" Stewie said as He feels threatened in his position as the youngest and he resolves to prevent the conception of another sibling. While Dramatic instrumental music playing in background.

Stewie noticed two baby girls with Frank Jr.

"Junior? Who are these broads and what they doing here?" Stewie asked Frank Jr two new guest.

"I made new friends at that hospital I visited, this is Maddie, and that's Rosie." Frank Jr said as he introduces his two new friends.

"Hi." Maddie and Rosie introduce themselves to Stewie.

"And what they doing?" Stewie asked them on why they are here.

"We're having a sleepover." Maddie answer him on they are her to have a sleepover.

"A sleepover?! At my house?!" Stewie shouted in panic.

"Why yes, what's wrong with that? Bad timing?" Frank Jr asked Stewie as he is worried for his uncle.

"Oh it's just the worse time ever! Lois must've brought these whores here to make you forget about me when I get a new sibling." Stewie said as he panics about his life and losing his nephew.

"What? That's ridiculous, I would never forget about you, Your my uncle." Frank Jr explain to Stewie that he wouldn't leave him.

"Wait, he's your uncle?" Maddie asked Frank Jr on Stewie being his Uncle.

"It's long story..." Frank Jr said as he explains them about his family history.

At the middle of the night Brian came into Frank Jr and Stewie's room with a pillow.

"What are you doing here?" Stewie asked Brian on why he is doing in his room.

"Uh, Peter and Lois are, uh, getting intimate." Brian explain to Stewie that his parents that they are getting it on.

"My God! I thought I had more time! I've got to stop them!" Stewie said as he ran towards his parent's room. While Frank Jr just shrugged as he plays super smash bros on the Nintendo 64 with Maddie and Rosie.

"Waah, Waah, Mommy! Daddy! I had a bad dream! I saw the... Blast! What the devil is that name again? Bogeyman! Yes. That's it. I saw the bogeyman." Stewie said as he Fake crying his way to his parents bed and stopping them from making a baby.

"Aw, did someone have a bad dream? Why don't you sleep with Mommy and Daddy?" Lois said as she tucks in her bay while peter was trying to remove her sleeping dress.

"Peter, for God's sakes! Stewie's right here!" Lois said as she stops peter from doing her.

"Come on, Lois, we can still do it. He'll just think I'm hurting you." Peter trys to make an excuses to get down.

"Relax, honey. It's only for tonight." Lois said as she turns off the light while everyone went to sleep. Until Stewie hears Peter snoring.

Roll over. Roll over, I say! Stewie said until Peter rolls on him as he Muffled yelping.

"Smells like cheese." Stewie said from under of peter.

As we join Frank, Peter and Brian making a crib in the garaged.

"Okay. It says to Insert Rod Support A into Slot B." Brian said the instructions

"That's what..." Peter said as he was say "That's what she said" one more time.

"And if you say "That's what she said" one more time, I'm gonna pop you." Frank threatening Peter.

As Joe, Quagmire, Cleveland, Menma, Rage, Zeke and Negi came by.

"What you building there, neighbor?" Joe question them.

"Well, we were keeping it a secret, but you guys are my best friends, so I'll tell you. Lois and I are having another baby!" Peter said the new of him and Lois having a baby.

The Guys did a Girlish shrieking.

"We are so throwing you a shower!" Quagmire said in a happy tone.

As Suspenseful instrumental music playing we join Stewie going into the bathroom.

"Well, fat man, we'll see if Lois wants to have sexual relations when she finds lipstick on your collar." Stewie said as he smears one of Peter's shirt collars with lipstick. That when John and Tyler notice Stewie doing one of his plots so for old time sake, they went down stairs to Lois and tell on him.

"There we are. Well! Look at you there. You're a filthy girl, aren't you? Yes, you're looking for a bad time. That's what you're after. You're a dirty flirt. You want it bad. You don't care where you get it from. You have no self-respect, and that gets you off, doesn't it?" Stewie said as he gets distracted by his own image in the mirror as he acts like a whore.

"Stewie! Bad boy! That's Mommy's makeup! You got it all over your father's favorite shirt. Now, go to your room!" Lois said as she busted him

"Wow. The evidence is really piling up." John said.

"Yeah, we just busted a whore in the making!" Tyler agreed with John.

"Make any joke you two want. You guys know I look good." Stewie said as he walks away.

As Suspenseful instrumental music playing while Peter and Lois goes in their room to try again to get down and nasty.

"My God! They're at it again! All this time spent keeping people from having sex! Now we know how the Catholic Church feels. Ba-zing!" Frank Jr said as he and Stewie were spying ont them while making a joke about the church.

"Time to initiate Phase Two." Stewie said as Dramatic instrumental music playing while he went into his closet to grab something.

He come out, he utilizes a mechanical replica of Peter.

"All right. Testing voice modulator. "Blast you, vile woman!" Stewie said.

"Blast you, vile woman!" Peter robot repeated what Stewie said.

"Oh, that won't do. "Pardon me, you with the severe aesthetic deficiencies." Stewie said as he presses the translator to make himself talk like peter.

"Hey, ugly." Peter robot said the insults like the real peter said it.

"Excellent!" Stewie said as he Maniacal laughts.

"Sweet." Peter robot said excellent in peter speaks as nasal laughter.

As the Peter rob arrives at the door, he opens a can of beer to lay his trap.

"Who's got beer?" Peter said as he hears an open can of beer but the Peter robot chloroforms him. Then The Peter robot enters the room.

"Where'd you go, my little pumpkin eater?" Lois asked The Peter robot as she thinks it's the real peter.

"To the can, because kissing you made me barf." Peter robot said to insult Lois.

"What?" Lois question the robot as the children come in the room.

"Dad, Persephone keeps pushing me!" Chris said as he tattles on her while he pushing her.

"Oh, like I could! He's so fat!" Persephone said an insult about Chris weight while pushing him.

"I'm not fat! I'm Rubenesque!" Chris said as he argues about his true weight.

"That's it. Your dad's had enough. I want you kids to go downstairs and drink the antifreeze in the garage." Peter robot said as he sent the kids downstairs and drink the antifreeze in the garage. While John and Tyler question Peter's punishment.

"I'm gonna chug it all so there's none left for you!" Chris said as he accidentally knocks him out the window.

"Hey, watch it!" Persephone said.

"Peter!" Lois said as she look out the window he fell through.

"What?" the real Peter said as he come up next to her.

Hey, Peter. Cleveland said as he sees Stewie escape the Peter robot.

"I see nothing. Nothing." Cleveland said in a German accent. This was a catch phrase of Sergeant Schultz, a bumbling German Sergeant, on the 1960s sitcom Hogan's Heroes, in which a group of Allied prisoners of war sabotage the German war effort from a POW camp. Schultz, who was sympathetic to the Allies, shouted the phrase to indicate that he would refuse to report the prisoners' shenanigans to his military superiors.

Now we join the family in Peter and Lois's room.

"I've had it with these interruptions! All we want is a little time alone! Go to your rooms for the rest of the night." Lois said as he sent everyone into their rooms.

"I don't want to go to my room. There's an evil monkey in my closet!" Chris said that he has an evil monkey in his closet.

"Evil monkey." Right. Peter said as he and Lois laughs at Chris's foolish .

As Sinister instrumental music playing, we see an evil monkey pointing at him while he freaky out.

"Okay, you guys are not his stupid to not notice a monkey in Chris closet!" Tyler said in response until Peter and Lois give him the stink eye.

Now we join Peter and Lois in a candlelit dinner.

"This romantic dinner was a wonderful idea, Peter." Lois comments on the amazing dinner.

"Ah, you deserve it, my beautiful princess." Peter said.

"You know, I'm not wearing any panties." Lois said as she sultry laughs.

"Don't worry. We can always throw that chair out." Peter said as they both giggling while drink their wine while making out.

As Dramatic instrumental music playing in the background, the candlelit dinner threatens to lead to intimacy between his parents, Stewie and Frank Jr rush towards their room, they move their toy chest as the put in their passcode to open a secret room which holds a shrinking vessel is similar in function to that in the 1966 film Fantastic Voyage.

"Very well then. If I can't stop them from the outside I'll stop them from the inside!" Stewie said as he and Frank Jr enter their vessel to shrinks themselves and their spaceship-like vessel and to enters Peter's body.

"Oh, dear! I'm afraid you're in a no-fly zone." Frank Jr said as he was driving while chase a fly, then he kills it with star wars theme lazers.

"As was your fate, Mr. Fly, so is the fate of every sperm in Peter's body!" Stewie said as they enter Peter's body to destroy his sperm through the mouth.

As Dramatic instrumental music playing in the background, we join Stewie and Frank Jr in their well-armed craft driving towards Peter's testicals destroy his sperm.

"Computer on." Stewie said to his ship.

"30 minutes to re-expansion." The Computer responded.

"Just enough time to obliterate all those little potential usurpers." Stewie said with glee.

"Engine status?" Frank Jr reply the ship status

"Nominal." The Computer responded

"Fuel supply?" Stewie reply on fuel.

"Full." The Computer responded

"Air Supply?" Frank Jr reply on the ship's air supply.

The Computer responded to plays "Lost in love!" by Air Supply

 _Lost in love and I don't know much…_

"Very well. Through the lips, over the gums. Look out testicles, here I come!" Stewie said as he takes control to drive toward Peter's testicles.

As we join Peter Griffin in the stairs with Lois as he performed a song called "Lois" It was an attempt to tempt her as they were planning to conceive a fourth child.

 **Peter**

 _Lois!_

 _You can't spell love without L-O_

 _You can't spell is without I-S_

 _You can't spell... silo without Lois_

"And solo from the pet rock!" Frank said as he points out the Pet rock just pee on the carpet.

"Oh no no no, oh, oh god, oh god." Peter said as he drag the Pet rock outside.

As we join our heroes' spaceship-like vessel moving pass Peter's heart.

"Warning. Host's oxygen levels rising. Heart rate increasing." Computer said as it warns them about Peter's oxygen levels rising and Heart rate increasing.

"Oh, my God! Either they're watching Batman or they're "doing the Dew"!" Stewie said as he and Frank Jr begin to freaky out.

As the Theme from Batman on TV, Peter watches the 1960s Batman television series while Lois is preparing for sex.

"Definitely watching Batman!" Frank Jr said.

"If I'm to reach the testicles and destroy the sperm before coitus, I must buy some time... Computer, location?" Stewie asked the computer on the ships location in peter's body.

"Fifteen millimeters northeast of the duodenum." Computer said it location in peter's body.

"Very well. Fire phasers, Number one!" Stewie said in a star trek tone.

"Firing phasers" Frank Jr said as he fired the phasers at Peter's duodenum.

Meanwhile inside the bedroom, Peter begins to spasm.

"Oh, jeez, my duodenum's acting up!" Peter said as he rushes in to the bathroom while Lois was inside.

"Entering testicular perimeter." Computer said as we join our heroes reaching Peter's testicles that with two of Peter's testicles representing the Death Stars. They also had a ship lading bay as the sperm were they ships.

"Do you know what today is? A bad day to be a sperm." Stewie said As the Lasers firing, In their well-armed craft, Stewie and Frank Jr easily slaughters the defenseless sperm. While their air battle with Peter's sperm parodies that of the Millennium Falcon and the ships of the Galactic Empire in Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi with two of Peter's testicles representing the Death Star.

What the deuce? Frank Jr said as they missed the one exception: Bertram, who seems to be just as diabolically clever as Stewie himself.

As they squint each other to kill each, they ran out of ammunition.

"Well, it seems you are out of ammunition." Stewie said

"As are you two, Stewart and Frank Junior!" Bertram said reveal their names.

"You know our name!" Frank Jr said in shocked

"I know many things." Bertram said

"Indeed?" Stewie said.

"Quite." Bertram said.

"Yes." Frank Jr said.

"Mmm." Bertram said.

"Well, perhaps we should exchange monosyllabic expressions of arrogance in person." Stewie said as he invited his foe in person on their ship.

"Mmmm." Bertram said.

"Mmmm." Stewie and Frank Jr said.

"Yes." Bertram said.

As they Monosyllabic grunting, we join in the parents' bedroom.

"Peter, I'm waiting." Lois said as she poses for sex.

"I'm coming." Peter said while he pushes a button on the boom box as mambo instrumental music was playing; he moves toward while doing salsa move then lifting his tummy to revel a message that said "I Loved you!"

Now we join Stewie and Frank Jr in the ship as they were going face to face with Bertram.

"You came unarmed?" Frank Jr asked about their agreement.

"As we agreed." Bertram said.

"Admirable. But foolish!" Stewie said while he revels that he held a laser gun, so do Bertram as they shoot their guns out of their hands. As one of the guns hit Frank Jr in the head, he was knock out for the rest of the battle.

"It's going to be a shame to destroy such a worthy adversary." Stewie said.

"My thoughts exactly." Bertram said as they resorted to fighting with their fist. Until they had each other in the sleeper hold.

"I've got you in the sleeper hold!" Stewie said.

"As I you." Bertram said as they tried to get each other out of their own sleeper hold.

"Your attempts to escape are…" Stewie said as he yawns himself to sleep.

"Yawn futile." Bertram said as he too went to sleep.

As they start to wake up, Frank Jr was making coffee until he calls Maddie and Rosie to hold Bertram as he smashes the coffee cup and move it towards Bertram neck to hold him hostage.

"Well, well. Naptime appears to be over." Stewie said as they won their battle.

"Go ahead! Finish me off! My one regret is that I won't be able to do away with that red-headed woman." Bertram said something that makes Stewie stop Frank Jr.

"What the... How the devil do you know about Lois?" Stewie asked him about Lois.

"You've seen that little gleam in the fat man's eye? That twinkle? That's me plotting my escape." Bertram said as he explain he was watch them threw Peter's eye.

"You hate Lois? I hate Lois, too. What else do you hate?" Stewie asked him.

"People who send pictures of their families as Christmas cards!" Bertram said something.

"Ooh, ooh, people who use the word "guesstimate." Stewie said something that they agreed on.

"Guys who wear sandals with socks!" Bertram said something that the hole group agreed on.

"Jason Patric! Ooo!" they said as they wave their hand in disgust.

"You know, perhaps I've been looking at this the wrong way. I daresay I should embrace the idea of having a little brother or little nieces. After all, it's obvious we all make quite a formidable team." Stewie said as he sets a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Stewie and Frank Jr pushing Lois as Maddie and Rosie kneel behind her. The babies laugh afterwards.

Lois walks down the sidewalk as she gets run over by a vehicle driven by Stewie and Frank Jr with the girls sitting next to him

Later, they are seen putting cement on the ground as Maddie pours liquid nitrogen all over Lois as she is covered with the cement. Then Stewie mashes her hand with a mallet. They laugh at this.

Then they use fishing rods on Maddie and Rosie's skirts at the end.

 **Cutaway Ends**

As the Computer beeping "Two minutes to re-expansion."

"Dear God! I'll never get out in time!" Stewie said as he begins to freaky out because he has only moments before the ship reverts to its normal size.

"Move aside! I know a shortcut!" Bertram said as he drives them somewhere.

As we join Peter and Lois in the bedroom, while Lois Moaning as peter feeds her a strawberry.

Now we see Peter Moaning as Lois is feed him a cherry.

Now we see Lois Choking as Peter shoved a watermelon into her mouth.

Now we join our heroes at Peter's tear duck.

"Re-expansion in 60 seconds." The Computer said.

"There's the tear duct. We've got to make him cry." Bertram explain the heroes way out.

"I think I know just the way. All right. Follow my lead." Frank Jr said as he set up some microphone for them to sing.

As they sing Joe Cocker's "Love Lift Us Up Where We Belong"

 **Stewie and Frank Jr**

 _Love lift us up where we belong_

 _where the eagles fly, on a mountain high_

 **Stewie, Frank Jr, Maddie, Rosie and Bertram**

 _Love lift us up where we belong_

As Peter begins to cry while hear the song as he hugs Lois tight.

"Peter, I love you." Lois said her love to her husband.

"And I love you, Lou Gossett, Jr." Peter said his love to a random person.

"It worked! Hurry, get down there so you can be born!" Stewie said to Bertram about going back to Peter's ball so he can be born through sex.

"Ten seconds to re-expansion." Computer said.

"I guess this is good-bye." Bertram said.

"For now. Oh, when you're born, don't let the doctor slap you on the ass. It degrades us all." Stewie said as he gives Bertram some advice about not getting slap in the ass.

"Also if you see Cindy Redmond Griffin giving birth to Britney Griffin, let the doctor slap heron the ass. I want her to pay for degrades us all Talking babies." Frank said his advice.

As Bertram get inside his ship while driving away, Stewie says farewell to Bertram using 'shave and a haircut'.

After a narrow escape through Peter's tear duct, Frank Jr and Stewie steers the craft back to their room with no time to spare.

"Give it to her good, old man!" Stewie said as he arrives near the door to notice that everything is going on schedule.

"Peter, wait. I've been thinking. It's been a long time since we had such a wonderful night. And it's gonna be impossible to spend time together like this if we're raising another child." Lois said as she starting feel that having another child would mean less sex.

"Well, I thought, you know, Frank and meg would kind of do a lot of the work." Peter said as he was going to put Frank and Meg to work on raising their Fourth kid.

"I don't know. I mean, Stewie alone needs so much attention. Maybe we should hold off on having another baby." Lois said as she reconsiders having another child, to Stewie's horror.

"You may be right." Peter said as Stewie rush in by that news.

"No! No, no! You must receive his seed!" Stewie said as he frantically tries to get her and Peter to resume their plans

"Look who's here." Lois said as she pick up Stewie.

"But, Lois, we still get to do it, right?" Peter said as he still wants to get down.

"Honey, not in front of Stewie." Lois said.

"Okay. Back in a minute." Peter said as he retreats to the bathroom and masturbates with the assistance of a lingerie catalog.

"No! Come back here this instant, you fat bastard and do her!" Stewie shouted at peter to finish his sex with Lois.

"Stop it. Stop tickling me. I'll kill you. I swear to God. What did you just do?" Stewie said as he notice that Peter masturbates with the assistance of a lingerie catalog. as Peter: Sighing in relief

No! You killed my brother! How could you, you Stewie said he appalled at the apparent death of Bertram, despairs

"...oh, my God! The twinkle. He's alive. Well played, sperm brother. Stewie said as he notices a twinkle in Peter's eye signifying that Bertram is still alive.

He's more clever than I thought. Perhaps too clever." Stewie said as to His relief is only momentary, he then realizes that his unborn brother may be too clever. Frank Jr came into Peter and Lois's room with a pillow.

"What are you doing here?" Lois asked Frank Jr on why he is doing in his room.

"Uh, Mom and Dad are, uh, getting intimate." Frank Jr explain to Lois that his parents that they are getting it on.

"My God! I forgot to tell them, that we are stopping on making babies! I've got to stop them!" Lois said as she ran towards Frank and Meg's's room. While Frank Jr just shrugged as he plays super smash bros on the Nintendo 64 with Peter, Stewie, Maddie and Rosie.

As Chilling instrumental music play as the chapter fades out.

As we join Frank and Meg with them making love lined himself up her entrance and entered her. Even if it was the fourth time she still felt extreme and overwhelming pleasure, Frank started thrusting and both have done their forbidden embrace of one another, wrapping their arms around each other, holding each other tightly as they performed the glorious missionary position, it was a romance that many would consider immoral, but to them it was real, this was their "TRUE LOVE". He continued to thrust into her with great speed, her head beside his head, she kept saying into his ear "I love you!" over and over. He replied "I love you too!" more and more humped like animals on the Discovery Channel, meant for breeding and reproduction. And so it also came again, the moment that they would both climax. Frank shouted "I'm coming, here comes our baby!" Meg shouted "I'm coming, give me my baby!" and with one final thrust, he exploded into her, her womb once again succumbed to the velocity of his seed. After he emptied himself he fell face forward and collapsed onto Meg as they continued to cuddle with each other. After they regained their composer, she again started to rub his cock then asked seductively "Shall we go another round?" Anthony joyful said "Yes ma'am!" They then started to cuddle and kiss each other again.

While closing theme music begins play the ending credits

 **Chapter ends**

 **I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thanking for pen123 and Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas. Also Doc X me if you want to help with scenes for next chapter because I need the ideas.**


	13. Chapter 40: To Love and Die in Dixie

**Chapter 40: To Love and Die in Dixie**

 **Opening Credits**

 _It seems today that all ya see_

 _Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

 _But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

 _On which we used to rely_

 _Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

 _Lucky there's a man who_

 _Positively can do_

 _All the things that make us_

 _Laugh n' Cry_

 _He's_

 _a_

 _Fam_

 _-ily_

 _Guy!_

 **End**

This chapter begins at Buddy Cianci Junior High school with Chris being invited to his fellow classmate Barbara with long hair in pigtails at her birthday party

"Hi, Chris." Barbara said hi to Chris and Tyler

He, he, he, he, Hi, Barbara. Chris said Hyperventilating.

"I'm having a birthday party next week. I was hoping you, John and Tyler could come." Barbara said as she invited the trio to her party.

"Oh, no! Someone peed in my pants!" Chris said as he poops his pants while John and Tyler move away as they appear in this school to help Chris.

"You're funny. Well, I hope you can make it." Barbara said as she walks away.

While Crickets chirping at the Mallque/Griffin household, we join the family eating dinner.

"Your friend's birthday party sounds like fun, Chris." Lois said as she proud of Chris.

"Yeah, but, I hope for your sake, the cake's better than the last party I went to." Peter said as he sets up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Peter and friends having a birthday party. He cuts the cake with a knife, but a stripper pops up as she screams in pain as the knife was in her head and bleeds to death. Peter tastes the cake.

"Oh God! Coconut!" Peter said.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"I want to get Barbara a really nice gift. What kind of gifts have John gotten for you, Persephone?" Chris asked her sister about the gifts she gets from John.

"Oh, well...my boyfriend, John Watt, got me this beautiful watch and this diamond tiara, and this wonderful scepter." Persephone said as Manic laughter and then Sobbing.

"She needs to get laid big-time, John!" Stewie said to John who ran after her and ask Tyler to buy lots apologies gifts.

"Listen, Chris, I read a book saying that women are from Venus, all right?" Peter said as he points at Frank Jr who had a list of thing to get for a girl.

"So, here's what you get her. Thick layers of sulfuric acid, viscous surface rock and coronae which seem to be collapsed domes over large magma chambers. Here's $5." Frank Jr said as he gives Chris's Five dollars.

"Well, that's okay, Little buddy. I was thinking about getting a paper route, so I could pay for Barbara's gift myself." Chris said as he dismisses Frank Jr's five dollars for a job which impress both Meg and Lois.

"Oh, well, I think that's very sweet, Little brother." Meg said as she beams with pride for her little brother.

"Oh, boy! I remember Pop's first job. he was in a folk-music trio." Frank said as he sets up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Peter in a band at a music hall.

"Hey, how about "Here's to you, Mrs. Fleckenstein"?" Peter suggested.

"You've been pitching that for an hour, but it's just not a very attractive name" Paul Simon disagreed.

"Fine, fine. I suppose we're also not going with "Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Lowrey's Seasoning Salt." That's it. I'm going to 'Nam" Peter added.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Now we join Chris and Frank Jr, who becomes a paper boy. While doing his route he meets Herbert, an elderly man on Chris' paper route tries to become friends with him, while making many sexual innuendos.

"Well, hey there, young fellas. Bringing me good news today?" Herbert asked Chris to come over.

"What?" Chris question the old man.

"Come on over here, sons. Hand me the paper, so I don't need to use my grabber. That's a nice muscly throwing arm you got there." Herbert said as he comments Chris strong arm.

"Thanks." Chris said as he thanks him as Frank Jr look at the old man weirdly.

"Got a nice tip for you two right here in my pocket. But my arthritis... Why don't you reach in there and fish it out for yourself?" Herbert said as he asked Chris to get his tip which inside his pant's pocket.

"Oh, that's okay, mister. We don't collect until the end of the month. I'll see you tomorrow. Weird." Frank Jr said as he and Chris drive his bike away quickly form that weird old guy.

As Pop music playing at Barbara's party, we join Chris meeting Barbara to give his gift.

"I hope you like it." Chris said as he passes his gift to her.

"Wow, perfume! That is so sweet." Barbara said as her gift was perfume.

"It'll make you smell like Elizabeth Taylor. I guess that means you'll smell like bourbon and Vicodin." Chris said as he explains his gift being made from Elizabeth Taylor.

"That's very thoughtful." Barbara said.

"Can I spray some on you?" Chris said as he sprays the perfume in Barbara's eyes.

"Oh, my eyes!" Barbara shouted about her eyes being sprayed.

"You're beautiful!" Chris comments about her beauty.

"Just get away from me, Chris!" Barbara shouted at Chris as she run towards the bathroom to clean her eyes.

"I'm so awkward!" Chris said sobbing as it concludes that he is clumsy around girls.

Now we join Chris and Frank Jr making his paper route, as he come to Herbert house.

"Hey, muscly arms, why the long faces?" Herbert asked Frank Jr and Chris, why they are both sad.

"It's this girl. I can't talk to her. It's like girls are a different species or something." Chris question on girls and why are they so different.

"Who needs them? You like Popsicles?" Herbert asked Chris about popsicles.

"Well, sure." Chris answer him.

"Then you need to come on down to the cellar. I got a whole freezer full of Popsicles. Mmmm..." Herbert said as he invented Chris inside his house for a whole freezer full of Popsicles like the pervert.

"No, thanks. we gotta get going." Chris said as he and Frank Jr begins to get on his bike.

"Don't make me beg, now." Herbert said as he begs on Chris and Frank Jr stay around.

"You're funny. Bye." Chris said laughing as he and Frank Jrbrushes that last comment as he drives away.

"Get your monkey and fat ass back here." Herbert said as he watches Frank Jr and Chris biking away.

Now we join Chris and Frank Jr going to quahog mini-mart as they witness to a robbery at a convenience store by the Mass Media Murderer.

"This is a holdup! Open the register!" Robber shouted at the clerk.

"I can't! It only opens when you make a sale!" Clerk said as the register only opens when you make a sale.

"Then give me one of them horoscope scrolls and some Skittles!" "Financial transaction benefits you today." "Ooh!" Robber said as he opens horoscope scrolls.

"Weird!" Clerk said as he made the sale as the register opens, the Mass Media Murderer grabs the money to leave until he hears Sirens wailing.

Now Suspenseful instrumental music plays in the background as the cops arrive the Mass Media Murderer spots a bike.

"All right, a bike! I'm out of here!" Robber said as he takes the bike and runs away.

Meanwhile at the quahog police station, Chris and Frank Jr brought in to finger the criminal.

"Now, kids, your parents are on their way. But since time is a factor here, we'd like to get a positive ID as quickly as possible." Cop asked Chris as they arrive the police line up over a two-way mirror.

"Are you sure he can't see us?" Frank Jr question the cop about their safety.

"Absolutely, Kids. You're 100 percent safe." Cop answer it okay its safe for them.

"Okay, that's him. Number six." Chris said as he points at the Mass Media Murderer who was Number six at the lineup. Until peter came in and ruins it for him.

"Hi. Excuse me, you guys. I'm here to pick up my son, Chris Griffin. He's here to finger the guy who held up that convenience store. Maybe you've seen him. His name is Chris Griffin. I think I got a picture of him, somewhere. Here you go. Yeah, you can go ahead and hang on to that. I got a ton of them at home. In fact, I was gonna throw that one out anyway, 'cause Chris messed it up by writing his school schedule and a list of his fears all over the back of it." Peter said as he looking for his son, and mistakenly shows a picture of Chris to the criminals in the lineup.

While Frank Jr face palm himself for a later problem.

As we join the family at the house having breakfast.

"Oh! We're so proud of you, Chris, for helping to put that horrible man in jail." Lois said as she congratulates her son for put a bad man in jail.

"Jeez, you couldn't have said it was Celine Dion, huh? Our one chance to put that showboating Canadian wench behind bars and you blow it." Peter said as he was slap over the head by Frank, Frank Jr and the boy for that comment.

"We now return to the E! True Hollywood Story. Alf." Announcer said as An interview with ALF is on TV.

'By the third season, I was completely wasted all the time. I had lost all control of my bodily functions. They had to cut the crap out of my fur before each taping. But would I do it all again?" Alf said as he explains about his problems in the show. As it was interrupted by a new program on tv.

"The show that no one wants to see, but everyone will watch, _it's Frank Jr With Vital Information For Your Everyday Life!_ "

Frank Jr dressed as a wannabe gangsta.

"How's it hanging dawgs? I'm Frank Jr and I'm gonna lay down some phat info to save yo' sorry asses."

"My parents wish I was never born!" the off screen voice yells. "And so do I! Now get over here and jimmy this jelly!" "I have absolutely no idea what that even means and I still don't wanna!"

"If you're afraid of heights, you shouldn't climb up to high places. If you're afraid of bathtubs, you probably smell like something died, you smelly moron!"

"If you're at a fast food place, and you cut in line, then you're a line cutter! And if you're a line cutter, then you're grandma will come to your house while you're in the shower, and pelt you with diseased cats!"

"If you're walking home from school one day, and you notice something old and smelly is going through your backpack looking for money, chances are it might not be a dog."

"The other day I was walking and hit my head, but I don't think I got any damage brained."

"If you like playing with rabid animals, drinking bleach, and wandering into traffic, guess what? Your mom is Brittney Spears!"

"Mae West said "why don'tcha come up and see me some time." Well I did, and guess what? She was dead! Story of my life."

"Oh macarena macarena macarena. Oh macarena macarena macarena. Oh macarena macarena macarena. Oh how I hate whoever wrote this song!"

"If a girl asks you out, the first thing you should NOT say is 'I made poopy!'"

"My mom said 'Frank Jr stop chewing on the carpet.' And I said 'go kiss a gorilla CORNCHEESE!' I have no idea what that meant either."

"On your first date, you shouldn't say stuff like "I have a violet kangaroo who lives in my head. Now lets make tongue whoopy HoneyStuffin!"

"There once was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children she didn't know what to do. That must've been one BIG ASS shoe."

"All is fair in love and war. Sadly that doesn't work as a homicide defense."

"No cop in the universe will believe the excuse 'but officer the bullets just fell into him!'"

"Never kick a man when he's down. Wait for him to get up, then go crazy on his ass!"

"I know what boys like, and I know what guys want. They want you to shut up. BURN!"

"When thinking over a situation, it's best not to think at all. Leave the thinking to the people with brains, you sacka dumb monkeys!"

"It was the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring... except for this fat guy trying to get in through the chimney."

"There comes a time in everyone's life when they must learn about the birds and the bees." Frank Jr takes out a bird and a bee in a jar. "This is a bird and this is a bee." Frank Jr lets the bee out of the jar and the bird eats it. "And that's how babies are made!"

"Well, if you'll excuse me, I gotta go see a man about this thing on my butt. Peace!"

"This has been Frank Jr with Vital Information for your Every Day Life."

"Nobody isn't going to question as to how Frank Jr has a TV show program?" Peter questions the Family as he receives a pie in the face.

"right!" Tyler said as he takes out a fake cigar as he does his Groucho markers as channel 5 begins.

"We interrupt this program for a breaking news story. We now go live to the Rhode Island State Penitentiary, where Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa is standing by, Tricia?" Tom Tucker said as we tune in to Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa at the Rhode Island State Penitentiary.

"Tom, I'm outside this maximum-security facility where a ruthless thug has engineered a daring escape. Sir, do you have any plans now that you're out of jail?" Tricia Takanawa said as she interviewed the bank robber who just escaped prison about his plans.

"Yeah. I'm gonna go bang my girlfriend, and then I'm gonna kill Chris Griffin!" Robber replies as he runs away.

As turn to the family in shocked except Frank Jr and Stewie.

"Good lord! Can they really say "bang my girlfriend" on TV?" Stewie remark 'bang my girlfriend' on TV?", is a not so subtle commentary aimed at what the censors could and could not allow on network television in terms of language and content.

"I guess he can!' Frank Jr said as he hugs Chris.

At the house the F.B.I arrives to help the family as they were in the family room.

"You want to remove us from the area?" Lois asked the agents about them moving out of town.

"Yes, ma'am. This criminal will stop at nothing to find your son, so we're placing your family in the witness protection program." FBI Agent 1 said as they place them in witness protection program

"Oh, Is Europe an option? I say, I've always wanted to spend a year in Prague teaching English. You know, slacking off a bit, but really getting to know myself." Stewie questions if Europe is the place they are hiding.

"is japan an option? Since I have family in japan that could help us." Frank asked them about japan being their hiding place.

"Well, until we catch this guy, you'll be relocated to the deep South." FBI Agent 1 said as The FBI decides to relocate the Griffin family to Bumblescum in the deep South.

The family All moaning in that news.

"Deep South? Isn't that where the black guys are really lazy and all the white guys are just as lazy but are mad at the black guys for being so lazy?" Peter said something racist as Frank slaps in the head.

"Goddamit Pops, keep it PG!" Frank said as he is trying to fix this show.

"Jenkins and I have been assigned to live here and watch your house while you're gone. Even though he's a slovenly liberal, and I'm a fastidious conservative." FBI Agent 1 said a reference about their behavior.

"I smell a sitcom!" FBI Agent 2 said as both FBI agents are a reference to The Odd Couple.

"I suggest you start packing immediately." FBI Agent said.

As we join Frank Jr saying goodbye to his new friend.

"I can't believe you had to move away..." Maddie said as she starts crying over her new friend leave them.

"And we only known each other for 2 weeks." Rosie said as she starts crying as well.

"I wasn't expecting it to turn out like this, ever since we got a killer after me and Chris." Frank Jr said as he explains to them what happen to his family.

"I hope you wouldn't forget us, new friend... Even though we weren't fully developed on remembering yet." Rosie said.

"We would miss you? Though I don't know how we would remember you." Maddie said as she questions as to how they will remember their friend as they are babies.

"I would." Stewie said as He flashback on himself takes picture of the girl's diapered butts from a low angle.

"Dammit Stewie! Why do you have to embrace me in front of the girls!" Frank Jr said.

"Oh, so you think this is embracing, well then check this out!" Stewie said as he flashbacks himself drags down Frank Jr's pants like he did last time with Eliza Pinchley, except this time, Stewie take a pictures of his nephew's fully exposed diaper.

"And here's how you girls will remember him." Stewie said as he then hands the printed pictures to a duo of confused girls.

"DOUBLE DAMMIT! I can't this has bound to happen to me again..." Frank Jr said as he did he defeat dance in anger.

"What do you mean?" Maddie asked Frank Jr.

"It's a long story." Frank Jr said as he answers Maddie question.

Rosie just stares at Jr's diaper the whole time during the conversation after Stewie handed the pictures.

"What...?" Frank Jr question Rosie on what she is looking at.

"Are those the same kind of prints I have on mine?" Rosie said as they have the same brand of diaper. As Frank Jr face palms himself on this revelation.

As Instrumental Dixie music playing in the background, we join they family in the station wagon driving their way towards Bumblescum in the deep South.

"I can't believe we have to change schools because of you! And Junior has to make new friends in the south! This is all your fault, Lardo!' Meg shouted at chris.

"Me? I had nothing to do with it." Peter question at meg for yell at him for the problem they are in.

"No. I meant Chris!" Meg said as she is accusing Chris not Peter.

"Oh." Peter said in this revelation.

"Yeah, Lardo!" Tyler said in the way back as they don't have any seat in the truck.

"Look, everybody. Here we are. The town of Bumblescum." Lois said as she points at the sign that said "welcome to bumblescum, population 48!" with an old man going toward the sign change the number of people to 48 to 54.

As Instrumental Dixie music playing in the background as the family reach their new home that looks like a piece of crap.

"This is our house?" Persephone questions their new home.

"Oh, come on, Meg! I bet if we fixed it up a little bit, it could be a piece of crap. That also means for two as well, John and Tyler!" Lois said as she cheers up Her daughter and threaten her adopted boy on not to leaving the family like season one.

As Flies buzzing inside the house, the family enters their new home and explored its surroundings

"Oh, what's that smell?" Lois said as she questions on the smell in the house.

"It's either bad meat or good cheese." Brian answer Lois question as peter fell through the floorboards with Frank Jr riding piggyback.

"There's a penny underneath that couch." Frank Jr said as he points out a penny underneath their couch.

As The Griffin Twins, Chris, John, Tyler and Stewie walk towards the closet as Meg opens the closet door to find somebody inside.

"Somebody's in the closet!" Meg said as Jeff Foxworthy appears in the closet of the Griffins' new home.

"You know you're a redneck when your gun rack has a gun rack on it!" Jeff Foxworthy saying his usually rant.

"You suck!" Stewie shouted as he closes the closet leaving Jeff Foxworthy inside.

As Lois checks the stove as it full of smoke.

"Oh, my! Well, it's too hot to cook anyway. Peter, Frank Jr, what's the upstairs like?" Lois asked Frank Jr and Peter about upstairs as Peter fell through the upstairs floorboards with Frank Jr riding piggyback to the kitchen floorboards

"There's a crunchberry underneath the fridge." Frank Jr said as he points out a crunchberry underneath the fridge. As the twins rushing all gross-out to talk to their mother on what happen.

"Mom, Chris, John and Tyler found a jar in the basement! And it has a hand in it! Meg and Persephone shouted as Tyler come in with said jar while Chris and John jump with joy on their discovery.

"I'm gonna plant it and see if a human grows!" Tyler said as he rushes outside to plant said hand.

Now we join Frank, Frank Jr and Peter checking on their television set.

"Well, at least the TV gets decent reception." Peter said as the TV show a raccoon eating a nut.

"Must be some kind of nature show.' John said as he appears near the screen until he gets attacked by the raccoon.

"Help! Help! Get it off! Get if off!" John said as he fights back to get the raccoon off his face.

Now we join John at the couch get his wounds disinfected by his girlfriend Persephone.

"Great. We're here five minutes, and John gets mauled by a rodent." Meg said as she complains about their situation and incorrectly calls the raccoon which is constantly attacking John a rodent. Raccoons are not rodents.

"um, that was a raccoon, mom! Not rodents!" Frank Jr corrected his mother on the information.

"This place is horrible." Brian said as he complains about the situation as well.

"Okay. Now, everybody calms down. We don't know anything about this community. I bet if we explore the town, we'll each find something about it we like." Lois said as she explains each member of the family that they need to finds their own challenges fitting in with Southern society.

"You know, that's a great idea, Mrs. Griffin. I just got to hit the can." John said as he rised from the couch to look for a bathroom.

"I think there's just an outhouse, John." Lois said.

"Hey, Mrs. Griffin, I don't get how this works. It's just a hole. I don't think it goes anywhere. No, it definitely doesn't go anywhere." John said as he and peter look inside the outhouse. Until it was tip over by a bird.

"Oh! Oh, God! Oh, it's everywhere! It's in my raccoon wounds! Oh, God!" John and Peter shouted as they were covered by feces.

Now we join Lois and meg carried their kids as they looking around town.

"Excuse me. Do you have an ATM?" Lois question a Redneck about an ATM.

"Over there, ma'am." Redneck said as he points out the ATM.

"How much you want to take out?" Redneck Banker asked Lois and Meg how much money she need.

"$40." Lois answer the Redneck Banker as she passes their credit cards.

"There's a service charge of $1.50. Do y'all accept?" Redneck Banker asked them about accept of a service charge of $1.50.

"Yes." Meg answer him.

"Mmm. You two smell like the inside of my mama's purse." Redneck Banker comment on Lois smelling pretty nice as he gives them money from his pants.

"Thank you." Meg said as she looks disgusted by the money.

We join the babies siting on a bench as Musician was Playing banjo music.

"What are those dulcet tones? Why, this is the music of the angels!" Stewie: said as they listen to the banjo music as they walk toward the musician.

"What is that magical device?" Frank Jr asked the Musician about his instrument.

"Banjo." Musician answer Frank Jr question as he Plays the rest of the banjo music until he asked Stewie finish the song.

"Pluck that string." Musician asked Stewie to Pluck that string and he does finishing the song

"Oh! I feel so deliciously white trash! Mommy, I want a mullet!" Stewie shouted at Lois to give him a mullet.

Soon after arriving in Bumblescum, Peter paints the family car to resemble the General Lee from Dukes of Hazzard.

"All right, that about does it. Isn't she beautiful, Frank and Brian?" Peter said about the car.

"The Duke boys would be proud, Peter." Brian said.

"Yeah, and you got to get in through the window, like this." Frank said as he and Peter hop into the car through the windows.

"Okay. Now you." Peter said as Brian tries to hop into the car through the window but he gets unconscious.

"Oh, sorry. I forgot to roll yours down. You all right? Hello? Wake up, sleepyhead." Peter said as he rolls down the window as He asked brain that if he is okay.

Now we join a boy who just skipping rocks as Chris and Frank Jr came in to introduce themselves

"Hi." Chris and Frank Jr said.

"Hi." Sam replied.

"Are you mad at that pond?" Frank Jr asked him if he is mad at that pond.

"Shoot, no! 'Course, this pond did kill my grandpappy. He saw his reflection in the water, thought it was him and drowned trying to save himself." Sam said a story about her grandfather that He saw his reflection in the water, thought it was him and drowned trying to save himself.

"That's why my mom doesn't let me look in the toilet." Chris answer the boy with a similar problem.

"I'm Sam." Sam said as he shakes Chris hand.

"I'm Chris and this is my nephew, Frank Jr." Chris said as he and Frank Jr introduce themselves.

"Sam, come on in, now." Sam's Father calls back home.

"Well, I gotta go help my daddy bring in the mud harvest. Nice making your acquaintance, Chris and Frank Jr." Sam said as he walks away while Frank Jr looks at their reflection.

"Oh, my God! We're drowning!" Chris shouted as they jump in the pond trying to save themselves.

As we join Peter, Frank and Brain driving toward the country side while listening to the south radio station.

And that was Merle Haggard with "I Kissed My Sweetie With My Fist." Coming up next... Radio said as Peter spot something down the road.

"All right. Here's one. Let's jump that." Peter said as he points at a truck full of hay bale. As they drive at full speed launch the car over a hay bale

"Yeee-haaw!" Frank, Brain and Peter Yelling triumphantly as they land safety on the ground.

"Oh, that was great! Hey, next time let's get Tyler or John to be Boss Hogg and Persephone can be Anus." Frank said to Brian After he and Brian race around, impersonating main characters Bo and Luke Duke, Peter suggests getting Chris and Meg to play the show's villains Boss Hogg and Enos Strate.

"Enos." Brian said correcting him with the character's name.

"What'd he says?" Peter asked Brain on what Frank said.

"Anus." Brian answer Peter's question as Frank and Peter both laugh at that mistake.

As we join Persephone and Meg going to bumblescum school.

"All right, class. We have a new students joining us. Everyone please welcome Megan Griffin and Persephone Griffin from the North." Teacher said as she introduces the griffin twins to her class.

"Wow!" All students awe at the twins.

"What's it like up there? Y'all got them talking pictures?" Student 1 asked them about their life in the north.

"And flying machines?" Student 2 asked them about airplanes.

And perfume for your armpits? Student 3 asked them about body spray deodorant.

"We sure do." Meg answer them as they beam at being popular for once in their lives.

"All right, class. That's enough questions for Megan. Time to hand back last week's spelling tests. And it looks like Oinky has set the curve again." Teacher said as she passes all their papers back while their class smartest student is still number one was Frank Jr disguises as a pig.

"Oh, dang!" Student 1 said.

"That is some smart pig." Student 2 said.

"Good thing I copied off Oinky." Student 3 said as Oinky aka Frank Jr just oink with victory.

As we join the family in their south home away form home, Lois says that she made dinner with Shake 'N' Bake.

"Ta da! Possum Surprise. Actually, I made it with Shake 'N Bake." Lois said about dinner.

"And I helped!" Stewie said a line directly from Shake 'n' Bake commercials.

Kids, where's your father and Frank? Lois asked the kids about

"Heee-haaaw!" Peter, Frank and Brian yelling triumphantly as they repeated launch the car over a hay bale into the house.

"Guys, what the hell are you doing?" Lois question the boy on why are they crash cars into their house.

"I'm blending in. Relax, Mom. It's not our house." Frank said with a cool tone

"I'm glad you're having fun, but we need some money. Have you two thought about looking for a job?" Lois asked them about getting jobs in town.

"Yes, Mom, I have. But I've also thought about getting fired from that job. Is that something you really want to put our family through?" Frank asked them since he trying to not get a job in the south since he become a hillbilly by results.

"Think about that while I get myself a drink. Oh, God!" Peter said as he was attack by the same raccoon that attack John then he jumps john after he was done with peter.

"Oh, God! why Help! Help! Get it off! Get if off!" john said as he fights off the raccoon again.

As we join Frank Jr, Chris and Sam arriving at a dead body.

"It's right up here past this clearing. He's been here about three months now." Sam said as he points at the dead body.

"Wow! Where do you think you go when you die?" Frank Jr asks where do you go when you die.

"I learnt at church that if you're good, you go to Heaven. But if you're bad, you go to a place where the dead believe they're still living and they pray for death, but death won't come." Sam said as he explains about hell.

"UPN?" Chris said as he thinks Hell is UPN, a now-defunct television station that normally aired programming aimed towards African-Americans.

"You're funny Chris. I like you guys." Sam said while laughing at Chris response.

"we like you too, Sam." Chris said with Frank Jr nodding in agreement.

"Want to poke him?" Sam aksed Chris about poking the dead body.

"Do we!" Frank Jr said as he picks up a stick and pokes the dead body.

"You know, it's true. The best things in life really are free." Chris said as he, Frank Jr and Sam poked that dead body all day.

As we join Peter, Frank and Brian walk down Bumblescum.

"I don't know, Guys. Maybe Lois is right. Maybe it is time for we to get a job." Peter said.

"Yeah, too bad you always blow it in the interview." Brian said as he sets a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Peter in a job interview.

"So, Peter, where do you see yourself in five years?"

"(Thinking) Don't say, "Doing your wife." Don't say, "Doing your wife." Don't say, "Doing your wife." (Aloud) Doing your...son?" Peter answered as the employer looked at him in disgust.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"Hey, Brian, look at that!" Peter said as he poin out a wanted sign for town sheriff.

"Interested? We just take turns being the sheriff. It's real easy. You just hang out here, eat some pie, and get drunk." Sheriff said as he explains to them that being the sheriff was the easiest job ever

"Wait. Hold on a second. "Pie," "drunk," "the"? You got yourself a sheriff!" Frank said as he accepts the job as sheriff of bumbscum.

Meanwhile we join them as sheriff being drunk of their freaky mind.

"Boy, it's so quiet around here!" Peter said Slurring.

"I know." Frank said.

"The phone hasn't rang all day." Peter said about not getting phone calls.

"I-I know. There's nothing to...[Stuttering] [as he Sighing] Oh, boy! What's the word I'm looking for? "Do"!" Brian answer.

"Oh, Brian, you're drunk. You're drunk. Give me your keys." Frank said as he asked brian to give him his keys but falls over on the floor.

We join the family watching a humorous Southern version of a Civil War re-enactment, which plays off of real history, as Robert E. Lee was a teetotaler, while Ulysses S. Grant was forced to resign from the military in 1854 because of a drinking problem and did not return until 1861.

"What is this, Dad?" Frank Jr asked his father about the play.

"A Southern tradition, son. It's a reenactment of the Civil War." Frank said as they started the play with Southern version of a Civil War re-enactment.

"Robert E. Lee, I knew I'd find you here where they seat the sorry-ass losers!" Redneck said it drunk.

Ulysses S. Grant, you invite me to lunch then show up an hour late, drunk? Sam's Father said.

"I was busy looking for your wife to give her the old..." Redneck said as he describes how he give Ulysses S. Grant's wife nasty sex.

"Sir, this means war!" Sam's Father said as he punches the redneck down.

"I am vanquished." Redneck said on the floor about his defeat.

"I hereby declare victory in the name of the Confederacy!" Sam's Father:

As Crowd cheering while Frank and Peter look piss off by this remake.

"Uh, excuse me. I don't think that's how it happened. I'm pretty sure the North won." Peter said as he corrects them about the true history.

"What are you saying, fella?" Sam's Father asked the m in anger.

"We're saying that drunken idiot kicked your sorry asses south of the Donna Dixon line!" Frank said as he insults the South for questioning their own version of re-enacting the Civil War.

"We don't take too kindly to that sort of talk, mister. And I sure as shoot don't want your kid hanging around with my kid. And if you think I'm mad now, you got to answer to them Civil War survivors!" Sam's Father said as he points them at the Civil War survivors.

"Yeah. That's right." Old Redneck said as he and his gang went toward at the Mallque/Griffin family.

"Wait! Look over there! It's a newly-married, interracial gay couple burning the American flag!" Brian said as he points the angry mob look at the direction of where gay couple burning the American flag.

As the mob All gasping and look at the direction of where gay couple burning the American flag. Frank, Peter and Brian went to the General Lee and cheese it out of there.

"Get 'em!" Old Redneck said as the Crowd shouting while chasing them.

"I guess we can't hang out anymore." Chris said

"I guess not." Sam said

"That sucks! 'Cause I really like spending time with you." Chris said as he like spending time with him.

"Me, too." Sam said as he kisses him before leaving

As Chris Muffled protests by the kiss.

"What are you doing?" Frank JR asked Sam on why is he kiss Chris.

As Instrumental Dixie music playing as Frank, Peter and Brian launch the car over a hay bale.

"Now, Them Mallque boys better grow some wings or start flapping their arms." Waylon Jennings said as he reprises his role as the show's narrator.

As the Dramatic instrumental music plays as they escape those old rednecks.

"Lost 'em!" Old Redneck 1 shouted.

"Dag-blasted Lincoln lovers!" Old Redneck 2 complained about them being Lincoln lovers.

"Anyone seen my foot?" Old Redneck 3 asked the group about his foot.

Meanwhile we join Frank Jr and Chris at home, thoroughly bewildering themselves by yesterday's events.

"Man, was last night weird! Chris kissed a boy. But the truth is, he really like him as a friend. His name is Sam." Frank Jr writing in diary while thinking out loud.

"You kissed Sam last night?" John and Tyler came in from hear what Frank Jr said.

"How did you know?" Chris shouted at them.

"Well, Frank Jr saying it out loud. I could hear you in the other room." Tyler said.

"The weird thing is, kissing Sam kind of felt right. But I don't know if I can face him again. Brian, what should I do? I haven't been this confused since the end of "No Way Out"!" Chris said as he set up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Chris, Frank Jr., Persephone, John, Tyler, and Brian walking out of a movie theater.

"How does Kevin Costner keep getting work?" Chris asked.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Now we join the F.B.I agents playing with John and Frank Jr video games. The FBI Agents are playing a video game where a police officer and an alien shoot each other.

"How do I shoot? How do I shoot?" FBI Agent 2 asked FBI Agent 1 about shooting.

"Press B! B button!" FBI Agent 1 said it was the B button.

As they Knocking at the door, FBI Agent 1 answers the door.

"Telegram for Chris Griffin." Robber asked for Chris.

"Oh, he's not here." FBI Agent 1 said that he not here.

"Where is he?" Robber asked him.

"I can't release that information." FBI Agent 1 said that it classified.

"Oh, did I say Chris? I meant Chris's sisters." Robber asking about Chris sisters instead.

Oh, if it's for Meg and Persephone, that's a whole other story. Here's their address. FBI Agent 1 said as he closes the door.

"What are you doing?" FBI Agent 1 said as he notices that FBI Agent 2 was playing his turn on the game.

"You were busy, so I played your guy." FBI Agent 2 said as he takes his turn.

"Fine, I didn't want to play anyway!" FBI Agent 1 said as he whined.

"Well, then it worked out for everybody!" FBI Agent 2 said in response.

"I'll draw boobs on the Etch-A-Sketch!" FBI Agent 1 said as he walks away in anger.

"Go ahead, they always come out square!" FBI Agent 2 said as he whines at him.

After the killer left, Maddie and Rosie pokes their heads out of the bushes, they heard everything.

"This is bad..." Maddie said in worried about Frank Jr.

"How should we warn Junior?" Rosie asked her sister.

As Maddie then saw a pigeon.

"Wait... What if we send a message by pigeon? My grand-uncle told me he used to use pigeons during the second world war." Maddie said

"But how should we get that pigeon?" Rosie asked her sister about getting that pigeon.

Both girls paced while thinking until Rosie stopped.

"What about a net?" Rosie said as they rush inside the house to get a net.

We later cut to the girls preparing to catch the bird with a net, they both emerge for each side of the house and slowly crept forth and preparing to strike. Just as they were close enough, the both dropped their nets with a 'plop' but it turns out they had both missed and instead caught each other instead.

"Maybe we should've just call them by telephone..." Rosie said as they hop back inside the house to call frank Jr.

Meanwhile we join Chris walking towards Sam at the pond as Sam was skipping rocks.

"Oh, hi, Chris." Sam greets Chris.

"Hey. Listen, Sam. I like hanging out with you and all. It's just that I don't want a romantic relationship. But I'd like it if we could still be friends." Chris said about he doesn't want a romantic relationship. But I'd like it if we could still be friends.

"I'd like that, too. Want to go for a swim?" Sam asked about going swiming

"Sure." Chris said as they undress Chris discovers that Sam is a girl.

"You're a girl?" Chris said in shocked

Of course I am! Sam answer him

Oh, my God! Chris said as he ran away in shocked of being an idiot again.

As we join Frank Jr and Stewie's band is names 'Mc12 and the Cowtones'. As Frank Jr play his banjo.

"Warm out today. Warm yesterday. Even warmer today." Stewie said as they begin to sing My Fat Baby.

 **Stewie**

 _Met her on my CB. Said her name was Mimi. Sounded like an angel come to earth._

 **Cowtones**

 _Come to earth._

 **Stewie**

But when I went to meet her. Man you should have seen her. Twice as tall as me. Three times the girth.

 **Cowtones**

 _ **Girth**_

 **Stewie**

 _Oh my fat baby loves to eat._

 **Cowtones**

 _Loves to eat._

 **Stewie**

 _A big ol' Buddha belly and her b*** swing past her feet_

 **Cowtones**

 _Feet_

 **Stewie**

 _My fat baby loves to eat._

 **Cowtones**

 _Eat_

 **Stewie**

 _My big ol' f*** baby loves to eat_

"Take it away Junior." Stewie spoken as Frank Jr walk in with a fiddle.

 **Frank Jr**

 _Went on down to the waffle house, met a gal with a lovely blouse, and she claimed to be a champion beauty queen_

 **Cowtones**

 _Beauty queen._

 **Frank Jr**

 _But after all those darling months She'd be growing so much puffs. Rejected out the pageant. For love of ice cream._

 **Cowtones**

 _Ice cream._

 **Frank Jr**

 _Yes my fat baby loves to eat._

 **Cowtones**

 _Loves to eat._

 **Stewie**

 _A big ol' Buddha belly and her b*** swing past her feet_

 **Cowtones**

 _Feet_

 **Stewie and Frank Jr**

 _Our fat babies loves to eat._

 **Cowtones**

 _Eat_

 **Stewie and Frank Jr**

 _Yes our big ol' fatass baby loves to eat_

As Frank Jr finish his last banjo solo.

"I got blisters on me fingers!" Stewie spoken as his hand raised it.

"What?! Really?!" Frank Jr asked.

"I didn't mean literally Junior, it's a figure of speech meaning 'I've got so much excitement'." Stewie said.

As we join Lois and Peter alone at their south home.

"A drop more of the shine, my dear?" Peter asked Lois about give her some moonshine.

"Yes, please." Lois said as peter pours her a glass.

"You know; the kids are gonna be at that town social for a while." Peter:

"I think I know where you're going." Lois said as they Both laughing while she undresses herself until the raccoon jump out of her shirt and attack peter.

"Ah, ah, ah! Oh, God!" Peter said as he fights off the raccoon.

Then the Phone rings as Lois answer it.

"Hello?" Lois said on their phone.

As we zoom in at the Mallque house with F.B.I Agents having a party while it was Maddie and Rosie made do with their promise to call the Mallque/griffin family.

"Hello, Mrs. Griffin? Yeah. Sh. Shut up. You guys, shut up. Yeah, hi, this is Maddie murdock calling from your house." Maddie said.

As we zoom back at the south with Lois on the phone on their end.

"Oh, God!" Peter said as he fights off the raccoon on the floor.

"Oh, hi Maddie, how is everything?" Lois asked Frank Jr friend.

During the party scene when Maddie is calling the Griffins to warn them about the escaped convict, you can see Quagmire running past him sporting a foam dome hat and a bra while Rosie chase him.

"Hey give that back you pervert!" Rosie shouted in the background.

"Good, good. Real good. Real good. Listen, promise you won't be mad and it's probably nothing, but you know that criminal who's after Chris and Frank Jr? Yeah, he might know where you guys are, thanks to the F.B.I Brother over here. Maddie said in a sarcastic tone at the two agents.

"What? Peter, that criminal is on his way here to kill Chris!" Lois said to peter about the robber coming here.

"We gotta call the sheriff!" Lois said.

"Holy crap! I'm on it, Lois! "Sheriff's Office." Yes, hello. This is Peter Griffin. I'd like to report a dangerous criminal who may be coming to town. "I'm sorry, could you repeat your name?" It's Peter Griffin. G-R-l-F-F-l-N." Peter said as he calls himself on his phone while talking threw his house phone.

"Wait a minute. You're the sheriff?" Lois said in shocked.

"Hang on one sec, honey. I'm on the phone. "Who's that?" My wife." Peter said as he calls himself on his phone while talking threw his house phone.

"Chris is in danger! Do something! Round up a posse!" Lois said as she asked peter to round up a posse.

"Yeah, well, see, I kind of pissed off the whole town at that Civil War reenactment." Peter said as he explains about what happened at that Civil War reenactment.

"What are we gonna do?" Lois asked him.

"I don't know, Lois. But I feel lower than a bow-legged caterpillar." Peter said as he set up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

"Now, here's Roy!" Buck Owen announces.

 **Cutaway Ends**

As Lively country music playing at the town social with everybody dance.

"Sure is a ding-dang of a hoedown." Redneck 1 said.

"Uh-uh. This here's a hootenanny." Redneck 2 argued his response.

"Hoedown!" Redneck 1 said it was a hoedown.

"Hootenanny!" Redneck 2 said it was a Hootenanny.

"Hoedown!" Redneck 1 shouted it was a hoedown.

"Hootenanny!" Redneck 2 shouted it was a Hootenanny.

"Hoedown!" Redneck 1 shouted it was a hoedown as he pushes his friend.

"Hootenanny!" Redneck 2 shouted as they went on fist fight.

As Mc12 and the Cowtones sing I Wish Away My Wishes, on stage, during which Frank Jr wishes for the event were to be undone, which somebody from Frank's past will carry out.

 **Frank Jr**

 _Yee Haw!_

 _ **Frank Jr/Stewie:**_

 _Oh I wish I had a nickle, for every wish I made._

 _When I was feeling fickle, my heart was getting swayed,_

 _but one wish led to two wish and two wish led to more_

 _and that big old pile of wishes, left me battered, bruised, and sore._

 **Frank Jr**

 _Cuz everything that's happened,_

 **Frank Jr/Tyler/Stewie:**

 _Made a big old mess of me._

 **Frank Jr**

 _So I wish away my wishes,_

 **Frank Jr/Tyler/Stewie:**

 _Undo, reset, Ctrl Z_

 **Frank Jr**

 _Oh you made a million wishes and knocked me down to size,_

 **John**

 _Eyup._

 **Frank Jr**

 _And I made a million more and knocked you to the sky._

 **John**

 _Doudoudou_

 **Frank Jr/Stewie:**

 _You can have your cool boyfriend, It's the least that I can do._

 _Just let me play my music, for all my friends but you._

 **John**

 _Hey!_

 **Frank Jr**

 _Cuz everything that's happened,_

 _ **Frank Jr/Tyler/Stewie:**_

 _Made a big old mess of me._

 **Frank Jr**

 _So I wish away my wishes,_

 _ **Frank Jr/Tyler/Stewie:**_

 _Undo, reset, Ctrl Z_

"Jug solo everybody!" Frank Jr said as they all Jug Solo and then they were done. While Stewie gets a message on stage.

"Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Oh, and to the owner of a John Deere tractor, you're parked on top of a pig. John Deere tractor on top of a pig." Stewie makes an announcement that there is a John Deere tractor parked on top of a pig.

As we join Chris walking toward Sam who looks beautiful in her southern dress.

"Sam, can I talk to you?" Chris said to Sam by not looking at her.

"Sure. But why aren't you looking at me?" Sam asked Chris on why he not looking at her.

"Well, that's the thing. I'm no good at talking to girls. That's why I ran away from you." Chris said his explanation about his problems with girls.

"well, you didn't have trouble talking to me when you thought I was a boy." Sam said her response.

"Yeah, that's true." Chris said in agreement.

"Just pretend I'm a boy." Sam said about think about as one of the guys

"Okay." Chris said in agreement.

You want to go down to the old town bridge and make out? Sam asked him about going to the old town bridge and make out.

"Yes, sir!" Chris said in agreement as they walk away towards to the old town bridge and make out.

As we join The Griffin twins talking to their classmates about the north.

"And in the city, glasses are considered really sexy." Meg said about her glass being sexy.

"Dang! I hope her brother don't already have dibs on her." Boy said to his friend.

"Sorry boys but my sister is married!" Persephone said as the boy moan in disgust.

As the family car arrives with Frank, Brian and Peter in their police uniforms,

"Girls, Where's Chris? That criminal's here and he's after him." Brian asked the twins about Chris whereabouts.

"He's down by the old town bridge." Meg said as Frank Jr heard about Chris being in danger, he then rushes inside the car as it drives toward the old town bridge.

"You know; our brother is the one he's here to kill!" Meg said as she brags about her family.

"My daughter would absolutely love you." Girl said about setting them up with her daughter.

[Sweet instrumental music]

You're so cute. You're like a skinny Garth Brooks. Sam:

I got you now, Griffin! Robber:

"Ahhh!" Chris Exclaiming as the heroes arrive to save the day.

Not so fast, buddy! Peter said as he and Mallque possie arrive by cop car.

Who are you? Robber:

"Oh, you can call me Officer T.J. Hooker! Sheriff Officer T.J. Hooker! And this is my deputy, McMillan and Wife." Frank Jr introduce himself as Officer T.J. Hooker and introduce Peter as McMillan and Wife.

"Well, I hated T.J. Hooker! And I never actually saw McMillan and Wife! Although I was aware of it! Anyway, you're dead!" Robber said as he shoots them buts misses by the bridged breaking his shot. While his guy fell through the hole in the bridge.

"You're mine now, fella!" Peter said as he begins to shoot but nothing come out of his gun. Peter discovers, however, that his gun is empty and the raccoon attack him from inside the gun.

"Ahhhh! Frank Jr! Help! Help! Dad!" Chris Screaming for help from his family while the robber tries to choke him. Until Sam's father comes to the rescue and shoots the criminal.

"You folks all right?" Sam's Father asked everyone on the bridge was alright.

"Wow! You guys saved our lives." Frank Jr said in shocked as to what happed today.

"After I said that all Southern people have bad teeth and suffer from the gum disease known as gingivitis." Frank said about gingivitis in a scary tone.

"Well, we take care of our own. And as long as y'all live here, y'all are Southerners, too." Sam's Father said that since they live here, the towns people take care of our own.

"Wow, thanks!" Peter said as he thanks Sam's father for saving his son.

"It's our pleasure. Sam, I'll see you at home." Sam's Father said as he leaves towards home.

"I think the lesson here is it doesn't matter where you're from, as long as we're all the same religion." Frank said as he learn a lesson being here in bumbscum.

Now we join The Mallque/Griffin family packing to go home back in quahog. As we see Meg and Persephone saying goodbye to their classmates and teacher.

"It was great having you two in class, Girls." Teacher said her goodbye.

"Thanks. We will really gonna miss everybody." Persephone said.

"We didn't have no money for a present. So, we all just spit in a jar." Student 1 said as he gives the girls a jar full of spit.

As we zoom in Chris and Sam who have a bit of heartbreak.

"I can't believe you're leaving." Sam said in a sad tone.

"Me, either. I'll be sure to write." Chris said in a sad tone.

"And I'll be sure to learn to read." Sam said in a sad tone.

"And the next time I see a dead guy I'm gonna poke him twice as hard for both of us." Chris said as they kiss and hug good bye.

As Sentimental instrumental country music play while we zoom in at The family returns to Quahog

"It's so nice to be home." Lois said as they all enter their home.

As The Griffins return to discover 113 messages on their answering machine, all from Herbert, who wants to know what happened to the paper boy.

"You have 113 new messages." Answering Machine said.

"Oh, my!" Lois said as the first message played.

"Uh, yeah, I was just wondering where the newspaper boys was." Herbert said as the Machine beeps the next message.

"Haven't seen a newspaper in a couple days. Wonderin' if they ever gonna come back." Herbert said as the Machine beeps the next message,

"Guess who? Sorry to leave you two so many messages. Just Ionely here. Thinkin' about the muscly-armed paperboys. Wishin' they'd come by and bring me some good news." Herbert said as the Machine beeps the next message.

"Where are you two?" Herbert said as the Machine beeps the next message.

"You're starting to piss me off, you little piggly sons of a bitches. Call me." Herbert said as the Machine beeps the next message.

Then Frank Jr destroyed the answer machine in disgust

"We are getting a new Job Chris, because we are not going to be seeing that guy ever!" Frank Jr said as Frank and the family all nodded in agreement.

Now we join Frank Jr in the living room with his friends.

"Oh man, I missed you so much Junior! We'd almost forgot you!" Maddie said as she misses him.

"I miss the both of you too!" Frank Jr said as he misses them as well.

"And I miss seeing you, and the look of you in the same diaper brand." Rosie said something weird.

Maddie and Frank Jr stared at Rosie awkwardly.

"What?" Rosie said.

"Anyway, I got a souvenir from the south, a nice fiddle that was given to me. Plus, I got this music washcloth and a mandolin to give you as a present." Frank Jr said as he brought presents

"Oh that's so sweet! Thank you!" Rosie said.

"And speaking of presents. Ahem?" Maddie said as they look at the stairs.

Stewie was halfway up the stairs sneaking back to his room when he freezes and looks down at a pair of angry girls.

"Um... hi?" Stewie said as the girls look piss off.

Get him! Maddie said as they chase Stewie.

Stewie runs up to his room as the girls chased him up the stairs.

"Was this for my goodbye present?!" Stewie said as he dodges karate kicks from their girls.

Stewie enters his room and shut the door locking them out as the girls pound the door demanding to let them in.

"Maybe I should move on towards men..." Stewie said to himself.

As the funny scene at the ends while closing theme music play.

 **Chapter ends**

 **I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thanking for pen123 and Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas. Also Doc X me if you want to help with scenes for next chapter because I need the ideas.**


	14. Chapter 41: Screwed the Pooch

**Chapter 41: Screwed the Pooch**

Our story begins with the Mallque/Griffin family walking at the Quahog Zoo.

"Okay. I got the whole day planned. First, we see the primates. Then the butterfly house. Then a bathroom break. Then we'll..." Lois said as she list the events that the family are doing today in the zoo.

"Come on, Lois. Can't we all run around in a disorganized fashion?" Frank said as he is sick of Lois's stupid schedule.

"Yeah!" Meg and Persephone said in agreement with Frank's responce.

"Let it go, Lois!" Stewie said.

"I want to see the elephants and ride them like dumbo." Frank Jr shouted from within his stroller.

"Monkeys throw their poop!" Chris said something random.

"This list is stupid man!" John and Tyler moun.

"No. If we don't adhere to a strict schedule, we won't see everything." Lois said as she win her argument until Frank and Peter couldn't take it anymore.

"Kids, gas masks." Peter said as the family minus Lois put their gas mask on, as Frank slam a smoke bomb.

"Run!" Peter said as the family ran away while the smoke clears up leave Lois with Rib to piece of her stupid list with no people to boss over.

 **(Suck it Lois, you uppity bitch!)**

As Cheery instrumental music play as we join the babies and Brian at the petting zoo.

"There you are. Oh, don't be such a pig, Mr. Pig. Now, where's Mr. Sheep? Is he being baaa-shful?" Stewie said Laughing.

"That's right. You're all ripe for parody." Frank Jr said as he and Stewie are enjoying themselves at the petting zoo/

"Can we go now?" Brian said as he want to go somewhere else.

Shut up! I'm having fun. Stewie shouted at Brian that he and Frank Jr are having fun as he pets the pig. Brain then puts animal food in Stewie's pocket.

"Oh, my! Someone's awfully rude. My fanny is not on the menu! What? Oh! Oh, God!" Stewie said as he trys to get away from the animal from biting his butt, but its no used they chase him around the petting zoo.

Now we join Frank, John, Tyler and Peter looking at the mama kangaroo, as peter jump over the fence while leave some food for the baby kangaroo.

"Here, little fella. Come get the food. I have always wanted to do this." Peter said as he goes inside the pouch of the mama kangaroo with Tyler.

Now we see Lois has gather the rest of the family while they arrived at the marsupial's habitat as she spot Frank and John.

Oh, here are the marsupials. Peter, tyler what the hell are you doing? Lois said as she spot Peter and Tyler inside the mama kangaroo pouch.

"Look at us, Mrs. Griffin. I'm Roo! Come on, Ma. Let's go watch Pooh trick the bees out of their honey by pretending he's a rain cloud." Tyler says he and PETER like Roo when he is in the kangaroo's pouch. He is referencing the joey from the Winnie-the-Pooh books.

As Stewie toward Brian, he all mess up and very piss off.

"I am going to kick your ass." Stewie said as the opening show starts.

 **Opening Credits**

 _It seems today that all ya see_

 _Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

 _But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

 _On which we used to rely_

 _Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

 _Lucky there's a man who_

 _Positively can do_

 _All the things that make us_

 _Laugh n' Cry_

 _He's_

 _a_

 _Fam_

 _-ily_

 _Guy!_

 **End**

As Sentimental instrumental music play we join Brian, John and Tyler at the Quahog Dog Park. As brian notice that these dogs are female and he get nerves, so he sits at bench with a random man with his buddies.

"How's it going?" Brian asked a random man.

"Great. Beautiful day." Man said.

"Oh, gorgeous. You know, we sit here and force small talk while they have the time of their lives." John add to this conversation.

"Yeah. Yeah." Tyler agreed as the man walk away, Both John and Tyler went to a ice cream stand to get some ice cream.

Now alone, Brian notice a female dog and Whistles the female dog to come over.

"Here, girl." Brian said as he throws a treat at the dog as he notices her butt next to him. While looking left and right for anybody he went sniffs the genital parts of a female dog at the Quahog Dog Park while Shuddering at this sensation, until everybody look at him.

"Sorry. I thought I smelled...cookies." Brian said just as John and Tyler just arrive on time to drag him away.

"Wow! Does it really smell like...oh, God! She farted, and it went down my throat!" Mort Goldman said as he goes toward the dogs butt, he gets only dog farts.

Now we join at the Mallque/Griffin House as Frank, Peter, Cleveland, Menma, Negi, Quagmire, Rage, Zeke and Joe are playing poker in John and Tyler's room.

"Full house." Peter said as he and Frank wins again at poker.

"Dagnab! That's some poker face you've got, Frank and Peter." Cleveland said a she compaments them at their victory.

"Years of practice, boys." Peter said as they show to have no faces while playing poker.

"Peter, Frank, you both are on a roll. We ought to get you two down to Atlantic City this weekend." Joe suggests they take Frank and Peter to Atlantic City.

"Sorry, guys. Mom is making us visit the in-laws this weekend. I don't know why she even bothers. Pop and Lois's old man have never gotten along." Frank said as he sets a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

"Hey, I got an email from Mr. Pewterschmidt!" Peter cheered as a fist pops up and punches him out.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"You should find some common ground with your father-in-law, Peter. Figure out what he likes, and study up on it." Joe said as he tells Peter to find a common ground with Lois' father

"Hey, that's a great idea. I'll learn how to act like a rich guy. I'm gonna start right now. Cratchit, you're working through Christmas!" Peter said as he acts upon the advice as if he were Ebenezer Scrooge, he shouts at Bob Cratchit, who's copying letters in the corner, telling him he has to work through Christmas, like in A Christmas Carol.

"But, sir, what of Tiny Tim?" Bob Cratchit asked about his son

Bah! He and his ukulele shall go wanting. Peter said as he reference to Tim the musician, not Cratchit's son.

Meanwhile we join Frank and Peter at news-stand

"Huh-The New Yorker. I bet Lois's dad reads this." Peter said as he opens an issue of the new Yorker.

"I'd be more apathetic if I weren't so lethargic." Frank read a cartoon in The New Yorker.

As Crickets chirping while Frank and Peter stands in front of a newspaper stand for several days attempting to understand a cartoon in The New Yorker.

"Oh, I get it. That's kind of funny." Peter said as he and Frank understands the meaning which said, "I'd be more uncaring if I weren't so lazy."

"Yeah. Can I have a copy of Jugs?" Frank said as he snickers a little, after finally getting the joke, then requests a copy of Juggs.

As we join Frank and Peter at adult education class.

"In French, when you want to say "yes," you say "oui, oui." Teacher said as she translates the mean of yes in french.

"You gotta be kidding me! Oh, my God! That is hysterical!" Peter laughs at the meaning.

"Oh, man! And what do you say for no? "Doo-doo"? Hey, we'll be right back. Me and Pops gotta go take a wicked "yes." Frank said as he and Peter leave toward the restroom.

As Regal instrumental music play, we join our duo at the quahog museum. Peter rearranges a Pablo Picasso painting at the Quahog Art Museum so it actually looks like a face.

The Crowd Exclaiming with comprehension

"It's a person." Guy said about the painting.

Meanwhile we ourselves at the Mallque/Griffin house, as Lois walk towards Frank, Peter and Frank Jr sitting on the couch.

"Peter, would you please fix the bathroom faucet?" Lois asked Peter to fix the bathroom faucet.

"I fixed it already." Peter said that he already fixes it.

"No, you didn't. It's still dripping." Lois said that the faucet still dripping.

"No way! I will give you all my Star Wars cards if it is. Wait, wait. Except Boba Fett. No matter how sure I am, I never risk the Fett man." Frank Jr said as he interrupted them as he bets all his Star Wars card except Boba Fett.

As they walk towards the restroom as they catch Brain masturbating in the bathroom.

"Oh, my God!" Lois Gasping as she notices he has a n issue of kinky canine's coeds; Frank then close the door behind.

"Was he just mastur... Lois asked them about see Brian Masturbating.

"Yes." Frank and Peter said quickly.

"Oh, my!" Lois said in shocked.

"Do we-do we rub his nose in it?" Peter said about rubbing Brian's problem in his face.

As we join Lois take her suitcase toward the car until she bumps into Brain in the living room.

"Oh, hi, Brian." Lois said as she tries to get over what happened yesterday.

"Uh, listen, Lois, about yesterday..." Brian said as he explains himself about yesterday.

"Oh, Brian. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's perfectly normal." Lois said as she believes it is normal

"I know. It's just, you know, I should be able to control my baser instincts. But lately I've just been having these urges. Brian said he was having problems with his baser instincts.

"Brian, why don't you come up to my parents' house with us? The fresh air will help you relax. Lois said as she suggests that Brian go with them to get time off.

"I know where I go when I want to relax." Stewie said as he sets up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Stewie at a gay dance club with shirtless men.

"I know the guy that owns this place!" Stewie shouted.

"What?" a gay guy asked.

"I said, I know the guy that...I'll tell you later. I love this song" Stewie said as he starts dancing like crazy when music is played.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"Thanks. But I think a quiet weekend here by myself is just the thing I need." Brian said as he decides to relax at home.

"well, have a good time." Lois said as she takes Stewie

"All right, I'm just gonna relax, mellow out, and watch some television." Brian said as he turns on the TV by himself.

"We now return to "World's Sluttiest Dogs" on Fox." Announcer said as Brain sees a show called World's Sluttiest Dogs, which airs on the Fox Network. This is a reference to Fox's tendency to air shows with moderate sexual undertones and sensationalistic reality shows usually starting with the phrase "World's..." followed by a superlative, such as World's Wildest Police Videos.

As we see Brain runs after his family car.

"Hey, wait up!" Brian said until he runs into the bumper.

Right into the bumper. Frank Jr and Peter said as they laughs at brian. They let him in as The family goes to visit Lois' parents.

As Cheery instrumental music, they arrive at Pewterschmidt mansion.

"Hi, Mom." Lois greet her mother by hugging her as Barbara looks at her great grandchild.

"Oh, look at you all. I know someone who's getting a gift certificate for Red robin in his stocking." Barbara said as she dots him with food.

"Thank you, Nana." Frank Jr said in glee.

"Hello, everyone." Carter greet everyone as he arrive at the living room.

Hi, Daddy. Lois said.

"Bonjour, Monsieur Pewterschmidt." Peter greet in French.

"Did Peter have a stroke?" Carter aked lois about Peter's behavior.

"No, Daddy. Peter's cultured himself, like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman." Lois said.

Oh, so I should treat him like a high-class whore. Carter said as he lites up a cigarette and burns Peter with the cigarette.

"That's fine. Just no kissing on the lips." Peter said while further referencing Pretty Woman. As he sucks it up while John and Tyler now have to deal with another evil old man in the family.

"Would you like a piece of candy?" Barbara asked Stewie if he wants a piece of candy.

"I smell death on you!" Stewie said an insult until he was smack by Frank.

"Behave towards your grandmama!" Frank said like black father would say to his kids.

Meanwhile at Newport docks we join peter and his boys arriving at carters boat.

"Ahoy, Mr. Pewterschmidt. Permission to come aboard?" Peter asking Cart to come aboard his ship.

"No!" Carter said but Peter and the boys come in anyway.

"Thanks. Quite a schooner you got here. What is she, like, a 45-footer?" Peter said as he looks around the boat.

"Peter, I didn't know you were a sailor." Carter question Peter's knowledge of boat and sailing.

"I didn't know you looked so good in shorts." Peter said as he Whistling and purring.

"What?" Carter said.

"You don't have an eye spliced in this mooring line. I'll tie a bowline in there and make one for you. That should hold her." Peter said as the boat gets destroyed.

At the Newport country club we join them inside doing wine tasty.

"And this is a '74 Pinot Noir." Sommelier said as Man 1 just tasted the wine then spit it out in a bucket.

"Lovely." Man 1 said after tasty.

"Carter, did you tell your grandsons-in-laws they are not supposed to swallow the wine?" Man 2 question carter as they see them doing crazy stuff.

Where the hell is that Peter Griffin? He said he'd give me $100 if I took off all my clothes off. Tyler said Slurring while he and Peter were being naked as Frank and John drank themselves unconscious.

As Carter Growling at this moment.

Now we join the family at Pewterschmidt mansion relaxing.

"Thanks for bringing me here, Lois. This is just what I needed." Brian said.

"I'm glad. It seems like everybody's having a lot of fun." Lois:said as we join Stewie and Frank Jr getting messages.

"So, how long are you and your family in town?" Masseuse:

"Uh-uh-uh!" Stewie said as he interrupts her

"No conversation." Frank Jr tells her to do her job as we join Lois and Brain.

"You idiot! I'm never taking you to my country club again!" Carter said

"Look, I'm sorry, Mr. Pewterschmidt." Peter said as he apologies to Carter.

"Your husband is a moron! He walks up to the premier of China and says, "Dong, where is my automobile?" "why did they stop him!" Carter mentions that, at a party at the Newport Country Club, Peter approached the Premier of China and said, "Dong, where is my automobile?" while being piss off at the boy for not stopping line is a reference to John Hughes's film Sixteen Candles.

"Lois, I tried to fit in with your dad's crowd, but it's worse than before. I tell ya, this sucks worse than that time I was on Survivor." Peter said as he sets a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Peter on Survivor.

"How dare you wash your clothes in our drinking water, Bebe? Now how are we gonna survive in this harsh, unforgiving terrain?" Peter asked as he crashed…into the Price is Right setting, realizing that the island was a fake cutout.

"All right, Donny, make sure the wheel goes all the way around" Bob Barker told to a contestant.

"Oh, no. Headhunters. Am I fired?" Peter asked as he pretended to be scared.

 **Cutaway Ends**

As we join carter at his rose garden as Lois arrives to talk to her father.

"Daddy, Frank and Peter's been trying really hard to get you to like them. Couldn't you give them another chance? Let them join your poker game tomorrow night?" Lois asked him to let Frank and Peter to going the poker game.

"Sorry, honey. I'd rather be stuck in an elevator with Nathan Lane, Gilbert Gottfried, Carrot Top, uh, Sean Hayes... well, you get the picture." Carter said no.

"Please?" Lois begged.

"No! "Carter said it again his answer.

"Okay. You know, maybe later I'll take Mom by the shoeshine place and introduce her to that nice mulatto boy who looks an awful lot like..." Lois said about going to look for a nice mulatto boy for her mother.

"Say, would Frank and Peter like to play poker with us?" Carter interrupts her and cave in an invited Frank and Peter at the poker game.

"He'd love to, Daddy." Lois said.

"That sounds dynamite." Carter said.

As Cheery instrumental music play as Brain walks through the rose garden as carter calls him over.

"Brian, come over here and meet Seabreeze, my prize-winning dog. Isn't she a perfect specimen? I mean, look at these legs, and that beautiful coat, and feel the heat coming off of her genitalia. You could roast a marshmallow. That's how you can tell she's a champion. Go on, put your hand there." Carter said as he pushes brain's paw near her genitalia to feel her heat.

"Oh, boy. That is something." Brian said as he gets off on her.

"Is that something?" Carter said.

"That is something. That is hot." Brian said as he tries to control himself.

"Isn't she the most beautiful dog you've ever seen?" Carter said as he brags about his dog's beauty.

"Yes, yes, she is a beautiful dog. And that's okay." Brian said as he signs in panic.

Now we join Frank and Peter at the billionaires Poker game as they all arrive at the table.

"Gentlemen, this is Peter and Frank. He's the idiot my daughter married and he is the idiot who got my granddaughter pregnant." Carter said as he introduces his friends to Frank and Peter,

"Michael Eisner." Michael Eisner said

"Bill Gates." Bill Gates said

"Bill, Peter's an antitrust lawyer with the Justice Department." Carter said as bill hits him while Frank hits him back.

"Just kidding. He's a fisherman, or some stupid thing." Carter said while noticing that his Grandson in law is strong and very familiar.

"Hey, fellas." Ted Turner said as he arrives.

"Wow! Ted Turner!" Peter said in a surprised tone.

"I told you guys not to invite him." Carter said as he is piss off.

"He must have followed us." Michael Eisner said as The other three wealthy men do not like him and find him annoying.

"Come on, ladies. Are we gonna play cards or what?" Ted Turner said

"Frank, why don't you deal?" Carter asking his grandson to deal.

"Okay, guys. We're playing Texas Hold 'Em." Frank said as he mixs the cards.

"Are aces high or low?" Ted Turner asking about the aces.

"They go both ways." Peter answers ted.

"He said, "They go both ways." Bill Gates giggles as All of wealthy men laugh.

"Like a bisexual." Ted Turner said as he often explains the humor in jokes.

"Thank you, Ted. That was the joke." Michael Eisner said while Frank agree with him.

"I see your bet, Carter. And I raise you CNN." Ted Turner said as he bets CNN.

"I don't think I can..." Carter said as he about to fold.

"Wait, wait, wait. You can beat him, Mr. Pewterschmidt. He's bluffing." Peter said he know that carter can win.

"Peter, he just bet CNN. There's no way he's bluffing." Carter said.

"I'm sure he is. He's got a tell. Listen, if you lose this hand, Pops will divorce your daughter." Frank said while Peter gets nerves.

"I'm in. All right, Teddy. I'll see your CNN with US Steel. What do you got?" Carter said as he is in raised US Steel.

"Two pair." Ted Turner said reveal his cards.

"Ace-high straight." Carter said as he win a poker game against Turner.

"You two sold me out. I could use men like you. How's $1 million a year sound? You two disgust me! Get out of my face!" Ted Turner said as he prompting himself to leave in anger.

"Peter, that's the first time any of us have ever beaten Ted." Carter said.

"Yeah. How did your son in law know he was bluffing?" Bill Gates asked him.

"Well, when he lies, he blinks twice. He then first noticed it when he did that Barbara Walters interview, and he said he'd be with Jane Fonda forever." Peter explain what was Frank was cooking.

"Well, I'm gonna turn in." Bill Gates said.

"Yeah. Me, too. I gotta be at Disneyland before it opens. We're ethnically cleansing the "Small World" ride." Michael Eisner said

"Come on. You guys practically run this country. There's gotta be a ton of fun stuff we could do." Peter said

As The scene in which Peter, Carter, Bill Gates, Michael Eisner & Ted Turner smash the mailboxes and lie on the school field is a reference to the 1993 film Dazed and Confused.

"All right!" Bill Gates said as they all cheered until they were reaching a toll booth.

"Oh, man! There's a tollbooth. Hey, anybody got a quarter?" Peter asking the group.

"What's a quarter?" Bill Gates asked peter about what a quarter is.

"Well, we gotta give him something." Frank said as they reach the booth, both carter and peter moon the guy while they All laughing.

As we join them at a football field looking at the stars.

"Man, looking up at the sky just makes you feel so small." Peter said

"Yeah. I mean, if God created all this, who created God?" Bill Gates asked about god.

"Maybe he created himself." Michael Eisner answer bill's question.

"Or herself. Think about that." Frank said as he made them all think.

"Neat. These guys' deep, Carter. Where'd you find them?" Bill Gates asked Carter.

"He's my son-in-law and the boy is my Grandson-in-law." Carter said

Then a Cell phone rings as Bill Gates answers it.

"Okay, honey. I gotta go, you want a ride?" Bill Gates asked Michael if he want a ride home.

"Sure." Michael Eisner said as Bill Gates' signal for a helicopter to pick him up is the Microsoft Windows symbol, and is a parody of the iconic method of signaling for Batman. The Windows logo's colors are upside-down, as the Windows logo is, from top row to bottom row: red-green, blue-yellow.

"Wow!" Peter said

"Frank, Peter, I actually had a good time with both of you tonight. And I just want to say-well-I'm glad that you, Peter Griffin married my daughter, and you Frank Mallque married my granddaughter." Carter said as Frank and Peter finally wins the respect and friendship of Carter Pewterschmidt, Lois's wealthy and elitist father.

"Thank you, Jesus." Peter said as he set a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

Peter looks up at the sky.

"Actually, it wasn't me. It was…" Jesus pauses for a moment.

"No, no. It's okay. I'm used to it" Vishnu said.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Now we join the family at the Newport race tract to cheer Seabreeze.

"Having fun, Frank and Peter?" Carter asked Frank and Peter if they are enjoying themselves.

"You bet. we put all our poker winnings on your dog, Mr. P." Peter said.

"Dog?" Brian said as he notice Seabreeze on the tract.

"You got nothing to worry about. Seabreeze is a sure thing." Carter said.

"Seabreeze?" Brian said as he notices her while getting all bother. John and Tyler notice Brian looking at Seabreeze, they started to panic.

"Dad, where are the jockeys?" Chris asked

"They're all in the laundry, son. I'm going Indian today." Peter said something random.

"Come on, Seabreeze!" Lois cheered for the dog.

"Yeah! Come on! Come on! Go! Go! Go!" Peter and Frank shouted for Seabreeze to win.

"Ohaaahhha!" Brian lustfully groans and shuddering as he leaves toward the tract. John and Tyler soon followed him to stop him.

"What's Brian doing? And Why is John and Tyler following him?" Lois said as she sees Brian chasing Seabreeze.

"Oh, my God!" Meg said as The cordiality is destroyed when Brian humps Seabreeze, Pewterschmidt's prize-winning racing greyhound, at the racetrack. While John and Tyler stop brain by kicking him off by the balls.

"He's violating Seabreeze!" Carter said in shocked.

"No, no, he's just awkwardly positioning himself-now he's violating Seabreeze." Peter said as he explains what's happing.

"And John and Tyler are trying to stop by kick him in balls while in coitus. The have succeded!" Frank said as he was watch threw his binoculars.

As Frank Jr and Stewie were Making funky porn-style music.

We join everybody in the living room at Pewterschmidt's mansion.

"Mr. Pewterschmidt, again, I just want to tell you how sorry I am about this. we don't know what came over brain." John said as he apologies for what happeded at the race tract.

"Your dog had better not have ruined my race dog!" Carter said in an angry tone.

"Brian, I am very disappointed in you! I'd turn my back on you, but I've seen what you do in that situation. Now, if you'll excuse me, Carter and I have a polio match to attend." Peter said.

"Get away from me! You and that filthy mongrel of yours! How is she, Doctor?" Carter:

"She's fine. Seabreeze will be able to race again. But, unfortunately, not for another nine weeks. She's pregnant." Veternarian said that what happened today because Seabreeze ends up pregnant, and Brian is immediately blamed.

"Look, Mr. Pewterschmidt, I just want you to know, I am going to do the right thing here." Brian said that he wants to raise the puppies himself.

"You're not doing anything! In fact, you're never going to see Seabreeze again! All of you, pack your things and get out!" Carter said as he disapproves

I am never speaking to you again. Don't worry, Mr. Pewterschmidt. I have a plan. I am gonna go back in time and stop Brian from getting it on with your dog. Everybody stand back. Peter said as he wailing at the attempting to go back in time.

"Oh, boy. Oh, God. Ah." Pter said as the way he falls down and destroys everything is reminiscent of Chris Farley's Matt Foley character destroying chairs and other furniture during his motivational speeches on Saturday Night Live.

At the front door, everyone was leave for piss off carter Pewterschmidt.

"Mr. Pewterschmidt, please? Can we still be pals? See, look. I made a picture of you and me out of glue and macaroni." Peter said

"Wow, Peter! That means a lot to me because you made it." Carter said

"Really?" Peter asked him.

No! Get out of here! Carter shouted at peter to leave as the Veternarian come in.

"Mr. Pewterschmidt! Seabreeze is gone!" Veternarian:

"What?" Carter shouted.

"I can't find Brian, John and Tyler." Lois said as Brian elopes with Seabreeze with John and Tyler follow them.

"Peter, you know what I'm going to do to you if Brian took off with my Seabreeze?" Carter said to Peter on what he going to do to him.

"I think I have an idea." Peter said in a sad tone as he set up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Carter stomping angrily on Peter's macaroni photo as Peter starts crying nonstop.

 **Cutaway Ends**

We join Brain, John, Tyler and Seabreeze at a cheap hotel.

"This is the room. The light switch is here. It's mostly for show. There's your Murphy bed. Don't mind the Epsteins. They keep to themselves." Man said as he shows them around while showing a hole behind The Murphy bed as we see the Epsteins.

"We're going to see Bobby Darin at the Copa tomorrow, right, Charlie?" Mrs. Epstein asked Mr. Epstein.

"Bobby Darin tomorrow." Mr. Epstein answer his wife.

This is the bathroom. But watch out. We got some bad roaches here. Man said as he opens the bathroom that show two gangster roaches.

"You're on our turf, man!" Roach 1 said.

"Man, I cut you! I cut you up so bad, you gonna wish I no cut you up so bad." Roach 2 said. As they close the door.

"Those are bad roaches." Brian said about the roaches.

"I blame the schools." Man said.

As Mysterious instrumental music playing as we join Lois, Frank and Brain at the park

"Were you followed?" Brian asked them.

"Don't worry. Lois got a decoy." Frank said as he set up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Chris disguised as Lois as he pushes Stewie with a stroller.

"Hi, Lois. Hubba-hubba. Whoa, Lois! You put on a few, huh?" Quagmire asked.

"Well, I never!" Chris shouted as he slaps Quagmire.

"That's all right, honey. I don't think he was the one anyway. Now, let's go get sundaes" Stewie suggested.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"You know, we all really miss you. And Peter talks about you all the time." Lois said.

"Oh, really? Anything nice?" Brian asked anything nice from Peter.

"No." Frank said as peter is still piss off at Brian.

"So, he's still mad, huh?" Brian said.

"Well you did ruined his chance at bonding with his father in law." Lois said as she explains what he did.

"Well, I should go. Here. Take this. It's probably not a good idea for us to meet anymore. Daddy swore he'd track you down any way he could." Frank said as they hug Brian goodbye.

As Dramatic instrumental music play carter asked help from Michael Eisner and Bill Gates, Seabreeze is tracked down to a motel.

"Bingo!" Michael Eisner said.

"I told you she'd lead us to him. Let's call Pewterschmidt." Bill Gates said.

"No, wait. Let's take the jetpacks!" Michael Eisner said as he opens his closet to reveal a pair of jetpacks.

"Cool!" Bill Gates said as they fly toward cater at Newport.

"Man! The people look like ants from up here." Michael Eisner said as he look down are the cities they pass.

"They are ants, Michael. They are ants." Bill Gates said.

Now the cops found the room Brian and Seabreeze were in. As they were photographed being discovered in a closet at the motel by a soldier, just like Elián González, a Cuban boy whose extended family tried to keep him from being returned to his father in Cuba.

"This is Tricia Takanawa reporting live, where police have discovered the whereabouts of Seabreeze, the heiress to the Pewterschmidt fortune. The dognapped has been traced to this sleazy motel. Ah, I see my colleague Tom Tucker is already on the scene." Tricia Takanawa said as she reports the news as she spots Tom tucker coming out his room in the motel.

"Who's that, baby?" Prostitute said as she hug tom until he pushes her in the room.

"Hello, this is Tom Tucker's...evil twin, Todd Tucker out to destroy his brother's reputation. Tom Tucker said as he fakes evil laugh while he takes the mic.

"I'm going back inside to have freaky sex with my prostitute with whom I still have 45 minutes. Now, back to this breaking news." Tom Tucker:

As Suspenseful instrumental music plays as we join our heroes at the kitchen.

"John, Tyler and Brian, please, eat something." Lois asked them to eat something.

"Why bother? My face is plastered all over the news. Your father won't let me see the dog who's carrying my puppies. And my best friend is going to incredible lengths to ignore me." Brian said as we zoom out to show peter was eating in a glass box.

"Brian, don't let him get to you. Peter, come out of that thing!" Lois said as she shouted at peter to get out of that box.

"He can't hear you, Lois. Besides, it's not him that's getting to me, it's your father." Brian said as peter choke for air.

"I'm sorry. I talked to him, but he wouldn't budge. He can be so stubborn. I don't know how my mother puts up with it. He did promise to take good care of the puppies though." Lois said as peter faints inside the box.

"Well, you know, they're not his to take care of. They're Brian kids! And we are gonna get them back. We don't know if our fathers were there for us, but dammit Brian is gonna be there for his kids! We are gonna sue your dad for custody!" John said as he leaves the room while Junior broke the box while he gives Peter the jaws of life.

As Solemn instrumental music playing as we join everyone at the court house for Brian sueing Carter for custody of his puppies.

"Daddy, please, stop this. Brian has every right to see his puppies when they're born." Lois said as she begs for her father to stop this.

"Sorry, pumpkin." Carter said

"I had no idea you could be so cruel. I'll never forgive you for this!" Lois said as she was very angry with her father being such a basterd.

"Oh, you'll be fine. You're just having your period." Carter said as he tells her that she is have her time of the month.

"That's true!" Frank Jr said as Lois looks at him with a very piss off look.

"This court will now come to order." Judge said as the trail begin with John and Brian on the stand.

"John watts, does Brian, like children?" Lawyer said

"he loves children. That's why I'm here. I want him to have the opportunity to raise his puppies." John said.

"Brian, Do you remember an incident at a South Attleboro Denny's in December of 1996?" Lawyer said

"Yeah, I guess." Brian said as we set up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Brian eating in a restaurant as a baby is crying super loudly. He gets so irritated that he starts screaming back at the baby.

"(Screaming back) You like that? You like that? (Screaming) You just tune this out, don't you? Well, tune this out! (Screaming)" Brian snapped as everyone was staring at the dog. The baby and Brian screamed back at each other.

"Shut up!" Brian said as he tells the baby to shut up.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Back in court

"Objection, Your Honor! Those parents were tools!" Frank Jr said from the sidelines.

The judge said, "I'll allow it," while Junior snapped his fingers in disgust.

"Look, I was angry because my Moon Over Mi-hammy was overcooked..." Brian explain the events.

"I also have your rental records from the Quahog Video Store. Can you read the last two titles, please?" Lawyer said as he asked John to read the last names of the movies list.

"Son-In-Law and Bio-dome." John said the names.

And who's the star of those films? Lawyer asked Brian the name of the actor who appear in those movies.

"Pauly Shore." Brian said.

"Pauly Shore!" Lawyer said as he brings up sordid details of Brian's past and personality to destroy his chances at trial.

"He's terrible!" Man said from the court about the actor.

"But I rented those for Peter. He got banned from the video store for taping over their movies." Brian rented for Peter two Pauly Shore films, Bio-Dome and Son in Law after Peter was banned from the video store for taping over their movies. Peter taped over a rented copy of Citizen Kane.

 **Cutaway**

We see a couple watching a movie.

"Rosebud" a line from Citizen Kane is played as suddenly the movie shifts to Peter talking.

"It's his sled. It was his sled from when he was a kid. There. I just saved you two long, boobless hours" Peter announced.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"How convenient! Blame it on someone else. Is that the kind of man we want raising these puppies?" Lawyer said

"Peter? You got to believe me, Your Honor." Brian said as peter turn his back on him.

"Uh, Peter, I'm putting together another card game. You in?" Carter asked him about being in the game.

"You want me to play?" Peter said.

"Absolutely. But first I want you to testify against that horny mutt of yours." Carter said as he tries to bribe Peter by stating he'll include him during his activities again if Peter testifies against Brian.

"I don't know if I can do that." Peter said.

"Ooh, that's too bad. Because Bill and Michael really want to see you again. They're coming over later, and Bill's going to bring his Stretch Armstrong." Carter said as he butter ups Peter with Bill and Michael wanting to see him again.

Oh, man! And his arms stretch out to next week! Peter:

Your Honor, Peter Griffin and Frank Mallque would like to take the stand. Carter said as Peter and Frank make to the stand.

Mr. Mallque, which of the following two phrases best describes Brian Griffin? "Problem drinker" or "African-American haberdasher"? Lawyer asked Frank about describing Brian in tow phrases.

"I guess "problem drinker." But that's..." Frank said as he asked what is this question got to do with Brian.

Thank you. "Sexual deviant" or "magic picture that you stare at till you see something"? Lawyer asked Peter about describing Brian in tow phrases.

"Sexual deviant," but that other one's... Peter said as he asked what is this question got to do with Brian.

"Thank you. Isn't it true that you told my client, Carter Pewterschmidt, that Brian is a menace to society and should never be allowed to see his children?" Lawyer asked them about Brian is a menace to society and should never be allowed to see his children.

All the people gasping

As Frank begin to freaky as Carter Nods at him to say yes, while Lois nods the option of no, and Linda Blair from The Exorcist is at Brian's trial, and does her famous 360-degree head-turning and vomiting. As Frank turns to Brian as he see that he need to do the right thing. Frank and Peter talk to each for a bit as they made their decision.

As Suspenseful instrumental music playing.

"Brian should be allowed to see his puppies!" Frank and Peter said as they backs out at the last second and states that Brian deserves to see his puppies.

Frank, Peter, think about what you're doing. Carter said.

"We are. Your Honor, Brian'll be a great dad. Hell, if i was half the parent Brian is, I know that Chris's favorite ice cream is..." Peter said as the trial, to prove that Brian is a competent father, Peter mentions things that he cannot remember about his children.

"Chocolate-chip." Brian and Frank said together.

"And Stewie's favorite bedtime story is..." Peter said

"Goodnight, Moon." Brian and Frank said together.

"And Meg and Persephone's real father's name is..." Peter:

"Stan Thompson and Vegeta Briefs." Brian and Frank said together.

When the latter statement is mentioned, Meg and Persephone were seen listening to music, unaware of the truth.

"I've heard enough. I do believe that Brian would be a successful parent. However, if he was to repeat his actions at the dog track he would be setting a bad example for his puppies. Therefore, I grant Brian custody with the condition that he be neutered first." Judge said as It is decided by the judge that in order to have custody of his puppies, he must get neutered.

"Yeah! You did it, buddy! Congratulations! Oh, man! What does "neutered" mean?" Peter said as he hugs Brian while he was in a state of shocked, Peter asked Frank about "neutered" meaning.

Now we join the family at the Quahog Animal clinic with a message saying "Euthanasia 2 for 1 with coupon as Seabreeze was in labor.

"You're almost there, Seabreeze. Oh, and, also, I didn't bring this up before, but promise me you won't eat any of them." Brian said as he asked her not to eat the puppies.

"You know, Brian, it occurs to me that this is like a Greek tragedy where a man must choose between himself and his children. Of course, you'll be playing the role of Sans Tentacles." Carter said as he brags that he might lose the puppies but he'll get Brian's balls.

"We're ready for you, down the hall." Veternarian said about the other for Brian's other appointment.

"Are you sure you want to go through with this, Brian? Because you could have puppies with another dog. Oh, maybe with a condor! Then you'd have flying puppies. Would you like that, Brian? Flying puppies?" John and Tyler said as they are trying to save Brian and his balls.

"No, Guys. Those puppies in there are mine. And I'll give anything to be with them. Anything." Brian said as he does anything for his kids.

"I am not looking forward to what you'll be like once they do this to you." Frank Jr said as he set a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see a morbidly obese Brian eating chocolates.

"I love chocolate! But I can't eat it, because then I'll get fat. But it's so good!" Brian exclaimed as Peter looks at him all weird.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"Are you ready, Brian?" Veternarian said.

"I guess so." Brian said Just as Brian almost goes under the knife, Lois appears at the hallway.

"Stop! Brian, come quick! Lois said as they ran to the room with Seabreeze. he, Lois, and Peter discover that the puppies are born, but they don't resemble Brian.

"Oh, my God! Those aren't my puppies!" Brian said.

"Well, then whose are they?" Peter asked anybody.

As the puppies All barking while they resemble Ted Turner.

"You! You're a whore! A filthy, filthy whore!" Carter said in shocked as he accuses Seabreeze of being a whore and abandons her.

"You must be so relieved." Lois said as Brain gets to keep his balls.

"Well, actually, I was kind of looking forward to being a dad." Brian said as he hope on being a parent someday.

"Don't worry. There'll be other chances." Frank said as he sees a future with Brian Having two wifes and a litter of kids with one of the being Human.

As Peter, Lois, Frank, Frank Jr and Brian goes home with his testicles intact through the hallway.

You know what's funny? I always thought that dogs laid eggs. And I learned something today. Frank Jr said as he tells his lesson, they made it towards the exist.

Now closing theme music play as the chapter fades to black.

 **Chapter ends**

 **I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thanking for pen123 and Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas. Also Doc X me if you want to help with scenes for next chapter because I need the ideas.**


	15. Chapter 42:Frank Jr, Grandson, Son, Bro?

**Chapter 42: Frank Mallque Jr, Husband, Father, Brother?**

In the opening segment, Peter watches Dennis Miller Live.

"I don't want to go on a rant here but America's foreign policy makes about as much sense as Beowulf having sex with Robert Fulton at the first Battle of Antietam. I mean, when a neo-conservative defenestrates it's like Raskolnikov filibuster deoxymonohydroxinate." Dennis Miller said as he's use of multi-syllabic words and obscure historical references.

"What the hell does "rant" mean?" Peter: said as its Ironically, the word Peter has trouble with is "rant".

 **Opening Credits**

 _It seems today that all ya see_

 _Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

 _But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

 _On which we used to rely_

 _Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

 _Lucky there's a man who_

 _Positively can do_

 _All the things that make us_

 _Laugh n' Cry_

 _He's_

 _a_

 _Fam_

 _-ily_

 _Guy!_

 **End**

As our story stars with the Mallque/Griffin family at buddy cianci junior high school, they at the gym watching a basketball game.

"Go, Dust Mites!" Lois shouted for the team.

"I wish they'd put Chris in already." Peter said as he wants Chris on the court play.

"Pops, relax. It's his first game." Frank reassures him that the team will Chris on the court when the time is right.

As two players smash into each other, the ref Whistle they plays to stop.

"Griffin, get in there!" Coach said as he sends Chris into the game.

"They're sending him in. Yay, Chris!" Tyler shouted for Chris.

"Atta boy, Chris!" John said as he cheers for Chris.

As Chris enters the court to only wipe the sweat out of the floor.

"Hey, that's my son out there. I taught him how to wipe." Peter said to tom tucker who he was seated next to him.

"Why won't you teach me how to wipe, Dad?" Jake Tucker asked his father.

"Because you don't have a bottom, son." Tom Tucker answer him while Jake whined.

As chris returns to the bench while getting high fives by his fellow teammates.

"You and that towel are representin'." Boy said as he fist bumps with Chris.

"Yo, that sweat's just frightened, G!" Chris said something street.

As the pause at half-time, the cheerleaders enter the court.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Buddy Cianci Junior High cheerleaders. Announcer:

"Is everybody pumped up? Gimme a D-U-S-T!" Cindi shouted on top of the pyramid.

"D-U-S-T" Crowd repeated what Cindi said.

"M-I-T-E-S!" Cindi shouted on top of the pyramid.

"M-I-T-E-S!" Stewie repeated what Cindi said.

"What does that spell?" Cindi shouted as she asked what those that spell.

"Dust Mites!" Stewie shouted as he repeated what Cindi said.

"Who's gonna win this game?" Cindi shouted on top of the pyramid.

"Dust Mites! My God, what-what just happened to me? It's those sirens. They have us all under their spell, like that hypnotist at the Airport Hilton." Stewie said as he believes they have mind control powers, having seen them pump up the audience, including himself, while he sets a cutaway.

 **Cutaways**

We see Brian and Stewie…kissing each other on the mouth in front of an audience.

"...and three!" the hypnotist shouted.

"Oh, wow! Were we just hypnotized?" Brian asked.

"Well, that's incredible. I don't remember a thing. Why do I taste crotch?" Stewie asked.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Now back at game, as stewie is trying to figure out how those cheerleaders control him.

"I must unlock the secret to their mind-control powers." Stewie said.

"Lois, can we go now? I'm starving." Peter said as he whine that he wants to go home.

"The game's almost over, Peter. Try to think about something else." Lois said as she wants to watch the game.

Now Crowd cheering, The part at the basketball game where Peter imagines being alone with Cindi, as Sexy instrumental music and watches her try to seduce him with the sexy music in the background parodies a scene in the film American Beauty. Both scenes end with the cheerleaders unzipping their shirts. However, fried chicken humorously flies out of Cindi's shirt instead of lush rose petals like Angela's.

"Peter!" Lois said as she tries to get peter off her hair form him eating it.

"Oh, sorry." Peter said in apology.

Now we zoom in at the family car as Peter driving home.

"Nice job out there tonight, Chris." Frank said as he pats Chris back in celebration for Chris's wiping skills.

"You wiped the floor with that towel." Peter congratulates his son on a job at the game.

Yo! Did y'all check me when that hottie was all up in my Kool-Aid? Yeah, Chris was lookin' to break off a little somethin'-somethin' but his crew gave him the 411 on that skank and she's all about the bling-bling. Frank Jr said as he starts talking "street".

As peter stops the car as everyone shocked by the stop.

"What's wrong?" Lois asked Peter on what going on.

"He's speaking in tongues, Lois! Our Grandson is possessed! Tyler, start at Psalm 41 and don't stop reading until I tell you! The power of Christ compels you!" Peter said as he throws holy water at Frank Jr to expel the demon inside.

As Frank screams, he was freaky on why his Grandpa thinks he has a demon inside him.

"The power of Christ compels you!" Peter tries to perform an exorcism, similar to that in the classic 1973 horror film The Exorcist.

"Pops, stop! He's not possessed." Frank said as he stops peter.

"Yeah, he's just talking street. Lots of kids do it." Meg said as she explains that her son has adopted another culture's mannerisms since everyone is doing it.

"Oh. Well, that's kind of weird." Peter said as he continued to drive the car.

"Peter, it's just a phase. You've gone through a few yourself." Lois said as she explain phase come and go in life. Peter has gone through them as well.

"Like those two weeks you spent with Frank Jr as he narrating your own life." Brian said as he sets a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

"I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. I looked with a grimace at the questionable meal Lois had placed in front of me. Of course, I'd never tell her how disgusted I was with her cooking, but somehow I think she knew. Lois had always been full of energy and life but lately I had begun to grow more aware of her aging. The bright, exuberant eyes that I had fallen in love with were now beginning to grow dull and listless with the long fatigue of a weary life" Frank Jr narrates Peter's life as they enters the kitchen for dinner, but as he talks, it makes Lois very angry. She punches Peter afterwards.

"I awoke several hours later in a daze" Frank Jr continues while it is nighttime in the same bed as Lois. While Peter awakes up from his coma.

 **Cutaway Ends**

As Rap music playing

 **Rapper**

 _I was brought up on the streets, no moms and dads I had to fend for myself with my own two hands But today I'm hurtin' and I'll tell you why I got a hangnail_

 **Backup rappers**

 _Hangnail!_

 **Rapper**

 _Hanging from my cuticle A hangnail_

 _ **Backup rappers**_

 _Hangnail!_

 _ **Rapper**_

 _It ain't beautiful It hurts like a bitch that I did last night_

"Hey Chris and Frank Jr, whatcha doing?" Frank Peter said as they came at the kitchen to grab some drinks from the refrigerator.

"Just laying back in the cot peepin' at this here homey." Chris answer them in street laugange.

"Yo, Pops and Grandpops! Let me have some cheddar. Some player-hater be throwin' salt in my game grillin' me over my gear. And I needs to be mackin' style!" Frank Jr said as he wants money since people just dis him.

"Well, uh, the important thing is you tried, son." Peter said as he and Frank walk away.

Now we join in stewie as he begins following cheerleaders and listening to their conversations to learn about their techniques, eventually adopting their ways.

"There they are. Very well. And now to infiltrate this coven and learn their mind-control secrets. Just need to get their attention." Stewie said as he listens in on the cheerleaders.

"Okay. That was much better. But it still sucked worse than anything I've ever seen! What's wrong with you guys?" Cindi said as they finish theire routing as they suck again.

As Disco music play, stewie was dance on the wood table as he infiltrate their group by dancing for them.

"Look how cute he is!" Cheerleader 1 comments stewie's cuteness.

"He must be a teacher's baby." Cheerleader 2 said as she thoughts Stewie was one of the teachers baby.

"He wants to be a cheerleader, too." Cheerleader 1 said as she wants him on the team.

"My, so it's that easy to win you over! Consider yourselves lucky I'm not after your gully holes." Stewie said as he is in the team.

As we join Frank and Peter at the drunken clam complain for Chris and Frank Jr behavior.

"Then Chris and Frank Jr starts in with all this "yo, yo, yo" stuff and I don't know what they's talkin' about. So I started beating them with a hose, then my arm got tired, so I came here." Peter said as he explains what he did to the boys while franks himself for letting it happen.

"Peter, Frank, perhaps the boys has adopted another culture's mannerisms because he doesn't know enough about his own." Cleveland said as he suggestion, Peter tries to get Chris to connect with his Irish ancestry at the Museum of Irish Heritage.

"Aw, gee, I never thought of that. You know, we should teach Our boys about their Irish roots. Besides, we haven't spent any time together since we played Operation." Frank

 **Cutaway**

"I'm going for the "funny bone," Guys" Chris said.

"Oh, you touched the sides." Frank Jr said as he likes playing this game.

"Oh, jeez, He's waking up. Let's get him back to the bus station" Peter warned as we see them playing Operation using a sleeping hobo.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Now we join Frank, Peter, Chris and Frank Jr going to the Museum of Irish heritage.

"Dad, we don't want to be here." Chris said he doesn't want to be here.

"I want to be chillin' with my homeys." Frank Jr said as he being drag by his dad.

"Now, Boys, it's important you learn about your Irish heritage." Frank said as they pass an attraction of "A day in the life of an Irish man!"

As an Animatronic Irish man dink his beer as his Animatronic Irish woman 1[Mechanized nonsensical speech until he slap her then the process begins again.

Then they went to an attraction of "A day in the life of an Irish woman!"

As an Animatronic Irish woman prays while in Mechanized nonsensical speech until she gives birth to an Animatronic Irish baby, it crying and then the process begins again.

Now they observe tableaus of Irish life and find that Ireland was a much more advanced civilization prior to the invention of whiskey.

"Ancient archeological evidence indicates that Ireland was a much different place before the discovery of alcohol. Most experts believe it was something like this." Speaker said as he show a visual of what Ireland look it in past before whiskey.

As flying cars whizzing as Ireland was a much more advanced civilization prior to the invention of whiskey. We then join Irish scientist work on something their lab.

"Gentlemen, today, we, Ireland's top scientists, have found a way to convert our entire population to pure energy!" Irishman 1 said as they have found a way to convert our entire population to pure energy.

"It's a glorious day." Irishman 2 said as Irish scientist runs in with few bottles.

"Hey! Michael McCloud's just invented a new kind of beverage in his basement." Irishman 3 said as he pass the bottles to his follow scientist

"Hmmm, whiskey." Irishman 1 said as he takes a drink form the bottle.

As they Rowdy drunken yelling, they beat the shit out of each other.

Now we join Frank, Peter, Chris and Frank Jr going to the Quahog Public Library.

"You were right, Guys. Being Irish rocks!" Chris said as he and Frank Jr enjoy themselves about their roots.

"That's more like it, boys. Now, today we're gonna learn about the Griffin and Mallque family history." Peter said as they reach the entrance.

"What's a library, Dad?" Frank Jr asked his father.

"Oh, it's just a place where homeless people come to shave and go BM. Let's go inside." Frank said they enter the library.

As they read books anything Frank Jr and Chris found something about their family in the genealogical section of the Quahog Public Library.

"Look, Dad! I found this book on our genealogy!" Frank said as Chris pass the books on their families' genealogy.

"Way to go, Boys! Hey, look. Here's a picture of your great-great-granddad, Osias Griffin. He owned one of the first dozen telephones. Peter said as it show his great great grandfather.

 **Cutaway**

We see Osias Griffin standing up to answer a telephone from his couch.

"Hello?" Osias answered.

"Hello, Jonathan?" the caller asked.

"No, what number are you calling?" Osias wondered.

"Seven" the caller answered.

"No. This is three" Osias corrected.

"Ooh, sorry" the caller apologized.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"Here's my great-great-granddad, Richard Lee Mallque. He was Half Irish and Half Asian, and he was the one who taught the Irish how to fight." Frank said as he show them a picture of his ancestor.

 **Cutaway**

We see Richard Lee Mallque in a bar's basement teach the Irish how to fight.

"Okay, here's the rules, nobody talks about fight?" Richard Lee said the first rules in fight club.

"Aye!" the Irish cheered.

"And nobody call their wife on where they are ion fight club or they died!" Richard Lee said the next rule.

"Hello dear, what that well, I'm in fight…." the caller try to answer until somebody kill him.

"Seriously guy, they must never know what we doing, but who kill this guy anyway?" Richard Lee asked everyone.

"Ooh, sorry" Osias apologized.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"And Osias's great-grandpa was Thomas Griffin, a great philosopher." Peter said as he show a man sitting on a chair.

 **Cutaway**

We see Thomas sitting as his wife carrying their baby arrived.

"Thomas, would you please go look for a job?" she asked.

"Why?" Thomas asked in a philosophical tone.

 **Cutaway Ends**

And here his great-grandpa was Gozard Mallque, a great sage to Japans first emperor." Frank said as he show a picture of a man sitting at temple hall.

 **Cutaway**

We see Gozard sitting as his wife carrying their baby arrived.

"Gozard, need to leave since the white people are converting our?" she asked.

"Why?" Gozard asked in a sage tone.

"Because they are killing our samurai in cold blood!" she answer and he ran toward his room, he pack his things as he said, "bitch, we out!"

As they fleed in the mist of night, they sneak towards a boat that we lead them to America since he had connection.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"Wow, that's cool! Go back even further, Grandpa, Dad." Frank Jr said as Chris gets more excited.

"Okay. Settle down, spaz. In 1840, Alexander "Alex" Mallque and Nathaniel "Nate" Griffin used to groom horses." Frank said as they move a page back on his book to reveal that both the Mallque family and the Griffin family have black ancestors

"What the hell? Holy crap! Me and Pops are black!" Frank and Peter shouted in panic.

Meanwhile back at Mallque/Griffin house, the family look over the book aswell.

"But Me and Frank can't be black." Peter said as they can't believe it.

"I gotta say, Peter, the men in this book does look an awful lot like you and Jake." Lois said as she to see the resembles.

"The diary of Nate Griffin." "May 7, 1836. Me and Alex were brushing down Lucy, the new colt, when she let out a fart right near my face. So Alex took her head and stuck it by my butt and blew a huge fart right back at her." Brian reading aloud

"He, he, he, he!" Frank and Peter both Laughs at that part.

"Ooh, that laugh's in here, too. See? He, he, he, he!" Brian said imitates Peter's laugh.

Wow. Then it's true. Frank said

"Cool! I get to be Asian, black and Irish!" Frank jr shout with Chris in excitement.

"Yeah, and now I can wear clothes that actually show off my big butt!" Meg said as Frank gets all horny by that response.

"Oh! I gotta tell Bonnie I'm sleeping with a black man!" Lois said as she rushes toward to bonnie's house.

As John look down at photo of Black version of himself and Persephone notice, she drags him to her bedroom. Now we join stewie at the high school hang with the cheerleaders.

"Oh, my God! Update! Exclam! Scott Martin just asked me out again!" Cheerleader said about asking a guy.

"Oh, my God! This is date number three. Are you gonna let him get to second base?" Cheerleader 2 said as she asked her fellow cheerleader about let him get to second base.

"I think that would be a bad idea, and I know something about bad ideas." Stewie said as he sets a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Stewie in a bar with OJ Simpson.

"I'm telling you, Juice. She's screwing around behind your back. And, if I were in your Bruno Maglis, I wouldn't stand for it. Another mai tai? Thanks. So, listen…" Stewie offered him advice.

 **Cutaway End**

"Here comes Scott!" Cheerleader 2 said as she tells her crew about Scott appears.

"Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!" Stewie said as he freaks out while Scotts pass by and smiles at them.

They All giggling as stewie brings out a tape-recorded to give a report.

"I have yet to discover the secret of their mind-control powers. Also, trying to comprehend their obsession with the homosexuals from 'NSYNC." Stewie said as he makes a note to himself to try to understand the cheerleaders' fixation with the "homosexuals" in the boy band 'N Sync.

As we join Frank and Peter walking towards Cleveland and Frank's Brother Menma working on their motorcycles.

"Hey, Cleveland, Menma, you two got a minute? I really need to talk to both of you." Peter said as Frank walk next to Menma.

"Sure. I was just going for a ride. Hop on." Cleveland said as they hop on the motorcycles.

"So, I found out we have black ancestors. Frank said siting in back of the Menma's motorcycle.

"Is that right? That means that I'm Black as Well, that's fantastic, Guys." Menma said as he drives his motorcycle.

"Yeah, but see, the problem is we got no idea how to be black...except for not smiling when we get our pictures taken." Peter said as he explain the rest of their problems.

"Well, Peter. It sounds like you should go out and mingle amongst your newly-found brethren. You know, absorb the culture. Wheelie time!" Cleveland said as they did a wheelies on their bikes.

As they Exuberant yelling and went on driving on the road.

"You know, you're right, Cleveland and Menma. Me and Frank should be hanging around more black people like ourselves. Thanks." Peter said as they reach light stop the biker vive rate.

"Hey! Peter, what the..." Cleveland said as he feels Peter dick.

"It's the vibration." Peter said his answer.

We join Frank and Peter watches a comedian who makes jokes about Jheri curl, an oily, glossy hairstyle worn by African Americans in the 1980s.

"Who here used to wear a lot of Jheri Curl? Yeah, that's right. Y'all know that Exxon Valdez thing? That ain't how it happened. Some brother just fell in the ocean." Black Comedian said the Joke as everyone black people in the audience was laughs at the Joke.

"God! I remember that. And all those seals died. It was all over the news. The Channel 2 news with Dan Rather. Although, I think Connie Chung might have been substituting for him." Peter said as he accidently ruin the joke and piss off everyone in the audience.

"Well, 'bout time for me to be hitting the ol' dusty trail. I like your hat. Can't get out that way." Frank said as he and peter are leave while trying to avoid everyone's stairs.

As the Alarm rings by accident by Frank and Peter.

"Found the emergency exit." Peter said from outside the background.

As we join the duo at The university of Quahog, they were in African American studies class, The professor mentions Thurgood Marshall's 1967 appointment to the Supreme Court.

"1967 was the same year that Thurgood Marshall was named to the Supreme Court of the United States." Professor said

"Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow!" Peter responds by "whooping," in a manner similar to audience members on The Arsenio Hall Show.

"Well, I should probably be saddling up now." Peter said as they walk away while trying to avoid everyone's stairs.

As the Alarm were rings, they were accidently turn on by Peter and Frank.

"Oh, found the fire door!" Peter said out of the background.

Now we join stewie at the bathroom looking at his weight.

"Look at how fat you are. You disgust me! Oink oink, fatty! Oh, yes, yes, you'll take butter on that English muffin, won't you? Because you're the cheerleading squad's token blimp. You don't deserve to eat." Stewie said as he puts his finger in his throut then rush to the toilet to vomit his weight.

Now we join Frank, Frank Jr and Peter with Cleveland at a meeting in the Quahog African American League.

"Hey, thanks for bringing us here, Cleveland." Peter said as he is glad to be here with Black people.

"I hope they don't remember what Grandpa did when he turn into a feminist!" Frank Jr said as they don't chase them for what peter did in "I Am Peter, Hear Me Roar!"

"Welcome. For our first order of business I believe Brother Cleveland has an announcement." Man said as he pass to Cleveland to make his announcement.

"Yesterday, I received reparations from the family that enslaved my ancestors." Cleveland said as he received reparations from the family that enslaved my ancestors

"Amen! Right on!" Crowd shouted.

"Now, the family has become poor white trash since then. So they only gave what they could-this tray of scrumptious Rice Krispie Treats. I share them with all of you in the hopes that one day your wounds may be healed as well." Cleveland said as he pass over the Rice Krispie Treats to everyone starting with his Nephew, Frank Jr.

"Amen. Right on." Crowd cheered as one black spots Frank, Frank Jr and Peter.

"Why is he taking one?" Man:

Cleveland: Oh, this guys are my friends, Frank G Mallque, His son Frank G Mallque Jr and his father in law, Peter Griffin. They recently discovered that they were black.

"He doesn't look very black to me." Man 2 said as Frank Jr Trying to convince the group of black men that He and his father and grandfather were one of them, They borrows heavily from a speech by 1972 Democratic presidential candidate George McGovern. However, instead of referencing various incidents in the civil rights movement, they mentions episodes of 1970s/1980s sitcoms with black characters

"Gentlemen, please, please. Judge me not by the color of my skin. For I have always been there with you. I was there when George and Weezy moved on up to the East Side." Frank Jr said as he referencing The Jeffersons.

"Oh, hallelujah! Those were happy times! But, I was also there for the bad times. When Florida lost James to that tragic auto accident." Frank said as he referencing Good Times.

"And I was there when Tootie got those terribly painful braces! Oh, yes! And when Arnold Jackson got beat up by the Gooch, I was there." Peter said as he referencing The Facts of Life and Diff'rent Strokes.

"So before you decide that I don't belong here, remember this-We were there!" Frank Jr said as the Crowd cheering, they also took photographs

"Way to go, Peter! You tell it like it is!" Cosby Kid name Dumb Donald said as Frank, Frank Jr and Peter were cheered on by the junkyard gang from the cartoon Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids, although the title character is not among them but with John and Tyler dress as Fat Albert.

Now we join the rest of the Mallque and Griffin as they were visited by Carter and Barbara Pewterschmidt.

"Now, Chris, this one's for you. What's the secret to happiness?" Carter asked Chris about the secret to happiness.

"Money!" Chris said as he got right.

"Very good. Babs, give him a caramel." Carter said as Barbara gives Chris a caramel. He then ran up a tree and he ate the caramel like a squirrel.

"Hey hey hey." Frank Jr said his greeting as fat albert, he and peter and Frank enter their home.

"Hey, Lois, what are your parents doing here?" Peter asked her on why her parents are here.

"Oh, they surprised us with a visit after I told them about your recent discovery." Lois said as they enter the room.

"Yes. Peter, Frank, we hear you're both Negros now." Barbara said as she now knows that Frank and Peter are black now.

"Yep. I even got my own posse. Hey, Big Dog, T-Bone, Shades, you guys go make yourself some sandwiches. We'll hook up later." Peter said as his posse leave toward the kitchen.

"My jacket's in the kitchen; please don't write on it." Carter said to them not to touch his jacket.

"Well, I think Frank Jr, Chris, Persephone and Meg should know the Pewterschmidt side of their ancestry, too. Kids, did you know the Pewterschmidts were among the first to colonize America?" Carter said as he takes book on the Pewterschmidt family history.

"Now, kids, don't be taken in by The Man. Stay black and proud." Frank and Peter said that they should stay black in proud, not rich and white.

"Here's your ancestor Silas Pewterschmidt bartering with some local Indians." Carter said as his show a picture showing Silas is one of the first to colonize America. He bartered with Native Americans by holding a knife to a baby's throat in exchange for maize, as seen in a photo album.

"Cool." Chris said.

"And here's a picture of...oh, never mind that one." Carter said as he pass a page.

"Wait. What was that?" Peter asked him about the page that he skip.

"Oh, that was nothing. Just some fellow we fed and took care of in exchange for doing a few chores." Carter said trying to make an excuses.

"You mean a slave! Let me see that! Oh, my God! It's Nate Griffin and Alex Mallque!" Peter said in shocked.

"Well, 'bout time for me to be hitting the ol' dusty trail." Carter said as he then rise up the couch to stretch.

"Grandma, your family owned my family and grandpa's family!" Frank Jr said in sadness.

"Daddy, is that true?" Lois asked her father if this historical event is true.

"Well, it appears so. Boy, this is pretty embarrassing!" Carter said.

"Yes, it is! And don't call me boy!" Peter said as he want his space.

"Peter, please calm down." Barbara said as she tries to calm peter down.

"Babs, I think it's time we went to bed. Things will look better in the morning. Come here, kids. Give Grandma and Grandpa a kiss goodnight." Carter said until he trips and rips off the curtains' and he accidently whips Peter.

"You can whip grandpa all you like, white devil, but you'll never break our spirit!" Frank Jr said it like a black man.

As Suspenseful music play, stewie was in the locker room.

"Damn! There must be some clue to the source of their mental-manipulation techniques." Stewie said as he looks in a locker and he start reading a book.

"Your Body and You." "Every four weeks for three to four days it's entirely normal for every young woman to..." Stewie reading aloud.

"Oh, my God! That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard in my life! Ugh!" Stewie said as he heard some noise as he hides in said locker.

"That totally sucked. You guys call yourselves cheerleaders? Well, I call you cheer-losers!" Cindi said as she complain that her team are bunch of losers.

"This Cindi is definitely the alpha of the group." Stewie said as he know that Cindi is the leader.

"And what happened with the pyramid? I almost broke my neck! Cindi said as she complains about breaking her neck.

"The pyramid! Of course! That must be the key to their power! Mission objective: Eliminate Cindi and take her place at the top of the pyramid." Stewie said as He concludes that the pyramid is their source of power, so he plots to get rid of Cindi to take her place at the top of the pyramid at the upcoming game.

"They're getting nude. No, I mustn't watch. It's not the proper thing to...I say! Nice ones, Jeanine. And look at Lisa in all of her curvaceous glory. Heavens, it appears my wee-wee has been stricken with rigor mortis." Stewie said as he gets horny as he notices that he is getting a boner.

As we join the family eating breakfast, as Frank Jr and Peter enter the room with new clothes.

"Good morning." Peter said his good mornings to everyone.

"Peter, Frank Jr, what on earth are you two wearing?" Lois asked them on what they are wearing.

"It's a dashiki. And don't call me Frank Jr. That's my slave name. From now on, call me Kichwa Tembo." Frank Jr said as he adopts a new name.

"Cool. And I'll be Mambutu O'Malley!" Chris said as he adopt a new name as well.

"Frank Jr..." Carter asked Frank Jr to come at the Living room.

"Kichwa!" Peter shouted Frank Jr's new name as he follows Frank Jr to the living room.

I'd like to have a word with you. Frank Jr, I think... Carter said as he tries to apologies to him since Frank Jr is his great grandchild.

"Kichwa!" Peter shouted Frank Jr's new name.

"Kichwa, we're both sensible men. There must be something I can do to make things right with you." Carter said as he tries to g

"Actually, there is. I want reparations just like Cleveland got." Frank Jr said as he demands reparations from Carter

"What the hell are you talking about?" Carter asked them on what they asking.

"We want an apology and some Rice Krispie Treats." Peter said.

"Well, I absolutely will not give you an apology and I'm assuming "Rice Krispie Treats" is black slang for money. So, here's $10,000. I expect you never to mention this ugly business again." Carter said who gives him $20,000 never to mention the matter again.

"$10,000?" Peter and Frank Jr said in shocked for getting a lot of money.

"Not enough? Fine. Make it $20,000. How do you spell Kichwa?" Carter said as he raised the price.

"Yeah, you know what? Screw the Kichwa. Make it out to Frank Jr. F-R-A-N..." Frank Jr said as he accepts the money.

Now we join in at channel 5 news with Tom tucker.

"This just in. Slave-owner descendent, Carter Pewterschmidt has paid $20,000-or 2,000,000 pennies-in reparations to a local black men. We now go live to the local black man." Tom Tucker said as he tunes in to Frank Jr and Peter give their announcement.

"Well, the money helps but I'll always feel my ancestors' pain." Frank Jr said what he said to the people.

"Hey, from down there does it look like I'm talking into a bunch of robot penises?" Peter said as he makes a joke with bad taste.

Back at Griffin house

"Hey, Lois, come in here and see what I did with the money your dad gave me." Peter said as Lois enter the room.

"Oh, my God! You turned the den into Pee-Wee's Playhouse?" Lois said as she saw Peter squanders the money to convert the living room into a replica of Pee-Wee's Playhouse.

 **Peter**

 _C'mon get up!_

 _Knock off your nappin'_

 _It's a crazy messed up place where anything can happen_

 _There's a chair that freakin' talks, hey look!_

 _There's some fish that give advice, holy crap!_

 _It's screwy in Peter's Playhouse, heheheheh!_

"Peter..." Lois said as she is piss off on Peter

"Wait. Watch this, watch this. Hey, Jambi! Okay, say it." Peter said as he convinces Brian to play the genie Jambi.

"Mekka-lekka-hi, mekka-hiney... God, I hate you so much." Brian said as he hates playing this guy.

"Peter, that reparation money should be going to a worthy black charity." Lois said as she try to convince him to use the money that frank Jr got should be going to a worthy black charity.

"Lois, the King of Cartoons will be here in five minutes and I will not have you embarrass me." Peter said.

"You're acting ridiculous!" Lois shouted as everyone was screams when Lois says the "secret word".

"Aah! You said the secret word!" Peter said as the secret word was said by Lois.

As we join Peter and Frank drive on the road until they hears Sirens wailing.

"Uh-oh." Peter said as he pulls over as a Police Officer comes to the window.

"Hey, you're those black guys I saw on the news conference, ain't ya?" Police Officer asked them.

"Uh, yeah, that's Us." Peter said as the Police Officer made things that were racist.

"This is Car 15; I'm gonna need backup. I got a stolen vehicle here." Police Officer said as he made a fake report about their car being stolen.

"But this is our car." Frank said but it gets much worse.

"Suspect's getting belligerent." Police Officer said as he makes more fake reports about them.

"What?" Peter and Frank said in question.

"Officer down." Police Officer said as he falls on the floor, then Police cars surrounds them.

Now we join them at the quahog as Frank sees Jenny Murdock, who is a mellow version of Meg (Except she's skinnier, at the age of 21 and has a beautiful nose) She's related to the Pewtersmitz on the maiden side of the family, works as a secretary at the Quahog Police Department, she already meets Lois at the hospital in 'Emission: Impossible' though it's not shown.

"Hey frank, what happened?" Jenny asked what happened to him.

"We just found out that we are black and Peter squanders the money to convert the living room into a replica of Pee-Wee's Playhouse, which angers Lois and me as well!" Frank said as he kick peter in the balls.

"Hey!" Peter said in pain as they enter into the interrogation room.

"Wait that means my two daughters are black too! Maybe I should tell Frank about my girls being his daughters, maybe next time!" Jenney thought as she goes to her work.

Now we join Frank, Frank Jr with Cleveland at a meeting in the Quahog African American League.

"So, it's agreed. We'll keep on pretending to like pig's feet simply to confound the white man." Man said as peter enter the hall.

"Sorry I'm late, you guys. The white man was making me his bitch. What? Oh, oh, sorry, his biatch." Peter said as he look that everyone is piss off.

"Peter, we know about your selfish squandering of Frank Jr reparation money. I shared mine. You, however, have not let Frank Jr a chance to given nothing back to the community. Cleveland said as Frank told them since he doesn't want to be a part of being kick out by his people.

"That's not true. I've brought you the greatest gift of all. A child's laughter." Peter said as he laughing but nobody was laughing.

"Peter, I think you should go." Cleveland said as he tells him to leave.

"Yeah, I'm going." Peter said as he leaves the hall.

While Crowd cheering at the game, Peter is ostracized by both the black and white communities.

"Hi, guys. Hey, how's it going?" Peter said as he was ignore by the black people.

"Jeez, Lois, no one wants to sit with me. It's like I'm a freakin' leper. Hey, can we sit there?" Peter said as he was trying to seat next to leper.

"No, these are saved." Leper said as Peter was ignore by the Leper.

Meanwhile the cheerleaders were in a frieze.

"Where is Cindi?" Cheerleader asked her fellow cheerleader on where cindi was.

"I don't know, but she'd better show up soon. It's almost halftime." Cheerleader 2 said as the halftime was about to start.

While Stewie kidnaps Cindi, binds her with rope, covers her mouth with duct tape, and hides her in the men's bathroom.

"You know, Cindi, I'd feel worse about this if you didn't spell your name with that insufferable "i" at the end. And that cockadoodie smiley face you use to do it! You sicken me! I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm not gonna hurt you." Stewie said as he threatens her and calm her down from going to far.

In the bathroom, Frank Jr was piss at Peter for the reparation money, until they soon hallucinates about Nate and Alex

As Frank Jr and Peter yells fright while seeing their black ancestors in the mirror.

"Hello, Frank Jr and Peter." Nate Griffin said as he greets them.

"Alex Mallque and Nate Griffin! Oh, my God! You're haunting me because I've been a terrible black man!" Peter said in agony as Frank Jr ran around in fright.

"Frank Jr, Peter, you two gotta stop putting so much importance on race. I know I didn't." Nate Griffin said as he who teaches him not to matter that he has a black ancestor.

"You didn't?" Peter said in shocked.

"No. If I had, would I have slept with your white great-great-great-great granny?" Nate Griffin said as he explain that he was black, he should have sex with their white great-great-great-great granny.

"No, I guess not." Frank Jr said as he now knows better.

"That's right, and I wouldn't have slept with her fine sister neither." Nate Griffin said as he brags that he slept with their great-great-great-great granny's hot sexy sister.

"You see, the most important thing is how a man acts. You know what I'm getting at?" Alex mallque said it import to a man is how they act.

"You think I should do something good with that reparation money." Peter said as he should do something right for once with the money like Frank Jr wanted.

"That'd be mighty fine, Peter." Nate Griffin said as he is proud of his descendent.

"I guess you're right." Peter said as he has plan to work on.

"Listen, for what it's worth, I'm sorry my grandmother's ancestors made you suffer." Frank Jr said as his apologies to them about what Lois's ancestors made them suffer.

"Oh, don't worry about me. If it makes you feel any better, we peed in their cereal every morning." Nate Griffin said as they laugh.

"He, he, he, he, he!" they all Laugh together.

"Well, so long, Frank Jr and Peter." Ales and Nate said their goodbyes

"Wait! Before you go-what's Heaven like?" Peter asked them about heaven

"It's fine. There's a shortage of chairs." Nate Griffin said even in heaven there are still racists.

"Oh." Peter said.

"Yeah. Take it easy, Frank Jr and Peter." Nate Griffin said as he and Alex fade leaving Frank Jr and Peter reflection remain.

We join the cheerleaders at the game to start the halftime cheer.

"Okay, well, we're just gonna have to go on without her." Cheerleader said as they start the cheer with Stewie Dressed as Cindi, he takes her position on top of the pyramid.

Give me a "D!" Stewie shouted at the crowed.

"D!" All the people repeated what stewie said.

"All right, that's enough of that. Now, there's a large hunting knife under each one of your seats. On my command, I want you to..." Stewie said as he attempts to control the audience, telling them to stab each other with knives. The pyramid falls and Stewie drops the megaphone.

"You idiots! I had them! Cindi was right. We need a lot more work." Stewie said as he agreed with Cindi

"Excuse me. Hi, I'm Peter Griffin. Listen, as many of you may know, I recently came into some money. Well, I don't really deserve it so me and my grandson decided to share it with our brothers!" Peter said as he picks it up the megaphone and announces to the audience that he realizes he made a mistake, and that he will be sharing the reparation money with his brothers, tossing the money onto the basketball court.

As Crowd cheering we see the black and white audience members grab the cash until Frank Jr stop the white audience members by shooting bullets in the celling.

"Okay drop the money, that's not yours" Frank Jr said threw the megaphone.

"Actually, we just meant the black guys." Peter said as the black audience members grab the money that the white people drop.

"Pops, that was very generous. Look how happy you've made everyone." Frank said as he and Lois rush in to hug both Frank Jr and Peter.

"Yeah, it just goes to show you, Lois." Peter said as he and Frank tell what they have learned.

"It doesn't matter if you're black or white. The only color that really matters is green." Frank Jr said that only money matters.

"Oh, Frank, Peter." Lois said as she kiss them.

"I wonder what happened to Cindi." Cheerleader asked her fellow cheerleader on where is cindi.

In the closing scene, Quagmire finds Cindi bound and gagged in the bathroom stall.

"Dear diary, Jackpot!" Quagmire said as he is delighted.

As the chapter ends with a Rap version of theme song!

 _ **Peter**_ _:_

 _Seems today..._

 _ **Backup Singers**_ _:_

 _Seems today..._

 _ **Peter**_ _:_

 _That all you see..._

 _ **Backup Singers**_ _:_

 _That all you see..._

 _ **Peter**_ _:_

 _Is violence in movies..._

 _ **Backup Singers**_ _:_

 _Violence in movies..._

 _ **Peter**_ _:_

 _And sex on TV..._

 _ **Backup Singers**_ _:_

 _Sex on TV..._

 _ **Peter**_ _:_

 _But where are those good old-fashioned values_

 _On which we used to rely?_

 _ **Backup Singers**_ _:_

 _Heeey..._

 _ **Peter**_ _:_

 _L-L-L-Lucky there's a Family Guy_

 _ **Backup Singers**_ _:_

 _Lucky there's a Family Guy_

 _ **Peter**_ _:_

 _Lucky there's a_

 _ **Backup Singers**_ _:_

 _Lucky there's a_

 _ **Peter**_ _:_

 _Lucky there's a_

 _ **Backup Singers**_ _:_

 _Lucky there's a_

 _ **Peter**_ _:_

 _Lucky there's a Family Guy_

 _ **Backup Singers**_ _:_

 _Lucky there's a Family Guy_

 _ **Peter**_ _:_

 _Lucky there's a_

 _ **Backup Singers**_ _:_

 _Lucky there's a_

 _ **Peter**_ _:_

 _Lucky there's a_

 _ **Backup Singers**_ _:_

 _Lucky there's a_

 _ **Peter**_ _:_

 _He's_

 _ **Backup Singer**_ _:_

 _Come on!_

 _ **Peter**_ _:_

 _A...Fam...ily..._

 _ **Peter and Backup Singers**_ _:_

 _Guuuuuuuuuuy!_

 _ **Backup Singer**_ _:_

 _Indahouse!_

 _Y'know!_

 _ **Backup Singers**_ _:_

 _Y'know! Y'know!_

 **Chapter ends**

 **I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thanking for pen123 and Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas. Also Doc X me if you want to help with scenes for next chapter because I need the ideas.**


	16. Chapter 43: Ready Willing and Disabled

**Chapter 43: Ready Willing and Disabled**

 **Opening Credits**

 _It seems today that all ya see_

 _Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

 _But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

 _On which we used to rely_

 _Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

 _Lucky there's a man who_

 _Positively can do_

 _All the things that make us_

 _Laugh n' Cry_

 _He's_

 _a_

 _Fam_

 _-ily_

 _Guy!_

 **End**

Now as the story with channel 5 with Tom tucker give the news.

"...Alan Adler, David Preslack, Julie Axlerod, Shep Sutton, Scott McCormack. And that concludes the list of people who were mean to me in junior high. Tomorrow, high school. Finally, we go to Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa for 60 seconds of filler." Tom Tucker said as we join Tricia Takanawa at Spooner Street with our favorite family and Friends.

"Thanks, Tom. I'm here on Spooner Street where several Quahog families are holding a car wash to raise money for an organ transplant for young Paul Lewis. So, what do you call this device, Paul?" Tricia Takanawa said as she interview a boy in an iron lung.

"It's an iron lung. It keeps me from dying. I want to play baseball!" Paul said as he wants to play baseball when he gets his lungs.

"And with me is one of Paul's classmates, Chris Griffin, who helped organize this charity event. You're a very thoughtful young man, Chris." Tricia Takanawa said as Chris organizes a car wash to raise money for a boy in an iron lung.

"Can I say hello to my mom?" Chris asked to say hello to his mom.

"Sure." Tricia Takanawa said as Chris turns towards Lois clean a car.

"Hi, Mom!" Chris shouted.

"Hi, sweetheart!" Lois said as she waves at her son.

Now we join the babies making their own car wash.

"Okay, so, you want the full wash and, uh...oh, you've got a nick there. I can probably get that out for you. Now, if you want to go with a scent, I've got PB & J, Sugar Cereal, and New Toy." Frank Jr said as he, Maddie, Rosie and Stewie were going to clean a child's tricycle.

"What the deuce?" Stewie said as he notices a clip full of money.

As he and the babies try to pick it up but Chris beat them to it.

"Hey, somebody dropped a money clip." Chris said as he looks at the money with John and Tyler.

"Wow! $26." Persephone said as she and her twin are amazing of the money.

"I've never seen so much money at one time!" Tyler said in amazement.

"What do you think should we do with it?" Frank Jr and John said as they asked on what they should do with the money.

"I say we buy $26 worth of ice cream and just pig out. Oh, We can dish, talk about who's getting fat. Oh, we'll just be great big bitches." Stewie said as he wants ice cream.

"Dibs on the chocolate!" Tyler said as he jumps everywhere like a looney toons.

"Hold on, kids. That's not your money yet. The law says you guys gotta put up signs and wait two weeks for someone to claim it. If no one does, it's yours. Ah, lunch is here." Joe said as he tells the kids they should post a sign about the money, a carhop brings him an enormous side of ribs, a la the opening of "The Flintstones." This scene refers to a similar Flintstones episode where Wilma made Fred put an ad in the paper for money he supposedly found.

"Everyone, we've reached our goal! It looks like somebody's gonna live to see puberty." Lois said as she raise the jar of money for a boy in an iron lung. When a thief wearing a Jimmy Carter mask steals the proceeds.

"My God! That man just took our money!" John shouted as the man ran away with the money.

"What man?" Joe and zeke asked John about the man.

"He was wearing a Jimmy Carter mask like that robber in that Keanu Reeves movie." Lois explains that the man had a jimmy carter mask.

"The Matrix?" Zeke said the movie with jimmy carter mask.

"No, no, no. It wasn't that recent. It was the one where they were jumping out of a plane..." Lois explain another movie with that mask.

"Executive Decision?" Joe said another movie.

"No, that was with Kurt Russell. But the other guy in this movie, he kind of looks Kurt Russell..." Lois explain that the mask look like Kurt Russell.

"He's getting away!" Meg said as the man was getting away.

"Don't worry. He won't get far." Joe said as he and zeke transformers the wheelchair into a swat car as Siren wails from their chair.

"Stop! Police!" Joe/zeke shouted as they chase him down town on top of chairs until the made to a fence. The man drops the money into joe's hands, they stared each other as their chase continues while Dramatic instrumental music playing in the background.

As Zeke and Joe Gasping for breath as the man escapes, they return to the neighborhood.

"Joe, what happened?" Peter asked his friend on happened.

"We got the money." Joe said as everyone cheered.

"All right, Joe!" Peter said as he congratulates him.

"But we lost the perp." Zeke said as they wine at their lose.

"Well, the money's the important thing. Now little Paul can get his..." Meg said until Lois interrupted her.

"Point Break! That was the movie!" Lois said the name of the movie.

Meanwhile at the drunken clam, the gang was all here to give a toast to Joe and zeke victory.

"Here's to Joe and zeke, who helped little Paul get a new liver and, barring a massive infection, a new lease on life." Cleveland said as he gives a toast to them.

As we join Frank and his crew drink while zeke freaks out.

"Don't you understand? I lost the perp! I lost the perp! My dad is going to cry and it's going to be awkward!" Zeke said as we zoom in thoughts Joe.

Now Joe Sobbing and Screaming as Cleveland, Menma and Negi sneaky away by steps. Then Rage, Zeke and Quagmire roll out on the floor to escape Joe. Finally Peter and Frank escape by window while peter only comes back for his beer as they all leave Joe to cried.

Meanwhile Meg, Persephone, John, Tyler, Stewie and Chris were putting up sign for the money, which included Chris stapled one of the signs into a person. Now we join them in the living room.

"So, um, the $26 would probably be safe in my room." Persephone said until Stewie scuffs the idea.

"Right. It'd probably get lost among the pinups of Justin Timberlake, and Tom Cruise, and... Blast! Who the devil do the teenagers like? Morgan Freeman." Stewie said as both John and Tyler roll their eyes by that comment.

"Well, we can't keep it in my room because there's an evil monkey that lives in my closet." Chris said as the Evil monkey regularly tormented Chris, which had become a running-gag in the series.

"You know, the sad part is, I think he wasn't always evil." Frank Jr said as he walks in while he set up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We join The Evil Monkey when he wasn't evil, upon returning home from work.

"Honey, good news! I made partner!" Evil Monkey said.

As he walked up to his bedroom to find her cheating on him with another monkey, they screech at each other and Evil Monkey points his finger at her.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Now we join Frank and Peter at the kitchen eating some sandwiches.

"Frank, Peter, Bonnie says Zeke and Joe's been really depressed about that robbery. Why don't you two go talk to them?" Lois said as she asked them to help the Swanson's.

"I don't know. There's a game on." Peter said as his angle self appear.

"Shame on you! You march right over there, and cheer your old friend up!" Angel Peter said as he sets Peter on the right path until the devil shows up.

"Don't listen to that sissy. Grab a beer and watch the game." Devil Peter said as he is making peter lazy.

"Yeah. That sounds good." Peter said until a gunshot killed peter's devil self.

"Oh, my God!" Peter said until he notice that it was Frank Jr's angle self ewho fired that shot.

"Now, get your fat asses over to Joe's!" Angel Frank Jr said as threatens both peters.

"Look, buddy, I..." Peter said as he tries to calm the kid down until he fires again.

"Move!" Angel Peter shouted as he was on Angle Frank Jr's firing range.

"All right. Just take it easy, just take it easy, man. Everything's cool. Hey, buddy." Peter said as he and angle peter walk towards the door with a gun pointed at there heads.

Now we join Frank and Peter entering Joe's room.

"Hey buddy!" Frank and Peter said as they open the door.

"Close the door! I don't want to see the light." Joe said as he covers his face from the light.

"Come on, Joe. Cheer up, huh? Hey, what do you say you and me go roller-skate...bike ride...jump rope...go lay on the grass?" Peter said as he was trying to not mention his chair and broken legs while trying to cheer him up.

"Guys, the other day was the first time we've ever lost a perp. It was also the first time My dad ever really felt handicapped." Zeke said as the next news will shocked the viewers.

"I've made up my mind about this. I'm quitting the force." Joe said as Frank and Peter gasp in shocked.

"Oh, come on, Joe. You don't have to quit the force. I mean, you could get a desk job. You could be a desk." Peter said as he tries to stop joe from quiting.

"Forget it! I'm washed up." Joe said as we tune in to channel 5 news

"In local news, Quahog will soon play proud host to the Special People's Games. If you and/or a friend are disabled and would like to challenge yourself and raise your self-esteem, sign up today!" Tom Tucker said as he announcing an event that's happing in quahog for special people.

"Zeke, Joe, that's it! You got to compete in the Special People's Games." Frank said as they should enter joe in the special people's games.

"Gosh! I-I don't know, Frank and peter. Do you two really think I can?" Joe said as he feels nerves.

"Hey, I'm the guy that believed you could be a desk. Come on! we'll even be your coach!" Peter said as he joins the joe team.

"All right! Let's do it!" Joe sadi as they all high five in the air.

"Coming up in this half hour, our undercover expose on conveniently placed news reports in television shows. But first, Peter, look out for that skateboard." Tom Tucker said as Frank Jr walks in until he trips on said skateboard.

Now we join Frank, zeke, Peter and Joe at the gym working out while John and Tyler dress as Finneaous and Barnaby, they are on tandem bikes.

"Had a bit of a row with a fellow in the steam room." John said

"You don't say!" Tyler asked.

"Gave him a cauliflower ear." John said

"Bully!" Tyler cheered.

Now we join Peter and Joe lifting weights.

"Come on! Come on! Two more." Frank and Peter said as they pushes Joe to do more weight.

"Guys, you're pushing me too hard." Joe said as he returns the weight back.

"Trust me, Joe. we know physical fitness. Me and Frank was in Richard Simmons' Sweatin' to Books on Tape." Peter

 **Cutaway**

We see Peter and Frank working out with Richard Simmons in a workout session.

"The Red Sox were in town. But I didn't care because it was Tuesday, and I was on my way to see Morrie. He couldn't go to the bathroom by himself anymore. But his indomitable spirit…" Mitch Albom narrated as the people continue to workout.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Now Frank, Zeke, Peter and Joe are in the doctor's waiting room.

"So, how does he check out, Doc? Is my boy ready to compete?" Peter asked Dr. Hartman.

"Um, I don't quite know how to tell you this, Mr. Swanson. You're paralyzed from the waist down." Dr. Hartman said that Joe can't walk.

"we know." Zeke said.

"Oh, thank God! Oh, God, I was standing out there for, like, 10 minutes! Boy, is that a load off!" Dr. Hartman said as the gang walk away from that bad joke.

Now we join the gang at Mort's phanency.

"Mort, Joe here's gonna be competing in the Special People's Games. You got anything that might give him extra juice?" Frank asked Mort to give them something that will give Joe a little boost.

"You mean steroids? But, Frank, Peter, haven't you seen what happens to those ladies on ESPN2? They get big hair faces, and their breasts become like flapjacks!" Mort said as he thinks that they asked for steroids.

"we were thinking more like a protein shake." Frank said as they were talking about healthy shakes.

"Oh, God, I'm sorry! Aisle 3, next to the creams. Ooh, I don't like saying that word." Mort said as he shivers by saying the part next to the creams.

Now we join Chris and Stewie watching TV Show in the living room.

"We now return to Touched by an Angel." Announcer said as we join in court case between with the angle and Frank Jr.

"Now, where exactly did the angel touch you?" Lawyer said as he holds a doll and asked Frank Jr where the angle touch him

"Here." Frank Jr said as he points at the junk area of the doll.

"Oh, come on! Who're you gonna believe? I got a freakin' halo!" Angel shouted as his lawyer tries to calm him down.

"Bye! I'm going to the mall!" Persephone said as she come down stairs to go to the mall.

"What are you going to the mall for?" Chris asked Persephone.

"Don't worry. The $26 is safe." Meg answer for her twin which make this situation strange.

"Safe, huh? The skirt's trying to pull a fast one. Hands, Knuckles, get the handbag!" Stewie said a command to Tyler and chris.

"Right, boss!" Chris and Tyler said as they rush Persephone and look over her purse.

"Hey! Give her back the purse, you psychos!" Meg said as the purse lands in to Stewie hands as he explores it.

"Let's see. Makeup, chewing gum, a picture of Meg and Persephone in a two-piece swimsuit. Oh, God! I pray this is not my first memory!" Stewie said as he look around the purse until he saw something he shouldn't.

"Look, everybody cool it! I am not going to put up with this racket for two weeks. I'll hold onto the money. I'm a neutral party, so it'll be safe." Brian said as he decides to hold the money since he is a neutral party.

"Okay." Chris said in agreement.

"alright." Tyler agreed as well.

"All right." Meg, Persephone and John said good to the agreement.

"I suppose we can trust you." Stewie said as he gives Brian his word to follow this agreement.

"Now, where is it?" Brian, John and Meg asked on where's the money clip.

That's when Persephone turns Stewie around to grab the money clip form within Stewie's clothes.

"What the...oh, very clever. Take another reach. You forgot your change." Stewie said as he shakes his butt at Persephone to grab some change from inside his clothes.

Now we join everyone in quahog going at the Quahog Special People's Games, with Tom Tucker and Diana Simmons making the announcement for this event.

"Hello, and welcome to the Quahog Special People's Games. I'm Tom Tucker." Tom Tucker said.

"And I'm Diane Simmons. It's a great day to be alive, Tom, able-bodied or not." Diane Simmons said.

"It sure is, Diane. Today we'll see some of Quahog's finest athletes struggle valiantly against God's twisted designs. You'll cheer, you'll cry, you might even get a cheap laugh or two." Tom Tucker said some stuff that were not nice.

"I know I will, Tom. In fact, there's the distinct possibility that, by the end of the day, we'll all be going to Hell." Diane Simmons said that even when they laugh at these people, both of these newscaster will still go to hell.

"I'll see you there, Diane." Tom Tucker said as the ceremonies has started.

"Oh, it sounds like the opening ceremonies have begun. There are the paraplegics. Followed by the blind team." Diane Simmons said as she introduce the paraplegics with Peter and crew walking with Joe and then the blind people.

"Still no sign of the deaf team, I notice." Tom Tucker asked on where is the deaf people team.

 **Cutaway**

We see the deaf team still sleeping as multiple alarm clocks are heard.

"Hey, you guys are gonna be late!" man 1 warned.

"Maybe they're not in there" man 2 said.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"And now, we turn our attention to the lighting of the flame." Diane Simmons said as a man with wooden limbs walks toward the torch as he lights it up with his wooden limb.

"And these games are underway! We begin with the 100-meter dash for people afraid of yellow tape." Tom Tucker said as the race started until they stop near the yellow tape since they all afraid of it.

"It's anybody's race now, Tom!" Diane Simmons comment about his event until an African American pass through the tape.

"And it's Odai Mutambo of Kenya!" Tom Tucker announce the man who won.

As we join Frank, Zeke, peter and Joe working out until the next event starts.

"The decathlon. I don't know. That's quite a mountain to climb, Peter." Joe said as he starting to get nerves.

"Joe, look at me! Look at me! Do I have food in my teeth?" Peter asked Joe if he has anything on his teeth.

"No." Joe said.

"Oh, great. Thank God!" Peter said in relief.

"Now, listen here, Joe. You, Pops, zeke and I both know you have what it takes to win this thing. So, get out there and do it, huh?" Frank said to motivated Joe until a super cripple comes in.

"That gold medal is mine, pretty boy. You don't have a chance in Hell." Disabled Ass said as he brags that he is going to win this.

"He may be right, Guys." Joe said as he is caving in.

"Dad, he's an android. Don't let him push you around. You can do this. I know you can." Zeke said as he cheers up his father.

"Yeah. Yeah! Hey, you think you're so hot, fella? Well, at least I can do this." Joe said as he Sings arpeggio.

Disabled Ass Try's Sings monotone but fails, "Oh, crap!"

"Let's do it!" Joe said as he goes to the decathlon.

"Let's go to the first decathlon event of the day, the pole vault, where Joe Swanson takes his starting position." Tom Tucker said as joe makes the jump by rolling faster than anybody in a wheelchair.

"Yeah! Way to go, Joe!" Peter said as he and the gang cheered.

"Yeah! How do you like that, buddy?" Joe said as he brags to Disabled Ass.

"A sphincter says what?" Disabled Ass said

"What?" Joe said.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha. You stupid bastard." Disabled Ass said as he rolls away for that joke.

Now we join Brain at the patio reading the mad Russian as Stewie comes in to sit next to him.

"Good to see your new fiscal responsibilities haven't interfered with your reading. Ah, Dostoyevsky-the Mad Russian. Good stuff, good stuff." Stewie said.

"You're not gonna get the $26, and you're despicable for trying." Brian said as he revels he is not a caving in.

"Oh, you thought... I wasn't trying to get the $26. I thought we were just having a perfectly innocent conversation about literature. Oh, you're silly. You're silly. I love that you'd go there. You're silly. Good-bye." Stewie said as he cheese it out of the patio.

Now back to the games with the gang.

"We'll take you to bulimic pie-eating in just a moment. But first, decathlon front-runner Joe Swanson, will attempt the long jump." Tom Tucker said.

"Come on, Joe! Break a wheel!" Peter said.

"I'm ready. Let's get it on!" Joe said as he rolls his seat to jump but it was a short jump

As Crowd cheers for the effort not the results.

"Ooh, short jump. That'll knock him out of the lead. Tough break." Tom Tucker said.

"Tough break it is, Tom." Diane Simmons reply to tom response.

"Good contribution, Diane. If Swanson expects to take the gold he's going to have to come in first in the final event, the 100-meter dash." Tom Tucker said.

"That's okay, Joe. You can still win this thing." Peter said as he tries to cheer up Joe until the disabled ass comes in.

"That was pathetic. Tell your wife to come over to my place if she wants a little boom-shacka-lacka-lacka-lacka boom-shaka-lacka-lacka-lacka boom-shaka-lacka-lacka-lacka boom." Disabled Ass said as he tells him to send bonnie for a little loving.

"Peter, it's over." Joe said.

"Over? What are you talking about?" Frank asked him.

"If I couldn't catch a two-bit criminal, how am I supposed to win a race?" Joe question himself.

"Hey, what kind of talk is that? It's un-American! Did George W. Bush quit even after losing the popular vote? No! Did he quit after losing millions of dollars of his father's friends' money in failed oil companies? No! Did he quit after knocking that girl up? No! Did he quit after he got that DUI? No! Did he quit gettin' arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct at a football game? No! Did he quit..." Peter said while mentions several setbacks in the life of President George W. Bush, including his 1966 arrest for drunk and disorderly conduct, his 1976 DUI conviction, "losing millions of dollars of his father's friends' money in failed oil companies" and losing the popular vote in the 2000 presidential election. Peter also mentions that Bush "knock[ed] that girl up," although no journalists found evidence that Bush had impregnated any woman prior to the conception of his twin daughters.

"I get the message, Peter." Joe said as he rolls to the next event.

As Peter and Frank Jr scratch their chins while they get an idea.

Now we join Peter and Frank Jr at Pharmacy while Mort Goldman sings "I Got a Name" to a muzak rendition that plays over the loudspeaker of his pharmacy while Peter Griffin sneaks behind the counter to steal steroids for Joe Swanson.

 **Mort**

 _And I carry it with me like my daddy did_

 _If you're going my way, I'll go with you_

 _La da dee da_

 _Movin' me down the highway..._

"Gee, Peter! This water tastes kinda funny." Joe question the water he is drinking.

"You mean like ha-ha, Jerry Seinfeld funny or Elayne Boosler, "God bless her, she's trying" funny?" Peter said as he makes quips.

"Racers, on your mark!" Referee said as the racers get ready.

"Go get 'em, Joe!" Peter and the gang cheer Joe on.

"Get set! Referee said as he fires his gun as the races roll on.

As Dramatic instrumental music playing in the background, with Peter secretly spikes Joe's sports bottle with steroids that he stole from Mort's pharmacy, he drinks it, he pass everyone and Joe wins the final race to clinch the gold medal

"Yeah!" Peter and the gang cheer at Joe victory.

"And Joe Swanson wins the gold medal!" Tom Tucker announce Joe the winner.

"You did it, Dad!" Zeke said as he hugs his father.

"We did it, Guys!" Joe said as the crowd cheering as the bottle fell as ladybug grew freakily huge and flies.

"Mommy, look at the ladybu-aaah!" Child said as he was taken by said ladybug.

Now we join Peter and the gang become famous and make public appearances and press conferences around Quahog, until an agent talks Joe into signing a contract with him.

"Hey, Greased Lightnin'!" Jim Kaplan said as he gets out of his car that he parks his car in Joe parking spot.

"Do I know you?" Joe asked him.

"Jim Kaplan, sports agent. You like this car?" Jim Kaplan said.

"Yeah." Joe said.

"It's yours. You like my pants?" Jim Kaplan said as he offers his pants.

"Uh, sure." Joe said.

"They're yours! You know what a merkin is?" Jim Kaplan asked Joe about merkin.

"No." Joe said as he doesn't want his pants.

"Pubic wig. I got one. You want it?" Jim Kaplan said.

"No!" Joe said

"Course, you don't, you're a classy guy! You want to be rich?" Jim Kaplan asked about making joe rich.

"Yes!" Joe said.

"Sign here." Jim Kaplan said as he offers him a contract.

We join Frank, Frank Jr and Peter drive on the road until Peter is later stunned to see Joe commercially endorsing a cereal company. Now we join peter at home talk to brian about it.

"What the hell? I just don't understand how he could do that without me. We were gonna do everything together!" Peter said as he pouts.

"It was one cereal ad, Peter. Besides, he's the one who won the medal." Brian said.

"Yeah, I guess." Peter said as he turns on the tv to something strange.

"Coming to ABC, the simple story of a man and his chair. Rolling Courage: the Joe Swanson Story." Announcer said a tv movie about Joe.

"What the hell is this?" Peter said as he is furious upon seeing an inaccurate TV movie, Rolling Courage: The Joe Swanson Story.

"Starring Tony Danza as Joe Swanson. Once a man at his physical peak, brought down by a cruel twist of fate." Announcer said as The movie has everything wrong, from Joe being crippled by crooks, whereas he was knocked off a roof by the Grinch.

"Why?" Tony Danza shout as his legs are broken.

"With Valerie Bertinelli as Bonnie." Announcer said.

"Joe, you've got to accept your limitations." Valerie Bertinelli said as she tries to make tony stop pushing himself.

"Why don't you just ask me to lay down and die?" Tony Danza said as he whines.

I can't live like this anymore! Valerie Bertinelli: said as she leaves the room, then tony notice the advisement in the ice cream box.

"That's it!" Tony Danza said as he joins the games.

"That's not how it happened! It was my idea!" Peter said as it shows how Joe decided to enter the Games depicted without Peter's encouragement.

"With Bea Arthur as Peter Griffin and Robin Williams as Frank G Mallque." Announcer said as the movie version characters of Frank and Peter are reveal as Peter's was portrays as a discouraging slob and Franks' as old man, although in real life he encouraged Joe to go the distance.

"You'll never make it, Joe!" Robin Williams said in frank's Jumpsuit.

"Why don't you just give up right now?" Bea Arthur said in peter's clothes.

"No. I've got to try! Even if it's by myself." Tony Danza said as he rolls to the next event alone.

"You're a fool, Joe! A fool!" Bea Arthur and Robin Williams shouted at tony.

"Rolling Courage: The Joe Swanson Story. Friday on ABC, followed by Dharma and Greg-but you don't have to watch that." Announcer said as Peter turns off the tv.

"I don't believe this. Joe wouldn't be famous if it hadn't been for us. How come he's getting all the glory?" Peter said as he whines.

"He's handicapped. That's what makes his story so inspirational." Brian said as he explain what going on to Peter that Joe is successful and inspirational because of his handicap.

"Handicapped...hmmm. Aaah! How did these get up here?" Peter said as he finds his balls on his chin and puts them back in his pants.

As we join Brian reading a book as John, Tyler, Meg, Persephone, Chris and Stewie appeared.

"What the hell is this, Brian?" Chris said as Tyler holds a new passport.

"It's my new passport. What are you doing going through my mail?" Brian said as he swipe his passport out of Tyler's hands.

"You weren't planning on going somewhere with our $26, were you?" the Griffin twins said.

"Oh, for God's sake! I just had the damn thing renewed! What's the matter with you?" Brian shouts at the kids.

"You're obviously taking us for saps. But we're not. Now, fess up, or I'll do to you what I did to John Lennon." Stewie said as he sets up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Stewie in an art gallery with Yoko Ono and John Lennon.

"John, have you met Yoko? Yoko, John?" Stewie introduced to each other.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"You want your money? Fine! I hope you all kill each other." Brian said as he drops off the Money clip.

"All right, I know how to settle this. Whoever wants the money raise your hand!" Stewie said as they fight with the money clip.

"Ho, ho, you're smarter than I thought. Give yourselves a round of applause. Damn!" Tyler said as he tries to trick everybody to leave the money but fails.

We know join Frank, Frank Jr and Peter as he decides to fake a handicap. Armed with a tape with poorly-done footage showing his "accident" which included him running over a scarecrow who was supposed to be himself. As we join Tom tucker in his dressing room.

"Yeah, honey, I'm gonna be late tonight. I've got a hooker coming over. Well, I know it's late notice, but what about the pool guy? He likes you." Tom Tucker said to his phone call.

"Mr. Tucker, Mr. Griffin's here to see you." Intern said as he enters with an injured Peter and Frank rolling in.

"I got to go." Tom Tucker said.

"Mr. Tucker, I have just become handicapped like Joe Swanson. And I demand commercial endorsements and a TV movie based on me, my son in law, starring Valerie Bertandernie and Robin Williams." Peter said as he and his boys tracks down Tom Tucker and demands fame, commercials, and a TV movie based on themselves.

"But, Mr. Griffin..." Tom Tucker said.

"I even got the first piece you're gonna run-exclusive video footage of my tragic accident. "Oh, no! A car going too fast to stop in time! Aaeeee! I'm handicapped now! Ah!" Peter said from the film.

"Mr. Griffin, you can't possibly expect me to believe this. That was clearly a scarecrow dressed in your clothes." Tom Tucker said as he is not buy it.

"Oh, come on!" Peter said as he fails to convince the news anchor.

"And when I freeze-frame...that's you driving the car." Tom Tucker said as he point out a scene.

"Well, there's your hook!" Peter said.

"Get out." Tom Tucker said as he and the Frank's gets thrown out.

Now we join our heroes at city hall as the mayor gives announcement.

"Today we're here to honor Joe Swanson for pulling my poor one-eyed cat, Bootsie, out of the old stove pipe of my grandmother's cabin. Joe Swanson won the Special People's Decathlon, and we're here to honor him." Mayor West said.

"Backstabber." Peter and Frank said.

"Oh, Peter, I'm sure Joe's gonna acknowledge you. You'll see." Lois said.

"Don't forget our deal, Lois. I sit through this, and later tonight I get anal. You hear me? No matter how neat I want the house, you have to clean it." Peter said as he get sex after this.

"Gross, Pops/Grandpa!" Frank and Frank Jr said in disgust.

"Thank you, thank you. You know, no one can win a gold medal by himself. It takes friends. And I want to acknowledge a special friend in the audience today. My friend Peter...Peter Yarrow of Peter, Paul and Mary! Let's give him a hand, folks. But that's nothing compared to what this next man did. He challenged me to go that extra mile. And that man is Mr. Griffin...Comedian Eddie Griffin, get up here! Your acerbic anti-white humor was a constant inspiration, thank you, sir. And last but not least, who could forget the fat guy? Chef Paul Prudhomme! You get your Cajun ass up here!" Joe said as both Frank and Peter get Jealous of Joe's fame and lucrative endorsement deals.

"Why? I didn't even do anything!" Paul Prudhomme said from the crowd.

"That's it! Excuse me, but there's someone else he didn't thank! Mr. Steroid! That's how he won!" Peter said as he reveals his doping secret to the public, disgracing Joe.

"That's not true!" Joe said.

"Yes, it is. I put steroids in your water bottle right before the last race." Peter said as he still piss off while the crowd booing.

"I'm sorry, everybody. I've let you all down." Joe said as This leads to him surrendering his gold medal and sinking back into depression. While the disabled ass was braging for his victory until Frank Jr kick him off his chair.

"Yes. You suck. I rule. Who da man? Who da man? Who da man?" Frank Jr said as he used the voice box in the chair.

Meanwhile, Meg, Chris and Stewie fight over a money clip holding $26 while hoping no one else claims it. Distrust flares among them and they repeatedly clash, trying to outwit each other for the money.

"All right. If anyone tries to lift the glass, the bell will ring." Meg and Persephone said together.

"Well then, let's all go to bed." Chris said as he, John and Tyler go to their rooms.

"Off we go then." Stewie said as he goes to his and Frank Jr's room.

As the Thunder clapping as everyone were trying to get the money clip.

"Stop!" Meg said as they Punching, kicking, yelling until John, Tyler, Chris, Meg, Persephone and Stewie are struggling over the money clip, the room is illuminated intermittently by lightning flashes coming through the window. The scene is reminiscent of the life and death struggle between Michael Caine, Christopher Reeve, and the psychic Helga Ten Dorp from the 1982 film Deathtrap

Now in the morning at the Mallque/Griffin household as the Doorbell rings.

"Did you find the place okay?" Brian said as he answer the door to lead the man in.

"No problem." Mr. Taylor said.

"Hey, kids!" Brian said as he tries to wake them up.

"I only had soup." Tyler said as he wakes up.

"I don't see why we should split the bill evenly." Stewie said as he too wakes up.

"Wake up! This is Mr. Taylor. He's here for the money clip." Brian said as the man came for his money clip.

"Oh!" Meg and Persephone moans.

"Oh!" Chris, John and Tyler Moans.

"Aauughh!" Stewie said as he moans like Charlie Brown of Peanuts.

Now we join Frank, Peter, Frank Jr and Lois in the kitchen.

"Peter, Frank, you two should go talk to him. After all, you two set out to make him feel better, and now he's worse than ever." Lois said.

"I don't know, Lois. He's probably waiting to be interviewed by Dan Rather or that dreadful Gene Shalit." Peter said as he complains about joe one upping them again.

"I think those days are over now, Peter." Lois said as she point out Joe is normal again.

As we join the Mallque duo and peter going to Joe's house.

"Uh, hey there." Peter said.

"Uh, hi, Peter." Joe said.

"Listen, Joe, Zeke, about this whole mess..." Frank said as he is trying to apologies to him until Joe recognizes Mr. Taylor as the car wash thief.

"Hold it, Peter! That's the car-wash thief!" Joe said as Mr. Taylor makes a run for it.

As Dramatic instrumental music playing in the background, Joe and Zeke chase Mr. Taylor around quahog. Until Mr. Taylor was behind a fence as he mocks them.

A-ha! Tough luck, wheelie! Mr. Taylor said from behind the fence.

"Yeah, for you!" zeke said as he activates the turbo buster and they jump Mr. Taylor.

"I'm Joe and this is zeke, your waiters. Today's special is justice, served cold, with a side of jail! And order the souffle now, 'cause it takes 10 to 15 years!" Joe said as they beat the shit of him.

Meanwhile at the Drunken Clam.

"Hey, Peter, Frank, I really appreciate what you two did for me." Joe said as he thanks them for what they did.

"What do you mean?" Peter asked him.

"Well, that slimy agent had me believing the hype. I forgot it was really you who got me to believe in myself again. Oh, and by the way, I'm going back to the force." Joe said.

"Good for you. Hey, what happened to the car-wash thief?" Frank asked Joe about the car wash thief.

"Ironically, I severed his spine when I landed on him." Zeke said as he drinks his beer.

"Looks like you got more competition at next year's games, huh?" Peter and Frank said as they now know that Joe is going to have true competition.

"Nope, he's dead." Joe said as this time leading to the thief's arrest and death; ironically of a broken spine, and the return of Joe's faith in himself.

As Frank looks at the audience with a surprised look, with end song music play.

 **Chapter ends**

 **I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thanking for pen123 and Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas. Also Doc X me if you want to help with scenes for next chapter because I need the ideas.**


	17. Chapter 44:A Very Special FGMC Christmas

**Chapter 44: A Very Special Family Guy MC Freakin Christmas**

 **Opening Credits**

 _It seems today that all ya see_

 _Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

 _But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

 _On which we used to rely_

 _Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

 _Lucky there's a man who_

 _Positively can do_

 _All the things that make us_

 _Laugh n' Cry_

 _He's_

 _a_

 _Fam_

 _-ily_

 _Guy!_

 **End**

As Frank Jr is shown waiting near a bush next to his house.

"Hahahaha, Today, I'm gonna sneak up and get my uncle and dog with a super sneaky karate move." Frank Jr laughs while he practices karate as he sneaky neat the front lawn.

"What diabolical act are those guys committing now with my dad?" Frank Jr question them as Frank, Brain and Stewie were putting

Frank plugs in Christmas lights outside and Frank Jr freaks out

"Fire! Don't worry, Dad, I'm coming! Stand back, dad, fire!" Frank Jr shouted as he rushes inside and instead of throwing water on tree, throws it on Frank.

"Huh? So I guess there's no fire?" Frank Jr said as his father was piss off.

"What in the name of the don is wrong with you, Frank Jr? Ain't you never seen a Christmas tree before?" Frank asked his son.

"Christmas who?" Frank Jr asked his father on what is Christmas.

"What?! Y'all never heard of Christmas?" Frank asked his son on Christmas.

"Is she a friend from Japan?" Frank Jr said while Brain and stewie face palm themselves.

"Hahahaha, No. I can't believe you haven't heard of..." Frank said as he laughs as he makes an adorable face, "Christmas."

"Tell me more about this..." Frank Jr asked on what is Christmas.

"Christmas." Brain and Stewie imitates Frank.

" _And so, I wove the magical tale of gumdrops and pennywhistles. I told of toy-making elves and flying reindeer. But best of all, I told of the one they call, Santa Claus."_ Frank said as he explains about Christmas and Santa clause as his son just smiles of what he has learned.

Now we join the Griffin family at the town square looking at the Christmas tree.

"Merry Christmas, dude. Don't put it in your nose. It burns like hell." Chris said as he gives stewie a candy cane. Then stewie works on the cane into a make shift shank.

"Merry Christmas, everybody. As president of the Quahog Chamber of Commerce, I'd like to thank the Seniors' Center for decorating our tree." Cleveland said as he announces the decorated tree as it turns on to spell out " Young people suck!" while the old people laughs at their joke.

"Oop, broke my hip!" Senior said as he broken his hip.

"Look, honey. There's the manger for the Christmas pageant. You're gonna make the cutest baby Jesus ever." Lois said as she pick up her son to look at the manger.

"So, you want to dress me up and trot me about like a circus poodle, hmm? Here, let me consult my agent, Mr. Irving R. Pointy Stick!" Stewie said as he tries to stab her with his candy cane shank.

"Oh, Stewie, no sweets before dinner." Lois said as she takes the candy cane from stewie.

"Mom, I'm freezing. Can we go home?" Persephone said as she coddles close with John.

"In a minute. Would you just look at this beautiful tree? Every year I look up at that star and I think of all of the joy and wonder that Christmas promises. And that miracle that occurred on that silent winter's night." Lois said as she explains the magic of Christmas to her children, until Peter comes in by driving at the manger all drunk with Frank and Frank Jr at the back seat for their safety.

"Hey, I'm on vacation! Happy birthday, Jesus!? Seven maids a-milking, six maids a-milking, five maids a-milk...?" Peter said as he faints in front of the manger Jesus.

At Mallque/Griffin house Frank Jr was explain the new members of the family about Christmas.

"And everyone pretends to like the fruitcake." Frank Jr said as he his friend aww at Christmas.

"Yawn." Stewie said as he moans in boredom.

"But the best part is you can write a letter to this guy, Santa Claus, and tell him what you want, and when he comes he brings it to you." Frank Jr said as he takes out a photo and explains what Santa does and what he give to you for being good.

"Just like a genie, Ha-ha." Tyler said as he laughs in happiness.

"I dunno about you, Guys, but any fella who's giving away free stuff, is a friend o' mine." John said as he agrees on Christmas.

"That's the spirit, John." Frank Jr said as he grabs a piece of papers from his room.

"Here you go! You can get started on your letter." Frank Jr said as he gives them to his family.

"I can't believe anybody would celebrate a holiday where a jolly prowler breaks into your house and leaves gifts." Stewie said as he makes a snarky remark.

"Like a genie, Ha-ha." Tyler said as he Laughs.

"Pipe down, Stewie. I'm trying to concentrate. This thing is as good as a blank check direct from the First National Bank of Santa Claus." John said as he writes his letter to Santa.

"Oh, brother." Stewie said as he makes another snarky remark.

"Yeah." Tyler said as he sees Frank Jr passing papers.

"Okay, who's next?" Frank Jr asked his friends.

"Ooh, ooh, me, me!" Tyler shouted.

"Ooh." Stewie said as he makes another snarky remark.

"Here you go, Tyler." Frank Jr said as he passes paper to Tyler.

"There's no words on this paper." Tyler question his Blake paper.

"Not yet." Frank Jr said as he reveals a pencil in his hand to Tyler.

"Yippee! A writing stick for me to write my letter." Tyler said as he grabs a pencil to begin writing.

"C'mon, Stewie. Write a letter." Frank Jr asked his uncle to write a letter to Santa.

"Frank Jr, grow up will ya? No one's going to give me a gift just because I write them a stupid letter." Stewie said as Tyler 's letter tears in half by Tyler himself.

"Frank Jr, I ripped my paper. Could I have another one?" Tyler asked Frank Jr for another piece of paper.

"Sure, buddy. Here you go. Okie dokie, Ste...wie." Frank Jr said as he was stop talking to stewie by Tyler rips his Letter again.

"Uhh, Frank Jr..." Tyler said as Frank Jr hands him another piece of paper.

"Thanks." Tyler said as he sits down and starts writing with the paper on top of the pencil.

"Dear Sant..." Tyler said until his paper rips.

"D'oh! Not again." Tyler said as he fails again at writing his letter.

"Here, Tyler, watch me. Dear Santa, what do I want for Christmas, you may ask? All I want is for you to visit gentle folk here in Quahog. That is my wish." Frank Jr said as he writes his letter and he puts the letter in a bottle. Now we see Frank Jr and Tyler outside with a machine of Frank Jr's design.

"Tyler, I designed this mechanism specifically to shoot bottles to the North pole. The hopes of everyone rests on the success of its maiden voyage. Fire in the hole!" Frank Jr said as he puts his letter into the device.

As he presses it and the bottle shoots up to the North pole.

"Santa! Ha-ha." Tyler said as he laughing at the machine as he hopes it summons Santa.

"Where's Santa?" Tyler asked Frank Jr on where is Santa Claus.

"Santa doesn't come till Christmas Eve." Frank Jr said as John come outside with his letter.

"Okay boy, my demands, uhh, I mean, my letter, is ready to go." John said to Frank Jr.

"Great, John. What did you wish for?" Frank Jr asking his friend.

"A pony." John said his wish.

"Really?" Frank Jr asked him about his ponu.

"With saddle bags full of My Family memories!" John said as his letter shoots by bottle up to the North pole.

"Here you go, Frank Jr." Tyler said as he passes his bottle letter to Frank Jr.

"What did you wish for, Tyler?" Frank Jr said as he asked him.

"Another piece of paper." Tyler said as the bottle shoots up to the North pole.

"And what did you wish for, Maddie?" Frank Jr asked his friend who arrive at his house.

"Front teeth!" Maddie said as she shows her two front teeth are missing.

"I could use a new hat!" Zeke said as his hat was torn off and broken.

"I need a new hairstyle!" Rosie said as he old hair style was bland.

"How about a glass of water for my teeth?" Herbert said as he talks threw his teeth.

As lots of bottles get shot up to the North pole while everyone was keep sending their letters.

"Excuse me, coming through, out of the way." Stewie said as he pushes the crowd to reach Frank Jr.

"Great, Stewie, you finished. What's your wish?" Frank Jr said as he is happy to see stewie.

"My wish is that the people of Quahog will stop paying any attention to the inane dribble that is constantly streaming out of this dunderhead's mouth." Stewie said as he wamts this to stop.

"Gee, Stewie, maybe Santa will bring me a dictionary so I can understand what you just said. Okay, everybody, we've got a lot to do now that we've summoned Santa Claus. We must ready ourselves for his arrival." Frank Jr said as he ignore what stewie said as he tells everyone to prepare for Santa arrival.

Hooray! Everyone shouted as we join the trio outside about to sing a song.

 **Frank Jr, John and Tyler**

 _It's shaping up to be a wonderful holiday. Not your normal, average, everyday._

 **Stewie**

 _Sounds like someone felled my old pine tree! Frank Jr, John and Tyler, why'd you do this to me?_

 **Frank Jr, John and Tyler**

 _The world feels like it's in loverly!_

 **Stewie**

 _Go away before I harm you bodily!_

 **Frank Jr, John and Tyler**

 _This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me!_

 **Frank Jr, John and Tyler**

 _There'll be shopping, decorating, and plenty of snow! Hey, John and Tyler, who's that under the mistletoe?_

 **Stewie**

 _What? Who, me? Would you look at the time, I should go!_

 **Quagmire**

 _People seem a little more brotherly!_

 **Cleveland**

 _Here's a special something to you from me!_

 **Frank Jr, John and Tyler**

 _Even all the trash, on Christmas it smells so sweetly!_

 _This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me!_

Frank Jr is seen dancing with different backgrounds as we see him in front of Stewie's room.

 **Frank Jr**

 _La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!_

 **Stewie**

 _What do you want? Can't you see that I'm busy!?_

 _ **Frank Jr, John and Tyler**_

 _Step outside, we've got something for you to see!_

As Persephone walks outside to see everything decorated around the house and inside the house.

 **Stewie**

 _Frank Jr, take this stuff down immediately!_

 **Frank Jr, John and Tyler**

 _Chestnuts roasting and burns in the third degree!_

 **Citizens**

 _Tonight things are as good as they seem to be!_

 **John and Tyler**

 _A star on top will complete all the scenery!_

 **Citizens**

 _This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me! This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me!_

"Is Stewie right? Can there be a Christmas in quahog? Stay tuned!" Frank said as he shaking, putting his hand and hook upon his ears.

"It's about time you got back! Now I can finish me story! So, everyone was preparing for Christmas..." Frank said.

As we join the Mallque and Griffin watch TV during the holidays.

John, Tyler and Brian, you're not wearing the sweater I made for all you. Lois said

"Uh?" John said as he rubs his head.

"Well?" Tyler said as he rubs his fingers.

"it's a little warm in here, you know?" Brian said as he tries to make an excuses.

"Don we now our gay apparel" Lois said as she puts her foot down, while the duo and dog cave in as they put on their sweaters.

"Doesn't get much gayer than this." Brian, John and Tyler said as Frank Jr smile as he doesn't have to wear his sweater.

"Frank and Peter, tomorrow's Christmas Eve and you still haven't gotten us a tree." Lois said as she asks them about getting a tree.

"Mom, we told you that we're on dips luscious vacation. What part of that don't you understand?" Frank said as he watches TV.

"Come on, Guys. It's the only thing I've asked you two to do. Please?" Lois said as she rubs Peter's belly until he caves.

"Brian, tape this for me." Peter said as he asked Brian to tape the episode.

"Sorry. The VCR hasn't worked since you tried to tape Monday Night Football." Brian said as he sets up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Peter watching football on TV? Then suddenly, the FBI appeared and threatened to shoot Peter.

"Do you have the express written consent of ABC Sports and the National Football League?" the FBI agent asked.

"Just ABC" Peter said as the guns cocking, then gunfire destroyed the VCR.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"Well, if you get us a tree, I'll make sure Santa brings you a new VCR. Please?" Lois said.

"Oh, crap. How come I... commercial!" Peter said as he Chopping tree outside their neighbor yard.

The doorbell rang and Lois answered to find Maddie dressed in a green Christmas theme dress with a green ballerina skirt with red edges connected, Rosie in a bright looking dress in a style of a candy cane along with her mother Lily.

"Oh, Lily! So nice to see you, Merry Christmas!" Lois said to her friend.

"And a Merry Christmas to you too." Lily said.

"And I see you little pumpkins are all dress to look cute for the season." Lois said as she looks at the female twins.

"Hahahaha, oh stop... your making me wet myself. But seriously, who going to change me?" Maddie said as she giggles.

"Hey Maddie, Rosie! Wow, I never seen you two look so beautiful for the holiday." Frank Jr said

"Oh please, Hahahaha, don't make blush again, I've already wet myself feeling flustered." Maddie said as she giggles.

While they were talking to each other, act like they didn't noticed that Stewie was taking pictures under the girls' dresses. Without looking back, Rosie just back kick in the crotch. They just laughed at Stewie.

"I guess my toilet training will be postponed for another year..." Stewie said to himself.

"Serves you right Uncle Stewie." Frank Jr said as he mocks his uncle.

"Shut up Nephew..." Stewie said as we join the family at the couch.

Hey, Mom, I got something to add to my Christmas list. A pair of those jeweled bug barrettes. Not costume, real. Maybe you should write that down? Persephone said

Santa got all his shopping done before the rush. I think you'll be very happy. Lois said

"I just want peace on Earth. That's better than being selfish like Persephone, right? So I should get more than her." Chris said as John and Tyler just look at him with disgust.

"Bullshit!" Tyler said quietly as Frank and Peter just came in with a tree.

"Here's the tree." Frank said as he and peter went to their seats.

"Merry Christmas to all and to all shut the hell up." Peter said as he sits down until Lois butts in.

"Uh-uh-uh, before you sit down, we're due at Joe and Bonnie's for eggnog." Lois said as both Frank and Peter moans.

"Mom, can't we tell them that your mother died?" Frank said as he moans.

"Frank, I'm not gonna lie about something like that." Lois said as she gets her coat.

"All right, all right, I'll kill your mother. God, when did Christmas become so complicated?" Peter said as he puts a rock in sock and twirls it in the air.

Meanwhile at the Swanson's, everyone was in their living room all quite like.

"So, uh, you guys know that Rudolph is on, right?" Peter and Frank said.

"Frank, Peter!" Lois said as she shuts them up.

"Thank you for the lovely gingerbread house, Lois." Bonnie said as Joe looks at the house.

"Oh, yeah! It's perfect for all the happy, active gingerbread men. Except for the one with no legs! Look at the parents telling their kids not to stare. "How does his pee-pee work, Mommy?" Well, I've got news for you, Becky. Not so well!" Joe said as he ate the cookie in anger.

"Dad, you promised. It's Christmas." Zeke said as he calms down his father.

"Joe had his accident at Christmas time." Bonnie said as she explains how Joe lose his legs.

As Lois Nervous laughter with her daughter meg until Frank hears singing.

"Check the balls on Uncle Charlie" Carolers said as Frank Looks at the window to see his friend and their dads.

"Yes! Time to go a-wassailing!" Peter said as he and Frank put their coats on as they open the door.

Hey, Peter, Hey Frank. Quagmire said as Negi raise his can of booze.

"Hi. I'm Prancer." Cleveland said while Rage and Menma were dancing like the peanuts.

"And I'm dancer and those two are dasher and doner." Menma said while being drunk.

"Hey, why don't you two take Joe and zeke along?" Lois said

"Yeah, Mom. Well zeke is fun to hang out with but Joe, That'll be about as much fun as a lecture on ontological empiricism." Frank said.

"What?" Lois said as she is confused on what Frank said.

"What?" Frank and Peter said until Lois beg again.

"Honey, he could use some Christmas spirit. For me? Please? Lois said until Peter cave again to Lois's demand.

"All right. But you owe me later, under the mistletoe. Open mouth, no matter how drunk I am." Peter said as Frank argued to meg that she also owes him something as well.

"Christmas sex in your sexy Santa outfit, no condoms. I still want Frank Jr to have a little sibling later on." Frank said as Meg agreed.

As Frank, Peter, Zeke and Joe went out to join the gang for their fun out town.

"Frank, Peter, the gifts are hidden in the trunk. Don't forget to drop off the one for Toys for Toddlers." Lois said as she and meg wave goodbye to their husbands.

"All right, all right. Hey, somebody give me and Frank, a beer." Peter said

"Heads up." Quagmire said as he throws them some beer until Joe caught them.

"Yeah, Peter, one of us has to be the designated driver. And I've already had four eggnogs. So I guess you're it." Joe said as Peter just laughs at him as he takes his beer.

"That's a good one, Joe. Way to get into the spirit. Peter said

"I'm a cop first and a buddy second. So don't think I wouldn't throw your drunk-driving ass in the slammer! All right, let's a-wassail!" Joe said until Frank trips him as he raised him.

"listen up joe, you are the new guy, so please don't piss me off by using your cop first and a buddy second bull shit or else!" Frank said as he warns him not to piss him off and also He gave Joe a beer can full of piss. The gang laughs at him when he found out, as Joe know not to miss with the Mallque's and the griffins.

Now we join Lois and the kids decorating the tree.

"Stewie, honey, time for bed. You have a big day tomorrow, baby Jesus." Lois said as she takes stewie in her arms.

"Trust me, woman, if I could walk on water, I would stroll you out to the middle of a lake and hold your head under until the bubbles stopped!" Stewie said as he complains about his roll play Jesus.

"Someone's being naughty, not nice. You know, Santa's watching you." Lois said as she warns stewie about Santa.

"What the devil do you mean, "watching"?" Stewie said as he is now nerves.

"Well, honey, Santa's making a list and checking it twice." Lois said as meg and Persephone join in.

"He sees you when you're sleeping." Meg and Persephone said as John and Tyler join in the fun.

"And he knows when you're awake." John and Tyler said as Chris come in with Frank Jr.

"I almost caught him last year. But he's magic!" Chris said as Frank Jr being to put on his PJS.

"Constant surveillance of every child on Earth? Impossible! Unless...hidden cameras. Oh, very clever. Watching to see if I'm naughty, are you? Well, check this twice!" Stewie said as he thinks that Santa watching him by Christmas adornments as he moon the adornment Santa.

We now join the gang sing rock the boat as Peter driving around town.

 **Frank, Menma, Rage, Zeke, Negi, Joe, Quagmire & Cleveland**:

 _Rock the boat_

 **Cleveland** **and Menma**

 _Don't rock the boat baby_

 **Frank, Menma, Rage, Zeke, Negi, Joe, Quagmire & Cleveland**:

 _Rock the boat_

 **Cleveland and Menma**

 _Don't tip the boat over_

 **Frank, Menma, Rage, Zeke, Negi, Joe, Quagmire & Cleveland**

 _Rock the boat_

 **Cleveland and Menma**

 _Don't rock the boat baby_

 **Frank, Menma, Rage, Zeke, Negi, Joe, Quagmire & Cleveland**

 _Rock the booooaaaattttt!_

 **Frank, Menma, Rage, Zeke, Negi, Joe**

Rock on!

Hey, guys. Check me out! Whoa! Quagmire said as he opens the door to play chicken until he hits himself by a dog.

As the Dog whimpering while the car was moving along, they stop to play game as Joe clims on top of a light pole until Joe falls on the floor.

"Uhhh, aaaaaaah, Oh, no! I've broken my legs!" Joe said as he Grunting and Screaming. Until everyone laught at his joke.

"That's about as funny as Sinbad. Not the comedian, he's hilarious-the sailor. But then again, he was never meant to be funny." Frank said as he complains while being drunk off his ass.

"Now come on. I gotta go to freakin' Toys for Toddlers." Peter said as he need to do his chores.

"Sounds like somebody's got a humbug up his butt." Cleveland said as his boys laugh.

"Maybe we should set him up with another lemon snow cone, eh?" Quagmire said as he suggests that they give a pee snow cone to Peter.

"No, thanks. The last one you gave me didn't taste like lemon at all! It tasted like...oh, you guys are asses!" Peter said as he drives away with Frank as the gang laugh.

Now we join stewie in the family room near the tree looking around the presents.

"I knew you were awake." Santa said as he appear out of nowhere.

"You!" Stewie said as he fires his laser at Santa but nothing is working on him.

As Tense instrumental music is playing in the background while Santa cave closer to stewie.

"Now, Stewie, you are in my power." Santa said as he drags stewie into his gift sack.

"No, damn you! Damn you, let me go!" Stewie said as he fell inside in Santa's bag.

As we now join Santa at his workshop at the north pole check on the elf progress on the toys.

"Good, Melvin. Nice work, Woodrow. Excellent, Stewie." Santa said as he made stewie his elf zombie slave.

As Sinister instrumental music playing in the background while stewie wakes up because what happened to him was a nightmare.

"Aah! It was just a dream. I needn't fear this Santa. If he were truly omnipotent, he'd have the testicular fortitude to show himself!" Stewie said as he shouts at his room to challenged Santa until Frank Jr woke up and slap stewie in the face from waking him up.

See? I'm just barking at the dark. No one here but me." Stewie said as he nervously humming while holding Rupert.

"All right, where is it? Where's the wire? Show yourself, Claus!" Stewie said

"Stewie, go to sleep!" Lois said as she pisses off Frank Jr since it his job to put stewie in his place not hers.

"This doesn't involve you, Grandma!" Frank Jr said as he argues with Lois.

"I don't want to have to come in there." Lois said as she push her response on Frank Jr.

"I don't want to have to come in there, since you are already in the nude!" Frank Jr said as he points his finger.

Meanwhile at the kitchen, everyone was having pancakes for breakfast as Frank and Peter walk in all grumpy.

"Shhh. Frank and Dad's awake." Meg said as everyone just act normal.

"Don't bother whispering. we don't have a hangover." Peter said as he was grumpy

"It's a Christmas miracle!" Brian, John and Tyler said as he said sarcastically.

"Shouldn't you guys have your sweaters on?" Frank said as he burns them by telling them the house's Christmas rule.

As Brian, John and Tyler Groaning, then they went to get their horrible sweaters. While Lois and Meg kissed their husbands

"That's for letting Joe join in your reindeer games. Now you go relax while I make my little Christmas angel a big stack of pancakes." Lois said as she starts making them their pancakes.

"If I'm sleeping, just stuff 'em in my mouth and rub my throat." Peter said as he and Frank went to sit on the couch to watch TV.

"Just one more thing." Lois said

"Mom/Lois!" Frank and Peter shouted as they groan.

"I need you to take the presents out of the trunk." Lois said as she leaves while the two with the trio watch TV.

"Aren't you gonna do it?" Brian asked the duo.

"It's already done. we dropped them all off at Toys for Toddlers last night." Peter said

"All? Peter, only one gift was for charity." John and Tyler said together.

"The rest were for the family." Brian said as he explains that one gift was for the charity the rest was for the family.

"No. The rest were "from" the family. Weren't they?" Peter said until he freaky out.

"Oh, crap. Since when did they change the meaning of "for" to "from"?" Frank asked the group.

"I think they had a meeting about it last night." Brian said.

"Why wasn't I told?" Peter asked the group.

"They sent you a card. But it said "For Peter" on it." John try to answer him but pass it to Tyler.

"So you must've thought it was "from" you, so you didn't..." Tyler said as he tries to make it easy but he passes it to Brian.

"you know, it's just easier to call you stupid." Brian said as the scene fades to black.

Meanwhile at the Quahog Country trailer park, the Mallque/Griffin gang arrive with a plan.

"You're really gonna take back donated gifts on Christmas Eve?" Frank asked his father in law in response.

"Yep. Now here's the plan. You'll enter through the air conditioning duct here. Now, there'll be an invisible laser grid three inches above the floor. So you two have to compress your bodies to the size of a household sponge and slide underneath like some kind of weird amphibious dolphin." Peter said as the gang just look at peter with awe of his sheer stupidity.

"Can I buy some pot from you?" Brian aske Peter if he was selling pot until the trailer door open.

"What 'choo want?" Hick mother said as red neck does.

As Hicks Hollering while the gang enters the trailer to explain to the couple about this situation.

"So you understand all these gifts were supposed to be for my family. It was just some crazy mix-up." Peter said as he explains to the family that those gift were for his family.

"Kill 'em." Hick Mother said as she is not buy it as her husband grabs his gun.

As the Hick Father Pumps shotgun to kill the gang.

"No, no, no. It's true. You see, that remote control cow was for Chris, John, and Tyler. And those barrettes were for my wife and her sister Persephone." Frank said.

"And, uh... Hey, where's my VCR?" Peter said as he turns towards the bathroom where two boys were fighting for the VCR.

"Dang it, Buck. It's my turn to use the sex box!" Hick Child 1 said as he pulls the VCR to his side.

"It's my sex box! And her name is Sony." Buck said as he pulls the VCR to his side.

Now back at the Mallque/Griffin house in the kitchen as Frank and Peter explain to Lois of all the family gift are now owned by trailer park trash.

"You gave away all the presents?" Lois said

Lois, if you strike us down, we shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine. Peter said as he and the group cover themselves while what peter was almost an exact quote of Obi-Wan Kenobi in his climactic duel with Darth Vader in _Star Wars_.

"Peter, you and the boys brought glad tidings to a family less fortunate than your own." Lois said as she was touch.

"You mean you're not mad?" Frank said as he questions Lois on not being angry.

"Well, I am little irritated that I have to do all the shopping again. But at least some good came out of it." Lois said as the gang relax by that news.

"So we can drink beer and watch TV? 'cause, you know, Frank and KISS Saves Santa's on." Peter said as he set up a very special cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Frank and the rock band KISS with Mrs. Claus at the North Pole.

"But, Mrs. Claus, who would kidnap Santa?" Ace Frehley asked.

"Well, Ace, that's what I want you boys to find out" Mrs. Claus wondered.

"Someone stole Santa? That does not rock!" Gene Simmons shouted.

"Easy, Gene. Guys, let's go save Christmas. To the KISS Copter!" Frank and Paul Stanley suggested as the band cheered.

As Adventurous instrumental music play, they KISS copter leave while Frank and the band does their kiss faces.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"You can watch all the TV you want-[kiss]-just as soon as we get back from the mall." Lois said as she get dress to leave to the mall with the family.

"The mall?" Frank said in shocked.

"On Christmas Eve?" Peter said as he was too shocked to get gifts on Christmas eve.

"Frank and Dad, We just want this family to have a perfect Christmas. And I need a little help, okay?" Meg said as she threatens them on what they done and they still need to get gifts.

"Brian, my turkey's in the oven. Can you turn it off at 3:00?" Lois said as she about to leave to the front door.

"No problem." Brian said as they family leave towards the mall.

"We'll shop, come home, eat, and then it's off to the pageant to see our little Stewie play baby Jesus." Lois said as she can't wait for stewie to play Jesus at the pageant.

"Oh, yes, yes. By all means, turn me into a child star. Perhaps I can move to Cal-i-for-ni-a and wrangle me a three-way with the Olsen twins." Stewie said as John, Tyler and Frank Jr look at stewie with a weirded out expression.

As the Brakes squeaking while the family arrive at the quahog mall parking lot.

"There's a spot!" Lois said as she points toward a free parking spot.

As the car Tires screeching until another car took the spot.

"Ah, screw this." Peter said as he hacks the spot by parking on top of the other car.

As the family enter the mall with much preparation of shopping the good.

"Okay, Frank and Peter. We'll each take half the list to save time. Kids, why don't you take Stewie to see Santa?" Lois said as she points to the mall Santa.

"Santa?" Stewie said as he is shock to see his foe right in the open with Menacing instrumental music playing in the background.

"No, it's not possible! Sitting alone in this public setting? No bullet-proof glass? Claus, you make it too easy. Change me! I've leaked through my ski pants and I won't face him wet!" Stewie said point his finger at Persephone to change his diaper.

As we now join Brian at the house put more wood on the fire of the chimney as he watches a Christmas special on TV.

"We now return to Bob Hope's Christmas with the Troops." Announcer said.

"It's good to see you Union boys. I would've been here sooner, but Lincoln gave me the wrong "Gettysburg Address." How about this having to sit still for 60 seconds to have your picture taken? How 'bout that?" Bob Hope said.

Meanwhile back at the Mall Peter and Frank found their Christmas special.

"Sweet! It's Frank and KISS Saves Santa. Peter said as He and Frank watch the special, the kiss group found Santa in a pterodactyl's nest.

"Hang on, Santa. We're coming." Ace Frehley said as he tells Santa to hang on.

"Hurry, boys. The eggs are hatching!" Santa said as the eggs were hatching.

"What do we do?" Peter Kriss asked Paul and the gang.

"Wait a second. Everyone knows pterodactyls can't stand the screech of a guitar!" Paul Stanley said as Frank grab his guitar as he plays a Heavy metal guitar solo while the baby pterodactyls began to fall off one by one.

"It's working!" Gene Simmons said as their plan is working until Santa accidently fall off the nest barley hanging on the edged.

Hey, Santa, be careful! Oh, no! Hang on, Santa! Frank and KISS said until the TV turns off as a Clerk sell the TV to a customer.

"Hey, I was watching that! Hey!" Peter said as he and Frank watch the TV and his owner walk away.

"It'll be on next Christmas." Clerk said which piss off both Frank and Peter.

"Who the hell knows when that's gonna be?" Frank said as they both moan.

Meanwhile back at the Mallque/Griffin house Brian watch Tv until the Oven timer dings and it was time to take out the turkey for Christmas eve dinner. As Dramatic instrumental music play as a small bit of fire lands on a round carpet.

Meanwhile Brian ties to open the oven only to burn his paws.

"Ah! If I was an oven mitt..." Brian said as he thinks on where did Lois hid her oven mitts. Until the Smoke detector ringing as Brian run towards the living room to find a fire starting. Brian finds a fire extinguisher, but to his dismay it is merely a novelty item filled with plastic snakes.

"Damn it, Peter!" Brian said as He curses Peter for this.

As we join Stewie sitting on Santa's lap while Santa talking to stewie.

"Ho, ho, ho. And what can I bring you this year?" Santa said

"Oh, a peace offering is it? Very well, what say you trim those gin-soaked whiskers and bring me some plutonium?" Stewie said

"Well, can you be a good boy?" Santa said

"Your inquiry intrigues me. Can any of us be a good boy? Are our primal urges innate, or the result of the choices we make?" Stewie said

"Okay. Wrap it up, kid." John and Tyler said as they are bored.

"All right, Kringle! If the reward is plutonium, then your wager is accepted." I will be "nice." Stewie said as he made his promise while he eventually plays along in hopes of pleasing Santa, who he believes is omnipotent and thereby can supply him with plutonium.

"Good boy! Now smile for the camera." Santa said as he tells him to smile for the photo.

"Yes, yes. Smile, like a good boy." Stewie said as he takes a photo with Santa with john and Tyler posing in the background.

As Dramatic instrumental music as Brain run towards the living room with the real fire extinguisher as he extinguisher the fire but he can control the flow.

"Aaaaaah!" Brian said as he flies around.

As we now join Frank and Peter at the jewelry store

"Aha, Meg's barrettes." Frank said as he makes a grab for the Barrettes until old lady grab it.

"You mean, Julie's barrettes!" Old Woman said as she holds the barrettes.

"You still want 'em, your bony old blue hair?" Frank said as he dodged her titty twister.

"Ow, ow! Tittie twister! Ow, hurts!" Peter said as he got the titty twister, then old lady walk away.

As Dramatic instrumental music, Frank and Peter chase the old lady around the mall until they reach the escalators. When they reach the top floor, they lost the old lady but then the found the mall's map as it reveals the old lady's location, the age of aquariums Fish pet store.

"Aha!" Frank said as he found the old lady, now he and Peter surround her to get the barrettes.

"All the clown fish and yellow tangs in the world can't help you now." Peter said as he gets close to the old lady until the old lady cover them in fish flakes.

"That's it? Fish food? That's your ace in the hole? Hahaha! Well then this is not going go well for You!" Frank said as he grabs the old lady close to him to cover her in the fish food. Then she panics since the fish attack all of them.

"Oh, God! Ow, ow, ow!" Peter, Frank and the old lady were screaming in pain by biting fish.

"ow, I got the barrettes, ow, lets go!" Frank said as he and peter made a run for it leaving the old lady to her doom.

As we join Brain used fire extinguisher to clear out the fire until Brian remembers something important.

"Turkey!" Brian said as run towards the kitchen to turn off the fire of the oven as Valve squeaking empty. Then Brain run to find something to cover his hand when he gets the turkey out until he slips on the fire extinguisher flood.

As Brian Screaming he crash near the tv as it fell on top of him. Now we join the Family in the car while Peter shivers from the fish attack.

"Oh, Mom, Meg, it was horrible. The fish were jumping all over my eyes and in my nose." Frank said as he shivers from his attack by goldfish.

"And on the way out, I think one of them muttered something anti-Semitic." Peter said as he worrieds that the fish might come to attack them at home.

We're almost home, honey. Oh, look. There's the star on the town Christmas tree. We're following it home just like the Three Wise Men. Lois said as she set up another Christmas cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

"So, what did you get him?" Wise Man 3 asked.

"Gold" Wise Man 1 answered.

"Gold? I thought we agreed on a $5 limit here?" Wise Man 2 wondered.

"Yeah. I just got him a crappy little bottle of myrrh" Wise Man 3 explained.

"Hello! Frankincense! You always do this!" Wise Man 2 shouted.

"Okay, okay. Look, we'll put everything together and put all our names on it" Wise Man 3 suggested.

"No!" Wise Man 1 shouted.

"Yes!" Wise Man 3 snapped.

"No! You can't…" Wise Man 1 refused.

 **Cutaway Ends**

As they return the house to find The interior of the house is destroyed, but Brian escapes with minor burns.

"Oh, my God! Brian, are you okay?" Lois said as she Gasping

"I told you we should've left cookies for Santa." Chris said

"My couch! My TV! What the hell did you do?" Peter said as he Hollering at his dog.

"Me? Who the hell buys a novelty fire extinguisher?" Brian said as He curses Peter for this.

"I'll tell you who. Someone who cares enough about physical comedy to put his whole family at serious risk." Peter said as they were about to attack each other.

"Boys, please. It's Christmas Eve. This is a night for magic, and wonder, and joy. Okay, so a couple of things have gone wrong. But we can still have a great Christmas." Lois said as Amazingly, Lois maintains a cheerful attitude.

"Aw jeez, kids. You know, I was this close to losing it. But your mom's right." Peter said Sighing as he calms down.

"Well, sure I am. Meg, honey, get me some paper towels. Let's lose the bad tidings, clean up this mess, and find that holiday cheer." Lois said as the family All Muttering in agreement and she saying that they just need to clean up a bit.

We're out of paper towels. Meg said

"No paper towels? Aaaaahahaah!" Lois Screaming as she freaks out, a dark haze started to surround her

"Hey, I was gonna pick at that." Peter said

"Shut your fat mouth! You all think Christmas just happens? You think all this goodwill just falls from the freakin' sky? Well, it doesn't! It falls out of my holly jolly butt! So, you can cook your own damn turkey and wrap your own damn presents! And while you're at it, you can all ride a one-horse open sleigh to hell!" Lois said She screams at the family about how difficult it is to ensure that Christmas happens without a hitch as she started to growl as she then started to roar loudly as the darkness around her expanded to dangerous lengths. Then she jumps out the window with Panting maniacally to destroy Christmas.

"Oh. Here's the paper towels." Meg said as she notices that she found the paper towels next to the window.

As Lois rampages through Quahog in a frenzied rage, she stomps into a black and white scene of George Bailey saying "I've changed my mind. I wanna live again. I wanna live again!" before He being pushed by Lois into the river below while he Screaming. This is a reference to the film It's a Wonderful Life.

As Jolly instrumental music was playing During Lois' rampage, she runs across a group of children celebrating the creation of Frosty the Snowman.

"Hey, I guess there's some magic in that old silk hat." Frosty the Snowman said as he is thankful to be alive.

As Lois snarling as she walk by the group of children and Frosty the Snowman

Merry Christmas! Frosty the Snowman said until Lois punch Frosty head off.

"Easy, lady." Kid 1 said until he get fist near his face.

"You want some of this!" Lois said Mindless cackling and she walks away. As the kids rebuild Frosty as he wakes again but piss off.

"Ah! What the hell is her problem? Frosty the Snowman said as he walks toward Lois to give her the business.

"Frosty, let it go!" Kid 2 said as she tries to stop him.

"Just a second, just a second. Hey, lady, you got something to say to me?" Frosty the Snowman said as he starts give her the business.

"Yeah, all he did was wish you a Merry Christmas." Kid 2 said as she argued with her.

"Wish? It's easy to wish. But does anyone take responsibility and make it happen? No! You all expect someone else to do it for you like Santy Claus or Mommy!" Lois said as she melts the happy creature by spitting alcohol across a lit match.

"What the... Ah! Take it off! Take it off!" Frosty the Snowman said Screaming The magical hat brings him to life, only to be a curse when it was on fire.

As Eerie instrumental music play mean Lois is going to do something worse.

"Must kill star." Lois said as she reaches the town square, she notices the huge Christmas tree there, looking the ornamental star on top. She now bent on destroying the star.

Meanwhile back at the house, everyone was worried about what they did.

"Frank, Dad, what happened to Mom? What if she never comes back?" Chris said as he asked them about get Lois back.

"I think the bigger question is if this is the way she's gonna act at Christmas do we even want her back?" Peter said as stewie dress in his Jesus costume.

"Which is better? Around the waist or off the shoulder? Waist? Shoulder? Waist? Shoulder?" Stewie said as he is eager to perform a good deed to earn Santa's grace.

"Stewie, I thought you didn't want to be in the pageant." Frank Jr and Meg said as they asked stewie on why he dress for the pagent.

"Oh, Megan, Santa would think it terribly naughty of me not to fulfill my obligation to Mother. You know how much the pageant means to her." Stewie said.

"Where do you think she is?" Chris asked his father on where Lois is and Peter take out a laptop.

"Well, thank God years ago I planted a homing device in your mother's skull for just such an occasion." Frank said.

As the laptop Beeping showing a lot of dot around the map of the country.

"I forgot. I also put 'em in a bunch of squirrels. This isn't goint to do us any good. May as well see if she's at the pageant." Peter said as he slaps his forehead.

At the town square, Lois begins to climb the huge Christmas tree there, bent on destroying the ornamental star on top.

You lied to me. Lois said

Oh, my God! There's Mom! Meg said

Hi, Lois! Hey, do we look like ants down here? Peter said as He dodges a Christmas ordainment that was thrown by Lois.

"Bite me!" Lois said as she continued to climb the tree. When Maddie and Rosie come by with their moms.

"What's your grandmother doing on that tree!?" Maddie asked her friend.

"She seems angry, I forgot why!" Frank Jr said as he scratches his head. That's when Joe comes in with his cop buddies.

"Frank, sorry for being your face, Peter, great time last night. Don't worry. We'll get Lois down." Joe said as his sniper gets his gun ready.

"Locked and loaded, sir." Sniper said as he points his gun at Lois.

"Wait. You can't shoot my mom!" Meg said as she tries to stop them from killing her mom.

"Don't worry, kid. It's just a mild sedative. Go!" Joe said as the sniper fire at a car then the car explodes. That's when peter step up to save the day.

"All right, hang on. Look, Lois is only up there because we sucked the Christmas spirit right out of her. Maybe if she sees the pageant it'll bring her around. Give her a chance, eh?" Peter said as he makes a speech about her wife Christ being drain by his and Frank stupiding.

"Trust him, Joe." John and Tyler said in agreement.

"This man has seen every Christmas special ever made." Brian said as he explains that Peter and Frank have the stuff to save the day.

"Are you wearing a girl's sweater?" Joe asked the trio as he piss them off.

"Does that really matter right now?" John, Tyler and Brian said as Joe back off as get close to Peter.

"You got 10 minutes." Joe said as the babies began to worried.

"There's got to be a way to stop her from destroying everything." Maddie asked the group.

"If you want to stop her, why don't you two go after her by climbing that tree?" Stewie said as he points at his mother on top of the tree and tells them to do what she do.

"Alright... Rosie said as she and sister got nest to the tree.

They both started to climb, as they were booth 3 feet high they stopped and realize something.

"Hey wait a minute..." Maddie said as they stop climbing to realized something.

They realized that while they're climbing, Stewie took pictures of the girls' diapered butts.

"Dahahahahaha... I knew you two were gullible enough, I didn't really ask for you to stop that vile woman, I just wanted you to climb high enough for me to your plastic padded butts from here." Stewie said as he continued to take pictures of the girls' diapered butts.

"Darn it! What is with you and your habit?" Rosie said.

"Are you trying be like Quagmire?" Maddie said as she compares stewie to quagmire.

"Pfft! No. I just like to amused myself with your humility." Stewie said his answer.

"Oh is that so." Maddie said as she appears back of stewie with evil grin.

"Dammit..." Stewie said as he was surrounded and he was so screwed.

Stewie starts to run off but end up being caught by Rosie after she lands on him and restrain his arms, Stewie struggles, but Rosie is too heavy for him to escape as she's on top of Stewie. All Stewie could do is look up at the night sky when Maddie comes up next to Stewie from his low angle view.

"I think us girls will have to give you a special present for you." Maddie said as she grabs stewie by his pants.

"And what present is it?" Stewie asked in fear.

"The gift of discipline." Maddie said as she takes off her diaper off.

The next thing Stewie sees is Maddie's white padded plastic butt under her dress lands on Stewie's face.

"What the deuce are you doing?" Stewie said Muffled by Maddie butt.

The next thing happens is Maddie farted Stewie's face making him scream in panic. Meanwhile, as Maddie was sitting on Stewie's face, Rosie then unbuttons Stewie's overalls and pulls them off, then Maddie gets off and hold's Stewie's while Rosie pulls off Stewie's yellow shirt. Then the two angry toddlers placed Stewie in the manger.

"Let's see how you like it when your humiliated." Rosie said as she takes her cellphone out of her pocket.

She then takes a picture of Stewie with his phone then Frank Jr drags Stewie to the manger.

Meanwhile, Lois looked down and saw Peter in a manger which then snaps out of her rage.

"Lights, please." Peter said as the lights set on him.

"As we all know; Christmas is that mystical time of year when the ghost of Jesus rises from the grave to feed on the flesh of the living. So we all sing Christmas carols to lull him back to sleep." Peter said something stupid which piss off someone in the audience.

"Outrageous! How dare he say such blasphemy! I've gotta do something!" Bob said as he about to go on stage but was stop by his friend.

"Bob, there's nothing you can do." Man said as he stops his friend.

"Well, I guess I'll just have to develop a sense of humor." Bob said as he Sighing as the play started with Bonnie dress as the virgin Mary.

"I am the Virgin Mary. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Oh, Our Savior has arrived." Bonnie said as bob didn't say anything while Bonnie takes out stewie from under her dress for his role and Frank Jr come up stage to introduce his uncle.

"Good evening. My Uncle is playing the role of Jesus. A man once portrayed on the big screen by Jeffrey Hunter. You may remember him as the actor who was replaced by William Shatner on Star Trek. Apparently Mr. Hunter was good enough to die for our sins but not quite up to the task of seducing green women." Frank Jr said as everyone didn't get his response.

"Anyhoo, the perennial dictum is to spread goodwill towards all men. The irony of course is that this is contrary to our nature. So why do we do it? Because we are being watched! And so we unselfishly think of others, assured that our good behavior will be rewarded with love and plutonium." Stewie said as he performs an extemporaneous monologue about Jesus and the meaning of Christmas, Lois watching Stewie, has a change of heart and begins to descend the tree.

"She's not getting it. Okay, boys, take her down." Peter said as that moment Frank Jr shoot her with a powerful tranquilizer dart at Peter's urging. Lois felt the tranqant on her butt as she faint into darkness.

At Griffin house on Christmas day everyone was opening presents.

"Merry Christmas, buddy." Peter said as he gives Brain his gift that's shape like a booze bottle.

"Wonder what this could be...oh." Brian said as he opens it to reveal that the gift was a book. Now we zoom in on Chris, Tyler, Frank Jr, the twins and Stewie opening their gifts.

"This Christmas rocks!" Chris said as he gets a toy car.

As Tyler gets a letter to shows that his last name is biteo and John has another clue about his parents while the kids was about to open their gifts.

"Mom, Stewie's opening his gifts." Meg said as she to talk to her mother but she was out of it by the tranquilizer.

"Mom?" Persephone said as she too tries to get a response out of her but failed.

"It's okay, Girls. Your mom's just full of Christmas cheer and enough tranquilizer to bring down a bull elephant." Frank said as he think that finally he and peter can relax for once on Christmas.

"Uh, honey, you got a little something...you got a little...I'll get it." Peter said as he takes out a napkin to clean out Lois's drool.

"Hungry Hungry Hippos? Claus, you porcine double-crosser! And to think I was nice. Stewie said as he is piss off by his gift and saying that Santa didn't Honor his side of the deal.

"You got another one, dude." Chris said as he passes the gift to Stewie, he then opens it and gasp on what was inside the gift.

"Plutonium! He is real! He's really, really real!" Stewie said with glee.

"Why would you ever want plutonium for Christmas? You do realize Santa doesn't carry that kind of stuff." Maddie said as she questions Stewie's gift.

"That's what they all think, that 'Jolly' fat guy probably uses toys to hypnotize everyone to get you to think what toys you want forget what you actually want, unbeknownst to him is that I don't fall for that stuff." Stewie said as he spread off a rumor.

"Don't say that, you know he could be watching you, in fact, he could watch all of us." Rosie said as she tells him that santa is watch them right now on their behavior.

"Watch us? Ha! How could he watch us? He can't look at all the kids at the same time, they should know that eyes can only focus on one thing, and also, Isn't that naughty of him? He's probably watching us just to amuse him like he could be a pervert." Stewie said as he set up another Christmas cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Santa watching on a monitor looking at Stewie, Frank Jr, Maddie and Rosie

while he's sitting on the couch with his pants around his ankles while masturbating.

Oh yes, this is defiantly 'naughty' of you... heh heh... Come on Stewie, lift those hot girls skirts like last time again, I've got a naughty bone to give coal... Santa said

Mrs. Claus comes in as Santa quickly turns off the monitor.

Santa, are you masturbating at children again? Mrs. Claus said

Dammit Honey, can't you see that I'm having my alone time?! Santa said

 **Cutaway end**

So, Frank, Peter, did you get everything you wanted for Christmas? Brian said

"You bet. A Super Nintendo, A week's vacation, a new VCR." Frank said as he shows them his gifts.

"And best of all, my own copy of Frank and KISS Saves Santa. Peter said as he [play his copy of Frank and KISS Saves Santa as it show the group at the north pole with Santa and miss Claus.

"You just practice that guitar, Santa. Next time we'll let you do a solo." Ace Frehley said

"Don't encourage him!" Mrs. Claus said as they all laugh triumphallly.

"Merry Christmas, Stewie." Rosie said as she give stewie a gift.

"We got you a little something, it may not be... what was it? plu-ton-ni-um? whatever it is...? But I hope it counts." Maddie said with a smile.

Stewie takes his present and unwraps it to find a DVD copy of 'The Sixth Sense'.

"A DVD copy of 'The Sixth Sense', that seems unusual... What this about?" Stewie asked the twin about this movie.

"Why don't you find out for yourself?" Frank Jr said as he walks out of the living room with the twins.

"Alright I will, how bad could it be?" Stewie said

2 hours later, Stewie watched the whole movie and literally turned white after he saw it, he made a one-pound mess in his diaper and unbeknownst to him, there is a wireless camera planted in his room, it was connected to a laptop downstairs in his basement and Brian, John, Tyler, Frank Jr, Maddie and Rosie were watching Stewie's reaction (without the audio) and find Stewie's reaction hilarious and amusing.

"Best. Christmas. Ever." Brian said as he was watching stewie scared look.

"I can't wait to see this once it goes viral." Maddie said as she downloads the footage into youtube.

As we zoom in at the living room with the family.

"From all of us at Family Guy..." Brian said as we zoom in and the Griffin twins.

"...we wish you Christmas joy." Meg and Persephone said as we zoom in at chris.

"May all your wishes now come true..." Chris said as we zoom in at stewie.

"...for every girl and boy." Stewie said as we zoom in at Peter.

"We hope your freakin' holidays are filled with fun and cheer." Peter said as we zoom in at Frank and Frank Jr.

"So have a Merry Christmas and..." Frank and Frank Jr said as we zoom in at Lois said Incomprehensible mumbling.

"Super happy New year!" John and Tyler said as they said what Lois was supposed to said.

In the closing scene, the Mallque and Griffin family, including a heavily sedated Lois, wishes viewers a merry Christmas. Lois sits on a rocking chair, drooling.

 **Chapter ends**

 **I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thanking for pen123 and Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas. Also Doc X me if you want to help with scenes for next chapter because I need the ideas.**


	18. Chapter 45: BG Wallows & PG Swallows

**Chapter 45: Brian Wallows and Peters Swallows**

 **Opening Credits**

 _It seems today that all ya see_

 _Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

 _But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

 _On which we used to rely_

 _Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

 _Lucky there's a man who_

 _Positively can do_

 _All the things that make us_

 _Laugh n' Cry_

 _He's_

 _a_

 _Fam_

 _-ily_

 _Guy!_

 **End**

Now we join Brian at the Taste of Sicily Ristorante with his hot date, a Blonde women name Tina.

"So, uh, tell me about yourself, Tina." Brian asked her.

"Well, I really love music." Tina said.

"Oh, God! Me, too! You know, I just saw Don Giovanni. In my opinion, the best opera of the 18th century." Brian said about his favorite music.

"Definitely." Tina said in an agreement.

"And the use of recitative throughout... Mozart was a genius." Brian said

"Oh, yeah. Reci-ta-tive is really where it's at." Tina said Stuttering which stop Brian's chain of thought.

"Sir, are we ready to order?" Waiter said as he asked Brian and Tina about their orders.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on a second. You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?" Brian said as he is piss off.

"Sure I do! Opera's bitchin'! Okay. I guess I'll have the es-car-got and a glass of chab-liss." Tina said Stuttering her words.

"Same here. Es-car-got and the chab-liss." Brian said as he his mood is ruin.

Meanwhile at the Mallque/Griffin family House, as Idle plinking of piano keys we join Lois and Frank Jr playing with their student Jonas.

"Don't dawdle, Jonas. Play your exercises." Frank Jr said as he instructs his student then Brain came in threw the door.

"Brian, you're home early, what happened with your date?" Lois said as she asked Brain on his date.

"Same thing that always happens, she was an idiot." Brian said as he whines that his girlfriend was so stupid.

"Oh, Brian." Lois said as we turn to Frank Jr with Jonas.

"Don't slow down, Jonas, keep the rhythm. Just watch me!" Frank Jr said as he shows him the note as they all start singing.

 **Lois and** **Frank Jr**

 _Bum, bum, bum, bum. Brian, your standards are ridiculously high, you'll never find a girl unless you're willing to make exceptions and compromise so you can find your love._

 **Brian** :

 _Lois, I don't think I have to compromise a thing, I'd rather be alone than with someone who doesn't get me—oh, and how long has the coffee been on the burner in the kitchen, I could really use a cup about now._

 **Lois** :

 _Oh, it's not very fresh; you see, I meant to make more, but I made the mistake of getting caught up watching_ _Oprah_ _, she had on James Garner._

 **Brian** :

 _James Garner, what's he plugging?_

 **Frank Jr**

 _I don't know, some crappy movie on TNT._

As Jonas finish the piece and he jumps off the seat, he heads towards the exist.

"Very good Jonas, I'll see you next week." Frank Jr said as he waves goodbye.

"So what is it Brian, you don't think these women understand you? Or..." Lois said as she tries to make Brian understand his standers are too high.

"You know, Lois, I'm really not comfortable talking about this amelodically." Brian said as he leaves the room.

Meanwhile in the living room with Frank, Peter, John and Tyler were watching TV. As Lois arrive into the room.

"Peter, I was wondering if you could..." Lois said as she asked Peter about something until peter stop her.

"Hang on a second, Lois." Peter said as they all stair at the TV.

"And now back to The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams." Announcer said as we join Adams and Ben inside the cabin.

"Um, Grizzly? Who's Steve?" Ben said asked Grizzly while he does the dishes.

"What?" Grizzly said as he stop reading his newspaper and start thinking.

"There's a message on the machine from somebody named Steve." Ben said as he asked on who is steve?

"Oh, yeah, Steve. He's new to the mountain. I met him down at the general store. He makes canoes." Grizzly said as he was lying.

"Oh. How come I've never met him?" Ben said asked Adams about Steve.

"He hasn't really been here that long." Grizzly said as he continues to lie.

"Long enough to get your number!" Ben said as he gets jealous when Adams meets another man named "Steve".

"Ben! Ben! Damn it." Grizzly said as he not getting anything from his gay bear lover.

Now we join Peter and his family on the couch.

"Look at that Grizzly Adams, huh? Look at how confident he is, how majestic. Huh Grandma?" Frank said as he admired that bear which gives Peter and idea.

"Lois, I'm gonna grow a beard." Peter said as he is going to grow a beard for himself.

Oh, Peter, you know I hate beards. Lois said as she doesn't like beard until Frank Jr just slap her for that blasphemy.

"No, no, Lois. It's time I joined the ranks of great men with beards. Why do you think Jesus Christ was so popular? Huh? Cause of all them magic tricks?" Peter said as he like beard because of Jesus.

"Listen, Brian's very depressed. Can you and the guys take him with you to the laser rock show tonight?" Lois said as she discusses about Brian's behavior.

"Aw, sure. If there's one thing I'm good at doing, it's cheering people up." Peter said as he set up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Peter at a funeral.

"Mr. and Mrs. Ramsey, JonBenet's untimely death is a tragedy. And I will not rest until I find her killer, or killers" Peter requested.

"Oh, really. Don't bother. Nothing's going to bring our baby back" Mrs. Ramsey refused.

"No, no, I insist. I will make it my life's work to find out…" Peter insisted.

"We're fine! Just drop it!" Mr. Ramsey snapped.

 **Cutaway** **Ends**

Meanwhile at the Quahog planetarium, Peter and the gang were going to watch the laser show.

"The next laser rock show will begin in 20 minutes." Announcer said as it cheers up Frank and Peter.

"You hear that, Brian? A laser rock show!" Frank said as he jumps for the show.

Come on, cheer up, would you? Peter said as he tells Brian to cheer up.

I don't much feel like it. Brian said as he mopes while the gang enters the exhibition hall where they a lecture on binary code.

"Binary is the computer language in which words are translated into sequences of zeroes and ones. Anything at all can be expressed in binary as we demonstrate in this famous scene from The Miracle Worker." Presenter said as we see a performance of The Miracle Worker is performed in binary code.

"Zero one, one zero, one zero, zero one." Annie Sullivan said as she washes Helen while talking in binary code.

[Incomprehensible gibberish] Helen Keller said as she tries to talk in binary code.

"Zero one, one zero, one zero, zero one!" Annie Sullivan said as she washes Helen while talking in binary code again.

[Garbled repetition of binary phrase] Helen Keller said saying the sentence right.

"Zero one! Zero one!" Annie Sullivan said as she and Frank Jr cheer for Helen accomplishment.

Now we join at the Exhibit, 'The Miracle of Electricity.' Old man flicks lamp on and off.

"What, you don't think this is amazing? When I saw this at the 1904 World's Fair, I nearly crapped my pants!" Old man said as Frank Jr just flip him off.

Now we join the gang going near the Virtual reality exhibit to see virtual reality glasses.

"All right! Virtual reality! Whoa, you guys gotta try this!" Quagmire said as he shows virtual reality glasses.

Hey, look at me! I'm a pole in a strip club! It's show time. No! Stop! False alarm! Quagmire said as his face was being slam by fire fighters' dicks.

"Oh, my God! I'm flying', I'm flying'!" Peter said as we see in VR, Peter is seated on an airliner.

Yes, I'll have a Diet Sprite. Peter said.

Now we join the gang at the auditorium play "One" by Three Dog Night ("One is the loneliest number...") plays under laser show visuals. As Brian begins to drink while looking around the auditorium to see couples in love, Frank leave a love text to meg, Frank Jr Drawing a Picture of Korra and Mayor West to own right hand.

"You are a filthy whore." Mayor West said as we zoom in on Brian driving the gang home.

"Okay, Johnny Depp or Richard Grieco?" Cleveland said as Menma, John, Tyler, Rage and Negi freaky out.

"Ah, that's gross!" Quagmire and Frank Jr said as he made puke faces.

"Yeah, let's not do this!" Frank and Peter said as they turn face.

"Come on. If you're secure in your masculinity, you can answer a simple hypothetical." Cleveland said

"All right. Johnny Depp because he kind of looks like a chick, I guess." Quagmire said

What about you guys? Cleveland said to Peter and Frank Jr.

"Oh, man! I don't know. Richard Grieco would probably appreciate you more. You know, not take you for granted. I mean with Johnny Depp, it's like he wouldn't really need you, you know?" Frank Jr said as Peter interrupt him.

"He'd probably sneak out after you fell asleep. Of course, with Johnny, you'd get the financial security. You should go with Johnny." Peter said as Sirens wailing behind the car.

"Oh, great." Brian said as he pulls over the car as he waits for the cop. which was cops were Joe and zeke swanson.

"Brian." Zeke and Joe said as they look at Brian for evident.

"Uh, hey, zeke and Joe. How's it going?" Brian said out the window.

"Pretty good. You were doing a little swerving back there." Joe said as he questions him while give him alcohol test.

"Yeah, me and the boys were just..." Brian said as he blows on the nasal.

"Whoa, you're off the meter, Brian!" Zeke said as he shouts at Brian for been too drunk.

"You're under arrest." Joe said as he takes Brian out of the car and arrest him for being to drunk.

Oh, come on! Brian said as he is being drag into the cop car by zeke.

"Move it!" Joe said as he pushed Brian to the cop car.

"Can One of you guys all right to drive?" Zeke asked the guys in the car on who can drive them home.

"Um, yeah. I can do it." Frank said as he moves towards the driver seat while make noise of million beer cans.

"Great. We'll meet you at the Drunken Clam. We'll tie one on." zeke said as he waves goodbye to his friends.

"I'm very disappointed in you." Joe said to Brian as the reach the car.

ONE MONTH LATER, Outside the courthouse.

"God, a DUI! I can't believe this. I could actually go to jail!" Brian said as he whines.

"It's okay, Brian. You'll get through this DUI, and you'll be a better person for it." Lois said to cheer him up until she was interrupted by stewie.

"Well now, hold on a minute. Don't disguise his alcohol dependence as a ticket to self-realization!" Stewie said as he rips Brian a new one.

"Look, you're not one to talk, all right? You remember that time I gave you apple juice and told you it was wine?" Brian said as he sets off a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

"I think you are a special person" Stewie said it drunkenly and slurred.

"Thanks" Brian smiled.

"Now, come on! I'm being serious. I'm gonna be serious here for a second! Are you gonna listen to me? Are you gonna listen to me so I can tell you that I respect you?" Stewie snickered.

"Man, you're wasted" Frank Jr said.

 **Cutaway Ended**

"Brian, I know this is a bad time for you." Peter said as he tries cheers him up.

"If I have any advice to give you, it is this. Grow a beard." Frank Jr said as he points him to Peter's new beard.

"Peter, I wish you'd shave that thing. Beards are so ugly." Lois said until Frank Jr was about to bitch slap her for defining the beard, until wooly wily appear right next to them.

"Hey!" Wooly Willy said as he making a disparaging remark about beards.

"Oh, relax, Wooly Willy. There's lots of fun things you can do with that. There we go." Lois said as she moves Willie's beard to the top of his head.

"Thanks!" Wooly Willy said as Frank Jr bitch slap her for defining the beard, as the court was now in sanction.

"On the charge of driving under the influence, this court finds you guilty." Judge said as everyone gasp except stewie.

"Yes! Good call. Churn the butter. Ooo, ooo!" Stewie said until Frank Jr, John and Tyler beat the shit out of him.

"In lieu of jail time, I sentence you to 100 hours of community service." Judge said as the Mallque/Griffin family leave as Mayor west come near the bench with a hand with a face.

"Next item. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to join these two in holy matrimony. If anyone objects to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace." Judge said as Mayor west other hand raise its self to stop this wedding.

"Quiet down! You had your chance!" Mayor West said as he shuts down his other hand.

Meanwhile at the Mallque/griffin house in the kitchen, everyone was eating breakfast.

"So, what do you have to do for your community service?" Meg asked Brian about his community service

"I got assigned to the Outreach to the Elderly program. I gotta take care of some old woman who hasn't been out of her house in 30 years." Brian said as he moans

"hey how about John and Tyler join you on help you get this quicker." Frank said as Brain was about agreed until Chris interrupt.

"When I got caught at school with my hand down my pants I had to keep it there for a whole week. Ha! What a week!" Chris said as Persephone pukes her food.

"Chris dude to much information, god!" John and Tyler said in anguish in disgust.

"I don't know, I guess taking care of this old woman would be like babysitting, only with bigger diapers?" Brian said as he agrees with Frank while he makes the babies, Stewie and Frank Jr spit their food.

"AHHA! So they do make bigger diapers." Stewie said as he is now piss off.

"What really?! They do?" Frank Jr said as he looks around for answers.

"Why didn't they tell us about it?" Maddie said as she joins in for breakfast.

"Wait, what are you doing here, Maddie?" Frank Jr said as he asked his friend on why she is here.

"My parents had to work overnight, so they decided I should stay here for the night." Maddie said as she answers him.

That deceitful woman told me that I had to use the toilet, well fie on the toilet, it made slaves to you all. I've seen it sitting in there, lazy slothful porcelain lay about feeding on other people's dodos while contributing nothing on its own to society. Stewie said

Stewie got out of the high and ran to the bathroom entrance pointing at the toilet.

"YOU GET A JOB." Stewie said as he shouts at the toilet.

Cuts back to Frank Jr and Maddie.

"I never known that diapers can be made that big." Frank Jr said in question on bigger diapers.

"And I thought it was a myth." Maddie said also in question on the bigger diapers.

Maddie lifts her skirt exposing her's and looking down.

"So what's the point on moving to the toilet if they're are larger versions of these?" Maddie said looking at her diaper with weird look.

"To be honest Maddie, I really don't know..." Frank Jr said as he pulls down Maddie skirt.

"Maybe we should join Stewie on this, it's probably a waste of time going in those giant bowls." Maddie said as she agreed with Stewie's cause.

"Who knows how long we should stay like this for the rest of our life." Frank Jr said as he set up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Frank Jr and Maddie as teens in high school when a teenage Stewie try to amuse himself by giving Frank Jr a wedgie and lifting Maddie's skirt only to find what he then noticed while he was doing.

"Hey everybody! Maddie and Jr are still in diapers!" Stewie said as he fools them.

Then the bully pulled down Jr's pants and Maddie's skirt at the same time giving making them embarrassed as their adult diapers are in full blown and all the students (except Rosie) laughed Jr and Maddie.

"DAMMIT STEWIE!" Frank Jr said as he ran while trying to pull up his pants.

"You're the one to talk." Maddie said as she gets in front of him.

"What the deuce do you mean?" Stewie said in question.

And by surprise, Maddie got back Stewie by revealing his adult diaper, making the other students switch to Stewie.

"BLAST! Why did I bail on toilet training when I was 3...?" Stewie said as he got served.

 **Cutaway Ends**

No we join Brain and the boys going to Pear Burton's house as he Rings the doorbell.

"Uh, Pearl Burton? My name's Brian. I'm here from the Outreach to the Elderly program?" Brian said as small window open to reveal Pears eyes.

"You're late!" Pearl said as she closes the window of the door and Several locks opening as she opens the door to let the trio in while lacey them with powder.

"Ah! What the hell is this?" Tyler said as he examines the powder.

"Delousing powder! Everyone on the outside is filthy!" Pearl said as she walk around the house.

"Well, you could have given me some warning!" John said as he dust himself of all the powder.

"Here's your warning-it's gonna burn like hell in 30 seconds. I like my tea at 4:00, my dinner at 6:00. And I take my bath at 7:00 sharp, so I can listen to Paul Harvey. You will warm up my bath water with quick bursts from the faucet during commercials only. It's going to take you three a while to get the rhythm-Paul Harvey moves seamlessly into commercials. By the way, it's been 30 seconds." Pearl said as she give them their assignments.

"Ahhhhhhhh!" John, Tyler and Brian Screaming in pain like headless chickens.

Now we join our heroes at the chicken coop having dinner as Peter scratching his beard.

"Peter, stop scratching that thing." Lois said as she is still gross out by the beard.

"I can't. It's itching like crazy." Peter said as he continued to scratch his beard.

"Dad, can me and Frank Jr scratch your beard?" Chris asking his father about he and his nephew to scratch his beard.

"Has Frank Jr help you finished your homework?" Peter asking the boys.

"Yes." Chris said as Frank Jr nodded with the answer.

"Okay then." Peter said as both boys scratch his beard with giggling excitement.

"Brian, you've been awfully quiet. Is the community service not going that well?" Lois said

"Mrs. Griffin, it's horrible." Tyler cried in pain.

"We were cleaning her house all day." John said as he still in pain with the powder.

"It's the worst job I've ever had. Well, except for one." Brian said as he set up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Brian in apron, offering food samples at the supermarket.

"Excuse me. Would you like to taste my smoked-meat log?" Brian asked as a customer punches him in the face, knocking him out.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Now we join the family being server by a waiter in a chicken suit.

"Here you go. Enjoy your food." Waiter said in bland tone.

"Enjoy your studio apartment." Stewie said as Frank Jr nods in that response.

While we join peter eating, some curbs landed on Peter beard.

"Peter, you got a little something right here." Lois said as she points at the crumbs on Peter's Beard.

"Where? Here?" Peter said as he points for it on his beard but gets it wrong.

"No, no, no. Other side." Lois said as she points at the same spot.

"Over here?" Peter said as he points for it on his beard but gets it wrong

"The left side." Lois said as she points at the same spot again.

"Right here?" Frank Jr said as he points for it on the beard but gets it wrong

"Your other left side." Lois said as she points at the same spot.

"Where am I at?" Peter said as he points for it on his beard but gets it wrong

"Up a little." Lois said as she tells Peters to go up his beard.

"Do I have it?" Peter said as he points for it on his beard but gets it wrong

"Up a little." Frank Jr said as he tells peter to a little more up on his beard.

"Is it gone?" Peter as he points for it on his beard but gets it wrong.

"Now go down." Lois said as she tells peter to go down his beard until a bird appear and eats the crumbs, everyone screams until the bird nests in his facial hair.

"Is it gone?" Peter said as the bird screams and everyone is freaky out, then the bird went back to the beard.

"Is it gone now?" Frank Jr said as the bird screams and everyone is freaky out again.

"Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!" Peter said as he runs around like a chicken.

"Peter, hold still! Hold still!" Lois said as she tries to get the bird off until a man stop her.

"Wait, don't touch that bird!" Dr. Goodman said as he interrupts diner.

"What's it to you, pal?" Peter said as he get piss off.

"I'm Dr. Goodman of the Quahog Ornithological Society, ironically dining in a restaurant that exclusively serves poultry." Dr. Goodman said as he introduces himself and tells his ironic placement in this restaurant.

"Doctor, what is this?" Frank asked the doctor about the bird.

"Oh, it's a very rare species. The endangered White-Rumped Swallow." Dr. Goodman said as John and Tyler laught at the name.

"Ha ha! Rump." Chris said as he too laughs at the rump part of the name.

"This isn't funny, Chris! Ha ha ha, swallow." Frank Jr said as he too laughs at the swallow part of the name.

"Look, just get rid of this bird, all right?" Peter said as he is getting more piss off.

"Unfortunately, I can't do that. Once the swallow has chosen its nesting place, it's illegal to disturb it." Dr. Goodman said

"But, he can't walk around with a bird in his beard." Lois said

"I'm sorry, you have to wait until the bird departs of its own accord or you'll be prosecuted to the full extent of the law." Dr. Goodman tells Peter it is against the law to disturb the White-rumped Swallow that has nested in his beard.

"Wow! You sure know a lot of stuff." Meg said while she was impress, as Dr. Goodman was about say that is great to learn somebody interferes.

"It's great to learn." Frank Jr said in a smug tone.

"Because knowledge is power!" everyone in the Diners said.

Now we join Brian, John and Tyler at pear's house feeding her soup.

"What is this? Spit soup?" Pearl said as she questions the soup.

"Tomato bisque." Brian said as he tells her the name of the soup.

"What is this? Snot soup?" Pearl said as she questions the soup again with disgust.

"Tomato bisque!" Tyler said reaped what Brian said.

"What is this? Diarrhea soup?" Pearl said as she questions the soup again with disgust.

"Look, we are not making you anything else." Brain said as he had enough with her attitude.

"So, just eat it, all right?" John said as he too as well had enough with her attitude.

"Fine! Then I'll have to call the judge, and that means you'll go to jail! You're one phone call away from getting a human booster shot from a guy named Molly." Pearl said as she abuse them by calling the cops. They all sigh as they went to the kitchen to fix her something else.

Now we join Frank Jr, Frank, Peter and Lois are at the movies. The bird keeps eating Peter's popcorn

"Damn it all!" Peter said as he get piss off by the bird in his beard.

"Sorry! Sorry!" Frank Jr and Frank said as they apologies to everyone.

As the bird squawks again which disturbed everyone in the theater.

"Hey, shut up! Keep it down! We're trying to watch here!" the Patrons said as he complain about the bird.

"Look, there's nothing we can do, all right?" Frank Jr said as he tries to calm everyone.

"Take it outside, pal! Ever heard of a sitter?" Patrons said as he makes an insult.

"Look, it's an endangered species. What are we supposed to..." Frank said in question?

"I'll make you an endangered species!" Man said as he threats them.

"Oh, good comeback, Potsie!" Frank Jr said as he mocks the man.

"I'll kick your ass, that's what I'll do." Man said as he makes more threats.

"Look, everybody just shut up! Shut up! He has stopped squawking. He's receded into my Grandpa's beard. We can all watch the movie. Shut up." Frank Jr said as he returns To watch the movie.

"Eric, if you're in here, we're all going to Marty's after the movie." Voice said as he tells his friend in the audience.

As we join Peter and Lois in their room at night at the Mallque/Griffin house.

"I love you so much." Lois said as she gets ready.

"I love you, too, honey." Peter said as they begin to kiss until the bird bite Lois tounge.

"What's wrong?" Chris said as he see the bird scream and he scream in terror.

"Now that's it. Your history, pal. No bird Frenches my wife and gets away with it!" Peter said as he on the attack for the bird life.

Now we join Brian, John and Tyler at Pear house change a light bulb.

"Help! Help! I've broken my hip! Brian!" pear shouted from out of the kitchen as the trio ran to help her while stepping on broken light bulb glass.

"5.3 seconds. I could have been dead by now!" Pearl said as she time them by stop watch.

"You mean, you're not really..." Brian said as John and Tyler just felt stupid.

"I heard you drop that light bulb, too. That'll be 67 cents! Now, go warm me up some of that diarrhea soup!" Pearl said

"That's it! we have had it with you, your old hag! You're just a miserable, dried-up shut-in trying to make everyone else feel as bad as you do! Why don't you do the world a big favor and drop dead?" Brian, John and Tyler shouted at her as they storm towards the door.

"This last one won't open." Brian said as the trio couldn't open the door.

"Jiggle it a little bit." Pearl said as she explains how to open the door.

"Like this?" Brian said as he couldn't open the door.

"Nah, here, let me get it." Pearl said as she opens the door, the trio were about to leaving.

"Thanks. And you know-drop dead." Brian said as he, John and Tyler leave while tyelr closes the door behind them.

Now we join ourselves at the Mallque/Griffin house with Peter and Frank Jr play Heavy metal rock music to get rid of the bird.

"Get out of my beard, you squawking bastard! Nothing. Well, I was hoping it wouldn't come to this." Peter said as he takes out a gun to kill the bird.

"Oh my God, Peter, no!" Lois said as she runs toward them

"Grandma/Lois, the bird must die!" Frank Jr and Peter said as they were about to shoot the bird. Until Lois went in to steal it.

As Lois, Frank Jr and Peter struggle for the gun, which goes off, breaking the window and the bird leave the beard.

"It's gone! It's gone! Oh, thank God!" Peter said as he celebrates of his freedom of the bird in his bear.

"Guys, what's that sound?" Lois said as Chirping was coming from Peter's beard to reveal Five baby birds.

"Oh, my God! They're babies. Hey, look, Lois. There are five of them, just like ours." Peter said as Meg, Persephone, Chris and Stewie's heads appear on the first four birds, then nothing on the fifth.

"And uh, um..." Peter said as Boba Fett's helmet appears on fifth bird.

"Sweet." Frank Jr said as he imagines himself as Boba Fett's helmet appears on fifth bird.

Now we join the family watching tv as it shows something shocking.

"We now return to E!'s Mysteries and Scandals. Pearl Burton, the Jingle Queen." Announcer said which shocks brain, John and Tyler.

"Pearl?" Brian said in shocked of pears past statues.

"I'm A.J. Benza. You won't find Pearl Burton's name on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Yet from 1945 to 1960, you couldn't turn on a radio or television without hearing one of her trademark jingles. A.J." Benza said as we see an old commensal with pear sing one of her jingles.

 **Pearl**

 _You're only healthy when you're tan so soak up all the sun you can with Copper-Coppertone!_

"At her peak, Pearl Burton earned 26 grands a year which by today's standards would be just under 49 billion dollars." A.J. Benza said.

"Brian, she's beautiful." Lois said as she copayments her looks.

"Yeah. And that voice. I had no idea." Brian said as he falls in love with her voice.

"In 1961, Pearl used an appearance at Carnegie Hall to make the leap from jingle-singer to artist." A.J. Benza said.

As we see past Pearl sings operatic aria on the tv.

"That's Habanera from Carmen. I've never heard it sung so beautifully." Brian said

"Sing Coppertone! Yeah, Coppertone! Do Doan's Pills! Sing Gold Bond Medicated Powder! Pepsodent! Chiclets! Chiclets!" Audience said as they ruin her habanera and she runs away in shame.

"No one has seen Pearl Burton since that fateful night over 30 years ago. She's presumed dead." A.J. Benza said as the special was over.

"My God! And I said all those awful things to her!" Brian said as they rush toward to pear house.

Now we join Brian, John and Tyler. rushes to Pearl's house, where she is about to hang herself.

"Pearl! Come on, Pearl! Don't do this!" Brian said as he is the only think hold pear from hanging herself.

"You should be happy! I'm taking your advice and doing the world a big favor! Now, move! Your fur is making my feet sweat!" Pearl said as she complains about her sweaty feet.

"Pearl, listen to us. we heard you sing. It was the most beautiful sound we've ever heard in my life." John said as he tells her about amazing sing.

"Sure. Warbling for Vicks VapoRub and Dippity-do!" Pearl said as she thinks that the trio likes her old jingles.

"No, no, Pearl, we mean..." Tyler said as he tries to help pear by explain her talent.

"Ah, stop trying to talk me out of it! I'm a pathetic sellout!" Pearl said as she whines.

"No one who sings Carmen like you is pathetic!" Brian said as he complements her sing the carmen song.

"What?" Pearl said as she stop moving by that response.

"We heard you sing Habanera. You were sublime." Brian said as he and the boys love her habanera.

"You liked my aria?" Pearl said as she is touch by the trio.

"I was overwhelmed." John and Tyler said together.

"You're three were the first whoever complimented my Habanera. Thank you." Pearl said as she thanks them for that complement.

"Well, we'd better get going. we'll see you tomorrow." Brian said as the trio leave towards the door.

"But you're not scheduled tomorrow." Pearl said as she questions them.

"We know." Brian said as the trio smile, knowing they will make have the best day ever.

As Cheerful instrumental music while Peter and the birds montage, as he and Frank Jr are having a picket while peter feeds his birds the bird way. Then Frank Jr takes the birds to the malt shop for milk shakes as they share the milk shake. Then we see them brushing their teeth as peter spits then the birds spit their mouth wash away.

"And then the cow came out of the barn. See? See, look. There's the cow. And what does a cow say?" Peter said as he asks his birds while the reply with peeps.

"Yes, yes, that's right. A cow says peep-peep-peep-peep." Frank Jr said is happy with their response.

"You know, Peter and Frank Jr. they're getting awfully big." Lois said as she ask them about the birds.

"So?" Peter question her response as he tries to keep his birds from leaving his beard.

"So, every good mother knows when it's time for her babies to leave the nest." Lois said as she know they have matured.

"Hey, they're free to go anytime they want!" Peter said as birds attempt to leave until they crash near the window as Frank Jr scopes them up and put them in Peter's beard.

"Fine. we'll let them go." Peter said as he and Frank Jr finally has to bid them a sad farewell.

Now we join the trio at Pearl's as she sings final notes of Ave Maria.

"Pearl, do you rent or own?" Brian said as he ask a question.

"Own what?" Pearl said in question.

"Those wings, you angel." John said as he cheers for pear.

"That was fantastic." Tyler said as he as well cheers for pear.

"That was so incredible." Brian said as he too cheers for pear.

"So, what do you want for dinner? I was thinking about making us that lamb and rice you love." Pearl said as she asks them about what they want for dinner.

"Well, you know, Pearl, what I'd really like for dinner is to go out." Brian said as he wants to take her out for dinner.

"Brian, you know I can't do that. I haven't left this house in such a long time. I'm afraid." Pearl said as she is still agoraphobia.

"I know. But I'll be with you." Brian said as he encourages Pearl to overcome her agoraphobia.

"I don't know." Pearl said as she gets nerves.

"Come on, Pearl. There's so much you've missed in the last 30 years. In fact, allow me to fill you in?" Brian said as he starts an extravagant musical number.

 **Brian** : 

_The sixties brought the hippie breed,_

 _And decades later things have changed indeed_

 _We lost the values but we kept the weed_

 _You've got a lot to see._

 **John**

 _The Reagan years have laid the frame_

 _For movies stars to play the White House game_

 _We're not too far from voting Feldman/Haim_

 _You've got a lot to see._

 **Tyler**

 _The town of Vegas has got a different face_

 _Cause it's a family place with lots to do._

 _Where in the fifties a man could mingle with scores_

 _Of all the seediest whores, well now his children can too._

 _You've heard it from the canine's mouth,_

 _The country's changed, that is except the South, and you'll agree_

 _No one really knows, my dear lady friend_

 _Just quite how it all will end_

 _So hurry, 'cause you've got a lot to see._

 **Brian**

 _The baldness gene was cause for dread_

 _But that's a fear that you can put to bed_

 _They'll shave your ass and glue it on your head_

 _You've got a lot to see._

 **John**

 _The PC-age has moved the bar,_

 _A word like "redneck" is a step too far._

 _The proper term is "country music star"_

 _You've got a lot to see._

 **Tyler**

 _Our flashy cell phones make people mumble,_

 _"Gee whiz- look how important he is, his life must rule!"_

 _You'll get a tumor, but on your surgery day_

 _The doc will see it and say, "Wow, you must really be cool!"_

 **Tom Tucker** : 

_There's lots of things you may have missed_

 **Mayor Adam West** :

 _Like Pee Wee and his famous wrist_

 **Cleveland and Menma** :

 _Or Sandy Duncan's creepy phony eye._

 **Neil Goldman** :

 _That awesome Thundercats cartoon._

 **Diane Simmons** :

 _Neil Armstrong landing on the moon._

 **Meg Griffin and Persephone** : 

_Neil Armstrong? Wait, was he the trumpet guy?_

 **Brian** :

 _So let's go see the USA_

 _They'll treat you right unless you're black or gay or Cherokee_

 _But you can forgive the world and its flaws_

 _And follow me there because_

 _You've still got a hell of a lot to see._

 _You've got a lot to see!_

"Brian, I've missed so much! I wouldn't be standing here right now if it wasn't for you!" Pearl said as she was Heartened by Brian's belief in her, Pearl strides proudly into the street, where she is immediately struck by a truck.

Now we join Brian accompanies her to the hospital.

"She's right in here. Just tell the disorderly when you're ready to leave." Doctor Hartman said something stupid.

"Don't you mean the orderly?" Brian said as he questions his response.

"No, I mean the disorderly. That's a little doctor joke we like to make around here. We also like Kevin Pollack." Doctor Hartman said as we join Brain and the boys entering Pears room.

"Oh, my God, Pearl!" Brian said as they rush toward her.

"Boys, I don't have much time." Pearl said as she is running out of time.

"God, I never should have made you leave the house! This is all my fault!" Brian said as he blames himself.

"Don't be so hard on yourself. Aside from the truck part, this was the best day of my life. I only wish we could have a little more time together." Pearl said as she tells him not to blame himself; it had been the best day of her life.

"We can." Brian said as Brian shares a virtual reality experience with her in which they marry with John and Tyler as best man, they go to Paris to eat and going dance on a crew with John and Tyler, they have children as the family are all together during Christmas, and they all grow old together at a farm.

Now we join Peter and Frank Jr at field during a sunset. Frank Jr calls the birds from Peter bear to land on his fingers and then he lets them go as they fly towards the sunset.

"Good-bye, kids." Frank Jr and Peter said as the birds leave both Frank Jr and Peter cried tears finally to bid them a sad farewell.

While Sentimental instrumental music was playing in the background was ending the day for both Peter, Frank Jr, John, Tyler and Brian love.

As Heart monitor flat line, Pearl quietly passes away as the vision ends.

"Good-bye, Pearl." Brian, John and Tyler said as they caress her cheeks with tear of Farwell.

"Hey, who wants to see a dead body?" Doctor said as he piss of John and Tyler and they close the door while they beat up the doctors for that response.

Now we join them at the drunken clam drinking their sorrows away with booze.

"Rough week, huh?" Peter said as he and Frank Jr drink their drinks.

"we've seen better." Brian said as he, John and Tyler drink martens.

"Guys, looks like somebody's checking you out." Frank Jr said as a couple of blonde were check them out.

"We've-we've not ready yet." John and Tyler said as they went to their drinks.

"You're getting some looks yourself." Brian said as he points out a female bird checking Frank Jr and Peter out.

Me and grandpa not ready either." Frank Jr said as the chapter ends with Frank Jr, John, Tyler, Peter and Brian drinking their beers.

 **Chapter ends**

 **I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thanking for pen123 and Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas. Also Doc X me if you want to help with scenes for next chapter because I need the ideas.**


	19. Chapter 46: From Method to Madness

**Chapter 46: From Method to Madness**

 **Opening Credits**

 _It seems today that all ya see_

 _Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

 _But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

 _On which we used to rely_

 _Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

 _Lucky there's a man who_

 _Positively can do_

 _All the things that make us_

 _Laugh n' Cry_

 _He's_

 _a_

 _Fam_

 _-ily_

 _Guy!_

 **End**

Now we join Brian, Frank, Frank Jr and Lois attend a poorly acted one-man show.

"Ah, thanks for coming you guys. Mark's been trying to get me to see his one-man show for weeks." Brian said as he complains about his friend trying to make come to his show.

"I think it's wonderful you're supporting your old pal." Lois said as she thinks Brian did a good thing for his friend.

"Yeah Brian, its good to do good things for friend even when we all know their hobbies suck ass." Frank said as the show start with mark on center stage

"Go long, Eddie! Go long! Further! Further! [As Mark Playful throws a football and then groaning] Life sure was crazy growing up in Brooklyn. We had some real characters in my neighborhood, like Frank the Mailman." Mark said as he tips his cap to look like his friend Frank.

"Hey, Mark, the ants for your ant farm came today!" Mark said as explain his friend then he turns his cap to look like his friend Mark.

"And my friend Lonny, that knucklehead. 'Yo, Marky, let's play some b-ball.' 'B-ball.' That's what we called it. B-ball." Mark said as he make basketball moves with his hand. "And my grandma. Boy! Was she something else! 'Hey, Marky, don't forget to take your cod liver oil.'" Mark said as then he hunches down to look like his grandma.

As muffled coughing from a random person in the audience while both Frank and Frank Jr fell asleep by that act. Then Lois and Brain look at their watches to look at the deadline.

Afterwards while all the Chattering from Mark act we join the group with Brian being piss off.

"God, what a piece of self-indulgent crap! All the characters sounded exactly the same." Brian said as he complain about the show characters.

"Great show, Mark." Frank the Mailman said in the same tone of voice.

"You really captured me perfectly." Lonny said in every same tone of voice.

"Me, too, Marky. You are so talented." Mark's Grandma said in the very same tone of voice as the others.

"That was awful. You know, with a little practice, I could act circles around that guy." Brian said he boasts that he could easily do a better job.

"Oh, yeah? Well then, put up or shut up." Frank Jr said as he hands Brian a flier.

"This Thursday, auditions for the Quahog School of Performing Arts' upcoming semester." Brian said reading the flier

"You should try out." Lois said as she dares him to audition for the local theater.

"You know, that's not a bad idea, Lois. Okay, ready for the best acting you've seen all night?" Brain said as he walk toward Mark.

"Mark, wow! What a journey! Thank you so much. Those three-and-a-half hours just flew by." Brian said as he congratulates him by acting threw his teeth.

Meanwhile at the quahog ocean on peters boat.

"Hey, Santos, Pasqual. Listen, you guys have done such good work today I got a surprise for you. Doritos! Not now. Later." Peter said as he rewords his Portuguese work with Doritos but not right now after they finish their work.

"I'm going to try and get on that "Millionaire" show." Pasqual said in Portuguese.

"Fantastic! I will be your line for life!" Santos said in Portuguese.

"It's "life-line"! Dammit, those are the kinds of mistakes we can't afford to make!" Pasqual said in Portuguese. Until they hear some shouting for help in the ocean.

"Help! Help!" Dave said as he drown.

"Oh, my God!" Peter said as he runs into his courters to get a life raft.

While Dramatic instrumental music as Peter saves a drowning man named Dave Campbell on his fishing boat.

"Thanks. I was boogie-boarding and I got sucked out by the rip tide. I thought I was a dead man." Dave said as he is cover in a blanket.

"Oh, you've got to be starving. Here, eat these." Peter said as he give him the Doritos that should have belong to the Portuguese.

"Hey! He's giving away our Doritos!" Santos said in Portuguese as he complains about his Doritos.

"In Portugal, I was a cardiologist." Pasqual said in Portuguese as he realized that he wasted his life.

Meanwhile at the Mallque/Griffin house in the kitchen, we join Peter and Lois talking about then man who drowned.

"Oh, my God! He was just floating out there by himself?" Lois said with concern.

"Yep. He was so grateful I saved his life he invited us all over for dinner tonight." Peter said as he and the family are invited to eat at Dave's house.

"Oh, good. I don't have to cook." Lois said as she doesn't have to cook.

"Oh, no, no-go ahead and cook anyway, Lois, and we'll throw it out." Frank Jr said as he walk into the living room.

"I don't want you to get rusty." Frank said from outside the kitchen as Peter enter the living room.

Meanwhile John and Tyler were watching TV as Brian enter the room.

"Say, Guys, my audition's coming up. Would you mind listening to my monologue?" Brian said as he ask them to listen to his monologues.

"Sure, Brian. Let's hear it." John said as Peter joins in as well to listen.

"Julie, there's something I gotta tell you..." Brian said breathes deeply.

"Ha! That's awesome! Go on." Peter said as he interrupts him while piss off John and Tyler.

"...tell you. I saw Doctor Phil..." Brian said as he tries his monologue.

"Wow! Wow! Yes! Yes! I love it!" Peter said until Frank Jr bitch slaps him for that response.

"...Doctor Philips today. I might not make it to Christmas." Brian said as he tries his monologue again.

"Oh, yeah, drop the bomb. Drop it. There's not a dry eye in the house. Keep going." Peter said until John, Tyler and Frank Jr kick his ass for not waiting for Brain to be finished.

"No, you know what? I'm gonna stop. Maybe we'll work on it later." Brian said as he walk away.

Okay, well, just so you know, it was good. But I was also being pretty generous. Peter shouted as he faints from the asswhooping.

Now we join the Mallque/Griffin Family at Dave house as Frank Rings doorbell. The door opens to revel a naked baby boy.

"Well, look at you, you little jaybird. You want to tell your mommy and daddy the Griffins are here?" Peter said as the kid ran as Dave walk in all naked as the Mallque/Griffin family look in shocked.

"Come on in! Welcome, Griffins and Mallques!" Dave said as he questers them to come in.

"We must be early." Lois said stammering as she tries not to stare Dave's winner.

"Oh, nonsense. You're right on time." Dotty said as she come down from the stairs.

"Oh, my God! She's got hair growing out of her boobs and up to her head!" Frank said as he checks out Dave's wife being all nude but covered by her long hair.

"You're, uh, you're completely..." Lois said as she tries not to stare.

"Nude? Yes. We're nudists." Dotty said as she answer them.

"Permission to freak out?" Chris, John, Tyler and Frank Jr said together.

"Peter, did you know about this?" Lois said as she question him about him save a nudists.

"I thought he lost his bathing suit in the ocean." Peter said as he tries to calm his wife down.

"So, you're the man who saved my husband's life. Dotty Campbell. Oh, what am I doing? Come here!" Dotty said as she hugs peter while Peter feels her breast on his chest.

"Watch my hands, Lois! See where they are? No touchie!" Peter said as he show that he not a pervert.

Now we join the gang outside yard of the Campbell household.

"This is the back yard. Feel that? That's premium blue-tip Bermuda. Real hardy, but soft." Dave said as he bends down to rub his lawn while accidently showing his butthole.

"Oh, good lord!" Lois said as she covers her eyes.

"Don't look directly into it, Grandma Lois." Frank Jr said as he and the rest of the family covers their eyes.

"The hot dogs and burgers are ready. Can I get you a beer, Peter?" Dotty said as she come to them with hotdogs.

"What do you got?" John asked her while not look at her nakedness.

"I've got Busch. Oh, and Busch Light." Dotty said as everyone gasp on what she said until she tells them about beer.

Now we join the family eating in Campbell dinner room as they hear the front Door closes.

"Sounds like Jeff's home. Hey, sport! How'd you do?" Dave said as his son, Jeff enters the room with a trophy and completely naked.

"I got first place, Dad." Jeff said as he walks towards the table with Persephone blushing at his body while John gets jelly all over this.

"Way to go, champ! Jeff plays varsity tennis for Saint Genevieve High." Dave said as he congratulate his son for his victory.

"Oh, cool." Persephone said as Frank Jr does kisses face with Tyler laughing.

"Is this the biggest thing you've ever seen?" Jeff said as he shows off his trophy.

"Don't get too cocky. I had a big one like that when I was your age." Dave said as he brags about his high school days.

"Oh, you were a showoff yourself, Dave. He brought it out on our first date." Dotty said as she comments her husband past.

"Lois, I'm scared." Peter said to his wife of his fear and he accidently drops hot dog beneath table.

"I'll get that." Frank said as he and peter goes under the table until Peter accidently touch Dave's penius.

"Hey!" Dave said from his dick being touch by peter.

"Oh, God! Oh, Dave, sorry! Oh, God." Peter said as he panic get nerves from touch Dave's dick.

Now we join the family drive home as they fail to bond with the Campbell family.

"Boobies!" Frank Jr and Chris said as they like boobies from see Dotty's.

"Chris, Frank Jr, that's enough. I'm sure glad to be out of there!" Lois said

You said it. What those people are doing just ain't natural! Peter said

Boobies! Chris said

Did you hear her, Uncle Chris? Frank Jr said

"I don't know what the big deal was. I thought they were nice." Meg said as she likes her new friends.

"I agreed, I don't know what the big deal either. (Until their son come in!)" John said agreeing with Meg and whisper the last part since he like Persephone.

"Boobies!" Chris said as he like Bobbies.

"Frank, Peter?" Lois said as she ask them to fix this.

"Do it." Frank Jr said as he, his father, His mother, his buddies, his dog and Grandparents put on sunglass so Frank jr uses a Neuralizer from _Men in Black_ to arase his memories of boobies

"Did you have fun at the circus today?" Frank Jr asked his uncle and makes him believe he just came back from the circus.

"Elephants are bigger in person." Chris said as he totally forgets about bobbies.

Now we join Frank Jr, Maddie, Rosie, Brian and Stewie at the Quahog School of Performing Arts

"Break a leg up there, Brian." Frank Jr and Stewie said as they wish Brian luck for his audition.

"Well, you seem awfully enthusiastic." Brian said as he question both talking baby.

"At first I wanted you to fail. But then I realized you'd be out of the house five days a week, which means I'd be free to throw some of my sexy parties." Stewie said as in an effort to get Brian out of the house, Stewie encourages the dog to audition for local theater. As he set off a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

While Madcap instrumental music playing

As We see Stewie dancing with women dancing in lingerie as he throws a sexy party. While All girls giggling as they are being chase by stewie.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"Brian Griffin?" Simon said as he announces Brian's name.

"Good luck, Brian." Frank Jr and the talking babies said as they wish Brian luck.

"Hi, I'm Brian Griffin. This is from John Waltz's 'Leaving Wichita.' "Julie, there's something I gotta tell you. I saw Doctor Philips today. I might not make it to Christmas." Brian said as he does his addition.

"Ooh, thank you. Next." Simon said as he and the rest of The judges are bored with Brian.

"Next? Hold on, Brian! Stay up there! Stay there. Now, see here! Brian Griffin is a brilliant actor with talent and passion!" Stewie said as he stands up for Brian.

"But you alleged experts obviously didn't notice. Well, we did notice! we saw a man bare his soul up here! And his pain ran through my heart like an errant locomotive, but it was wasted, wasted on all of you!" Frank Jr said as he grabs a vase and smash on the floor in anger.

As the judges Murmuring for their final vote.

"Well, it looks like we're going to have to reconsider. Brian, we want you..." Simon said

"Yes!" Brian said as he hopes they let him in the Quahog School of Performing Arts.

"...off the stage. But your young friends there would make a perfect addition to the school's Rising Star Program. Simon said as he and The judges are bored with Brian but are delighted with Stewie, who is immediately enrolled in the Quahog School of Performing Arts.

"This calls for a sexy party!" Stewie said as he starts a sexy party.

As Stewie and couple of ladies in their underwear are running around having fun and giggling in the style of the Benny Hill joke. Frank Jr, Maddie and Rosie came in.

"Okay, what is going on?" Frank Jr said as he questions on what happing right know.

"I'm having a sexy party, any of you girls care to join?" Stewie said as he asked the twins.

"I think I'll pass... What about you-" Maddie said as she asked her twin until Maddie noticed Rosie took her dress and her shirt leaving her a diaper, bra and legging similar to the sexy girls.

"I always wanted to party!" Rosie said as Rosie then joins in running around like the other girls.

"Why do I even bother...?" Maddie said as she faces palms her face.

Now we join Frank Jr and Stewie's first day of acting class.

"Well, I didn't fancy seeing you here." Stewie said as he sees Maddie join this school.

"Nice to see you two..." Maddie said sarcastically.

"Okay, funcakes, let's do a scene. Okay, Frank Jr and Stewie, how about you two and...uh, let's see, one of our veterans. Olivia." Simon said

"I'm not doing a scene with them! They are both inexperienced! they'll drag my whole performance down!" Olivia said as she diss them in front of the whole class.

"Are you serious?" Frank Jr asked Olivia about her behavior.

"Is she serious?" Stewie said as he asked the teacher.

"Okay, Stewie, I'll give you a solo exercise. Now, you're gonna do a little exercise we call, "The Life Cycle." Now, without using words, you're gonna act out your entire life from birth to death exactly as I describe it. Okay, ready? Lie down. Now, you're being born. Ready, and burst through the placenta! Now fast-forward. It's your first day of school. You're alone and scared. But it's all right, it's all right. It's sloppy-joe day. Okay, pull it back, pull it back. The lady touched the bun and she's not wearing gloves. Okay, fast-forward. You're a businessman and you manage a lot of people. And here comes Henderson and he lost the big account. You're mad. Madder. Madder! Come on. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! There it is. You got it. And fast-forward. You're an old man now. You're on your deathbed. Your son is there holding your hand. You tell him you accept his lifestyle and regret humiliating him at his only sister's wedding by introducing him as your "other daughter." And, scene. Okay, any comments?" Simon said as he instructs Stewie to "burst through the placenta". This should have been a term like "birth canal" instead of placenta. The placenta is an organ that provides the fetus with food and removes waste, not something that the fetus passes through during birth.

"You are the weakest link! Good-bye!" Olivia said as she made a joke and makes everyone Laugh.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha, Oh, gosh! That's funny. That's really funny. Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. "You are the weakest link. Good-bye!" You know, I've never heard anyone make that joke before. You're the first. I've never heard anyone reference that outside the program before. Because, that's what she says on the show, right? "You are the weakest link. Good-bye!" And yet, you've taken that and used it out of context to insult me in this everyday situation." Frank Jr said as he ribs on her.

"God, what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with that joke all by yourself. That's so fresh, too. Any Titanic jokes, you want to throw at me, as long as we're hitting these phenomena at the height of their popularity? Because I'm here. God, you're so funny." Stewie said Laughs as he joins in this conversation.

Meanwhile at the quahog mall, Frank, John, Tyler and the Griffin twin are shopping for clothes.

"Persephone?" Jeff said as he stops the gang as he said hello.

"Jeff? Wow, hey! What are you doing here?" Persephone said as she greets him.

"They had a sale on Super Soakers! Check it out." Jeff said as he show his water gun.

As Frank and Meg Giggling, while Tyler smirks and John just frown as he gets close to Persephone to block Jeff. Until Jeff was assaulted by water balloons.

"What the heck?" Jeff said as he and the gang spots some random teenagers.

"Nudist!" Teen 1 said as he ran and shouted.

"My dad's a tailor, you jerk!" Teen 2 said as he complains on the nudes for not buy clothes.

"Gosh, that's awful!" Persephone said as she tries to clean the water off

"Ah, that's all right. I'm used to it. Well, I better go. So, um, would you guys want to do something sometime?" Jeff said

"Sure. That'd be great." John said as he shakes everyone hand for the friendship since he feel bad for what happened.

"Cool. we'll call you later." Persephone said as she blushes while walking away inside the mall.

As Sentimental instrumental music, as Jeff has finally made friends while passing Herbert.

Holy moly! It must be my birthday! Herbert the Old Neighbor said as he praises the raping gods.

Meanwhile the Quahog School of Performing Arts, we join Frank Jr and Stewie at band practice until Frank Jr Ineffective blowing his horn and makes Farting noise from his butt.

"Thank you. That was, 'Me Farting' by Chopin. Thank you very..." Stewie said Nervous laughing as he drags Frank Jr out of the musical classroom.

Now we are outside the Quahog School of Performing Arts, we see the babies with Olivia waiting for their parents.

"So, Olivia. Beautiful day." Frank Jr said as he starts the conversation.

"You're not gonna fart again, are you?" Olivia said as she is a being a bitch and that when Lois came by to pick up the babies.

"Well, I'd love to stay and chat. But you're a total bitch." Stewie said as he and the group enter the car with Frank Jr making face for olive remark.

Now we join Frank Jr and Stewie going for a drink of water from drinking fountain as they hear their teacher response.

"The quarterly review's tomorrow. Think all your kids will pass?" Teacher said as she asked Simon about his students.

"Well, I'll tell you who's not gonna pass. It starts with an "O" and rhymes with "Bolivia." Give up? Olivia." Simon said as he tells her that olive is not going to pass.

"Really?" Teacher said in shocked.

"Oh, yes! She's such a little frosty box! She won't work with anybody. And both Frank G Mallque Junior and Stewie Griffin is also on the fence. If they both and Olivia don't deliver at their quarterly reviews, I'll just going to have to kick their cute little bottoms out of here." Simon said as both talking babies look in shocked by this news.

Now we join every kid at the cafeteria, as Frank Jr and Stewie walking towards to Olivia's table.

"Uh, this table is reserved for people with talent." Olivia said as she asked them to leave.

"Stow the 'tude, queenie. You, me and Stewie have a problem. Read it and weep." Frank Jr said as he passes the reports on them to Oliva.

"Doesn't work well with others"? Olivia said in shocked.

"Yes. ours are no better. we'll spare you the details, suffice it to say the phrase "garden variety" appears a number of times." Stewie said as he spars her about their report.

"What am I going to do?" Olivia said as she questions herself on fixing this problem.

"What are 'we' going to do? Look, our evaluation's tomorrow. You need someone to work with and, well, we need someone to make us look good." Frank Jr said as he swallows his pride as he asked her for help in their act.

"I don't know." Olivia said as she having second thoughts.

"Well, fine! Refuse our offer. Get booted out of this place and wind up like Linda Evans." Stewie said as he set up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

"Linda Evans, we have a spill in Aisle 9. Linda Evans, spill in Aisle 9" the intercom at the grocery store announced as there was nobody there.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Now we join Frank, Meg, Persephone, John, Tyler and Jeff making sandwiches in the kitchen.

"Do you like yours with crust or without?" Persephone asked Jeff.

How do you like yours? Jeff asked her on how she makes her sandwich.

"Okay, let's both answer at the same time. One, two, three." Persephone said as she makes a countdown.

"with!" Frank and Tyler shouted their response.

"Without!" Jeff shouted his response.

"Without!" John, Meg and Persephone shouted the same response.

"Holy moly! That's eight things we all have in common!" Jeff shouted as he lucky to have great friends.

"Kids, we're home." Lois said as she and Peter return from shopping for food.

"Hello, Mr. And Mrs. Griffin." Jeff said as he says hello to Lois and Peter, but gets a shocked look by them.

You guys remember Jeff? Frank said as he reintroduces them to Jeff.

"Sure. Lois, I'm gonna borrow your Mace." Peter said as he sprays self in eyes

"Aaaaaaaah, That's better." Peter said as he screams in pain until he can see Jeff's nakedness.

"Guys, did any of the neighbors see Jeff come over?" Lois said as she is worried about what the neighbors would say about Jeff being naked in their house.

"Mom! Come on, Guys. Let's go in the other room." Meg said as she and the group left the kitchen to the living room.

"Now, Guys, no need to get so testes... Testy! Nuts! I mean crap!" Lois said as she tries to correct herself but fail.

"You want to sit down?" Persephone said as she offers Jeff a seat on their family couch.

"Wait a second! Don't sit down yet!" Peter said as he wraps the couch in plastic wrap.

"Pops, what are you doing?" Frank asked his father in law about what he did to the couch.

"I'm uh, keeping the couch fresh." Peter said as he lies threw his teeth.

"Dad!" Persephone and Meg shouted at their father for his dick move.

"It's okay, Guys. I understand what's going on here. I'm gonna go." Jeff said as he leaves the house.

"Oh, just step on these coasters on your way out. There we go, yeah. Don't step on the hot lava. The carpet is hot lava." Peter said as he puts coasters on the floor for Jeff to step on his way out.

"I can't believe you guys!" Frank and John shouted at Peter and Lois behavior.

"Guys, how could you bring that naked kid into our house?" Peter said as he counters back on why they brought Jeff into their home.

"Because we like him! He remembers Persephone name!" Frank said as he explains that Persephone is making a new friend.

"Well, I'm sorry but we don't think you guys should see him anymore." Lois said as she forbids them to see Jeff.

As Persephone Sobbing as she runs up stairs as Lois starting to feel bad on what she and Peter did.

"I hate the sound of her crying." Lois said as she feels bad for what she has said and done.

"You know what sounds even worse?" Frank said as he makes Screech noises on the cellophane of the couch.

"Ah, listen to that." John said as Frank makes Screech noises on the cellophane of the couch which makes Peter and Lois winces by the noise.

"Don't you hate that?" Meg said as Frank makes more Screech noises on the cellophane of the couch which makes Peter and Lois winces more by the noise.

"That is awful." Tyler said as Frank makes even more Screech noises on the cellophane of the couch which makes Peter and Lois winces more by the noise.

"I think it's easier on me 'cause I'm the one making the sound." Frank said as he makes Screech noises on the cellophane of the couch which makes Peter and Lois winces by the noise.

Now we join the babies at the Quahog School of Performing Arts at stage watching a kid play the mime act.

"Okay, nice effort, Brad. But let's remember our performance hierarchy. Legitimate theater, musical theater, stand-up, ventriloquism, magic, mime. All right, next up is Olivia. Liv, what monologue are you doing for us this time?" Simon said as he shows brad the acting pecking order and then calls olive for her act.

"I'm not doing a monologue. I'm doing a piece with Stewie while Frank Jr plays the music." Olivia said

"A duet/Musical number. Really? Well, let's see it." Simon said as they started their act with Frank Jr playing a dancing melody.

 **Stewie**

 _A five, six, seven, eight Who's got the greatest gal around?_

 **Olivia**

 _You do! Who's got the sweetest man in town?_

 **Stewie**

 _You do_

 **Olivia**

 _Who's got a guy who makes her smile all day?_

 **Stewie**

By the way, I'm not so bad to look at either

 **Olivia**

 _Who's got a guy with lots of brains?_

 **Stewie**

 _You do Who's got the girl who loves chow mein?_

 **Olivia**

 _You do_

 **Stewie**

 _Who's got the greatest love in the world?_

 **Olivia**

 _You do_

 **Stewie**

 _And you do_

 **Both**

 _Thank goodness I've got you_

 **Olivia**

 _Who's got a guy to tell her jokes?_

 **Stewie**

 _You do Who's got a girl to show the folks?_

 **Olivia**

 _You do_

 **Stewie**

 _Who's got a girl he'd like to one day undress?_

 **Olivia**

 _Give it a rest, I told you: not until we're married_

 **Stewie**

 _Who's got the gal with all the snazz?_

 **Olivia**

 _You do Who's got the fella with pizazz?_

 **Stewie**

 _You do Who's got the greatest love in the world?_

 **Olivia**

 _You do_

 **Stewie**

 _And you do_

 **Both**

 _Thank goodness I've got you_

As everyone Applause for the performance of the trio act.

"Watch this. Are you watching?" Simon said as he slaps himself in face.

"That's for me ever having doubted you. A-plus!" Simon said until Frank jr slaps him in face.

"And that's for you wearing purple pants with blue socks!" Frank Jr said Wincing as he insults Simon's dress wear for today.

"Heh, we totally called him on it." Stewie said as he brags on what they did on Simon

"Next up we have is, Frank Mallque Jr and Maddie Murdock." Simon said as he introduces the duo.

As Frank Jr and Maddie came on stage dressed like clowns (Minus the makeup). Maddie tossed a cream pie at Jr and then squirted seltzer at him. Jr. Then Jr planted a banana peel on the floor, Maddie on purposed step on it and acted like she slipped on the peel pretending to fall and then got up. Then Jr digs into her pocket and pulls out a handkerchief which attached to another, and another and another so on and so on until he pulled out the last one which is stuck. Jr tries tugging it out a few times.

"Uh, Junior?" Maddie asked her acting partner as this act is going to fail.

With one more tug, Jr finally got the last handkerchief out only to accidentally rip of Maddie's clown pants revealing her diaper making Maddie embarrassed.

"Okay, that wasn't supposed to happen." Frank Jr said to the audience.

"That doesn't matter, you two make a cute duo, but clowns are too scary and over rated. Simon

After this, Frank and Maddie came back to their seated still in their costumes (What's left of Maddie's)

"So Junior, how was your act? That last part with Maddie is certainly appealing." Stewie asked his nephew as the scene fade to black.

Now we are back at the Quahog School of Performing Arts inside Simon office as he is having a meeting with the parents of Frank Jr, Stewie and Olivia.

"Okay, no secrets. I want to share Stewie, Frank Jr and Olivia with the world." Simon said as he wants to take the trio on tour.

"Well, they're awfully young. Is this really a good idea?" Lois said as she worried about the babies' safety.

"It's a great idea. I've always dreamed of becoming an actress. That's not why I'm pushing Olivia to do it. Is it suspicious that I brought that up unprovoked?" Olivia's Mother said as she is jealous of her daughter success.

"Well, I guess it might be okay." Meg said as she is fine with her son going on tour.

"Sure, look at Elroy Jetson. He was a child actor and he turned out just fine." Frank said as he sets up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see an adult Elroy Jetson looking completely messed up.

"Do you know who I am? I'm Elroy Jetson!"

"Yeah, yeah, come back when you have some money. Take him home, Bamm-Bamm" the bar manager suggested.

"Bamm-bamm-bamm!" Bamm-Bamm shouted as Elroy rides home.

"I don't want to go home! Take me to Astro's grave!" Elroy demanded.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Now we join the trio doing their act at shady oaks retirement home in front of old people.

 **Olivia**

 _You do_

 **Stewie**

 _And you do_

 **Both**

 _Thank goodness I've got you_

As the old people Applause and an old man was Laughing at an old lady who broke her hand by clapping until he broke his jaw. Now we join the trio back stage.

"Do you hear that! They love us!" Olivia said as she is excited.

"Yes, we're a hit! You guy were amazing!" Frank Jr said as he was victory dance for this performance.

"Oh, so were you!" Olivia said as she congratulates Frank Jr for the melody.

"It was a good crowd. They didn't even notice that you missed that F-sharp!" Stewie said as he notices that Olivia miss her f-sharp note.

"Yes. Well...beg pardon?" Olivia asked in confusion.

"The F-sharp, darling. You were just slightly off." Stewie said as he made his argument.

"I'm pretty sure I wasn't!" Olivia said as she defends her sing skill.

"Oh, well, maybe it was me." Stewie said as he lies on saying that it was his fault in the act.

"Must've been you." Olivia said as she points at Stewie for his F-sharp.

"he was being sarcastic." Frank Jr said as he tells her that Stewie is play her like a fool.

"Well, it wasn't me!" Olivia said as she tells them it wasn't her fault.

"Well, it wasn't me!" Stewie said as he tells them that he is not at fault either.

" Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. _"_ Stewie & Olivia said as they Singing single notes.

" Ah. Like this, listen to me!" Frank Jr said as he is sick of their argument.

Now we join Peter and Lois at the house watching TV as Frank, Meg, Persephone, John and Tyler come in through the front door all down in the dumps.

Oh, hi, Persephone. Lois said hi to her daughter until Persephone slams door and silently goes upstairs all upset.

"Guys, Peter, Do you think maybe it was unfair to tell Persephone she couldn't see that boy?" Lois asked the gang on their opinion on what she has done.

"Oh, completely." Frank said as he rolls his eyes back all sarcastically like.

"You guys totally reamed her." Meg said as she too made a sarcastic remark

"Did you see that look in her eyes?" John and Tyler said as they both said their mark.

"She hates you." Peter said as he made Lois fell even worse until John and Tyler slap him back of his head.

Now we join the trio and Simon at the marquee as Stewie and Olivia are still arguing.

" Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. _"_ Stewie & Olivia said as they Singing single notes as they leave the van.

"Well, there it is, kids. Your first marquee. Meet you inside." Simon said as he enters inside with Frank Jr to set up their act while leave the duo to talk alone.

"Pretty exciting." Olivia said as she is very nerveless for her first show.

"What? The marquee or the other thing? Stewie said as he is piss off.

"What other thing?" Olivia asking him on what he is on about now.

"You know. The sex. With Simon. Why else would your name and Frank Jr be first?" Stewie said as he complains on why his name is last after Frank Jr's and Olivia's.

"Well, it's obvious. You know, lead with strength. Put your best foot forward, et cetera, et cetera." Olivia said the truth that she is better than Stewie in the act.

"So, the sex was good?" Stewie said as he is now asking for the truth.

"Oh, shut up, you egotistical jerk!" Olivia said as she insults him.

"You shut up, you sap-bellied strumpet!" Stewie said as he insults her back

"Blimp-headed jackass!" Olivia saying another insult while walking inside.

"Mealy-mouthed crotch pheasant!" Stewie said as he follows her then we join them doing their act on stage.

 **Stewie & Olivia**

 _Thank goodness I've got you_

Now we join the Mallque/Griffin house as Jeff rings the doorbell as Persephone answer it.

"Jeff? What are you doing here? I'm not supposed to see you." Persephone asking Jeff on why he is here since she is not allowed to see him.

"Your parents invited me." Jeff said as he answers her.

"her parents? But they wouldn't..." John said as Lois and peter enter all naked.

"Yes, we would." Lois said as she answers her daughter confusion.

"Oh, my God! What are you doing?" Persephone said as she and her sister cover their eyes.

"We were wrong, Persephone. If you guys like Jeff, we should give him a chance." Lois said as she is allowing them to hang out with Jeff.

Yeah. We wanted him to feel welcome in our home. Peter said as he agrees while chris also enters the room all naked.

"Mom, I need new batteries for my Walkman. Hey, why is everybody else naked?" Chris said as he asked on why his parents are naked too while John and Tyler just puke from looking at Chris body.

"Yahtzee! I win! Yeah! In your face! In your face! In your face!" Peter said as he does the bump in front of his daughters for winning at Yahtzee.

"Aaaaaaaah!" Persephone and Meg Screaming by look down.

"I gotta get going. Thanks, Mr. And Mrs. Griffin." Jeff said as he gets ready to go.

"Our pleasure, Jeff." Lois said saying good bye.

"Nice hanging with you, Jeff." Peter said as he waves good.

"I'm sorry about my parents. I hope they didn't embarrass you." Persephone said as she apologies to him about her parent's behavior.

"Are you kidding? I think they're great! It took a lot of guts for them to do what they did. I'll see you later." Jeff said as he bops her noise and walks away out the door.

As Sentimental instrumental music playing meaning as Persephone is finally happy.

"Thanks, you guys. That was really cool." Persephone said as she thanks her parents. While quagmire comes in threw the open door.

"Peter. Can I borrow your lawnmower? folks got a towel?" Quagmire said as he freaky out by Lois's naked body and asked for a towel since he did number three in his pants.

Now we join backstage with Simon, Frank Jr and the sing duo, Stewie and Olivia.

"Simon, would you be a dear and ask Stewie to dance on his own feet tonight?" Olivia said as she complains about Stewie stepping on her feet.

"Pardon me, Simon, could you provide Olivia with a bucket so she can carry a tune?" Stewie said as he makes a comeback insult.

"People! People! Stop this craziness!" Frank Jr said as he stops the argument

"Junior right, the critic from the Providence Journal is here. If he gives us a good review, the doors are gonna fly open! Now, go get 'em, my little sillybillies!" Simon said as he and Frank Jr leave the stage.

"All right, let's just get through this." Stewie said as he gets ready for the act.

"Fine with me." Olivia said as she gets ready until Stewie stops her.

"Wait a minute. You're wearing ruby lipstick. You're painted up like some attention-grabbing Jezebel!" Stewie said as he notices her lipstick and he gets piss off.

"Well, you're one to talk! You've been stuffing your diaper since day one!" Olivia said as she reveals that Stewie puts weird stuff in his diaper.

"It's where I keep my peppermint Mentos! Just because your breath reeks of rotten Lunchables doesn't mean mine has to." Stewie said as he has had it and he pushes her and then she pushes him back then they started to fight.

As Oriental instrumental music was playing while Stewie and Olivia were still fighting.

"Break it up! Break it up!" Simon said as he break off the fight.

"I don't need this act, and I don't need you! You've done nothing but hold me back! I quit!" Olivia said as she walks away.

"The only thing I've held you back from is failure! Come on, Simon. We don't need that little Bebe No-worth!" Stewie said as Frank Jr just walk away as well since this act is going south.

"I don't know, Stewie. Without Olivia this act is like Fire Island after Labor Day. Over!" Simon said as he two walks away.

"Fine! I don't need you! I can manage my own career! Yes…Yes, I'm quite capable of that." Stewie said while Stammering as he takes out a mento

Now we join at the theater with Stewie comes on stage doing his act with a new partner.

Okay, I know what you people are thinking, my act isn't the same without Olivia. So I told her all that and we need each other. So without further ado, I reintroduce Olivia. Could you come on stage? Stewie said as he call out his partner.

As the audience applauds, a girl Stewie's age came on stage but it wasn't Olivia, it was Rosie dressed as Olivia.

"So 'Olivia', are we ready to sing together like old times?" Stewie asked Rosie.

"Stewie, why are you calling me Olivia?" Rosie aske on him on calling her the wrong name.

"Don't worry about it, it's part of the act." Stewie said it in hushed tone.

Alright... Let's do it. Rosie said as she gets ready.

The music starts to play.

"So here's a little classic 'we' once heard, it's about us making amends."  
Stewie said As Stewie begins his part on the song .

 **Stewie** __ _(singing)_

 _You say eether and I say eyether  
You say neether and I say nyther  
Eether, eyether, neether, nyther  
Let's call the whole thing off!_

 **Rosie** _(singing bad)_

 _I like potato and you like potahto  
I like tomato and you like tomahto  
Potato, potahto, tomato, tomahto!  
Let's call the whole thing off!_

Hey wait a minute, Olivia doesn't have a bad singing voice. Audience 1 asked about Olivia sing voice.

 **Stewie** (singin)

 _But oh! If we call the whole thing off  
Then we must part  
_  
 **Rosie** (Singing bad)

 _And oh! If we ever part  
Then that might break my heart!_

"He's right, Olivia never sings bad!" Audience 2 question this girls sing.

"How can she be a bad singer?" Audience 3 asked his friends.

"That's not Olivia Fuller! Boo!" Audience 4 said as he reveals her to be a fraud.

Everyone else in the audience joins in Booing.

"This isn't good... we're loosing them." Rosie said as she freaks out.

"We'll have to keep trying." Stewie said as he does is sing part.

 **Stewie** (Singing)

 _So, if you like pajamas_

 **Rosie** (Singing bad)

 _and you like pajahmas  
_  
 **Stewie** (Singing)

 _I'll wear pajamas and give up pajahmas  
For we _

A tomato got tossed at Stewie as Stewie ducked.

 **Rosie** (Singing bad)

 _know we_

Another tomato got tossed at Rosie as she jumped over to avoided it

 **Stewie** (Singing)

 _need each other  
So we_

As they we're singing, more tomatoes get tossed at them as one knocked off Rosie's wig.

 **Stewie and Rosie** (Singing together)

 _better call the calling off off  
Let's call the whole thing off!_

Music ends as people continued throwing tomatoes at them.

"You won't be calling off these tomatoes." Audience 5 said as he and his friends won't stop throwing these tomatoes.

"Get off the stage!" Elroy said as he threw a bottle at the audience.

Stewie and Rosie ran up backstage now covered in tomato juice.

"Rosie, you blew it, why did you blew it? You told me you can sing good!" Stewie said as he is piss off again with another partner ruin the act.

"I tried to tell you I was trying recover my sore throat I had yesterday!" Rosie said her excuses.

As they was talking, they we're undressing themselves out of their spoiled clothes leaving them in diapers.

"Wait, you we're sick?" Stewie said as he cleans himself.

"I was." Rosie answer him.

She came to a table where she picks up a bowl of strawberry ice cream and continues eating.

"I was nearly fully recovered, and I still need to rest my voice." Rosie said as she explains she need time to heal her voice.

"We'll I'm sorry to hear that... I must've gotten myself to focused on getting back at Olivia." Stewie said as he feel like a dick for drag her without letting her heal her voice.

"Then why don't you just admit in defeat and tell Olivia that your acting gone downhill after you've split up?" Rosie asked him if he lets his pride down and just asked Olivia to come back.

As They start to get dressed into clean clothes as they continue speaking.

"And loose my pride, I think not, she's more of a b*** she is." Stewie said his response that he will never let it go.

"Then have it your way, now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to that ice cream parlor next door to get some more strawberry ice cream." Rosie said her response.

As Rosie walks off to the nearest Ice Cream Parlor.

"And don't expect me to come back, you on your own now." Rosie said it out the background.

Now we join Stewie at the shady oaks retirement home.

"What do you say, Bernie? Two nights at the old rate?" Stewie asked Bernie for a gig.

"Like I told you before, kid, I can't book you without Olivia." Retirement Home Manager said his response.

"But that's the good news. We're back together. She's right here." Stewie said as he holds up ventriloquist dummy of Olivia.

"Hi, Bernie. Glad to be back. Ask Stewie about his sexy parties." Olivia doll said her response.

As Manager slams door on Stewie.

"Ask Stewie about his sexy parties." What were you thinking?" Stewie shouted at his dummy.

"I was just trying..." Olivia doll said her response until Stewie interrupts her.

"I'm not speaking to you." Stewie said as he is not taking to his dummy.

"But, Stewie..." Olivia doll said as she tries to apologies.

Shut up! Stewie shouted at his dummy like a mad man.

Now we are back at the Mallque/Griffin household with Stewie is talking to his dolls, clearly having a nervous breakdown at the backyard with Frank Jr dress up like a therapist.

"I guess the best advice I got was from Marty Scorsese. I was having a problem understanding why I'd be taking abuse from this lower-ranking officer played by Chris O'Donnell. And he told me, "You don't have to understand it. Your character does." Oh, that always stuck with me." Stewie said to his dolls as Frank Jr write his notes.

"Stewie?" Olivia said as she arrives in the backyard.

"Olivia, what are you doing here? I must be an absolute mess. The studio made me fire my make-up girl." Stewie asked as he tries to clean himself up.

"Oh, I just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing. I had heard some things." Olivia asked him about his behavior.

"That it's going great for me? Well, you heard right!" Stewie said as he questions her while being crazy.

"Glad to hear that." Olivia said.

"But, hey, you know, if you're not busy, um, what say you and I get the old team back together?" Stewie asked her to take him back.

"Well, actually, I can't. I'm on my way to Hollywood. I got this part in a movie, and..." Olivia said no to his response.

"What am I thinking? I'd love to. But I'm booked solid. I'm doing a three-episode guest shot on 'The Gilmore Girls.' I'm playing Rory's motorcycle-driving boyfriend. He's a bad boy at heart, but there's some good in there, Olivia. And it comes through, absolutely." Stewie said Stammering

"That's really good to hear, Stewie. Please, take care of yourself." Olivia said as she kisses him on the cheek as Sentimental instrumental music playing in the background.

"See you on the coast!" Stewie said as he watches her walk back to her limo.

"So, did you let him have it?" Limo Driver asked her.

No. He let himself have it. Olivia said her answer.

As we join Brian, Frank Jr and the girls going through a mental institution.

"This is it." Orderly said as he opens the door that held Stewie.

"Hey, uh, how're you doing, kid?" Brian asked Stewie if he is okay.

"Are you from Wardrobe?" Stewie question him.

"No, it's me, Brian and I brought your crew. I brought what you wanted. But they wouldn't let me leave it. So..." Brian:

"Hit it once, please. Just once." Stewie asked him to play it.

Brian hits the tuning fork on his collar.

"Ahh!" Stewie singing as he realized that it was him after all.

"Oh man, I really am off key. No wonder I'm a failure myself!" Stewie Spoken as he feels down to himself in grief.

Oh don't say that. Frank Jr said as he cheers him up.

"You like a great singer to us." Maddie said her response.

"You think so?" Stewie asked them if he really a good singer.

"Do you like tomato?" Rosie asked him.

"No, I like tomahto." Stewie answer her.

"What about potato?" Rosie asked him again

"I prefer potahto." Stewie answer her.

"Tomato?" Rosie said as she starts their routine.

"Tomahto!" Stewie said as they started their act.

 **Rosie** (Singing)

 _Potato_

 **Stewie** (Singing)

 _Potahto  
_  
 **Stewie and Rosie** (singing)

 _Let's call the whole thing off_

"He's back!" Brian said as the other babies cheered as they get ready to join in on the fun.

 **Stewie** (Singing)

 _But oh! If we call the whole thing off  
Then we must part_

 **Rosie** (Singing)

 _And oh! If we ever part  
Then that might break my heart!_

 **Stewie** (Singing)

 _So, if you like pajamas_

 **Rosie** (Singing)

 _and you like pajahmas_

 **Stewie** (Singing)

 _I'll wear pajamas and give up pajahmas_

 **Rosie** (Singing)

 _For we_

 **Stewie** (Singing)

 _know we_

 **Stewie and Rosie** (Singing)

 _need each other  
So we better call the calling off off_

 **Stewie, Rosie, Brian, Frank Jr and Maddie** (Singing)

 _Let's call the whole thing off!_

"Thanks for making me feel better you guys." Stewie said as they leave toward home.

Not a problem, you are my uncle after all. Frank Jr said as he love his uncle, diva in all.

"Good point!" Stewie said as they all walk inside.

"You should." when a new voice joined the conversation.

Rosie and Frank Jr turned around to face the man who had spoken. "Simon?"

"Because I rarely give one." said Simon Cowell, the famous critic.

"Easy, Simon." Frank Jr grinned.

"The competition hasn't even started yet!" Stewie grinned aswell.

"I can't help being judgmental." Simon protested. "It's who I am."

"Alrighty!" Frank Jr answered. "Who's up for a little contest, then?"

Stewie jumped up and down. he knew he'd be scared stiff when he was onstage again, but he really wanted to sing.

This was Family Guy Idol, where people at home could vote. Frank and Meg judged with Simon. Before Frank Jr got ready to pick my song, he asked His mother to write down everything the judges said, because he really wanted to know how critical Simon would be.

Cleveland was first up. His song, _Disco Inferno,_ was for Loretta, obviously. She was right next to him.

"You're on fire, Cleveland!" Simon call. Loretta had blown a bit of fire at him, and it seemed to help.

"No, you're really on fire!" was the next thing that was heard, from Frank, and Cleveland started screaming. OK, it just freaked him out when he realized his butt had a spark on it.

Quagmire sang _Mr Roboto,_ and Meg recorded that Simon wanted him to "get real" and that Frank found his performance "quite robotic".

Connie sang _Girls Just Wanna Have Fun._ Meg told Frank Jr that Simon said Connie should get a makeover and singing lessons.

I was ready by the time the Brian and The Barbershop Quartet sang _Hungry Like The Wolf._ The Barbershop Quartet freaked out after Brian sang that line. "Hungry? Sounds like dinnertime!"

"What?" Brian said, in his usual monotone. I heard Simon say he was hungry for talent, as I was sitting near the judges by that time.

Stewie decided to sing _I'm Too Sexy._ Olivia ended up making him fall down the trapdoor he was standing on.

Joe, Tyler and Rage sang _I Can See Clearly Now._ Ironically, he bumped into bonnie and hit the Frank cover his eyes, Meg cover her mouth and Simon blocked his ears.

Bruce wasn't good, even though he'd told off the others. He danced with Tinkerbell, the fairy, and sang _Sugar Sugar_ in a high-pitched voice _._ I knew he wasn't going to win.

Well, Seamus Levine's _Hooked On A Feeling_ was worse, and Maddie even went up to Simon to tell him what she thought.

Next, it was Rosie turn. she stepped up to the mic, and began to sing shyly to the music " _I like your smile, I like your vibe, I like your sty-le,_

 _But that's not why I love you._

 _And I, I like the way, you're such a sta-ar._

 _But that's not why I love you..."_

It was Avril Lavigne's _I Love You._ Meg told me that Simon's comment was "Song could have been better, singing could have been worse."

John had his turn after Rosie. Rosie cast a spell on his boots, so when he jumped out of them, they made any movement he made. He sang _These Boots Are Made For Walkin'._ Frank Jr especially took note of the triple somersault at the end, when John finally landed back in the boots.

Frank Jr stood near the judges, so he heard Simon remark "The Boy's got my tongue...and possibly my vote." He sighed as he looked at the one empty chair beside him. "Always breaking the rules."

Persephone and Meg were onstage, now singing _What I Like About You._ Simon let a smile appear on his face. "Ogre-all impression...rather wonderful."

Personally, when Frank Jr looked at the contestants, he eliminated quagmire, Seamus Levine, Bruce, Brian, Stewie, and Connie as winners. The announcer decided to mention Cleveland last when it televised the show, so for most of the time all the contestants were being reminded, Cleveland was yelling "Me, me! Pick me! Oh, oh, pick me!" until he finally stopped jumping up and down and settled for standing next to Meg and Persephone.

Surprisingly, Frank Jr was wrong. Simon (and the other two) had a look at the votes from the people watching, and by just four votes, Frank Jr won. he got 67 votes. I had actually gotten 58, which made him smile.

"This one for you Stewie." Frank Jr said as he sang his song on stage.

 **Frank Jr**

 _For what is a man, what has he got  
If not himself, then he has naught  
To say the things he truly feels  
And not the words of one who kneels  
The record shows I took the blows  
And did it my way_

 _Yes, it was my way_

Cuts to credits

 **Seth and Rachel** (Singing)

 _You say laughter and I say lawfter  
You say after and I say awfter  
Laughter, lawfter, after, awfter  
Let's call the whole thing off!  
You like Havanna, and I like Havona  
You eat banana, and I eat banohna  
Havanna, Havona, banana, banohna!  
Let's call the whole thing off!  
But oh! If we call the whole thing off  
Then we must part  
And oh! If we ever part  
Then that might break my heart!  
So, if you like for oysters and I like for ersters  
I'll take oysters and give up the ersters  
For we know we need each other  
So we better call the calling off off!  
Let's call the whole thing off!_

 **Chapter ends**

 **I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thanking for pen123 and Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas. Also Doc X me if you want to help with scenes for next chapter because I need the ideas.**


	20. Chapter 47: Stuck Together Torn Apart

**Chapter 47: Stuck Together Torn Apart**

 **Opening Credits**

 _It seems today that all ya see_

 _Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

 _But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

 _On which we used to rely_

 _Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

 _Lucky there's a man who_

 _Positively can do_

 _All the things that make us_

 _Laugh n' Cry_

 _He's_

 _a_

 _Fam_

 _-ily_

 _Guy!_

 **End**

Our episode begins with the Mallques/Griffins go to a bulk store name CostMart

"Gosh, some of this stuff, you wonder who would ever need it in bulk. I mean, like watermelons." Peter asked as he point at the 12-pack of watermelons ale.

As Gallagher is seen buying a 12-pack of watermelons at both Frank Jr and Peter shocked.

"Touché, CostMart." Frank Jr and Peter said in response.

"John, Tyler and Brian, will you watch Stewie for a minute?" Lois:

"Sure." Brian and the boy said yes to her command.

And please keep a close eye on him. Remember what happened last time. Lois said as she sets up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Stewie with a normal head bouncing on the bed.

"Stewie, get down before you hurt yourself" Brian demanded.

"Shut up! You're not my mother!" Stewie shouted as his normal head has turned into a football.

"Good God! Are you alright?" Brian asked.

"Fine. Why do you ask?" Stewie wondered.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Now back at CostMart with Peter and Frank Jr at a free sample on sausages.

"Mmm, delicious. I will seriously consider purchasing this product." Peter and Frank said as they leave, then Peter 2 and Frank Jr 2 with their glass and funny noses.

"What have we here? May I partake?" Peter 2 and Frank Jr said Exclaiming approvingly of the food they ate. Then a samurai Peter and Frank Jr appeared.

"Ah, Sausage-san. Plan to buy great amount for samurai buddies." Samurai Peter said as Samurai Frank Jr just bow in response.

"Sir, you don't have to keep moving to the back of the line. You can have as many as you want. They're free." Clerk said as he doesn't like these twos behavior.

"What are you talking about?" Samurai Frank Jr asked him as Frank Jr come in.

"Can I have some more sausage?" Frank Jr asked the clerk about having more sausages.

"Yeah. Me too?" Frank Jr 2 asked as he too wants more sausages.

"Ooh, they got a great deal on pianos if you buy a four-pack. Meg, help me get these down." Lois asked her twin daughters for help on moving one black piano.

"Lois?" Ross said as Lois runs into an old boyfriend, named Ross Fishman.

"Oh, my God!" Lois said piano crushes Meg and Persephone on its weight.

"I can't believe this. Ross Fishman, is that really you? I haven't seen you since college. How are you?" Lois asked ross on what going on with his life.

"Great, great. Wow, Lois! You haven't aged a bit." Ross comments Lois on her looks and she blushes.

"Oh, thank you. This 12-pack of fungicide is for my daughters, Meg and Persephone." Lois said as she introduces her daughters to ross while ignore their condition.

"Help us, Please." Persephone asked everyone for help to get rid of this piano off them.

As Gallagher crushes melon on Meg's head; all laugh until Frank and John appear and grab Gallagher's hammer and bonk him on the head, everyone laughs at that. Then they got the piano off of the Griffin twins and they walk away.

"Those two are funny." Man 1 said in the crowd.

"That was great." Man 2 said in the crowd as well.

"Is it 1981?" Man 3 said in the crowd as he asked about the year.

Now we join stewie walking around the store while inhaling a tasty smell for babies. As Stewie finds super glue to eat.

"Ah, yes, there you are! You people at the Industrial Adhesives Corporation certainly know how to make a tasty glue. Well then, let the banquet begin!" Stewie said as he tries to taste some.

"Whoa, whoa, what the hell are you doing? Don't eat that." Brian said as he, John and Tyler arrive to stop him.

"Oh, for God's sake! Don't be such nerds!" Stewie said an insult to the trio.

"Look, we are supposed to keep an eye on you. If Lois sees this, she'll kill us." John said

"You can let go of my hand now." Stewie asked Brian to let go of his hand.

"You can let go of mine." Brian said as he asked stewie to let go of his hand.

As they Both grunting trying to pull themselves apart of each other until they are Panting from exaction whiel bumping into Maddie and Rosie in the mall. As Dramatic instrumental music as Frank Jr, John and Tyler realized that Stewie, Maddie, Rosie and Brian hands are instantly joined together by the super adhesive industrial glue which never comes unstuck.

"Oh..." Brian said the first part of been doomed.

"...crap!" Stewie said the second part of been doomed.

Now we join Lois and ross at the clerk ale to pay for the stuff.

"Ross, I can't tell you how wonderful it's been to see you. It's a crime that it's been so long. We were so close." Lois said as she enjoys meet with her old boyfriend.

"Maybe we could get together for a cup of coffee, catch up." Ross asked her to meet again.

"Well...I don't know, Ross. I'm married now." Lois said as she is worried Peter's jealousy will prevent her from meeting up with Ross again.

"Well, so am I. Does that mean we can't stay in touch with old friends? Tell you what. If you change your mind, here's my card." Ross said as he gives her his number.

Now we join Jeremy the Terminally ill Boy, as he picked out new kidneys at CostMart with his mother.

"Hey, look, Dad! They have 12-packs of kidneys!" Chris asked his father about the 12-packs of kidneys.

"Yeah, but you got to buy the cooler, too. That's how they get you." Peter said as stores always separates stuff that are important for people and makes them buy both separately.

Now we join ourselves at the Mallque/Griffin household with Frank Jr, Maddie, Rosie Brain, Stewie, John and Tyler in the living room.

"Okay, thanks." John and Tyler close their call.

"Well?" Stewie asked for the solution of their problem.

"The good news is the same company makes a solvent that'll get us unstuck. The bad news is it takes two weeks for delivery." John said as Now he and Tyler spend the rest of the episode trying to hide Brian and Stewie predicament until the release solvent arrives.

"You're telling me that we're stuck like this for a bloody fortnight?" Stewie said in shocked in waiting two weeks for the solvent.

"You cannot tell Lois about this." Brian said to stewie as they hide the problem from Lois.

"Oh, and what if I do?" Stewie asked them.

"We'll show her the pictures of you wearing her wedding dress." Tyler said as he blackmails Stewie to not tell or he told him he would show Lois the pictures of Stewie in a wedding dress.

"You said there was no film in that camera!" Stewie shouted at Brian for lying to him. As Lois arrives in the living room.

"Come on, Stewie. Time to change your diaper." Lois said as she needed to change Stewie's diaper.

"Mind if we watch?" Brian, Maddie and Rosie said as they all in stewie and Frank Jr room as Lois changes stewie's diaper.

"And I'm just ashamed of myself that I let Peter's jealousy prevent me from rekindling an old friendship just because it was with a man." Lois said as she sick's of Peter's behavior.

"Yeah, Peter's not exactly the most understanding guy with you and other men. Like that time at the movies?" Brian said as he set up another cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

"(Stammering) My, this is terribly awkward. But I wanted to tell you something. But I don't know. I seem to be so charmingly befuddled" Hugh Grant said.

"Oh, that Hugh Grant is so handsome" Lois complimented.

"Oh, is that how it is? Come here, you home-wrecking b***!" Peter shouted.

"Don't do it, Dad! He's bigger than you!" Chris demanded, but Peter punched the movie screen.

"And when you went to that concert?" Brian recalled.

"Thank you, thank you very much. This next one is for all the ladies out there" the singer said as Peter arrives and punches him.

"And then there was last Saturday night" Brian added.

"Look at that handsome man" Lois said.

"You son of a b***!" Peter punches the mirror.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"I can't let Peter's irrational emotions run my life! I'll call Ross and see if it's not too late to take him up on his offer. Would you mind finishing up?" Lois asked Brian to finish up stewie diaper change.

"Uh, sure." Brian said as he begins to change stewie.

"Yes, yes, do you like cleaning my doodie, Brian? Say it. Say, "I like cleaning your doodie, Stewie." Ha! Don't forget the taint. Stewie said as he insults him while everyone else rolling their eyes by that joke.

No we join Frank, Frank Jr, Chris and Peter watching Magnum, with pi music and titles on TV.

"TC, you fly the chopper around the island. I'll go talk to the beautiful women. And Tattoo here will keep an eye out for the kidnappers." Magnum said as he gives his friend his assignments

"Higgins." Higgins said as he tries to correct Magnum of his name.

"We'll need to have security unlock the gate for me out front. Okay, Tattoo?" Magnum said as he directs Higgins of his assignment while saying the wrong name.

"It's Higgins." Higgins said as he tries to correct Magnum of his name.

"What?" Magnum said in response.

"The name is Higgins." Higgins said as he tells him his real name until he was slaps by magnum.

"What's your name?" Magnum questions Higgins in a piss off tone.

"Tattoo!" Higgins said as he gives up and said his new name.

Now we join the family back on the couch.

"Oh, um, Peter, Guys, I'm just gonna go out for a few hours. So, I'll return in a few hours." Lois said in very guilty tone as she leaves towards the door.

"Yeah, we'll do it when this is over." Frank said to that response.

"Hey, Lois, can you grab me a beer? Lois?" Peter asked Lois for a beer but no beer.

"Dad, I think she went out." Chris said to his father questionable response.

"All right. Then you be Lois." Peter said to Chris to be Lois.

"Okay." Chris said in response of the question as he takes the roll of Lois.

"Hey, Lois, can you grab me a be-oh, my God! You've really let yourself go!" Peter said as he insults Chris about his weight.

"Well, maybe if you bought her some nice clothes once in a while!" Frank Jr said to that response while Chris cries by his father response like a woman.

As Siren wailing and everyone in the house freaks out to see outside was a police van.

"Frank Mallque and Peter Griffin, we know you both in there! Come out with your hands up!" Joe said as both Frank Mallque and Peter walk out the door.

"Fooled you!" Cleveland said as he, Menma, Negi, Quagmire, Rage, Zeke and Joe appear inside of the Police van, they All laughing.

"Yeah, you sure did." Frank said to that response.

"What the hell is this?" Peter question them about the van.

"It's the new police surveillance van." Zeke said to Peter question.

"We're going on a beer run. Want to join us?" Joe asked them about joining them for a beer run.

"Nah, we quit drinking. Frank thinks we might be alcoholics." Peter said very sad tone while Frank nods.

"What? Cleveland, Menma and Negi said.

"Oh, my God!" Joe, Rage and Zeke said in horror.

"Oh, man!" Quagmire said in horror.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha, we Fooled you! Come on, let's go drink till we can't feel feelings anymore." Peter said as he and frank join in this beer run.

Now we join the gang inside the van as Joe gives them a tour of the latest police tech.

"This van has the latest in law-enforcement technology. Watch." Joe said as he activates the law-enforcement system.

"Suspect! Suspect! You have the right to remain silent!" Van said as it arrests peter with cuffs.

"Sweet." Peter said as he is being let go.

"Hey, let me try. Cleveland said as he goes towards the machine.

"Cleveland, don't!" Zeke said as he warns Cleveland about the system problems about black people.

"Minority suspect! Minority suspect! Danger, he's got a gun!" Van said as he beats Cleveland up and plant a gun on him for evident.

"Oh, ow, ow! Oh…" Cleveland shouting in pain as he being assaulted by wooden bats.

Now we join then gang leaving the quahog mine-mart with food as the van was gone.

"Oh, no, the van's gone!" Quagmire said in horror.

"No, no, it's got a cloaking device that disguises it as two homeless guys fighting over a wedge of cheese." Rage said as he deactivates the cloaking device that disguises it as two homeless guys fighting over a wedge of cheese that now reveals the van.

"Hey, Peter, isn't that Lois over there in that diner?" Quagmire said as he points at Lois being in a diner.

"What would Lois be doing at a diner? We already ate." Peter asked this vey question.

"Take a look." Joe said as he hands Peter his binoculars.

"Oh, my God! That is Lois! Why the hell would she... Whoa! I can see your skin cells!" Peter said as he sees Lois until he turns and looks at Joes skin cells.

"I saw you on the cover of Scientific American. You looked great." Cell 1 said to cell 2.

"Oh, please! Where my eyes are half-closed?" Cell 2 said as he complains about himself closing his eyes in photo.

"God! Just take the damn compliment." Cell 1 said as he gives his cell friend the business.

Now we join everyone in the van as they spy on Lois.

"What the hell is Mom doing with another man?" Frank asking on why is Lois with another man.

"Is it possible she's a whore? You know, just on weekends to help pay for her mom's dialysis? As in my fantasy? You know what? Let's just start over. Hi, I'm Quagmire." Quagmire said something perverted and he makes an excuses to reintroduce himself to stall time.

"I wish I knew what she was saying." Peter asked for some way to find out what Lois is saying.

"I think I can help." Joe said as everyone enter the van to move the van close to Lois and Ross location.

"Your wife and children are beautiful. It's so good to catch up, Ross. I'm glad I called." Lois said as she is glad she came.

"I'm glad you did, too. Was your husband okay with you coming here?" Ross asked her about her husband.

"Uh, yes, he turned out to be just fine with it." Lois said her answer quickly.

"All right. Let's see what we can pick up." Joe said as he active the mic to listen in to Lois and ross conversation.

"Please don't spit in my eggs. Please don't spit in my eggs. "Thank you for the eggs!" God, I hope he didn't spit in my eggs!" Mort Goldman conversation was heard by the gang and Joe turn the dial to find Lois and Ross conversation.

"Hey, Doug. I just spit in that guy's eggs." Waiter said as he is the one spit in Mort's eggs and he was heard by the gang. Frank just thought to get Mort some payback later on.

"Our armies are ready. Soon it will be time to leave the sewers and strike back at the humans in the overworld." Rat said as he was heard by the gang and Frank just add the rat in his shit list. Until They finally found Lois voice in the mic.

"I'm glad we both found someone to make us happy. I really enjoy being with you, Ross. I'm having a great time." Lois said that she enjoys being here with his friend.

"Oh, my God! That's who that is. Ross Fishman, Lois's old boyfriend." Peter said as he realized who Ross Fishman really is.

"I think we're losing them." Joe said as they loss their signal.

"Wait! I got to hear more!" Peter said as he moves the dial to get back on Lois conversation.

"Mr. Griffin, the power's not supposed to go that high!" Zeke said as he tries to stop him until everyone hears someone familiar who is in the van with them.

"Damn, this itches! I wonder who gave it to me. Probably that skank who needed a ride to the gas station! Last time I do somebody a favor!" Quagmire thoughts were heard by the gang as they look at him for more info.

"Oh, God! They must have heard me! Oh, God! I can hear me!" Quagmire thought said as he panics while he tries to distract them with something else

"BA DA-DA-DA-DA-DA BA-DADA BAMPA, BAMPA!" Quagmire hums 'The Stars and Stripes Forever'? in his mind so they can't hear more of his thoughts.

Now we join ourselves in the room of Frank Jr and Stewie as they hear Moist noises. As Frank Jr and Stewie wake up to find Brian licking himself down stairs of his body.

What the hell do you think you're doing? Stewie Exclaiming as Frank Jr just made a puke face.

I'm cleaning myself. Brian:

"You were clean 15 minutes ago!" Frank Jr said as he tries to go to sleep.

"Now you're just on vacation." Stewie said as he too tries to sleep as well.

So, Lois is seeing old boyfriends, huh? Well, two can play at that game. I just gotta find my little black book. Peter said as Dramatic instrumental music is playing in the background.

While Peter tries to find his little black book, he uses a device similar to the ark-finding amulet from Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Ah, here it is. Peter said as the scene fades to black.

As we now join Peter and Frank outside a random house, while Peter rings the doorbell.

"Brenda?" Peter said as he and Frank look shock on how see look.

"Peter! Oh, my God! It's been 25 years!" Brenda said as Frank Just puke.

"Yeah. I guess you're married now, huh?" Peter said as he rubs Frank back to see if he is finish.

"Yeah." Brenda said as a baby come out of her while crying.

"Ricky, you were right! I was pregnant!" Brenda said as both Peter and Frank just walk away.

Now join Peter and Frank outside a random house, as Frank rings the doorbell.

"What's up, Pete? Long time no see." Peppermint Patty said as Frank look shock to see one of many character from the peanuts.

"Gosh, Patty! The years have been great to you." Peter said as he complements her looks.

"Well, I owe that to my better half." Peppermint Patty said as Marcy come to the door to kiss Patty.

"Who is it, sir?" Marcy said as Frank rolls his eyes sarcastically.

"I knew it!" Frank said it as he knew these characters were gay along.

Now we join the duo at the last person's house on peter's little black book, as Frank rings the doorbell and the door opens to see the attractive but mentally unstable ex-girlfriend of Peter Griffin who appears to be wearing her prom dress.

"Uh, Angie?" Peter said as he looks at her appearance in shocked.

Peter? Oh, my God! Come in and bring your friend! Angie said as she lets them in to see the house has pictures of peter in his youth.

While Eerie instrumental music is playing in the background as Frank looks around to see nothing but pictures of Peter in his youth and then notice a shrine of his father in law.

"Uh, what is all this stuff?" Peter asked her about he is seeing here.

"Peter, I have been waiting for this moment for 25 years! I haven't washed my hand since you last touched it." Angie said as she is so obsessed with Peter that she never washed her hand after Peter last touched it.

"Oh, my God! That's disgusting!" Frank said as he holds on his lunch in his mouth.

"And look! Look! I left the toilet just as it was the night we went to prom. It's the little piece of you that's kept your memory alive. But now I have you back..." Angie said as she explains kept Peter's feces in the toilet after he defecated in it on prom night and did not flush. Frank warns peter quietly to leave and when Angie turns around they both flees.

"Oh, well. At least I still have you. You hungry?" Angie said as She talked to it as though it were alive and sprinkled fish food on it.

Now we join Brian, Stewie, Frank Jr, John, Tyler, Maddie and Rosie in the car drive toward home as Siren wailing.

"Oh, crap! All right. Let me handle this. Brian said to the gang to be quite as he will handle it. "

"You were going 65, fella. That's 10 miles over the...why are you holding that infant's" hand? Cop asking question about Brain speeding until he notice Brain holding hands with Stewie.

"We met on the Internet. Stewie said a joke about him and Brain being gay.

"Shut up!" Brian and the gang said as they tell Stewie to shut up.

"Yes, he lured me down to the park with promises of candy and funny stories." Stewie said as he tells the cop that Brian is going to rape him until Maddie bitch slaps him to silences him.

"Officer, you ever hear of that super industrial adhesive?" Frank Jr asked the cops about the super glue that stick people together.

"Actually, yes, we have." Cop 2 said as he appears to be stuck on his partners back.

Now we join the family eating at the dinner table in the kitchen as Meg notice her father doing something.

"Dad, how come you keep looking at the door?" Meg asked her father as to why he is looking at the window.

"Oh, Meg. You and your drugs." Peter said something stupid to distract her while rubbing her head until he hears The Doorbell rings.

I wonder who that could be. Peter said as he leaves the table to answer the door to revel a hooker.

"Peter Gifford?" Hooker asked peter if he is her costumer.

"My God! Dora, my old girlfriend. What a surprise that you would want to look me up! You always thought I was so handsome." Peter said as he brags about having and awesome love life in front of his family which piss off Lois for he hires a hooker.

"Peter, can I see you in the other room?" Lois said as she calls him to the other room, it's shown a room that is supposed to be Lois' piano room, with a fireplace. Meanwhile the hooker sits down as Brian, Stewie, Frank Jr, John and Tyler were discussing about what to ask the hooker about.

"Yeah, go. Say it." Brian said to Stewie to asked her.

"Should I?" Stewie asking Frank Jr his response.

"Yeah." Frank Jr said his response.

"I can't." Stewie said as he is nerves.

Just say it. John said as he tells him to ask her the question.

"Okay. How far can you get this banana...I can't say it. She's looking right at me." Stewie said as he chickens out for her looking at him.

Meanwhile in Lois' piano room, Frank Listens in of Peter and Lois argument.

"Peter, what the hell is this about?" Lois asked him about the hooker.

"I'll tell you what it's about. It's about you and Ross Fishman!" Peter said his responses.

"What?" Lois said as she is shocked as to why peter know about her hang out with Ross.

"I saw you with him the other day breaking the fifth commandment! Congress passes these things for a reason, Lois!" Peter said as he explains that he was spying on her.

"That's it! Peter, you're suffocating me with your jealousy. I can't take it anymore. I'm calling a marriage counselor. I can't even have coffee with a friend without you freaking out! What is your problem?" Lois said as she can't take it anymore of Peter's jealousy p.m.'s.

"You want to know what my problem is? You want to know what my problem is? I love too much!" Peter said as he explains that he loves everything to much.

"Peter, what are you talking about?" Lois ask him on what he is talking about.

"Don't you see, Lois? We're alive!" Peter said as he says something crazy.

"Peter, you're scaring me!" Lois said as she is frightening by Peter's behavior.

Good! Embrace the fear! Dance with me, Lois! Dance the dance of life! Peter said as he dances across the room until he crashes into china cabinet.

"Yeah, maybe you should call that marriage counselor." Frank said as everyone nod while the scene turns to black.

Now we join Peter and Lois at the quahog marriage counseling building with Frank Jr, since he wants to help them with their problems.

"Mr. And Mrs. Griffin, I have reviewed your situation and I have a suggestion." Marriage Counselor said as he reviews them.

"We're willing to do whatever it takes." Lois said as she wants to make this work.

"I'd like to put video cameras in every room of your house so that I can observe your uncensored behavior." Marriage Counselor said as he suggests that he watches recorded films about the family.

"Wow! Just like that show, Big Brother." Frank Jr said it out loud.

"Except somebody'll be watching." Peter said as he finishes Frank Jr statement.

 **One week later**

"All right. I've looked through all the video footage. I've compiled what I believe to be an accurate cross-section of your home life. Here are the results." Marriage Counselor said as he presses play on the tv while it shows them what happen last week at the Mallque/Griffin household.

It shows Peter and Frank Jr watching tv while Chris was playing ball in the room until he brakes vas.

"Peter, give Chris a spanking." Lois said as she takes the basket of clothes upstairs.

"Okay. Frank Jr, I'm watching the game. You know what to do." Peter said as he gives orders to Frank Jr to give Chris a spanking. Which he does as Chris pulls down his pants and lays on Frank Jr legs as he gives Chris his spankings.

This hurts me more than it hurts you. Frank Jr said as he spanks Chris

"Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow!" Chris Shouting in pain by Frank Jr spankings.

Now they are watch Frank jr with his parents, Chris, John, Tyler Persephone, Peter, Brain and Stewie reading Lois diary in Peter and Lois's room.

"Dear Diary, Kevin is so hot. Today he was out in the yard raking leaves. God, I wish I was young so he'd throw me into that pile of leaves!" Frank reading aloud the entry of Lois Diary.

As everyone in Peter and Lois room All laughing at that entry.

'Hey, what's everybody... Oh, my God! My diary! I hate you all!' Lois wailing as she runs away in sadness meanwhile Frank and Peter crack opens their drinks.

"Keep going." Peter said as he tells Frank Jr to keep reading the Diary.

Then they see Frank, Frank Jr, Peter and Chris in grass skirts in the living room doing A Hula until Frank Jr slaps both Peter and Chris.

"No. It's step-hip-step-pivot. Are you trying to piss off the volcano?" Frank Jr said as they mess up the dance to please the volcano.

Now they see Brian and Stewie bathing together with John and Tyler supervisory.

"Get my back, would you?" Stewie said as Brain rubs his back with a sponge.

"Oh, that's it. Ooo, that feels good." Stewie said as he feels relaxes while Brian also relaxes with John rubbing his back while Tyler does John's back as well.

Now we join Peter in the kitchen trying to open a jar while Lois is putting in groceries.

"Hey, Lois, can you give me a hand with this jar?" Peter asked for her help in opening this jar.

Oh, For heaven's sake, Peter! Lois said as she opens the jar which Bees swarm from jar and Lois screaming trying to run away.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha, Gotcha!" Peter said as lois rolls on top of the tables until she falls off. Then the tv turns off by the Marriage Counselor and Frank Jr was asleep by most of the taping.

"To be honest, I've never seen such dysfunction. Mr. and Mrs. Griffin, what I'm about to suggest may seem unorthodox. I recommend a trial separation, during which time I advise that you date other people. I believe this will help you gather perspective on your marriage." Marriage Counselor said After a week of filming, as he comes to the decision of splitting up for a short time, to gain perspective on their marriage.

"Date other people?" Lois said in shocked of separating her from peter and their family.

"Oh, my God!" Peter said by same result.

"I realize this is very upsetting for you. That's why I've invited Howie Mandell to lighten the mood by blowing up a surgical glove with his nose." Marriage Counselor said as he calm them down.

As Howie Mandel enters and does his surgical glove routine, then passes out, cuts his head on the table, and begins bleeding on the floor. Which woke up Frank jr by the noise.

"Ha-ha-ha-ah!" Frank Jr Laughing at him on the floor.

Now we are back at the Mallque/Griffin house as peter is pack up to leave to gain perspective on his marriage.

"Boy, this feels really weird, Lois." Peter said as he feels weird leave home.

"I know. But maybe the doctor's right. This time apart could be good for us." Lois said as she calms peter if they do this they will return to normal as well their marriage.

"I don't know, Lois. Splitting up didn't work too well for Pac-Man and his wife." Peter said as he set up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

"Hey, c'mon, buddy. Forget about her" Red Ghost said.

"Yeah. You're too good for her anyway" Green Ghost added.

"Cheer up, man" Yellow Ghost suggested.

"Hey! You want to eat us? Huh? We're turning blue! We've got nowhere to run!" Red Ghost cheered as he and the ghosts turn blue.

"Oh, my God! He's gonna get us!" Yellow Ghost warned.

"Yeah, he's not budging. Come on. Let's go to Q*Bert's" Red Ghost surrendered as the ghosts turned back to normal.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Now we join Peter entering Cleveland house.

"I really appreciate you putting me up, Cleveland." Peter said as he gives him thanks about letting him sleep here in his house toning.

"Our house is your house, Peter. I'd sit here and chat with you, but I need to get back upstairs to Loretta because it's our anniversary and the gettin's good." Cleveland said as he get up stairs to do his wife.

Now we join Peter in the couch trying to sleep but he hears Cleveland yelling in pain and loud banging from their love making.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! When is it gonna be my turn?" Cleveland asking Loretta for a turn but she keep up slamming him.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!" Cleveland said in pain from the slamming as they continued.

Now we are at the Goldman household with Peter in house.

"You are welcome to stay with us as long as you like." Muriel Goldman said as she welcomes him to his house.

"Thanks, Muriel. So, uh, what do you guys do for fun around here?" Peter asked on what they do in their house.

"We like to watch old movies while listening to Hotel California to see if it synchs up in a significant way. And so far, no. Nothing has." Mort Goldman said his response which was boring.

Now back at the Mallque/Griffin house, we join Lois in the living room sitting on the couch reading until Phone rings.

"Hello?" Lois said as she answers the phone.

"Hey, Lois. Is Peter there?" Quagmire asking for peter.

"Hi, Quagmire. No, Peter's not home. We're, uh-we're having some minor marital problems. Our therapist has advised us to date other people." Lois said as the phone hangs up as she heard footsteps come towards the house which reveal quagmire entering threw the door.

"Hey, Lois, you want to go out?" Quagmire asking her out on a date.

"What? I don't know, Glen. Peter and I just separated. I feel like I need more time." Lois said as quagmire panics as he looks at the clock and smash it to move the hands to make time go faster.

"How about now?" Quagmire asking about the date

"We are supposed to see other people. I guess it's better to go out with you than some sex pervert." Lois said as she excepts quagmire's response to a date.

"I'm in! Giggity-Giggity-Giggity-Giggity Goo!" Quagmire said Jabbering excitedly as he enters the home.

Now we at the YMCA Pool as the baby twins, John, Tyler, Brian and Stewie swimming together.

"God blast it! Would you hold it for five seconds?" Stewie said as he Panting for air for an hour.

"Okay." Stewie said as Brain continued to swim with Stewie attached.

Now we are at the Goldman household with Peter in the living room with the goldmans.

"So, Mr. Griffin, how does it feel to be a bachelor on the prowl once again?" Neil Goldman asking peter of him being a bachelor again.

"It's not as great as you might think. I just don't have the same way with women that I used to." Peter said as he sets up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

"That was nice. That was nice. I had a really great time with you today, beautiful stranger. What's your sign? (Laughing) Gross. I still think you're neat though" Peter joked as he was with a woman in a bikini at the beach.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"You should try a video dating service, Peter. That's how Muriel and I met." Mort Goldman said as he explains how he got his wife.

"Let me show you Mort's tape. He was so charming." Muriel Goldman said as she puts on Mort's tape of his video dating service.

"Ah! Oh, my eyes! Could you please turn down that very bright light? It's burning my retinas. Ladies, I'm a very desperate man. My name is Mort and I live with my mother. And I have very low standards." Mort Goldman said as he sneezes in his hands.

"Oh, God! There's blood in my mucus!" Mort Goldman said as he looks at his mucus cover hands in shocked.

Now we join John, Tyler, Maddie, Rosie, Brian and Stewie relaxing in front of the house until Fly buzzing, then Brian swatted with his glued hand which was attach to Stewie. It also woke him up.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Stewie said as he slaps Brian and he slap him back until the mailman arrives.

"Hey, there's the mail!" John said as he rushes the man to get the item. Now we join them inside the kitchen.

"Finally, all right, it says it takes an hour for this solvent to take effect." Brian said

"Well, let's see. What takes an hour?" Tyler asked the group and while everyone was think of ideas.

"We could watch Rita Rudner do five minutes of stand-up." Stewie said as everyone roll their eyes by that idea.

"Ba-zing." Maddie said as we now join Quagmire and Lois leave for their date and going to quagmire's car.

"Oh, boy! We're gonna have a swell time tonight, Lois." Quagmire said as he walks toward the car with Lois in hand.

"Glen, thank you for being such a good friend and looking after me like this." Lois said as she thanks him for being a good friend.

No problem. It's chilly out, so I brought you a jacket. Quagmire said as he offers a jacket to keep her warm.

"No, thanks. I'll be fine." Lois said as she doesn't need the jacket.

"Please?" Quagmire said as it reveals that the jacket's sleeve is connected to his pants crotch area. Meanwhile Frank and Tyler sneak in to spy on them.

Now we join ourselves at the Goldman household with Peter and Frank Jr siting on the couch as the Goldman's come in with a guest.

"Peter, Muriel and I both feel that you need to follow your therapist's advice and start dating." Mort Goldman said as he gets peter out of his funk.

"Aw, geez, Mort! I don't know if I'm ready." Peter said as he questions himself.

"Come on, stud. We've got it all set up for you to go out with our niece. Honey, come on out here and meet Peter Griffin. Peter, this is our niece, Jennifer Love Hewitt." Mort Goldman said as it is revealed that Love Hewitt is the niece of Mort and Muriel Goldman, and thus cousin to Neil Goldman.

"Nice to meet you." Jennifer Love Hewitt said as she says hi to him. While Frank Jr slap him on the head to make him say hi.

"All right, I'm getting up. Hi. Peter Griffin. Where do you want to go?" Peter said as he asked on a date.

"Anywhere except the disco. They don't let Him in anymore." Frank Jr said as he sets up another cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see people dancing in disco music as Peter arrives wearing a blindfold and hits the disco ball with a pinata stick.

"Crappy Mexicans and your damn candy!" Peter complained as he left the disco ball in broken pieces.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Now we join Brian, Stewie, Maddie, Rosie and John walk down the street until they notice a group of people look down a well.

"What's going on?" Brian asked a man about what's going on.

"There's a little girl down in that well." Man said as he points at the well where the girl fell in.

"Oh, my God!" Brian explain in panic while the twin look in shocked.

"Unfortunately, nobody's arms are long enough to reach her. Except that one guy. But he's helping that woman tickle a midget in a tree." Man explain what's going and points to a man whose helping an old woman tickle a midget in a tree.

"Hee-hee-hee! Stop it!" Midget said as he being tickle by the long arm man. As we turn to the gang, both Brian and the twin look in Stewie with a sad look while he stars to cave in by their presser.

"Oh, God! You want to rescue her, don't you? It's times like this I wish they'd used me for stem-cell research." Stewie said while he complains about their idea as he agrees to help. Now we see them looking down the well to see the girl.

"Help me!" Girl exclaim from the well.

"It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again. Ha!" Stewie said a line from the film The Silence of the Lambs as he sees the girl stuck in the well.

"All right, I'm gonna lower you in. Then Maddie and Rosie are going to lower me for you to reach her." Brian said as he explains the plan to save the girl.

"I just noticed. How often do you see a 17th century well in this day and age?" Stewie said as he is being lower down the well.

Hurry up! The glue's wearing off! Maddie explain as Dramatic instrumental music playing in the background while right before the glue wears off, they help to save a little girl in a well.

"All right! All right!" The gang shouted joyfully for saving the girl.

"We did it." Brian shouted in victory.

"Job well done." Stewie said his complement to the group.

"And, we're not stuck together anymore." Maddie said as she notices they are not attach to the people they were attach too.

"Thank God!" Rosie exclaim for being separated.

"You said it." Brian said his option as they went silent for a moment.

"You guys want to hold hands on the walk home?" Stewie asked them to hold hand as they go home.

Yeah, sure. John said as the group hold hand as the lady grabs the girl.

"Oh, Susie! Thank God you're all right! Wait a minute. This isn't my little girl." Mother said as she realized that this girl was not her girl and she drop her back in the well.

"Hey, that was my wife!" Midget said as the group realize that the "girl" is actually the midget's wife as he jumps in after her in the well and the man with the long arms goes down and tickles them.

"TEE-HEE. TEE-HEE." Little people giggling from being tickled.

Now we join Peter, Frank Jr and Jennifer at the Taste of Sicily Ristorante talking about what movies that Jennifer was in.

"I Know What You Did Last Summer?" Jennifer Love Hewitt asked him about this movie if he has seen it.

"Never heard of it." Peter said his response.

"The Devil and Daniel Webster?" Jennifer Love Hewitt asked him about if he has seen this movie.

"Nope." Peter said his answer.

"Party of Five?" Jennifer Love Hewitt asked him about if he has seen this movie.

"Was that a porno?" Peter asked if this movie was a porno as she signs by that response while Frank Jr cheers her up.

"Hey, hey, don't worry about it. Sometimes you gotta do a lot of crap before they put you in anything decent." Frank Jr explain to her that she has to do some shitty movie until she gets one right. As the waiter appears with their appetizers with peter getting a pie.

"Aw, the food here is fantastic. This is where I took Lois on our first date." Peter said as he is getting hungry.

"You ordered a pie for an appetizer?" Jennifer Love Hewitt aske peter about his appetizer choice.

"Oh, yeah, don't worry. I'll go to the john and fire one out in five minutes. That should make room for dinner." Peter said as he and Frank Jr were eating the pie.

Now we join Lois as she enters the same restaurant with her date, quagmire while frank and Tyler were spying on them.

"Here's your table, Mr. Quagmire." Waiter said as he shows them their table.

"Thanks. Hey, how about a couple of drinks?" Quagmire asking the waitor about some drinks.

"Certainly, sir. Martini for you and the usual roofie colada for your date?" Waiter asked him if he getting his usually order while Frank and Tyler look in shocked by that order.

"No, no, no. I wouldn't bring...a glass of wine." Quagmire said as Frank and Tyler both realized that they need to keep an eye on quagmire. As Lois spots Jennifer on her table all alone.

"Oh, my God! That's Jennifer Love Hewitt! Wow! I wonder who she's here with? She could date any man she wanted to." Lois said as she girls out by seeing some celebrities.

As we see Peter and Frank Jr leaving the men's room with toilet paper attach to their pants whiel going back to their table with Jennifer.

"There. Made lots of room." Peter said as he was done making room for his stomach for dinner.

"Hey, waiter. That sign in the bathroom about washing your hands...that's only for the staff, right?" Frank Jr asked the waiter about the signs in the bathroom about being there for the staff.

"Uh, technically, yes." Waiter said his answer.

"That's what I thought. Great." Frank Jr said as he is okay with that answer.

"Oh, man! These all look good, every one of them. You want some bread?" Peter said as he grabs all the bread and he offers Jennifer some of it.

"No!" Jennifer Love Hewitt shouted her answer as she moves her head away from the bread being shoved to her face by peter.

"Peter, is that you?" Lois said as she now knows that peter is dating Jennifer.

"Peter? Oh, no! I can't let him see me!" Quagmire said as he shoves his head inside Lois's cleavage.

"It's okay, Quagmire. We're just doing what the therapist said we should do." Lois said as she walks toward Peter's table. While Frank and Tyler jump quagmire to teach him a lesson.

"Peter, I think it's great you're out with Jennifer Love Hewitt. Hi. I loved you in "Heartbreakers." You be on your best behavior." Lois said as she explains the rules to peter while she is okay with him dating a celebrity, while she goes back to her table to notice quagmire a beat up and unconscious.

Now we are back with Peter and Frank Jr eating spaghetti while peter tries to feed Jennifer like a baby.

"Here you go, sweetheart. Open up." Peter said as he tries to shove his food down her mouth.

"No!" Jennifer Love Hewitt said until the food smothers her mouth.

"There you go. Isn't this romantic?" Peter said as he made Jennifer piss off.

"That's it! You have got to be the most vile, disgusting human being I've ever met! And I have never been more turned on in my life." Jennifer Love Hewitt said as Peter's behavior became increasingly gross and obnoxious which turned on Jennifer and she began to make love to him.

As Lois displays her own jealous rage by attacking Jennifer Love Hewitt on a date with Peter.

"Hold on, toots! I don't care what our therapist says. I won't stand by and watch my husband lock lips with another woman! Now, beat it!" Lois said as she beat up Hewitt out of jealousy.

"What's your problem, Grandma?" Jennifer Love Hewitt explain in anger.

"You are! And I only saw Heartbreakers on a plane! And the flight was delayed, so the headphones were free!" Lois said as she knocked her out.

"Wow! That was pretty cool, grandma/Lois." Peter and Frank Jr said in surprised.

"Gosh! I guess I finally understand..." Lois said as Jennifer tried to fight back.

"Aaaaahaaaaah!" Jennifer Love Hewitt screaming as she slams a chair on Lois but she gets her ass beat by Lois.

"Yeah, you better run, you little bitch! I guess I finally understand how you can get so jealous sometimes. Seeing her kissing you like that just made me crazy." Lois said as she managed to fend her off as she explains that she too gets crazy jealous sometimes.

"Well, I guess you two just gonna have to learn to control our own jealousy together." Frank Jr said as Peter nods in agreement.

"Together." Lois said as the two decide to live with their mutually jealous nature.

"Ma'am, you dropped your napkin." Waiter said Peter knocked him out.

"Here's your drink, sir. Waitress said as Lois knocked her out. Until Frank decided to ends their date with each other and with the two being finishing off by being punching out by Frank and Frank Jr. before they knock out any waiter or waitress that comes near them.

"Ah, we'll work on it later. Let's go home son." Frank said as he drags them out of the restaurant

"I love you, dad." Frank Jr said as he opens the door exist.

What a couple of freaks! God, I need a drink! Jennifer Love Hewitt said as she asked for a drink when Tyler came in out of nowhere.

"Waiter! Martini and a roofie colada!" Tyler said as Jennifer Love Hewitt decides to hooked up with Tyler, who ordered a roofie-colada for her, which is customary for quagmire to order for his dates.

As for quagmire he is still knocked out on the table all alone.

 **Chapter ended**

 **I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thanking for pen123 and Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas. Also Doc X me if you want to help with scenes for next chapter because I need the ideas.**


	21. Chapter 48: Road to Europe

**Chapter 48: Road to Europe**

 **Opening Credits**

 _It seems today that all ya see_

 _Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

 _But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

 _On which we used to rely_

 _Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

 _Lucky there's a man who_

 _Positively can do_

 _All the things that make us_

 _Laugh n' Cry_

 _He's_

 _a_

 _Fam_

 _-ily_

 _Guy!_

 **End**

As 1950s movie music and Jazzy Family Guy Music played in the background.

The first Pics of this new adventure starts off with the screen that says "Family Guy Presents Brian, Stewie, Frank Jr, John & Tyler in" as it displays Brian, Frank Jr, John, Tyler and Stewie in order with top hats and canes each in their hands while they were in front of a purple background.

A second pic shows a British flag that says "Road to Europe"

The third shows Stewie and Frank Jr on a bull chasing Brian, John and Tyler. The credits on the top of the image read:

Original Created by Seth MacFarlane

Remake Created by Frank G Mallque

The fourth shows Brian taking a picture of Stewie mooning a British guard while Frank Jr, John and Tyler laughing. The credits shown read:

Original Developed by

Seth MacFarlane

David Zuckerman

Remake Developed by

Frank G Mallque

The fifth shows Stewie, John and Frank Jr keeping drunken Brian and Tyler on his feet in France. The credits shown read:

Original Executive Producer

Seth MacFarlane

Remake Executive Producer

Frank G Mallque

The sixth shows the gang at night with a torch looking at some stone rocks or something. The credits shown read:

Original Executive Producers

Dan Palladino

Remake Executive Producers

Frank G Mallque and Andrew "TheRegans!"

The seventh shows them flying a paraglider across Europe. The credits shown read:

Original Co-Executive Producers

David A. Goodman

Original Supervising Producers

Mike Barker & Matt Weitzman

Original Original Producers

Allison Adler & Gene Laufenberg

Remake Co-Executive Producers

Frank G Mallque and Andrew "TheRegans!"

Remake Supervising Producers

Frank G Mallque and Andrew "TheRegans!"

Remake Producers

Frank G Mallque and Andrew "TheRegans!"

The eighth shows them driving at night away from the crooked building. The credits shown read:

Original Supervising Directors

Peter Shin & Pete Michels

Remake Supervising Directors

Frank G Mallque and Andrew "TheRegans!"

The ninth shows them playing matter horns on a hill. The credits shown read:

Original Produced by

Kara Vallow

Remake Produced by

Frank G Mallque and Andrew "TheRegans!"

The tenth show them in a condula at night, rowing down the rivera river. The credits shown read:

Originally Written by

Daniel Palladino

Remake Written by

Frank G Mallque and Andrew "TheRegans!"

And the final one shows them above Europe in a hot air balloon. The credits shown read:

Original Directed by

Dan Povernmire

Remake Directed by

Frank G Mallque Frank G Mallque and Andrew "TheRegans!"

In the living room, Frank was on the floor watching television while Chris, Meg, John, Tyler and Brian were on the couch. This kept going until Stewie and his crew came rushing in towards the TV.

"I say! It's 4:00. Away with you!" Stewie said as he and the other babies changed the channel and sat down.

"Nooo!" John and Tyler shouted

"Stewie! /Frank Jr!" Meg and Persephone shouted at the babies.

"Change it back!" Chris moan at the babies to change the channel back.

"No fair." Frank whine about his TV time and at his sons behavior.

"Forget it. Jolly Farm Revue is on. It's the latest indoctrinating Pablum for children with not enough to do." Brian said as he explains that this show is the kids of the world best thing ever.

"Hey! Shut up!" Stewie and the babies said to shut them up as Everybody left for the babies to enjoy his show.

"Wakey-wakey, children." Mother Maggie said as she walks the kid of the show.

"Good morning, Mother Maggie." Children, Stewie & crew said hello to mother Maggie.

"The sun has risen on another day in Jolly Farm. Let's see what life's rich pageant has in store for us." Mother Maggie said as she gets the kids ready for a good day.

"Oh, she has the voice of an angel!" Frank Jr explain about Mother Maggie's amazing voice.

"Not to mention a balcony you could do Shakespeare from." Stewie said something dirty until Maddie slap him behind the head.

"Play your song, Melody Sheep, to aid the little ones' nourishment. But play softly, for Pengrove Pig wishes to read aloud from his magic tome that holds every book ever written." Mother Maggie said as the babies repeated what she has said while looking at the Pengrove Pig read from his magical book.

"These were difficult times for the children of Ipswich, when the lollipop famine cursed their pleasant village. " Pengrove Pig said as he reads from his magic tome which contains every book ever written.

Brian, John and Tyler came into the room.

"How can you stand watching this?" John asked them about watch this show and how ut is stupid.

As Stewie and his crew didn't say anything.

"It's dreck and you know it." Tyler said worse stuff about the show.

While Stewie and his crew were still distracted.

"Oh, don't have the guts to respond, huh? No intelligent defense of this unmitigated crap?" Brian said as he challenged them.

"Commercial!" Stewie said as he raised himself and punches Brian in the balls.

While Frank Jr and the twins kicked John and Tyler in the nuts.

"Oww!" Brian, John and Tyler Groan in pain by the babies surprised attack as they fell to the floor.

We're gonna get some graham crackers. Stewie said as he and his crew walk toward the kitchen to get some food.

Meanwhile Upstairs in Peter and Lois room, Peter and Frank were watching TV in his room. The show they were watching was KISS Forum, Rhode Island Public Access' most popular show about KISS.

"Welcome back to KISS Forum, Rhode Island Public Access' most popular show about KISS." Moderator said his intro of the show.

"Mom/Lois, hurry! It's back on!" Peter and Frank said they shout for lois to hurry up as she is miss the show.

As Lois laid down next to Peter in bed.

"Calm down, You guys. You know I wouldn't miss a second of this." Lois said as she calms them down.

"Okay, let's take a call. You're on KISS Forum." Moderator said as he answers a caller.

"KISS rules!" Caller 1 shouted from the phone.

"Okay, good call. Good call. All right. You're on KISS Forum." Moderator said as he answers another caller.

"Yeah. KISS sucks!" Caller 2 said as this caller insulted the band kiss on TV.

"Whoa!" Moderator said in shocked about this caller response.

"Trace the call! Trace the call!" Peter and Frank shouted at the Moderator to trace the caller.

"Yeah, they suck big time, man. They bite ass!" Caller 2 said worse stuff about the band KISS.

"Wait a sec. I recognize that voice! Is this Dennis De Young, lead singer from Styx? Come clean, man." Moderator asked the callers identity being Dennis De Young, lead singer from Styx.

"Yeah, yeah, it's me. It's Dennis." Caller 2 said as he confesses himself being being Dennis De Young, lead singer from Styx.

"Dennis, you jealous douche, how about I crank a little 'Detroit Rock City' and play 'Come Sail Away' and we can see how they stack up side by side? Huh? You want that, you high-voiced bastard? We'll be right back, after this." Moderator said as he insults Dennis, his hit song 'Come Sail Away' and we can see how they stack up side by side.

Then the tv showed KISS working out.

"Hey! Didn't see you come in. We're getting into shape for our upcoming tour." Paul Stanley said to the audience.

"We're playing five big shows in five days. So, if you..." Gene Simmons said about his band playing Five shows in Five days until.

"Rock and roll!" Ace Frehley shouted on tv as he interrupts gene sentences.

Why, Why don't you just sit in the corner, huh? Go on. Gene Simmons said as he tells him to go sit in the corner.

As Ace Frehley went to go sit in the corner.

"If you're a KISS fan, and you live in the Northeast come out for all five shows of what we're calling "KISS-Stock." Gene Simmons said as he announced that KISS Stock was coming to the Northeast.

Now back to the bedroom with Peter, Frank and Lois.

"Aw, Hell! The Northeast! It's times like this I curse the fact that we live in French Polynesia." Peter said as he'll never reach the show.

"No, Peter, we're in the Northeast." Lois explain to him that they live in the Northeast.

We are? And KISS is coming to the Northeast. That means...aw. Peter said as he tries to get his answer but gets stuck.

That means- Lois said as she tries to get peter the answer.

"No, no, Lois! Don't help me! It means we can do something." Peter said no and he tries again to get the answer.

"Come on, Peter. You're almost there." Lois said as she encourages him to find it.

Meanwhile at the Dentist, a dentist was drilling into Peter's teeth, that is until Peter hopped out of his chair.

We can go to KISS-Stock! Peter shouted the news as the cleaning tool got jabbed in the dentist's eye.

"AUAUAGHAAHH!" Dentist shouted in pain by the cleaning tool logged in his eye.

As The dentist fell onto the floor.

Now back at the Mallque/Griffin House, In the living room, Stewie and Frank Jr were watching Jolly Farm, but their TV-time gets interrupted by Frank's voice from upstairs.

"Yo, Mom!" Frank shouted from upstairs.

"What?" Lois shouted from the living room.

"I'm packing for KISS-STOCK and dad can't find his favorite underwear." Frank shouted from upstairs as he is looking for his lucky underwear.

"You mean the pair with the rip in the right butt cheek from when you're stepping on 'em pullin' em up in the airplane bathroom from when you had the trots?" Lois asked for that underwear.

"No, no, the pair with the hole in the left butt cheek from when I held it in for two hours 'cuz it was an extra-long top church sermon and I thought blowing gas would offend Jesus, so I let it go in the vestibule after mass and it sounded like Louis Armstrong." Frank said as he explains which underwear he is looking for.

"Oh, bottom drawer." Lois exclaimed where that underwear's location.

"Thanks mom!" Frank shouted as he leaves to find Peter to tell him where his lucky underwear is.

After Lois left, Stewie and Frank Jr went back to Jolly farm.

"Children. Tell Mother Maggie what you want to be when you grow up." Mother Maggie asked the kids.

"A scientist." Kid 1 said his answer.

"A novelist." Kid 2 said her answer.

"A Cambridge don." Kid 3 said his answer.

"Oh, what's my and Stewie's future coming from these squalid surroundings?" Frank Jr asking himself about his future.

"Should I Getting into a fight with some dude at the laundromat because he was hitting on my baby's mama? we should be there, not here!" Stewie said as he Lamenting his future in Quahog.

The tv screen said "Filmed at the BBC LONDON" with dreamy music playing in the background

"London." Stewie said as he decides to travel to Jolly Farm and live there forever.

Now we are Outside the house, Frank, Meg, Peter and Lois were putting their luggage into the car.

"Hey Dad, can me, John, Tyler and Persephone stay up late every night when you're at KISS-Stock?" Chris asked his dad to stay up late while his parents go to KISS-Stock.

You can do whatever you want, son. Just don't eat from the candy tree. Peter said as he warns his kids about the Candy Tree that eats people

He's right to caution you. I feed on children. Candy Tree said as he too agrees with peter about warning them about the tree.

A little girl came by and the candy tree ate her while Tyler looks at the tree as he saying, "one day tree, one day!"

Now back to Lois, Meg and Brian as they finish packing their stuff.

"You don't mind watching Stewie and Frank Jr for a few days? Do ya Brian?" Lois asking Brian about taking care of Stewie and Frank Jr for a few days.

"Nah. Ever since Jolly Farm Revue came on, they been pretty distracted. It'll be a breeze." Brian said as ever since jolly farm appeared on TV, the babies were hooked, so everything will be fine.

"Well, bye, everyone." Lois and Meg said as they enter the car.

"I can't believe my stupid parents and my equally stupid brother- in law are gonna spend five days following stupid old KISS around. It's painful." Persephone said as she complains about being embarrass by their behavior.

"Not half as painful as a tyre iron upside your head." Peter and Frank said their complaint.

"What?" Persephone asked on what they said.

"We'll miss you!" Peter said as He and Frank kissed Persephone's cheek and they enter the car, Frank, Meg, Peter and Lois drove off.

Meanwhile in the Living Room, as Frank Jr, John and Tyler came into the living room looking for Stewie.

"Hey, Stewie, what do you want for lunch?" John shouted as he looks around for him.

Then Frank Jr found a letter on the tv.

"Hey, what's this?" Frank Jr asked as he grabbed it and realized it's from Stewie.

"Dear stupid dog, idiotic pervert, nerd slave and dumb nephew, I've gone to live with the children on Jolly Farm. Goodbye forever. Stewie. PS: I-I never got a chance to return that sweater Lois gave me for Christmas. Um, I left the receipt on top of my bureau. I'm probably over the 30-day return limit, but uh, I-I'm sure if you make a fuss, they'll at least give you a store credit or something. Um, i-i-it's actually not a horrible sweater. It's just I-I-I can't imagine when I would ever wear it. You know? Oh and uh, I also left a button on the bureau. Um, I'm not sure what it goes to, but I can never bring myself to throw a button away. I know as soon as I do, I'll find the garment it goes to, and then it'll... Wait a minute. Actually, could it have been from the sweater? Did that sweater have buttons? Hm. Well I should wrap this up before I start to ramble. Okay, goodbye forever. PPS: You know what, it might be chilly in London. I'm actually going to take the sweater." Stewie narrated his letter while Frank Jr, John and Tyler read it.

"Oh, my God!" The trio shouted in panic.

As Brian entered the room.

"What?" Brian asked them on what's going on here.

"Stewie's gone to London." Tyler explain to Brian on the missing talking baby.

"London? As in London Tipton at the Tipton hotel? Well I'm sure he'll be fine there." Brian said as he has no worries.

Frank Jr slaps Brian in the back of his head.

AGH! Brian shouted by the slap in the face.

"NO STUPID! I MEAN IN EUROPE!" Frank Jr shouted at the dog.

"WHAT?! Oh man. Come on. We gotta go get him back." Brian said as he and the group rush toward the door.

"Yeah, we should. I can't handle bad things that happen to people who run away. Like that time Gary ran away after SpongeBob refused to feed him." John said as he set up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

Gary was on the road and was about to get run over by a bus.

"MEEEAOOOOOOOWWW!" Gary shouted to feed him really loudly.

As the screen goes black, a crash sound was heard.

The next day. French Narrator said as a day past by in SpongeBob world.

As we join SpongeBob held up Gary's shell.

"WWWHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" SpongeBob shouted of the loss of his pet snail.

Turns out Gary's fine. He left his shell behind on purpose. As he kept going, he laughed like snoopy.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Now we join Stewie at Quahog Airport searching for the flight to London.

"One of these planes must be going to London." Stewie said as He spotted a british family in line.

"Queue up, children. Spit spot. Here are the tickets, miss. These are all ours. Thank you." British mother said as she and her family enter their plane.

While Stewie snuck in line behind the british family.

"Spit spot, Albert Hall, meat and two veg, Big Ben, Dave Clark Five, Spam and eggs, a baby's arm holding an apple, pip pip, cheerio." Stewie said as he walked right on in.

Now Dramatic instrumental music playing in the background as Frank Jr, John, Tyler and Brian made it to the airport and searched for Stewie.

"You see him?" Tyler said as he asked the group on the location of Stewie.

"Haa!" Brian Sigh as he didn't find him.

"Nope! Let's keep moving." Frank Jr said as they keep looking.

They ran together until they stopped and looked out a glass window.

"Look! There he is." Brian said as he points the location as They spotted Stewie hopping aboard the plane.

As Stewie boards plane, throwing a Nixon victory wave on the way on.

"Crap! Let's go." John said as they ran toward the plane with Stewie on it.

They entered a door that said "Airline Personnel Only" and ran up the cargo conveyor belt. They exited the cargo door and were on the plane.

Alright, let's find Stewie and get outta here before this plane takes off. Brian said to the group about their plan.

"Right!" The group said as they enter the plane threw the cargo only door.

On the plane, Stewie was waiting for the plane to fly.

"Hot towel?" Lady Flight Attendant asked Stewie if he wants a hot towel.

"Yes, thank you." Stewie said as He took off his overalls and laid down on his stomach.

"Well, come on!" Stewie said as he asked for this hot towel.

Until Brian pulled Stewie out of his seat.

"What the hell are you guys doing here?" Stewie asked the dog and his crew on being in this plane.

"We're taking you off this plane." Brian said his answer

"Well think again, Rover." Stewie said as he points the window.

The group gasp as They noticed the plane was moving. And with no other options, Brian, Frank Jr, John and Tyler had no choice but to fasten their seatbelts next to Stewie.

"Great Guys. We're stuck on a transatlantic flight with a petulant runaway. How could this get any worse?" Brian said as he asked them if thing could get worse than this.

A passenger appeared above Stewie which was revel to be Andy Rooney.

"You know what I hate about flying? The peanuts. First of all, you can't get them open. Who are they trying to keep out of these things?" Andy Rooney said as he tries to open a bag of peanuts.

Another passenger showed his face above Brian which was revel to be Seinfeld.

And what's the deal with the razor-blade slot in the bathroom? Are people actually shaving in there? Seinfeld said as he explains his bit about the razor-blade slot in the bathroom.

And Andy Dick appeared next to Frank Jr with his luggage.

"Hi, Andy Dick here. Excuse me. I've got to get my bag up in the overhead bin here." Andy Dick said as he tries to put his briefcase in his slot until The briefcase opened and landed on his head. As he Yelling and laughing by the event.

"Wow, that's wacky!" Andy Dick said in relief.

While Brian, John and Tyler face palmed and sighed before Frank Jr turned his attention towards Brian.

"You just had to ask!" Frank Jr said it sacristy.

After a long flight, the plane had finally reached its destination.

"Well now, that wasn't so bad, was it? Did you sleep at all?" Stewie asked the group.

"Yeah, a little." Brian said as he walks towards the exist.

"Us too." Frank Jr said as he agreed with the group about their good rest on the plan.

"Oh, I couldn't sleep a week. My pillow smelled like farts. But that's all right because we're in England!" Stewie said as they left outside the plane door.

When the trio looked outside, they realized something.

"Oh." Brian and Frank Jr said.

"Crap!" John and Tyler said.

As They saw a bunch of sand of nowhere while the scene fades to black.

Now we are back at the desert as Middle Eastern instrumental music play in the background while the gang looks at their location.

"Well, I don't get it. We're in England's verdant fields, it's rosy-rumped maidens and bucktoothed solicitors." Stewie asking on what the hell is going on.

"About 3,000 miles that way. We're in the Middle East." Brian said as he explains that stewie took the wrong plane.

The gang decided to walk around an arabian village.

"Where are we going, Brian?" Frank Jr said as they walk around the arabian village.

"I dunno, Frank Jr. I'm not exactly familiar with this particular Arabian village." Brian said as he if a stranger in this arabian village.

They passed by some villagers trying to sell some stuff.

"Stuff for sale! Bad, cheaply made stuff for sale!" Villager 1 said as he selling stuff.

"Hey, Americans. You like movies? I've got "Dude, My Car Is Not Where I Parked It, But Praise Allah, We Are Not Hurt." Villager 2 said as he sells movies.

They stopped by someone selling camels.

"Camels for sale! This one owned by a little old man who only drove it to mosque on Sundays. Just had its knees replaced." Villager 3 said as he sells camels.

Oh great. Buy one and let's get outta here. Stewie said as he asked the group to buy a camel to go.

"What do ya mean buy one? All I've got is 50 bucks. There's no way I'm spending that." Brian said as he money doesn't work here.

"Psh! Fine! Cheapskate! What about you two?" Stewie said as he asked John andTyler for money for the camel.

"Ummm?" Tyler said as he picked out everything in his pocket.

"All I got is 10 dollars, a marble, a bug..." Tyler said as he explains the contented of his pocket.

As John got a closer look at it with Frank Jr.

"Girl bug... uh, a paperclip, a rubber pencil, a crumb from a ritz cracker, and a presidential button with the Batman symbol that says "I Voted for The Batman" John said as exam the stuff in Tyler hand.

"Great. Guess we're gonna have to distract him. Follow my lead." Brian said as he explains his plans to get a camel

"Right behind you." Stewie:

The Music played as the group sing "You and I Are So Awfully Different".

 **Stewie, Brian, Frank Jr, John and Tyler**

 _"You and I are" "So awfully different" "Too awfully different" "To ever be pals"_

As the group walk in the village square as they take turns.

 **Stewie**

Do you want to go first?

 **Brian**

Yeah. I'll go. _"Your favorite herooo is the Marquis de Saaade"_

 **Stewie**

Oh, you're one to talk.

 _"You get a stiffiiie from Phylicia Rashad"_

As Stewie brings out a picture of Phylicia Rashad for Brian to see.

 **Brian**

Oh, one time.

As Brian hides his boner with a golden plate until it hits the plate and makes a ding noise.

 **Stewie**

 _"I've a style flair, just look at my hip hair"_

 **Frank Jr**

 _"Oh yeah that's that's quite a nice do there"_

Frank Jr comment Stewie hair as good hair style with everyone agree with him.

 **Stewie**

Oh, thanks.

 **Frank Jr**

For me to poop on!

As he is referencing Triumph the Insult Comic Dog's Catch-phrase. He also has the same cigar and bow-tie Triumph has.

 **Stewie**

What?

 **Frank Jr**

Oh come on. You look like Charlie Brown.

As he compares Stewie's hair to that of Peanuts character Charlie Brown.

 **Stewie**

Bite me, Goku.

As Stewie compares Frank Jr to Dragon Ball's Son Goku (not know that he is related to him).

 **Brian:**

 _"There's not"_

 **Stewie**

 _"A whole lot"_

As Brain and Stewie slide down next to a fountain, they get next to each other with Frank Jr, John and Tyler.

 **Frank Jr, John and Tyler**

 _"That we've got"_

 **Stewie, Brian, Frank Jr, John and Tyler**

 _"To agree on"_

 **Brian**

 _"'Cuz I love the strains of a classical scooore"_

 **Stewie**

 _"And I like that singeeer who looks like a whooore"_

As Frank Jr start to think on what singer is stewie think until he asked with the group.

 **Brian, Frank Jr, John and Tyler**

Ricky Martin?

 **Stewie**

Love him!

As they appear out of jars as Stewie tries to appear out multiple jar until he comes out the last jar.

 **Stewie, Brian, Frank Jr, John and Tyler**

 _"We're too different to ever be pals!"_

As Frank Jr, John and Tyler juggle apples while brain and Stewie juggle knives while they sing, they villagers do backup.

 **Frank Jr, John and Tyler**

 _"You and I are"_

 _"Doo doo doo"_

Now we join Frank Jr, John, Tyler, Brian and Stewie are riding a caper while they sing, the villagers do backup.

 **Stewie and Brian**

 _"So awfully different"_

 _"Doo doo doo"_

Now we see Frank Jr plays the flute to make the snakes come out which reveal that John, Tyler, Brian and Stewie dancing like to the beat while they sing, the villagers do backup.

 **Frank Jr, John and Tyler**

 _"Too awfully different"_

 _"Doo doo doo"_

As we see John and Tyler rubbing a lap with Brain and Frank Jr until Stewie appear dress like genie from the hanna barabana cartoon doing her bit while the villagers do backup.

 **Stewie, Brian, Frank Jr, John and Tyler**

 _"To ever be pals"_

 _"Doo doo doo doo doo doo dooie doo"_

Now we join John and Tyler doing a spaghetti dance movement while sings.

 **John**

 _"Your head's as empty as a meteorite"_

 **Tyler**

Oh, very funny.

 _"you have a nose size like a Christmas-tree light"_

Now we join Brain and Frank Jr singing their part of the song about Stewie.

 **Brian and Frank Jr**

 _"I'd bet moneeey you'll marry a honeeey" "Who's pretty and funnyyy, and her name'll be Ted"_

 **Stewie**

Oh! A gay joke.

As Brian and Frank Jr claiming that Stewie's gay, a running joke in the series.

 **Brian**

Ah! I just work with what you give me.

 **Frank Jr**

 _"You might think"_

 **Stewie**

 _"We're in sync"_

 **Brain, John and Tyler**

 _"But we stink"_

Now they appear on top of the camel they want to steal as they are about to be finish.

 **Stewie, Brian, Frank Jr, John and Tyler** __

 _"As a group-o"_

 **Frank Jr, John and Tyler**

 _"'Cuz yooou get a kick out of carnage and guts"_

 **Stewie:**

 _"And you get a kick out of stroking your..."_

Until the group interrupts the song to stop Stewie from saying something bad in this story.

 **Tyler**

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Bro, you can't say that on fanfiction or on TV!

 **Stewie:**

What? Ego?

 **Frank Jr, John and Tyler**

Never mind.

 **Stewie, Brian, Frank Jr, John and Tyler**

 _"We're too different to EVER BE PAAAAAAAAAAAALLLSS"_

After the song, a villager notice a camel is missing. He looked back in awe and saw the trio were gone with the camel.

Now we join ourselves in the Middle of the Desert as the gang were together as the sun sets.

"Oh, man, we're screwed. We're lost in the desert, we have no food, no water, and our camel is dead from exhaustion." Brian said as he explains their problems to the group.

As Stewie went over to the camel's body to mourn it lost.

"And I had named him and given him a back story. Chucky had the biggest hump of all the camels in his village, and he was picked on for it. But then, there was a terrible drought, and Chucky went to the oasis at great risk, 'cuz he was like that. And he drank and drank and stored enough water in his massive hump to slake the thirst of the entire-" Stewie said as he explains his camel's origin.

Until Frank Jr went Stewie over to Stewie and slapped him.

"Will you cut the damn maudlin crap? We're in trouble here because of you." Frank Jr said as he complains about being stuck in the dessert because of Stewie.

"Look, calm down, Glory. I know how ya feel, but getting mad at Stewie at a time like this just isn't going to help. It's already below freezing and it's getting colder. We're gonna die unless..." Brian said he calm everyone down as it getting dark and they need shelter.

Until The gang continue to shiver.

"Unless what, Brian?" Frank Jr asked Brain for an answer.

"Unless we do something drastic." Brian said something in sad tone.

"Like what?" Tyler said as he is feel afraid to asked more.

"We have to slice open our camel's stomach and shelter ourselves in his entrails." Brian said as he suggests that he slices open the camel's belly to save his friend from the cold, much like Han Solo did with his Tauntaun to warm Luke in Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back.

everyone covered their mouths as Frank Jr realized that he threw up a little.

"Huh, Eviscerate Chucky?! I won't do it!" Stewie said as he Gasp on brain crazy idea.

"We're gonna die if we don't." John said as he agrees with Brian that they need warmth.

"I'd rather take my chances out here than go in there. Stewie, you go." Tyler said as he caves in to the groups idea.

"Oh, all right." Stewie said as he finally agrees to open chucky belly.

Brian took out a dagger blade and sliced opened the camel's stomach. John and Tyler ran off-screen and they both threw up.

"Oh, God! It's like Orson Welles's autopsy!" Stewie said

"All right, just hold your breath and go." Brian said as he tells stewie to go in the camel.

Stewie wiped some sand off his shoes.

"What are you doing?" Brian asked stewie on what he is doing.

"Wiping my feet. I don't want to track any sand inside. Once you get it in there, you can't get it out." Stewie said as he explains why he is cleaning his feet.

John and Tyler came back catching their breath while Stewie inhaled some air. As soon as Stewie ran inside the Camel, John and Tyler covered their mouths and ran off-screen again.

"Oh, God! I just threw up in his lung!" Stewie said as he tells them that he threw up in the camel.

"You're not the only one that puking." Tyler said as he tells them that he and John are throw up in the camel.

"Look I know it's gross, but when you're desperate and staring death in the face, you have no choice but to... Oh, there's a Comfort Inn." Brian said as he points out a hotel in the dessert.

"Really?" Stewie said as he is happy now.

"Yeah. Good luck for us, huh?" Brian said as he is reliving by this news.

As Tyler and John came back out of the camel and they breathing heavily.

"Ahahaaa, aaaahaaaa, are you kidding me?" John said as he Pant from the camel's guts

"Ahahaaa, aaaahaaaa, how did we not notice that over there?" Tyler said as he Pant from the camel's guts.

"I-I dunno. I guess we're just that stupid." Brian said an excuses to get the them to the hotel faster.

"Whatever, let's just go all right?" Frank Jr said as he walks towards the Comfort Inn.

"You know actually, once you feng-shui the organs, it's kind of cozy." Stewie said as he gets out of the camel guts.

Now we are in KISS-STOCK with Loud heavy metal music paly in the background as The entire place was crowded with KISS fans everywhere.

"Oh, isn't this exciting?" Lois said as Frank, Peter, Meg and Lois wear makeup identical to that of Gene Simmons and Peter Crises, respectively.

"Hey, anyone got a light?" Fan asked anyone to light his cigarette.

As Five fans, including Frank, spat fire on his cigarette.

"Thanks." Fan said his thanks to everyone.

"Guys look. There's Dave and Dotty, the nudists." Meg said as she spots the nudist.

The nudists went up to the Griffins as Dave and Dotty wear the makeup of Ace Frehley and Paul Stanley, respectively.

"Well, hey there, Mallques, Griffins!" Dave said hi to his friends.

"Dave, Dotty, what a pleasant surprise!" Lois saying her hellos to her friends.

"Don't tell me you're KISS freaks, too? Dotty asked them that they are kiss fans too.

"KISS Army soldier since 1991. How about you?" Frank said his response and asked them about how they became KISS fans.

"76. I don't think anyone knows more about KISS than I do." Dave said as he brags that there nobody that knows kiss than himself.

"I'm-I'm sorry. What was that?" Peter question him.

"Peter, It's not important." Lois said as she tries to calm peter down.

"Let him answer, Mom." Frank said as he didn't like Dave's tone.

"I said no one knows more about KISS than I do." Dave said as he confirms his response

"Fellas, please keep it civil." Dotty said as she asked them to keep this contest short.

"I'm not sure we like the tone of your voice, Dave." Peter said as he gets on Dave's face.

"Well, throw down if that's what you two want." Dave said as he tells them to get this contest started.

"Name Gene Simmon's special-effects mentor." Peter asked Dave a question about something in KISS History.

"Amaze-O the magician. What high school did Paul Stanley go to?" Dave answer his question correctly then he asked Frank a question about something in KISS History.

New York High School of Music. Frank answer the question correctly and it was peter turn to question Dave.

"Paul and Gene's band before KISS?" Peter asked Dave a question about something in KISS History.

"Wicked Lester. What year did KISS appear on The Jim Nabors Halloween Special?" Dave answer the question correctly as he asked Peter a question about something in KISS History.

"Trick question. It was Paul Lynde and it was 1975." Peter answer the question correctly as he passes it to Frank.

"Now recite the magazine ad that brought Peter Criss to Paul and Gene's attention." Frank asked Dave a question about something in KISS History.

"Drummer willing to do anything to make it." Rolling Stone, October, 1972." Frank, Peter & Dave answer the question correctly.

"Exemplary!" Dave shouted in excitement.

"Rock and roll!" Peter and Frank said as they forgave Dave as they all knew that they love KISS.

As They stuck their tongues out and rocked out.

Now we join ourselves at the Comfort Inn as The trio sat at a table outside with Brian, Frank Jr and Tyler and John looking bored.

"How in the Hell are we gonna get out of here?" Brian asking the group on how they are getting out of the dessert.

"Well, we could right S.O.S. in the sand or make a statue of liberty out of pawn tree!" Frank Jr saying on make an S.O.S in the sand or make a statue of liberty out of pawn tree to wait for someone to recuse them.

"Nah, I'm sure it'll be blown away by a sand storm and there's little supply of trees. Brian said as he turns down the idea.

"Brian, are you going to finish your red paste?" Stewie ask Brian for his food.

He gave Stewie his plate.

"No." Brian said as he gave him his food.

"What about YOUR sweet, crusty thing John?" Tyler asked John if he is going to eat his food.

Then John gave his food too but to Tyler instead.

"Nah, you can have it." John said as he passes the remains of his food to John.

"Hey, look over there." Brian said as he points at something.

They noticed a huge balloon with a father and a son argument.

"No more balloon for you! I am sick of you tooling around the village in that thing, honking at the girls, blasting your 1980s American rock music that we got here last week." Arabian Dad said as he is give his son the business.

"But, Father!" Arabian Son complain to his father and asked him forgiveness.

"Go to your palace!" Arabian Dad shouted to his son as he orders him to go to his palace as he is grounded.

"Are you guys thinkin' what I'm thinkin'? Brian said as he asked them on what they thinking.

"Oh yes. Just wait until they have to suffer through Jesus Jones. Pee-yew!" Frank Jr said as he insult them about them meet Jesus Jones

Not that, dummy. The balloon! Brian said as he tells them that they steal a hot air balloon to get out of the dessert.

"Oh, my bad. Of course the balloon. Let's take it." Frank Jr said as he agrees on Brian's Plan.

Moments after taking the balloon, they were flying around and looked down below.

"Wow! I didn't know it really looked like that." Brian said as he looks down of the hot air balloon.

"Neither did I." Stewie said as he too looks down of the hot air balloon.

As the landscape below the balloon looks like an actual map.

"Such lovely printing, too." Stewie said as he like the detail of the work's paint.

Yeah. Frank Jr said as he too admire the map's color states.

Meanwhile at KISS-STOCK, as The band sung their song "Rock N Roll All Night"

 **KISS**

 _"You keep on shouting, you keep on shouting"_

"Oh, Lois, here comes the best part." Peter said as he points out the best part.

 **KISS**

 _"I wanna rock and roll all night"_

Gene moved the mic over to Lois.

 **Lois**

 _"And have a wonderful time"_

The song stopped and everybody's jaws dropped as Lois said the line wrong.

"What? Is that it? No, no, it's uh _"And something something all... day"_ Right?" Lois said as she tries to say the right line

"Oh, man. I've lost all faith in mankind." Gene said as he bums out.

"Music is dead to me now." Paul said as he too is bums out.

After Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons storm off the stage, Peter Criss and Ace Frehley sing "Chattanooga Choo-Choo".

"Hey, now's our chance!' Eric said as they get to sing their song

"Let's do it!" Tommy said as Eric and Tommy sing and danced for the audience.

 **Eric and Tommy:**

 _"Pardon me, boy" "Is that the Chattanooga choo choo?" "Track twenty-nine" "Boy, you can gimme a shine"_

Meanwhile in the Hot Air Balloon, the gang were still flying around.

"I say, where the Hell are we?" Stewie question on where they are.

They were around the place where the Pope lives, who at this point is asleep.

"Pope!" Father said as he enters the room while He turned on the lights.

"Pope!" Father said as The Pope covered his face from the lights.

"It's time to get up and put on your hat." Father said as he tells the pope to get dress.

"It's a stupid hat!" Pope said as he hates wearing his hat.

"Pope! "Father scolded the pope like a child.

"All right, okay. God!" Pope said as he starts to get ready for the day.

After getting out of bed, the Pope went to the bathroom. After exiting the bathroom, he dropped his clothing on the floor.

"Pope, the floor is not a hamper." Father said as he tells the pope to pick up his clothes.

"Maaaaan!" Pope whines about being scolded about his clothes.

He picked up his clothing and placed in the hamper.

"Good. Now it's time to go on the balcony and address the people." Father said as he tells the pope to do his work.

After putting on his hat, he walked onto the balcony, where he was caught by the trio's balloon. The balloon carried the Pope away until a statue caught him. After they landed, the trio hopped out of the balloon and ran to an alleyway.

"Alright. All we gotta do is find the American Embassy to they'll help us get home." Brian said as they walk around Vatican City in Rome.

"Home? I have no intention of returning to that disgusting hovel with that intolerable woman, and that fat slob, and that insufferable dog." Stewie said as he never wants to see his family and Brian ever again even though Brian is here with him.

"Stewie, he's right here." Frank Jr said as he points out that Brian is with them.

"Oh, so he is? Oh well. I stand by it. My future is with Jolly Farm! Stewie said as he stands on what he just said.

"You really think that, don't you?" Brian asked stewie about him going to live in Jolly farm.

"I know it." Stewie said as he stands by his belief.

"Okay, fine. We've got three days until Frank Jr's Parents, Mr. and Mrs. Griffin get back from their KISS concerts. Let's go to Jolly Farm." John said as they can stick around until stewie caves in and they can all go home.

"Now you're talking! Stewie cheered as they get ready to the bbc.

The Pope found the trio.

"You make the Pope look like a fool! God will make you pay." Pope threatens that God will smite them for making a fool of him.

He looked up into the sky.

"Smite them!" Pope said as He waits expectantly.

They all looked up and waited.

"He's cooking something up." Pope said as He waits expectantly, but nothing happens.

They continued to look up before Tyler slowly moved closed to Frank Jr, John, Brian and Stewie.

"We should... we should get outta here while we can." Tyler said Whisper as they slowly backed away from the Pope while he stays.

Now we are in Switzerland as The gang decided to ride a train while Frank Jr, John and Tyler sleep during the ride.

"I say! Brian, look. Three rows down." Stewie said as he points at a person at Three rows down.

"What?" Brian asked him on what he is talking about.

"Is that Tom Bosley?" Stewie asked him if that person at Three rows down is Tom Bosley.

"What would Tom Bosley be doing on a train in Switzerland?" Brian asked on why Tom Bosley is doing on a train in Switzerland.

"I-I'm almost certain. TOM!" Stewie shouted for Tom to notice him.

He then hides behind his magazine.

"Did he look?" Stewie asked Brian if Tom notice him.

"I don't know." Brian said as he doesn't know.

"If I yell, you have to watch. TOM BOSLEY!" Stewie shouted again.

He hid behind his magazine again.

"No, it's not him." Brian said to stewie that the man at Three rows down isn't Tom Bosley.

"Oh." Stewie said as he feels disappointed.

Now we arein Germany, the trio caught a ride on a tour bus.

"Besides its beautiful historic architecture, Munich was ze home of many great writers, such as Thomas Mann. You'll find more on Germany's contribution to ze arts in ze pamphlets here provided." Tour Guide said as he explains Germany's best writers.

"Yeah, uh, about your pamphlet. Um, I'm not seeing anything about German history between 1939 and 1945. There's just a gap." Frank Jr said as he argues about a gap in this history.

"Everyone was on vacation! On your left is Munich's first city hall, erected in 15-" Tour Guide said as he skips the history with Munich's first city hall.

"Wait, wait, wait. What are you talking about? Germany invaded Poland in 1939." Frank Jr asked about Germany invaded Poland in 1939.

"We were invited! Punch was served!" Tour Guide said as he argues with Frank jr on what he said.

"Wait, you can't ignore those years. Thomas Mann fled to America because of Naziism's strangle hold on Germany." Frank Jr argue about German novelist Thomas Mann.

"Nope, nope, he left to manage a Dairy Queen." Tour Guide said as According to him, Thomas went to America to manage a Dairy Queen.

"A Dairy Queen? That's preposterous." Frank Jr said as reality what some WW2 veterans did when they returned.

"I VILL HEAR NO MORE INSINUATIONS ABOUT THE GERMAN PEOPLE! NOTHING BAD HAPPENED!" Tour Guide said as he gets furious at the accusations Frank Jr makes and says in German.

His loud speaking in German was scaring everyone, causing them to freeze.

"Uh, is that a beer hall?" Brian said as he tries to get this tour going.

"Oh, yes. Munich is renowned for its historic beer halls." Tour Guide said as he explains Germany's beer halls history.

Meanwhile at KISS-STOCK, Peter and Lois were walking around while everybody stares at them angrily.

Why is everybody glaring at us? Lois asked Frank on what are they look at them.

They stopped walking to talk.

"Why, Lois? I'll tell you why. Y-Your faux pas last night at the concert was so upsetting, I had to call a university professor to tell me what phrase I should use to describe it." Peter said as he accuses her of only pretending to be a KISS enthusiast

 **Cutaway**

"Use "faux pas"" a professor calls.

"Thanks, professor" it was Peter who answered the call.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"You've been livin' a lie all these years. You represented yourself as a KISS fan. And why? To make us look foolish!" Frank said as he too get upset.

"No, to make you two happy. I wanted to share in all aspects of your lives guys, but I just was never that big a KISS fan." Lois said as she explains herself.

"I should've guessed when you were willing to dress as Peter Criss. No one wants to be Peter Criss, Lois, not even Peter Criss!" Frank said as he freaky out even more.

"I guess I'm just not as cool as you thought I was." Lois said as she feels guilty for lying to them.

"We guess not." Peter said as they leave the concerts in disgrace.

As Lois felt ashamed and sad.

Meanwhile in Amsterdam, the gang were walking to the street.

"I'm exhausted. Come on, let's get a coffee." Brian said as he points them at a coffee bar.

After crossing a bridge, they entered a coffee bar where smoke was everywhere.

"The smoke is so acrid." Brian said as he Cough about the smoke being everywhere in the bar.

"No joke." Frank Jr said as he tries to cover his mouth.

"I can hardly breathe in here." Stewie said as he complains as well.

"You should get some hash, man. You can't go wrong." Dude said as he talks to stewie, Frank Jr and Tyler.

"Oh, not true. Ground meat can go very wrong for me very quickly, and everyone in this room will suffer the consequences!" Stewie said as he tells the dude about meat.

"You are out there, man, in the ether." Dude said as he get more freaky.

"Yes. Well, we'd love to further pursue our palaver, but we're not fluent in "freaker"! So, we're just gonna... turn back over here, back towards my table." Frank Jr said as he, Stewie and Tyler turn around to the group.

"You guys hungry?" Brian asked them about being hungry.

"You know; I wasn't when I came in. But isn't that so funny? I'm getting there." Stewie said as he feels hungry too.

"Yeah, same here." Brian said as he is now hungry too.

"Me three." Frank Jr said as John and Tyler nod in response.

"Several Minutes Later." French Narrator said as several minutes has past.

The gang felt high and dizzy.

"I think the only reason we die is..." Stewie said as he explains the group about why they died.

"Dude, dude, I know what you're gonna say and I am sooo completely..." Brian said as he understands what stewie on what he is saying.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait!" Frank jr said as he stops Brian by asking him to wait.

"Shh-shh-shh-shh!" John said too stops Brian by shushing him.

"B-B-Baby talking first." Tyler said as he wants to listen to what stewie is saying.

"The only reason we die is because we accept it as an inevitability." Stewie said as finish what he was saying as he exhaled.

"D-Do you think I'll ever find the right woman?" Brian asked the group on he getting someone to love.

"Oh, God! Yes, man! Come on, dude, you're great!" Stewie said as he believes in him.

"Y-Y-Yeah! The-The best damn dog ever." John said as he comments on him at being a good dog.

The gang all fell out of their chairs.

Meanwhile in Quahogat night, Frank, Meg, Peter and Lois were driving along the road.

"Frank, Peter, are you two ever gonna forgive me?" Lois asked them to forgive her.

"Mom, I am obligated to keep loving you so I will take my rage out on my own body. Let's go to Denny's." Frank said as He parked the car at the Denny's. After entering the restaurant, they noticed KISS in the same place.

"Oh, man! I don't believe it! KISS is here! We don't deserve to be under the same roof with them. Let's go." Peter said doesn't what to be near the band after what happened in kiss stark.

"Well, all right. I guess I could fix us something when we..." Lois said as they about to leave until She stopped for a moment.

"Chaim?" Lois said as she recognizes Chaim Wits

"Lois! Do not address KISS unless they address you first!" Peter said he tries to stop Lois from humiliate them.

As Lois went over to the band.

"Oh my God! Chaim Witz? It is you!" Lois said as she recognizes Chaim Witz, who she dated before he changed his name to Gene Simmons.

"Uh, which one do you want me to sign? Left or Right?" Gene said as he asked her about signing her boobs.

"No, no, no. It's Lois. Lois Pewterschmidt. I knew you before you changed your name." Lois said as she explains to him that she know him before he changes his name.

"Lois! I don't believe it! It's been ages! Hey guys, this is the girl I told you about. I knew her before we formed KISS. Loose Lois!" Gene said as he introduces her to the rest of the band, who have heard Gene's stories of "Loose Lois."

"Cool! Loose Lois!" Paul said in shocked.

"The legend herself!" Tommy said as he looks at Lois in awe.

"My Grand Slam was supposed to be with sausage." Eric complains about his food not having sausage.

"I never realized you were Gene Simmons, the rock star!" Lois talks to gene.

"You look great, Lois. Anyone nailing you now?" Gene asked her about being nail by someone.

"Yes, my husband nails me. This is him. Peter and my son in law, Frank." Lois said as she introduces them to the KISS BAND.

"You... ARE... GODS!" Peter and Frank shouted in awe by their present.

"Yeah, thanks. Right. Hey, we're recording some tracks in Boston next month. You should come on by." Gene said as he invited them to come them for some tracks in Boston next month.

"Oh, we'd love that, Chaim. I mean Gene, you big rock star. Bye." Lois said as They exited the restaurant.

"Oh, wow! Such a small world. He was a nice boy, and he's still nice." Lois said as she is happy in meeting him again.

They stopped for a moment.

Listen, Lois, uh, about what I said before, I've never been more wrong in my life. You are the coolest girl in the world! Peter said as his and Frank's faith in Lois is restored

They kissed and Peter looked up into the night sky.

"My wife did KISS!" Peter shouted in happiness

"And J. Geils." Lois said in a whisper tone.

"What?" Frank and Meg asked her about what she said.

"Nothing." Lois said as they leave toward the car.

Meanwhile in London, the gang were in front of a tall building.

"There it is! The BBC!" Stewie said as he points at the sign of the BBC.

Inside the building, the trio were searching for the door that leads to Jolly Farm.

Stewie Gasp as They found the Jolly Farm Door.

"Well, this is it. I'll say goodbye to you both now." Stewie said as he said his goodbyes to the gang.

"Well, have a good life, Stewie." Brian said his goodbye to him.

"Oh, I shall!" Stewie said as he was about to go in before turning back to his friends.

"Oh hey, I've meant to ask you. Did you guys ever find out what that button on my bureau was from?" Stewie asking them about the button.

"Actually, yeah. Turns out... that button came from Chris's denim jacket." Frank Jr said as he explains that the button was Chris.

"Ah. I like that jacket. It looks good on him. Okay then, so we'll keep in touch?" Stewie said as he goes toward the door.

"Sure." Brian said in agreement.

"Whatever." Frank Jr, John and Tyler said as they don't give a fuck.

"Well, I have your address. See ya!" Stewie said as he went in and the doors closed behind him.

"I'll give him less than a minute." Frank Jr said as he bets that Stewie will leave in a minute.

I'll give him two. Brian said as he bets that stewie will leave in a two minute.

There was a moment of silence.

"Well, before we go in, I just realized something." Frank Jr asked Brian about something.

"What?" Brian said.

"If we're here, and Mom and Dad are at KISS-STOCK, then what are Chris and Persephone doing at home?" Frank Jr asking him about his aunt and uncle on what they doin g at the house.

Meanwhile at the Griffin House.

At home, Chris and Persephone were having a wild party with wild teens... and Herbert.

Now back at the Jolly Farm Set, Stewie was on the set.

"Oh! There's Happy Hill!" Stewie said as he Gasp, then he ran up the hill, but it turned out to be a wall.

"What the deuce?" Stewie said He saw lights too.

"Pengrove! Pengrove Pig!" Stewie said Gasp as He ran towards Pengrove, who was sitting on a stump.

"Pengrove, I've come to live on Jolly Farm! Oh, my! The magic tome!" Stewie said as He opened the book.

"Wait. It's cardboard! And there are no words, there are just... what is it you've drawn here?" Stewie said as he discovers that the book was cardboard.

Oh, that's Oswald Owl slammin' Mother Maggie in one of them Chinese basket, eh? Pengrove said as he took his Pig head off.

"Dead brill, eh?" Pengrove said as he was an actor and he butt ugly.

"AGH!" Stewie said as He ran behind Mother Maggie.

"Mother Maggie, thank God. Something's terribly wrong!" Stewie said in terror.

"Whose stinky brat is this?" Mother Maggie said as Stewie realized her voice has change.

"What? That's not your voice! Your voice is lyrical, like the gentle strum of a lute!" Stewie said as he realized that she is a bitch.

"Piss off, ya grotty little wanker!" Mother Maggie said as She kicked Stewie off stage.

"It's a fake! It's not real!" Stewie said as Brian, Frank Jr, John and Tyler appeared behind him.

"We thought it'll be best for you to find out on your own, Kid." Brian said as he tries to make stewie feel better.

"We're sorry, Stewie." Frank Jr said as he apologies to him.

A fake cloud fell on Stewie's head.

"I feel like such a fool. Don't even look at me!" Stewie said as he cries in a corner.

"Hey, come on." Brian said as he tries to cheer stewie up.

"Ah, you wanna get some ice cream? That'd make you feel better, right?" John and Tyler said as they give him ice cream.

He shook his head no.

"You wanna get some McDonald's?" Brian said as he offers him McDonalds.

But He shook his head no again.

Then Frank Jr snapped her fingers.

"I got it. You wanna take a dump in Mother Maggie's shoes. Right?" Frank Jr asked him about getting even with Mother Maggie as He shook his head yes.

"Okay, let's go take a dump in Mother Maggie's shoes." Brian said as he held Stewie's hand and they walked off before Frank Jr took out his phone.

"Hashtag Shit happens." Frank Jr made a text to everyone.

Now back Mallque/Griffin House, in the living room, the Griffin kids, Frank Jr and Brian were watching tv.

"Jolly Farm is on, Stewie. Don't you wanna watch?" Persephone asked him about his show.

"Oh, the Stewie who loved Jolly Farm is dead, Persephone. Meet the Stewie who loves funky fruit hats!" Stewie said as He puts on a Fruit Hat and danced.

"Oh, turn it up! Frank, Meg, Mom and Dad are on!" Chris said as they watch KISS Form with Frank, Meg, Peter and Lois on the show.

"Hey, we're back here with more KISS Forum. I'm here with the Mallques and Griffins, and they got something really exciting to share." Host tells the audience about something special.

"Yeah. My Mom here did KISS." Frank said proudly.

"Get outta here!" Host said in shocked as John and Tyler looked shocked from learning about this news.

"Hand to God." Lois said as she tells the truth.

"Whoa, Peter! How does that make you feel?" Host asked him on how he feels.

"I feel like I've done KISS, too. And it feels good." Peter said as he feels that he is on top of the world.

"Lois, you got any tips for the young girls in the audience tonight?" Host asked her about advice for the ladies in the audience.

"Well, the best advice I can give is, that you never know who's gonna grow up to be famous, so just make yourself available." Lois said as she tells them to be available because they'll never know who's gonna grow up to be famous.

"Cool. Cool. Well, that's our show for tonight. Now stay tuned for Battlestar Galactica Forum." Host said as He puts on a Mask.

"Welcome to Battlestar Galactica Forum." Host said it in a robot voice.

 **Chapter ended**

 **I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thanking for pen123 and Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas. Also Doc X me if you want to help with scenes for next chapter because I need the ideas.**


	22. Chapter 49: Family Guy MC Viewer Mail 1

**Chapter 49: Family Guy Viewer Mail 1**

We join Frank with his son, Frank Jr, his Brother in-law, Stewie, His Bros John and Tyler, his dog, Brian in tuxes, sit in director's chairs backstage, next to a sack of mail.

"Hi, I'm Frank George Mallque." Frank said his name.

"And I'm His Son, Frank George Mallque Junior." Frank Jr said as he introduces himself.

"And I'm Brian Griffin." Brian said his name.

"And I'm Stewart Gilligan Griffin." Stewie said as he introduces himself.

"And Finally we're Johnathan watts and Tyler Biteo." John said as he introduces himself while Tyler wave his hand to the audience.

"Many of you have written to the show with suggestions for episodes you'd like to see." Brian said as he explains about the fans suggestions for episodes for the show.

"They're mostly God-awful." Stewie said as he makes the signal to Frank Jr.

As Frank Jr presses button on box, producing very fake laughter

"Well, tonight we took your advice and produced three of Main cast's favorite suggestions while the author and I decide to make parodies of my name is earl, Mind of Mencia and Key & Peele." Frank said as he explains that some of the six shorts will have some stuff from his favorite shows.

"Favorites? Oh, that's charitable." Stewie said as he makes the signal to Frank Jr.

As Frank Jr again produces canned laughter while John and Tyler roll their eyes.

"What is that?" Frank asking on what he has and why is he using it here.

"I got this from 'Dharma and Greg'." Stewie said as he got this laugh box from them.

"I'm surprised there's anything left in it." John and Tyler saying a bit.

"Whoa!" All BOTH shouted a surprised tone.

"Enjoy." Brian said as they introduce the show, consisting of Six short stories in response to requests they have received from viewers.

 **Brian and Stewie**

 _Aww here it goes_

As Frank Jr wave his hand on the screen while they zoom at brain and Stewie drive inside Universal studios in a mustang. Then its show Frank Jr raping what's happing.

 **Frank Jr**

 _Everybody out there go run and tell_

 _Your homeboys and home girls it's time for Brian and Stewie_

 _They keep you laughing in the afternoon_

 _So, don't touch that dial or leave the room_

 _'Coz they're always into something_

 _It's fun and you don't wanna miss it_

 _It's double BS, like 2 the good radius_

 _Brian and Stewie or should I say Stewie and Brian_

 _But you gotta watch Brian 'coz_

 _Brian be scheming_

 _With a plan or a plot_

 _To make it to the top_

 _But they kinda in the middle_

 _'Coz they're always gettin' caught_

 _This ain't the Hardy Boys or a Nancy Drew mystery_

 _It's just Brian and Stewie in your vicinity_

 _Like Seigfried and Roy, Abbott and Costello_

 _Magic and Kareem, or Penn and Teller_

 _Somebody's in trouble_

 _Aww here goes_

As they jump on the family couch as they begin to watch their show.

 **Brian, Stewie, and Frank Jr.**

 _On Fox, Fo, Fox, Fox, Fo, Fox, Fox, Fox_

 **No Bones About It**

 **Written by Gene Laufenberg, Directed by Pete Michels, Re- Written and Re-Directed by Frank Mallque.**

Now we join the family watching The Newlywed Game.

"And now back to The Newlywed Game." Announcer said as we see the games contestants.

"Carol, how did Nick answer the following: the last thing I would ever give my wife is 'blank'?" Host asked carol to guest Nick last word of his write work.

"A little spending money?" Carol the Wife said it sarcastically until she heard a buzzer sound as she answers it wrong.

"I'm sorry, that's incorrect. Nick actually said "the antidote." Host said as Nick reveal the word "the antidote."

"Nick, what are you talking about?" Carol asked him until she mysterious dying on the show.

Oh, Meg, you were right. Lois said as she was proud of her get the answer first.

As Frank Jr opens his Grandpa's beer bottle, producing a cloud of smoke, which reveals a genie.

Oh, my God! A genie! Peter said in shocked.

"I am here to grant you three wishes to the one who release me." Genie said as he offers him three wishes to Frank Jr since he released the Genie.

"Peter, three wishes! Oh, this is so exciting!" Lois said in excitement.

"I want a new hat!" Meg said her wish.

"I want a new clothes!" Persephone said her wish.

"I want a new hat! Chris said his wish.

"I want a new gaming system!" John said his wish.

"I want some new books!" Tyler said his wish.

"I want them to have new hats!" Stewie said his wish.

"Kids, these are Frank Jr's wishes. Go ahead, buddy. Get whatever you want." Frank said as he tells his son that these wish are his and he start now.

That's easy. I wish I could see what Kelly Ripa was like off the set. Frank Jr said as His first wish is to see what Kelly Ripa is like off-camera

"So it shall be." Genie said as he claps his hand to open a viewing window to see Kelly Ripa walking toward her dress room.

"Great show today, Kelly." Regis Philbin said his thank to her.

"Thanks, Reg. You, too." Kelly Ripa said as Kelly enters dressing room. A man is gagged and bound to a chair. Kelly reaches into his chest and rips his heart out, then pulls off her face, revealing a tentacled monster.

"Kelly, Gellman needs us on stage for a couple of re-shoots." Regis Philbin said off-screen.

"Be right there, Reg. I just have to put on my face." Kelly Ripa said as the viewing screen vanished as the first wish was granted.

"My goodness! Did you see the size of that dressing room?" Lois said as she comments Kelly's dress room.

"Yes. They must really want to keep her." Stewie said as both John and Tyler looks shocked on everyone not noticing that Kelly Ripa is a tentacled monster.

"Really!" John said as he questions everyone until Persephone pats his hand to calm him down.

"Your second wish?" Genie asked Frank Jr about his second wish while ignore the two.

"Okay then!" Tyler said as he takes his seat while pouting about them be ignored again.

"I got just the thing." Peter said as he whispers to Frank Jr on what he should wish for and Frank Jr just smiled.

"I wish me and Grandpa had our own theme music and I can pass it back to anyone for used then asking back." Frank Jr said as his second wish is for his and Grandpa's own theme music.

"Done!" Genie said as he claps his hand.

"I don't hear anything." Peter said as he and Frank Jr both notices that nothing is happening.

"Get up. Try it out." Genie said as he tells them to move and they made their frirst step and head a Harp trill, then second step and they heard a Piano chord, then next step they heard a Piano chord, then Cheerful instrumental music playing as which plays everywhere they go.

"Sweet." Frank Jr said as he enjoying his wish.

As is morning, a Harp trill played while they rise out of the bed, then Orchestra crescendo playing as they start the day with opening the curtains to see the birds outside. Then Cheerful instrumental music playing as they both walk toward town with people question as to how is this happening.

Then Frank Jr and Peter sees a bum as Sentimental instrumental music playing.

Then we see both Frank Jr, Peter, John and Tyler dance happy from buying clothes as Cheerful instrumental music is playing.

Then Meg comes to bed in sexy lingerie as Sexy instrumental music playing since Frank has the power of the theme music from Frank Jr.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Frank said as they enter the cover to make love.

As Cheerful instrumental music playing in the background, now we join Frank Jr, Meg and Peter enjoy their ride on a bus with classic traveling music.

"Hey, buddy, want to turn that stuff down?" The angry bus passenger said as he gets piss of by the music.

"Come on, pal. That's classic traveling music. Try to enjoy it." Meg said as Peter starts sing with theme music.

 **Peter**

 _Riding on a bus! Riding on a bus! Sitting next to bums! There's an open seat! Hope that isn't pee!_

"Yeah! I'm sick of hearing it!" The angry bus passenger said as he grows irritated with Frank Jr and Peter's music.

"Look, I'm sorry, buddy. I can't turn it off." Frank Jr said as he tries to calm him down.

"Well, then I'm gonna break every bone in your mom's body." The angry bus passenger said as he threatens to break every bone in Meg's body.

"I wish my mom had no bones!" Frank Jr said as he quickly wishes that his mom was boneless.

"Done." Genie said as he claps his hand as Meg dissolves into a boneless blob, which causes the man to miss hitting Meg and fall out the bus window, but leaves Meg with a grotesque appearance.

"That ought to show you!" Peter shouted out the broken window to proclaim their victory.

But the Passengers screaming as they react with revulsion and horror towards her. Then they ran out the bus while leaving Frank Jr, Peter and meg alone in the bus.

"Oh, no. I got to fart. But I don't know which way to lean." Meg said as she need to fart but doesn't know where to lean, which makes both Frank Jr and Peter move an inch to the left.

Now back at the Mallque/Griffin house with meg laying on the table as The Family finds her odd.

"I know you might be a little concerned about me not having bones and all. But I got to tell you, it's not that bad." Meg said as she feels fine by Frank Jr's wish.

"Meg's just like Silly Putty. Look what I can do to Mary Worth's smug sense of self-satisfaction." Chris said as he uses Meg's blubber to copy and stretch an image in the same manner as Silly Putty from the advice-giving comic strip character Mary Worth

"That's right, son. Take her down a peg." Peter said as he likes it while John and Tyler just nod their heads by that response.

"Well, I guess we could all adjust to this." Lois said as she tries to get used to this situation.

"Look, I'm making an angel! Stewie said as he makes snow angels on meg's body.

"Aw no way! This is so cool!' Maddie said as she does snow angles too.

"It's like we're rolling around in pre-prepared meatballs!" Rosie said as she does snow angles as well.

"See Meg, everything's going to be fine..." Peter said as he cheers her up.

"Now smile while I write my name in you." Stewie said as he takes out his diaper.

"Found my marking territory!" Maddie said as she takes out her diaper.

"Oh god..." Meg said as she watches the babies about to pee on her until Frank Jr kick them out.

"Nobody pees on my mom, NOBODY!" Frank Jr shouted as he does kung Fu moves.

Now we join the Mallque/griffin family at the mall escalator until Meg gets sucked in at the bottom.

"Let go!" Meg shouted as she appears on top.

Now we join Meg, Frank and their son, Frank Jr riding the teacups at Disneyland as she laughing for the fun they are having.

Until Meg is thrown free, and into a locker room. Michael Eisner picks up Meg, and uses him as a towel While Meg screaming. Then Michael Eisner enters the Sana.

Now back to the house where everyone was near the bathroom door.

"But, Mom, I've got to use the bathroom now!" Persephone shouted at her in front of the bathroom door.

"I'm sorry, but your sister gets incredibly filthy rolling around everywhere." Lois said as from outside while Meg is in the bathtub.

"He just has to take his 12 baths a day." Lois said as she explains to the family while they get annoyed at Meg's twelve baths a day because her boneless self gets dirty easily.

"Me and Tyler don't like Meg anymore! We were invited some friends over to jump on her like a trampoline but her roll of fat sucked up Ryan's shoe!" Tyler explain his part of the story until he passes it to Chris.

"And his mom yelled at him when he got home! And he beat us up at school the next day until John beat the shit out of him! It's all here in this pamphlet." Chris said as he and Tyler pass out pamphlet about their day.

"Kids, we just have to learn to accept this. Like one of those stories on Dateline where a family member suffers a horrible accident and becomes a burden on everybody. Sure they pretend to be happy, but they're dead inside. They're dead. And that'll be our lives. Hmmm?" Lois said as she explains

What a big, boneless jerk I am! I might have screwed up my life but there's no reason I got to keep screwing up theirs. Good-bye, cruel, bone-filled world! Meg said as she decides it is best that she leaves his family.

As Meg releases the tub stopper, and is sucked down the drain.

While Dramatic instrumental music playing as Meg yelling threw the pipes until she reaches her stop.

"Oh, so this is where all the waste and sewage winds up." Meg said as she was pull back to reveal that she was below the 'HOLLYWOOD' sign.

Now we join men fighting on top of building; one falls off, only to land on Meg. Where She gets a job as a human cushion for stuntmen.

Cut and print. That's a wrap. Great job, Meg. Coming to the wrap party tonight? Director asked her about going to the wrap party.

"Gee, I don't know. I got a standup comedy class I'm taking at The Learning Annex. Actually, I won't be a standup comic, I'll be more like an amorphous-blob comic. I gotta write that one down!" Meg said as she tries to write down her bit when she became a standup comic.

"Nonsense! I'll have the studio send a flatbed for you! See you at 8:00!" Director said as he leaves.

While Meg looks at a picture of his family and sighs as Soft piano music playing in the background.

Now we join at the wrap party with Meg talking with Catharine Zeta-Jones on the couch.

"Meg, there's something I've been wanting to say to you all evening." Catharine Zeta-Jones asking her something important.

"What's that, Mrs. Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas?" Meg asked her on what she want.

"I want to jump your non-bones." Catharine Zeta-Jones said as the Hollywood starlet is impressed with Meg's ability and offers to date her.

"Jeez! I can't believe I'm your type." Meg said in shocked that she asked her out.

"Well, as you can tell from my husband, I've got a thing for saggy, shapeless men." Catharine Zeta-Jones said as she appears at a party trying to seduce her while using her husband as a reason.

As we see Michael Douglas at a Hollywood party. He talking to some random women.

"I'm married to Catherine Zeta-Jones. Will you sleep with me?" Michael Douglas said as He asks women if they'd have sex with them.

"Yeah, I'm gonna have to pass. But Louie Anderson's eating the decorative soaps in the bathroom. Why don't you try him?" Meg said as she misses his family while Catharine Zeta-Jones goes to Louie in the restroom.

That When a doctor appeared right next to her.

"Excuse me. Aren't you Meg, the human stunt bag?" Doctor asked her if she is meg Griffin.

"That all depends on who's asking." Meg asked who he is and why asking about her.

"I'm a doctor, conducting an experimental procedure to give bones to a jellyfish. I'd like to try it on a human first. Interested?" Doctor and offers of an experimental surgery to restore her skeleton

"I don't know." Meg said if she is willing takes this chance.

"Interested?" Doctor asked her again.

"Did you just say that?" Meg asked him if he is repetitive.

"Yes." Doctor said his answer.

"I'll do it!" Meg said as she takes the chance.

Now we join her at the hospital, as the operation is successful, but she is horribly misshapen.

"Well, Meg, the operation was a complete success! What are you going to do now?" Doctor asking her on what she is going to do now with her new bones in her body.

"The whole reason I had the operation was so I could go back to my family. But it's been so long. What if they don't love me anymore?" Meg said as she wants to be with her family but doesn't feel that they don't want her anymore.

"Meg, where do you think all those bones came from?" Doctor asked her on where her new bones came from.

"Surprise!" Frank shouted offscreen.

Then scene Cut to the Mallque and the Griffins, all of whom are misshapen except John and Tyler since they are immortal.

"My God! You mean, it's your bones that are inside me?" Meg said as she learns that his family donated bones to transplant into his body, which misshaped them as well

Well, mostly. We picked up a clone from russia to fill in the torso. Stewie said

Well, like I always say, a family of freaks is better than no family at all! Persephone said

"And Don't worry, we ourselves fix when we go asked the other Griffin Family from my and dads adventure." Frank Jr said as he thinks of asking the Meg's family Universe Stewie to fix their bone problem, but that's another story.

"Let's go home, Meg." Frank said as they all painfully amble away together.

"You know what's really weird?" This was covered by my HMO. Peter said as he mentioning that the operation was covered by his HMO.

 **End Short 1**

 **Team Fusion Heart Vs the Super Griffins**

 **Written by Seth MacFarlane, Directed by Scott Wood, Re- Written and Re-Directed by Frank Mallque.**

As Dramatic instrumental music playing the background.

Now we join ourselves watching a truck marked 'Toxic Waste' drives down the streets of Quahog.

"Hey, Terry, you dare me to pop a wheelie in this thing?" Trucker 1 asking his fellow trucker about him pop a wheelie on the trunk.

"That doesn't sound safe at all, but, okay, I dare you." Trucker 2 said as he wants him to do it.

The truck pops a wheelie; tanker comes off the back

"Wow! That was great!" Trucker 2 said as they leave while Suspenseful instrumental music playing the background as loose tanker lands in the Griffin's front yard.

Now we join Frank Jr, Tyler, Peter and Brian Griffin are watching Sesame Street.

"Six! Six bats! Seven! Seven bats!" The Count said as he counts the number of bats in his castle.

"Hey, is the Count a vampire?" Peter asking brain if the count is a true vampire.

"What's that?" Brian said in response on Peter's question.

"Well, he's got those big fangs. Have they ever shown him doing somebody in and then feeding on him?" Peter asks whether The Count has ever killed someone for their blood, as vampires stereotypically do.

"You're asking if they've ever done a Sesame Street in which the Count kills somebody and then sucks their blood for sustenance." Tyler said as he repeats what Peter is asking.

"Yeah." Peter said his response while Frank Jr wait for the answer.

"No, they've never done that." Brian said as he and Tyler accurately points out that no such episode has aired. Until Lois rush in to the living room in shocked from what's outside.

"Everybody come quick! There's something in the yard!" Lois said as she and the family run outside to see the back of a tanker trunk.

"It looks like the back of a tanker truck." Meg said as she notices what thing that land on their yard.

"Wow! What do you think's inside?" Peter asking what's inside of the tanker trunk.

"Maybe it's candy!" Chris said as he rushed to the trunk while Frank Jr followed him.

Chris, no! Lois said as she tries to stop him until Peter stops her.

"Lois, Lois, let him dream." Peter said as Maddie and Rosie walk in.

"Hey Girls, a tanker trunk landed in out front yard huh!" Frank Jr said as he explains what happed today.

"You know we notice a trunk missing its tanker while walking toward your house." Rosie said as Frank Jr question it on what the hell were they think.

As Chris pulls loose plug from the tanker, splashing the family with waste

What is this stuff? Persephone said as she questions on this waste that's covering her family.

It's some kind of nuclear waste. Brian said as he answers Persephone question.

"Ugh! Gross!" exclaimed Frank Jr as he wiped off the toxic waste, "I'm covered in stickier stuff than Grandma.

"Tell me, does anyone else feel a trifle queasy?" Stewie said as he feels weird from the waste.

That when Stewie's head swells up, as the family screams in horror.

"What? Do I have a boogie? I say, it appears my cranium has doubled in size!" Stewie said as he moves a nearby tree with his mind.

How delightful! This toxic stew seems to have given me telekinetic abilities. Stewie said as he moves the tree into Frank Jr behind.

"Aaaaaaah!" Frank Jr screamed until he farts a Power Poots the tree into ashes.

Hey, I can make fire from my butt! Frank Jr said as he looks at his new attack. Then he notices Chris made fire to another tree.

"Hey, I can make fire too!" Chris looks in awe of his new powers.

"Chris, come here a second. This is gonna be hilarious. Okay, on the count of three. One, two, three." Peter said as he asked chris to do something with his fire powers.

As Peter farts, and Chris lights it. Everyone was laughing form that.

"Do it again!" Stewie said as Peter farts, and Chris lights it while Frank Jr did his power Poots to compere it.

As they didn't notice that the Murdock/Kennedy twins were also drenched in a wave of toxic sludge.

Later, the Mallques and the twins were sitting at the kitchen table with the rest of the Griffin family.

"You guys were drenched in toxic waste?!" asked Lois.

"Relax, mom," Meg said as she calms her mom down.

"We're still fine. See?" Rosie said as her hand sparks magic energy.

"Choo!" sneezed Maddie as flames came from her nose and set the curtains on fire.

"Maddie, next time you and your sister wanna come over please wait until the toxic waste is dump somewhere no one cares about," said Peter, "Like the woods or the old folks' home!"

"All right, everyone. Clearly, something very strange has happened here. We each seem to have acquired superpowers from that nuclear waste. We've been given a gift. And whether that gift is Chris fire conjuring, Stewie's telekinesis, Tyler and Brian's super-speed..." Lois said as she explains about their powers until Brain interrupts her.

"Ask how the Queen of England is." Brian asking her a question.

"How's the Queen... Lois asked them until Both Brian and Tyler zips out, then they reappear wearing Beefeater's hats.

"She's great." Tyler said as he and Lois look around the table.

"Frank Jr and Peter's morphing ability..." Lois said as she sees her grandson change into something with his grandpa.

"Hey, Lois, we're wishing troll." Peter said while they change into troll's toys as they laugh in their fun time.

"...my super strength, John's Video game powers from Super Smash Bros or Persephone's super-amazing ability to grow her fingernails... like wolverine?" Lois said as lift the refrigerator, then she is nerves that one of her daughter have powered from the craziest X-men.

As Persephone Sighs when she made her nail long like the wolverine's claws.

"Well, that toxic waste must've mutated us as well," said Frank, "We've each been given superpower of some sort. I can manipulate the elements and have anime ninja moves."

As Frank shoots a lightning bolt across the room then disappear threw smoke bomb and reappear with Pizza.

"I can control and create fire, and Transform" said Maddie as she made her hair turn into flames and then turn into a phoenix.

"I would start a magic fire with my thoughts!" Rosie said as she makes fire with magic.

"Meg also has the AMAZING powers of long fingernails," Peter laughed her daughter as he thinks she has lame powers like twin sister.

"Oh, screw you!" Meg said irritated as her arm grew longer and swung at Peter, but she missed him.

"Hey, Mom has elasticity!" Frank Jr shouted in amazement.

"I thought you always had that. Your stomach always looked stretched out," Peter said before he ducking another swing, "Kidding! I was kidding!"

"And I have the power of Shape-Shifting like grandpa, Super Strength like Grandma, Hurricane Hands, Power Poots and Teleportation!" said Frank Jr as he turned into Robin from DC COMICS, smash the table and then teleport a new table.

"...damn it" John said as he is jealous while he has his hammer form power up.

"Yeah, I know," said Frank Jr said as he changed back.

"...we have a responsibility to use these powers properly and not to abuse them for personal gain. Understand?" Lois said as she asked them to used their powers wisely.

"Yes." Brian said as he rushes back with food from Hollywood.

"Yep." Chris said as he warms up his food with his powers.

"Yes." Meg said her response while reaching her hat with her powers.

"Yeah." Persephone said as she dreams of cutting Connie legs with her powers.

"Okay." Frank said while he makes the rasengan, a move from his Mother side of The family

"mmhm." Maddie said as she thinks revenge ideas in her head.

"oaky doki." Rosie said as she dreams herself as a cute witch.

"Yo." John said as he turned into flame mode power up

All righty then. Tyler said as he tries to tap into the speed force.

Then Frank Jr has transformed himself into Gandalf and Peter transformed himself into a sandwich.

"Got it." Peter said as Frank Jr stomps his staff into the ground like in the movie.

When the Griffin Family Minus Meg and Boys left the kitchen, they began their discussion with The Mallques.

"So now what?" asked Meg, "We've become a family of superhumans."

"Depending on how we used these powers they could either be a gift or a curse." Frank said as he questions on how they used their powers since he experiences this events before.

"Because you two have kids, I think it's best that we all show them good moral guidance by using these powers responsibly." John said as he want to used his powers for good.

"That means no flash frying anybody at school," Rosie said warningly to Maddie.

"Can I char broil them?" Maddie asked.

"No." Rosie said.

"How about roasting Stewie?" Maddie asked.

"NO!" Rosie said.

"How about a 3rd degree burn? It'll barely hurt him!" Maddie said.

"No fiery torment!" Rosie said.

"An Indian burn? Please don't make me beg." Maddie begged.

"Don't make me give you a timeout in the freezer," Rosie warned.

A few days later, the twin join the Mallques family is doing grocery shopping at the local super market.

"Isn't this nice?" asked Meg to her family, "A normal family taking a normal trip to the supermarket. Yup, perfectly normal."

At that moment, a cereal box hits Meg. The family turns to see that a little kid with his mother threw it and now he's trying to look all innocent.

"Ma'am, your son just threw a cereal box at me!" said Meg to the boy's mother.

"Mommy, why is that man talking to me?" asked the boy.

"Billy, that's rude," said the mother, "That's not a man. That's just a hideously ugly teenage girl."

"Can I burn them to a crisp?" asked Maddie quietly.

"Or electrify their brains?" Frank asked.

"Or make them slip on mud?" Frank Jr asked.

"No, we have to use our powers responsibly," Meg said.

She then stretched out her leg causing the woman to trip and fall as the basket with her son in it hits a wall full of cereal that falls on it. The family just looks at her.

"What? It was MY responsibility." Meg said.

At that moment, a bunch of armed robbers entered the store pointing a gun to a female cashier.

"Alright, lady!" the robber said threateningly, "Give us all the cash in a bag and no one gets hurt!"

"P-paper or plastic?" the cashier asked shakily in fear.

"Don't play comedian with me!" the robber said angrily, "Put it all in a plastic bag or-"

"No, Rob!" one of the other robbers said, "The money has sharp corners and it's heavy too. It'll tear up the bag!"

"Shut up!" the second robber said "Rob", "I'm the one doing the robbery."

"Rob, I want some candy!" a different robber whined, "I'm gonna grab some candy because I really want the candy and if you don't let me get candy I'll hate you forever!"

"Johnny, shut up!" Rob said, "We're not here for candy, stupid! We came for money!"

"But I don't want money! I want candy!" Johnny whined like a big baby as he began to make incomprensable high pitched whining noises while jumping up and down.

"Fine, get one!" Rob said as he rolled his eyes.

"Yeah... candy... yeah..." Johnny said as he stuffed his pockets with candy bars.

As Rob grabs the money and attempts to flee, the bag tears up and the money falls all over the floor.

"See? I told you so!" the other robber said.

The family catches sight of the armed robbery in progress.

"Finally! The perfect opportunity to put our powers to good use!" Frank said.

"You mean Stewie are here?" Maddie asked as she and Rosie frantically looked around.

"No, there's an armed robbery taking place!" Frank said as he looks around the store.

"We have superpower powers, so naturally we're going to spring into action." Frank said

"Can we do it with a battlecry?" Maddie asked.

"I don't see why not," Frank said.

"Alright let's do this! LEROOOOY JENKINS!" Maddie shouted as she and the Mallque family ran in front of the burglars.

"Wait a minute, who's Leroy Jenkins?" Frank Jr asked.

"No freakin' clue," Maddie said.

"Who the hell are you people?" Rob the robber asked.

"We're Team Fusion Heart and we're here to take out the trash!" Frank said heroically.

"Who do you people think you are? A bunch of superheroes?" Rob asked.

"That's right, thieves," Frank Jr said as he turned into his Ninja form, "Now, do your worst."

One of the robbers grabbed a sponge and throws it at Frank Jr which he mutate and he throws it back to absorbs Rob.

"Weak, dude..." Rob muttered from within the sponge, "Didn't even have the decensy to use a name brand sponge, either."

Johnny, the whiny robber tries to get into a fist fight with Meg but she uses her rubbery body to her advantage, avoiding every punch by stretching.

"Stop it! You're not supposed to dodge!" Johnny moaned, "You're cheating!"

"Hey! Being whiney is MY thing!" Meg said angrily as she grew her fist and punched him unconscious.

Maddie is taking the fight with the nameless burglar. He then reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a gun.

"It's time to pack some heat," the burglar said.

"Good idea," Maddie said as her hair turned into flames. She then tosses a fireball that melts the gun.

"Didn't see that one coming," the robber said as he tried to run away, only to get scorched by John in his fire flower power up, then tide up by Tyler's super speed.

Frank and Rob begin to circle each other. Rob is getting into a fighting stance while Frank is just calmly walking.

"Looks like it's just you and me," Rob said, "Man to Man. Mano a Mano. You're no match for me. I was a champion black belt while you're just a silly long haired man. You don't stand a-"

Frank just touches Rob on the chest and sends over 1000 volts of electricity through his body. Then He used the win to push Rob flies across the room and lands on the unconscious bodies of his companions.

"Grab the buns cause I'm frying up burglars!" John said as he laughed

"Get it? Burglars? Burgers? Burglars rhyme with burgers?" Tyler explained the Joke and the customers just stare at him.

"...Oh, screw you people!" they said as they left the store.

As the Mallque Family leave in a huff while Lois was done shopping with stewie. They now at the check in station.

"Oh, no. I forgot the detergent. Excuse me, would you watch him for a moment?" Lois said as she leaves her son with the clerk.

"Sure thing, ma'am." Clerk said as Lois refuses to buy Stewie a candy bar, he steals it.

"Whoa there, little guy. You got to pay for that." Clerk asking the baby for money.

"Go suck a railroad spike. I haven't got any money." Stewie said as he refused to pay for the candy bar,

"Well, then I am afraid I am gonna have to take it away from you." Clerk said as he tries to take the bar until Stewie attacks the cashier at a supermarket using his power.

"Awaawaaw, Oh, God! Please help me!" Clerk Screaming in pain from the abuses.

Later, Lois is caught in traffic with stewie.

"Move it, you slowpoke! The light's green!" Lois said as she Honking the horn

"What does that cloud look like to you, honey? To me it looks like rain! Ha! I used that joke at work. I'm the funniest guy at the office. They say I should do standup." Man said as he is so full of himself for being funny for his jokes.

"This is insane!" Lois said as she decides to lift the car across traffic, crushing various cars as well as injuring the people in them.

Now we join Peter and Persephone as she tries her nail powers until she spots an*NSYNC poster on the wall.

"Oh, my God, Dad! *NSYNC is in town. If you can get me a lock of Justin's hair, I'll never ask you for shopping money again. Please?" Persephone said as she begs Peter to get a piece of Justin Timberlake's hair when he and his group comes to Quahog. while promising to not ask shopping money again.

"We promised Lois we'd use our powers responsibly. But I suppose doing the exact opposite couldn't hurt." Peter said as he caves in to his daughter's command.

Meanwhile at the providence performing arts center, *NSYNC was in their dressing room.

"Do you want to split a Toblerone?" Lance Bass asking *NSYNC's lead singer JC Chasez, if he wants to split a toblerone with him.

"Oh, gosh. Yeah. I think I do." JC Chasez said as he caves in by eating said Toblerone.

"Woo woo, Next stop, my thighs!" JC Chasez said as he whistles like a train while giving up his diete.

All right, Persephone, wait here. I'll be right back. Peter said as He turns into Britney Spears

Hi there. Britney Spears. You mind if I go in? Peter said to the security guard while in his Britney Spears form.

Not at all, Miss Spears. Security Guard said as he lets him in while Peter comments, "Call me Peter." As he enter to meet*NSYNC.

"Hey there, fellas." Peter said as *NSYNC thinks he is Britney Spears.

"Britney? What are you doing here?" Justin Timberlake asking peter who he thinks Britney is doing here.

'Oh, you know, I was just in the Neighborhood-I'm gonna steal one of your beers-and figured I'd stop by and say hi. You mind if I have a seat?" Peter said as he gets one their beers, then sits down like a dude while showing Britney's awesome sexy body.

"I am out of shape. Say, Justin, I got a favor to ask you." Peter said as he complains about Britney's weight while asking Justin something.

"What is it?" Justin Timberlake said as he answer Peter's question.

"I got a hole in my muffler and I need something to plug it with, Can I have some of your hair?" Peter asked Justin for a lock of his hair.

"Um, I guess so." Justin Timberlake said as he give an okay to cut his hair.

"Great. Thanks. All right, hold still now." Peter said as he takes too much of his hair then Justin scream for his hair.

"You'll be fine. Hey, come here. Give me a kiss." Peter said as he kiss Justin while being Britney until he transforms into Gene Shalit.

"I'm Gene Shalit now! Bye!" Peter said as he leaves the room.

Now we join ourselves in a bar as a bartender gives a martini to a hot chick.

"Here's your martini, ma'am." Bartender said as until the martini glass becomes empty.

"Thanks. Hey, it's gone!" Woman said as she notice her drink was empty.

"Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am. Here's another one." Bartender said as he makes another one until the martini glass becomes empty.

"What the hell is going on here?" Woman said, as it was Brian uses his speed to steal Martini's from an attractive woman at a bar.

"Hi. Can I get some pretzels or something? I got to drive. Did you bring enough breasts for the rest of the class? Ha-ha-ha!" Brian said as when he stops using his speed, he is extremely intoxicated and collapses.

Now we join Chris talking to a classmate in James wood Junior high school.

"Hey, Hector, how long have we known each other?" Chris asking him how long they known each other.

"Since first grade." Hector said.

"Yeah, yeah. You remember that time you called me "Chris Gristle"?" Chris asking him as he is angry at a boy who called him Chris Grissle

"I think so." Hector said, as he does not like the tone that Chris is going with.

"Well, burn for it!" Chris said as he sets him on fire because of it

As Hector Screaming in pain while the fire then spreads to burn down the high school.

 **Cutaway to TV**

"In local news a local Quahog family thwarted an armed robbery at a grocery store using super powers," said Tom.

"Eyewitnesses claimed that the family consisted of a man with spikey Black looking hair, a girl with glasses and brown hair, a boy in blue sailor suit, a red head bay girl and a blonde baby girl," said Diane, "Here's an artist's rendering."

We cut to a group picture of Goku, Chi-Chi, and Gohan from Dbz, Little Audrey from _Harvey Street Kids_ and Maggie from The Simpsons.

"And Next to them, it's a bird, it's a plane, it's a lower-middle-class Irish family." Tom Tucker said about the family with powers.

"That's right, Tom. This is one of many public disturbances caused by the Griffin family of Quahog who seem to have acquired superpowers." Diane Simmons said as it show picture wit he griffins doing bad stuff.

"Very strange story, Diane. Coming up next, can bees think? A new study confirms that, no, they cannot." Tom Tucker said something stupid.

 **End Cutaway**

"Congratulations, you guys are celebrities," John said, "All it took was putting yourselves and your children in danger against armed robbers."

"Hey, I kicked those guys' butts!" Maddie said.

"Me too!" Rosie said triumphantly.

"From what I heard, you were stuck in a kitchen for over 3 hours," Stewie said.

"No! I, uh, did that on purpose!" Rosie said trying to save face, "It was all part of my master plan to, uh... lure the robbers into a false sense of security so that I could give them the, er, final blow! Yeah!"

"...You couldn't even get out, could you?" Stewie asked.

"Shut up!" Rosie said as she threw sprinkles of water at Stewie.

"What was that?" Stewie laughed, "Was that even a sprinkle? You barely got me wet!"

"Stop making fun of me!" Rosie shouted.

"That fight with those robbers got me thinking, there's crime all over Quahog that goes on without the police doing justice about it; rape, murder, people wearing socks with sandals..." " Frank said as he explains about crime in this city.

"So what are you saying, dad?" Frank Jr asked.

"I'm suggesting that we do something that only Peter would suggest at a time like this," Frank said.

"You guys are going to use your powers to create the world's largest donut hole?" John asked as he points at Peter looking at them hopefully.

"...Okay, forget what You just said," Tyler said as Frank agreed as Peter's ideas are crazy.

"We're going to be a family superhero team!" Frank said in a victory pose.

"Oh my gosh! No way!" Maddie shout with her sister in joy.

"We'll be famous. We'll be both respected AND feared!" said Meg in excitement.

"We'll be just like the Fantastic Four, only our team name will sound much less gay," Frank Jr said.

"So what are you going to call yourselves?" John asked dryly, "The violent vigilantes?"

"Why are you getting so bent out of shape?" Frank Jr asked.

"Because what you're thinking about doing is against the law and you're putting yourselves at risk, we already have people whose job is to protect this city. If you think that even for a second that I would agree to this foolish tirade, think again." John said.

"...We'll use our powers to stop villains everywhere and Persephone would get all Horney by your super heroines," Tyler said.

" Team Fusion Heart is a good name," John said quickly.

"Then it's settled, we are now Team Fusion Heart!" Frank Jr said their super hero team name.

"Still I can't believe that my family are destroying Quahog," Meg said after hear what the Griffins were doing with their Powers.

"So Then, it's up to us to stop our family or die trying, Team Fusion Heart suit up" Frank said as he and the family went to attic to change into their costumes.

Meanwhile at Quahog city hall as the people of Quahog are realizing the chaos the Super griffins are causing.

"Citizens of Quahog, we have a problem!" Mayor West said as the people panic.

"You're damn right we do! Peter Griffin stole my hair!" Justin Timberlake said as he address his problem.

"Settle down, Jeffrey!" Mayor West addressed Justin Timberlake as the wrong name.

"Justin." Justin Timberlake correct him with the right name.

"Mike. Clearly, the Griffin family is out of control. But not to fear. I've tangled with super-beings before. And they can be stopped!" Mayor West addressed him again as a different wrong name while telling his people that he will deal with the Griffins.

"You can't stop us, Mayor West! We are all-powerful!" Peter said as he and his family enter the hall using their powers while he transforms into a T-Rex.

"Clearly, you've let yourselves become drunk with power." Mayor West said as he notice that they are drunk with their new powers.

"Silence!" Stewie said as he punches Mayor West with his mind.

"We demand obedience!" Chris said as he flame his hand with his powers.

"Or else!" Persephone said as she brings out the claws.

"Is that all you can do?" Man said until Persephone scrapes him with nails.

"Ow, That kind of hurt! Is that bleeding? I guess it's all right. Ouch, though." Man said as he complains about the scratch from Persephone like a bitch.

"Anyone who opposes our demands will be destroyed." Lois said as she used her super strength to smash the floor.

"Our first demand: you will erect a statue in the town square. This statue will depict Blair Warner admitting to Mrs. Garrett that the poem she submitted for her creative-writing class was actually plagiarized from a work by Emily Dickinson. We have spoken!" Peter said, as he demands that he wants a statue of Blair admitting she plagiarized a work to Mrs. Garrett.

As he and his family leave, expect that he bump his head while being a t-rex and smash Persephone with his tail. Mayor West has had it with them.

"That's it! We have to fight fire with fire. If nuclear refuse gave them superpowers, it could do the same for me. Citizens, I'm off to the toxic waste dump!" Mayor West said as he fight them with the same power that give the griffins their strength.

As Mayor Adam West went to the toxic waste dump which he douses himself in toxic waste, hoping for powers with which to combat the Griffins. Then we see him at the hospital with Dr. Hartman.

"Mayor West, you have lymphoma." Dr. Hartman said the news to the mayor.

"Oh, my!" Mayor West said in shocked

"Probably from rolling around in that toxic waste." Dr. Hartman said as he explain how he got lymphoma.

"I see." Mayor West said.

"What in God's name were you trying to prove?" Dr. Hartman asking him on why he was rolling in toxic waste.

"I was trying to gain superpowers." Mayor West said his response.

"Well, that's just silly." Dr. Hartman said.

"Silly, yes. Idiotic, yes." Mayor West said.

The next day, Team Fusion Heart were in the living room showing off their new superhero costumes.

"Good thing the costume store still had superhero costumes left," Frank said as he wears a white cape that has a red flame pattern around the hem, a red rope holds the cape together, and has the kanji for "Hokage" (火影) written vertically down the back. Underneath this, he wears a Red sweatshirt with black stripes, black pants and sandals. He also wears a domino mask is shaped just like his wingdings.

"I feel awesome!" Tyler said as he wears a Kid Flash suit. the top half of the suit is completely blue with Dark Blue gloves and Dark Blue lines on the shoulder areas, while the bottom of the suit is also completely Dark Blue. Like other Speedster suits, there is a lightning emblem in the center of the chest, similar to Jay Garrick's suit, which has only has two bolts instead of three. To hide his identity, Tyler wears a mask that covers almost his entire head, but it leaves his eyes, mouth, and hair exposed. There are also two blue lines on each side of the mask that are directly above the com links, which unlike other speedster suits aren't in the shape of lightning bolts and instead similar to the wings seen on the Flash of Earth Three's helmet.

"Hmm?" John hummed as he wearing this mighty red and gold spandex suit with black gloves and boots, and a Robin-esque mask.

"I'll say," Maddie said as she wearing a red dress with red boots and a red mask.

"So, what do you guys think?" Meg asked as she wore a purple leotard with long purple boots, long purple gloves, and a purple hat that looked like her pink one.

"How can I put this?" Menma asked, "You've just received the new super ability to make people vomit faster upon eye contact."

"Keep that up, and you don't get to wear my superhero costume in the sequel," Maddie said.

"Oh, but you promised!" Menma moaned.

"Why am I not surprised by that?" Rage asked dryly as he turned to Frank Jr, "Hey, why don't you have a costume?"

"Don't need one," Frank Jr said as he tap into the Omni Force in his Omnitrix to form his suit, The Omni Suit is a skin-tight bio-organic battle suit. It is colored dark Red that goes from torso to pelvis. The shoulders and gloves are dark red as well with Green streaks on the shoulder-blades. The chestplates, legs and pants area are colored white and have the Omnitrix symbol center on his chest with green belt buckles on both sides that link to the life support pack on the back. The helmet looks like Megaman from Megaman StarForce.

"My Omni suit should be enough to keep my identity a secret." Frank Jr said.

"Isn't your form a bit of A POWERHOUSE?" Rage asked.

"Of course not," Frank Jr said reassuringly.

At that moment, the telephone rings.

"I got it!" John said who rushes right into phone.

"Hello?" John answered, "We're on their way! It's the mayor. He needs our help!"

"Quickly, Team Fusion Heart!" Frank said, "To the Mallque Mobile!"

You mean your vintage Cadillac?" Meg asked.

"No, the Mallque Mobile," said.

"What's the difference?" Maddie asked.

"Because Mallque Mobile sounds more superhero... ish?" Frank asked.

"...Works for us!" Maddie said, "Let's jet!"

A little later at the Mayor's Office, Adam West is pacing back and for frantically.

"This is bad," said West, "Really bad! Superbad, only it isn't not funny."

Just as Adam West continues to be in misery and woe, Team Fusion Heart burst through the front door and strike a heroic pose in front of the mayor.

"What seems to be the problem, Mayor West?" Frank asked.

"No, you're doing it wrong! You must break through my windows like SANE people!" protested West.

"...Okay then..." Frank said as he and the family slowly backed out of the office. A few seconds later they burst through the window, "What seems to be the problem, Mayor West?"

"It's horrible, Team Fusion Heart!" said Mayor West, "The Super Griffins threatening to destroy the city and its inhabitants!"

"We're on our way!" Frank said as he and his family dashed out of the office.

Now we are Town square with the Super Griffin, while Peter directs the townspeople to make a statue of Blair admitting she plagiarized a work to Mrs. Garrett.

"No, no! That is not what Mrs. Garrett's bosom looked like. It looked more like this." Peter said as he transforms himself into Mrs.'s Garrett's cleavage.

"Notice the sun spots at the top of the right can." Peter explain the sunspots on the right breast.

Suddenly, a lightning bolt shocks the Griffin Family. They turns to see the sight of the superhero family, Team Fusion Heart.

"Team Fusion Heart roll call!" Frank shouted as he landed, "Hokage! The Legendary Ninja of the elements!"

"ElastiMeg!" Meg shouted, "The stretchable teen drama queen!"

"Sunburn!" Maddie shouted, "The burning baby!"

"Blue Lightning!" Tyler shouted, "The fastest nerd alive."

"Mr. Brawler!" John shouted, "Nintendo finest gamer fighter."

"The White Magician Girl!" Rosie shouted, "The Red head girl with a thousand spells."

"And Hero-Core!" Frank Jr shouted, "Quahog Mightiest Hero, and that's it."

"Together, we are..." Frank shouted as they all posed.

"TEAM FUSION HEART!" they all said in unison as explosion appear in the background.

"Oh Noooooo!" Lois said, "Super powered humans! Oh, but you all got really good fashion sense. Especially you. I like your leotard, girlfriend."

"Yes! I knew someone other than Frank would like it!" Meg said, "YOU OWE ME 20 BUCKS, DAD!"

"C'mon! Enough talk!" Maddie said, "Let's kick some alien butt!"

"Team Fusion Heart GO!" Frank Jr shouted like Robin from Teen titans Go.

"Seriously, stop saying that," Tyler said.

Everyone gets ready to fight as 1960s Batman type music plays in the background. Frank delivers a lighting hook punch to Peter.

 _ **POW!**_

Maddie delivers a fireball kick at Lois and Persephone! While Rosie makes tornadoes to suck them in and throw them away from town.

 _ **BAM!**_

Tyler punches Brian in face with faster speed. However, loses half way because Brian dodge, Brain is unharmed.

 _ **FAIL!**_

John Throws hammers at Chris.

 _ **POW!**_

While Frank Jr shocks him with thunder.

 _ **BAM!**_

A picture of Phoenix Write pointing appears for no apparent reason.

 _ **OBJECTION!**_

Meg stretches her arms and begins to swing the Griffins by the tail. She keeps spinning until she gains so much momentum that she tosses the Griffins into the sky and to outer space.

"OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo...!" The Griffins screamed as they flew away until they made a sparkle.

"You did it!" Menma said as he ran to the scene, "You save the city!"

"Thank you, Menma," Meg said.

"Yes, but you know what?" Frank asked, "The Griffin wasn't the real culprit here. The real culprit were the same people who control use when John and Tyler first arrive."

"Who are these guys?" Maddie asked.

"Who knows Maddie, but if ever they hurt some from our town, they must beware because we be ready," Frank Jr said as a women come to them with a message.

"Excuse me. I have a message from the Quahog Hospital." Woman said as she give her message to Frank.

"West in trouble. There is no time to lose. Quickly, Team!" said Frank as he opened a nearby hidden door in city hall.

 _ **OPEN!**_

"To the Batmobile!" he continued as he and family dashed to the batmobile and zoomed off.

Now we join our heroes plus the Griffins with Mayor West in the hospital

"I just feel awful about this, Mayor West and we sorry for going crazy, guys. Peter said as his apologies to the mayor and his family.

"Yeah. Me, too. Stewie, fluff his pillows." Lois said as Stewie flush his pillow with his mind.

"We'll heat up his soup." Chris said as he and John heat Adam's soup.

"And we'll go to China to see if there's a cure." Brian said as he and Tyler leaves and returns with one of those conical straw hats.

"Nope." Tyler reply with nothing to report.

"Now, now. The doctor says I'm gonna make a full recovery. The important thing is that you learned your lesson." Mayor West said as he feel that they learn their lesson.

"I can't believe we let those superpowers go to our heads." Persephone said in guilt tone while she was being hug by John.

"I feel like such a bastard." Stewie said in a sad tone.

"Me, too." Brian said in an equal tone.

"For now, we are gonna use our powers to help you get better." Meg said as she and the team and the Griffins will used their powers to help Adam west get better.

Thank you. But as long as I have Mrs. Garrett's giant rack by my bedside, I'll be all right. Mayor West:

As Peter changes himself into Mrs. Garrett's bosom, while Frank Jr change his head to Edena Garrett

"Girls! Girls! Girls!" Peter and Frank Jr said as they all Laughing by that bit.

 **The End? Or To Be Continued?**

 **Li'l Mallques**

 **Written by Michael Shipley & Jim Bernstein, Directed by Michael Dante DiMartino, Re- Written and Re-Directed by Frank Mallque.**

As we join Peter, dress as Spanky McFarland from the little rascals 1994 movie. He is writing a letter to his friends as he send his Friend Dog Snoopy with the letter attach.

"Go get 'em, Snoops!" Peter shouted as the dog around town until he reaches the baseball field with a young Joe Swanson who dress like Stymie Beard with his trademark bowler hat.

"Snoops! What's up, pup?" Joe asked as he read the letter attach to his collar.

"Get it, Swanson, get it!" one of his team mates shouted as the ball was flies away. Joe spots the ball as he race towards the fence with nothing to catch the ball with

"Hey, where's your mitt?" one of his teammates shouted on where his mitt?

"Don't worry about it." Joe shouted as he catches the ball with his hat.

"All right! Good catch! Joe" his teammates shouted as Joe ran toward his meeting with the gang, while snoops ran toward to quagmire house.

"Hello, Snoops." Quagmire answer the door as he dress like froggy Laughlin who wears overalls with a croaking voice and a love for amphibians. He reads the letter and he shouts his mom, "Be back later, Mom!" as he ran toward the club.

Now we join Cleveland and Adam west fishing.

"Got anything, Adam?" Cleveland said, as he is dress like Buckwheat

"Not a bite, Cleveland." Adam west said who dress like Porky.

"Hmm." They both question their fishing method. As their hooks get cross together.

"I got something! I got something!" Cleveland said as he gets pull by his hook.

Me too! A big fat one! Adam said as he too gets pull by his hook.

"Whoa!" Cleveland shouted as he lean toward the water without fall as Adam pull his fish. Until he pulls back to get his fish.

"Whoa!" Adam shouted as he lean toward the water without fall as Cleveland pull his fish. Until he pulls back to get his fish.

"Whoa!" Cleveland shouted as he lean toward the water without fall as Adam pull his fish. Until he pulls back to get his fish.

"Whoa!" Adam shouted as he lean toward the water without fall as Cleveland pull his fish. Until he pulls back to get his fish, as snoops come by them.

"Yo, snoops come here and pull me up!" Cleveland said as he calls the dog to his side.

"Thanks, snoops!" Cleveland said as he tells the dog to pull him up.

"Whoa!" Adam said as he was pull down the lake from his cross hook.

"Hey, Adam, look! A note." Cleveland said as he pulls the note out of Snoops caller the he past it to Adam.

"What's it say?" Cleveland asked Adam about the letter on what it said.

"We gotta learn to read." Adam said as he tries to read the little but could since the note is upside-down.

No we see lots of kid rushing to the We Hate Broads Club with Quagmire asking for a hand sign for entry.

"You're okay." Quagmire said as he let a kid in.

"You're okay." Quagmire said as he let another kid in.

"You're all right." Quagmire said as he let the other kid's friend in.

"Go on in." Quagmire said as he let a kid in.

"You're okay." Quagmire said as he let a kid in.

"Go on in." Quagmire said as he let a kid in.

"What's the "high" sign?" Quagmire asked the next kid about high sigh as the kid did the sign.

"Go on in." Quagmire said as he let the kid in as Cleveland came in.

"You're okay." Quagmire said as he let Cleveland in as Adam came next and he was pick his nose.

"Wrong sign, Adam." Quagmire said as Adam did the right sign.

"Okay, go on in." Quagmire said as he let Adam in. then little Franky walker came in with his pet monkey.

"You're okay, Franky." Quagmire said as he let in Frank walker in with his pet monkey. Then he spots the bullies, Victor creed and Ernie the Giant Chicken and he raspberries them with the high sign.

"You little creep." Victor creed said in anger as quagmire enter the club and close the door.

Now we join All the characters are now '30s-style children in the clubhouse.

"Sit down!" Joe shouted as everyone sit down to their seats.

"Hear ye, hear ye. I call to order the first meeting of the We Hate Broads Club." Nathan Everett said as the group cheered.

"Gentlemen and gentlemen, I give you our president, Petey Griffin." Joe said as he introduce their president who is Peter griffin.

"Hi, Petey!" Frank walker cheered.

"How is it going?" Peter said as he shakes hand with him.

"Petey?" Nathan shouted, as he is wave to the president.

"Nice to see ya." Peter said as he waves back.

"Petey." Quagmire shouted.

"Hey, Petey." Death said in excitement.

"What's up?" Peter said as he shakes both quagmire and death hand.

"How are ya? Good to see ya. Your fly's undone." Peter said, as he pass by Cleveland then point out Adam's fly was open.

"Welcome! Peter" Lao said.

"All right, Petey!" earl said.

Hey, Petey! Royce said.

Meanwhile outside with the bullies.

"You thinkin' what I'm thinkin', Ernie?" Victor asked his friend.

"Yeah, Vic." Ernie said until he did not know what they thinking.

"What are we thinkin'?" Ernie asked him.

"How much fun it's gonna be to stomp those guys in the race." Victor explains what they are going to do at the cart race as he looks at the club.

Now we join the gang taking their meeting.

"Ready to take down the minutes, Uh-Huh?" Peter asked Uh-Huh who is really a girl name Helena Oldman. She is petey close friend until she move away, now she is back and dress as Uh-Huh.

"Uh-huh." Helena said.

"As you know, today I called... an emergency meeting for a very important reason. But first, any good stories?" Peter asking his club members.

"Me!" Cleveland shouted to be pick.

"Cleveland." Peter said as he chose him to talk.

"Yeah! This morning my sister left the toilet seat down." Cleveland said his story in disgust.

"Eww!" every club member said in disgust by that story.

"Women make men miserable." Cleveland said as he express his hate for women. While the club members shout at peter to pick any of them for the next story.

"Quaggie." Peter said as he pick quagmire.

"Yeah, there's this girl who moved in across the street..." Quagmire said as he explain what happen to him when he meet a new girl on the street.

"Eww!" every club member said in disgust by that story.

"And she came over cause she wanted to play." Quagmire said as he continues his tale.

"Eww!" every club member said in disgust by that story.

"But don't worry, I got back at her." Quagmire said as he got pay back on the girl.

"What'd you do? What'd you do?" Everyone ask quagmire on what he do on the girl.

"I whipped out my lizard." Quagmire said as he takes out his pet lizard.

"Hmmph!" Helena said in smug look on a job well done.

"Yea!" Frank walker shouted in excitement.

"Good job, Frogman." Peter said as he congratulate quagmire on his victory.

"Because all you need in life is your best pals." Brian said as he tells the group that they only need each other to be happy.

"Sure! As long as those pals ain't dames!" Quagmire said his response.

"Are you gettin' this, Uh-Huh?" Peter asking Helena if she getting any of this.

"Uh-huh." Helena said her response with a nod.

"All right, men, let's talk about the pride of our club, the Blur." Peter explains the real reason they gather.

"The Blur has never been beaten... since the beginning of time, five years." Cleveland explain the blur car's origin.

"This Sunday, we defend our honor... our undefeated streak and our trophy. Best of all, this year's trophy... will be presented by none other than the famous... Indy racecar driver... A.J. Ferguson." Peter explains that A.J Ferguson with hand out this years trophy.

"Wow! He's the best driver in the whole world!" Joe said in excitement as quagmire stands up.

"Men, can I have an "Azuga"? Quagmire said as he ask the group to chant Azuga.

"Azuga! Azuga! Azuga! Azuga! Azuga!" everybody chanted in excitement.

"Hey, nice Azugas." Peter said as he comments on a good Azugas.

Until the club members hear Creaking in the cealing.

"What was that?" Peter asked until Kids Tom tucker and Diana Simmons fall down toward the floor.

"Hey, I thought we told you guys to quit snooping around here!" Quagmire shouted at these kids.

We need to find a story if I'm ever gonna be a big-time reporter, man. Tom Tucker said his response until Peter pushes them towards the door.

"All right, all right. Make like Siamese twins and split...and then one of you die." Peter said as he shuts the door tight.

And now the reason for the emergency meeting, the choosing of the driver! Peter:

"Yea!" the club members shouted their response.

"Our driver should be a man who's all He-Man." Brian said his requirement for the driver.

"A He-Man so manly... that if he fell off a building, he'd go out of his way to land on a girl." Cleveland said his requirement for the driver.

As Peter pick a name out of the raffle, he then look happy by the name he grab from the hat.

"Gentlemen, this year... our driver's name is... none other than my lifelong chum... my best buddy in the whole wide world... the one and only Jake Mallque!" Peter said his best friend Jake has been chosen to be the driver for the club's prize-winning go-kart, "The Blur", in the upcoming Soap Box Derby go-kart race.

"Yea!" the club members shouted their response.

"Otay!" Cleveland said his response.

"Say... where the heck is Jake?" Peter ask where his best friend is while he looks around as Unfortunately, Jake is nowhere to be found.

"When do we have the grape juice? I came for the grape juice." Mayor West asking for juice.

Meanwhile at school, Peter begins his pranking.

"Hey, Quagmire, watch this." Peter said as he puts a kick me sign on a girl.

"Hey, "kick me"!" Teacher said as he kick the girl when he spot the sign.

As School, bell ringing everyone went to his or her seats.

"Boys and girls, we have a new student joining us this morning. Her name is Lois Pewterschmidt." Teacher said as he introduce a new student who happens to be Lois Griffin.

"Just what we need, another girl." Peter complain about the new girl.

"You said it!" Quagmire reply to Peter's response.

As Lois enters both Peter and Quagmire, see her as fine ass girl.

"Wow, I'd like to play doctor with her and remove her inflamed appendix before it bursts, causing sepsis." Peter explains what he will do to her.

"Gigidy-gigidy-gigidy!" Quagmire said as he gets Alfalfa-style cowlick straightens out

Now we join the gang go to find Jake and they discover him in the company of his sweetheart Achika masaki, with whom he is forbidden to be in love because she is a girl and that is against club rules. Now he is sing a song about her beauty.

 _You are so beautiful To me_

 _Can't you see_

 _You're everything I hope for_

 _You're everything I need_

 _You are so beautiful_

 _To me-eeee_

"There he is, you guys! Come on!" Cleveland said as he spot Jake on a boat while they were on top of a wooden bridged.

"He's with a girl." Adam said in shocked while snoopy moan.

"Quiet, snoopy." Frank walker said as they tries to listen in.

"They're together." Nathan said in shocked.

"Oh, no!" gang said in terror.

"This is awful." Lao said.

"Cleveland, hand me your fishin' pole." Peter said as they make a cup phone.

"Oh, Achika, we're two hearts with but one beat. Two brains with but one thought. Two souls with but one...shoe."

"Then how can you belong to that silly woman-Haters Club? You know, I'm a woman. Sort of." Achika said her response.

"Let me tell ya something, Achika. I'm not like those guys. I'm a sensitive male." Jake explain himself to her.

"Eww!" Peter and the gang said in disgust.

"I'm into sharing, caring... feeling and healing. I'm in touch with my feminine side." Jake

"How nice." Achika said in happiness

"It's worse than I thought." Joe said in Jake behavior is getting worst.

"You know, the big talent show at the fair is coming up... and I was wondering if maybe you'd like to sing with me." Achika asking Jake to sing with her at the talent show at the fair.

"You mean it? I'd be honored." Jake said as he accepts her proposal.

"Hey, I've got an idea. Let me take you on a picnic tomorrow." Jake asking her to go with him on a picnic.

"Excuse me? Cleveland said in question on what happing.

"The way you feed my soul, I can, feed your face." Jake said as he express his love for her.

"Cool! And to prove you're proud of me, why don't we have our picnic in your clubhouse?" Achika ask him to have their picnic at We Hate Broads Club.

"No!" the gang shouted in fear of a girl inside their clubhouse.

"Tomorrow? Tomorrow? Swimming day. Sure!" Jake said as he accepts this since he know the gang goes swing tomorrow.

"Oh, Jake! You're a sweetie poo!" Achika said as she and Jake kiss each other in the lips.

"Blech!" The gang fake puke in disgust by the event.

Now the next day at school in the playground as we see Peter and Quagmire walking toward Lois who was reading.

"Hey, Lois, what you reading?" Peter asked her on what she is reading.

"'The Red Badge of Courage.' I sure wish I could meet a brave fellow like the guy in this book." Lois said as she dream of a man who really brave.

"I'm a brave guy, Lois." Peter said a lie and quagmire knew that.

"Oh, yeah? I bet you're not brave enough to laugh at Death!" Quagmire said as he dare peter to laugh at death.

"Watch me. Ha-ha-ha!" Peter said as he laughs at a young death

"Oh, thanks! Like I don't have enough trouble fitting in!" Death said as he felt worse about his life.

"I bet you're not brave enough to take all your clothes off!" Peter said as he dare quagmire to take his clothes off until he notice that he is already naked.

"Way ahead of you. Oh!" Quagmire said, as he was way ahead of him.

"Well, I bet you're too chicken to spend a night at the old Selberg place." Peter said as he dare him to stay at the old Selberg place.

As Eerie instrumental music was playing on Cleveland face which ruin the moment.

"Uh, Cleveland, you mind stepping out of the way?" Peter asked Cleveland to move his face since he is blocking the spooky house.

"Oh, sorry." Cleveland apologies as he moves His face which the Eerie instrumental music replay on the spooky house.

"Well, I ain't chicken to spend the night there!" Quagmire said as he puts on his clothes.

"Well, I ain't neither! And to prove it, I'm going up there tonight after we ruin Jake's date!" Peter said as he going out their

See you there, pal! Quagmire said it in a pout. As a young Mort Goldman arrive to talk to them.

"You can't stay in that house! Old Man Selberg's ghost still haunts it. Not to mention the myriad of bacteria and allergens from years of substandard housekeeping. It does not augur well for you." Mort Goldman said as he warns them about the house being haunted and full bacteria and allergens

"Aw, Zip it, egghead. You with your big words and your small, difficult words." Peter said as he insults mort like the nerd that he is.

"Wow. Any boy who would spend the night in that creepy place sure would be the bravest fellow I ever met." Lois said with being impresson which boy will spend the whole night as she leave all attractive like.

"That Lois is some kind of woman." Peter comment on Lois being a special type of lady.

"Yeah. Just thinking about her makes my testicles want to drop. Oops! Speak of the devil. Oop, make that devils." Quagmire comment on Lois aswell until his balls drop.

At the picnic, Alfalfa and Darla think they are alone, but the other club members secretly watching them and were ready to pull several silly pranks to sabotage their romantic date (whoopee cushion, cat litter in sandwiches, etc.).

"Oh, you're so nice for bringing me here." Achika said as she thanks Jake for invited her.

"I can't see." Petey said as he shoves somebody to see the date.

"Move over." Franky walker said as Jake sets up a table with candlelit lights.

"A candlelit lunch! I'm dazzled." Achika said as Jake sit down on a whoopee cushion.

"Excuse me. I seem to have a little... fahrvergnugen." Jake apologies for his farts. While the gang replace the soda with dirty water juice in the bottle.

"Uh... no problem." Achika said as she accepts his apology. Then the gang place the bottle back at the same spot.

"Grape soda?" Jake asked for a drink of soda.

"Yes, please." Achika said as he poured her some soda in her cup.

"To us." Jake said as they clang their cups and wnet to drink their soda.

"Mmm." Achika said as she notice something wrong with their drinks.

"Ugh!" Jake said as he spits out his drink.

"Ugh." Achika said as she alos spits out her drink.

"This tastes like somebody... poured it through a old boot." Jake said as his notice that the soda taste like a dirty old shoe.

"Actually, it's a sneaker." Adam said as he holds an old sneaker.

"Must've been a bad year." Jake said as the gang add cat litter in sandwiches.

"Maybe we should strap on the old feed bag." Nathan said before they return the sandwiches back. As Jake brought them toward the table.

"which sandwich did I bring?" Achika asked Jake.

"This one." Jake said as he points

"Why don't we swap?" Achika said.

"What's yours is mine..." Jake said as he gives her the sandwich

"And what's mine is ours." Achika said as she gave Jake her sandwich.

"You know just what to say to take a girl's breath away." Achika said as she comment on Jake on astounding her.

"This'll take her breath away." Petey said as he hope she enjoy her sandwich.

"Adam, you sure know how to make a "sand wich." Cleveland said as his comment on the sand in sandwich.

"That wasn't sand. That was kitty litter." Adam said as he explains that he put kitty litter in the sandwich.

"Don't worry, it's pretty fresh." Jake said

"You made a delicious sandwich." Achika said

"So did you. Very crunchy." Jake said

"Maybe we should move on to... dessert." Jake said

"It's a surprise." Jake said

"It's beautiful!" Achika said

"I had to eat six boxes of Cracker Jacks to find it. It's a symbol of my undying affliction for you." Jake said

"I love diamonds! I was wrong about you. You're not embarrassed by the woman you love." Achika said

Achika...would you think me forward if I asked you for a... a big wet one? Jake asked her.

"What?" Achika said in question.

"A kiss?" Jake said as he asked for a kiss form his love.

"Okay." Achika said as she kiss jake on the lips and the gang were gross out by it.

Oh, man! Gross! Nathan said as he tries not to puke.

"I can't take it anymore." Lao said as he and the rest of the gang rush toward the door of the clubhouse.

"Hey Jake, Open up!" Petey shouted from the front door.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" Jake said as he surprised from his friends arriving early.

"Why, thank you, Jake." Achika said as she thanks him.

"Jake, open this door!" Petey shouted from the front door.

"Open up!" the gang finally reveal themselves and demand to come inside the clubhouse

"I'm in my hurry to eat; I forgot to give you the tour. Here is the wall, here is the other wall and... Here's our closet." Jake said, as he is show Achika the club hose and he frantically tries to convince Achika to hide in the closet

"Have you lost your mind?" Achika asking in question.

"Do you wanna go in there?" Jake said as he tries again.

"Just as I thought. You are ashamed of me." Achika said as which leads her to mistakenly believe that Jake feels ashamed of her. In the frenzy, a candle flame gets out of control, ultimately causing the clubhouse to burn down.

"I'm not ashamed of you. I'm proud of you. I just don't want anybody to see you." Jake said, as he make excuses, which had made Achika, feel worse.

"Open up!" Petey said from the front door.

"Well, that does it, mister. I'm out of here!" Achika said as she sit in corner.

"... two...three!" petey count down to one so Jake can open the door before the gang bust in. but Jake did it anyway while pretending to have a toothache.

"It's about time." Joe said as they were waiting.

"Hiya, guys! You're back early." Jake said

"How's the toothache, bub?" petey said in a mad tone as he knew what Jake was doing in the clubhouse.

"Yeah!" the gang said aloud.

"Dentist pulled my wisdom teeth." Jake said

"So that explains why you're acting so stupid. Well, we're going inside." Petey said as he goes towards the door but jake stops him.

"No, you're not! It's such a nice day outside, isn't it? Nothin's going on in there." Jake said while Achika has had it with Jake and she found a way out of the clubhouse by drive the blur out.

"Hey, what's that noise?" Jake aske as he hears something until the blur coming out of the clubhouse.

"Whoa!" petey and gang shout in awe.

Achika! Jake said in shocked until he faited as he notice the fire.

"Fire! Fire!" adam shouted as he notice the fire.

"You two, call the fire department." Petey commanded Cleveland and Adam to call the fire department to stop the clubhouse fire.

"Yes, sir!"

In the frenzy, a candle flame gets out of control, ultimately causing the clubhouse to burn down. As the gang rush to get water from everywhere in town to stop the fire but it was too late, the clubhouse was too burn to survive.

"I'm never gonna speak to you as long as I live. Tell him when he comes to, people. Good-bye!" Achika said as she tells the club members that she and Jake are over.

As Achika breaks up with Jake and turns her attentions toward Lois, the new kid in town whose father is an oil tycoon.

"The clubhouse is fried crispy." Cleveland said in a sad tone.

"Our lives are over." Nathan said in an equal sad tone.

"And it's your entire fault!" Petey said as Jake wakes up from his faint attack.

"That's right." Joe said in agreement.

"It sure is." Quagmire said as he also agreed with that statement.

Now we join everyone at the remains of the clubhouse, where they are having a court Case, everyone vs Jake Mallque.

"All rise for Judge Petey." Joe said the members of the club rise for petey is the judge for Jake case.

"I think Petey's gonna find him guilty." Cleveland said aloud to Adam.

"How do you plead?" Petey asked his friend.

"Like this. Please, oh, please, have mercy, please!" Jake plead like a wuss in front of everybody.

"Hmm! Pretty good pleading." Joe said as he comments on Jake's pleading.

"Hmmm. would you like to make a statement." Petey asked Jake's for a statement.

"Just that... I never knew likin' a girl could lead to all this." Jake said, as he did not knew his date would end up like this.

"Mm-mm-mm." the gang mumble on that response.

"I let my pals down, I let the club down... and I let my best friend down." Jake said as he let everyone down and his friend down because on what he did.

"Jake G Mallque, I hereby sentence you... to execution... at dawn!" Petey said as he fined Jake guilty of his crime and he sentence him to death at dawn. while Jake look shock at his sentence.

"Yes!" Cleveland said in excitement.

"Uh-huh!" Helena said in agreement until Joe interrupt the court to make an offer.

"Your Honor, may I suggest... this court rules he be put on probation. As terms of the probation, he alone will be responsible for guarding the go-cart. Day and night." Joe said as he assigns Jake, to guard the go-kart until the day of the race.

"Uh, uh..." Helena said as she agreed with this sentence.

"Court agrees." petey said as he notice that the court agrees.

"Ya mean ya want me to spend the night here? All alone? Out in the open? Well, what about the wild dingoes?" Jake asked them that he has to stay all night with dingoes who eat kids.

"Deal with it." Petey said as they made their statement of his punishment.

"As another term of his probation... that he may never again talk to, see or even think about Achika... or else." Joe said, as since Jake burned down the clubhouse and fraternized with a girl, he not allowed him to see her again.

"Yeah!" Everyone shouted in agreement.

"And I'm makin' it my own personal business to see that you don't." Petey said as he going to make do with his promise.

"Yeah! All right!" Adam and Cleveland shouted in excitement.

"Oh!" Jake moans in sadness from what has happened to him.

Now we join Jake and Achika on top of a cliff dance around.

"You are so beautiful to me." Jake said as he comments on Achika beauty.

"I love you, Jake. Achika said her love to Jake.

I want to die in your arms." Jake said his confession.

"You do?" Achika said as she asked him if he real want to die in her arms.

"Of course, not right away." Jake said as he calms her down.

"March! March!" Petey and the gang shout a chant as they match towards the hill where Jake and Achika are.

"I'm off to join Sir Spankus in battle." Jake said as he point out to his friend.

"How's the toothache, bub?" Petey asked him in a mad tone.

"But you're my boy-toy! I won't let you go!" Achika said as they hear thunder, which freaky them out then there was silence. Then it shows Adam and Cleveland dress in kilts while playing the bagpipes.

"You must choose between us. Achika said as she asked Jake to choose between her and his friend at the club.

"Uh... uh..." Helena said in agreement.

"Yeah, you must choose between us. Sir Jake, haul butt!" Petey said in agreement.

Maybe this will help you make up your mind. Achika said as she kisses him on the lips until the thunder strikes again which freaks them out again.

"Tell me you'll never leave me." Achika asked Jake, that he would never leave her.

"I'll never leave you." Jake said his confession while making petey piss off in the process.

"That's it, traitor! we must slay you... before your forbidden love... destroys our manly bond." Petey said as he and the gang were going to slay Jake from betraying them and for the good of the club.

"Choose or die! Choose or die! Choose or die! Choose or die! Choose or die! Choose or die! Choose or die! Choose or die! Choose or die! Choose or die!" Petey, Achika and the gang chanted as them move towards the cliff until they blow Jake off it.

While he screams towards his death until Jake wakes up from his dream as everyone in the club was here in the tent.

Ease up, pal. It's just us. Petey said as the gang get comfortable.

"we came to keep you company." Joe said.

"Yeah." The gang said in excitement.

"Well, why am I soaking' wet?" Jake asked them on why he is wet in his sleeping bag.

"Don't worry, Jake. I used to have the same problem." Adam said as he had wetting problems.

"There's just a hole in the tent." Cleveland said as he revel that theirs a hole in the tent, which he squishes as the hole, squats water at gang members.

"whoo!" The gang shouted at exciement until thunder freaks them out.

"You're not thinking about Achika, are ya?" petey asked Jake as he notice him think about something.

"No, of course not." Jake said to that response.

"Good!" Petey said.

"I wonder if she's not thinking of me too." Jake asked aloud as he wonder if Achika is not thinking about him as well.

Meanwhile Achika was having a sleepover with her friends.

"Why are boys such jerks?" Achika asking her friends.

"You're not thinking about Jake, are you? Donna tubbs asked her.

"Oh, no, no, no, no way!" Achika

Are you sure? Bonnie asked her.

Meanwhile at the club the boys were think on why girl stink.

"Babes are like a bad song!" Jerome tell how girls are like a horrible song.

"Once you get 'em stuck in your head, you can't get 'em out again." Lois said in agreement, on how boys are terrible.

"Why do they have to be so..." Donna said one part of a statement.

"Different?" Quagmire said to finish that statement.

"Hmmm!" Jake hummes in question.

"Girls get along with each other." Achika said as she said good thing about girls.

"Boys stand up for themselves." Petey said as he said good things about boys.

"Girls care." Achika said as she runs around.

"Boys take what's theirs." Petey said as he tells them that boys are greater than girls are.

"Boys won't listen." Achika complain about boy's behavior.

"All they wanna do is talk." Joe said as he tells them that girls can stop talking.

"They like to moon ya." Diana tells the girls that boy will moon you with their butt's wide open.

"No, we don't!" Cleveland said as he heard what donna said without explanation until booth group from where they are heard thunder which freaks them out.

"Gigglin' and gossipin'." Adam said his response about girls.

"Fighting and farting!" Muriel Goldman said her response about boys.

"Barbies and bracelets." Frank walker said his response about girls.

"Boogers and bugs!" Achika said in disgust about boys worst hobbies.

"Ice skating." Nathan said his response about girls.

"Bungee jumping." Bonnie said her response about boys.

"Synchronized swimming!" quagmire said his response about girls in disgust.

"And all try to get 'em to sit still. Mort said his response

"Boys! Ugh!" Achika and girls shout in disgust by boys.

"Girls! Ugh!" petey and the boys shout in disgust by girls as we turn to the girls running around in excitement.

"And the worst thing of all..." Petey said more about the girls.

"They smell... - weird!" both boys and girls shout about each on smelling weirded.

Now we join the gang walk toward a wood workers to buy some wood to remake their club house.

"Howdy, mister." Petey said hello to the wood worker as he notice a grouip of kids in front of his desk.

"Me and my buddies have to build a new clubhouse." Petey asked the man about getting wood for his clubhouse.

"We need to buy some lumber." Joe said in agreement.

"What kind?" the wood worker asked them.

"Wood!" Joe said to that response to the wood worker.

 _\- # Short people got nobody #_

"We took up a collection. Give us all the wood you can for this much, please. Petey said as he give all the money that he had in his pocket. The wood worker went in the back to get the amount of wood that cause from what petey had.

 _# Short people got no reason to live #_

 _# They got little hands #_

 _# Little eyes #_

 _\- # They walk around tellin' great big lies #_

"Paper or plastic?" The wood worker asked them which was not enough wood that they need..

 _# They got little noses and tiny little teeth #_

 _# They wear platform shoes on their nasty little feet #_

"$450 for lumber?" joe said out loud as the group were moving around town.

"where are we gonna get that kind of moola?" petey asked the group on how they get that amount of money.

"I don't know. You know what they say. Wood doesn't grow on trees." Jerome said a mean that wood doesn't grow on trees but doesn't know that wood is made from trees.

 _\- # Don't want no short people #_

 _\- # 'Round here #_

"Hey, you guys, come 'ere!" Petey shouts at the group to near where he is now.

"what's going on?" Joes asked him.

"what's up?" Jerome asked as well. While petey points at a bank with a smile.

"All in favor say,"Yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy!" petey asked them if they agree with this plan.

"Yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy..." as the gang all shouted the chant in agreement.

As they tried to get in the bank in disguise, they were disguise as two men in black suits with black hat and long brown beards. However, the bank teller figure them out and kick them out as other men that look like them enter the bank.

Meanwhile at the clubhouse ruins we join Jake writing his punishment in the cart.

"She loves me. She loves me not. She loves me. She loves me not. She loves me! You guys don't know what you're talkin' about. I have to see her!" Jake said as he realized that he still love Achika

"But that's a violation of your probation." Adam said.

I know! I'll write a message, and you two can take it to her. Jake said as he attempts to win back Achika.

"Wait a second! We're He-Man woman-Haters. We can't deliver love notes." Cleveland said in that response.

"Love note? No! This is gonna be a hate note." Jake said as he sending her a fake love note. However, that will fails right.

"Sounds good to me!" Cleveland said.

"Dear Achika, I hate your stinkin' guts! You make me vomit. You're scum between my... toes. Love, Jake." Jake said as he wrote a note as he pass it to Cleveland and Adam.

"Otay!" Cleveland and Adam said together.

As the scene changes where Cleveland and Adam were at achika house as she is in her ballerina custom.

"What's up, guys?" Achika asked them on what they are here for.

"Cleveland, where's the note?" Adam asked him on where is the note.

"Note, note. I know I got it here somewhere." Cleveland said as he check his person for the note.

"Come on, guys." Achika said as she is getting inpatient.

"We'll find it." Adam said as he calm her down.

"I'm waiting." Achika said as she tap hers foot.

"I know! I gave it to you." Cleveland said as he is notice Adam sneezed on the note, which made it unreadable.

"Uh-oh!" Adam said in response.

"what's going on?" Achika asked them again.

"It's otay. I remember what it said. "Dear Achika." Cleveland said as he repeat what Jake said while he was writing the note.

"I hate your stinkin' guts." Cleveland said as Achika get mad.

"You make me vomit." Cleveland said as Achika made a stake face in anger.

"Hmmph!" Achika said to that response.

\- "You are scum between my toes." Cleveland said as achika look shocked by this message.

"Oh!" Adam said in shocked by the note as well.

"Love, Jake." Cleveland said who wrote the note as Achika smash her soda can in anger.

Whoa! Cleveland said in shocked by the soda can being smash like that.

Now we are back at the clubhouse ruins with Jake.

"Well?" Jake asked on how it went.

"Yeah... "Cleveland said his response.

"But was she upset?" Adam said in response.

"Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm!" Jake mumble in despair from his failure.

Few hours later we see Jake write the same sentence repeatedly.

"I will not think of Achika. I will not think of Achika! I will not think of Achika. Maybe Petey is right. Huh?" Jake said to snoopy.

"Maybe I should just forget about love. Dang, I'm outta paper." Jake said as his notice he ran out of paper and snoopy comes back with toilet paper.

"No, not that kind of paper!" Jake said as snoopy found a piece of paper without knowing that it was the list.

"Thanks, snoopy." Jake said as he then notice that this paper was a list of stuff that ruin his date with achika.

"Skunked by that sleazy sidewinder Petey! It's his fault Achika hates me!" jake said as he had it and he will get even with petey tonight.

"Hop in, snoopy! Sit!" Jake said as he drive toward the old Selberg place.

As Dramatic instrumental music playing we join petey and the gang inside old Selberg place.

"All right. Quagmire's team will take the left side of the house. Peter's team will take the right. And whoever's alive in the morning can bury his dead pals." Joe said the rules of the dare.

"Do I have a cobweb in my hair? It feels like I have a cobweb in my hair." Cleveland asked the group that if he has a cobweb in his hair.

Now we join Quagmire's team asthey walk on the stairs while the guys hear a wolf howling.

"What was that?" Cleveland asked on that howling.

"It's just Michael Winslow from Police Academy." Quagmire said as tells them to relax, as he know who is make the noise.

The sounds turn out to originate from Winslow and continues to do a bunch of sound effects. He voices himself. Growling Monkey noise and make Helicopter noise, Elephant noise, Baaing like a sheep and then make Submarine noise as he walks away. Then Quagmire's team ran in terror.

Now we join peter's team as they walk on the first floor.

"This house gives me the creeps." Joe said, as he is scared out of his mind.

"Yeah. Let's get out of here." Brian said, as he wants out of here, until petey stiops them.

"Wait, wait, wait. We can't let those guys win. What we ought to do is pretend we're ghosts, see-" Peter said as then scene change to quagmire group.

-and then we'll scare the other guys out of the house- Quagmire said as then scene change to Peter group.

"-Then we can say that we spent-" Peter said as then scene change to quagmire group.

"-The-" Quagmire said as then scene change to Peter group.

"-night. Then, everyone will think we're-"Peter said as then scene change to quagmires' group.

"-The-" Quagmire said as then scene change to Peter's group.

"-bravest kids in the world. Especially Lois, He, he, he, he." Peter said as he laughs then scene change to quagmire's group.

"All right!" Quagmire said as he finish telling his plan.

Now we join peter group as they plan to scared quagmire group with something.

"Hey, I got a great idea!" Peter said as he and his group gets into suit of armor.

"This'll really scare them. Everybody set?" Peter said as he inside the helmet.

Check! Joe said as he inside the chest plate and using the arms.

Check! Brian said as he inside the pants and it shows his nose from the crotch area.

"Sock it to me!" Goldie Hawn said as she pops out of the leg of the armor and shouts the catch phrase from the late 1960s-early 1970s sketch comedy show Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In.

As Quagmire, Cleveland and Adam stack together while putting a bed sheet on them to make them look like a ghost.

"If we only had a teacup, this'd be like playing Find the Teacup in the Bed Sheet, like I do with my Aunt Sophia." Mayor West said proceed to attempt to scare each other out

As they both walk in the hallway threw the many rooms and Mystery, Inc made an appearance until they bump into each other and they fell out of their costumes.

"My God! Not only are ghosts real, but their innards are made of children." Peter said as he thinks that ghost are made of kids.

"Peter, it's us!" Quagmire said until they encounter an apparently "real" ghost.

"Say, that's a nice effect." Peter said as he comments on the ghost.

"Yeah. That's really scary." Quagmire said as he agrees with peter.

"Wait a second. If you're there, and I'm here and Istanbul is somewhere in this general area then who the hell is that?" Peter said as he point his stick at the ghost in question as to who it is.

"Whoaaaaaaa!" the ghost shouted as he scares both groups.

"Ahhhhhhhhaahhhhh!" The gang Screaming as they all flee in terror out of the house while Jake laughs behind the bushes.

"Payback a bitch right Petey!" Jake said as he got his payback while in another bushes we see tom and Diana writing their next story.

"Ha-Get used to this sight, Diane. Guys running away from you." Tom Tucker said as he mocks her on her dating skills.

"Tom, you're so deep in the closet, you're finding Christmas presents." Diane Simmons said as she told him that he was too gay.

Now we join the gang inside the ruins of the clubhouse as they try to make excuses.

"All right. Now, remember our story. We tell Lois that we both stayed all night. I caught the ghost with my lasso". Peter said his part of his story.

"And I punched him so hard, he ran crying all the way back to Hell!" Quagmire said

"She'll have to believe that. It hangs together so perfectly." Peter said his plan will work until they hear the news.

"Our top story today, cowardly kids lay down rubber at the old Selberg place as they were prank by former friend." Diane Simmons said

"Wait. Turn that up." Peter said as they rushes toward the TV.

"Peter Griffin and Glen Quagmire were seen bolting" Tom Tucker said as peter turn up the volume and tom gets louder.

"Were seen bolting out of the supposedly haunted house after just one half-hour leaving only their pride and twin trails of urine behind them, as peter griffin was prank by Jake mallque for ruining his date?" Tom Tucker said his side of the report.

"Cheese and crackers! Its thanks to Jake that Lois will know everything!" Quagmire said as he complain

"Not if I can help it!" Peter said as he pick up a paper cup and he Imitates phone ringing.

"Newsroom." Tom Tucker said as he answers his paper cup phone.

"Hello. This is Peter Griffin. You'd better stop saying that stuff or we'll watch something else!" Peter said his responces.

As they are flipping channels, they turn to an episode of The View, featuring young versions of its hosts at the time, Star Jones, Meredith Vieira, Joy Behar, Lisa Ling and Walters.

"Today on The View, cooties, the silent killer." Barbara Walters said in her adult voice.

Now we join the boys try to fund-raise $450, the cost of the lumber needed to rebuild their clubhouse at the fair. By make a sideshow attraction.

 _# we are He-Man woman Haters #_

 _# we feed girls to alligators #_

 _# The clubhouse burned down_

 _mighty low #_

 _# But we got a plan_

 _to make some dough #_

 _# Left, right, Left, right ##_

"Looking good." Jerome said about their tent.

"This is gonna be a piece of cake." Petey said as he feel this paln is going to work.

"Petey, me and adam got an idea." Cleveland said as he tell him about their idea.

"Keep it. You might need it when you grow up." Petey said.

"Otay. Cleveland and Adam said together as they ran over signs.

"Hey, maybe this will work. Let's go." Adam said as they pick up a sign that said admission for $3.00.

"Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls!" Petey said as his dress like a showmen.

"Enter if you dare! See the weird freak of nature!" Jerome said as he too dress like a showmen.

"Even science can't explain it! It's a really good show!" Petey said.

"Step right up and witness this hideous mutant!" Jerome said.

"Amazing! Incredible! Come on, everybody!" Petey said.

"It's the Four-foot man-eating chicken!" Jerome said as it reveal what inside was Joe dress like a hobo while eating chicken.

"Hey, folks, we need to make some money!" Petey said.

"Gimme a quarter! Five dollars! Anything!" Jerome said.

"We need to build a new clubhouse!" Petey said as he explains the mean of his sideshow.

"Just hurry, hurry, hurry! People, people! We need your money!" Jerome said but nobody came in to see their sideshow.

"You there, kid! wanna come in?" Petey said as he asked a kid to come in but he never did.

"At least people are ridin' the rides." Jerome said something good about the carnival.

Now we join the gang as they give up as they walk out of their tent.

"Come on, Petey. So things didn't quite pan out." Jerome said

"Didn't quite pan out"? we have less money than when we came!" Petey said with a sad tone until Jerome notice something.

"I thought the talent show was supposed to be free." Jerome said the gang notice the youngest club members, Cleveland and Adam, have unwittingly come up with $500, not realizing that their method for earning the money was not exactly honest.

"Look at all that money!" Petey said aloud.

"What's goin' on?" Joes asked them.

"We just put up the sign and people started payin' us." Cleveland explain what's going on as he reeve money.

"Cleveland, Adam, you're geniuses." Jerome said as he congratulates them.

"Th-a-a-anks!" Cleveland and Adam said.

"Look, how 'bout if I take over and give you guys a break?" Petey said as he tells them to take a break while he takes over.

"Otay!" Cleveland and Adam said as they relax while Petey takes over the stand.

"Hmm. Money, money." Petey said until somebody busted him wide open.

"Petey Griffin!" A voice said outload petey name.

"Miss Crabtree!" Petey said her name aloud as it reveals Miss Crabtree; his schoolteacher finds out about the scheme and confronts them.

"I would expect this from a four-year-old, but not from you!" Miss Crabtree said as she walks towards the table.

"Petey, tricking people out of their money is wrong. It's just like cheating on your homework." Miss Crabtree said as she puts the money in the jar while ripping Petey a new one.

"But I..." Petey said as he tries to get a word in but Miss Crabtree interrupts.

"What are we to do with all this money? We can't give it back to these people one by one." Miss Crabtree asked him on what are they going to do with all this money.

"Um, Miss Crabtree, I got a suggestion. What we could do is..." Petey said as he convinces her to donate the money to be given as first prize in the go-kart derby

"Interesting. Intriguing. I love it." Miss Crabtree said as she agrees to this plan while Petey hums and rubs his hand like a carton villain.

At the carnival talent show the day before the race, Jake once again tries to win achika back, this time through song, being that achika mentioned after she dumped him that the only thing she ever really missed about him was his voice.

Lois and achika also entered the show in a duet. Jake then requests the chance to perform for her and win her back.

However, Lois sabotages his attempts to serenade her by putting soap in his drinking water, causing him to burp out bubbles all throughout his song. As Jake walk away in disgrace until somebody stops him.

"Well, hello, Mr. Bubbles!" Petey said as he and gang saw what he did and they were not happy.

"That was the most disgusting display... of she-man woman-loving I've ever seen!" Petey said as he insults him right in his face and jake wasn't gonna take anymore.

"Don't talk to me, you Benedict Arnold! You... You Judas Priest! This is your entire fault!" Jake said, as he busted him on all the crap he did all week.

"My entire fault? You torched the clubhouse. And it's my entire fault?" Petey said as he is insult by Jake for him blaming him for the stuff he did. Until he notice something is missing.

"Say, you're supposed to be guarding the go-cart, you Muzak-warbling wimp!" Petey asking him on where is the go cart.

"Relax, you double-crossing mud-muncher! I parked it right over there!" Jake said as he takes them to the location of the cart but it was gone.

"It was right here!" Jake said as because of Jake's carelessness, Victor and Ernie the giant chicken eventually steal The Blur. Therefore, that now, in addition to having to rebuild the clubhouse, the boys need a new go-kart.

\- well, where is it? Petey asked him on where is their go cart.

\- Boy, you're messin' up left and right! Jerome said

That's it, you sissified tweety-bird! I wish I had a club to throw you out of! Petey said

\- Me too! well, you sewage-swigging slimeball... if there still was a club, I'd quit! Jake said

\- Good! Petey said

\- Hmph! Jake said

As we see both Petey and Jake now had a falling out when the latter discovers the gang's "prank list"

Now we join both quagmire and peter at the malt shop to confess to Lois on what happened last light.

"Lois? There's something we got to tell you." Peter said.

"Yeah. We didn't stay in the haunted house. We're not brave. Quagmire said as he and peter feel shame.

"Oh, I've decided I don't care about bravery." Lois says that she no longer impressed by bravery.

"You don't?" Peter and Quagmire said together in question.

"No. I realized what I really like is smarts." Lois said as intelligence she likes. As she introduces Mort Goldman.

"Sorry I'm late, darling. I was checking my stool for blood." Mort Goldman said something gross.

"Mort Goldman!" Peter and Quagmire shouted aloud.

"He's so clever! Show them, Morty!" Lois said as he takes out a projector, which shows the ghost again, and they both flee in terror again as Lois gives mort a kiss.

"He got us again!" Peter said as he gets piss off by being scared again.

"This whole thing just shows both women and Mort are nothing but trouble!" Quagmire said out loud.

"You said it! Let's you and me get even with them for good!" Peter said as they swear to get even with mort and girls forever in disgust.

"And how!" Quagmire said as he agrees. But now petey realized that he lost his best friend and getting a girl to like him later on so he sit in front of his porch.

 _# I've had bad dreams #_

 _# And too many times #_

 _# To think that they #_

 _# Don't mean much anymore #_

 _# The fine times have gone #_

 _# And left my sad heart #_

 _# And friends #_

 _# who once cared #_

 _# Just walked out my door #_

As we see, Jerome walks towards Jake house to talk to him.

"Go make up with him, Jake." Jerome said as he asked him to Petey.

"You guys have been friends since you were one. Jerome said as he tries to convince him to forgive petey.

"He started it!" Jake and petey said together as it sahows Jerome tries to convince them both to forgive each other while visiting them at different times.

"And you should finish it. You're a team, like Bert and Ernie... Superman and Clark Kent, Mille and Vanilla. At least go talk to him. What could it cost?" Jerome asked them on what will cost them to forgive each other.

"You mean, besides my dignity and pride?" Petey said his response.

"All I know is... you only make a once-in-a-lifetime buddy... once in a lifetime." Jerome said as both Jake and Petey toward each other house to see if any of them walks to talk.

 _# And too many times #_

 _# To think that you #_

 _# Could come back again #_

 _# And love has no pride #_

 _# when I call out your name #_

"Is Petey home?" Jake asked Thelma Griffin from petey house.

"I'm sorry, Jake. Petey isn't here." Thelma Griffin said as we see Petey asking Jake's father, Frank Geo Mallque if Jake is home.

"I'm sorry, Petey. Jake's not here." Frank Geo Mallque said as he tell petey that his son is not here.

"Darn!" Petey said in disappointment as he walks away while we zoom in at jake as he said the same response.

"Darn!" Jake said in disappointment as he walks away to the only place that matter, the clubhouse.

 _# I'd give anything #_

 _# To see you again #_

"I thought I'd find you here." Petey said as he walk toward Jake, as he knew Jake would be here.

"I'm sorry I called you a double-crossing mud-muncher... and a sewage-swigging slimeball." Jake apologies to his friend for the insults.

"I'm sorry I called you a sissified tweety-bird... and a Muzak-warbling wimp." Petey apologies to his friend for the insults.

"I'm sorry I called you a barf-encrusted jumbo jerk." Jake said as his apologies to his friend for the insults.

"You didn't call me a barf-encrusted jumbo jerk." Petey said as he tells him that he did not call him that.

"Oh. I guess I was just thinking it." Jake said as he realized that he was think it at the time.

"I'm sorry about the fire." Jake said apologies to his friend for the fire.

"I'm sorry about messin' up... your picnic lunch with Darla. Maybe I am somewhat responsible for the fire too, a little." Petey said, as he is apologies to his friend for ruining his date. He maybe cause the fire as well.

"You know, Petey, I like girls. It might even get worse as I get older." Jake said as he explains that liking girls is a part of life.

"I know you like girls, Jake. The problem is that rules is rules." Petey said as he explain that the club rulers are absolute.

"But is woman-hating the important thing? I mean, couldn't we be a club cause we like something?" Jake said as he question the club.

"Hmm. Shoot! Without a clubhouse, we do not have a club." Petey said as the clubhouse is gone and they don't have a club now.

"Hey! You guys burned down a clubhouse, not a club!" Jerome said as he walk toward them.

"A club is buddies... who stick together, no matter what!" Quagmire said as he appear next to them with is response.

While every member comes towards them to cheer them up.

"Uh-huh!" Helena said in agreement.

"I just wish we could still enter the go-cart derby. But it's impossible." Jake said as he realized that they need a go cart for the derby but its impossible.

"Who says it is impossible? Every one of us, working together... Pal, that's all the possible we need!" Petey said as he realized that they have what they need to make a go-cart, friends. As They band together to build "Blur 2: The Sequel," and prior to race day.

"We need a hammer... and nails. A motor. we need a battery and a chassis... four axles and a wheel belt. Somebody get a supercharger. Go get it, guys!" Petey said as he give everyone instructions on what to get. Then they slip up to get part for the go-cart.

"Here, Petey." Jake said as they start on the go-cart as a line get start with a kid carry the part they need for the cart.

"Screwdriver." Petey asked as he works on the cart as a kid gives him a Screwdriver.

"Ratchet." Petey asked as he works on the cart as a kid gives him a Ratchet.

Now we join Cleveland and Adam with a wagon full of stuff with a garbage can. As it opens up to revel Helena inside the can.

"Hey, Uh-Huh, does it stink in there?" Cleveland asked Helena about the smell inside the trash container.

Uh-huh! Helena said her response

"Monkey wrench!" Petey asked as he works on the cart as the monkey gives him a Monkey wrench. As They finished together to build "Blur 2: The Sequel," and reach prior to race day.

"Ta-dum! Do us proud, buddy?" Petey said as he give the keys to Jake.

"You betcha!" Jake said, as he feels proud of this moment.

Petey and Jake reconcile their friendship and decide to ride in the two-seat go-kart together. They hope to win the prize money and the trophy, which is to be presented to the winners by A.J. Ferguson.

Now we join the gang at the Soap Box Derby go-kart race.

Hey, everybody! Don't forget! Following the go-cart derby, there will be a tiny tot bunny race at 3:30. Entrants must be five years and under. See you there! The announcer said.

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls... welcome to the 73rd annual go-cart derby! Hey, guys, get in your cars! we're ready to start! You there, the kid in the blue. Stop horsin' around. You're gonna break your neck." The announcer said as the racers got on their go-carts.

Meanwhile Jake and Petey notices victor and Ernie's cart as it was their original cart.

"How we gonna beat that?" Jake said in question.

"It looks like The Blur with a new paint job!" Petey said as he feel piss off from get his cart wreck by these losers aka victor and Ernie.

Meanwhile Cleveland and Adam walk toward the racetrack while sing.

 _# we're goin' to the race #_

 _# we're goin' to win first place #_

 _# And you have an ugly face #_

'I don't have an ugly face. You have an ugly face!" Cleveland said in argument.

"You have an ugly face!" Adam said in argument.

"You have an ugly face!" Cleveland said in argument.

"Your mother has an ugly face!" Adam said in argument as they move the sign of of the checkpoints of the race.

Now back to the racetrack.

"The race course is marked with arrows... and it ends right back here where it started from.' The announcer said the rulers of the race.

"I wonder where A.J. Ferguson is." Jake asked on where is this famous racer.

"I don't know, but I can't wait to meet him." Petey said his response.

"Okay, guys, this is it. Fasten your seat belts. Well, well. Ms. Pewterschmidt. Nice of you to join us. The last car is finally is position." The announcer said as Lois and achika arrived.

"Well, if it isn't Lois. All the money in the world is no substitute for hard work and ingenuity." Petey brags about his cart.

"You lead a rich fantasy life." Lois said it sarcastically.

"Thank you. Petey said as he accept the complement.

"Moron." Lois said outload as Petey notice Jake doing something.

"What are you doing' with that? Petey asking as he notice Jake putting a handkerchief in the hood orderment.

"It's achika's handkerchief. All great knights ride into battle... wearing the colors of their lady fair." Jake said his speech which impresses her for Lois car.

"I'm not hearing this. I'm not hearing this." Petey said as he tries to ignore what Jake is saying.

Now we join Cleveland and Adam finally reach the track as Cleveland notice something in the audience.

"Hey, look! My mom's here!" Cleveland said as his point at her in the audience

"Whoopee." Adam said sarcastically as it show whoopee Goldberg playing Cleveland's mom while she does the hand sign and they do the hand sign back to her.

"The first racer to cross the finish line will receive... this genuine, gold-plated, cubic zirconium-encrusted trophy! As well as the prize of five hundred dollars! Gentlemen, start your engines! All right, ready. Steady. One, two, three, go!" the female announcer said as she start the race.

As Victor and Ernie, make several sneaky attempts to stop Jake and Petey from winning the race.

Meanwhile Lois and achika are also in the go-kart race, but they are eventually annoyed with each other, and Lois seemingly kicks achika out from his car midway through the race.

In a wild dash to the finish, and despite the many scrapes and crashes throughout the race. As achika's handkerchief fall off and land in Jake's face.

"Grab the wheel! Jake said as he get to the hood orderment

"Are you crazy? We got a finish line to cross!" Petey said as he argues with him.

"Not without this!" Jake said his statement, as he gets closer to the hood orderment.

"You're nuts!" Petey said as he is driving the cart.

"Whoa!" Jake said as he almost fall of the cart.

"Watch out! You're gonna fall!" Petey said as he worries for his friend.

"Aaaah! I am gonna fall off! Hold my feet! Aaaah! Aaaaaah!" Jake shouted in panic as they race toward the finish line.

"Grrrr!" Victor said as he tries to catch up with to the blur 2 and Lois's cart.

"Hold on! we're almost there!" Petey said aloud.

"The Blur 2" crosses the finish line ahead of the pack in a photo-finish between "The Blur" and "The Blur 2" literally by a hair, due to Jake's pointy hairstyle.

"Winner by a hair! Yes!" whoopee Goldberg said aloud.

"You did it, Alfalfa! You won!" Petey said as he hug him.

"We did it! All of us!" Jake said as they cheer together for their victory.

"Gentlemen, let's give Jake a big..."Spoley-oley"!" Quagmire said as they chanted Spoley-oley.

"Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley!"

"Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you..." Jake said his thanks to his club members.

"It ain't right! we go through all the trouble of stealing your racer... and you still win! Better brace yourself, because now I'm really gonna kick your butt!" victor and Ernie said as they are angry towards Jake because he won the trophy and the prize money. They attempt to beat him up.

"I'm usually a lover, not a fighter... but in your case I'm willin' to make an exception." Jake said as he finally stands up for himself and punches victor in the face, knocking him into a pool of pig slop.

"Pig puckey!" Victor said aloud in the pool of pig slop.

"Allow me!" Ernie said as he then gets scared and jumps into the slop willingly.

"Looking good, man." Jerome said as he like their new look.

"Yeah!" the gang said.

"Hey, there's the guy who risked his neck for us! I gotta admit, he turned out to be pretty okay, darn it. Put it there, pal." Petey said as he shake the hand of Lois's partner in the race.

"You're quite a gal. Us machismo types have a club... The He-Man woman-Haters Club." Petey said as he tries to get the girl in to the club until Jake pokes him.

"Jake, I'm extending a membership offer here. Now, what is it?" Petey said.

"That's not Lois!" Jake said as Lois come up within a limo all hurt because of the prank quagmire did off screen.

"You'll be hearing from my lawyers." Lois said crying inside the limo as it drives away.

"Then who's this guy who saved our butts?" Petey asked him.

"Hi, guys. what's up?" Achika said as she reveals herself to the gang.

"A girl! Ohh!" Petey said as he faint by this shocking development.

"Petey!" Jake said as he realized that it had been achika who had kicked Lois out of their car and finished the race alone because she found out that Lois was responsible for the bubbles at the talent show.

"Well, don't that beat all." Jerome said aloud.

Now we are in the stand of for the winners of the race.

"Now it gives me great pleasure to present this beautiful trophy... and the prize money...to Jake Mallque and Petey Griffin." The female announcer said the name of the winners

Is that a cowlick, or are you just glad to see me? The female announcer said as she kisses Jake in the cheek.

"Ah, the strong, silent type, eh?" The female announcer said as she sees Petey pout.

"Do not take this personal, lady, but my pal's real disappointed." Jake said as he explain why his friend is pouting.

"Ohh! What's the matter, sugar pie?" The female announcer asked them.

"Well, we were just kind of hoping' that... A.J. Ferguson was gonna give us the trophy." Jake explain to the women.

"Well, boys, today's your lucky day. Cause that's exactly who I am!" The female announcer said as Petey, meanwhile, is shocked at the trophy presentation when he finally meets his favorite driver, A.J. Ferguson, who turns out to be female.

"You are the best driver there is!" Petey said as he finally meet his hero.

"Well, thank you very much! You didn't do so bad yourself!" A.J. Ferguson said as she kisses him in the cheek.

"Say, let's even things up. How 'bout one on this side?" Petey asked her to kiss him on the other cheek.

"There ya go! what a great race!" A.J. Ferguson said as she kisses Petey on the other cheek.

Now we join the gang walk out of the fair with their trophy and prize money. Until achika shows up near them.

"I saw what you did to save my hanky, Jake. That was very heartwarming." Achika said

"And awfully romantically." Donna add that comment.

"Gee, thanks, but I thought you hated me." Jake said.

"I don't hate you. It's just sometimes you do mean things... like playing tricks on me at our picnic." Achika said, as she is sick of the tricks she thinks he pull.

"Uh, I can explain that. I wrecked your picnic with Jake. You see, I thought you was trying' to steal my best friend. I also thought you were trying' to sabotage our club. However, I think I was wrong. I'm sorry, you guys." Petey confesses to achika that he and the boys pulled the pranks on her at their picnic lunch, not Jake.

"My Jakenator!" Achika said as she in love again with Jake.

My delectable achikaooney! Jake said as he also wins back achika as she kiss him and he does wiggling ears.

After the clubhouse is rebuilt, the boys collectively reconsider towards membership and they decide to welcome achika as well as other girls into the club, adding a "Women Welcome" sign onto the front door.

"So, do you live around here?" Cleveland asked Donna.

"Yeah." Donna replied.

Now we join Adam asking a girl out.

"Do you like dolls?" Adam asked her.

" -mmm." The girl replied no.

"I do!" Carol Pewterschmidt reply.

"Say! Have we betrayed our ancestors? Have we trampled on the generations of honest woman-haters... who came before us?" Petey asked everyone in question of betraying his or her ancestor of woman haters.

"Nah-uh." Helena said as everyone in the club stopped.

"Huh? Hey, everybody! Uh-Huh's learned a new word!" Petey said aloud.

"Actually, I've always had a rather extensive vocabulary... not to mention a phenomenal grasp of grammar... and a superlative command of syntax. I simply chose not to employ them. Also I been female all this time since I might lose the only friends I ever knew." Helena said as she explain that she secretly possess a strong vocabulary, but chooses to simply reply to situations with her catchphrase.

"Ohhh-tay!" the gang reply in agreement as everyone kisses his or her girls.

"Well, I guess things just have to change sometimes." Petey said as Brian rolls his eyes in agreement.

 **35 years later**

 **Both Jake and peter are still friends but, without the distraction of women hating, they have become incredibly wealthy.**

"I say, Meg, it seems to me we've each made another $500 million." Frank said.

"Good thing your father change my father mind of swore off women so he wouldn't be distracted and unable to accumulate this vast amount of wealth." Meg said

"Yes. You watch the ticker. I'm gonna get ready for bed and have sex with you later in it." Frank said.

"All right then." Meg said in agreement.

 **The End**

 **John and Tyler's Creative Writing shorts**

 **Director: Chris Koch Writers: Gregory Thomas Garcia, Bobby Bowman**

 **Re- Written and Re-Directed by Frank Mallque**

 _I guess my favorite time in quahog is nighttime._

Lights out!

 _When it's dark and peaceful, you can almost feel like you're not stuck behind bars anymore._

Outside lights on!

 _Those are the best seven seconds of my day._

 _Roommates like to complain, of course, but we are not the only ones who can feel trapped._

 _Sometimes Tyler felt trapped in a job that conflicted with his kind and gentle nature._

As it shows Tyler, feels trapped in a crab-killing job that does not reflect his gentle.

 _Persephone sometimes felt trapped just by being too pretty._

"Is the Latina girl going to be walking to her car soon? Cause they're really strict about curfew at the halfway house." As Neil asked, Meg on where is here sister is. As Persephone's trapped by being too pretty

 _Chris sometimes felt trapped in his day-to-day life._

I wanted the baby one on the bottom. Chris said, as he did not get his prized as his hand trapped in the pickle jar.

 _And sometimes Meg felt trapped just taking care of her overactive kids._

"You two settle down. In addition, get Mama's thong off your head. You had pinkeye last week." Meg said as she trapped in motherhood.

 _However, I for one was about to get an escape._

"Prison Creative Writing. Creative writing is a wonderful way to escape from prison, in your imagination." The Creative writing teacher said as she explain to the class about it.

"It's a chance to free your mind, even if you're stuck behind walls and a five-point limb and torso restraint. Anyway, I want you, men, to create a story where you're the main character, and you can do absolutely anything." The Creative writing teacher said as she challenges her class to escape into their imagination. By writing a story about themselves, where they can do anything they want.

 _This tiny armored lady was actually getting me excited about writing, saying how the pen is mightier than the sword. Then someone used their pen as sword._

"Excuse me, Misses Teacher? I think Enrico might need a pass to the nurse's office." John said as he tells her that his classmate was stab by a pen.

 _Getting started on my creative writing project was harder than I expected. I always thought I had a good imagination, but, turns out, that was just my imagination._

"How do you spell "hematoma"?" sonny asked john.

"I do not know, Sonny. If you are going to make up words, just make up how to spell them." John reply his response.

"No, it is a real word. See, I am writing a story about me beating up a gymnast. I hate those people." Sonny said as he writes a story about beating up a gymnast, as he hated them.

"I wish I had an idea. I am trying to write but just drawing a blank." John said as he smashes another paper. As he cannot think what to write down.

"You are being too uptight, man. You have to just close your eyes and look inside your brain. You know, like when you are driving on meth." Sonny tells him to close his eyes as he is driving on meth, and enter his imagination.

 _I had never driven on meth before, but I have ridden shotgun plenty of times while someone else did and closing your eyes did help. Therefore, I gave it a shot._

"So this is my imagination. Cool. My story can be about me doing anything. Anything I can imagine." John said, as his imagination is very white.

"You could put me in your story. It worked for Sonny. Come on, hit Me." the annoying gymnast said, as he wants to help.

"Break my nose." The annoying gymnast asked john to hit him in the nose.

"That's Sonny's thing. Sweet of you, though. You can go now." John said no and asked him to leave.

"I can't leave unless you stop thinking about me." The annoying gymnast said his response.

"Right." John said as he tries to un-think about the annoying gymnast.

"You are thinking about me." The annoying gymnast said.

"Shut up!" John said as he out of his head scratch that paper.

"And that right there took me a little less than four and one half hours."

"Writing sounds cool. You could make a world where anything could happen. Like a guy all alone in a boat hunting a big, white whale." Chris said as he thinks writing sounds cool. As he, take a paper and they both started writing.

"Chris, Tyler, nobody's gonna want to read that." john said.

"That's okay. We got lots of ideas." Chris said as He and Tyler already living in a world of his own, and has many story ideas.

 _Chris and Tyler has been lost a lot, but never lost in thought. Suddenly, they were in a world of their own._

 **Chris and Tyler awesome adventure**

Chris is a superhero in his story. His right hand is Tyler dress like H.R. Pufnstuf, and orangutan Richard is their driver. As he does one thousand pull ups in his room?

"What is next on my crime-fighter exercise schedule, H.R.?" Chris asked Tyler about his schedule.

"Golly, Chris, says here you do ten zillion jumping jacks." Tyler said what on the list

"Must be a light day." Chris said as the alarm goes off and the TV show john as their Commissioner.

"Afternoon, Chris, bad news." John said on the TV.

"Some sort of trouble, Commissioner?" Chris asked on what is happing.

"Frank's in trouble at the drunken clam." John replied.

"At the Crab Shack? Sounds like Frank's in trouble, we are on it. Now trouble's in trouble." Chris said as he face the forth wall.

"We'll need to get our driver. Hey, Richard, we're moving out." Chris said as he calls his orangutan, Richard who is their driver.

As they drive towards the drunken clam with badass music.

"Step on it, Richard." Tyler rely.

As they reach the drunken clam, it was guarded by a sumo guy with a bazooka and a puppet sniper.

"Sumo guy with a bazooka. That is too easy. It must be a trap." Chris said as he notice that this place is trap.

"Look out, team. Puppet sniper, 10:00. I'll use my X-ray vision to check on Frank." Chris said as he used his X-RAY vision to see inside as it show the Evil Mr. Horn has kidnapped Frank and Sam, and is holding them inside the clam.

"Stop your shaking in fear, Frank. Your brother will save us soon. He's strong and fearless and bad to the bone." Sam said.

"He'll never get in. These walls are rock solid metal." The Evil Mr. Horn said.

"The situation is hopeless. No one can save us now. Since we are going to die, I should tell you this is actually Chris's whiskers. He lets me wear them on my cheeks." Frank said as he looks down to see a tiny Chris and Tyler.

"Sam, Look!" Frank said as he point them out.

"How did you get in here?" Sam asked them.

"Dr. Shrinker shrunk us and we crawled under the door." Chris said as he explain on why he shrinks himself to break in.

"Unshrink." Chris said as his watch unshrink them.

"Unshrinking." The voice of his watch said as Chris and Tyler grown back to normal size.

"We're here for two things: to kick some ass and drink some beers." Chris said his catch farce.

"Get him, you fools." The Evil Mr. Horn said.

As Chris and Tyler does battle with a bunch of ninjas

"Did you see that one?" Sam asked frank about the battle.

"Eat my tail, ninjas." Tyler said as he trips the ninja with his tail. Then Chris smash threw a safe and then he donated the cash to the poor.

"Get back in there, you loser. Fight!" The Evil Mr. Horn said as a ninja tries to rush Chris until Tyler throw banana peel on the floor and the ninja tripped. Chris gives Tyler the thumbs up.

"Booyah, Chris." Tyler shouted.

"Game over." Chris said as he grabs one of the ninjas to unmask Connie.

"Go ahead, finish me off." Connie said as she give up.

"I'd never hurt a lady. He would never hurt a lady." Chris said until Chris breaks Connie's neck.

"Lucky for me, you're no lady." Chris said as Lucky for him she is not a woman.

"You're the best, Chris. Sam said as she kisses him on the cheek.

"I know." Chris said.

You ruined everything, Chris. The Evil Mr. Horn shouted at his defeat.

"I don't ruin things. I make them rock!" Chris said as he turns on the jut box like The Fonz and everyone was dancing with cheerleaders.

"Thanks, bro. You've done it again. Can I have some money for the claw machine?" Frank said as he thanks him and asks him for some money for the claw machine.

"Aw Frank." Chris said as he hand him a quarter.

 **The end**

"You wrote all this in one night?" John asked them after reading their story.

"I even drew a poster in case Hollywood wants to make it into a movie." Chris said as he show trhem a movie of themselves.

"Well, the doctor always said you were borderline artistic." John replied.

"I think we are all the way artistic now. We are gonna go hang it in the break room." Tyler said as he and Chris rush out of the room.

 _Considering Chris only uses a 17-letter alphabet and Tyler not having the rest of his memories, I was surprised they could write a story better than I could. Therefore, I decided I would try again._

"Something interesting. Think of something interesting." John said as he is back inside his head.

"Just so you know, I've been all over this place, and there's nothing else here but me." The annoying gymnast Said as he is the only thing there is, who will not leave until John stops thinking about him.

"Go away; nobody's interested in a story about a gymnast." John shouted.

"Apparently you've never seen profiles in Courage: The Kerri Strug Story." The annoying gymnast said something random.

"No, I haven't." John replied.

"Then how'd you make me say it? The annoying gymnast asked him on how he knew about it.

"Okay, fine, I saw it, it made me cry. Are you happy now, you son of a bitch? Damn." John said as he ripples his paper again.

 _It was five days and I still could not think of anything to write. Seemed like everybody had an imagination except me._

As we zoom on Meg and she is having trouble with the boys.

"Boys, clean up this mess! It looks like a toy store took a dump in here.

"I know what will cheer you up. Writing a story. You should do it." Chris suggests that she write a story to cheer herself up.

"Here's a story: "Once upon a time, Randy, shut up. The end. Had a slow start, but I liked the middle." Meg

"Y'all didn't do your homework yet? I want homework done, TV off, and y'all in bed by midnight. I'm not raising any Nathanville trash." Meg

"I hate homework. I hate homework. It's stupid.I don't like it." Both Frank Jr and Stewie said their compalints.

 _Meg's son and bay brother hated everything from homework to baths. So Meg decided to go to the only place where kids couldn't complain her imagination._

Meg tells the frightened boys a story.

 **Meg's Quick Your bitchen!**

 _"Once upon a long, long time ago, pretty far away, there were two little brats who I loved, but I still wanted to wring their necks. Moreover, a mom with the class of Princess Diana and the body of a porn star._

"You're mean; you make us do homework which is yucky." Both Frank Jr and Stewie said their complaints.

"Don't you talk in unison to me? You think I am mean. Mean is not being able to drink daiquiris for 9 months and still having your kids come out lazy-brained." Meg tells them off.

"Now let me show you something about homework. Let's go." Meg said as she takes the boys on a journey while flying.

Which shows a hot mother flies the boys through the air.

 _Once a little boy like you two never ever studied._

The scene shows Where meet someone who did not do their homework, a giant dummy, who looks just like John. Until she stops half way to punch a crow.

"I hate crows." Meg said.

 _In addition, that boy who did not do his homework grew up to be a giant dummy._

"Hey, giant dummy. If a train leaves a station at 60 miles an hour and you're a quarter mile away, how long do you have to get your hairy ass off the track?" She asks John a math question

"Crud, man, that is a toughie. A quarter's 25 cents "I" before "E" equals an hour and a half. Moreover, I have 80 minutes to kill." John said as then scene change to him Standing on the railroad tracks.

As John gets it wrong and a train smashes him. His bloody head pops off and the kids scream.

"Well, he got the kill part right. Anyway, that is why I make you do your homework. So quit you're bitchin'." Meg said.

"Yeah, quit your bitchin'." John's head said aloud.

"Shut up, I got this. Let's go." Meg said as she kicks the head away.

As she takes the boys to visit THE NEXT GUY.

 _Y'all hate bath time? Once there was a lazy slob who wouldn't take a bath._

Which was A big slob, who looks just like chris.

 _He got so nasty and sweaty that moss grew on him._

 _Then the moss got sticky, and all his snack crumbs stuck to it._

 _Then mice came, and the nasty slob said Shoo, mice._

 _But the mice couldn't shoo because they were too stuck to the damn slob._

 _Then all the mess of the slob's filthy house stuck to the slob._

 _I hate myself! Then cars and trees and buildings stuck to the slob._

 _And then sure as poo on your shoe, everything stuck to the slob._

 _Mountains stuck to him, Canada stuck to him._

 _And the slob-clump got so heavy that he fell clear off the Earth, and fell all the way through space until he landed on God's desk where God squished him with his coffee mug._

As the scene show that, He was so nasty that moss grows on him, and things start sticking to him. First crumbs, then mice, then cars and buildings, Canada, etc., until he gets so heavy he falls off the Earth onto God's desk. God squishes Randy with his coffee cup.

"God loves everybody, but I mean, come on." Meg reply.

"Looking good, there, Meg." God said as he flirts with her.

"Just using what you gave me, G." Meg said as she takes her boys home.

 _Moreover, they went back to their house and lived happily ever after._

 **The End**

" Okay, you two, clean up and go to bed, and remember, if you don't listen to what I say, God will kill you." Meg tells the frightened boys the moral of the story, listen to what she says or God will kill them as they rush toward their room with the message.

"While I disagree with your view of a conventional anthropomorphic God, I respect you using that myth to discipline them rascally boys." Frank said as he resect her for finally putting those boys in their place.

"I am a creative being, Frank. Think about all that stuff I yell at the movie screen, all those great Mad Libs I have done. The purple Christina Aguilera flew into…" Meg said.

"The horny Carol Burnett." Both Frank and Meg said the last part.

"That was a fun anniversary." Frank said.

 _Apparently, all my friends were more creative than I was; cause even Tyler and Brian was able to work out some issues by putting pen to paper._

 **Brain and Tyler's Please respect the meat!**

As Brian and Tyler writes a song to help them cope with the horror of killing crabs.

 **Brian**

 _My sweet animal brother Please forgive our sin_

 **Tyler**

 _Food source with a mother where do we begin?_

 **Brian**

 _To explain how our heart toils justifying that you boil? Leftovers we wrap in foil America burns too much oil_

 **Tyler**

 _Got to stay focused._

 **Tyler**

 _When we make our dirty dollar, we have heard the sound_

 **Chris**

 _Wait for it. It's heavy._

 **Brian and Tyler**

 _Of a crab who hiss and hollers as he's drowning down_

 **Tyler**

 _That crab fritter you see frying was once a critter I sent dying I wanna be a quitter, and I'm sure trying_

 **Brian**

 _Cause both he and I are cook who can't stop crying!_

 **Tyler**

 _I'm not saying what to eat Have a shish kebab or piggy feet But honor he who feels the heat Please respect the meat_

 **Frank Jr and Frank**

 _We wanna say thank you, thank you from the nation To the people with claws, crustaceans And to the other animals whose location will end up in our draws, mastication. Meg_

 **Meg**

 _It's not selfish, it is quite valid to hope that shellfish get their own mallets And you might well wish you ordered salad When a crab whups your ass, Darnell kick your ballad_

 _ **Tyler**_

 _It's no crime to sell a ton of murdered exoskeletons No one cried when he got fried because he walks from side to side_

 **All** _  
Chiga, chiga, chiga, chiga -PINCH! Chiga, chiga, chiga, chiga -PINCH!_

 **Chris, doing Barry White voice**

 _Baby, I tried to stay away from you You know, tried seeing other foods Broccoli, tofu, I even dipped it in butter But it's not you_

 _ **Tyler**_

 _I'm not saying what to eat Life is short and life is sweet and meat is life so I repeat Please respect the meat_

 _(Digest slowly)_

 _Please respect the meat_

 _(Even in Crete)_

 _Please respect the meat_

 _Ooooooommmmmm._

As the last scene show Tyler and Brian boiling the crab as it scream in the pot. Now we join Persephone reading the song.

"Brian, these lyrics are so beautiful and moving." Persephone said as she smash the crab so she can eat its insides.

"So that's what Joey looks like on the inside." Tyler said as he remember what he did.

"You should probably stop naming them. That is what my friend's family did with the children in her old village after the military took over." Persephone said.

"Damn, you've got some crazy stories. You ever think about writing them down?" Tyler said

"I wish I could write, but with my two jobs, when will I find the time?" Persephone said as she Just want to take her to dinner.

" _Turns out, she found time to take a stab at writing that very night."_ As she still hide behind the door.

 **Persephone, Woman of a Thousand Tears.**

As Persephone writes her, own Latin soap opera, "Persephone, Woman of 1000 Tears"

 _Presenta en una historia original de Persephone Griffin…_

As then scene shows Persephone loving a handsome man then walking in a forest with a candled light in hand.

 _El regress a la TV de la primera actriz, Persephone Griffin como Persephone Griffin_

Then it show Persephone praying to god as a nun then it show her crying at John dead body as she is his widow.

 _En Persephone, Women of a thousand tears._

Now the scene show Persephone crying as she enters the drunken clam. Both Frank and Chris came toward her to convert her.

"Persephone, why are you crying?" Frank asked her in a Spanish accent.

"Yes as of tomorrow, you marry the richest man in all of Latin America." Chris said to her in a Spanish accent.

"It is a tear of relief, christopher, because tonight is the last time I will be forced into dancing by my brother's kidnappers. I will finally have enough money to pay for his freedom." Persephone said as she risks it all. She has to spend one more night stripping in order to free her kidnapped brother.

"Hola, Chrurroman." Frank said hello to Tyler who sells churros.

"Hola, Francisco. Persephone, these churros are in honor of your wedding. Tyler said as he said hello to Frank and Give Persephone her wedding gift.

"Now I have tears of gratitude, Tylerlando. I will eat them tomorrow after I marry Javier and lose my virginity to him, which will happen tomorrow, because that is when he will arrive into town." Persephone said as it is on the eve of her wedding to rich Javier.

Until Javier, arrivers and he is John in this story while wearing a white tuxedo with a white fedora. Persephone spots him and hide behind Frank.

"He can't see me in this outfit. If he knows I dance in front of other men, it will break his heart, and he will call off the wedding. Now I cry tears for fears." Persephone said, as she fears to risks it all. If Javier finds out, she will lose him.

"Quick. You can use the back door. Your secret is safe. Andale." Frank said as he points her towards the back

"It is not safe with me. She will suffer for being prettier than I. hahahahahah!" Connie said as she tips off Javier.

"Don't worry, my brother. After this last dance, you will be free." Persephone said as she dances around the pole like a whore for his brother's freedom.

When John comes in as he sees Persephone dancing, he leaves, but she runs after him

"I wanted to tell you the truth." Persephone said

"The truth is you're a cheap tramp." John said in anger.

"But there is a reason for my actions. I dance to pay the ransom for my kidnapped brother. They cut off both his big toes. He can never wear flip-flop sandals again." she explain that she was just trying to free her brother.

"Why did you not tell me? I'm very wealthy from my flip-flop factory." John said.

"Because of the irony. I am not interested in your money. I am only interested in your heart." Persephone said, as she did not tell him because she's not interested in his money, only his heart.

"I guess dancing is not that bad At least you were not a maid in a hotel. Numero uno in our hearts, numero uno in your stomach." John said as he forgives her while kissing her on the lips.

"For the first time in my life, I cry tears of happiness." Persephone said, as she is finally able to cry tears of happiness for the first time.

 _Persephone, Woman of a Thousand Tears._

 **FIN**

 _Even Persephone, who could not think of a more creative stripper name than Persephone, was more creative than I was. Not so all night I banged my head thinking of a story about me that would suck. I even used other people's stuff, but nothing I came up with felt right._ John tries everything to write a story, even using everyone else's stories. However, nothing works, and ultimately God squishes him with his coffee cup.

"How many?" john asked as he trues pull ups.

"Golly, John, you're still at zero." H.R. Pufnstuf said.

"You can do this." John said as he does a crying scene then does the pitching stuff from Brain and Tyler stories.

 _Just think of some sort of the next day, I still had nothing exciting to read aloud, so I gave up trying to imagine something interesting or cool. I just wrote down the only things I could actually picture in my head. Nothing big, just regular stuff. However, stuff made me happy. Moreover, suddenly, the words were flowing. It was great. Everybody can feel trapped sometimes in his or her everyday lives. However, when you lose your everyday life, well, that can sometimes become your best fantasy._

Finally, John decides to stop trying to write something cool, and just write about regular stuff, like hanging out with the gang at the Crab Shack.

Suddenly the words flow. Then he realized that everyone can feel trapped in his or her everyday life, but when you are in jail, everyday life is the best fantasy of all.

"And that's what I would do if I could do anything in the world." John said his story as The class loves John's story.

 _I didn't think it was gonna be that great, but people seemed to like it._

"Tell again the part about how the wings tasted. "Sonny asked John to read the part about how the chicken wings tasted again.

"Sure. The wings were not hot, but spicy. And the celery was warm and bendy like I like it." John reply.

The class listen to John's story and gives him a standing ovation.

 **Chapter ended**

 **I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thanking for pen123 and Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas. Also Doc X me if you want to help with scenes for next chapter because I need the ideas.**


	23. Chapter 50: When you wish upon a jew

**Chapter 50: When You Wish Upon a Weinstein**

 **Opening Credits**

 _It seems today that all ya see_

 _Is violence in movies and sex on TV_

 _But where are those good, old-fashioned values_

 _On which we used to rely_

 _Lucky there's a Family Guy!_

 _Lucky there's a man who_

 _Positively can do_

 _All the things that make us_

 _Laugh n' Cry_

 _He's_

 _a_

 _Fam_

 _-ily_

 _Guy!_

 **End**

Now we join Peter, Frank and Chris in the living room, while Chris is doing his homework.

"Dad, can you help me with my math? Mr. Shackleford says if I don't learn it, I won't function in the real world." Chris asked his father for help on his homework as he starts a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

We see Chris at a gas station with a hillbilly.

"What you gotta do is go down the road past the old Johnson place. You're gonna find two roads, one parallel and one perpendicular. Keep going until you come to a highway that bisects it at a 45 degree angle. Solve for x" the hillbilly challenged as Chris lies down on the ground sucking on a thumb.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"Math. Math, my dear brother, is nothing more than the lesbian sister of biology." Frank said as he insure him that everything is fine.

Until they hear a Knocking on the front door. When he open it show Jim Kaplan that car seller from season 2 of "There's Something About Paulie".

"Hello, sir." Jim Kaplan said hello to Frank and Peter.

"Enough with the foreplay, sailor. What are you selling?" Frank interrupts him on his bit so he ask him about what he is selling.

"Well, I was gonna try to sell you some "handsome cream" but I can see you already bought out the store!" Jim Kaplan said as he comment them on their handsomeness.

"Go on." Peter said.

"Perhaps you'd be interested in something every homeowner cannot be without. Volcano insurance!" Jim Kaplan said as he tells them that he sells volcano insurances.

"Go on." Frank said as he ask him to continue.

"According to my uncle-who's a real whiz with volcanoes-a volcano is coming this way!" Jim Kaplan said

"I, too, have an uncle." Peter thinking that he too has an uncle.

"Come in." Frank said as he lets him right inside the house. Now they are in the kitchen discussing about the volcanos.

"How much is this volcano insurance?" Peter asking how much money does this volcano insurance cost.

"Uh, I don't know. Let's say, $200." Jim Kaplan said the prize which is outrageous.

"$200? That's more than I spent on all that handsome cream." Peter said as he brought all that handsome cream before.

"We don't have that kind of money!" Frank said about they don't have that kind of money.

"What about that jar of money?" Jim Kaplan said as he points at the money jar on top of the refrigerator.

"No way! That's Lois' rainy day fund." Peter explain that that jar of money cannot be used.

"Ah, come on, it never rains in Rhode Island." Jim Kaplan said that they can used the money.

Yeah, but I'm pretty sure we've never had a volcano either. Peter said he response and they don't think these guy legit.

"Well, don't you think we're overdue for one?" Jim Kaplan said something that shut up peter.

"Touché, salesman." Peter said as he gives Lois' "rainy day fund" to a scam artist selling volcano insurance. While Frank face palm himself as peter is going to get in trouble with Lois.

Now we cut to Lois and Meg tucking in Frank Jr and stewie in his crib, while John, Tyler, and Persephone looking down on them.

Stewie was snoring, then gasping awake

"Ah! What the hell are you doing?" Stewie asked them

"She watching you sleep, cutie pie." Meg said as he tucks Frank Jr in his bed.

"Why you sick, sick little moo cows. Well, you shall watch no more!" Stewie said as he smashes Tyler's glasses because he hates being watched while he sleeps.

"Stewie!" Lois said as she see what happened which woke up Frank Jr and he is piss off.

"My glasses! I can't see a thing without my glasses!" Tyler said as he try to look around but everything he see is blurring.

"Why won't you let him get laser surgery, Mom?" Persephone ask her mother since this might happened again.

"Because I don't think it's safe." Lois said as she sets up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

The scene shifts to the Millennium Falcon, where Luke Skywalker is using his light saber for eye surgery.

"Okay, I just need to make a quick incision here and we should be all done, Mrs. Wilson" Luke said.

"Luke, use the Force" Obi-Wan Kenobi suggested.

"Really? Cause I was just gonna make..." Luke commented.

"Use-use the Force" Obi-Wan ordered.

"Okay!" Luke complied as he picks up his light saber with the Force, then stabs Mrs. Wilson through her eye as she screams.

"Are you happy?" Luke angrily asked.

"I've never been happy" Obi-Wan answered.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"Don't worry, honey. We'll get you a new pair tomorrow." Lois said as she hug Tyler to calm him down and promise him to buy him some new glasses.

"In the meantime, here's a little vision test. What is this? A poopie or a Toblerone?" Stewie said as he is holding something in his hand which could be a poopie or a Toblerone? Until Frank Jr swing chin music him out of his crib.

"It's a Toblerone, Tyler!" Frank Jr reply as he hands over the candy to Tyler. He then eats it with a smile on his face for the candy and getting even with stewie.

Meanwhile Frank, Brian, Frank Jr and Peter were watching TV in the living room.

"We now return to "Girlfriends" on Lifetime." Announcer said as the show starts with two women eat a tube of ice cream.

"Barry was over last night." Woman 1 said.

"Don't tell me." Woman 2 said as she know something happen.

"He left the toilet seat up!" BOTH said out loud.

The Audience laughing at their joke.

"Oh, I ran into Frank. It's funny. He fought in Vietnam, he's an exorcist, but there is one thing that terrifies him." Woman 1 said as she explains about thing that Frank did until she said what he is afraid of.

"Commitment!" BOTH said out loud.

As the Audience laughing again at their joke.

"Oh, Midge, you're my third best friend in the whole world." Woman 1 said as she tells her she is her third best friend.

"Third? Who are the first two?" Woman 2 asked her on who are the first two.

"Ben and Jerry." Woman 1 said as she and women 2 both laugh at their show as it fade top black to show the title of the show.

As the Audience laughing again for the last time.

"Lifetime, television for idiots." Announcer said as this show making fun of female stereotypes and calling the channel "Lifetime: Television for Idiots."

As Lois, John, Tyler, Meg and Persephone came by to ask something.

Peter, did you take the money from the family jar? Lois asked peter on where is the money form the jar on top of the refrigerator.

"Who, me? Yes, me. Couldn't be. Then who?" Peter said as he tries to change the conversation.

"Yeah, he did it. He bought us volcano insurance". Frank spilled the bean while peter grumbles on Frank for telling the truth.

"Volcano insurance? That's ridiculous." Lois said.

"That's the same thing you said when you talked me out of cloud insurance." Peter said as we see Frank Jr walking toward the window looking at the clouds.

"Look at them up there just plotting', picking' their moment." Frank Jr said as he spy on the clouds.

Meanwhile in the sky, the cloud plot their attack on the surface world.

"So, Bill. We attack tomorrow." Cloud 1 said that they are going to attack tomorrow.

"Yes, tomorrow." Cloud 2 said he response in agreement.

"I mean it this time." Cloud 1 said as he means it this time.

"I do, too!" Cloud 2 said in agreement.

Now we are back at the living room with Peter and Lois.

"That was our emergency money and Tyler needs a new pair of glasses." Lois said as she show Peter that Tyler need glasses.

"Lois, no one really needs glasses." Peter said his response.

"You wear glasses." John said as he points out that Peter is wearing Glasses right now.

That's only to fool the man from the draft board. Peter said as he explain that he wears glasses to keep man from find out his secrets.

"I can't believe you squandered that money! I swear, sometimes I feel like I'm married to a child." Lois said as she sets up cutaway from her past.

 **Cutaway**

The scene shifts to Peter's and Lois' wedding reception.

"What can I say about my beautiful bride except milk, milk, lemonade. Around the corner, fudge is made!" Peter chanted as he made a stupid laugh.

The wedding guests look at them with jaws dropped to the ground.

While Jake just laugh at the Joke since he know what Lois did in her past and he love it.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"You better watch who you call a child, Lois. Because if I'm a child, then you know what that makes you? A pedophile! And I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert!" Peter said as he leave in a huff with Frank Jr in his arms. While Frank, John and a blind Tyler follow him.

At the Drunken Clam, we join peter as he depressed by his financial woes to Cleveland, Menma and Negi.

"Can you believe it, Cleveland? Lois thinks I'm bad with money." Peter said as he explain what happen in his house.

"She's got a point, Peter." Cleveland said as he agrees with Lois with Peter being bad with money.

"You're the white version of a black guy who's not good with his money." Menma said as he make fun of Peter being a white version of a black guy who's not good with his money.

As Quagmire came in with a wad of cashes and a happy face.

"Hey, guys and dolls! Drinks are on do-re-me!" Quagmire said as he slams wad of cash on bar.

"Where'd you get that?" Frank Jr asked him on where he get that wad of cash.

"This loot's thanks to my stockbroker, lan Greenstein. He made some smart investments that really paid off. That guy is to money what Miss Ann-Margaret is to EE-ER-EE-ER AAA." Quagmire said as he makes squeaky bed noises; then chair collapses.

"Let us buy the drinks, Quagmire. Our family's accountant, Larry Rosenblat, just got me a huge tax refund and tickets to "Bring In 'Da Noise, Bring In 'Da Funk"." Negi explain as he takes out cash from his wallet.

"The noise was good, but I thought they phoned in a lot of the funk." Cleveland said as he complains that there was a lack in funk in "Bring in 'Da Noise, Bring in 'Da Funk".

"Wait a second. Rosenblat? Greenstein? So I need a Jewish guy to handle my money?" Peter said as he, Frank Jr and the boys were interested when Quagmire and Cleveland describe great financial successes attained after hiring men with Jewish-sounding names and decides that they needs a Jew to handle his money.

"Peter, not every Jewish person is good with money." Cleveland said.

"Well, yeah, I guess not the retarded ones. But why would you even say that? For shock value? Jeez, Cleveland, there's "edgy" and there's "offensive." Good day, sir!" Peter said as he, Frank Jr and the boys leave in a huff to their home.

Meanwhile at the Mallque/Griffin House, Lois is on the phone as Frank Jr listens in on her.

"Mother, you know how I hate asking for money, but...Mother, Peter's an excellent provider...No, Mother, I do not think I'd be better off married to a chimp...I don't care how well that chimp across the street is doing...Really?...Well, yeah, okay. I guess you can tell him I said hi. But don't make me sound desperate!" Lois said as she asked her mother on lending her a loan.

"We gotta get a Greenstein or a Rosenblat of our very own." Frank Jr said as he and Peter watch the sky threw their window while they sing a song.

 **Frank Jr**

 _Nothing else has worked so far_

 _So I'll wish upon a star_

 _Wondrous dancing speck of light_

 _We need a Jew..._

 **Peter**

 _Lois makes me take the rap_

 _Cause our checkbook looks like crap_

 _Since I can't give her a slap_

 _We need a Jew..._

 **John and Tyler**

 _Where to find_

 _A Baum or Stien or Stein_

 _To teach us how to whine_

 _And do Mr. Griffin's taxes..._

As UFO whirring, as it becomes giant dreidel. Then John and Tyler jump on the dreidel and they float toward the heavens until they fall on the handles of a giant Menorah. While Adventurous instrumental music playing in the background.

 **Peter, Frank Jr, John and Tyler**

 _Though by many they're abhorred_

 _Hebrew people we've adored_

 _Even though they killed our lord_ *

 _We need a Jew!_

As we see Peter and Frank Jr and the boys praying on a star until they were sleep in the living room from sing the song all night.

Until they hear Knocking on the front door, as Frank Jr answer the door to reveal a Jewish man named Max Weinstein has car trouble outside the Griffin house.

"Hi. My name's Max Weinstein. My car just broke down. May I use your phone?" Max Weinstein said as he asked to use their phone.

 **Peter**

 _Now our troubles are all through_

 _We have a Jew!_

"Hey!" Max Weinstein shouted by that remake as the scene fades to black.

Now we join Max Weinstein calling someone as Peter and Frank Jr look in awe of him.

"We prayed for you, Max Weinstein, and here you are." Peter said as Frank Jr nod to that response.

"Okay. Listen, uh, thanks for letting me use the phone." Max Weinstein said

"Thanks for Spaceballs." Frank Jr said out loud which made Max Weinstein nerves.

If there's anything I can do for you... Max Weinstein said as he walk toward the door.

"You can't leave!" Peter said as Max Weinstein freaky out and ran out while peter and Frank Jr chase him threw out town.

As Dramatic instrumental music plays in the background the foot-chase continued until Frank Jr jump Max Weinstein on to the ground.

"What do you want?" Max Weinstein asked them

"Financial advice." Frank Jr said as he asked him for help.

Financial advice? How the Hell did you know I'm an accountant? Max Weinstein asked them.

"Hello! Max Weinstein?" Frank Jr said as he tells him that he is Jewish and it's his thing.

Now we join them at the quahog insurance to get Lois's money back.

"Look, I'll do what I can, but I don't know why you think I can get your money back." Max Weinstein said as he agree to help but he thinks it might not work.

"Max, Max, Max-let's not deny our heritages. You're Jewish, you're good with money. I'm Irish, I drink, and I ban homosexuals from marching in my parade. Now, help me get my money back." Peter said as they enter the building while surprising Jim Kaplan.

"Oh, it's you." Jim Kaplan said Stammering while Frank Jr point at him like the evil monkey in Chris's closet.

"I'm not in right now. Please leave a message. Beep!" Jim Kaplan said as he pretend to be answering machine and asked to leave a message.

"Man, I hate these things. Yeah, hi, this is Peter Griffin. I'm sorry I missed you-" Peter said until max interrupts him.

"Play with this, grandpa while Max Weinstein do his thing." Frank Jr said as he give peter a yo-yo to play with, while letting max do his thing.

"Sir, I have reviewed this contract, and it offers no coverage at all. It just says volcano insurance over and over again and down here in small print it says, He's signing it. He's signing it. I can't believe it." Max Weinstein said as he does his job.

"So? Jim Kaplan said in response.

"Refund his money and we'll go." Max Weinstein said.

"I don't have your money!" Jim Kaplan lied.

"How about that money?" Max Weinstein said as his point at the jar of money on top of cabinet.

"No way! That's Lois' rainy day fund!" Jim Kaplan stop have way since he expose his scam.

"...Damn it!" Jim Kaplan said as Frank Jr snaps at him al smug like a black women.

Now we join Lois, John, a blind Tyler and Brian watching Seinfeld as a Laugh track on TV. Where George and Jerry are conversing and repeating themselves, which is a common theme in the show.

"You couldn't date her because she was a tickler." Jerry Seinfeld said

"A tickler." George Costanza said

"You're not a stickler for a tickler." Jerry Seinfeld asked him.

"Not a stickler for a tickler." George Costanza said

"Not a tickler stickler." Jerry Seinfeld said

"Not a tickler stickler." George Costanza said

As Both George Costanza and Jerry Seinfeld were Absurd babbling. Now back to the living room as John and Tyler had had it with this show as they enter inside the couch with Brian following them.

"Where the hell is the remote?" Brian asked John and Tyler as he look for the remote from inside the couch. Then Peter and Frank Jr came in with Max Weinstein.

"Hey, honey, guess what? I got back the money for Tyler's glasses." Peter said

"Really? Oh, honey! Hello." Lois said as she notice Max Weinstein.

"This is our special friend, Max Weinstein. He's Jewish." Frank Jr said as he introduce Max to the family.

"Oh my, how exotic." Lois said.

"Thank you?" Max Weinstein reply to Lois response as he feel awkward.

"See, here's your rainy day money and Grandpa balanced our checkbook, too." Frank Jr said as he pass Lois her money and explain that Peter balance their checkbook.

"You balanced our checkbook?" John asked in shocked on what peter did while making a cartoon noise.

"Yep. Isn't that right, Max?" Peter said as look at max for support.

"Yeah, sure. He did it." Max Weinstein said sarcastically.

"I'll going to go call my mother right now and tell her to tell that chimp across the street, ooohohohaahaha!" Lois said while make shrieks like a chimpanzee as she leave to call her mother.

"Look how low I've sunk-taking credit for something a smart Jewish person did." Peter said as he feel guilty for taking credit for Max's work.

"That's okay, Peter." Max Weinstein said as he tries to make peter feel better.

"No. People have been doing that for too damn long." Peter said as he makes a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

The scene shifts to a civil rights rally.

"It is the white devil that has propagated, exacerbated, instigated, instigated... Line!" the civil rights speaker asked Woody Allen.

"'Instigated our hatred like a Buick.' What was I thinking when I agreed to this? This is so degrading. This is worse than the time I was at the Friars' Club and Soon-Yi's retainer fell out of my pants" Woody Allen told himself.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Now we join the Mallque/Griffin Family eating marshmallow and fish casserole.

"Lois, I appreciate the marshmallow and fish casserole, but I'm sorry, I can't eat this." Max Weinstein said as he thanks for the food but he can't eat it.

"Oh, because it's not kosher." Lois said as she didn't do it right as both Frank and Max look at the food then at Lois.

"Yeah, let's go with that." Frank said as he finish talking.

"Can Stewie, Frank Jr and me be excused? He's gonna help me with my math homework." Chris said

Chris, they are just babies. Lois said as she doesn't know about them being smart.

"Oh, and you're a regular Rhodes scholar." Stewie said as he insulted by Lois.

"Where was it you graduated from again?" Frank Jr said as he asked Lois on where she graduate.

"The University of Duh?" Stewie and Frank Jr said together as they mock Lois.

"I can help you with your homework, son." Max Weinstein said

"My God! Is there nothing you people can't do? I mean, y'know, other than manual labor." Peter said as he is impress by max's talent then said something stupid.

"Peter, what a ridiculous thing to say! They built the pyramids." John said as he remind him that the Jew made the pyramids.

"You'll have to excuse Peter. He can be a little tactless sometimes." Lois said as she explains that peter is tactless.

"Yes, like the time he soiled himself at that dinner party?" Brian said as he sets up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

The scene shifts to a dinner party with Peter, Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, Lois, a woman, and two men.

"I was so sorry to hear that your father passed away" Lois apologized.

"Yes. It spread through his body so fast. But he's at peace now and the whole..." the woman said.

"Uh-oh!" Peter shouted as he soils himself as everyone looks at him.

"Spaghetti-ohs!" Frank Jr shouted as he too soils himself as well.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Now we join the family at the couch from eat their dinner.

"Well, there's only one thing that'll top a great dinner like that. Operation!" Peter said as he brings out the board game operation.

May I play? Lois said as she come from the back of the couch.

"Mom/Grandma!" Kids and Frank Jr said as john and Tyler start to dress up like doctors.

"Where is the patient?" Tyler said.

"Thank you, but I can't stay. It's Friday, I've got to go to Temple." Max Weinstein said as he go towards the door since he has temple on Fridays.

"Temple? Like Indiana Jones?" Peter said as he set up a cutaway

 **Cutaway**

The scene shifts to the forgotten temple scene from the beginning of 'Raiders of the Lost Ark'. We see Indiana Jones dawdling over picking up the idol as suspenseful music is playing in the background.

"Will you just pick it up already!?" Ralph Kramden from The Honeymooners shouted.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Now we join the Mallque/Griffin family at Temple Beth Thupporting Actor.

"They better not be expecting us to give money 'cause I already gave at church last Sunday, and I'm pretty sure it all goes to the same God." Peter said as he warns max that he is not paying again since he already did in his church.

"Peter! Max, it was nice of you to invite us along." Lois said as she repented him while thanking max for inviting them.

"Your husband's got a good heart, Lois, but his views on Judaism are a little misguided. I'd consider it a mitzvah to educate him a little." Max Weinstein said as he thinks that taking peter to a mitzvah to educate him a little.

As they enter the temple and Max pass the hats to each Male member of the family until Stewie stops him from giving him the hat.

"No. I don't think so. It's not that I have ideological differences, I'm just not a hat person." Stewie said as he tells him his reasons for not wearing hats.

Now we join the family inside the temple as Peter, John and Tyler pout at people thye recognized.

"Hey, look! I didn't know the principal of Meg's school was Jewish." Peter said as he point at Meg's principle being Jewish.

"Hey, there's Bill Nye, the Science Guy and half of Lenny Kravitz." John said as he point at Bill Nye the science guy from ABC also appearing is Lenny Kravitz who being half-Jewish, is shown with only half of his body present.

"Optimus Prime? He's Jewish?" Tyler said Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots on Transformers shows up to the Quahog synagogue for the Sabbath service.

As Optimus does his Mechanisms whirring and he looks Jewish.

"Jeez, Max, I don't know about this. I went to Catholic school. I'm not sure this is allowed. Peter said as he gets a hat from Max and he questions if he wear this the Catholic Church will get him.

"Ah, what the hell?" Peter said as he put on the hat as it set up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

The scene shifts to a secret headquarters run by nuns as an alarm starts beeping.

"Oh, dear. Sister Mary Joseph, it appears Peter Griffin has entered a synagogue!" Nun 1 shouted.

"Lock and load, Brides of Christ!" Nun 2 suggested as the nuns grabbed their rulers and ran to nun bus as adventurous instrumental music is playing.

When the nuns are leaving the church and boarding the bus, the Batman villain Penguin is outside.

"Excellent, excellent!" Penguin said as he smiled while he is jumping for joy going and delivers his signature laugh.

The gag is a nod to the slang term "penguins" which is often used to describe nuns due to their traditional black and white uniforms, and the fact that the Penguin used trained penguins in his crimes. Furthermore, in the old Batman series, Penguin's henchmen wore black and white costumes, the same colors as the nuns' habits.

 **Cutaway Ends**

Now we join the family listen to the sermon.

"Hello." Woman said as she talks to Lois.

"We're not Jewish. But I hear you people have such lovely services. Oh, my God! I didn't mean "you people." I didn't mean "Oh, MY God," either. I know he's your God, too. Hahahaha!" Lois said as she Nervous laughter while talking on and on.

Until the Woman shushing her to listen to sermon.

"And on this day, the Sabbath we gather here to..." Rabbi said his sermon.

"Uh-oh!" Peter and Frank Jr shouted as they soils themselves as John and Tyler looks at them is disgust for what did again.

Now they are back at the house and Lois was putting her jacket away.

"Well, that was so nice. A good sermon and such beautiful songs." Lois said.

"Yeah, it was just like that other Jewish musical we saw." Peter said as he sets up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

The scene shifts to the Providence Performing Arts Center headlined William Shatner is "Fiddler on the Roof".

"A fiddler on the roof sounds crazy, no? But here in our little village of Anatevka, you might say each one of us...Kahn! Kahn!" William shouts.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"Well, there's my cab. It was nice meeting all of you." Max Weinstein said as he leave towards the door.

"Thanks for everything, buddy." Peter said as thanks him until Chris and Tyler came in.

"Wait. I thought you were gonna help Chris with his homework." Tyler said as he asked him if he is helping Chris with his homework.

"I'm sorry, sons. I have to go. But, I'm sure you'll do just fine." Max Weinstein said as he tells them that they will be fine.

"I don't know, Max, these kid's not exactly an honor roll students. Watch." Peter said as he hits Chris and Tyler.

"Hey!" Chris and Tyler said together from the hit.

"He did it." Peter said as he points to lamp and it was him who hit them.

Both Tyler and Chris assaults lamp, they are losing to it.

"See?" Peter said as he point at them for being idiots.

"Peter, you and your grandson took me in, fed me dinner, your family came to Temple with me. You're a nice family. I have faith that Chris will grow up to be a real mensch." Max Weinstein said as he pitch peter's cheek as he leaves outside.

"Dad!" Chris said as he and Tyler were asking for help on defeating the lamp.

As Frank Jr wave's goodbye to Max threw the window while Max leaves in a taxis, Peter gets an idea.

"Lois, I just figured out how to make sure Chris and Tyler becomes a big success." Peter said as he begins to tell Lois his idea to help Chris and Tyler.

Tell me this doesn't have anything to do with Tony Robbins. Lois said as she hopes it doesn't Tony Robbins.

"No, I learned my lesson." Peter said as he sets up a cutaway.

 **Cutaway**

The scene shifts to a bookstore signing.

"Could you sign this book, please?" Peter asked.

"Tony Robbins hungry!" Tony Robbins growled as he swallowed Peter whole.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"No, Lois, I'm gonna make Chris Jewish!" Peter said as he comes to the conclusion that Chris would get better grades and be more successful if he converted to Judaism.

"What are you talking about?" Lois asked him on what he is talking about, then Brain came in to explain what Peter's is saying.

"He thinks if Chris is Jewish, he'll become smart." Brian said as he finishes explain which Lois didn't agree on the plan.

"Peter, you can't convert someone because you think it'll help their grades. Now I don't want to hear another word about this." Lois said as she leave the room unknowns to her that peter is paling something.

"She won't have to hear another word, because luckily we've mastered American Sign Language." Peter said it in signing Language.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha!" Chris and Tyler laugh in signing Language.

"You guy better not leave me out of this adventure!" Frank Jr said it in signing Language.

Now we join Peter, Tyler, Chris and Frank Jr leave the house at night.

"Where are we going?" Chris asked his father on where they are going.

"Tyler, it's too late for me, both your sister's are girl, Frank Jr is already a genius but for you, the sky's the limit. We're gonna take you down to that synagogue and turn you Jewish!" Peter said as he explain his plan to Chris.

"Okay!" Tyler said until Peter started to get the willies and Frank Jr look around.

"Guys, duck!" Peter said as he, Tyler, Frank Jr and Chris jump behind a lard bush to hide from the Catholic Church.

As a bus full of Nuns chattering raucously while passing by, then Peter and Frank Jr signs in relief for dodging that one.

Now we join the Group as they are back at Temple Beth Thupporting Actor seeking a rabbi help for both Chris and Tyler to be Jewish.

"Sigh, Mr. Griffin, I still don't understand. Why exactly does your sons want to join the Jewish faith?" Rabbi said as he sighing

"Heck, I don't know. They're bi-curious." Peter said his answer.

"I appreciate your interest, but Judaism takes a serious commitment. Elliott here has spent years preparing for his bar mitzvah this Saturday." Rabbi said as he explains that it takes time to be Jewish and his student Elliott here has spent years preparing for his bar mitzvah which is on Saturday.

"A bar mitzvah! Perfect. How much for one of those?" Frank Jr asked the rabbi for a bar mitzvah for his uncles.

"You can't just buy a bar mitzvah. It requires a lot of study." Rabbi said as he explain that bar mitzvahs can't be brought but must be earn by studying.

"Can't we skip that part? I mean, c'mon, if Chris knew how to study, he wouldn't need to become Jewish, right? Right? Right?" Peter said as he heckles the rabbi until his vanishes.

Now we join the group driving on the highway as they were looking for a way to get Tyler and Chris an bar mitzvah.

"Don't worry, Mr. Griffin. We don't need a bar mitzvah." Tyler said as he tries to cheer him up.

"I'm okay just the way I...aaaaahaaaaa!" Chris said until he is screaming, as head is caught in car window.

"We got no time to lose. There's gotta be someplace in America where you can take a solemn spiritual ceremony that begins a lifetime commitment and blow through it in about 20 minutes." Peter said as he question as to how to get a bar mitzvah quick and fast.

As the scene cut to Las Vegas, as Peppy instrumental music in the background with the gang passing a wedding while-u-wait build, a poker build with roulette - black jack - Faro - poker, a 99c communion all-u-can eat! Build and finally a Mitzvah synagogue with a roulette that rolls a triple bar on the gang.

"All right, Dad!" Chris said as he think Peter won one game.

Meanwhile at the Mallque/Griffin house we join Lois, John, Frank, Meg, Persephone, stewie and Brian in kitchen.

"So guys, how does Tyler look in his new glasses?" john asked Meg, Persephone and Stewie and Brian about Tyler new look with his glass.

As he show them a picture of Tyler with his new glass.

"How shall I put this? In an attic somewhere there's a portrait of him getting prettier." Stewie said something witty about Tyler.

"Wow, someone needs a nap." John said as he pick up stewie and pass him to Lois.

"After lunch it's straight to bed, Stewie." Lois said as she tells her son that he is going to bed.

"This isn't the first time my wit has gone unappreciated." Stewie said as he sets up a cutaway about his wit.

 **Cutaway**

The scene shifts to Star Search, where Stewie stands next to Sinbad.

"And in the comedy competition, Stewie Griffin receives three and a half stars. Challenger Sinbad receives four stars! We have a new champion, Sinbad! Stewie, any parting words?" Ed McMahon announced.

"Um, you know, I got beat, pure and simple. You-you are a very funny man! 'Men be acting all like zombies at the mall.' God, isn't that the truth?" Stewie chuckled.

 **Cutaway Ends**

"Where's your father, your son, Tyler and Chris? It's not like them to be late for lunch." Lois said as she question on where they are.

I think they left a note. Frank said as his point out the note on the frigid. As it said…,

[Dear Lois. Chris and I...(Erased) Went to the library to read lots of books ...(Erased) have gone clothes shopping with you ...(Erased) are invisible, but right here anyway... have gone fishing -peter]

"Hahahahaha!" Brian chuckles at note as he know something.

"Brian, what do you know about this?" Lois questions him on what he knows.

"Nothing." Brian said as he lied to her face.

"She know when you're lying to her, Brian." Frank warns Brian about lying to Lois and what she does to people to when they lied to her.

"No, I swear." Brian said

"Frank, Meg and Persephone take Stewie upstairs." Lois said as Meg and Persephone are leaving the kitchen with Stewie as Frank walk to Brian to whispers something to his ear.

"You sir are boned!" Frank said as he leave the kitchen.

"What-What are you doing?" Brian asking her on what she doing as John takes a seat to watch the show.

Oh, you don't know that, either? Lois said as he pulls out a dog whistle which made Brian scared.

"Last chance, Brian." John said as Brian pauses and then he hears

"Yelp, yelp, yelp, ahah, they're in Vegas getting a quickie bar mitzvah!" Brian said yelps in pain from the dog whistle

"What?" Lois said as she, Frank and John leave the house.

Now we join them at quagmire house knocking on his door which he has answer.

"Well, hel-Lois! Forgive me for pointing." Quagmire said as john shrugged.

"Quick, I need to borrow your car! I've got a bar mitzvah to stop!" Lois asking Quagmire for his key so she and John can stop Peter from make Chris and Tyler into Jewish for the wrong reasons.

"No problem. Let me grab my keys." Quagmire said as he lengthy crotch-level grabbing keys while it looks like he is jerking off.

"Here they are." Quagmire said as he passes his key to her.

Lois, Frank and John enter quagmire's car then she has the Engine starting with Dramatic instrumental music playing the back ground as they leave toward lost Vegas.

Now back to the Mitzvah synagogue which now features the amazing rabbi Copperfield. While Peter, Frank Jr, Chris and Tyler wait for their turn as Mysterious Yiddish music playing and the Crowd cheering for rabbi Copperfield introduction.

"Chris, Tyler in a few minutes, you'll both become smart, successful Jewish men. I could make a foreskin joke right now, but this is a solemn occasion." Peter said as he want to make a joke but not right now.

"And, besides, there'll be plenty of time for that on the ride back. He got so many of them, too! I know, I know, shh, shh. But later!" Frank Jr said as he excited too.

Now we join Lois, Frank and John driving toward to Los Vegas as Dramatic instrumental music playing and then the car slows down while Dramatic music slowing since the car is out of gas. Then they ran toward Los Vegas which has 3 miles left.

Now we join them at Los Vegas, they arrive at Mitzvah synagogue just in time to stop the ceremony.

"×'×¨×›×• ×?×ª ×"' ×"×z×'×•×¨×š (Cherish God the cherished)." Chris and Tyler speaks Hebrew

"Chris, Tyler!" Lois, Frank and John yelling as they Banging and barges right in.

As Peter, Chris and Frank Jr turn around to see them coming in.

"Stop this travesty right now!" Lois said as she and John rushed toward the stage.

"Bar mitzvahs are travesties, huh?" Woman said as she feel insulted.

"No, my son getting bar mitzvahed is a travesty." Lois said as she tries to explain to people of this Mitzvah synagogue.

"These guys doing it for all the wrong reasons." John explains to them that both Chris and Tyler are doing this Mitzvah for the wrong reasons.

But the crowd, angry that both Lois and John apparently insulting their religion

"Well, look-a-here, Herschel. We got us one of them self-hating Jews." Mordecai said to his friend Herschel.

"Nothing I hate worse than a Jew who doesn't appreciate her own rich heritage. Come on, Mordecai. Let's get her!" Herschel said as they take a dim view of her not appreciating Jewish culture.

As the Angry crowd yelling while hazes the Griffins until John and Tyler grab their stars while People gasping and the duo used them as stick to keep the crowd back.

Then they lock the crowd inside the temple while the crowd Banging from their door as the griffins escape onto a bus.

"I'm sorry, Lois. I just wanted our son to be Jewish so he'd be smarter. Then maybe his wife wouldn't be sorry she didn't marry the chimp next door." Peter said as he feels sorry for doing this cause he was just trying to make both Chris and Tyler smart. And also since he heard Lois taking about that monkey.

"Oh, Peter, just because Steven makes more money than you doesn't mean he's any smarter. And I think Chris will do just fine." Lois said as she tries to make Peter feel better.

"How do you know that?" Frank Jr asked them.

"Because she have faith in him, the way she have faith in you." John said his response.

"Besides, a person's religion is no guarantee of success." Lois said as she explain to them that a people religion has no guarantee of success.

"I see what you're saying." Peter said as he gets it.

"The Jewish are just like us. No better, no worse." Frank Jr said as he understands the lesson.

"Yeah, and as they say... ×'×¨×›×• ×?×ª ×"' ×"×z×'×•×¨×š!" Chris said the lesson in Speaking Hebrew.

"What?" Lois, John and Frank said in question on what just Chris said.

"I think what he's trying to say is everything's gonna be okay." Peter said

As Dramatic instrumental music playing in the background, Now we pull back to reveal bus full of nuns as they jump peter for betraying their religion.

"Aaaaaaaaaawaaw!" Peter said as he screaming in pain until Frank step in.

"Okay guys, I'll take the fifty on the right, you guys take the fifty on the left, okay hands in!" Frank said as he explain how they are going to kick the nun's asses.

As they put their hands in a circle.

"Ready break". Frank Jr said as they jump them.

As the scene fades to black while we hear nun screaming in pain from the ass-whopping.

 **Chapter ended**

 **I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thanking for pen123 and Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts and with that, season 3 has now come to an end at last. Hope you'll all still be around for when Family Guy MC: Season 4 arrives. I would also like to thank you all for your support on the series and for helping me get this far. Thank you all so much. And I hope the series get to continue by this point. So, anyways, thanks for reading and I'll see you all again in season 4! Take care!**


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